1 00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:04,520 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:09,000 [Earl Narrating] I got a chance to seeJoy and Darnell... 3 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,800 after they went into Witness Protection, but Randy hadn't... 4 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:13,810 and he was really missing his friend. 5 00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:15,810 Hey, Earl. 6 00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:18,570 Hey, Scarecrow Crabman. 7 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,580 [Earl Narrating] As the days went by... 8 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,650 I tried to keep a brave front up for Randy... 9 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:26,210 but when he wasn't around, I found myself missing everybody too. 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,290 [Knocking] 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,330 I'm looking for Darnell Turner. 12 00:00:32,430 --> 00:00:34,260 Sorry, but he's not- 13 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,230 I don't know anyone named Darnell Turner. 14 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,600 Isn't that Darnell Turner? 15 00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,670 Who, this? 16 00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:44,670 Uh, got me. 17 00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:46,670 Uh, this was here when we moved in. 18 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:49,940 The previous tenant probably left it behind. 19 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,040 - Isn't that you? - Wow. Yeah. 20 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:55,810 Yeah. He does kinda look like me. 21 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,910 - But if he calls that mess a mustache- - [Chuckles] 22 00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:01,010 - Still, crazy world. - [Glass Shatters] 23 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,060 My mistake. Thank you for your time. 24 00:01:06,490 --> 00:01:09,050 Look. This isn't the first time I've been cuffed to something... 25 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,220 so if you're trying to freak me out- 26 00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:14,200 There's a bomb in the briefcase attached to your wrist. 27 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:18,500 If you don't want your neighbors to pick up pieces of you out of their azaleas... 28 00:01:18,610 --> 00:01:20,770 you'll tell me where Darnell Turner is. 29 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:25,980 What are azaleas? 30 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,640 [Earl Narrating] While I was imagining myself as azalea fertilizer... 31 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:32,340 Darnell was coming home to a surprise ofhis own. 32 00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:35,480 [Gunshots] 33 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,330 [Gunshots Continue] 34 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,330 Oh, hey, baby. I didn't hear you come in. 35 00:01:46,430 --> 00:01:50,630 Boys, I know shootin' hookers is fun, but it's too loud. Headphones on. 36 00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:52,670 So, when did the boys get an Xbox? 37 00:01:52,770 --> 00:01:57,180 I'm sorry, Darnell, but I had to get it for 'em. 38 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,750 They're not making any friends based on their personalities. 39 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:03,340 I mean, you've seen that routine they got worked out where they pick each other's noses. 40 00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:06,280 It's our bad for laughing so hard the first time they did it. 41 00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:08,290 But you know we can't afford luxury items. 42 00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:10,650 We can't afford not to fit in. 43 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:15,020 Look. You just worry about selling more insurances and leave everything else to me. 44 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,790 I'll try, baby. What's for dinner? 45 00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,030 Oh, we already ate. 46 00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,030 I miss us eating dinner as a family. 47 00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,410 You think this is easy on me? I'm working my butt off. 48 00:02:32,510 --> 00:02:34,500 I had to come up with three different disguises... 49 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:37,210 to make people think we got a maid, a nanny and a gardener. 50 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,880 Now, if you'll excuse me, time for Carlos to mow the lawn. 51 00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:47,350 I'm telling you. I don't know who you're talkin' about. 52 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,390 Hey, Earl. Me and fake Darnell had a blast. 53 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,400 We played darts. I let him drive the El Camino. 54 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,400 He scratched the back fender. 55 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:59,230 - Tell me where Darnell is. - Look. 56 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:02,400 He-He doesn't know where Darnell is. I swear. Just leave my brother alone. 57 00:03:02,510 --> 00:03:04,910 It would kill me if anything happened to him. 58 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,540 That's good to know. 59 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,550 I know I always make you say you love me before we go to sleep... 60 00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:18,420 but if someone's threatening to torture or even kill the thing you love... 61 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,390 that's when you can keep it to yourself. 62 00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:23,760 All right, fellas. You got about five minutes before this bomb goes off. 63 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:28,030 Okay. You-You let my brother go, and I'll tell you what I know. 64 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:29,860 - Fair enough. - No! 65 00:03:29,970 --> 00:03:31,940 Think aboutJoy, Darnell and the kids. 66 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,200 You can blow us up. We're not afraid. 67 00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:37,400 [Whispers] Don't worry. I got a plan. 68 00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:40,210 Hey. Call me if you want to live. 69 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:42,210 I'm on speed dial two. 70 00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:48,220 [Dog Barking] 71 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,620 - Okay, Randy. What's your plan? - All we have to do... 72 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,660 is open up the bomb, say "I hope this works," close our eyes and cut the blue wire. 73 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,790 I've seen it a million times on TV. It's easy. 74 00:03:58,330 --> 00:04:00,530 [Beeping] 75 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,460 What do we do now, Randy? 76 00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:06,440 I think that we go to commercial. 77 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:08,910 - I'm calling Thomas. - I need a beer. 78 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,370 - Damn it, Randy. Now what do we do? - I don't know. 79 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,780 - I can't reach the phone! - We're ready to talk! 80 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,720 - Thomas, we're ready to talk! We're ready to talk, Thomas! - I can't reach the phone! 81 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:21,950 [Woman On Radio] #The girl from Ipanema goes walking # 82 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:25,680 - # And when she passes, each one she passes # - [Shouting Continues, Faint] 83 00:04:25,790 --> 00:04:28,280 #Goes ahhh ## 84 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,260 There are a few things I need to get off my chest before we die. 85 00:04:31,370 --> 00:04:35,060 First, your teeth are not whiter than mine. 86 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:37,070 [Bomb Beeping] 87 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:40,830 All right. That's it. Is there anything you need to say to me? 88 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:44,000 And if it's that your teeth are whiter than mine, we have a big problem. 89 00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:45,910 Randy, we're not gonna die. 90 00:04:46,010 --> 00:04:48,500 We just need to knock this pole down. 91 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,550 Come on. Push. [Grunting] 92 00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:56,450 We need something heavy, something with a lot of weight. How about, uh- 93 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,250 - Ow! Jerk! - Sorry. I'm just trying to- 94 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,660 Ow! Jackass! 95 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,990 Ow! 96 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,360 - Ow! - Ow! 97 00:05:07,470 --> 00:05:09,460 - Ow! - Ow! 98 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,370 - Ow! - Ow! 99 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:15,440 - Ow! - Ow! 100 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,810 Hold on. Wait. Wait. Wait. 101 00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:20,970 [Beeping Continues] 102 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,980 We're brothers. Let's not turn on each other in... 103 00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:27,710 what could be the last few moments of our lives. 104 00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:28,880 You're right. 105 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:32,490 - Ow! - That one was just to make us even. 106 00:05:32,590 --> 00:05:34,320 Fair enough. 107 00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:38,360 Well, I guess this is good-bye, Brother. 108 00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:40,870 I can't say good-bye. Hug me. 109 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:43,600 Maybe then, after the explosion, our bits will be mixed up... 110 00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,900 and God will have to take us to heaven together. 111 00:05:47,070 --> 00:05:48,970 [Both Screaming] 112 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,010 [Beeping] 113 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:02,690 - [Screaming Continues] - [Beeping Continues] 114 00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:08,530 - [Beeping Stops] - [Screaming] 115 00:06:08,630 --> 00:06:12,000 Randy! It didn't go off. We're alive. 116 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,830 Huh. One of the blue wires must have got loose. 117 00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,600 - Randy. - It's not broken. 118 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:21,300 It's not a real bomb. 119 00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:25,540 I thought by handcuffing you to fake explosives you'd give up Darnell's location. 120 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:29,210 Hmm. You didn't crack. 121 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,250 Yeah. You guys would make good soldiers. 122 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:35,010 That's what the guy in the Wal-Mart parking lot is always telling us. 123 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,850 Yeah. He says that because we- 124 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,860 Sneak attack! 125 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,360 - [Blow Lands] - [Earl] Ow! 126 00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:46,020 Gentlemen, let's just be done with the violence. 127 00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:50,700 - What do you say? - Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Sure. 128 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:55,260 Good. I'd hate to have to kill a couple of my son's friends. 129 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:59,140 Wait. You're-You're Darnell's dad? 130 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,480 Tell us some embarrassing stories about him. 131 00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:05,070 - Wait. How-How do we know you're not lying? - Ah. 132 00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:10,820 Can't you see the resemblance? 133 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:15,260 D-Darnell always told us his dad died in the American-Canadian War. 134 00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:21,430 No. And you guys ought to read more. 135 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:25,060 I'm not surprised Darnell didn't tell you about me. 136 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,400 I wasn't a great dad. 137 00:07:27,510 --> 00:07:29,500 [Earl Narrating] Darnell's dad wasn't much of a father... 138 00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:32,480 but he was one of the best covert government agents... 139 00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,280 which meant having drinks after work with the boys had a whole different meaning. 140 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:37,280 To Communism! 141 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,280 So he didn't have much time for day-to-day parenting. 142 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:48,490 [Whispers] It's your son. He fell down some stairs and broke his arm. 143 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,090 [Whispers] Tell him this telephone number is for emergencies only. 144 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,100 [Crowd Cheering] 145 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,100 [Crowd Screaming] 146 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,900 [Earl Narrating] In fact, sometimes he nearly forgot he had a family at all. 147 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,840 Wait a second. 148 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:06,380 - What day is it today? - Uh, I think it's the 14th. 149 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,110 Oh, crap! 150 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,480 Run out to Walgreens and get me a belated birthday card. 151 00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:12,520 We're in Angola. I don't know where Walgreens is. 152 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:15,650 - Hey. Where's Walgreens? - What is Walgreens? 153 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,950 - Tell me where Walgreens is! - [Sobbing] I don't know! 154 00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:23,900 So you were in the- the C.I.A. Or the F.B.I.? 155 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,970 Even more secretive than that. 156 00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,300 Don't tell me. I.R.S. 157 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,670 PBS? TCBY? 158 00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:32,700 - Actually, well, see- - B.Y.O.B. 159 00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,740 Son, you're gettin' on my last nerve. 160 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:40,040 So, b-because you're in some secret organization... 161 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:43,010 that's why Darnell has to be in the Witness Protection Program? 162 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,880 Uh, it's complicated, but basically, yes. 163 00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:50,860 See, I wanna trust you, but you did just handcuff us to a bomb. 164 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:55,550 A fake bomb. When you gonna let it go? 165 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,430 Just-Just take the picture to Darnell. He'll verify who I am. 166 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:02,430 Look. Now, I just wanna get right by my son. 167 00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:06,030 No matter how difficult our relationship has been in the past... 168 00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:10,700 every boy needs to know that his father loves him. 169 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,210 How do I know that's a real tear? 170 00:09:18,450 --> 00:09:20,420 Taste. 171 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,890 We're going. 172 00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,890 [Earl Narrating] So we left Thomas at the trailer... 173 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,590 and took the picture to find out if it really was Darnell's dad. 174 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:37,860 You told me your daddy died in a Ferris wheel accident. That's why you'll never ride 'em. 175 00:09:37,970 --> 00:09:40,770 I don't ride them because you refuse to obey the "No Rocking" sign. 176 00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:43,740 Plus, I didn't wanna talk about my dad. Two birds. 177 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,940 Darnell, I've missed you so much. You gotta come back to Camden. 178 00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:49,780 You'll never believe it. We've got a black president now. 179 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,110 Zip it, dummy. Darnell. 180 00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:54,120 The truth is, my father and I... 181 00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:56,650 have a long, complicated history that I didn't want to delve into. 182 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:01,390 [Earl Narrating] That's when Darnell told us the story about his entire life as Harry Monroe. 183 00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:04,990 From an early age, Thomas saw that his son was exceptional. 184 00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,100 So, like any good secret agent would... 185 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,400 he shipped his son off for spy training. 186 00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:13,770 [Shouts] 187 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,340 Shaken. Stirred. 188 00:10:21,210 --> 00:10:24,980 And eventually, Darnell went from special training to special ops. 189 00:10:33,890 --> 00:10:37,290 Dad. What a surprise. It's been so long. How's everything at home? 190 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,200 All your grandparents are dead, and we painted the kitchen. 191 00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:43,700 Here are your orders. Your flight leaves in 45 minutes. 192 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,470 ## [Drum Beating] 193 00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:54,610 Hey. There's about to be a Donkey Kong kill screen... 194 00:10:54,710 --> 00:10:56,610 in the game tent, if you're interested. 195 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:07,860 [Earl Narrating] Darnell was the agency's best... 196 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,190 until one day the agency asked him to go too far. 197 00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:19,240 I wondered how long it would take the Americans to send someone to kill me. 198 00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,810 Why is it you are so threatened by a pediocracy? 199 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:24,740 You're Wong Wa, king of the Opti nation? 200 00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:30,340 Oh, well. At least I lived longer than my father. 201 00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:32,510 Fire when ready. 202 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,090 - You were successful? - No. 203 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:43,320 There must be some kind of mistake. He's a nine-year-old kid. 204 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:47,490 No. He's a nine-year-old socialist who wants to nationalize the diamond mines. 205 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:52,160 He saw a Veggie Tales about sharing, and it's turned his head all around. 206 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,760 [Earl Narrating] Thinking about the little boy made Darnell start to question... 207 00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:56,870 all he had given up for the agency... 208 00:11:56,980 --> 00:12:01,570 which made him question why the agency was asking him to do all this to begin with. 209 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,580 And even though he wasn't in the navy... 210 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,680 Darnell testified before something called a "sub committee"... 211 00:12:06,790 --> 00:12:10,090 and nearly brought down his father's entire agency. 212 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:13,720 My father never forgave me for testifying. The whole agency wanted me dead. 213 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:15,920 That's why I had to go into Witness Protection. 214 00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:19,190 So your dad turned you into a trained assassin. 215 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,230 My dad would make me hold the flashlight when he'd work under the sink. 216 00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:26,200 Sometimes dads suck, but you gotta get past it. 217 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:29,540 Look. He even gave me a belated birthday card for you. 218 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,240 Oh, no. 219 00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:34,280 - [Beeping] - Oh, no. 220 00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:37,110 - Wh-What's the big deal? - Wake up. He didn't like the card. 221 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:46,280 Hello, Dad. 222 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:47,590 Hello, Son. 223 00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:49,790 Let's do this. 224 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,090 [Shouts] 225 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,800 [Earl Narrating] Darnell hadn't seen his father in years, and... 226 00:12:59,910 --> 00:13:02,310 it wasn't the happiest of reunions. 227 00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:04,600 Stop blocking. I'm your father. 228 00:13:04,710 --> 00:13:07,680 You weren't a father. If you were a father, you would've coached my archery team... 229 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:11,480 or taught me falconry or at least given me a hug once in a while. 230 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,750 I knew what kind of life lay ahead of you... 231 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:20,020 and I didn't want you to be soft like your brother. 232 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,850 - What brother? - That's not important. 233 00:13:29,770 --> 00:13:32,860 You robbed me of a childhood and apparently of a brother. 234 00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:42,740 Oh. Hey. This is a waste of time. 235 00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:46,290 I trained you too well. Neither one of us is gonna land a punch. 236 00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:48,820 You're right. 237 00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:50,550 [Groans] 238 00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:52,990 I learned some things in the streets. 239 00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:55,990 I'm getting too old for this crap. 240 00:13:56,100 --> 00:14:00,560 Look. If I can find you, so can anyone at the agency. 241 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:04,540 Your two friends- they're brave, but they're idiots. 242 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,660 The tall one can't even tell the difference between a tear and saline solution. 243 00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,440 - What do you want? - I want to give you a chance... 244 00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:13,570 to make up for what you did to the agency. 245 00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,980 So you can stop running. You can go back to living your life again. 246 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,480 - What would I have to do? - One last mission. 247 00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:23,720 - And then I'm out? No strings attached? - Yes. 248 00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:27,990 - Uncle Sam has agreed to wipe the slate clean. - Uncle Sam the government... 249 00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:31,000 or your freaky brother who used to pay me a hundred dollars to rub his feet? 250 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,560 The government. 251 00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:36,070 [Sighs] 252 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:40,200 [Earl Narrating] Darnell knew working for the agency again could get him killed. 253 00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:46,270 But to Darnell, eating TVdinners alone was no life at all. 254 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:49,840 So he'd do anything so they could be the family they used to be. 255 00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:56,050 - I'll do it. - [Sighs] 256 00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,860 Hey, Crabman! 257 00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:09,370 [Together] Hey, Earl. 258 00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:13,730 Where am I? What's going on? 259 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,870 Helicopter. Secret mission. 260 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:18,880 My father brought you along to make sure I cooperate. 261 00:15:18,980 --> 00:15:22,040 He has trust issues. I promise, no long-term harm will come to you... 262 00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:24,950 unless, of course, harm comes to me, in which case, I doubt you'll survive. 263 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,540 But I prefer to focus on the positive. 264 00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:29,550 Okay. 265 00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:32,990 I'm gonna give you a shot to knock you out, so you don't see anything you're not supposed to. 266 00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,060 But if you need to cry, now would be a good time. 267 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,130 Thank you. 268 00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:43,900 Hello? 269 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:52,000 Oh. Hey, Pat. 270 00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:56,780 Thank you for taking the boys. 271 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,790 I'll be happy to take yours next week, if you want. 272 00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:06,790 [Door Opens, Closes] 273 00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:11,350 "Dear baby, sorry about laying all this on you in written form." 274 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,770 Randy, they're gone. 275 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,880 Earl, don't move. 276 00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,950 Do not move. 277 00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:31,850 #There's a man who leads a life of danger# 278 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:36,280 - # To everyone he meets # - Thank you for this artifact. 279 00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:39,450 P. Diddy will pay a pretty penny, once I hammer it into the hood of a Bentley. 280 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,190 Here you will find the man you seek. 281 00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:45,320 - # Another chance he takes # - He's awake. 282 00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:50,330 #Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow # 283 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,410 #Secret agent man # 284 00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:56,960 #Secret agent man # 285 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,870 - # They've given you a number# - Don't worry. We'll get out of this. 286 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,000 - # And taken away your name # - Uh, it's cool. 287 00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:10,390 - # Beware of pretty faces # - My contact lens popped out. 288 00:17:10,490 --> 00:17:12,460 #That you find # 289 00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:17,920 #Apretty face can hide an evil mind # 290 00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:21,360 You don't tell me what I want, I'll kill your wives one by one. 291 00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:23,370 - [All Whimpering] - Starting with the hot one. 292 00:17:23,470 --> 00:17:25,840 Fakira! Okay, okay. I will tell you. 293 00:17:25,940 --> 00:17:28,500 The anthrax will be released from the, uh, A.C. Duct... 294 00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:31,040 in the northwest corner of the building. 295 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,940 #Secret agent man # 296 00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:37,540 #Secret agent man # 297 00:17:37,650 --> 00:17:39,620 - # They've given you a number## - [Beeping] 298 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,620 [Earl] This might be a bad time, but I need to use the bathroom. 299 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,690 You're wearing a diaper. 300 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,760 [Helicopter Blades Whirring] 301 00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,640 Crabman? 302 00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:58,430 [Together] Hey, Earl. 303 00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:02,800 - Is it over? - I'm sure you have a lot of questions. 304 00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:07,010 - Nope. Just the one. Is it over? - Yeah. It's over. 305 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:10,170 And we're sorry we had to knock you out so many times. 306 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,950 Forty-five, to be exact. You're gonna want to drink a lot of water today. 307 00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:16,420 W-W-Will there be any side effects? 308 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,620 Ge- Ge- Ge- 309 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,990 Just that. 310 00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:21,820 - [Thumping] - [Whining] 311 00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,450 - Engine's failing! - [Alarm Beeping] 312 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,560 [Coughing] 313 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:28,400 We're goin' down! 314 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:37,430 Not enough parachutes! Earl, you get the first parachute... 315 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,740 because you're a civilian- 316 00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:42,750 and more importantly, because you're a friend! 317 00:18:42,850 --> 00:18:44,340 Thanks, Crabman. 318 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:47,850 Just in case I never see you again, I just wanna say- 319 00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,950 Ge- Ge-Ge-Ge- 320 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,960 I feel the same way! 321 00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:55,120 [Screaming] 322 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,660 [Screaming] 323 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:04,000 Ah! [Laughing] Whoo! 324 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:06,370 - Here. Take it. - No! 325 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,440 This is an order, Agent Monroe! 326 00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:10,440 You're no longer my commanding officer! 327 00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,770 - [Alarm Beeping] - But I'm still your father, and I love you. 328 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,840 I've waited so long for you to say that. I'm not leaving without a hug first! 329 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:21,820 - There's no time! - I'm not accepting that excuse anymore, Dad! 330 00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,530 Darnell speaks seven languages... 331 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,900 and has a black belt in three styles of fighting that end in "do." 332 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,940 He's gonna be fine. 333 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,340 And Earl has a real nice smile and can play "Wipe Out" on his stomach. 334 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,410 He's gonna be fine too. 335 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,670 We just gotta be strong. 336 00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:49,840 [Horn Honks] 337 00:19:56,590 --> 00:19:59,150 [Randy] That's Earl! 338 00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:05,200 [Earl Narrating] Everyone was safe. 339 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:09,700 And Crabman would never again have to pretend to be anyone other than who he was- 340 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,070 a loving husband, a great father... 341 00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,870 and one of the best friends I ever had. 342 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:17,570 [Man On TV] Coming up, it was a busy day in world news. 343 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,610 A theft in Cairo's Royal Egyptian Museum... 344 00:20:20,710 --> 00:20:23,380 the crash of a military helicopter in the Bay of Bengal... 345 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,180 and a bomb containing enough anthrax to kill everyone in Western France... 346 00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:29,410 mysteriously failed to detonate. 347 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,120 Now it's time to take a look at last week's Camden school bus report. 348 00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,890 Shh. 349 00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:35,890 Don't worry, I'll never say a- 350 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,120 [Grunting] 351 00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:41,100 [Clicking, Grunting] 352 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,860 [Gurgling] 353 00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:49,470 Let's eat.