1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,137
[***]
2
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,805
CHRIS ROCK:
As rough as I had it as a kid,
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:09,442
even I got excited
when Christmas came around.
4
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,511
Chris, how do you
spell "cabbage"?
5
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,446
C-A-B-B-A-G-E.
6
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,183
Thanks. "Cabbage Patch."
DREW: Oh, Chris!
7
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,652
Look at this cool BMX bike.
Oh, that's cool.
8
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,155
Chris, what are you
putting on your list?
9
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:25,125
I'm not writing a list.
That's for kids.
10
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,127
I wasn't writing a list
11
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,630
because the only thing I wanted
was a portable cassette player.
12
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,800
Having a Walkman meant you
could even listen to bad music
13
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,502
and nobody had to know.
14
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:38,271
I had been leaving that ad
all over the house,
15
00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:41,274
so I was pretty sure
my mother got the hint.
16
00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:43,410
[***]
17
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:05,598
Since I only wanted one gift,
I knew I'd get it.
18
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,535
This was going to be
the best Christmas ever.
19
00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:09,469
[GROANS]
20
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,771
Happy Kwanza, Kunta Kinte.
21
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,873
Well, maybe notever.
22
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,376
[***]
23
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,317
* Aw, make it funky now
24
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,643
I'm getting a ColecoVision.
Wait.
25
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,380
You have an Atari and
you're getting a ColecoVision?
26
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,215
Yeah. What are you getting?
27
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,850
I'm getting a Walkman.
28
00:01:56,883 --> 00:01:58,518
No way.
29
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,687
It's the only thing
I've been asking for.
30
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,256
I would kill for one
of those. You're so lucky.
31
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,758
How come your dad
doesn't get you one?
32
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,760
Censorship.
He wants to makes sure
33
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,828
he can hear the music
I'm listening to.
34
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,831
First rap was fun,
then rap was gun.
35
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,801
Let me go, you bitches.
You're punks, both of you.
36
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,538
West side! West side!
Jeez, kid, will you shut up?
37
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,807
Years later,
Greg played some Ice Cube
38
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,475
and his own father shot him.
39
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:26,780
Class, since this
is the season of giving,
40
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,783
I'd like you all to bring in
canned food items,
41
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:33,520
so we can donate them
to those less fortunate.
42
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,622
It's funny how most people
only think about
43
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,590
feeding the needy
during Christmas.
44
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,759
I'm sure there's a lot
of hungry people
45
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,528
during President's Day.
46
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:43,697
Yes, Chris?
Do we have to bring in cans?
47
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,665
Can we bring in, like,
boxes of food?
48
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,634
You don't have
to bring anything,
49
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,503
but that's
very thoughtful of you.
50
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,506
I know this time of year
must be hard for your family.
51
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,409
No. We're doing fine.
52
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,579
I know. I know.
53
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:01,681
She made it seem
like we were having
54
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,284
a bowl of steam
for dinner that night.
55
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:05,452
[JULIUS YELPS]
56
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,354
Who used up all the hot water?
57
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,555
It's five degrees outside.
58
00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:10,423
What you trying to do,
kill me?
59
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,625
Chris said it was cool
when he took a shower earlier.
60
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:15,795
Oh! The hot water heater's
probably broken again.
61
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,565
Think you can fix it?
I'm already holding it together
62
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,300
with duct tape and hangers.
63
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,835
We're just gonna have
to replace it.
64
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,738
Well, baby, how much
do you think that's gonna cost?
65
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,473
More than I got.
66
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,842
Will we have enough money
to buy Christmas presents?
67
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,678
I thought you finished shopping.
I bought a few things,
68
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,347
but I have got to get
that Walkman for Chris.
69
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,583
He's been giving me hints
since Thanksgiving.
70
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,319
These kids get
too many gifts on Christmas.
71
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,454
When I was a kid,
instead of buying gifts,
72
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,590
my father used to call
the cops on Christmas
73
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,425
and tell us
the house got robbed.
74
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,594
In order to make
extra money for Christmas,
75
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,062
my father would do any job.
76
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,730
That'll be $30.
77
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,400
He worked as a cab driver.
That's okay.
78
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,335
It was easy for him
to pick up odd jobs
79
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,037
for extra money
when he needed it.
80
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,571
Merry Christmas.
81
00:03:58,605 --> 00:03:59,706
Lint roll, sir?
Yeah.
82
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,841
He worked as a lint roller.
83
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,612
Thank you.
84
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,015
He even worked
as an oil taster.
85
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:12,352
This is 10-W 30.
You need 10-W 40.
86
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,521
Now, that's a father.
87
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,324
TONYA:
Drew.
88
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,592
Drew.
89
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:22,829
Drew!
Ow!
90
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,932
What'd you do that for?
How do you spell "Malibu"?
91
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:29,903
M-A-L-I-BOO?
92
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,505
You still writing that
stupid Christmas list?
93
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,507
It's not stupid.
Yes, it is.
94
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,843
Everybody knows there's
no Santa Claus, Tonya.
95
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:38,078
That's not true.
96
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,547
And it's not stupid.
You're stupid.
97
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,582
You're stupid.
You're stupid.
98
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,651
ROCHELLE:
Drew, stop calling
your sister stupid!
99
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,519
My mother had amazing hearing.
100
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:50,523
We couldn't do anything in our
house without her hearing it.
101
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:55,729
Chris! Quit throwing cotton
balls all over the place!
102
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,533
What are y'all arguing about?
Nothing.
103
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:04,571
Drew said there's
no such thing as Santa Claus.
104
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:06,673
What are you talking about, boy?
105
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,642
Of course there's
a Santa Claus, baby.
106
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,478
CHRIS: Hey.
DREW: What's up, bro?
107
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,079
We're having
a food drive at school.
108
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,715
Can I bring some canned goods?
Okay.
109
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,651
But don't take generic brands.
Only store brands.
110
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,520
I do not want
those people thinking
111
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,022
we can't afford to donate food.
112
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,157
My mother would give away
all the food we had
113
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:27,827
if she thought it would prove
we didn't need it.
114
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,596
How come you said
my list is stupid?
115
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,632
Because everybody knows
there's no Santa Claus.
116
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,135
Come here, let me
show you something.
117
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,505
Where are we going?
118
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:39,973
I'm taking you to the toys.
119
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,808
Santa doesn't come
down the chimney.
120
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,044
We don't even have
a chimney, we have radiators.
121
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,913
You ever heard of Santa Claus
coming through radiators?
122
00:05:46,946 --> 00:05:48,982
But how can we have
our toys already
123
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,018
if I haven't even
finished my list?
124
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,020
Because.
125
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,489
Hey, man. What you doing?
126
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,693
I'm taking canned goods
to school for the needy.
127
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:04,798
[CASH REGISTER CLICKING, DINGS]
128
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:07,033
Man, that's $2.89 cent
worth of food.
129
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,003
What you trying to do,
feed the needy or be the needy?
130
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,838
Rochelle!
Julius!
131
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,740
[***]
132
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,478
My parents tried not argue
in front of the kids,
133
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,181
so instead,
they just made faces.
134
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,989
They make curse-out faces too,
but we can't show you those.
135
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,026
Meanwhile, Drew was showing
Tanya something
136
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,895
no kid should see.
137
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,997
See, I told you.
138
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,001
[***]
139
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:45,538
[DOOR SLAMS]
140
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,806
Whoa! Cool!
141
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,014
Tonya wasn't the only one
having a bad day.
142
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,882
Is there something wrong?
143
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,985
Have a seat, baby.
144
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,920
The last time they asked me
to sit down
145
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,957
before they told me something,
The Jackson Five broke up.
146
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,792
Hey, Chris. Heh.
147
00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,094
Um, baby, look, I know you've
been looking forward
148
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,663
to getting that new Walkman
for Christmas.
149
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,665
And, Chris, I've always
wanted my kids
150
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,502
to have a better Christmas
than I had growing up.
151
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,538
But the older you get,
the more you learn
152
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,240
about the sacrifices
you have to make.
153
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,043
Sacrifices?
154
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,111
Uh...
155
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,646
Uh...
156
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,682
Like not getting
a new pair of work boots
157
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:29,816
so you kids can have shoes.
158
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,685
Or like taking
the subway to work
159
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,653
so your wife can use the car.
160
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,529
Mom, Dad, I'm 13.
161
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,597
You're not getting
a present for Christmas.
162
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,767
He said that
like we're out of bacon.
163
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,703
We gotta buy
a new water heater.
164
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,571
Well, then, we need a plan
165
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,640
to tell Drew and Tonya.
Tell them what?
166
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:54,974
That they're not
getting presents.
167
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,043
Who said they weren't getting
anything?
168
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,214
Wait, they're getting stuff
and I'm not?
169
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,049
You're older, Chris.
170
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,285
They wouldn't understand.
171
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,555
Am I gonna get anything?
172
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:13,860
Oh, baby, you'll be able to use
up all the hot water you want.
173
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,129
So all I'm getting
is a clean ass?
174
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,797
Steaming hot.
175
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,301
* Everybody hates Chris
176
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,078
So you're not getting
anything for Christmas?
177
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,580
Nope.
178
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,248
Man, nothing for Christmas?
179
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,784
Isn't that considered
child abuse?
180
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,586
Sure does feel like it.
181
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,321
They'll put something
in your stocking.
182
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,923
Maybe some leftover sausage.
183
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:47,027
There's gotta be
a law against this.
184
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,863
Oh, Chris, look at you.
185
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,898
You didn't have
to bring any food.
186
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,001
Sometimes I forget
how strong your people are.
187
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,936
What do you mean,
how strong my people are?
188
00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,607
What do I mean,
how strong your people are?
189
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,209
You shall overcome someday.
190
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:07,147
See me after class.
I have something for you.
191
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,648
Okay.
192
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,752
Do I look like
Malcolm X to you, lady?
193
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,321
How would you like
to overcome a brick?
194
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,664
Tonya, I thought you were
gonna put up the decorations.
195
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,833
I don't want to now.
196
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:30,303
Why not?
Because.
197
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,173
You and Daddy lied to me.
198
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,041
We lied to you? About what?
199
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,244
I know there's no such thing
as Santa Claus.
200
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,114
When my mother heard
Tonya say those words,
201
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,717
it was like she wasn't
her baby anymore.
202
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,185
What else did you
lie to me about?
203
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,053
Are you gonna kick me out
if I get pregnant?
204
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,155
Is it true you ain't
taking care of no baby?
205
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,890
Can I really not bring
a white boy home?
206
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,225
Does the Foreman Grill
really knock out the fat?
207
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,060
Can I really get a loan
with no money down?
208
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,864
Are you my real mother?
Mama, I want answers.
209
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:02,302
Tonya, like Mommy told you,
thereisa Santa Claus.
210
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:06,172
So how come there's a room
upstairs full of presents?
211
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,808
Who told you that?
Drew showed me.
212
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,078
Drew, get in here!
213
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,013
Yes, Mom?
214
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,349
Did you show Tonya
the presents upstairs?
215
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,151
Yeah.
216
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,021
We need to talk.
217
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,222
Uh...no.
218
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,157
Hold on, Mama. No, no.
219
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,993
My mother talked about beating
us all the time,
220
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,862
but the only time
she ever beat us
221
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,764
is when she said
she wanted to talk.
222
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,299
And she talked the hell
out of Drew that night.
223
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,902
[DREW GROANING, SCREAMS]
224
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,938
[GRUNTS]
225
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,844
Oh.
Well, what's all this stuff?
226
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,813
I got it from my teacher.
Hm.
227
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:50,316
She thinks that we're
underprivileged and starving.
228
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,119
Oh, no. Mm-mm.
229
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,721
Absolutely not.
230
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,890
I am not gonna have
them people thinking
231
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,858
that we don't have
anything to eat.
232
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,960
She wasn't too proud
to take those olives.
233
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,796
Where you going?
I'm taking this
234
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,930
to put more food in it.
235
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,265
You're taking this back.
236
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,966
My mother was so upset
237
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,935
about people thinking
we needed charity,
238
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,837
she almost forgot
she felt guilty
239
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,272
about not getting me a gift.
240
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,373
Chris, wait a minute.
241
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,109
Look, I'm sorry.
242
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,244
I know all of this
is not your fault.
243
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,214
I know it seems kind of crazy
with me giving back free food
244
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,150
when we can't even afford
to buy you a Christmas gift.
245
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,252
It's okay.
246
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:29,489
After that, my mother gave me
the one gift she could afford.
247
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,425
She was really nice to me!
248
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:36,229
Who needs Christmas when all
your wildest dreams come true?
249
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,264
Chris gets the big piece.
250
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,802
I got the big piece of chicken.
251
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,771
[***]
252
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,109
Merry Christmas.
253
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,448
I didn't have to do any chores.
254
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,950
Tonya, wash the dishes.
255
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,785
I thought Chris
had to do 'em.
256
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:01,521
You thought wrong.
257
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,323
I got Tonya in trouble.
258
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,025
Ow! Ow!
259
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,961
Mama, Tonya hit me twice.
260
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,065
It felt so good, I was thinking
what life would be like
261
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,533
if I never got a present.
262
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,402
Get up and let your brother
watch TV.
263
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,904
But, Ma!
But nothing! Get up.
264
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,243
I wondered what I could get
if the roof caved in.
265
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,313
Mwah!
266
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,318
Hey, Drew, can you
pass me the remote?
267
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,387
Tsk, yeah, right.
268
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,122
Ma...
269
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,424
[GROANS]
270
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,159
[MUTTERING]
271
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,064
I couldn't believe
how good I had it.
272
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,232
Meanwhile,
Tonya didn't believe anything.
273
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,869
Mama, is cornbread
made of corn?
274
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,304
Mm, no.
275
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:54,874
I think it's made
of cornmeal. Why?
276
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,043
Just checking.
DREW: Why, you want Santa Claus
277
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,978
to bring you
some cornbread for Christmas?
278
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,513
He could bring it with
your Cabbage Patch Doll.
279
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:05,051
Hey, hey. Stop it. Okay? Enough.
JULIUS: Leave your sister alone.
280
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,854
Drew, you believed in the Easter
Bunny till about her age.
281
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:09,622
Chris, you near lost
all your teeth
282
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,892
before you stopped believing
in the Tooth Fairy.
283
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,530
There's no Easter Bunny
or Tooth Fairy, either?
284
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,399
Uh...
No, baby, he...
285
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,900
He didn't mean that.
286
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,636
Somebody better give me
my teeth back.
287
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,206
Baby, I didn't mean it!
I didn't mean it!
288
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,542
Julius! I can't believe you!
I want my teeth back!
289
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,144
Baby, no...
Tonya!
290
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:32,545
We were joking!
It's a joke!
291
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:36,016
It's a... Ha-ha! It's a joke!
292
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,987
That's her. She said Santa
can't come to our house,
293
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,889
'cause all we have
is space heaters.
294
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,657
Santa can't come
through a space heater.
295
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,559
What kind of children
are you raising?
296
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,361
This girl's going around
crushing dreams.
297
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,964
Is that what you want her to be?
A dream crusher?
298
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,333
No, but I--
That girl needs to be stopped.
299
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,138
Tonya!
It's the truth!
300
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,341
Normally, my mother would smack
the grease out of Tonya's hair.
301
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,044
But she couldn't smack her
for telling the truth.
302
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,578
GREG:
What's that?
303
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,480
My mom made me bring
all this stuff back
304
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,583
to prove that we can afford
to donate food.
305
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,586
Hey, yo, I got
something for you.
306
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,156
Thanks! What's this?
Open it.
307
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,994
"Computer Games."
Who is it?
308
00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:22,228
George Clinton.
309
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,164
There's a song on there,
"Atomic Dog,"
310
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,199
I heard it on the radio.
It's really funny.
311
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,034
Think I'll like it?
I don't know.
312
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,470
When you finally get your
Walkman, you'll have a tape.
313
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,206
I always liked
that Greg was so optimistic.
314
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,941
To this day, he still thinks
315
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:37,010
Al B. Sure's gonna make
a comeback.
316
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,645
[BELL RINGS]
317
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:45,385
But if Santa Claus is not real,
why do people make it up?
318
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:48,455
Tonya, Santa is
just a way to teach kids
319
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,323
about the spirit of giving.
320
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,293
He's just a symbol,
that's all.
321
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,394
Oh.
322
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,997
Tonya, you're a big girl,
323
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,700
and now that you're old
enough to know the truth,
324
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,202
it's your responsibility
325
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,371
to not spoil it
for other kids, okay?
326
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,374
Because you want to give them
something to believe in.
327
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,442
Exactly.
328
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:12,045
That's my big girl. Mwah!
329
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,080
So you do understand.
330
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:17,650
Yeah. It's okay to lie.
331
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,120
Aw, good night, Mommy.
332
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,422
You think explaining
Santa Claus to Tonya was hard,
333
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,392
you should have been there
for the birds and the bees.
334
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,028
Ew, that's nasty!
335
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,163
[***]
336
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:37,137
Nobody ever seems to get
any sleep on Christmas Eve.
337
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:42,042
Everybody's up
for different reasons.
338
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,309
What you doing, baby?
339
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,545
Setting out
milk and cookies.
340
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,147
We talked about this.
341
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,116
We did.
And they're not for Santa.
342
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,618
They're for you.
343
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,153
[CHUCKLES]
344
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,455
Thank you, baby.
345
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,727
But since I wasn't getting
anything,
346
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,029
I didn't have that problem.
347
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,731
[SNORING]
348
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:11,438
On Christmas morning, I even
took my time going downstairs.
349
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,714
Now that Tonya knew there
wasn't a Santa Claus,
350
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,249
her complaints went
directly to my mother.
351
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,753
Mama, I wanted a Cabbage Patch
Doll with long hair.
352
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,322
How about you have
no doll with no hair?
353
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:32,759
Oh, thank you.
Okay.
354
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,128
Chris, this one
is for you, baby.
355
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,430
Is it a new album?
Open it and find out.
356
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,066
They were giving those away
at the doctor's office
357
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,334
I deliver papers to.
358
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,069
Thought you could use it
for school.
359
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,138
Thanks. I will.
360
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,108
Hey, Chris, what'd you get?
361
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,743
A calendar.
362
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,344
A calendar?
363
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,847
Yeah, that's what I wanted.
364
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,149
See, now, look here.
Did you know that May
365
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,184
is High Blood Pressure Month?
DREW & TONYA: No.
366
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,387
You would if you had a calendar.
ROCHELLE: See?
367
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,689
All y'all should ask
for calendars next year.
368
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,492
JULIUS: That's a good idea.
Hey, Chris, wanna go
369
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,362
ride my bike outside later?
By "later," he meant summer.
370
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:13,466
Yeah, sure.
Hey, Chris. You can have this.
371
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,671
Are you sure?
Yeah. I'm sure.
372
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,839
Baby, that's so nice.
373
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:23,243
That's what I thought too.
374
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,811
Yes! I win again!
375
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,447
In your face! Ooh!
376
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,551
What now?
I don't get New Year's?
377
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,286
Mwah! Thank you.
378
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,188
For what?
For the way you've handled
379
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,389
not getting what you wanted.
380
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,125
You've really made
us proud, man.
381
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,460
Drew and Tonya are kids.
382
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,395
They need Christmas presents
more than me.
383
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,431
You know, you're really
growing up, Chris.
384
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,334
It's kind of nice having
another man around the house.
385
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,602
It was weird.
That morning with my parents
386
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:53,173
felt better
than any gift I ever got.
387
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,608
Here you go.
What's this?
388
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:58,311
Toy store coupon,
50 percent off.
389
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,647
It's good till March.
390
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,450
By the end of the day,
it didn't even matter anymore
391
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,886
that I didn't have a gift,
because I had a good day.
392
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,589
And right now, I'm with
Mrs. Vivian Morello.
393
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:10,824
Hey, that's my teacher.
394
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,392
It is?
Mm-hm.
395
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,694
Every year,
my students collect food
396
00:18:14,728 --> 00:18:18,264
for the very poorest,
most destitute
397
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,166
and neediest families.
398
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,468
These people are so poor,
399
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,169
they probably don't
have anything
400
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,704
but the clothes on their backs.
401
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:27,474
Even though they're
embarrassingly underprivileged,
402
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:31,211
they're just too proud
to ask for help.
403
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,614
Too proud to ask for help.
And they're poor.
404
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:38,251
Tonight, we're going to give
a family this basket.
405
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:41,321
Now, who wants somebody
coming to their door on TV
406
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:44,257
talking about
how poor they are?
407
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,193
This is so exciting.
408
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,595
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
[KNOCKING]
409
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,196
Mm, I'll get it.
410
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,632
You got it?
411
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,704
BOTH:
Merry Christmas!
412
00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:01,441
Chris!
413
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:05,645
* Everybody hates Chris
414
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,653
CHRIS ROCK:
Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.
415
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:19,292
[***]
416
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,228
* Aw, make it funky now