1
00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:04,038
[ Chattering ]

2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:07,075
[ Earl Narrating ]
I guess my favorite time
in prison is nighttime.

3
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,143
[ Man On P.A. ]
Lights out.

4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,011
[ Earl Narrating ]
When it's dark and peaceful,

5
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:15,449
you can almost feel like
you're not stuck
behind bars anymore.

6
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,486
[ Man On P.A. ]
Outside lights on.
[ Men Groan ]

7
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,489
[ Earl Narrating ]
Those are the best
seven seconds of my day.

8
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,426
Prisoners like to complain,
of course,

9
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:29,330
but we're not the only ones
who can feel trapped.

10
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,466
Sometimes Darnell felt trapped
in a job that conflicted...

11
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,968
with his kind
and gentle nature.

12
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,471
[ Crab Screeching ]

13
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,843
Catalina sometimes felt trapped
just by bein' too pretty.

14
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,846
Is the Latina girl gonna
be walking to her car soon?

15
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:50,050
'Cause they're really strict
about curfew at
the halfway house.

16
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:55,323
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy sometimes felt trapped
in his day-to-day life.

17
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,559
Randy!
I wanted the baby one
on the bottom.

18
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,528
[ Earl Narrating ]
And sometimes Joy
felt trapped...

19
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,530
just taking care
of her overactive kids.

20
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,532
[ Object Smashing ]
You two settle down!

21
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,934
And get Mama's thong
off your head.

22
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,837
You had pinkeye last week.

23
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:13,274
[ Earl Narrating ]
But I, for one,
was about to get an escape.

24
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,809
"Prison Creative Writing."

25
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:19,880
Creative writing
is a wonderful way
to escape from prison...

26
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,450
in your imagination.

27
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,153
It's a chance
to free your mind,

28
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,521
even if you're stuck
behind walls...

29
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:31,459
and a five-point limb
and torso restraint.

30
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,928
Anyway, I want you men
to create a story...

31
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,997
where you're
the main character.

32
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:40,468
And you can do
absolutely anything!

33
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,771
[ Narrating ] This tiny armored
lady was actually getting me
excited about writing,

34
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,540
saying how the pen is mightier
than the sword.

35
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,311
[ Body Thuds ]
Then someone used their pen
as a sword.

36
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:55,149
Excuse me, Mrs. Teacher.
I think Enrico might need
a pass to the nurse's office.

37
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,186
[ Sighs ]
311.

38
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:00,721
My name is Earl.

39
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,826
[ Earl Narrating ]
Gettin' started on
my creative writin' project...

40
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,695
was harder than I expected.

41
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,697
I always thought
I had a good imagination,

42
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,633
but it turns out
that was just my imagination.

43
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,835
Hey, Earl, how do
you spell "hematoma"?

44
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:19,673
I don't know, Sonny.
If you're gonna make up words,
just make up how to spell 'em.

45
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:23,244
No, it's a real word. See,
I'm writing a story about
me beatin' up a gymnast.

46
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:25,713
I hate those guys.

47
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:30,351
I wish I had an idea. I'm tryin'
to write, but just
drawin' a blank.

48
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:34,188
You're being too uptight, man.
You gotta just close your eyes
and look inside your brain.

49
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,457
You know, like when
you're driving on meth.

50
00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,226
[ Earl Narrating ]
I'd never driven
on meth before,

51
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,362
but I've ridden shotgun
plenty of times
while someone else did,

52
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,697
and closin' your eyes did help.

53
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:46,166
So I gave it a shot.

54
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,915
So, this is my imagination.

55
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,184
Cool.

56
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:07,988
Okay, my story can be
about me doin' anything.

57
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,458
Anything I can imagine.

58
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,166
You could put me
in your story.
Worked for Sonny.

59
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:22,403
Come on, hit me.
Break my nose.

60
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:25,038
That-That's Sonny's thing.
Sweet of you, though.

61
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,441
You can go now.

62
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:34,815
Well, I can't leave unless
you stop thinkin' about me.

63
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,718
Right.

64
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,687
[ Gasps ]

65
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,824
You're thinking about me.

66
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,860
Shut up!

67
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:51,231
And that right there
took me a little less than
four and one-half hours.

68
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:55,836
Writin' sounds cool.
You could make a world
where anything could happen,

69
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:59,707
like a guy all alone
in a boat, huntin'
a big, white whale.

70
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,377
Randy, nobody's gonna
want to read that.

71
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,913
That's okay.
I got lots of ideas.

72
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,849
[ Earl Narrating ]
Randy's been lost a lot,
but never lost in thought.

73
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,218
Suddenly, he was in
a world of his own.

74
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:16,424
1059, 1060.

75
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:20,093
What's next on my crime fighter
exercise schedule, H.R.?

76
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:24,332
Golly, Randy, says here you do
ten zillion jumpin' jacks.

77
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:27,067
Hmm. Must be a light day.

78
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,069
[ Beeping ]

79
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:32,139
- Afternoon, Randy. Bad news.
- Some sort of trouble,
Commissioner?

80
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,443
- Earl's in trouble
at the Crab Shack.
- At the Crab Shack?

81
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:39,580
Sounds like Earl's in trouble.
We're on it.
Now trouble's in trouble.

82
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:43,784
We'll need to get our driver.
Hey, Richard, we're movin' out.

83
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:47,355
[ Toilet Flushes ]
[ Chittering ]

84
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:50,290
Step on it, Richard!

85
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,632
[ Beeping ]

86
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:04,505
Sumo guy with a bazooka?
That's too easy.
It must be a trap.

87
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,676
Look out, team.
Puppet sniper, 10:00.

88
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,645
I'll use my X-ray vision
to check on Earl.

89
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,321
Stop your shaking in fear, Earl.
Your brother will save us soon.

90
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,792
He's strong and fearless
and bad to the bone.

91
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:30,230
He'll never get in.
These walls
are rock-solid metal.

92
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,165
[ Cackling ]

93
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,403
This situation is hopeless.
No one can save us now.

94
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:38,071
[ Cackling ]

95
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:43,343
Since we're gonna die, I should
tell you this is actually
Randy's mustache.

96
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,913
He lets me wear it.

97
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,981
Catalina, look!

98
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,118
How did you get in here?

99
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,388
[ High-pitched ]
Dr. Shrinker shrunk us,
and we crawled under the door.

100
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:58,058
Un-shrink!
[ Computerized Voice ]
Un-shrinking.

101
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,461
- [ Ninjas ] Hyah!
- We're here for two things:

102
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,163
to kick some ass
and drink some beers.

103
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:06,534
- Get him, you fools!
- [ Shouting ]

104
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,703
- [ Shouting ]
- Oh!

105
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:15,476
[ Grunts ]

106
00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:17,110
Did you see that one?
Wow!

107
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,713
Eat my tail, ninjas.

108
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,817
Get back in there,
you loser! Fight!

109
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:28,121
[ Shouts ]

110
00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:32,092
[ Bones Cracking ]

111
00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:38,999
Booyah, Randy!

112
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,572
Game over.

113
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,207
Go ahead, finish me off.

114
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,177
I'd never hurt a lady.
[ Sighs ]

115
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:54,014
[ Bones Cracking ]
Lucky for me,
you're no lady.

116
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,384
Wow!

117
00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,688
You're the best, Randy.
I know.

118
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,856
You ruined everything,
Randy!

119
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:07,060
I don't ruin things.
I make 'em rock.

120
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:10,598
** [ Rock ]

121
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,433
Thanks, Bro.
You've done it again.

122
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:16,036
Can I have some money
for the claw machine?

123
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,971
Oh, Earl.

124
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,609
[ All Laughing ]

125
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:26,179
Wow. You wrote
all this in one night?
Yeah.

126
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,517
I even drew a poster,
in case Hollywood wants
to make it into a movie.

127
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:34,321
Wow. Well, the doctor
always said you were
borderline artistic.

128
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:39,893
I think I'm all the way artistic
now. I'm gonna go hang it
in the break room.

129
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,363
[ Earl Narrating ]
Considering Randy only
uses a 17-letter alphabet,

130
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:45,799
I was surprised
he could write a story
better than me.

131
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:49,537
So I decided I'd try again.
[ Sighs ]

132
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:54,141
Somethin' interesting.
Think of somethin' interesting.

133
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,577
Just so you know,
I've been all over
this place.

134
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,679
There's nothin'
else here but me.

135
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:01,314
Go away.
Nobody's interested in
a story about a gymnast.

136
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:04,785
Apparently you've never seen
Profiles In Courage:
The Kerri Strug Story.

137
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:08,288
No, I haven't.
Aha. Then how'd
you make me say it?

138
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,925
Okay, fine. I saw it, and it
made me cry. You happy now,
you son of a bitch?

139
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,829
Damn!

140
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,970
[ Earl Narrating ] It was five
days, and I still couldn't
think of anything to write.

141
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:27,240
Seemed like everybody
had an imagination except me.
[ Sighs ]

142
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:34,381
Boys, clean up this mess!
It looks like a toy store
took a dump in here!

143
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,383
I know what'll cheer
you up, Joy.

144
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:38,318
Writin' a story.
You should do it.

145
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:42,556
Here's a story.
"Once upon a time,
Randy shut up. The end."

146
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,592
Had a slow start,
but I liked the middle.

147
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,431
- Y'all didn't do
your homework yet?
- [ Both Groan ]

148
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:54,802
I want homework done, TV off,
and y'all in bed by midnight.

149
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,070
I'm not raisin'
any Nathanville trash.

150
00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:01,341
[ Dodge ]
I hate homework. It's stupid.
I don't like it.

151
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,612
[ Earl Narrating ]
Joy's kids hated everything
from homework to baths.

152
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:08,281
So Joy decided to go
to the only place her kids
couldn't complain--

153
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,250
her imagination.

154
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:17,190
[ Joy Narrating ]
Once upon a long, long time ago,
pretty far away,

155
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,326
there were two
whiny little brats who I loved,

156
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,394
but I still wanted to
wring their necks sometimes,

157
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:25,565
and a mom with the class
of Princess Diana
and the body of a porn star.

158
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:29,136
[ Together ]
You're mean! You make us
do homework, which is yucky!

159
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,939
Don't you talk
in unison to me.
You think I'm mean?

160
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,041
Mean is not bein' able
to drink daiquiris
for nine months...

161
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,143
and still havin' your kids
come out lazy-brained.

162
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,446
Let me show you somethin'
about homework. Let's go.
[ Both Grunt ]

163
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,983
Once there was a little boy like
you two who never, ever studied.

164
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:47,054
[ Cawing ]
Ugh! I hate crows.

165
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,423
And that boy who didn't do
his homework grew up
to be a giant dummy.

166
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,459
Hey, giant dummy.

167
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,896
If a train leaves a station
going 60 miles an hour,
and you're a quarter mile away,

168
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,465
how long do you have
to get your hairy ass
off the track?

169
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,101
Crud, man,
that's a toughie.

170
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:05,605
Sixty divided by a quarter--
A quarter's 25 cents.

171
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:09,509
"I" before "E" equals...
an hour and a half.

172
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,545
Whew! Now I got
80 minutes to kill.

173
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,615
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Grunts ]

174
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,751
[ Both Screaming ]

175
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,720
Well, he got
the "kill" part right.

176
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:23,824
Anyway, that's why
I make you do your homework.
So quit your bitchin'.

177
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,793
Yeah, quit your bitchin'.

178
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,095
Shut up! I got this.

179
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,030
Let's go.
Y'all hate bath time?

180
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:33,100
Once there was a lazy slob
who wouldn't take a bath.

181
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,670
He got so nasty and sweaty
that moss grew on him.
Eww.

182
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:40,540
Then the moss got sticky,
and all his snack crumbs
stuck to it.

183
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:44,311
Then mice came,
and the nasty slob said--
Shoo, mice.

184
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:48,982
But the mice couldn't shoo
because they were too stuck
to the damn slob.

185
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,785
Then all the mess
at the slob's filthy house
stuck to the slob.

186
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,187
I hate myself!
[ Crash ]

187
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:58,091
Then cars and trees
and buildings stuck to the slob.

188
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:01,328
And then as sure
as poo on your shoe,
everything stuck to the slob.

189
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:04,698
Mountains stuck to him,
Canada stuck to him.

190
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,701
And the slob-clump
got so heavy that he fell
clear off the Earth.

191
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:11,171
And he fell all the way
through space until he landed
on God's desk,

192
00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,241
where God squished him
with his coffee mug.
[ Screaming ]

193
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,244
God loves everybody,
but I mean, come on.

194
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,546
Looking good there, Joy.

195
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:23,483
Just usin' what
you gave me, "G."
[ Clicks Tongue ]

196
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,686
"And they went back
to their trailer and lived
happily ever after."

197
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,489
Okay, you two,
clean up and go to bed.

198
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:32,926
And remember, if you don't
listen to what I say,
God will kill you.

199
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:40,768
While I disagree with
your view of a conventional
anthropomorphic god,

200
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:44,037
I respect you using that myth
to discipline them
rascally boys.

201
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:48,308
I'm a creative being, Darnell. I
mean, think about all that stuff
I yell at the movie screen,

202
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,811
and all those great
Mad Libs I've done.

203
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,282
"The purple Christina Aguilera
flew into"--

204
00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,450
[ Together ]
"The horny Carol Burnett."

205
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:02,055
That was a fun anniversary.
Mm-hmm.

206
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:07,861
[ Earl Narrating ]
Apparently all my friends
were more creative than me.

207
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:12,365
'Cause even Darnell was able
to work out some personal issues
by puttin' pen to paper.

208
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:16,203
** [ Soul ]

209
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,940
* My sweet animal brother *

210
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:23,476
* Please forgive my sin *

211
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,979
* Mmm-mmm *

212
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:29,616
* Food source with a mother *

213
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,519
* Where do I begin *

214
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:40,493
* To explain how my heart toils
justifying that you boil *

215
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,930
* Leftovers I wrap in foil *

216
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,866
* America burns too much oil *

217
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,668
Gotta stay focused.

218
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,839
* When I make
my dirty dollar *

219
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,975
Hmph!
* I have heard the sound *

220
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:57,210
Wait for it.
It's heavy.

221
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:02,049
* Of a crab who hiss
and hollers *
Ahhh!

222
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:07,454
* As he's drowning down
Oh, yeah *

223
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,423
* That crab fritter
you see fryin' *

224
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,026
* Was once a critter
I sent dyin' *

225
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,328
* I wanna be a quitter
and I'm sure tryin' *

226
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:20,333
* 'Cause I'm a cook
who can't stop cryin'
Ooo-ooh *

227
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:24,737
* I'm not saying what to eat
Have a shish kebab
or piggy feet *

228
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,107
* But honor
he who feels the heat *

229
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,609
* Please, respect the meat *

230
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,012
[ Rapping ]
* I wanna say thank you
Thank you from the nation *

231
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:34,381
* To the people with claws
Crustaceans *

232
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:36,383
* And the other animals
whose location *

233
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,319
* Will end up in my draws
Mastication *

234
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,788
- Joy?
- [ Rapping ]
* Hey, it's not selfish *

235
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:45,158
* It is quite valid
to hope that shellfish
get their own mallets *

236
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,527
* And you might well wish
you ordered salad *

237
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,130
* When a crab whups your ass
Darnell, kick your ballad *

238
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:54,935
[ Singing ]
* It's no crime to sell a ton
of murdered exoskeletons *

239
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,270
* No one cried
when he got fried *

240
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:02,309
* Because he walks
from side to side *

241
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,012
* Chigga, chigga
chigga, chigga, pinch *

242
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,713
* Chigga, chigga, chigga
chigga, pinch *

243
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:09,416
[ Softly ]
* Baby, I tried
to stay away from you *

244
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,019
* You know, tried
seeing other foods *

245
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,754
* Broccoli, tofu
I even dipped it in butter *

246
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:18,758
* But it's not you *

247
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,261
* I'm not saying what to eat *

248
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,396
* Life is short
and life is sweet *

249
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,865
* And meat is life
So I repeat *

250
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:28,501
* Please, respect the meat *

251
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,870
* Digest slowly *

252
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:33,941
* Please, respect the meat *

253
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,009
* Even in Crete *

254
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:39,679
* Please, respect the meat *

255
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:43,650
* Ohhh **

256
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,486
[ Crab Screeching ]

257
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:52,325
Darnell, these lyrics
are so beautiful and moving.

258
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,065
That's what Joey
looks like on the inside.

259
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,033
You should probably
stop naming them.

260
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,703
That's what we did with
the children in my village
after the military took over.

261
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,872
Damn! You've got
some crazy stories.

262
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:09,476
You ever think about
writing them down?
I wish I could write.

263
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:12,679
But with my two jobs,
when will I find the time?

264
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,714
[ Grunts ]

265
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,317
I just want
to take her to dinner.

266
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:22,089
[ Earl Narrating ] Turns out
she found time to take a stab
at writing that very night.

267
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:27,827
[ Male Announcer ]
Presenta, en una historia
original de Catalina Aruca,

268
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:31,431
el regreso a la TV
de la primera actriz,

269
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:35,335
Catalina Aruca
como Catalina en--

270
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:39,439
Catalina,
Woman of a Thousand Tears.

271
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:43,676
[ Sobbing ]

272
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,981
[ Spanish Accent ]
Catalina,
why are you crying?

273
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,884
Yes, when tomorrow
you marry the richest man
in all of Latin America.

274
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,021
It is a tear of relief,
Randito,

275
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:58,625
because tonight is the last time
I will be forced into dancing
by my brother's kidnappers.

276
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,562
I will finally have enough money
to pay for his freedom.

277
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,533
Hola, Churroman.
Hola, Earlonzo.

278
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:09,702
Catalina, these churros
are in honor of your wedding.

279
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,542
Now I have tears
of gratitude, Darnando.

280
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:19,079
I will eat them tomorrow
after I marry Javier
and lose my virginity to him,

281
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,215
which will happen tomorrow,
because that is when
he will arrive into town.

282
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,351
¡Ay! There he is!

283
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,089
He can't see me in this outfit.

284
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:32,259
If he knows I dance
in front of other men,
it would break his heart,

285
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,195
and he will call off
the wedding.

286
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:38,531
Now I cry tears for fears.

287
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:42,635
Quick, you can use
the back door!
Your secret is safe. ¡Ándale!

288
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:48,208
[ Clucking ]
It is not safe with me.

289
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,078
She will suffer
for being prettier than I.

290
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:54,747
[ Cackling ]

291
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,016
Don't worry, my brother.

292
00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:01,121
- After this last dance,
you will be free.
- [ Muttering ]

293
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:04,624
** [ Jazz ]

294
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,499
[ Gasps ]

295
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,506
Javier!

296
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:29,649
[ Cackling ]

297
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,095
I wanted to tell you
the truth.

298
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:45,798
The truth is...
you're a cheap tramp.

299
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,401
[ Sobbing ]

300
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,444
[ Sobbing Continues ]

301
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,314
But there is a reason
for my actions.

302
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,251
I dance to pay the ransom
for my kidnapped brother.

303
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,653
They cut off both
his big toes.

304
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,989
He can never wear
flip-flop sandals again.

305
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,492
Why did you not tell me?

306
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,195
I'm very wealthy
from my flip-flop factory.

307
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,630
Because of the irony.

308
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:20,633
I am not interested
in your money.

309
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,471
I am only interested...
in your heart.

310
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,210
I guess dancing
is not that bad.

311
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,445
At least you're not
the maid in the hotel.

312
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,322
[ Grunting ]

313
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,824
Este episode is sponsored
by Frijoles de Garcia.

314
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:48,861
Número uno in our hearts,
número uno in our stomach.

315
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,664
For the first time
in my life,

316
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,966
I cry tears...

317
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,469
of happiness.

318
00:18:56,536 --> 00:19:01,841
[ Announcer ]
Catalina, Woman
of a Thousand Tears.

319
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,143
[ Earl Narrating ]
Even Catalina,
who couldn't think of...

320
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:08,014
a more creative
stripper name than Catalina,
was more creative than me.

321
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,884
So all night I banged
my head, thinkin' of a story
about me that wouldn't suck.

322
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,388
I even used other
people's stuff. But nothin'
I came up with felt right.

323
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:19,659
- How many?
- Golly, Earl,
you're still at zero.

324
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,529
* Chigga, chigga, chigga
chigga, chigga *

325
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,564
[ Sighs ]

326
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,334
You can do this.
Just think of some sort of--
[ Screams ]

327
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:33,706
[ Earl Narrating ] The next day,
I still had nothing exciting
to read out loud.

328
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,444
So I gave up trying to imagine
something interesting or cool.

329
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,684
I just wrote down
the only things I could
actually picture in my head.

330
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,890
Nothing big.
Just regular stuff.

331
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,431
But it was stuff
that made me happy.

332
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,169
And suddenly the words
were flowin'. It was great.

333
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:07,940
** [ Folk ]
[ Man ]
* If my words did glow *

334
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,976
* With the gold of sunshine *

335
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:13,280
[ Earl Narrating ] Everybody
can feel trapped sometimes
in their everyday lives.

336
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,448
But when you lose
your everyday life,

337
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,050
well, that can sometimes
become your best fantasy.

338
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,287
* For your steps alone *

339
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:26,493
"And that's what I would do
if I could do anything
in the world."

340
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:30,697
[ Narrating ] I didn't think
it was gonna be that great,
but people seemed to like it.

341
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,132
Tell again the part
about how the wings tasted.

342
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,668
Sure. Uh--

343
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,571
"The wings were not hot,
but spicy.

344
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:42,475
And the celery was warm
and bendy, like I like it."

345
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,511
* Then who's to guide you *

346
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:49,248
* If I knew the way *

347
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:50,983
* I would take you home **