1 00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:04,502 [Earl Narrating] Tradition at the Crab Shack was... 2 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:08,301 if you passed out the week before Christmas, you got decorated. 3 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:12,777 I wanted tojoin in, but there were certain times when I needed to be lookin'after Randy- 4 00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:14,972 - like when he was readin'the comics. - [Laughing] 5 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,345 Oh, God. That's terrible. 6 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,850 - [Laughing] - ## [Jukebox: Country Christmas] 7 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,853 That's not funny at all. 8 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,014 Randy, remember, comics are only on the left. 9 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:27,184 If you keep readin', you'll run onto the side with the obituaries. 10 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:29,784 - So what do we do? - Fold the paper. 11 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,796 Thanks, Earl. 12 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,798 [Crowd] Three, two, one! 13 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:37,199 - [Electricity Crackles] - [Cheering, Laughing] 14 00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:40,431 People, what have I told you? If you're going to decorate the drunks... 15 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,634 please have a fire extinguisher standing by. 16 00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:47,638 My name is Earl. 17 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,452 Uh, excuse me. My wife and I were just driving home... 18 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,992 from building Nerf playgrounds for autistic children, and, uh, we ran out of gas. 19 00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,084 She would've come with me, but she's shy... 20 00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,254 because we had to sell her hair for baby formula. 21 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,094 If you'd loan me a 20, I'll, uh, mail it back to you. 22 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,169 Goodness me. That is such a sad story. 23 00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,465 And there were so many details, it has to be true. 24 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,972 Would you mind sharing it with my friends inside? 25 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,805 I'm sure they'd love to help. 26 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,379 [All Laughing] 27 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,146 And then he said he had a bald wife who sold her hair for- 28 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,219 What was it she sold it for? 29 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,311 Baby formula. 30 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,858 [Laughing] 31 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,587 [Laughing] What an idiot. 32 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:38,163 The baby formula is "man plus woman." 33 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,960 Everybody knows that. 34 00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:44,525 [Earl Narrating] That hustler comin'in here reminded me of number 201 on my list- 35 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:47,037 conned an old man out of a hundred bucks. 36 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:51,338 A couple weeks before I discovered karma, me and Joy were watching TV. 37 00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,435 [Male Announcer] There are one million orphans in Africa. 38 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,947 These children do not ask, "What shall I eat for dinner?" 39 00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,541 They ask, "Will I ever eat again?" 40 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,712 Change the channel. I can't eat while I'm lookin' at that kid. 41 00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:04,790 I'll try, but my hands are saucy. 42 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:08,952 For pennies a day, you can make sure little Kwame has rice and broth to eat... 43 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,122 instead of bowl after bowl of mud. 44 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:16,100 Those kids really pull at your heartstrings. 45 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,296 - Makes you think, doesn't it? - [Sucks Teeth] Yep. 46 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,670 We can make a fortune off those scrawny little tearjerkers. 47 00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,869 - [Laughing] - You got rib meat in your teeth. 48 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,504 Well, get it. 49 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,140 Man, that's really in there. 50 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:42,857 Is this true? Nine out of 10 African children die every minute? 51 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,987 Africa's hard on kids... 52 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,965 what with the hot sun and giant leeches... 53 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:51,002 and no... speed limits. 54 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,902 - Suppose you want some cash. - Oh, no, no, no. 55 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,907 [Earl Narrating] The first rule of scammin'money out of people... 56 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,909 is to look like you aren't lookin'for money. 57 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,911 We're not askin' for money. 58 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,277 But if you have trouble sleepin' tonight... 59 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,782 you can just send a check to the address on the back. 60 00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:08,513 The second rule of scammin' was not to tell Randy it was a scam. 61 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:11,715 'Cause there's no better salesman than someone who believes he's tellin'the truth. 62 00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:13,724 All they're eatin' is air. 63 00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,794 And the orphans' bellies are really big... 64 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,795 but it turns out they're totally empty. 65 00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,923 And all they're askin' for is a cup of coffee a day. 66 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,025 Oh, my God! Nine more just died. 67 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,661 Open your eyes, people. Take a pamphlet. 68 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,865 [Earl Narrating] We handed out a hundred pamphlets... 69 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,874 and even went down and got a "po"box... 70 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,967 so the address would look more official. 71 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:35,514 Most people saw through our scam, but we did get one bite. 72 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,981 Ka-ching! It worked! 73 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,451 Some guy in Nathanville sent us a hundred-dollar check for the orphans. 74 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:46,082 - Sweet. - Why are you gettin' the money for the African orphans? 75 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:51,563 Randy, maybe it's time to tell you. 76 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:54,189 This was a scam. 77 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,291 It was? 78 00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,302 You always get me. 79 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,134 [Laughing] Oh, man. I cried so much. 80 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,971 I didn't even tell you about the nightmares I've been havin'. 81 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,637 Whew. Wow. What a relief. 82 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,078 So there's no starvin' children in Africa then? 83 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,016 No. 84 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,553 [Earl Narrating] And so me and Randy went to find the guy... 85 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:18,021 who'd sent us that check all those years ago. 86 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:24,887 Did you know Aunt Ramona wrote a book about barbecue sauces? 87 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,898 Mom says it bought her a condo. 88 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,198 I think I'm gonna write a book about barbecue sauces. Maybe other sauces too. 89 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:33,329 Randy, you don't know anything about sauce. 90 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,464 People write books about things they know. 91 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,873 Think about how much meat Aunt Ramona eats. 92 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:41,071 Maybe I could write a book about how things taste- 93 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,205 - you know, nonfood things. - [Doorbell Rings] 94 00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,284 I have a curious tongue. 95 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,616 - That could be the name of the book. - [Door Opens] 96 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:51,053 - Mr. Hill? - Yes? 97 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:53,682 I don't know if you remember, but three years ago... 98 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,853 you sent me a hundred dollars to help save an orphan kid in Africa. 99 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,796 Of course. Mbungo. 100 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:03,630 [Chuckling] That little fella. Why, he's changed my life. 101 00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,328 'Scuse me? 102 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:08,566 - ## ["Here Comes Santa Claus"] - Here are some drawings Mbungo made me. 103 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,575 All his letters... 104 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:13,612 and his report cards from the village school. 105 00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,613 Teacher comments: 106 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:18,878 "Plays well with zebras. Expert stick-thrower." 107 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,545 You can tell he's special. 108 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:25,988 - So you been sendin' checks this whole time? - A hundred dollars a month. 109 00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:30,392 But it's worth it. Take a look at this kid. 110 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,364 Knowin'that I make a difference in Mbungo's life... 111 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,435 it makes me feel- 112 00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:41,232 - Joy. - Exactly. 113 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,434 - Joy. - [Randy] Ow! 114 00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,875 Oh! 115 00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:51,841 Cactus: Painful, but worth it. 116 00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:58,981 Come on, Darnell. Let me lick your head. 117 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:03,188 It'll be in my new book- right after "all ofJoy and Darnell's spoons." 118 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,594 I guess, if it's for research purposes. 119 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,098 You been scammin' that poor man for three years? 120 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,101 I can't believe you're not ashamed of yourself. 121 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,036 If I had only fooled him once, it'd be shame on me. 122 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,131 But I have fooled him a bunch of times, so, duh, it's shame on him. 123 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,142 It's cruel, Joy. 124 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,270 You didn't just con him out of thousands of dollars. He loves that kid. 125 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,282 How's he gonna feel if he finds out Mbungo doesn't even exist? 126 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,284 Well, you better not tell him the truth... 127 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,048 'cause you'll ruin Christmas for a lot of people in this trailer park. 128 00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,055 What? 129 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,422 [Earl Narrating] Turns outJoy was so proud ofkeeping the African orphan scheme going... 130 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,087 she couldn't resist bragging to her friends in the trailer park. 131 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:42,065 Her friend Sylvia used some barbecue ashes to fake a disaster photo. 132 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,898 [Sobbing] 133 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,667 Then she sent Mr. Hill a letter asking for donations... 134 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,300 for families who lost their homes in wildfires. 135 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,580 Tammy went the other way. 136 00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,420 She sent Mr. Hill a letter asking for donations... 137 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:04,149 for families displaced by floods. 138 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,249 And pretty soon, he was sending monthly checks to everybody. 139 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,158 - This is wrong, Joy, and you know it. - Says you. 140 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,232 Sure I took from one person, but I gave the idea to two other people... 141 00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,800 which means I have given twice as much as I have taken. 142 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:18,097 So suck on that. 143 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:25,642 Hair: Tastes like marijuana. 144 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:32,416 Joy's not gonna budge on this, Randy. 145 00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,316 I don't want to, but maybe I should just write Mr. Hill a check... 146 00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,821 for all the moneyJoy and her friends conned him out of. 147 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,222 [Groans] Snoopy tastes horrible. 148 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:44,160 I think writing a check is the only way I can cross Mr. Hill off my list. 149 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,823 Oh, God. That's terrible. 150 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,299 Randy, just fold the paper over, okay? 151 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,341 Well, I hope you're happy. 152 00:07:56,442 --> 00:08:00,902 Oh, my God! Mr. Hill had a stroke and died? This is horrible. 153 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:04,176 I just took a close-up picture of EarlJunior with flies in the corner of his eyes. 154 00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,810 Do you know how hard it is to get a kid and a fly to hold still for a picture? 155 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,751 Read the rest of the obituary. 156 00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:14,054 "Mr. Hill is leaving everything to his three favorite charities: 157 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,028 "Pimmit Hills African Relief, Pimmit Hills Wildfire Victims... 158 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:21,099 and Pimmit Hills Flood Helpers Give Us Money Fund." 159 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,727 Darnell! Mbungo's sugar daddy just took a dirt nap, and we're rich! 160 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,771 Not if I have anything to say about it. 161 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,239 I'm gonna cross Mr. Hill off my list... 162 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,277 by making sure you and your friends never get that money. 163 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,677 That's my money, Earl Hickey. Don't you mess with me. You know what I'm capable of. 164 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,908 You know why you only got nine toes. 165 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,418 [Earl Narrating] So me and Randy headed over to Mr. Hill's house. 166 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,753 This'll be just like old times- breaking into a house. 167 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,292 You think we can steal a few things too? 168 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:50,988 I brought a grocery list of stuff we're out of. 169 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,224 Deodorant, Fig Newtons, underwear. 170 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,232 Randy, we're not taking anything. 171 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,928 We just have to find something with Mr. Hill's lawyer's name on it... 172 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,631 so we can tell the lawyer those charities are fake. 173 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,742 I knew it. That bastard's trying to screw up our inheritance. 174 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,752 Oh, my God. This is it. 175 00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,913 It's his will. 176 00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:21,016 "Charities shall receive monies in the amount of $280,000." 177 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,152 [Gasps] 178 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,995 The lawyer's name and address are right here. 179 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:35,270 They found the will. That old coot was holding on to $280,000. 180 00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,207 Bling! I'm gonna buy a fur coat with the little head still on it... 181 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,906 so people will stare and I'll be all, "Yeah, this bitch is real." 182 00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:44,915 Yeah! Get down. They're comin' out. 183 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:54,355 We gotta get that will away from 'em. We'll just keep following 'em real quiet. 184 00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,526 - [Engine Starts] - ## [Stereo: Loud Rock] 185 00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:04,535 It's Joy. She must've figured out we have the will. We gotta split up. 186 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,197 You take the will and start walking to the lawyer's office. 187 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,366 Joy will be sure I kept it, and she'll follow me. 188 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,536 - [Mouthing Words] - What are you doin'? 189 00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:17,309 I'm pretendin' I'm mad at you, and that's why I'm gettin' out of the car. 190 00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:24,421 What do you mean you hate our troops? 191 00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,423 They're protecting our freedom! 192 00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,892 - I'm gettin' outta your car! - [Door Slams] 193 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,136 - [Gasps] - Hand me the will, dummy. 194 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,303 Uh, maybe you should give me the will. 195 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:51,042 - I don't have the will. - Well, I do. 196 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,551 Not. Not. Not. Not. Not. 197 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,384 Not. Not. Not. Not. 198 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,462 Hello. We're here to pick up our checks from the dead guy. 199 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,825 You are Mr. Fischer, the lawyer, aren't you? 200 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:10,993 Yes, I'm Mr. Fischer, and I believe you know Mr. Hickey. 201 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:16,839 - Son of a bitch. - Hello, Joy. 202 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,842 I knew you'd follow Randy. 203 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:23,108 That gave mejust enough time to get here and tell Mr. Fischer everything. 204 00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,115 Thank you, Mr. Hickey. 205 00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,913 You can cross Mr. Hill off your list. 206 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,749 See ya around, Joy. 207 00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,285 You had to stop for tacos. 208 00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,294 Uh, counteroffer? 209 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,265 'Scuse me? 210 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:46,134 I could... do a little paperwork magic and make your charities legal. 211 00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:48,138 Then you could collect the cash. 212 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,809 And what's your kickback? 213 00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,811 Oh, I don't need any money. 214 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,974 It's just that... I'm a very lonely man. 215 00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,814 My wife's dead- to me. 216 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,820 She lives in Oregon now with the kids. 217 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,356 I'm not supposed to know that, but the cops have slipped up. 218 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,449 I see where you're goin'with this. 219 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:11,121 You'll help us out with the documents as long as you get to have sex with Sylvia here. 220 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:14,563 Shut up, Sylvia. That's a lot of money, and you are not married. 221 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,660 Well, actually, what I had in mind was something in a blonde. 222 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,535 - Oh, I don't have- - Come on, Joy. That's a lot of money. 223 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,335 Zip it! 224 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,571 Blonde's not on the menu. 225 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,807 How about we give you Sylvia and $6,000? 226 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,282 - Or Tammy and 3,500. - Can you go to five on Tammy? 227 00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:35,319 - I don't know if I'm down with sleepin' with- - Deal. 228 00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:41,091 [Scoffs] For cryin'out loud. 229 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,319 [Table Shaking] 230 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,662 [Earl Narrating] While Tammy and Mr. Fischer were getting busy under his desk... 231 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,704 Joy and Sylvia were busy getting the $5,000 in bribe money... 232 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,705 from a local loan shark. 233 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:58,140 - Five grand. - Thank you very much. 234 00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,939 Here's a check for you. 235 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:03,503 And one for you. And one for you. 236 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,379 Pleasure doin' business with you. 237 00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:09,420 [Chortling] Ah! Yeah! 238 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,513 [Phone Beeping] 239 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,649 - [Line Clicks] - It worked. 240 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,523 - You got all the money? - Every penny. 241 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,598 - What are you gonna do now? - I'm gonna take it back where it belongs. 242 00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,633 [Earl Narrating] Which was to Mr. Hill, who wasn't really dead. 243 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,862 You see, I'djust pulled a huge scam. 244 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,633 First, I got Mr. Hill out of town for a few days... 245 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:32,802 by arranging for him to win a vacation to the national rodeo championships. 246 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,312 Yahoo! 247 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,848 And the old scam rules still applied. 248 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,886 I knew the best way to convinceJoy it was real was to make Randy think it was real. 249 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,353 Oh, God. That's terrible. 250 00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:49,653 I also knew hearin'about all that money would makeJoy greedy. 251 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,925 Darnell! Mbungo's sugar daddy just took a dirt nap, and we're rich! 252 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,023 I knewJoy wouldn't let me out ofher sight... 253 00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:58,262 but before we broke into the house, I had to make sure she'd follow me there. 254 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:04,006 Then I just had to pretend to find the will I'd planted in Mr. Hill's house. 255 00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,441 Oh, my God. This is it. It's his will. 256 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,974 I needed to makeJoy think she was a step ahead of me... 257 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,074 so I gave the fake will to Randy... 258 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,244 knowing she'd get it away from him. 259 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,221 But to actually get these marks to hand over the money... 260 00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,952 I needed someone to gain their confidence- 261 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,960 somebody willing to scam people... 262 00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,223 who also had a grudge againstJoy. 263 00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:29,427 And of course, my first rule of getting money out of people still applied- 264 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,696 look like you're not lookin'for money. 265 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:36,434 Well, actually, what I had in mind was something in a blonde. 266 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,442 And after I knew we had the money... 267 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,274 there was only one thing left to take care of. 268 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,280 I'm gonna take it back where it belongs. 269 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,749 Mr. Hill gets back from the rodeo championships next week. 270 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,820 I think he's gonna be very happy. 271 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:54,583 I'm sorry, Earl, but I letJoy get the will. 272 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:58,754 That was my plan, Randy. This whole thing was a scam. 273 00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,423 [Laughing] Oh, man, Earl! 274 00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:04,764 You got me again. 275 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,861 Wow. This was a long one though. 276 00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,133 All that runnin' around, karma. 277 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:12,642 I believed in that crazy list for three years. 278 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,509 [Laughing] Bravo, Earl. Bravo. 279 00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:20,182 [Earl Narrating] And when Mr. Hill got back from his vacation... 280 00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,016 I was there waitin' to tell him the whole story- 281 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:27,081 from my original scam all the way up to gettin'his money back from Joy. 282 00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:32,092 This money covers every nickel Joy and her friends conned you out of... 283 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:35,655 plus another hundred for breaking your front door lock. 284 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,032 And I think Randy took some of your underwear. 285 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,264 I can't believe it. 286 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,603 There were no hurricanes, no fires? 287 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,802 No Mbungos? 288 00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,715 I'm such an idiot. 289 00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:52,716 But-Wait. 290 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,218 The important thing is you got your money back now. 291 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,222 Well, how's that supposed to make me feel better? 292 00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:02,385 I'm still the moron who thought he bought an entire African village... 293 00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,394 athlete's foot vaccinations. 294 00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,564 You know what you need? 295 00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,032 Let's go laugh in their faces. It'll feel great. 296 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,304 I took Mr. Hill to the trailer park... 297 00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:17,000 so we could laugh at the people we'd gotten revenge on. 298 00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:19,509 I had hoped that the opportunity to do a victory dance... 299 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:23,479 in front of the lowlives who had been rippin'him off would cheer him right up. 300 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:27,211 [Water Running] 301 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,311 But when we got there, things had changed. 302 00:16:30,422 --> 00:16:33,118 What was once a middle-to-low-end trailer park... 303 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,058 now looked like a third world country. 304 00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:39,890 [Flies Buzzing] 305 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,033 Joy, what happened to all of you? 306 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,070 You happened, you jackass. 307 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,605 Turns out that raisin'the money to pay back the loan shark... 308 00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:51,574 had hitJoy and her friends harder than I expected. 309 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,577 Since the lawyer's checks bounced... 310 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,840 Tammy had no way to pay the loan shark. 311 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,473 I'm sorry he took your plumbing truck, baby. 312 00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,075 We'll be okay. What's the worst that could happen? 313 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,451 - [Explosion] - Answer? A busted water heater. 314 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,350 We probably should've kept a couple of wrenches. 315 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:12,930 Sylvia gave the loan shark her furnace... 316 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,932 and had to find other ways to keep warm. 317 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:19,198 Hey, that's better. Move over. 318 00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:28,446 And Joy had to hand over all her appliances. 319 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,846 What do you want me to say, Darnell? It looked like a sound investment. 320 00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:36,717 Besides, joke's gonna be on him when he finds out that crisper don't work for squat. 321 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:39,791 OnceJoy and Darnell lost their refrigerator... 322 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:44,090 Christmas came early for all the neighborhood flies-all 10,000 of'em. 323 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,600 Without money for an exterminator... 324 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:51,328 the Turners had no choice but to move outside. 325 00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:58,174 So, did you come here to gloat? Or is it just natural that, after flies, maggots show up? 326 00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:01,735 Excuse me. How much would it cost... 327 00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:05,510 to hire an exterminator to- to get rid of all these flies? 328 00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,415 - I don't know. Couple hundred bucks? - [Check Tears] 329 00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:13,423 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doin'? 330 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,322 Excuse me, miss. 331 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:18,021 Could you use a donation to help with your flood damage? 332 00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,462 Is this some kinda scam? 'Cause if it is... 333 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,558 it's someone else's turn to have sex with the gross guy. 334 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:27,002 Don't give me that look, Don. We already talked about this. 335 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,801 Okay, stop. 336 00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:31,637 I put a lot of effort into gettin' this money out of these people. 337 00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,768 How can you just give it back? 338 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:36,507 Come on. Laugh at 'em. They're fools. 339 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:40,346 Earl, I don't have that much goin' on in my life. 340 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,352 I mean, I'm a rodeo fan... 341 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:46,447 and I do like to whittle, but not that much. 342 00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:48,526 But when I gave to those charities- 343 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,891 even though they weren't real- 344 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:52,896 I thought I was helpin' people. 345 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:55,990 And that made me feel good. 346 00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:58,865 Looks to me like these people really have been through... 347 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,235 some floods and fires and such. 348 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,468 This is a chance for me to help people for real. 349 00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,976 I really think you're missin' the point. 350 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,343 These are the exact people who've been rippin' you off. 351 00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:11,916 I know. 352 00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:24,519 [Gasps, Crying] 353 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:30,796 - [Bell Ringing] - [Earl Narrating] I was amazed by Mr. Hill's generosity. 354 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,770 And it definitely had an effect on the people he helped. 355 00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:37,364 When you've been a jerk and someone's still nice to you, it's a powerful thing. 356 00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:40,172 #Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer# 357 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,179 - # Pullin'on the reins # - Ho, ho, ho. 358 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,306 #Bells are ringin; children singin'# 359 00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,543 #All is merry and bright # 360 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:50,418 Seein'what Mr. Hill had done really put me in the Christmas spirit. 361 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,514 Wakey, wakey, Christmas snowflakies. 362 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:56,685 #Here comes Santa Claus right down Santa Claus Lane # 363 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,922 #He's got a bag that's filled with toys # 364 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,296 - # For boys and girls again # - Thanks, Earl. 365 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,301 #Hear those sleigh bells jinglejangle # 366 00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:06,462 #Oh, what a beautiful sight # 367 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,767 #Sojump in bed and cover your head # 368 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,434 #'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight # 369 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,414 [Knocking] 370 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:20,974 And to my surprise, he ended up teaching me something pretty important too. 371 00:20:21,086 --> 00:20:24,613 Merry Christmas, Joy. 372 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,250 Oh, my God. You got our old refrigerator back. 373 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,852 We don't have to keep the kids' antibiotics up against the air conditioner anymore. 374 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:34,728 He taught me that being generous to someone who's done you wrong... 375 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,733 can be the best kind of charity there is. 376 00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:41,900 Oh. It's empty. 377 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,543 That's okay. It's still nice. Come on in. 378 00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,306 #Hear those sleigh bells jinglejangle # 379 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,007 #Oh, what a beautiful sight # 380 00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,380 #Sojump in bed and cover your head # 381 00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:58,047 #'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ##