1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,304
[***]
2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,375
NARRATOR:
In my house,
everyone had a job.
3
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:11,478
It was my father's job
to pay the bills.
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,147
I'm hungry.
And I'm cold.
5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,849
I'm hungry and cold.
6
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,283
Eat a piece of cracker.
7
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,852
Your father's coming.
8
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:20,820
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
9
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,689
I've got the money.
10
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,824
[ALL CHEERING]
11
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,762
NARRATOR:
It was my mother's job to keep
the house and the kids in line.
12
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,296
Boy.
13
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,699
Quit leaving your socks
all over the place.
14
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,801
Boy, mop the floor.
15
00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:36,836
Girl, clean up
the table.
16
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,605
Good job, baby.
17
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:41,174
NARRATOR:
As kids, we only had one job:
18
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,510
go to school
and get decent grades.
19
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,645
KIDS:
Bye, Mommy. Love you.
20
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,782
Have a good day.
Don't come home stupid.
21
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,550
KIDS:
We won't.
22
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,419
NARRATOR:
I could usually
get a good grade
23
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:55,288
just by talking
about Dr. Martin Luther King.
24
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,824
Free at last, free at last.
25
00:00:57,857 --> 00:01:00,694
Thank God Almighty,
we are free at last.
26
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,429
NARRATOR:
In English class...
27
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:05,498
My book report is on
Dr. Martin Luther King.
28
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,334
NARRATOR:
In history...
29
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,736
My history report is on
the Birmingham Bus Boycott
30
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:11,738
led by Dr. Martin Luther King.
31
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:14,240
The only place
Martin Luther King didn't work
32
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,542
was in math.
33
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:18,745
Chris, what's
the square root of 144?
34
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,480
[***]
35
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:24,351
1963? The same year that
Dr. Martin Luther King
36
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:26,319
led the March on Washington?
37
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,755
No, it's 12.
38
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:30,323
[BELL RINGS]
39
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,925
All right, class.
40
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:34,160
Pick up your report cards
on the way out
41
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:36,429
and bring them back
signed tomorrow.
42
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,266
Oh, no.
What?
43
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,268
I got an F.
44
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,270
Aw, man. That's rough.
45
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:45,772
What's your mom
gonna say?
46
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:48,608
I don't know, but it ain't
gonna be "Free at last."
47
00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,577
[***]
48
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:59,619
* Aw, make it funky now
49
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,877
[***]
50
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:28,515
Look at my babies!
Drew, you got a B-plus in gym.
51
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,618
Good job! You can have
whatever you want for dinner.
52
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,453
Really? Thanks, Mom.
Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,422
Uh, can I have pork chops
and spaghetti?
54
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,957
You sure can.
Yes!
55
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,560
Well, Mom, I got
a B in science.
56
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:41,728
What do I get?
57
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,397
You can have whatever
dessert you want.
58
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,765
Uh, ice cream and cake?
59
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,867
Ice cream and cake it is.
60
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,570
Good job, baby.
61
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,576
Ooh, boy, don't
you see me cooking?
62
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:57,711
Sorry.
63
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,783
Where's your report card?
They didn't hand them out yet.
64
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,820
NARRATOR:
I couldn't bring myself
to tell my mother I got an F.
65
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,556
Next to dealing drugs,
getting bad grades
66
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:11,291
was the worst thing
you could do.
67
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,293
It was worse than this...
68
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,494
Tonya, what happened?
69
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,029
Mama, I had to smoke that fool.
70
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:20,567
Oh, not him. I'm talking about
this D you got in algebra.
71
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,302
NARRATOR:
And worse than this...
72
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,704
Drew!
Where is that boy?
73
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,606
What the hell is wrong
with you?
74
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,274
I'm following my dream, Mama.
75
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,976
I'm gonna be a country
and western singer.
76
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,979
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about this F.
77
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,349
Now, take your Johnny Cashless
ass upstairs and study.
78
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,684
You think I'm
playing with you?
79
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,419
Where'd you get
that guitar?
80
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,454
You better not be selling
drugs in my house.
81
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,922
NARRATOR:
I didn't know what to do,
82
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,291
but I couldn't give her
that report card.
83
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,693
Let me know
when you get it.
84
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,361
Yes, ma'am.
85
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,963
[***]
86
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,531
Need any help cooking?
87
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,466
Sure. Thank you, baby.
88
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,503
NARRATOR:
I figured if I showed her
how useful I could be,
89
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,938
she wouldn't kill me
when she found out.
90
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:01,975
While I was trying to figure
out what to do about my F,
91
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,610
my father was home sick,
92
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,612
trying to figure out
how he got the gout.
93
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,815
Oh, baby...
when did you get the gout?
94
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,351
I don't know.
It just happened.
95
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,754
NARRATOR:
I know you're probably
wondering, what is the gout?
96
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:18,658
Well gout, or the gout
as some people like to call it,
97
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,494
is a form of arthritis,
which causes severe swelling
98
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,596
usually in the ankle
or the big toe.
99
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,399
It's caused by a poor diet,
including things like...
100
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,668
smothered pork chops.
101
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,637
Needs some salt.
102
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,008
Smothered chicken-fried bacon.
103
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,077
Needs some salt.
104
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,614
And smothered
chicken-fried bananas.
105
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,451
Not bad.
106
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,319
Needs salt.
107
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,389
Are you out
your damn mind?
108
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,091
All right, I'm going
to work the phones
109
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,992
over at the real estate
office today.
110
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,461
Try not to eat any junk.
111
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,096
I'll be home in time
to make dinner.
112
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,664
I can't eat that stuff all day.
113
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,899
You can if you want
to get rid of the gout.
114
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,036
Give me a kiss.
115
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,637
Mmm.
116
00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,540
[***]
117
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,642
When are you gonna
turn in your report card?
118
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:12,812
I was thinking, it's so busy
that if I didn't say anything,
119
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,948
Miss Morello will just
forget about it.
120
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,884
NARRATOR:
It didn't take much to graduate
from my old school.
121
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,420
All you needed was a ride
to the graduation.
122
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,088
Who are you?
123
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,890
I was in Ms. Jenkins' class.
124
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:26,626
Oh. Here.
125
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,928
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
126
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:33,500
Thank you.
127
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,503
[***]
128
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,638
Chris,
where's your report card?
129
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,939
My mom's been really busy.
130
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,908
I promise I'll have it
by tomorrow.
131
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:42,909
Make sure you do.
132
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:48,982
NARRATOR:
Because my father was used to
working all the time,
133
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,850
staying home was tough.
134
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,687
But at least he got to watch
one of his favorite things:
135
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,523
Soap operas.
The Yankees were good,
136
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,125
but not better
than soap operas.
137
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,994
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
[SIGHS]
138
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,163
NARRATOR:
At Corleone,
if you needed something
139
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,765
like a forged report card
or a tardy slip,
140
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,034
there was one guy
that could get it for you,
141
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,669
and his name was Fischer.
142
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,771
GREG: Hey, Fischer.
Who's this?
143
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,739
Chris.
144
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,474
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
145
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,476
He's not talking
to you. Chris.
146
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:18,078
He a friend of yours?
Yeah.
147
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,013
Pat him down.
148
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,182
[***]
149
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,787
He's clean.
What does he want?
150
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,123
I need a new--
Hey, hey.
151
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,691
Tell him
I'm not talking to him.
152
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,059
He's not talking to you.
153
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,761
He needs a new
report card.
154
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,696
He got an F, but he doesn't want
to show it to his mother.
155
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,631
Okay, I got it.
It's a two-part job.
156
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,134
He needs a report card with an A
for his mother to sign,
157
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:44,537
and a report card with an F with
his mother's signature on it.
158
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,573
So you'll do it?
I'm not talking to him.
159
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,208
He's not talking to you.
160
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,876
So you'll do it?
161
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,711
Okay, let's say
I do this for him.
162
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,079
What's he gonna do for me?
163
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,547
What do you want?
164
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,216
How about a book report
for English?
165
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,018
[***]
166
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,187
Hey, what the hell's
the matter with you?
167
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,789
Don't you see me
talking to you?
168
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,958
Don't you see him
talking to you?
169
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:08,061
Can it be on
Martin Luther King?
Deal.
170
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,563
Meet me in the science lab
storage room at 3.
171
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,065
Thanks.
Yeah.
172
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,267
Hey, look over there.
173
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,202
[SLURPING]
174
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,638
[***]
175
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,243
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
176
00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,012
Hey, Julius.
177
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,914
Uh...Rochelle's not here.
178
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,249
No, no, no.
179
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,984
Rochelle told me
to check on you.
180
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,086
And I brought you this.
What, a salad?
181
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,156
Yeah, I gotta get back.The
Young and the Restlessis on.
182
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,491
[***]
183
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:44,230
NARRATOR:
I've never had a forged
report card before,
184
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:47,934
but Greg told me
Fischer was the best.
185
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,143
NARRATOR:
One time he made
such a good fake,
186
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,680
they arrested the guy
who made the original.
187
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:40,987
Hey, Ma,
I got my report card.
188
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,256
Oh. Let me see.
NARRATOR:I was scared.
189
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:46,226
Felt like I was giving
a fake diamond to Lil' Kim.
190
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,129
An A in math?
191
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,031
Chris, this is so great.
192
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,766
You got an A in math?
193
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,267
That's right.
So what?
194
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,202
What's three times three?
Nine.
195
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,771
What's four times five?
Twenty.
196
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:59,739
What's eleven times eleven?
Shut up.
197
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,876
[JULIUS LAUGHING]
Can you sign this?
198
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,680
Oh, he does?
199
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,848
Julius!
200
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:12,085
Oh, hey, you know,
I gotta go.
201
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,788
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
202
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,990
Oh, man!
Who was that?
203
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,024
Oh, that was Monica.
204
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,026
She was
the hairdresser's friend.
205
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,195
She just wanted to know
what happened.
206
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,863
[GRUNTS]
207
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,266
Well, you two were on the phone
an awfully long time.
208
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,369
Did you know that your son
got an A in math?
209
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,004
My man!
210
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,340
That must be why his teacher
called this afternoon.
211
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,343
Yeah, she wants you to come down
to school on Wednesday
212
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,244
and talk about Chris's grade.
213
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,214
ANNOUNCER:
Will Rochelle find out
about Chris' actual grade?
214
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,050
How long will Chris be able
to keep up this lie?
215
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,820
Will Julius ever
get rid of the gout?
216
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:50,223
Will Tonya ask Chris
more math questions?
217
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,759
Will Drew get any lines?
218
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,963
Find out this and more, when
Everybody Hates Chrisreturns.
219
00:09:56,996 --> 00:10:01,735
* Everybody hates Chris
220
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:12,345
NARRATOR:
Once I got my mother's
signature on my report card,
221
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,115
Fischer had what he needed
to complete my plan.
222
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,351
What? I'm a natural.
223
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,153
Now beat it.
224
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,155
NARRATOR:
Since I had the cards in place,
225
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,157
all I had to do
was keep my mother
226
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,359
and Mrs. Morello
from seeing each other
227
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,696
and I would be home free.
228
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,831
Chris, do you have
your signed report card?
229
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:34,934
[***]
230
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,070
Sure do.
231
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,712
My mother says she won't be able
to come to the school tomorrow.
232
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,113
My father has the gout.
233
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,248
Did you say "the gout"?
234
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,916
Yes. The gout.
235
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,385
I'm concerned about
your grade, Chris.
236
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,220
Well, my mom is too.
237
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,490
She told me I better get a C
on my next report card.
238
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,993
And then she...
239
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,729
Well, let's just say it's
kind of hard to sit down.
240
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,764
[GASPS]
241
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,734
[WINCES, GROANS]
242
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,736
So I guess she's young
and he's restless.
243
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,404
[ALL LAUGHING]
244
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,972
Okay, wait, wait.
245
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,075
We're gonna come back
tomorrow for the update.
246
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,944
Wait, so does Victor's ex-wife
know about him and Nicky?
247
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:20,480
Ooh, you know what?
[ALL CHATTERING]
248
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,282
Hey, babe.
How you doing?
249
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,984
What's going on here?
Why didn't you tell us
250
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,120
Julius likes
The Young and the Restless?
251
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:28,221
I didn't know.
252
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:29,789
[WOMEN CHUCKLING]
253
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,257
This is Pam. You remember Pam.
How you doing?
254
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,460
Good. How are you?
How long y'all been here?
255
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,796
Oh, about three, four hours.
We're catching up on the soaps.
256
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,798
This is my girl Monica.
That's Rochelle.
257
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,133
Nice to meet you, Monica.
258
00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,435
Why do you look
so familiar to me?
259
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,004
You tried to sell me
food stamps
260
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,206
down by the subway that day.
I thought you said
261
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,141
you weren't selling
food stamps.
262
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,443
You were selling food stamps?
I wasn't selling no food stamps.
263
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,946
[PHONE RINGING]
264
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,781
Julius, go get the phone.
265
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,049
You hear
the phone ringing.
266
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,084
It rang, like,
three times already.
267
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,253
Thank you, baby.
[WOMEN CHUCKLE]
268
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,123
Girl, that gout
is making him lose his mind.
269
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,025
[ALL LAUGH]
270
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,193
Does gout mess with
your hearing?
271
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,962
[ALL LAUGHING]
272
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,931
Hello?
273
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,501
Hey, Mrs. Morello.
274
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:16,836
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on.
275
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,206
Honey, it's for you.
276
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,374
Where'd they go?
277
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,343
They left, gout boy.
278
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,512
[***]
279
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,251
ROCHELLE:
Hi. How are you?
280
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,022
What? An F?
281
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,961
What happened?
The teacher just told me
282
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,396
that Chris got an F.
283
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,898
But he said he got an A.
284
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,933
I can't believe that boy
285
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:49,436
looked me dead in the eye
and lied to me.
286
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,105
How you wanna handle this?
287
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,474
NARRATOR:
Translation:
do you want to kill him,
288
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,042
or should I?
289
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,244
Hmm...
Oh, I know what to do.
290
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,979
TONYA: Whoa, pancakes?
Pancakes?
291
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,514
Hey, Mom,
we're having pancakes?
292
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,116
No, Chris
is having pancakes.
293
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,151
That's my baby's reward
for getting an A.
294
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,920
TONYA:
Can I have
some pancakes?
295
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,154
Did you get an A?
I got a B.
296
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,223
That's not an A.
Can I have some pancakes?
297
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,325
My foot's getting better. I
might make it to work tomorrow.
298
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,527
Pancakes are
for people who get A's,
299
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,129
not for people
who get the gout.
300
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:17,864
Baby, you want
anything else?
301
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,133
My A student deserves
nothing but the best.
302
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:23,136
No. No. Oh, by the way,
my teacher says
303
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,005
she won't
be able to see you today.
304
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,374
That's okay, baby.
I'll talk to her next time.
305
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,275
You want some butter?
306
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,079
My foot's looking better,
don't you think?
307
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,482
Why are you talking
about your foot?
308
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,118
Your son has no conscience.
309
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,287
In there eating pancakes
like he actually got an A.
310
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,556
If you didn't want him
to have the pancakes,
311
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,158
what'd you give them
to him for?
312
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,594
For him to feel guilty
and confess.
313
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,629
But that's okay.
314
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,898
Tomorrow I got
something for him.
315
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:54,934
Baby, let's talk
about this. Come on.
316
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,904
Oh, so now
you want to talk to me?
317
00:13:57,937 --> 00:13:59,906
Why don't you just
talk to your friends,
318
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,541
since you talk to them
all the time?
319
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,143
Rochelle,
those are your friends.
320
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,879
We were just talking
about the soaps.
321
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,314
Are you jealous?
322
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,050
Hell, yeah. Damn skippy.
323
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,052
How would you feel
if you came home
324
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,620
and I was sitting there
talking to
325
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,188
your friends
about football?
326
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,390
You like football?
No, I don't like football.
327
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,626
Julius, you always want
to talk to me
328
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,594
about bills or the kids.
329
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,296
I just think it would be nice
330
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:25,632
to talk about
something else for a change.
331
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,134
You want to talk
about the gout?
332
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:31,071
No! I don't want
to talk about the gout!
333
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,073
[***]
334
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,474
So it worked?
335
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,043
Yep. I told my mother
that Miss Morello was busy,
336
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,279
and I told Miss Morello
that my mother was busy.
337
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,981
That was that,
and I'm just glad it's over.
338
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,087
NARRATOR:
They say when
you're about to die
339
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,489
your life flashes
right before your eyes.
340
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,658
Well, here's
what mine looked like...
341
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,993
[***]
342
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,973
Dude, you're
definitely not in there.
343
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,011
Bye, Chris.
344
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,313
Don't tell any lies
when you get to heaven.
345
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,182
Hey, Chris, can I have
your comic books?
346
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,985
That's a $2 pair of underwear
you're messing up.
347
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,727
Rest in peace, Toby.
348
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,400
Chris.
349
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,668
Hi, Mom.
350
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,369
Oh, don't mind me.
351
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,272
I'm just here to watch my
brilliant, mathematician son
352
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,373
in action.
353
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,142
Miss Morello said
it would be okay.
354
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,743
[***]
355
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:51,518
NARRATOR:
If I could just be cool, maybe
everything will be all right.
356
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,453
Today we're doing fractions.
357
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:57,090
What does three-twelfths
plus three-fourths equal?
358
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,292
Ooh! Ooh!
Me! Pick me.
359
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,627
Rochelle.
360
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,429
Chris has an answer.
361
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,496
He got an A.
362
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,698
That's right.
363
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,266
He did get an A.
364
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,772
NARRATOR:
If I could drive,
I'd do this...
365
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,578
I don't know the answer.
366
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,647
ROCHELLE:
No?
367
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,450
Well, how is that possible?
368
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,518
You're the math wiz.
369
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,388
The human calculator.
370
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,824
You got an A.
371
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,163
I actually got an F.
372
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:43,169
NARRATOR:
This must be how Marion Barry
felt when that tape got out.
373
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,738
Miss Morello,
374
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,639
thank you
for your time.
375
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:47,774
Come on, Chris.
376
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,779
See you later, Stymie.
377
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,453
Ma, I can explain.
378
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:01,721
Okay.
379
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:02,789
Go ahead.
380
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,591
For real?
381
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,160
Yeah. Explain this.
382
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,497
Okay.
383
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,633
I was afraid you'd get
mad at me for getting an F.
384
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,169
I thought I could
do better next semester,
385
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:20,306
so I changed my grade,
forged your signature
386
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,809
onto the report card
and gave it to Miss Morello.
387
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,511
I thought
you wouldn't find out.
388
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,646
[MOCKINGLY]
"I thought you
wouldn't find out."
389
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,416
[NORMALLY]
Boy, what do I look like,
Boo-Boo the Fool?
390
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,619
You're running around here
lying, forging my signature.
391
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,154
Have you lost your mind?
392
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,822
Look, Chris,
if you lie
393
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,224
you steal,
if you steal, you kill,
394
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,660
and I am not getting
your behind out of jail.
395
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:42,295
Chris...
396
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,230
if you would have put
this much effort
397
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,266
into passing the class
in the first place,
398
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,600
you wouldn't
be in this mess.
399
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,236
I am very upset
that you failed that class,
400
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,339
but I'm more upset
that you lied to me.
401
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,574
You are not
stupid, Chris.
402
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,276
Don't act like it.
403
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,179
I bought you in this world,
I'll take you right out.
404
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,481
Do you understand me?
405
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,650
Yes, ma'am.
406
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,151
All right.
407
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,187
Now bring your behind home.
408
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,755
NARRATOR:
My mother had a funny way
409
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,858
of making me feel like the
smartest idiot in the world.
410
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,360
Wait, that's it?
411
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,295
No, you better bring
that grade up,
412
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,498
or I'm gonna slap
the wax out your ears.
413
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,300
NARRATOR:
After I got caught,
414
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:23,203
my parents finally had
something to talk about.
415
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,638
What happened
with Chris today?
416
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,208
Oh, I got it all handled.
417
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,578
How's your foot?
418
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,580
It's all right.
419
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,318
Got a surprise for you.
420
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,389
I watched
your soap today.
421
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,723
Really?
422
00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:45,959
Yeah, but if you don't
feel like talking...
423
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,327
No, no, no, no.
424
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,863
We can talk about it.
425
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,464
Oh.
426
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:55,468
Did you know that
Nicky was a stripper?
427
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,871
A stripper?
Mm-hmm.
428
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,740
Does Victor know?
He does now.
429
00:19:00,774 --> 00:19:02,942
[CHUCKLES]
430
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,845
NARRATOR:
Things always
worked out best in my house
431
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,747
when everybody did their job.
432
00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:09,449
And after
being more embarrassed
433
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,784
than I'd ever been in my life,
434
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:14,220
all I had to do
was one more thing.
435
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,322
Mom, I got my report card.
436
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,894
A D!
437
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,897
My baby got a D.
438
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,899
And you're happy about that?
439
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:29,903
I'm just happy I don't have
to smack the chap off your lips.
440
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:34,441
* Everybody hates Chris
441
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,413
NARRATOR:
Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.
442
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,451
[***]
443
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,322
* Aw, make it funky now