1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,696 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:08,262 [Earl Narrating] It used to be the best part about finishing a meal at the Crab Shack... 3 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,775 was that you were finished with a meal at the Crab Shack. 4 00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,209 But Darnell was makin' a few changes. 5 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,043 Can I tempt you fellas with some desserts? 6 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,049 Wow, strawberry shortcake. Fancy. 7 00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,051 We're tryin' to class the place up... 8 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,383 and this was easier than tryin' to get rid of that smell. 9 00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,684 That strawberry shortcake sure does look good, huh, Earl? 10 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,760 I don't like strawberries. But I'm gonna take that German chocolate. 11 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,193 - [Bell Dings] - I don't like strawberries too. 12 00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:33,026 I didn't realize that's what was in it. 13 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:37,001 Chocolate sounds better. And German's one of my favorite flavors. 14 00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:40,295 You boys finish up your homework. 15 00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,307 Don't do too good a job at it. 16 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,468 Mama needs that summer school for free day care. 17 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:46,807 I gotta draw something I think is beautiful for art class... 18 00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,813 and I can't think of anything. 19 00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,940 Well, what about a butterfly or a rainbow... 20 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,246 or the small of Denzel Washington's back? 21 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,048 I drew something beautiful, Mom. 22 00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,988 - Who is that? - Her. 23 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,793 Please tell me somebody slipped you a shot of vodka. 24 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,957 - Oh, yeah. She's mine. - [Men Chuckling] 25 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,058 [Men Chattering] 26 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,570 [Jasper] That's mine. Right there. Come on! Hey, check it out. 27 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,572 A dude cheerleader! [Groans] 28 00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:17,575 They should put a skirt on him, like the rest of the girls. 29 00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:20,612 And stuff his bra. And put lipstick on him. 30 00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:24,649 [Earl Narrating] This wasn't the first mob I had ever seen turn on a male cheerleader. 31 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,345 And it reminded me of somethin'on my list. 32 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:28,682 - [School Bell Rings] - Hey, Kenny. 33 00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,188 - [Gasps] - Whoa. Where you goin'? 34 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,987 - Didn't you hear? I'm the new backpack inspector. - [Zipper Opens] 35 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,860 George Orwell, you sure were right about 1984. 36 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:39,864 [Chuckles] What's this? 37 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:43,493 Oh, my God. Kenny wants to be a cheerleader! 38 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,130 N-N-No, I don't! I was gonna audition for the football- 39 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,107 A sock, man. Nice, Randy. 40 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,543 But you already crossed Kenny off. Remember? You made him gay. 41 00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,206 Well, I crossed "Always picked on KennyJames" off my list... 42 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:59,717 but "Kept Kenny from his dream of cheerleading" is an entirely different list item. 43 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:02,447 Well, then "Made Randy drink toilet water when he was eight"... 44 00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:06,321 and "Made Randy drink toilet water when he was 10" better be two separate list items. 45 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,630 Keep talkin', I'm gonna cut off that hair! 46 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,168 [Voice Cracks] That beautiful, beautiful hair. 47 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:19,170 [Woman On TV] At Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy... 48 00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:21,263 you too will be able to tuck, toe touch, tumble... 49 00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,808 fly and basket toss with the best of them! 50 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,902 Each camp session includes an end of session cheer-off! 51 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,981 Come for the cheer. Stay for the friendships. 52 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,982 [Man On TV] Friendships not guaranteed by camp. 53 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,143 We've got spirit! Yes, we do! 54 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:36,120 We've got spirit! How about you? 55 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:39,191 [Woman On TV] How about you? You? You? 56 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,192 So I checked with the camp... 57 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,263 and they said they're okay with a grown man staying in dorms with teen girls. 58 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:47,094 You just have to sign a "no statutory rape" waiver. 59 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,328 I told 'em you were gay, but they said they're not fallin' for that again. 60 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:53,894 Oh, well, that's so nice of you. But that cheerleading flyer wasn't mine. 61 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,498 I've been trying to tell you. That was ac- 62 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,976 [Earl Narrating] There was a reason Randy kept stickin'socks in Kenny's mouth. 63 00:03:00,079 --> 00:03:03,412 Kenny didn't want to be a cheerleader. Randy did. 64 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,711 - Turns out, I only knew half the story. - [School Bell Rings] 65 00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:07,718 Say anything and I'll kill you. 66 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,755 For a gay guy, you sure do have a good memory. 67 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,690 Randy, l-I didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader. 68 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,693 Come back so we can talk about this! 69 00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:18,730 That's what girlie guys like to do, right? Talk about stuff? 70 00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,367 [Lock Clicks] 71 00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:29,366 - I'm in here. - So am I. 72 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,638 [Earl Narrating] Randy wantin'to be a dude cheerleader seemed kinda crazy. 73 00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:34,975 But lookin'back, he'd given me plenty of clues. 74 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,743 - [Stomps] - Cockroach. 75 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,080 [Sighs] 76 00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,688 I'll have the number two special. 77 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:48,227 - What would you like to order, Randy? - Number one! 78 00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:55,966 - Well, that's the last beer. - I'll go get another case. 79 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,402 ## [Girls Vocalizing] 80 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:06,406 - Randy? Come on. Randy? - How long do you think you're gonna be in here? 81 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,777 These bubbles are going fast, and Kenny doesn't like anyone else to see Chester. 82 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,907 Stuart, put a washcloth over Chester! 83 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,576 [Earl] Randy, you're on my list now. 84 00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:16,780 And l-I can't cross you off until I send you to cheerleadin'camp. 85 00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,255 So you can make fun of me? 86 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,089 - Tell him you want to go too. - No! I'm a man. 87 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:25,062 It's the only way Randy will do it. He follows whatever you do. 88 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:27,997 How many years were you Batman and Big Batman for Halloween? 89 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:31,366 [Earl Narrating] Kenny was right. Randy does do everything I do. 90 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,530 And if I was gonna cross him off my list... 91 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,165 we were gonna have to be cheerleader and big cheerleader. 92 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,767 I made fun of dude cheerleaders 'cause- 93 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,210 [Exhales] I kinda wanted to be one too. 94 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,976 L-I just didn't think I could make it. 95 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:47,211 - You're just sayin' that. - I love cheerin'. 96 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,153 My whole life, I've dreamed of ownin' a pom. 97 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:52,315 - Pom-poms. - Y-Two poms. 98 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:56,156 In fact, l-l-I've been sneakin'off to cheer for years. 99 00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:59,959 But mostly in the shower, so I've never tried anything too advanced... 100 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,830 'cause of how slippery it is in there. 101 00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,460 Yeah. That's why I wear my shoes when I shower. 102 00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:07,471 Do you still want to be a cheerleader? 103 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:14,003 Yep. That's why I'm gonna go to this camp with or without you. 104 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:17,514 Randy, I don't know much about cheerleading camp... 105 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:20,347 but it sounds [Singsong] spectacular! 106 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,353 Kenny taught me to say it that way. 107 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:29,188 [Cheering, Indistinct] 108 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,465 - Ready? - Okay. 109 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,772 [Earl Narrating] When we were kids, I'd destroyed Randy's dream ofbecoming a cheerleader... 110 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:44,604 which probably kept Dad from kickin'him out of the house. 111 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,202 But I still needed to make it up to him. 112 00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,009 And while we were goin'after Randy's dreams... 113 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,584 Joy was tryin'to replace Catalina in her son's dreams. 114 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:58,350 Hey, sweetheart. 115 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,120 - Mom- - Yes, baby? 116 00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,787 You look old. 117 00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:05,363 You look old! 118 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,399 [Earl Narrating] Camp was already a nightmare for me... 119 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,400 but for Randy it was a dream come true. 120 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,402 My name is Skyler. 121 00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:14,371 If you go high, then I'll go higher. 122 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:20,538 My name is Randy and I like candy and I like corn dogs. 123 00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:26,585 [Woman] Hello, cheermates, and welcome to the Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy! 124 00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,813 [Cheering] 125 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:32,584 My name is Kimmi Himler. 126 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,627 What's wrong with your face? 127 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:39,892 Oh, apparently we have some new campers with us today. 128 00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:41,967 [Earl Narrating] Turns out Kimmi Himler was once the captain... 129 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,469 of the Nathanville Community College Fightin'Badger cheerleading squad. 130 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:49,473 We are Badgers. B-A-D-G-E-R-S. 131 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,475 We're bad. We're Badgers. 132 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,138 And their senior year, they ditched the guy in the suit and got a real badger... 133 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,443 - which they didn't really think through. - [Chuckles] 134 00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:58,983 [Pole Clatters] 135 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,747 He's gone! The badger's gone! 136 00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,749 Okay, everything's gonna be okay... 137 00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:08,156 as long as none of them girls are on their period. 138 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,662 - [Screaming] - [Badger Roaring] 139 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:16,428 Go Badgers! Go. Go! 140 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,595 - [Screaming Continues] - [Roaring Continues] 141 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,867 The point is, I never stopped cheering... 142 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,239 even after the attack, when they had to stick an eight-inch rabies needle... 143 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:28,108 directly into my stomach once a week for six months. 144 00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,705 [Chuckles] Who else has that kind of spirit? 145 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,342 Mary Lou Retton! 146 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,980 Um, well, anyway, everyone find your hometown... 147 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,855 - and you'll find your cheer squad! Okay! - [Girl] Hey, Kimmi! 148 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,523 [Chattering] 149 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,899 What a team. 150 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,306 Great. Just what this team was missin'- two old dudes. 151 00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:03,144 Okay, teams. Ready, set, go! 152 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,152 What's goin' on? 153 00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:10,916 - Supposed to be formin' a pyramid. - Come on, Earl. Get on. 154 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,722 Don't even bother. Last place gets last dorm pick. 155 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:21,664 As usual, looks like last place is going to go to Camden! 156 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,568 Perfect as usual, Nathanville. 157 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,570 Thanks, Mom. 158 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:31,666 Maybe they'll give us a nice dorm because of your... situation. 159 00:08:31,777 --> 00:08:35,076 No, we got the crappy ones last year, and I was pregnant then too. 160 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,513 [Earl Narrating] Cheer camp was gonna be harder than I thought... 161 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,013 and so was changing Dodge's mind. 162 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,179 Blonde hair and blue eyes is rare... 163 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,621 so it's considered a treasure of the human race. 164 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,625 It's what World War II was about. 165 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,958 Why do you think theJapanese bombed Pearl Harbor? Jealous. 166 00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:01,139 Oh, come on! You just like her 'cause she's the same color as pancakes. 167 00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:05,643 [Earl Narrating] Even though me and Randy... 168 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,770 would be sleeping in the third floorjanitor's closet... 169 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,849 they did let us help our teammates get moved into their rooms. 170 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,145 It's not that bad. 171 00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:16,744 If it makes you feel better, I don't think that urine smell's from humans. 172 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,381 [Scoffs] These are the bunks that Camden gets every year... 173 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,484 because we always come last at everything. 174 00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,563 Randy, you know, if we're gonna lose anyway... 175 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:28,156 maybe we should just pack up our tiny, tight, itchy cheer pants and go. 176 00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:31,395 We can't quit, Earl. We've got more competitions. 177 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,564 And at the end of the week, we cheer in front of a real crowd. 178 00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:38,235 They'll yell back any letter you ask 'em to. Even the hard letters. 179 00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,972 What's the point of bein' in front of a crowd when we're gonna suck? 180 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,572 Speak for yourself, robo face. I don't suck. 181 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:47,482 - [Chuckles] - Cool it, Juno. You suck worser than she do. 182 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,317 Every time you do a split, I'm afraid your little mistake's gonna pop out. 183 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,323 This pregnancy was not a mistake. 184 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,087 At the time, Coach Barnes and I were in a committed relationship. 185 00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:58,823 - That's not what I heard. - Oh, eat a chicken, fat ass. 186 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,230 Stop it! Stop callin' each other names! 187 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,133 Come on. Preggers, Headgear, Chunk, Black Girl. 188 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,603 You know why Badger Face treats us so bad? 189 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:12,167 Because people expect Camden folks to act this way, to turn on each other. 190 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:16,544 Me and Earl have been dreamin' about bein' cheerleaders our whole lives... 191 00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:21,245 but we never did anything about it because we let what other people thought control us. 192 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,914 - Right, Earl? - Yep. 193 00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,014 And now I'm gonna be a cheerleader... 194 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,617 no matter how stupid and girlie and embarrassin' that is. 195 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,698 Who cares what other people think? 196 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:37,201 I'm here to do whatever it takes to be the most best cheerleader I can be. 197 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,931 Me too. Maybe this year the football team... 198 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,735 will finally invite me to a party that's actually happening. 199 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:44,742 That's the spirit, Headgear. 200 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,108 Look at all the good things about our squad. 201 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:51,309 Like Preggers is actually two cheerleaders in one. 202 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,317 And I can lift people really high. 203 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,354 [Earl Narrating] I was impressed with Randy. He wasn'tjust cheerin; he was leadin'. 204 00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:01,326 - [Gasp] - [Squeaking] 205 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,590 [Screaming] 206 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,528 [Screams] 207 00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,430 [Earl Narrating] After Randy's speech, a funny thing happened. 208 00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:11,526 #Whoop, there it is Whoop, there it is # 209 00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:15,198 The girls all went to bed that night as I's and woke up as a team. 210 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,605 #Whoop, there it is Whoop, there it is # 211 00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:21,578 After a few hours, we weren't just a team, we were a squad- 212 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,650 which later someone told me meant the same thing as team. 213 00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,546 And our skit could only be described as raggedy awesome. 214 00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:34,217 - Our team is boom! Dynamite! - [Laughing] 215 00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:36,294 Tick, tick, tick. 216 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:39,455 - Boom! Dynamite! - Tick, tick, tick. 217 00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:43,626 Our team is boom! Dynamite! Tick, tick, tick. 218 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:47,297 By the end of the day, we'd put the other squads on notice: Camden was here to cheer. 219 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:52,366 - That big guy has the spirit of 10 cheerleaders. - Mommy will take care of it. 220 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:02,478 Sorry. I have bad news. I went through the rule book... 221 00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,488 and adult men can't participate in the camp. 222 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,581 So P-A-C-K up your crap and go! 223 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:13,997 I guess I won't get to cheer in front of a real crowd after all. 224 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,898 But Kimmi owns the camp. She can change the rules. 225 00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:20,733 Doesn't matter, Earl. The president owns the country, but he doesn't make the rules. 226 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,740 The Pilgrims make the rules. 227 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,571 I'd argue, but history is the only subject he's better than me at. 228 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,648 [Sighs] 229 00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,844 - [No Audible Dialogue] - [Earl Narrating] I didn't know exactly... 230 00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:39,015 how I was gonna change Kimmi's mind about kickin'me and Randy out... 231 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,559 but I knew I had to do somethin'. 232 00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,685 Nothing is going to change my mind. 233 00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:46,822 Now if you'll excuse me, Meg Ryan's about to find out who's been sending her mail. 234 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,832 It's Tom Hanks. 235 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,960 Over the years, I've come to know the signs of a lonely woman: 236 00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,835 No wedding ring, sappy movie... 237 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,033 half gallon of ice cream, one spoon... 238 00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:00,169 and a face horribly disfigured by a runaway badger. 239 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,112 I had to do whatever it took to give Randy his chance to cheer. 240 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,706 Listen, Kimmi. 241 00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:09,310 I'm not really here for my brother. 242 00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:11,855 I'm here 'cause I'm lonely. 243 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:20,126 L-O-N-E-L-L-Y. 244 00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:22,496 - [Gasps] - Lonely. 245 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,833 You've got male, if you want it. 246 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,307 And so, I did what had to be done. 247 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,312 Unfortunately, Kimmi was flexible. 248 00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:38,542 So no matter what position we were in, we were always face to face. 249 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,847 - [Grunts] - [Growls] 250 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:46,083 Is your eye gonna drip every time you blink? 251 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,087 Guess so. 252 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:55,066 We're back in, and I need a hug. 253 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:58,136 I'd resorted to desperate measures, and I wasn't the only one. 254 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,472 Baby, what are you doing? 255 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,475 Just spraying on some glitter before I go read Dodge his bedtime story. 256 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:08,877 - Can you hand me my fishnets? - Good God, this Catalina thing is making you crazy. 257 00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:12,212 What is so crazy about a mama wantin' her son to think she's sexy? 258 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,718 Everything! Boys aren't supposed to think their mothers are sexy. 259 00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,720 I mean, maybe a couple weird dreams during puberty... 260 00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,722 you don't tell anyone about, but that's it. 261 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:22,055 I'm not just gonna sit back and lose my son to some skeevy senorita. 262 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,061 He's not gonna run off with Catalina. 263 00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:27,690 Even if she was into eight-year-olds, I doubt she wants you as a mother-in-law. 264 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,700 Catalina's just the flavor of the week. 265 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,793 Then it'll be some other girl, then some other girl. 266 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:35,567 Before you know it, he's 16 and has a family of his own and then- 267 00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,869 then he won't need me at all. 268 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,914 Baby, it doesn't matter how many girls he has. 269 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:48,453 He only has one mama. He'll always need you. 270 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,216 You don't know that. 271 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,258 [Sighs] 272 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,262 [Earl Narrating] Darnell fancied himself a good parent. 273 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,832 And sometimes when you wanna help someone you love who's hurtin'... 274 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:01,934 you have to hurt someone else you love to make it right. 275 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,129 You have to hurt someone else you love to make it right. 276 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,902 - [Yells] - [Blade Whirring] 277 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,171 Baby? 278 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:17,648 Mommy, Mommy, the fan fell on me for no reason, and it was on. 279 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,880 - Oh, it's okay, sweetie. I'm here. - [Crying] 280 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,217 I'm always gonna be here. 281 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,793 [Earl Narrating] It was the final performance... 282 00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:33,831 and after stayin'up for two nights practicing, the Camden squad was ready to go. 283 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,766 Unfortunately, my stomach was too. 284 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,996 You okay, Earl? 285 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,004 I'm feelin' a little nauseous. 286 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,040 Well, if you have to hurl, you should go outside. 287 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,667 They'll take away points if they think you're doin' it to lose weight. 288 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,871 [Earl Narrating] Over the week, I had gotten used to doin'cheerleading... 289 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,880 around a bunch of other cheerleaders... 290 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:53,110 but when I thought about gettin'up in front of a real audience... 291 00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,880 my stomach was the one doin'backflips. 292 00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:59,185 - 'Sup, loser? - Joy? 293 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,316 - Hey, Earl. - Hey, Crabman. 294 00:16:01,427 --> 00:16:05,022 Randy sent us a postcard sayin' y'all were havin' a lot of fun at cheer camp. 295 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,860 And Earl, I do not say this enough. 296 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,867 You are a douche bag. 297 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,234 Sorry about the camera, Earl. But with all the things Joy has let me record... 298 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,330 it would've been rude for me to deny her this. 299 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,874 Does anybody else know about this? 300 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:20,412 [Laughing] 301 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:24,977 Oh, my God! 302 00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:29,015 Randy, Randy, Randy. I can't do this. 303 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,021 What? 304 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,717 Joy's here and she brought a ton of people from the Crab Shack. 305 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,592 They got camcorders! We're gonna look stupid and 10 pounds heavier. 306 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,596 So what? This is our dream, Earl. 307 00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,667 Not mine, just yours. I just lied so I could cross you off my list. 308 00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,599 That was a horrible thing to do. 309 00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:47,501 You know what's a horrible thing? Tryin' to satisfy a double-jointed woman... 310 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:49,506 while gettin' squirted in the face with eye milk. 311 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:53,408 - I did that for you, but that's it. I'm done. - Well, if you're done, I'm done. 312 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:57,073 No, Randy, that's how all this started. 313 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,082 Look, all you do is follow me. 314 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,914 You can't just do what I do your whole life. 315 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,855 If this is your dream, then you do it on your own. 316 00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,454 You're right. I get what you're sayin'. 317 00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,291 I'll do it. 318 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,729 But only if you do with me. 319 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:16,630 Oh, damn it, Randy, This is what I'm talkin' about. 320 00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:19,533 Randy, we ain't goin' on without you. 321 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:23,130 [Chanting] We got spirit. Yes, we do. 322 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,803 We got spirit. How 'bout you? 323 00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:31,747 [Woman On P.A.] The Kimmi Himler Cheer Academy presents Team Camden! 324 00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:35,217 - [People] Camden! - I do got spirit. Yes, I do. 325 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,480 Yes! 326 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,258 [Cheering] 327 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,890 [Mouthing Words] 328 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,463 Yeah! 329 00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,426 Thank you, Lord, for the gift we are about to receive. 330 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:56,838 - [Man] Let's go. Let's go, man. - [Man #2] Let's go! 331 00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,911 Are you pressing play? Press play! 332 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,639 Randy Hickey for homecoming queen! 333 00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:03,510 [Jasper] Shake your pom-poms, cutie boy! 334 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,015 [Joy] You wouldn't be smilin' if you knew how stupid you look! 335 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:09,349 We're gonna put this on YouTube as soon as one of us figures out how to use a computer! 336 00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,652 Hey, Randy. Your vagina's showing! 337 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,658 [Earl Narrating] My whole life, Randy's followed me. 338 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,785 He's always been by my side. 339 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,090 You could say he's been my cheerleader... 340 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,598 and, well, I figured for once I should be his. 341 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,601 ## [Pop On Speaker] 342 00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:31,305 Bang, bang, choo-choo train. Come on, Camden. Do your thing. 343 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,105 - We can't. - Why not? 344 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:36,807 My back is aching. My skirt's too tight. My booty's sagging from left to right. 345 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,815 That don't sound like Camden spirit. 346 00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,885 I know you got it. Come on. Let's hear it. 347 00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:44,786 Bang, bang, choo-choo train. Come on, Camden. Do your thing. 348 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:48,951 Get it, get it, get it, get it. Got it, got it, got it, got it. 349 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:54,158 C- A-M! C- A-M-D-E-N. Camden! 350 00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:56,530 [Cheering] 351 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,868 [Earl Narrating] We weren't the best squad that camp had ever seen... 352 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,876 but we were the best squad Camden had ever seen... 353 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,742 and that was all because of Randy. 354 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,475 [Hoots] 355 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,813 Nice job, cowboy. 356 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,581 The veterinarian who drains my eye is in Camden. 357 00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:20,351 I'm there every Friday. I'm gonna look you up. 358 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,930 [Spits] 359 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,898 Later that day, I realized there were probably a lot of other things... 360 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,599 Randy would enjoy doin'but didn't try because of me, like strawberry shortcake. 361 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:38,540 But fortunately, I wasn't the only one realizin'that. 362 00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,544 Here's your strawberry shortcake. 363 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,809 I put the tartar sauce on the side because I feared you might regret that decision. 364 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,443 And maybe Randy had a thing or two to teach me.