1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:03,671
MY NAME IS EARL.

2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:08,142
[ Earl Narrating ] SUNDAY
AFTERNOONS IN CAMDEN COUNTY
ARE ALWAYS KINDA DEPRESSING.

3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,977
IN THE MORNING, RANDY
STARTS READING THE COMICS,

4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:13,881
BUT, BY MIDAFTERNOON,
HE FINISHES
AND STARTS TO GET BORED.

5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:18,419
ALSO, BY SUNDAY, THE CRAB SHACK
RUNS OUT OF THEIR FOOD SUPPLY
FOR THE WEEK.

6
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,788
JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL OUT
OF SEAFOOD AND MEAT.

7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:25,526
- I'LL HAVE
A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.
- WE'RE OUT OF BREAD AND CHEESE.

8
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:29,230
BASICALLY, WE'VE GOT
PICKLED EGGS AND A BASKET
OF THOSE LITTLE JELLIES.

9
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,565
NEED ANY MORE TIME?

10
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:36,504
** [ Rock, Indistinct ]
PLUS THE POOL CUES WERE BROKEN
FROM THE SATURDAY NIGHT FIGHTS.

11
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:40,508
THE PINBALL MACHINE SHORTED OUT
FROM BEING SPILLED ON,

12
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,576
AND THE VENDING MACHINES
WERE EMPTY TOO.

13
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,079
[ Synthesized Voice ]
YOU'RE OUT OF MENTHOLS.

14
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:48,015
AND MOTHERS WHO'D LEFT
THEIR KIDS WITH GRANDMA
ON SATURDAY NIGHT...

15
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,084
WERE DREADIN'
PICKING 'EM UP.

16
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:53,287
I KNOW I SAID 3:00, MOM,
BUT I'M STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

17
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,323
OH, MY GOD.
SOME GUY JUST CUT ME OFF.

18
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,592
PICK A LANE!
HANG UP
AND DRIVE, BITCH.

19
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,894
GOTTA GO.
I'LL BE THERE
AT 5:00, MOM.

20
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,197
NICE ACTIN', TIM.
YOU STILL GOT IT.

21
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,567
AND SINCE THE KEGS WERE EMPTY
AND ONLY SERVING FOAM,

22
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,770
PEOPLE SOBERED UP
AND WERE FORCED TO TAKE
A HARD LOOK AT THEIR LIVES.

23
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:14,408
I SHOULD'VE JOINED THE NAVY
WHILE I WAS YOUNG
AND ATTRACTIVE.

24
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:18,346
WHY DIDN'T I MOVE
OUTTA THE WAY WHEN SHE
THREW THAT BOWLING BALL?

25
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,749
WHAT HAVE I DONE
WITH MY LIFE?

26
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,884
I'VE GOT A MASTER'S DEGREE.

27
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:27,121
YEP. SUNDAYS WERE ROUGH.
BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE--

28
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:31,259
ABOUT EVERY FIVE MONTHS OR SO--
SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN
THAT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

29
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,395
OH, MY GOD. IT'S COMIN' ON.
IT'S COMIN' ON RIGHT NOW!

30
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:38,799
RANDY WAS TALKIN' ABOUT
A RERUN OF A TV SHOW
FROM 2003.

31
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,969
A FEW YEARS BACK,
A TV SHOW CAME TO FILM
IN CAMDEN COUNTY,

32
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,071
AND WE WERE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE ON IT.

33
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,207
- ** [ Theme Plays ]
- [ Crowd ]
* BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS *

34
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:48,542
* WHAT YOU GONNA DO *

35
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,179
* WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU **

36
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,615
[ TV Announcer ] ALL SUSPECTS
ARE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN
GUILTY IN A COURT OF LAW.

37
00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:00,888
WE'RE ON OUR WAY
TO PIMMIT HILLS TRAILER PARK.
WE GO THERE A LOT.

38
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,058
THIS IS A DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE.
IT'S USUALLY THE HICKEYS.

39
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,196
FINE! IF YOU'D RATHER HANG OUT
WITH YOUR BIG IDIOT BROTHER
INSTEAD OF ME, GO AHEAD.

40
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,199
I HOPE YOU ENJOY
LICKIN' THE MASSAGE JELLY
OFF OF HIS THIGHS.

41
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:15,169
THAT'S THE PEACH FLAVOR.
COME ON, BABY.
ME AND RANDY GOT THINGS TO DO.

42
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:19,740
[ Police Radio, Indistinct ]
OH, COME ON.
WHO CALLED THE COPS?

43
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,010
I WISH YOU NOSY BASTARDS
WOULD LEARN TO MIND
YOUR OWN BUS--

44
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,978
OW!
[ Bleeps ]
THAT'S PEPPERMINT.

45
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,947
I HOPE YOU FOUND IT
REFRESHING.

46
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,783
MA'AM, WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO CALL A DOMESTIC COUNSELOR
FOR YOU?

47
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,153
HEY, THEY GOT CAMERAS.
ARE WE ON COPS?

48
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:36,924
I LOVE THAT SHOW.
* BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHO YOU GONNA CALL *

49
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,993
WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE CAUSE
OF THE ARGUMENT?

50
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,662
I SPENT $46
ON ROMANTIC NOVELTIES,

51
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,532
AND MY HUSBAND WANTS
TO GO OUT STEALIN'
WITH HIS BROTHER.

52
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,901
UH, SHE DOESN'T MEAN
STEALIN' STEALIN'.
[ Mouthing Words ]

53
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:52,673
SHE'S FROM CANADA,
AND "STEALIN'" MEANS WORKING
AND OBEYING THE LAW. EH?

54
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,042
HEY, I'VE NEVER BEEN
ON TV BEFORE.

55
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,011
YOU GUYS AREN'T DOIN'
THAT BLURRY THING
ON MY FACE, ARE YOU?

56
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,947
[ Bowden ]
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?

57
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,383
UH, COLLECTIBLES.

58
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,585
GARAGE DOOR OPENERS?

59
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:09,189
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT A RASH
OF GARAGE ROBBERIES LATELY?

60
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,593
- * HUH! BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHAT YOU GONNA DO *
- HEY! HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE!

61
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,229
STOP RIGHT THERE!
LATER, PIG!

62
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,799
* BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHAT YOU GONNA DO *

63
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,403
* WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU **
[ Bicycle Crashes ]

64
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,612
STUART DANIELS.
CAMDEN COUNTY POLICE OFFICER.

65
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,582
FOUR-YEAR VETERAN
OF THE FORCE.

66
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:39,019
MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER:
553-- [ Bleeps ] 62.

67
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,021
[ Female Dispatcher
On Police Radio ]
ALL UNITS. ALL UNITS.

68
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:44,492
BE ON THE LOOKOUT
FOR A WHITE MALE--
[ Clicks Off ]

69
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,129
YEAH, IT'S A GOOD JOB.
GOOD PENSION.

70
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,466
DON'T REALLY LIKE
GETTIN' SHOT AT,
BUT, UH, I DO GET DENTAL.

71
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,535
SEE THAT?
SEE THIS?

72
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:58,939
- PORCELAIN VENEERS.
- OFFICER! OFFICER!

73
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,646
OH, MY GOD. DID SOMEONE
JUST DO THAT TO YOU?

74
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,882
ARE THEY STILL AROUND?
NO, OFFICER,
IT'S NOT MY LEG.

75
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,885
IT'S THE JACKASS WHO WON'T
GET OFF HIS FRONT LAWN!

76
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,787
ROGER THAT.

77
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:19,259
YOU'RE GOIN' TO JAIL,
DONNY!

78
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,228
SIR, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

79
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:24,465
UH-UH. I'M A FREE AMERICAN.

80
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,634
MY-- [ Bleeps ]
GRANDADDY...

81
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,003
FOUGHT FOR MY-- [ Bleeps ]
RIGHT TO BE-- [ Bleeps ]
NAKED...

82
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,706
ON MY-- [ Bleeps ] LAWN.

83
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,942
SIR, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAR
YOU'RE REFERRING TO,

84
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,977
BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO GET SOME CLOTHES ON.

85
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,879
** [ Car Radio:
Man Singing Rock ]

86
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,117
STAY AWAY, SIR.
THIS IS POLICE BUSINESS.

87
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,287
- WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
- UH, NOTHIN'.
JUST SOME ROCKS.

88
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,823
SEE?
[ Rattling ]

89
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,795
UH-HUH. UH--
THAT'S WEIRD.

90
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,764
[ Chuckles ]

91
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,334
HEY, OFFICER.
HOW'S THIS?

92
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,436
I GOT ON MY SNAKE PANTS.

93
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,406
- DO A SPIN FOR ME.
- [ Scoffs ]

94
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,342
OKAY?

95
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,178
- EH, GOOD ENOUGH.
- THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

96
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,748
** [ Radio Continues ]

97
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,651
** [ Background: Loud Rap ]

98
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,723
THANK THE GOOD LORD
YOU'RE HERE.

99
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:25,225
YOU CAN'T HEAR YOURSELF
THINK, IT'S SO LOUD.

100
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,561
NOW, I WAS GONNA--

101
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:30,531
MY GOODNESS.
THERE'S CAMERAS? HOLD ON.

102
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,171
COME WITH ME.

103
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:42,810
NOW YOU CAN HEAR IT
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE APARTMENT.

104
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:48,081
WE JUST MOVED TO TOWN,
AND I HAVEN'T GOTTEN
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP YET.

105
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,853
MA'AM, WHOSE BEDROOM
IS THIS?

106
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,223
OH, THAT'S MY GRANDSON'S.
HE'S WONDERFUL WITH PLANTS.

107
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,427
DIFFERENT PEOPLE
PAGE HIM ALL DAY LONG
JUST TO COME AND SEE THEM.

108
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,595
[ Toilet Flushes ]

109
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,533
IT'S ALL RIGHT, PEANUT.

110
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,768
I JUST CALLED THEM OVER HERE
ABOUT THAT MUSIC.

111
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:10,203
GO ON WITH YOUR
GARDENING, BABY.

112
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,507
[ Bowden ]
HEY! HEY!
STOP RIGHT THERE!

113
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:17,778
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Brakes Squeal ]

114
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,180
[ Police Radio, Indistinct ]
...MADE A TRAFFIC STOP.

115
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,783
...TRAFFIC
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

116
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,453
- [ Bell Chimes ]
- DROP YOUR WEAPON, VALI.

117
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,221
YOU STEAL MY BATTERY.
NO STEAL. STEAL.

118
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,090
AW, SWEET.
IT'S COPS AGAIN.

119
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,993
* BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHAT'S IT GONNA BE *

120
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,362
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOIN' ON HERE?

121
00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,230
THIS IS A BIG
MISUNDERSTANDIN', OFFICER.

122
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,967
UH, THESE BATTERIES
ARE "BUY ONE,
GET ONE FREE."

123
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,971
WE'RE NOT STEALING.
WE-WE'RE JUST TAKIN'
THE FREE ONES OUT TO THE CAR,

124
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,173
COMIN' BACK
TO BUY THE "BUY" ONES.
I SWEAR.

125
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,776
[ Clattering, Bumping ]
* Rubbing sticks
and stones together *

126
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:54,014
* Makes the sparks ignite
And the thought of rubbing you
is getting so exciting *

127
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,949
* Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight *

128
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,486
[ Bell Chimes ]
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

129
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,391
* Afternoon delight *

130
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,760
- [ Grunts ]
- RANDY, LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

131
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,262
HEY! HEY, WAIT!
OW! OW!

132
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,298
DID YOU GET THAT?
WHOO-HOO!

133
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,867
HEY!
[ Groaning ]

134
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,539
* Afternoon delight **

135
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,908
[ Female Dispatcher ]
60130 ON TACH 2.

136
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,880
[ Dispatcher ] THAT'S NEGATIVE.
[ Bowman ] WE'RE HEADED
BACK TO PIMMIT HILLS.

137
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,316
SOMETHING ABOUT
THESE TRAILER PARK PEOPLE.

138
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,520
WHEN THEY GET AGITATED,
THEY LIKE TO CLIMB UP
ON THINGS.

139
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,889
ROOFS, TREES, WATER TOWERS.
LOT OF THEM FALL OFF.

140
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,626
[ Crowd Shouting,
Cheering ]

141
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,362
MA'AM! MA'AM!

142
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,397
I NEED YOU
TO COME DOWN FROM THERE.

143
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,035
I'LL COME DOWN WHEN I'M DONE
BUSTIN' UP MY HUSBAND'S STUFF
OR WHEN I HAVE TO PEE.

144
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,672
- MEANWHILE, HEADS UP.
- [ Shouting, Cheering ]

145
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:57,277
FOLKS! FOLKS!
PLEASE DON'T
ENCOURAGE HER.

146
00:07:57,344 --> 00:08:00,013
THIS IS A DANGEROUS
SITUATION.
SHE MIGHT FALL.

147
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,584
[ Chanting ]
FALL! FALL!
FALL! FALL!

148
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:05,586
HEY, EVERYBODY.
TAKE A STEP BACK.

149
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:08,622
GETTIN' READY TO THROW
THIS BOWLIN' BALL DOWN ON
THAT DEF LEPPARD WALL MIRROR.

150
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,558
A PIECE MIGHT SHATTER OFF
AND HIT YOU IN THE FACE.

151
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,093
[ Chattering ]

152
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:18,365
[ Screaming, Groaning ]

153
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,801
OH, SNAP.

154
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:25,205
- [ Brakes Squealing ]
- THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS A FEW
HOURS AFTER THE BARS OPEN.

155
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,275
THE DRUNK DRIVERS COME OUT.
[ Police Radio, Indistinct ]

156
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,210
[ Tires Squealing ]
WELL.

157
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:34,114
DOES THAT SAY "STAR POWER"?

158
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,049
OH! YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?

159
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,019
YEAH. CAMDEN HAS A CELEBRITY
LIVING IN ITS MIDST.

160
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:43,256
IT'S THE ACTOR
FROM SON OF THE BEACH--
TV'S TIM STACK.

161
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,125
[ Siren Wails, Stops ]

162
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,533
[ Door Opens ]

163
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,941
MR. STACK.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

164
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,076
GOOD EVENING,
MY GOOD MAN.

165
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,846
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
OF COURSE I DO,
MR. STACK.

166
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,917
I'M TV'S TIM STACK FROM MOVIES
AND BASIC CABLE TELEVISION.

167
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,385
SIXTY-TWO ITEMS
ON MY IMDB PAGE.

168
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,288
SIXTY-TWO.
BUT THEY SCREWED ME.

169
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:19,392
THEY COUNTED
MY QUINCY TWO-PARTER
AS ONE THING.

170
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,629
CAN I SHOOT SOMETHING
WITH YOUR GUN?
YOU KNOW WHAT--

171
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:24,131
MR. STACK,
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

172
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,968
MR. STACK?
NO.

173
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:31,238
OKAY. THAT'S
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

174
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,373
YOU HAVE
A SAFE DRIVE HOME.

175
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,509
HE WAS ON PUNKY BREWSTER,
SO HE'S A HERO TO ME.

176
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,445
I GIVE HIM A LITTLE LEEWAY.

177
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:42,082
BESIDES,
IT'S A STRAIGHT SHOT HOME
ONCE HE PASSES THE SCHOOL.

178
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,652
[ School Bell Rings ]

179
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,689
[ Children Shouting,
Chattering ]

180
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,158
[ Tires Screech ]

181
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,761
[ Brakes Squeal ]

182
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,830
YOU STUCK AGAIN, PATTY?

183
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,566
NO. I'M JUST TRYIN'
TO GET MY HAND COLD...

184
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,935
FOR A CLIENT
WHO'S INTO DEAD PEOPLE.

185
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,904
[ Man ] GET OUTTA MY FACE!
[ Synthesized Voice ]
NO, YOU--

186
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,139
NO, YOU GET OUTTA MY FACE!
GET OUT OF MY FACE.

187
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,308
MAKE HIM
GET AWAY FROM ME!
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

188
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,378
HE TRICKED ME
INTO EATING PORK.
IT'S AGAINST MY RELIGION.

189
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,213
HA, HA, HA, HA.

190
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,182
[ Clears Throat ]
CAMERA.
IT'S NOT FUNNY.

191
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:19,687
- HA, HA, HA, HA.
- STOP! YOU FOOL!

192
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,059
I-I CAN'T HEAR YOU
WITHOUT THE THING.

193
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,996
I HEARD YOU GUYS
WERE IN TOWN FILMIN'.

194
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,131
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME
I'VE BEEN ON TV.

195
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:35,035
I HAD A CLIENT THAT TOOK ME
TO A WRESTLIN' MATCH.
WE SAT ON THE FIFTH ROW.

196
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:38,571
THEY PUT ME ON TV
WHEN I GOT HIT BY A CHAIR.

197
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:42,142
I'M ROLLIN' UP ON AN 11-83.

198
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:51,284
[ Police Radio, Indistinct ]

199
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,123
[ Thumping ]

200
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,430
SIR, ARE YOU OKAY?

201
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,532
AND HELLO TO YOU TOO.

202
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,868
I'D LIKE
A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, PLEASE.

203
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,972
HOLA, BABY.
YOU LOOKIN' FOR A FIESTA?

204
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,174
I STILL GOT ONE FREE HAND.

205
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,143
NO. GRACIAS.

206
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,681
WE'RE MOVIN' QUICK HERE.
I THINK IT'S A ROBBERY
IN PROGRESS.

207
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:25,618
AND IT'S IN A GARAGE,
SO IT MIGHT BE OUR FRIEND
FROM THE TRAILER PARK.

208
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,721
[ Dispatcher ]
3:56.

209
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:32,392
A 2-40 OCCURRED
APPROXIMATELY
15 MINUTES AGO.

210
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,896
OKAY, FREEZE!

211
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,533
OH, NO. UH, THI-THIS--
THIS ISN'T A ROBBERY.

212
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,536
I'M JUST CLEANIN' MY GARAGE,
'CAUSE THIS IS MY HOME.

213
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,406
MAN, I LOVE STEALIN'.

214
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,308
OOPS.

215
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,415
HEY, CAN YOU CHASE ME?
'CAUSE THE CHASES
ALWAYS MAKE IT ON COPS.

216
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,718
BUT DON'T CHASE ME TOO HARD
'CAUSE I'M LOADED DOWN
WITH THIS TV.

217
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:02,022
[ Bowman, Earl Shouting ]
YOU PROBABLY CAN'T RUN SO FAST
CARRYING THAT CAMERA EITHER.

218
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,324
WANNA JUST PUT OUR STUFF DOWN
AND CHASE EACH OTHER?

219
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,731
[ Dispatcher ]
...USE CAUTION.

220
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,704
- ** [ Cops Theme ]
- HEY! HEY!
STOP RIGHT THERE!

221
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,607
- STOP! THAT'S MY CAR!
- HELL, YEAH!

222
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,943
WHO'S GOT A COP CAR?
WHO'S GOT A COP CAR?

223
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:26,246
BI-OTCH!
[ Imitating Siren ]

224
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,949
** [ Cops Theme Continues ]

225
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,786
- FREEZE!
- DON'T SHOOT!

226
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,588
I'M IN HERE!
DON'T SHOOT!

227
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,625
OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, MAN.
I-- I DIDN'T SEE YOU
BACK THERE.

228
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,862
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
KILL ME, ARE YOU?
I WASN'T PLANNIN' ON IT.

229
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,498
BUT THEN AGAIN, I WASN'T
PLANNIN' ON STEALIN'
A COP CAR TODAY EITHER.

230
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,869
TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU JUST KEEP FILMIN'.
WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES.

231
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:52,272
MAN, I FEEL ALIVE.
WHOO! KICK ASS!

232
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,976
I'M SO-- [ Bleeps ]

233
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,245
[ Man ]
UNIT 27. COPY.

234
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:05,218
- [ Police Radio, Indistinct ]
- ME AND MY WIFE ARE HAVIN'
A DOMESTIC SQUABBLE.

235
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:09,256
I GUESS SHE'S GOT
THE RIGHT TO BE MAD.
I SCREW UP A LOT.

236
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,358
BUT ONE DAY, I'M GONNA
GET MY LIFE TOGETHER.

237
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:15,562
BUT NOT TODAY, 'CAUSE TODAY
I'M DRIVING A STOLEN COP CAR.

238
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,465
HOW YOU DOIN' BACK THERE,
KEVIN? YOU SCARED?
A LITTLE.

239
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,500
THAT'S GOOD.
I LIKE THAT.

240
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,502
YOU GOT ANY KIDS, KEVIN?
THREE.

241
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,771
THEY ALL THE SAME COLOR?
YES.

242
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,540
NOT MINE.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WILD?

243
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,377
THE WHITE ONE'S
THE BETTER ATHLETE, AND
THE BLACK ONE'S A LITTLE GENIUS.

244
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,880
SURE TAUGHT ME A LESSON.

245
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,882
DAMN IT. MORE COPS?

246
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,985
Y'ALL DON'T QUIT
PICKIN' ON ME, I SWEAR
I'M GONNA GO RUBY RIDGE.

247
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,956
EARL. WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN'?

248
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,292
YOU SAID YOU WANTED
A DATE NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

249
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:48,996
WELL, YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS.
YOU STOLE ME
A POLICE CAR?

250
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,164
YEP. THERE'S A HOSTAGE
IN THE BACK TOO.

251
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,867
IF YOU SAY SOMETHIN' SCARY,
HE'LL SHOW YOU PICTURES
OF HIS KIDS.

252
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:57,104
THEY'RE CUTE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH,
BABY.

253
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,172
I AM GONNA-- [ Bleeps ]
YOUR-- [ Bleeping ]

254
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:02,175
WITH MY SWEET, SWEET,
SWEET LOVE-- [ Bleeping ]

255
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:05,879
SHH. YOU HAD ME AT "BALLS."

256
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,847
SO YOU'RE TAPIN' ALL THIS?

257
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,750
WHEN WE GET BACK,
WOULD YOU MIND FILMIN'
ME AND EARL-- YOU KNOW.

258
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,619
I ALREADY ASKED HIM.
HE'S COOL WITH IT.

259
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,122
I TOLD HIM NONE OF THAT
ARTSY "MOVIN' THE CAMERA"
STUFF.

260
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,490
- HE PROMISED TO KEEP IT
TIGHT ON THE BUSINESS.
- SWEET.

261
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:21,161
HEY, CRANK UP THE RADIO.
FIND SOME WU-TANG CLAN.

262
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:25,198
SINCE WHEN DO YOU
LIKE RAP MUSIC?
I'M NOT CHEATIN' ON YOU.

263
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,802
THIS IS KENNY JAMES'S HOUSE.

264
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,106
EVERY OTHER DAY, WE'RE
OUT HERE FOR SOMETHING,
EITHER US OR THE FIREMEN.

265
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,977
HE'S HAD TO BE REVIVED
BY THE LIFEGUARD, STEVE, AT
THE PUBLIC POOL BUNCH OF TIMES.

266
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,646
TALK ABOUT BAD LUCK.
KENNY.

267
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,781
** [ Background: Light Jazz ]
OH. HI, STUART.

268
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,783
I MADE OATMEAL RAISIN,
YOUR FAVORITE.

269
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,119
A-A CAMERA?
YEAH. WE'RE ON COPS.

270
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,355
SO YOU HAD
ANOTHER BREAK-IN?
UH--

271
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,093
OH, DAMN.
A BROKEN WINDOW.

272
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,896
MAN, KENNY, SOMEBODY'S
REALLY GOT IT IN FOR YOU.

273
00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:01,234
OH, THAT'S ODD.
ALL THE BROKEN GLASS
SEEMS TO BE ON THE OUTSIDE.

274
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,271
HMM.

275
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,342
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HAND?

276
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,080
OH, UH-- UH, THAT'S FROM, UH,
DOING IT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

277
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,983
YEAH, WE DO IT A LOT.
SHE LOVES IT-- DOING IT.

278
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:18,551
YOU KNOW,
HETEROSEXUAL DOING IT.

279
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:22,422
SORRY TO HAVE TAKEN YOUR TIME.
YOU GUYS CAN, UH,
JUST HEAD ON OUT.

280
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:26,093
WELL, IF THIS HARASSMENT
KEEPS UP, I'LL HAVE
TO DO A WEEKEND STAKEOUT.

281
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,128
I'LL RENT A MOVIE.

282
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,530
[ Siren Wailing ]

283
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:33,266
WATCH THIS.

284
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:37,137
[ Over Speaker ]
WOULD THE DRIVER PLEASE
STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE?

285
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,177
OH, CRAP!
THAT'S MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

286
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,213
SHE CAN'T SEE ME.
SHE THINKS I'M DEAD.

287
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:49,182
OH, HELL, YEAH.
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

288
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:53,153
SLUT, PUT YOUR HANDS
ON THE VEHICLE
AND SPREAD YOUR LEGS.

289
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,755
I'M SURE THAT'S NOT
GONNA BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU.

290
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,291
I'M NOT A SLUT.
I'VE ONLY SLEPT
WITH ONE GUY.

291
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,527
THAT WAS ME.
I HIT THAT.

292
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,630
MA'AM, YOUR APPEARANCE
APPEARS TO BE DRUNKEN.

293
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,932
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU
A FIELD SOBRIETY TEST.

294
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,468
I'M NOT DRUNK.
WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

295
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,638
IF YOU FAIL THE SOBRIETY TEST,
WE'RE GONNA SHOOT YOU
IN THE FACE.

296
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:15,442
- OH, BUT I--
- HOP ON ONE FOOT
IN A STRAIGHT LINE...

297
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,345
WHILE TOUCHING YOUR FINGERS
TO YOUR NOSE.

298
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,384
[ Siren Wails, Stops ]

299
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,920
[ Crying ]
OKAY. I WAS AT CHURCH
FOR A WEDDING.

300
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,856
I HAD TWO SIPS OF CHAMPAGNE.

301
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:32,359
I DIDN'T WANT TO,
BUT IT WAS SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL TOAST.

302
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,594
PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME
IN THE FACE!

303
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,168
AT THIS POINT,
I'M ON FOOT PATROL,

304
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,670
SINCE MY SQUAD CAR
GOT STOLEN.

305
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,772
I HAVEN'T CALLED IT IN YET,
'CAUSE I WAS THINKIN'...

306
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:49,709
THAT THE PERP
MIGHT GET COLD FEET
AND JUST SHOW UP ANY SECOND.

307
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:57,184
YEAH, I THINK I'M GONNA
HAVE TO CALL IT IN.

308
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,752
HEADQUARTERS,
THIS IS OFFICER--

309
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,857
HEY! HEY! FREEZE!

310
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:08,095
IT'S THAT GUY
FROM THIS MORNING--
MARIJUANA MAN!

311
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,234
[ Dogs Barking In Distance ]

312
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,382
[ Clicks On ]

313
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,057
[ Clicks Off ]

314
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,760
IS THERE A PROBLEM,
OFFICER?

315
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,263
WE'VE LOCATED THE SUSPECT.

316
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,967
[ Whimpering ]
WHEN I CAME UP HERE,

317
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:50,036
I WAS JUST A'SCARED
OF GOIN' TO JAIL,

318
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,071
BUT I DON'T CARE
ABOUT JAIL ANYMORE.

319
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,040
I JUST DON'T WANNA FALL.
I DON'T WANNA FALL.

320
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,443
IT'S GONNA HURT.
IT'S GONNA HURT.

321
00:17:56,509 --> 00:18:00,213
IT'S GONNA HURT.
[ Crying, Whimpering ]

322
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,315
IT'S GONNA HURT.

323
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,718
WE GOT A CALL
ON AN ABANDONED POLICE CAR.

324
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,620
I'M GONNA GO CHECK IT OUT.

325
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,528
GOD, I LOVE KISSIN' YOU
IN A STOLEN GOVERNMENT VEHICLE
WHILE SOMEONE FILMS IT.

326
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,798
I KNOW.
THIS COULD BECOME A HABIT.

327
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,000
[ Tapping ]
COPS.

328
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,035
[ Yelps ]

329
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,672
FREEZE! POLICE!

330
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,807
FREEZE!
[ Grunts ]

331
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,644
OKAY. FREEZE! FREEZE!
[ Groaning ]
OH, GOD! I SKINNED MY PECKER.

332
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:34,414
HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
I'M TOO SCARED TO LOOK.

333
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,749
PLEASE TELL ME IF IT'S BAD.
IS IT BAD?

334
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,887
OH, THAT'S A LOT
OF GRAVEL.

335
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,789
[ Shrieks, Groans ]

336
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:47,160
STOP CHASIN' ME, KEVIN!
COME ON, MAN. BE COOL.

337
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,296
I'M NOT MESSIN' AROUND,
KEVIN.

338
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,500
[ Grunts, Groans ]
YOU MADE ME DO IT,
KEVIN!

339
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,568
UNIT 12. UNIT 12.
I NEED ASSISTANCE.

340
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,805
I GOT A PERP
WITH A BLOODY WIENER
IN THE BACK OF MY CAR,

341
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:01,441
AND I GOT A CAMERAMAN DOWN.

342
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,143
[ Police Radio, Indistinct ]

343
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,990
PLEASE DON'T TAKE HER.

344
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:21,328
[ Whimpering, Crying ]
I'M SCARED.

345
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:25,632
FIREMEN TRIED TO GET HIM DOWN
WITH A LADDER, BUT HE BIT
A COUPLE GUYS.

346
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,368
SO, PLAN "B."

347
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,903
[ Whimpering Continues ]

348
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,615
[ Whimpers, Groans ]

349
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,587
- * BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS
WHAT YOU GONNA DO *
- [ Dispatcher, Indistinct ]

350
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,790
- * WHAT YOU GONNA DO
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU **
- [ All Cheering ]

351
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:56,729
[ Earl Narrating ] SOME PEOPLE
MIGHT NOT APPRECIATE BEING
SHOWN ON TV THE WAY WE WERE,

352
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,599
BUT, FOR FOLKS LIKE US,
THAT DIDN'T MATTER.

353
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,634
'CAUSE EVERY TIME
OUR COPS COMES ON,

354
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,837
WE'RE TREATED LIKE CELEBRITIES
FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.

355
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:08,007
WE FEEL SPECIAL,
AND THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
FEELIN' A LITTLE SPECIAL...

356
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,677
TO BRIGHTEN UP
A BORING SUNDAY,

357
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:14,581
EVEN IF IT DID REMIND ME
OF A FEW THINGS I NEEDED
TO PUT ON MY LIST.

358
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,849
* BAD BOYS
WHAT YOU DO IS WHAT YOU SEE *

359
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,486
* AND THAT IS
JUST LITTLE OLD ME *

360
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,422
* NOBODY CAN EAT NO STEAKS *

361
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,491
* POLICE DON'T EAT NO STEAKS *

362
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,694
* EVEN THE SOLDIER
DOESN'T GET NO STEAKS *

363
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,729
* SOME-- **
[ Sniffs ]