1
00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:03,960
[Earl Narrating]
Number 83 on my list...
2
00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:07,290
was "Never took the time
to teach Randy how to blow a bubble. "
3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,360
- That was closer.
- This is impossible.
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,370
Come on now. I know you can do this.
5
00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:16,400
I've seen you do it once before. Remember when
you were dating that Camdenite girl?
6
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,700
Whatever happened with that Camdenite girl?
7
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,300
I thought you two were gonna be a item.
8
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,580
I accidentally killed her.
9
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:28,410
- [Bell Rings]
- [Man] Order up.
10
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,420
Oh. Okay.
11
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,180
That's uh-That's cool, I guess.
12
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,020
I'm kidding.
She is dead though. Terrible car wreck.
13
00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,890
They never did find her head.
14
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,930
I'm sorry to hear that.
15
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,500
I'm just kiddin'.
16
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:54,900
- We just broke up. She's in truck driving school.
- Randy, you never told me that.
17
00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,910
You just told me the car wreck thing.
18
00:00:57,010 --> 00:01:00,240
I've been thinking she was dead and headless
for the last five months.
19
00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:03,780
Yeah, sometimes I like to let my jokes age
like a fine wine.
20
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,550
Did Uncle Roger really get killed
by a bear last year?
21
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,560
Wait for it.
22
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:14,220
My name is Earl.
23
00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:21,400
That was better.
You didn't fall off your stool this time.
24
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:25,070
Now, you go stand and face the claw machine...
25
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:27,770
and think about what you've done.
26
00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:35,080
- What was that all about?
- Blatant disrespect.
27
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,910
I specifically told that boy
to stay away from Eugenia's daughter Tiffany...
28
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:41,110
and I come home from getting a mole burned
to find the two of them...
29
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:44,120
sitting on top of the Andersons' old fridge,
holding hands.
30
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:47,250
Oh, come on, Joy.
He's got a girlfriend. That's sweet.
31
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,990
No son of mine is gonna date
something that fell out of Eugenia's devil chute.
32
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,120
That woman is evil. If there is a Lord above...
33
00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:56,460
he'll sucker punch her with double eye cancer.
34
00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:59,130
We have reason to believe
Eugenia's been stealing our Valu-Paks.
35
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,400
[Spits, Groans]
36
00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:03,140
What if I want my closets remodeled?
37
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:07,010
Custom blinds,
air duct cleaning, concrete resurfacing?
38
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,170
Hell, we might want to take
the family to the dentist.
39
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,150
Do you know how expensive
that is without a coupon?
40
00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:14,920
Damn it!
41
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,050
Who gave him a taco?
42
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,490
There are no tacos in time-out!
43
00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:22,360
I feel bad for Dodge.
44
00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:25,590
It's probably for the best. That little girl...
45
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,670
will just break his heart anyway.
46
00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:31,030
Build him up full of hope
with her sweet little smile...
47
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,070
and pretty little eyes...
48
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,570
and then pull the rug of love
out from under him...
49
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:41,210
send him crashing to the floor
with nothing to catch him but the cold, cold world.
50
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,450
Bitches. Little 10-year-old bitches.
51
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:46,620
[Earl Narrating]
Randy was a little bitter.
52
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,350
His first love wasn't as great
as the '80s power ballads made it out to be.
53
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,290
One summer, as punishment...
54
00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:55,660
our parents sent us to the lake
for a month with our Aunt Gail.
55
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,990
Boys, when you're finished with my laundry,
I need you to get in here.
56
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,030
I feel a rash creepin' on.
57
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,700
I need one of you boys to hold up my back skin...
58
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,500
while the other one
gives me a good once-over with the fan.
59
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,870
I call the fan.
60
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,640
[Earl Narrating] After we finished our chores,
we went out and spent our allowance.
61
00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:18,550
Unfortunately, Aunt Gail paid us in rocks.
62
00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,990
Randy was a master at skipping rocks.
63
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:29,090
And I stunk at it.
64
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,390
[Ducks Quacking]
65
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,490
My cousin wanted me to bring you this note.
66
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,500
Oh, sweet.
She must have noticed I'm growing out my 'stache.
67
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,570
It's for the Skipper.
68
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,660
[Ducks Quacking]
69
00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,570
We call you the Sinker.
70
00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,850
"Skipper...
71
00:03:46,950 --> 00:03:48,880
"Do you like me?
72
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,750
"'Cause if you like me...
73
00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:54,790
"then I like you too.
74
00:03:54,890 --> 00:03:57,050
Heart, Pinky."
75
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:08,230
[Earl Narrating] Pinky was the first girl
who "like"liked Randy...
76
00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,630
and he took full-full advantage of it.
77
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:13,470
#Do you like me #
78
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:15,600
#Well, I hope you do #
79
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,880
#'Cause if you like me #
80
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:22,750
#Then I think I'm gonna have to
like you too #
81
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,280
#We'll share our things #
82
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,410
#And have some fun #
83
00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,530
#Then we'll say good-bye #
84
00:04:32,630 --> 00:04:35,990
#And go back home
when the day is done #
85
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,760
#If you tell me #
86
00:04:40,870 --> 00:04:42,990
#I'll tell you too #
87
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,000
#And we'll say the things #
88
00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:49,010
- # And do the things that lovers do ##
- Earl!
89
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:51,300
She says she's gonna
let me kiss her tonight on the bridge.
90
00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:54,350
I'm gonna try and go under
the shirt and over the bra.
91
00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:57,010
I bet she stuffs her bra
with some really nice tissue.
92
00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,050
[Earl Narrating] Randy waited on the bridge
for three hours that night...
93
00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,120
but Pinky never showed up.
94
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:24,100
I looked for her for the rest of the summer,
but she was gone.
95
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,110
I never saw her again.
96
00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:28,700
You know, you should look Pinky up,
find out what happened to her.
97
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:31,550
Can we, Earl? Can we find Pinky?
98
00:05:31,650 --> 00:05:34,820
That was 20 years ago.
You don't even know her real name.
99
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,320
So what? Remember that guy I found sleeping
in the back of the El Camino the other morning?
100
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,790
I didn't know his name, and he was easy to find.
101
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,490
Randy, it's a bad idea.
It'll end badly. I know it.
102
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,530
But knowing something's
gonna end badly has never stopped us before-
103
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,970
like driving with our feet
or drinking an entire fish aquarium.
104
00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:52,100
- Randy-
- Earl...
105
00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:54,300
Pinky was the only girl who ever loved me.
106
00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:57,840
Now, it might be crazy, but Darnell's right.
107
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,640
I should try and find her. Please?
108
00:06:03,650 --> 00:06:05,910
Fine.
109
00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:08,680
[Earl Narrating]
It only took us 45 minutes to get to the lake...
110
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:11,760
but it felt like three hours,
'cause Randy changed the lyrics...
111
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:15,420
of every song on the radio
to "Pinky, Pinky, Pinky, Pinky."
112
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,630
1984.
113
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:22,070
Boy, that's a long time ago.
114
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:26,110
In 1984, I could lift both arms over my head.
115
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:28,610
Now all I can do is this.
[Grunts]
116
00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:33,650
[Grunts]
If my nose itches...
117
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:37,740
I gotta rub my face against the side of a tree!
118
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:41,620
Anyway, her-her name was Pinky,
and she called me Skipper.
119
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,520
We rented a boat here once.
She used her father's credit card.
120
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:50,030
Well, I guess I can check the old receipts for you,
see if I can find somethin'.
121
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:52,830
Oh, and she had pink hair.
122
00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:57,700
Wait. Pink hair?
123
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,140
Oh.
124
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,140
She's dead, son.
125
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,610
What? No.
126
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:06,300
Just kiddin'!
[Laughs]
127
00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:09,440
Zing!
[Chuckles]
128
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,810
That is my kind of guy.
129
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,620
How cool is this, Earl? It's a beautiful day...
130
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,620
I've got your best pair of underwear on...
131
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,290
and we're gonna find my first love again.
132
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,730
Randy, that old guy's
been looking through receipts for six hours.
133
00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:27,490
Just promise me you won't get your hopes up.
134
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,730
Even if we find her, which I doubt...
135
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,930
she could be married or not even remember you.
136
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,060
I won't get my hopes up.
137
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:37,010
But I'm sure we'll find her,
and of course she's gonna remember me.
138
00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:39,170
And if she's married, she'll get a divorce...
139
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,580
so we can move to Connecticut and live together
in a little yellow house on Maple Street...
140
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,520
with our three children, Brett, Tyler and Lizzy.
141
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,590
How's that not gettin' your hopes up?
142
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:52,120
Lizzy has cerebral palsy, Earl.
143
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,820
- Well, I found her.
- Seriously?
144
00:07:56,930 --> 00:08:00,630
Yeah. Uh, it took a few phone calls...
145
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,200
but I got ahold of her a few hours ago.
146
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,200
I told her a guy named... Skipper...
147
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:09,640
was looking for her, and she got all excited.
148
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,040
She remembers me. Earl, she remembers me.
149
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:15,310
- I heard, Randy.
- Oh, yeah. She- She's on her way.
150
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,710
Said she could be up here around 4:00...
151
00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:24,050
and told me to tell you
to meet her on the bridge.
152
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,190
Oh, my God, Earl.
We're late. We're gonna miss her!
153
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,160
[Sighs]
154
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:35,730
Well, what's wrong with you?
155
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,240
I'm just worried it's gonna end badly.
156
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,360
What did she sound like?
157
00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:46,140
Oh, she sounded like a real ride on the "A" train.
158
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:49,510
Not that I could do anything about it now.
159
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:52,920
My penis lost all feeling in 1993.
160
00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:57,250
A couple of years ago, I lit a match to it.
161
00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:02,520
Nothin'.
Ah, people are living too long, I tell ya.
162
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,430
Too damn long.
163
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,500
[Exhales Deeply]
164
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,500
There she is.
165
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,730
Wait. How am I?
166
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,810
[Sniffs]
167
00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:18,100
- Not great.
- Boogers?
168
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:22,840
Three mediums... and a large.
169
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:25,440
Breath?
170
00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,450
[Exhales]
171
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:29,850
Fritos, and I'm gonna say...
172
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,920
olives.
173
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,490
[Sighs]
174
00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:36,650
Let's do this.
175
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,730
[Sighs]
176
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,300
Pinky?
177
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,710
- Randy?
- Joy?
178
00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,070
Oh, snap.
179
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,940
Oh, snap.
180
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,250
Oh, snap.
181
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,790
Oh, snap.
182
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,360
What the hell's goin' on?
183
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:15,830
- Joy?
- Are you guys playing some kind of joke on me?
184
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,100
- Where's Skipper?
- I'm Skipper.
185
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,230
- Shut up.
- I am. I'm Skipper.
186
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:23,310
Look. I still have that note you gave me.
187
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:28,180
I keep it in my wallet, in that plastic sleeve
where grown-ups keep their credit cards.
188
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,960
- How come you didn't show up that night?
- What are you talking about?
189
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:38,250
- You broke up with me.
- No, I didn't.
190
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,620
Of course you did. It was in your note to me.
191
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:43,250
- What note?
- The note your brother gave me.
192
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,760
The note he gave me.
193
00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:48,490
[Earl Narrating]
Though it didn't occur to me...
194
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,660
that Pinky would turn out
to beJoy in a wig...
195
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:53,360
this is what I meant
when I said it would end badly.
196
00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:56,170
You see, I hadn't been
completely honest with Randy.
197
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,240
Every day Randy spent with Pinky...
198
00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:01,870
was another day I was stuck doing chores
for Aunt Gail by myself.
199
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,850
#Cheat the odds that made you #
200
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:11,480
While Randy was having the time ofhis life,
I was wishing my life would end.
201
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:14,490
#Well, I feel like dirty laundry #
202
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,760
- # Sending sickness on down the line #
- [Groans]
203
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,230
I was both miserable andjealous.
204
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:26,640
While Randy was having fun, I was being forced
to look at my almost-naked Aunt Gail...
205
00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:30,540
in such detail that I could still close my eyes
and paint her today.
206
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,670
And by the time my little brother told me
he was gonna get to kiss a girl before I did...
207
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,680
I'd had enough.
208
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,680
I decided to get there early and end it.
209
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:41,690
- # Understand me ##
- "Dear Pinky...
210
00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:45,350
"I found someone else. If this upsets you...
211
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,930
"go cry into one of your boobs.
212
00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:51,050
I hate you. Skipper."
213
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,100
Sorry.
214
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,160
[Earl Narrating] That's when I decided
I might be able to kill two birds with one stone.
215
00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,570
I could have Randy back
and make sure I kissed a girl before he did.
216
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,400
- [Groans]
- Pedophile!
217
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,340
- Pedophile!
- [Groaning]
218
00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,710
[Whistle Blowing]
219
00:12:11,890 --> 00:12:14,910
How could you do that? She was my first love.
220
00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:16,850
Love? Please.
221
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,750
It was chilly on the lake,
and you blocked the wind.
222
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:24,190
- Randy-
- Don't. Don't.
223
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,320
It was 20 years ago. L-I was a kid.
224
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:30,890
I had to hold Aunt Gail's back fat all by myself.
225
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,700
- It was slippery. I needed you!
- [Engine Starts]
226
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,710
- Can I have a ride?
- Whatever.
227
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:46,220
So I've been dreaming about
kissing Randy all these years?
228
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,650
Now I'm questioning my taste in everything.
229
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,160
Like, is Darnell really hot?
230
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,520
Are Christians really the best?
231
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:56,990
Maybe I don't even like Sinbad.
232
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,400
Oh, God. I feel sick.
[Groans]
233
00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:13,610
- What are you doin'?
- I'm not sleeping next to you anymore.
234
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:17,670
And good luck cutting your own toenails
and clipping your own nose hairs from now on too.
235
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:21,280
[Laughs] I can't wait to have
a front row seat to that train wreck.
236
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:23,620
Come on, Randy. You're being crazy.
237
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,990
Oh, oh, oh. You think I'm crazy?
238
00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:28,030
[Laughs]
I'll show you crazy.
239
00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:31,460
Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy!
Brother. Remember, you're my brother.
240
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,590
Same mom.
I'm the only one who knows how to write a check.
241
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,140
I've read your list, Earl. Sometimes I take it...
242
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,830
in the bathroom when there are no comics,
and this isn't on it.
243
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:44,430
Now, why would you spend so much time trying to
teach me how to blow a stupid bubble...
244
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,210
when you could have been making up for this?
245
00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:49,010
Because I was too ashamed to put it on the list.
246
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,110
B-But look. It's on here now.
247
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,240
Number 277- broke up Randy and Pinky.
248
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:57,220
And I'm not gonna do another list item
until I make up for this.
249
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:00,790
Look.
250
00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:04,230
Let's figure this out. How can I make this right?
251
00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:06,700
I wanna make out with Pinky.
252
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,860
Randy, you can't really want to make out with Joy.
She's horrible to you.
253
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:15,500
You took away my opportunity to share a kiss
with the one girl that ever loved me.
254
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:19,010
Now, I know on the outsideJoy looks mean,
and on the inside she is mean...
255
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:21,270
but somewhere inside that is Pinky.
256
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,580
And I wanna touch that part
of her with my tongue.
257
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,910
Now, if you want to cross me off your list,
you need to make it happen.
258
00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:31,390
[Earl Narrating]
Getting Joy to make out with Randy...
259
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,720
was gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do.
260
00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:37,160
But out of respect, before I even asked her...
261
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,730
the first thing I had to do
was get permission from Darnell.
262
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:42,230
It's fine with me.
Skipper was part ofJoy's prenup.
263
00:14:48,710 --> 00:14:51,870
Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.
264
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:53,610
Yes!
265
00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:56,880
I will spend the rest of my life with you,
Darnell Turner.
266
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,510
Okay. Let's figure out our freebies.
Mine's my first love. Guy named Skipper.
267
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,880
- What's a freebie?
- We each get to pick one person...
268
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,080
we can still have sex with if we get the chance.
269
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:07,280
And anything goes. You don't even have to use
a condom if you don't want to.
270
00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:11,300
Oh, my God. We're getting married!
271
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:15,130
I still can't believe her freebie is Randy.
272
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,430
Makes me feel better about
picking Anna Nicole Smith.
273
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,060
Yeah, she got pretty fat, didn't she?
274
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,080
- She's dead.
- No.
275
00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,410
She's dead, man.
276
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,410
Come on. You're-You're kiddin'.
277
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,880
You're trying to get me back for me and Randy
messing with you about the Camdenite girl.
278
00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:35,320
I'm not kidding.
She's dead. Couple years now.
279
00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:37,220
Wow.
280
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,650
To Anna Nicole. One of the good ones.
281
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,060
Damn straight.
282
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,760
[Earl Narrating] With Darnell's permission,
I was clear to try and seal the deal.
283
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:54,310
You gotta be outta your mind.
284
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:57,100
Come on, Joy. It's just one kiss.
285
00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,180
What's the big deal? Darnell's cool with it.
286
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,680
No means no, Earl.
My body, my choice. Hear me roar. Kiss my grits.
287
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,650
[Tiffany Laughing]
288
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,650
[Dodge And Tiffany Laughing]
289
00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:15,120
Son of a bitch! More I tell that boy...
290
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:18,130
he can't hang out with Eugenia's daughter,
the more time he spends with her.
291
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,130
Of course he's not gonna listen to you.
292
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,130
No kid takes dating advice from their parents.
293
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,800
Fine. You break up my son
and that future streetwalker...
294
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,810
and I'll allow Randy to kiss me...
295
00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:32,740
with his slimy,
Cheeto-covered, cow-size tongue.
296
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,970
[Gags]
297
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,050
You sure you're gonna do this?
298
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:39,680
Yeah. I've had worse things in my mouth.
299
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,810
[Earl Narrating]
I normally don't do mean things to children...
300
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,690
but I was gonna have to
put Tiffany on my list to cross Randy off it.
301
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:51,360
"Dear Tiffany,
I never want to talk to you again.
302
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:54,830
"If you ask me about this note,
I will say I never wrote it...
303
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,370
"but I did, so don't even ask me.
304
00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,730
"I hate you. You smell like poo.
305
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,310
Dodge."
306
00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:05,040
I'm sorry. L- I'm just the messenger.
307
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,380
[Dog Barking In Distance]
308
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,350
Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
309
00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:15,390
And you shouldn't tell anyone about this.
Nobody needs to know.
310
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,890
- It can be our little secret.
- Pedophile!
311
00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:20,220
- No, no, no, no, no. W-We're just-
- Pedophile!
312
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,490
- We're just-
- [Shouts]
313
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,030
[Screams]
314
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:25,100
[Whistle Blows]
315
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,000
[Gasping]
316
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:30,260
I'm not a pedophile!
317
00:17:30,370 --> 00:17:32,270
[Earl Narrating]
With Dodge and Tiffany broken up...
318
00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:35,400
Joy agreed to keep good on her promise
to tongue down my brother.
319
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,480
[Ducks Quacking]
320
00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,550
[Chattering]
321
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,250
- Hello, Pinky.
- Hey, Randy.
322
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,180
Skipper.
323
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,820
So, I thought we'd start
with a little orange soda-
324
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,860
your favorite, if I remember correctly.
325
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,120
Then I thought we'd listen to a little Bobby Brown.
Also your favorite, if memory serves.
326
00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,130
And I thought we could play tic-tac-toe.
327
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:03,230
I believe our record stands
at Pinky, 87, Skipper, zero.
328
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:05,200
Randy, it's been 20 years.
329
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:08,270
I traded in orange soda
for strawberry wine when I was 13...
330
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:11,810
and I stopped listening to Bobby Brown once
he started picking doody out of Whitney Houston.
331
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:13,810
Let's just get this over with.
332
00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:16,750
Swish this around in your mouth
like you're washing your mouth with it.
333
00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:19,580
- It's called mouthwash.
- I know what mouthwash is.
334
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:22,420
We used to drink it
when Dad would lock up his whiskey.
335
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,590
[Groans]
That's not mouthwash.
336
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:31,090
Nope. It's rubbing alcohol,
bleach and green food coloring.
337
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,560
I didn't think Scope alone
would kill whatever lives inside...
338
00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,760
that disgusting petri dish you call a mouth.
339
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,130
All right. Let's do this.
340
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,210
[Clears Throat]
341
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,110
[Joy Groaning]
342
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,650
This is stupid.
343
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:58,350
No. Come on. Just get it over with.
Look. If you don't do it in the next 10 seconds...
344
00:18:58,460 --> 00:19:00,650
you're gonna have to take
another swig of green bleach.
345
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,290
It's not about the kiss.
I'm trying to feel something...
346
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,690
I felt when we were kids,
and it's not gonna happen.
347
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,030
It's never gonna happen again.
348
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,770
[Earl Narrating]
Ever sinceJoy found out Randy was Skipper...
349
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,280
she stopped remembering Skipper
and could only think of Randy.
350
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:24,480
But something about
seeing him skip those rocks made her go back.
351
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,080
Back to a simpler time where two kids...
352
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:30,660
full of innocence, spent their summer together.
353
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,330
Oh, snap.
354
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,870
[Splashes]
355
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:49,030
Oh, snap.
356
00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:51,670
She remembered how sweet Randy was.
357
00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:56,250
Oh, snap.
358
00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:58,580
And how much he loved her.
359
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:06,750
No matter how crazy it was toJoy now,
Randy was her first love.
360
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:11,630
And I didn'tjust rob Randy
of what he had that summer. I robbed her too.
361
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,330
#Do you still like me #
362
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,000
#Well, I hope you do #
363
00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:26,010
#'Cause if you still like me #
364
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:29,450
#Then I think I'm gonna have to
still like you #
365
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,740
[Quacking]
366
00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:34,080
#We'll share our things #
367
00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,280
#And have some fun #
368
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:40,290
#Then we'll say good-bye #
369
00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:43,830
#And go back home
when the day is done #
370
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:47,530
#If you tell me #
371
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:50,570
#I'll tell you too #
372
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:53,640
#And we'll say the things #
373
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:57,300
#And do the things that lovers do #
374
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:03,180
[Randy]
I forgot how nice that was.
375
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:06,280
Me too.
376
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:12,120
[Sighs] I think I should let Dodge
spend some time with Tiffany.
377
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:16,030
You should.
Everyone deserves to feel like that.
378
00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:18,100
Even if it's just once.
379
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,360
You have that with Crabman all the time, huh?
380
00:21:22,470 --> 00:21:25,030
Yep.
381
00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,040
You're lucky.
382
00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:29,470
I know.
383
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,640
I think I'm gonna have that
with someone one day too.
384
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,240
So do I, Randy. So do I.
385
00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,510
Oh, what the hell. You're my freebie.
386
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,900
#Let's say good-bye #
387
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,700
#And go back home
now the day is done ##