1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,671 You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things... 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,674 and then wonders why his life sucks? 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:11,112 Well, that was me. Every time somethin' good happened to me, 4 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,247 somethin' bad was always waitin' around the corner. 5 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,051 Karma. 6 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,187 That's when I realized I had to change. 7 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,357 So I made a list of everything bad I've ever done, 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,360 and, one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. 9 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,329 I'm just tryin' to be a better person. 10 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,364 My name is Earl. 11 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,602 [ Earl Narrating ] Sometimes after a rain, Randy likes to come down... 12 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,804 to where the storm drain lets out into the river... 13 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,273 and look for what he calls treasure. 14 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:46,414 Another doll's head, Earl! That makes four. 15 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,217 Just think, if these were real heads, this would be a terrible day. 16 00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:52,586 Nice haul so far. 17 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,756 Got a key chain, a baseball, 52 cents. 18 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,461 What's this, bacon? I think so. 19 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,430 You're keeping bacon? I like thinking about... 20 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,633 the journey it must've taken to get here. 21 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,570 Oh, man! The stain remover got away. 22 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:12,506 [ Earl Narrating ] Catalina had come along to do the motel washing. 23 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,343 That way she could keep the money the manager gave her for the Laundromat. 24 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:18,579 Get it, Earl. I need it for the sheets. I got it. 25 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:33,427 - I'll be damned. - Oh, no. It's the badge. 26 00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,297 I can't believe it found its way back to us. 27 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,832 It's like one of them crazy-ass Australian wooden Frisbees. 28 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,902 Get rid of it, Earl. I'm not just getting rid of it, Randy. 29 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,738 This badge is on a journey too, just like that bacon. 30 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,475 And I gotta help it find its way to where it needs to go. 31 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,810 [ Earl Narrating ] The badge had entered our lives a few years ago... 32 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,913 as we were enjoying America's favorite pastime. 33 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,584 [ Snickering, Laughing ] 34 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:06,527 And, after we bowled, we enjoyed our favorite pastime-- stealing. 35 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,863 We discovered that when people bowl, they stash their wallets... 36 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,632 and other cool stuff in their street shoes. 37 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,206 The only valuables you should ever keep in your shoes are your feet. 38 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,513 What kind of kid puts acorns in his shoes? 39 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:29,883 A squirrel kid might, except a squirrel kid doesn't wear shoes. 40 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,952 Unless-- No, even then it wouldn't. 41 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,887 Ow. 42 00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,398 That's a policeman's badge, Earl. 43 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,567 Shut up, dummy. He knows what it is. 44 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,870 What are you gonna do, Earl? That's a policeman's badge. 45 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,806 [ Earl Narrating ] Joy was right, and so was Randy. 46 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,544 We stole a badge from a cop, and that could lead to all kinds of trouble. 47 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,812 We gotta get rid of it. Ma'am, excuse me. 48 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,516 - Can we get our check, please? - Oh, sure. 49 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,221 Oh, that's okay, Officer. 50 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,956 There's no charge for police. 51 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:25,439 [ Earl Narrating ] Getting free pie in a world without free pie was pretty cool. 52 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,276 Hey! 53 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,811 What the hell are you doing towing a car with the American flag on it? 54 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,746 Are you part Taliban? 55 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,583 [ Earl Narrating ] But what was even cooler than getting free pie... 56 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,518 was stopping a car from being towed. 57 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:41,489 Excuse me. Sorry, boss. 58 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,625 [ Earl Narrating ] That's when I realized I had something I did not wanna part with. 59 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,661 Something I never had before-- power. 60 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,668 And it turned out having power was a lot of fun. 61 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,971 It made life easier. 62 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,041 Knowing I had that badge in my pocket meant I knew I could do no wrong. 63 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,744 No matter what kind of mess I got myself in, 64 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,647 the badge was always there to bail me out. 65 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,450 I was really enjoying being on the force. 66 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,586 I couldn't even remember how I used to live without a police badge. 67 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:23,864 And I wasn't the only one enjoying the power of the badge. 68 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:28,402 It's 1:00 a.m. Do you mind? This is a police operation, sir. 69 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,871 Would you like to go to jail... in South America? 70 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,745 [ Earl Narrating ] The more we used the badge, the more comfortable we became... 71 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,713 pretending to be the police. 72 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:52,059 [ Siren Wailing ] 73 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,428 Ma'am, we saw you steal an alarm clock, 74 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,964 seven CDs and a tube of hemorrhoid cream. 75 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,600 I use that for my puffy eyes, Mr. Nosy. 76 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,069 Somebody call the cops? 77 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:06,574 - Wow, that was quick. - We got a really fast car with lights on the roof. 78 00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:10,077 Let's go, female thief. You got some explaining to do. 79 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,015 Did you get me that stapler? Got it. 80 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,786 Evidence. 81 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:24,858 [ Earl Narrating ] Yep, there was no end to what we could do. 82 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,294 We were finally living in a world of free pie. 83 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:36,136 But, after a while, the power of the badge started getting too dangerous. 84 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,640 Okay, listen up! I want all the liquor in this bar... 85 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,810 loaded into my truck, and everyone's gotta help carry. 86 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,945 Except the ladies. [ Scoffs ] 87 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,881 They need to take their shirts off and slap each other. 88 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,618 [ Earl Narrating ] Creepy Rodney. No one liked Rodney. 89 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,753 He was the worse kind of thief. 90 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,856 The kind that steals from other thieves... and doesn't shower. 91 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,726 Wow. When did Rodney become a cop? 92 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,699 Uh-oh. 93 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,839 Can I have five lottery tickets, please? 94 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,941 It's part of an investigation. 95 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:17,377 And a sour pickle? We're looking into those too. 96 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,155 Hey, buddy. How's the scratching going? 97 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,591 You know, they say it's all the same, 98 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:34,562 but I really think side to side is faster than up and down. 99 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,664 Wow. That's interesting. 100 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,633 I'll see you later. 101 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,202 Free ticket! Free ticket! Free ticket! 102 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,205 Sir, I won! I won! I get to scratch again! 103 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,742 If you don't want to slap each other, you can take turns kissing me. 104 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,014 Hey, Rodney, you're not a cop. 105 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,784 Cops don't sell fake watches out of their trucks. 106 00:06:56,817 --> 00:07:00,821 Damn it! I thought that said "Cucci." 107 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:05,158 I'm gonna use this for hassling white people to make up for 300 years of racial injustice. 108 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,461 Or maybe I'll just use it for Halloween. 109 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,663 Sorry, Darnell. That's ours. 110 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,933 But if it makes you feel any better, I'll use it to hassle some white people. 111 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,703 The hell makes you think you're gonna use it anymore? 112 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,938 You're the one that got our stolen badge stolen. 113 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:21,475 Look, I found it. It's mine. And nobody can use it anymore except me. 114 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,811 Oh, hell, no. Let go, Joy! 115 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,814 No! Let go! I want it! 116 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,717 You let go! No! You let go! 117 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:32,085 [ Earl Narrating ] It was then and there we knew the badge was too powerful. 118 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,655 It had turned us against each other. 119 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:39,693 We had to get rid of it before it destroyed us. 120 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,569 But karma didn't want me to get rid of it. 121 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,872 Karma wanted me to give it back. 122 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,074 Number 127 on my list-- 123 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,544 stole a badge from a police officer. 124 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:04,585 The tricky thing about returning a police badge that you stole is... 125 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,520 if you're honest, you go to jail. 126 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,589 I don't like jail. 127 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,624 Well, hello there, uh, lady Officer. 128 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:13,160 Uh, I was out abiding laws today, 129 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,530 and I stumbled upon this badge and would like to return it... 130 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,767 to, uh, the policeman or woman... 131 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,104 from whence it dropped... 132 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:28,108 off of, indeed. 133 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,579 Oh, I can't believe this. 134 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,748 Hey, guys, look whose badge just walked in. 135 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:37,050 [ Earl Narrating ] It turned out the four lady cops were sisters, 136 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,687 and their brother was also on the force. 137 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,089 A brother who kept his badge in his street shoes when he bowled, 138 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:45,726 because the sharp edges poked him on his follow-through. 139 00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:49,062 As soon as he saw his shoes were gone, his heart sunk. 140 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,701 You see, one of the most embarrassing things... 141 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,770 that can happen to a police officer is to lose his badge. 142 00:08:56,804 --> 00:09:00,273 It's even more embarrassing when your fellow officers are your sisters, 143 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:06,246 and the captain of the precinct happens to be your mother. 144 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:14,021 "Stud Police." Where did you get that? 145 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,956 Spencer's Gifts. When? 146 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,993 After I lost mine... two weeks ago. 147 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,830 [ Sighs ] I love you, Mom. 148 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,169 I mean, Captain. 149 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,639 [ Earl Narrating ] After we stole Stuart's badge, he got demoted... 150 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,774 to the worst post a cop can have-- 151 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,809 watching a highway rest stop. 152 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:41,214 There's no toilet paper in the ladies' bathroom. 153 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,017 [ Sighs ] I'm sorry, ma'am. That's not my jurisdiction. 154 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:47,354 I'm a policeman, not a janitor. I'm here for crimes. 155 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,857 Fine. Then the toilet paper's been stolen. 156 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,059 I'd like to file a report. 157 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,068 Just take one roll. 158 00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,807 The toilet's clogged up in here! 159 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,843 I'm not a janitor! But it's clogged! 160 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,290 [ Earl Narrating ] Seeing Stuart so humiliated made me realize... 161 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:26,760 I didn't just take away the man's badge, I took away his dignity. 162 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,329 I had to find a way to get him his career back. 163 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:32,065 We just need to make Stuart look like a good cop again. 164 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:35,836 You know, by, uh, catching a criminal or something. 165 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,371 [ Earl Narrating ] Luckily, finding a criminal in the Crab Shack wasn't hard. 166 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,746 Hey! What are you doing with my French fries? 167 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:49,082 Spit 'em out. Spit 'em out! 168 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:53,020 [ Earl Narrating ] Creepy Rodney. Perfect. 169 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:56,990 We had watched Officer Stuart and knew he was always at the diner at 4:30. 170 00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,728 All I had to do was bait the hook. 171 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:04,698 All right, here's the plan. We're gonna make a killin' on this robbery. 172 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,701 [ Earl Narrating ] We talked about how easy it was gonna be to rob the diner. 173 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:11,471 And we made sure Rodney heard that the job had to happen at 4:35. 174 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,108 'Cause that's when the old blind lady drags the sacks of money across the floor. 175 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,878 And, just so everyone knows we're serious, 176 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,013 we'll wave this baby around. 177 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,426 This is the best criminal plan you ever thought of, Earl. 178 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,196 Thank you, Randy. Now, as is customary, 179 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,032 before we pull off a big job, let's close our eyes and pray. 180 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:58,986 Good. He's got the gun. Nice acting, Randy. Randy? 181 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:03,023 And I want a puppy, but not just any puppy, a puppy that does tricks. 182 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,927 And please make it warmer in the motel at night, or at least let me find my thick socks. 183 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,363 And if it wouldn't freak people out too much, let me live forever. 184 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:14,067 - Amen. - We're not gettin' a puppy, Randy. 185 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:17,237 [ Earl Narrating ] The next day, the plan went like clockwork. 186 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,907 [ Bell Jingles ] 187 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,143 4:30. Right on time. 188 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:26,479 [ Earl Narrating ] And five minutes later-- 189 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,983 Perfect. You put blanks in Rodney's gun, right? 190 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,886 Yep. What about Officer Stuart's gun? 191 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,955 Does it have blanks too? 192 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:47,100 [ Gunshots ] [ People Screaming ] 193 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,804 [ Earl Narrating ] The plan didn't count on one thing: Rodney was at the center of it. 194 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:54,141 And Rodney was just insane enough to get himself killed. 195 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:58,311 - Everybody freeze! - [ Screaming ] 196 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:01,048 [ Screaming ] [ Gunshots ] 197 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,850 [ Gunshots Continue ] 198 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:07,921 [ Gun Clicking ] 199 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,991 Get out! Come on! [ Clamoring ] 200 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:15,228 [ Gun Clicking ] 201 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,397 [ Earl Narrating ] At that moment, I knew two things: 202 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,466 Making Stuart a hero wasn't gonna be easy, 203 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,235 and Rodney really, really needed to be in jail. 204 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,608 Maybe we could get Stuart to be a hero... 205 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,045 by throwin' him into that tank at the aquarium and makin' him wrestle an octopus. 206 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:35,048 That wouldn't make him a hero unless the octopus was committing a crime. 207 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,988 We're not gonna start thinking of ways to get an octopus to commit a crime, 208 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,056 'cause that has failure written all over it. 209 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,258 I can't believe this. 210 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,295 That grunt Rodney just got into my car and licked my steering wheel. 211 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,631 - How am I supposed to get home now? - Yeah, that is a pickle. 212 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,168 - I thought you guys were gonna get him put in jail. - We're trying. You wanna help? 213 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,442 So as people bowl, they're looking over here, 214 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:05,045 so we can steal their shoes, which are over here. 215 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,147 Then we'll be rich. Yeah. 216 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,582 Richer than "What You Talkin' 'Bout's" white daddy. 217 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,120 [ Earl Narrating ] This plan had to work. 218 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,489 I figured if Stuart wasn't comfortable enough to be a hero at the diner, 219 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,625 well, maybe he'd feel more comfortable in the place... 220 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,627 he spent most of all his free time-- 221 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,462 the bowling alley. 222 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,339 [ Man On P.A. ] Ed, line two. Ed, line two. 223 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:42,515 Help! Help! That man stole my shoes! 224 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,420 Police! Excuse me. 225 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,523 Do you know where I can find a policeman? I have been the victim of a crime. 226 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,561 [ Scoffs ] Forget it. 227 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,964 I gotta catch that moron before he starts lickin' my shoes. 228 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,505 What's wrong with you? Excuse me? 229 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,508 That man just stole people's shoes. You're a cop. Chase him. Take him down. 230 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:12,112 I'm not a cop. Yes, you are. 231 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,282 Your name is Officer Stuart Daniels. You work at a rest stop. 232 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,685 You got toilet paper in your trunk and a plunger under your seat. 233 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,488 All right, all right. I'm a cop, okay? Just not a very good one. 234 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,157 Now, leave me alone. I came here to bowl. 235 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,459 If I wanted to get yelled at, I'd go to my mom's. 236 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,264 [ Earl Narrating ] I caught up with Stuart, 237 00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:35,002 and, thinking I was just a fellow bowler, he let me buy him some pie. 238 00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,471 I love pie. And as people do when they eat pie, we talked. 239 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:42,409 He told me a story. Apparently, being a cop wasn't Stuart's idea. 240 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:47,147 [ Handcuffs Clicking ] 241 00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,484 It was his mom's. 242 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,991 And even though being a cop was in his blood, 243 00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:00,160 it just wasn't in his heart. 244 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,974 The only time he felt good about himself was when he was bowling. 245 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:28,688 [ Bowling Pins Clattering ] 246 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:32,492 And he should have felt good, 'cause he was the best around. 247 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:36,096 The only thing I ever really wanted to be was a professional bowler. 248 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:38,098 [ Earl Narrating ] And that's when I realized, 249 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,267 karma brought me here to help Stuart's career, 250 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,302 but not his police career. 251 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,072 Then that's what you should do. What? 252 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,340 Be a pro bowler. [ Scoffs ] Yeah. 253 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,642 I mean it. You only got one life, Stuart. 254 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,445 You may as well spend it doing what you love. 255 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,647 Besides, you're a much better bowler than you are a cop. 256 00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,717 I suck at police work. Plus, I have to pay... 257 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,752 for that toilet paper I give away at the rest stop. 258 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,222 I don't really think that's fair. 259 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:10,130 You know what? Why not? I'm gonna go for it. 260 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,599 I'm gonna quit the force and try to become a professional bowler. 261 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:16,236 Good for you, Stuart. 262 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:19,472 [ Earl Narrating ] I may not have gotten Stuart his police career back, 263 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,175 but maybe that's not what karma had in mind. 264 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,312 He finally decided to do what he wanted with his life. 265 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:29,249 And so, I could cross him off my list. What's that? 266 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,820 Aw, what the hell? You're not gonna be a cop anymore. 267 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:38,491 I was the one who stole your badge. 268 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,128 [ Earl Narrating ] And so, I told him about my list... 269 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,496 and showed him all the bad things I'd done. 270 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:49,269 Wow. There's a crime on here. A couple felonies. 271 00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,439 This list is like a confession. I guess it is. 272 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:56,809 But one by one, I'm crossing 'em off, and one day I'll have a better life. 273 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,546 W-What are you doing? I'm arresting you. 274 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,815 But you're gonna be a pro bowler. Bowlers don't arrest people. 275 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,718 They bowl. They-They bowl and people cheer. What about your dream? 276 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,788 That's the problem. It's just a dream. This list is real. 277 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:12,125 I turn you in, and not only do I get to stop working at the rest stop, 278 00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,893 they might even make me lieutenant. 279 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,163 But-- But you-- But-- 280 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:19,532 [ Earl Narrating ] I couldn't believe it. I was going to jail. 281 00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:23,636 I was finally gonna pay the ultimate price for all the bad things I've done. 282 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:28,341 Karma had a plan for me, and if this was it, I wasn't gonna fight it. 283 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,377 I was ready to face the music. [ Mouthing Words ] 284 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,715 My feet, on the other hand, had a different opinion. 285 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,332 [ Bowling Pins Clattering ] [ Grunting ] 286 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,610 Look, do me a favor. 287 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,846 Don't tell my new cell mate how you took me down. 288 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,317 [ Handcuffs Clicking ] What are you doing? 289 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,622 When you ran away, I didn't reach for my gun. 290 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,558 I reached for my bowling ball. 291 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,427 I'm a bowler, Earl. 292 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,934 Well, then, you should take this. 293 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,805 Thank you. You should take this. 294 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:35,508 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! No. 295 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,745 Maybe you should hang onto this. They may want you to turn it in when you quit. 296 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,713 Oh, yeah. 297 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:46,353 Good luck with the rest of your list, Earl. 298 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,356 [ Earl Narrating ] Maybe Stuart was destined to do what he wanted to do. 299 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,525 Maybe all of us eventually take the journey we're supposed to take. 300 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,470 Even Rodney. 301 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,678 Let's lose the shirts, ladies. 302 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:20,487 [ Earl Narrating ] Rodney was also on a journey to where he was supposed to go. 303 00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,558 [ Siren Wailing ] 304 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,932 Oh, snap! 305 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,439 I'm gonna need that jacket, dummy. 306 00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,245 Thank you.