1 00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:04,072 My name is Earl. 2 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:08,542 [ Earl Narrating ] The local Bargain Bag was known for its bad customer service, 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,544 but we couldn't really blame them for that. 4 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,713 As a matter of fact, they could blame us, 5 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:16,850 and that's why we were here, to make up for number 24 on my list-- 6 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,986 stole a red take-a-number machine. 7 00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:21,589 I wanna thank you for including us on this list item, Earl. 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:26,260 I appreciate any opportunity to repent for my sinful days. 9 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,930 - Oh! I want Jesus to see this. - Is that who that is? 10 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,565 Uh-huh. I saw him peeking out. 11 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,534 - Thought it was Willie Nelson. - Next! 12 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:39,173 Good-bye, little fella. We never even gave you a name. 13 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:43,344 Earl! You can't give back that ticket thing. 14 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,879 Randy, we talked about this. I have to. It's on my list. 15 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,715 You can't. Randy. 16 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,551 It's not your turn. 17 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:53,521 Oh, snap. 18 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:57,191 [ Earl Narrating ] I understood why Randy didn't wanna part with that ticket machine. 19 00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:00,161 It meant a lot to him. It meant a lot to all of us. 20 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,563 It was Christmas 1999... 21 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,933 and I had met and married Joy only three weeks earlier. 22 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,835 Since it was our first holiday together, 23 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,271 I wanted to include her in our gang's yuletide traditions. 24 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:18,546 Hey, everyone! It's carolers! 25 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,889 While Donny, Randy and Joy spread good tidings, 26 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,824 I snuck in and robbed the place. 27 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,607 Are you Santa? 28 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:52,846 Oh, ho-ho. Why are you taking all our presents? 29 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:59,920 Well, I think if you thought hard enough, you'd know the answer to that. 30 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:03,357 Now off to bed or there won't be a Christmas next year either. 31 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,763 [ Earl Narrating ] Don't worry. She's on my list. 32 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,339 If this is another damn thesaurus, 33 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:20,574 I'm gonna track down those dumb, stupid... dumb people, 34 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,610 and teach them how to buy a proper gift. 35 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:30,818 Cool, it's one of them checker sets, but for smart people and gays. 36 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,254 - Here you go. - Who are you? 37 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,456 Darnell. I'm new. 38 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:39,227 [ Earl Narrating ] A few weeks earlier, Darnell's life took a dramatic turn... 39 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,363 and he had to relocate to Camden County. 40 00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:47,100 As soon as you get out of this van, you become Darnell Turner. 41 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,371 All the documents you need-- birth certificate, driver's license, etc.-- 42 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,540 are in this envelope. 43 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,875 Cool. 44 00:02:54,942 --> 00:03:00,180 Remember, you can never be Harry Monroe again. You're a totally new person. 45 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:05,619 - Do I still like cheese? - Not if you wanna stay alive you don't. 46 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:17,164 [ Earl Narrating ] The more we hung out with Darnell, the more we learned how smart he was. 47 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,633 Why is it called "Y2K"? 48 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,636 It means "2000" in computer, and in a few days, when it turns 2000, 49 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,038 all the computers are gonna think it's really Year Zero. 50 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,609 - The hell does that mean? - All the computers will go berserk and things like... 51 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,078 electricity, water, gas will be out. 52 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,814 The banks will be outta money. Stores will be outta food. 53 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,117 All the high scores on video games will be reset. 54 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,019 - Even "Centipede"? - Mm-hmm. 55 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:42,189 That's messed up, y'all. What the hell's gonna happen to us? 56 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,959 Well, we'll either be killed at the hands of hungry citizens or die of starvation. 57 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,663 - Do we get to choose? - Wh-Wh-What are we gonna do? 58 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,065 We should do somethin', right? I mean, we gotta do somethin'. 59 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,603 Well, the best thing to do is just hole up somewhere and wait to see what happens. 60 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,872 We can use my sister's basement. She's off with another trucker. 61 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:02,443 And does she go off with a lot of truckers? 62 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:05,513 My sister falls in love easy, if that's what you're askin'. 63 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:10,050 [ Earl Narrating ] As we all tried to figure out how the hell we were gonna survive Y2K, 64 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,386 we weren't the only people preparing for an uncertain future. 65 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:16,290 [ Braying ] 66 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:20,528 As it turns out, our good friend Catalina was a world away... 67 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,763 preparing to make her journey to America. 68 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,433 Toma. 69 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,735 [ Speaking Spanish ] 70 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,645 [ Earl Narrating ] In the days leading up to Y2K, 71 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,448 we decided to stock up on survival supplies. 72 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,618 And we weren't the only ones. 73 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,564 Randy, I told you no robot dogs. 74 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,832 We can only afford the things we need to survive. 75 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,336 But I already filled out the adoption papers. I named him "Biscuit." 76 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,905 Put it back, Randy. 77 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,808 - Hey, Earl. - Hey... 78 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,447 Crab Man. 79 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,750 Wow. You really like cheese. 80 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,387 Shh. 81 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,596 I'm gonna have to see a receipt and pat you down. 82 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,664 Does that mean I'm gonna have to take my boots off? 83 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:34,267 - Probably. - The hell's goin' on? 84 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,304 Sorry, honey. Now that we're married, you're gonna have to get used to this. 85 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:40,340 For some reason, people tend to think me and Randy are criminals. 86 00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:43,944 I understand, baby. Everywhere I go I get dirty looks too. 87 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,214 - So do I. - Me too, and it sucks because we're good people. 88 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,783 Mm-hmm. 89 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,357 You know, it's crazy. They're so worried about us stealing stuff. 90 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,593 The whole store gonna get looted during Y2K. 91 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,029 - Wait a minute. There's gonna be lootin'? - Mm-hmm. 92 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,897 Then why the hell did we just buy all this stuff? 93 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,600 I'm gonna return mine and steal it tomorrow. 94 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,473 Can I loot too, Earl? There's just so much I wanna take. 95 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,910 And, plus, I'm still a little bit upset about that Larry King verdict. 96 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,913 You know what I'm gonna loot first? I'm gonna loot me a Humvee. 97 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,916 Then I'm gonna take all the other stuff I loot and put it in my Humvee. 98 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,386 And if somebody tries to stop me, I'm gonna drive over 'em in my Humvee. 99 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,522 And I also want a new pair of sandals. 100 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,624 Hey, Darnell, if all the computers break, 101 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,893 does that mean we won't have criminal records anymore? 102 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,964 Yep. It'll be cool. Your whole slate's gonna be wiped clean. 103 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,501 I'd like a clean slate. Mine's filthy. Mine too. 104 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:43,236 Oh, my God! We're missin' it. 105 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,873 - Ten-- - [ All ] Nine, eight-- 106 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,308 You know, this Y2K thing can be good for us. 107 00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:52,613 The whole deck's gonna be reshuffled. Maybe we won't be on the bottom. 108 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,548 [ All ] Three, two, 109 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,250 one! [ Blowing Horns ] 110 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,553 [ Electrical Pop, Whirring ] 111 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,189 [ Tape: Distorted Audio ] 112 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,757 [ Whispers ] It's happening. 113 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,730 [ Earl Narrating ] What we didn't know then was that Donny Jones's sister... 114 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,832 liked to screw two things: 115 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,367 truckers and the electric company. 116 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,505 Come on, guys! Let's do this! 117 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,641 The Year Zero is gonna be ours. 118 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:24,778 - [ Explosion ] - That's probably the power plant. 119 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:28,181 [ Rapid Explosions ] Sounds like machine-gun fire. 120 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,718 [ Earl Narrating ] What we didn't know was that every year... 121 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,153 Camden County had a New Year's fireworks show. 122 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:36,456 We'd never seen it because we were usually passed out by 9:00. 123 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,193 - Y'all, that sounds like grenades. - Grenades? 124 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,362 The other looters have grenades? I only have this bat. 125 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:45,733 I could hit a grenade with the bat, but only if you put it on a tee. 126 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:49,436 Maybe we should loot in the mornin'. 127 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:54,141 [ Earl Narrating ] Once the sun came up and the other looters ran out of grenades, 128 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:57,678 we were excited to finally get our chance to steal everything we ever dreamed of. 129 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,671 Where is everybody? We've gone 10 blocks and haven't seen a soul. 130 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,139 Maybe they're hiding. 131 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:30,043 Marco! Marco! 132 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:34,514 We're not in the damn pool, you idiot. Olly, Olly, oxen free! 133 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:43,456 I'm gettin' a little buggy here. 134 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,895 Maybe Randy was right. Maybe the computers did rise up and kill everybody. 135 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,598 I think you're right. Where are the bodies? 136 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:55,268 The computers are using them for fuel. 137 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:06,146 Hey, wait! [ Earl ] Hurry up! 138 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:12,052 [ Earl Narrating ] Realizing we might be... 139 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,488 the only people left on Earth in Year Zero freaked us out. 140 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:19,326 What we didn't know was there was a reason why the streets were so empty. 141 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,629 [ Cheering ] 142 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,700 We were always so drunk from the night before, 143 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,904 we were never awake to know there was a parade on New Year's Day. 144 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,609 Well, I guess that's it. 145 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,645 I guess the world's over. 146 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,948 I'm so angry at computers right now. 147 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,984 Well, if the world's over, 148 00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,920 I guess we're gonna have to start a new one. 149 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,356 Any ideas on how to do that, because it sounds complicated. 150 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:54,127 Well, I think we need to make sure that the new human race... 151 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,529 is made up of people of all different colors. 152 00:09:56,596 --> 00:10:00,100 You know, by stirrin' up the meltin' pot. 153 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,637 I call "president." Yeah, me too. I call "president" too. 154 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:06,339 We can't have two presidents. Says who? 155 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,909 Says me and I-I'm the president. 156 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:12,045 - One of them. - Guys, we're not gonna have a president. 157 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,248 But if we were, I'd be the president. Don't talk to me. 158 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,285 [ Earl Narrating ] While we were tryin' to figure out the rest of our lives, 159 00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,353 Catalina was runnin' for hers. 160 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:24,725 [ Shouting ] [ Gunshots ] 161 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,094 [ Speaking Spanish ] 162 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:33,166 As bummed out as we were about Y2K ending the world, 163 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,336 we were also excited to go shopping. 164 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,577 Being the last people on Earth had its advantages. 165 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,715 There was no one at the register, so everything was in our price range. 166 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,717 Plus, there was no other shoppers grabbin' stuff... 167 00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,719 out of our carts when we weren't lookin'. 168 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,035 - You guys ready to get out of here? - Not me. I'm staying forever. 169 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:11,171 You're gonna live in the store? Earl, he's gonna live in the store. 170 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,107 - I can live wherever I want. - Yeah. We rule the world now. 171 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,977 I may move to Florida if Y2K hasn't snapped it off in the ocean. 172 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,246 Earl, can we live in the store too, please? Can we? 173 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,449 I guess. It is bigger than the trailer... 174 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,517 and we wouldn't have to load this crap in the car. 175 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:27,054 - Okay. I claim the TV section. - Oh, hold on. You can't do that. 176 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,524 What are you gonna do, call the police? They're dead. I can do whatever I want... 177 00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:35,095 - and I claim this section. - Why the hell's it your section and not my section? 178 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,697 "A," because you're pregnant and can't fight, 179 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,400 and, "B," because I got here first. 180 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,635 [ Earl Narrating ] Suddenly, we all realized... 181 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,772 if there was somethin' we wanted for our own, 182 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,775 we had to be the first one to get there. 183 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:52,813 [ Grunting ] [ Clattering ] 184 00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:01,889 So we all claimed our piece of paradise. 185 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,726 Joy took the beauty products and pharmacy aisle. 186 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:10,430 [ Air Hissing ] Help! Help! The machine's got me! Y2K! Y2K! 187 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:15,268 [ Beeping ] Never mind. I scared it. It let go. 188 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,707 [ Earl Narrating ] Darnell seemed happy in his section. 189 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,443 Oh, I get it. My finger's his wiener. 190 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:35,823 And I found a section that was my own little slice of heaven. 191 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:45,265 Everyone started out pretty happy with our little arrangement, 192 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,701 but eventually, people began to have needs outside their aisles. 193 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,004 - Hey, baby. - Oh! Hey, hubby! 194 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:54,908 Hey, look on the back of that box and tell me how long to keep these bleach trays in. 195 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:58,311 Joy, it says you're not supposed to use these if you're pregnant. 196 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,580 Says the stupid government-- which is dead. 197 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,549 There's no more rules anymore, Earl. 198 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,253 I could put the stuff in my eyes if I wanted to-- make the white parts whiter. 199 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,690 - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What are you doin'? - My stomach hurts. 200 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,759 I think I ate too many cookie insides. 201 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,295 You can't just come in and take my stuff without askin'. 202 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:18,231 But we're married. It's our stuff. I don't think so. 203 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,367 I'm a separate accounts kind of woman. 204 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,769 If you want something, you're gonna have to give me something for it. 205 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:26,840 You want three bags of slightly licked outsides of cookies? 206 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:29,142 I want a TV. 207 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,611 How am I supposed to get you a TV? I live in Snack Foods. 208 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,813 Figure it out. 209 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:48,228 - Hey, Donny, what can I trade you for a TV? - Give me your wife. 210 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:51,064 I'm not givin' you my wife. Pick a snack food. 211 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:55,568 Marshmallow Fluff-- smeared on your wife. 212 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,171 - Donny. - Okay. 213 00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:02,142 I'll give you a TV, but you gotta owe me one favor-- 214 00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,344 and I get to ask for that favor anytime I want... 215 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:08,181 and you can't say "no" and you can't ask what the favor's gonna be. 216 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,583 Is the favor givin' you my wife? 217 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,653 - Yep. - Forget it. 218 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,856 [ Earl Narrating ] While Donny Jones was hard to negotiate with, 219 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,959 he was easy to fool. 220 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,946 Oh, so there's crime now. [ Laughs ] 221 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:46,119 [ Machinery Popping ] 222 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,788 - What the hell are you doin'? - You took my TV! 223 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,958 I saw it on TV. 224 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:56,096 I know we can go and fish and hunt. 225 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,999 Who's my good dog? Who's my good boy? You are. 226 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,733 - [ Barks ] - [ Screams ] 227 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:04,604 - Yeah, I took one. But you got 16 left. - Thief! 228 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,909 - What the hell is goin' on? - Shut up! You belong to me now. 229 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:13,380 You're not gettin' my wife, Donny. 230 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,250 Earl! 231 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,289 Ow! Donny! 232 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,360 Earl? [ Groans ] 233 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,197 Oh, snap! You killed your own brother! 234 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,533 I claim the toy section! 235 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,407 [ Earl Narrating ] Things had gotten out of control... 236 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:45,112 and it was gonna take a lot more than frozen peas to fix the problems in our new world. 237 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,881 What the hell's the matter with us? How can we start a whole new world... 238 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,984 if we can't even get through a day without... 239 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,053 having a tennis ball and pumpkin pie filling war. 240 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,290 It's 'cause we ain't got no damn rules. We need to figure a way to settle this fightin'. 241 00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:00,160 I know. We institute a scalpin' policy. 242 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,329 Whenever two people argue, they both get scalped. 243 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:07,334 Randy, where are you goin'? We're makin' important decisions here. 244 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,270 - Randy, I'm talkin' to you. - I say we scalp him. 245 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,739 - We're not scalpin' him. - We could cut off his ear. 246 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,607 You know what? Maybe buildin' a new world's too much. 247 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,643 We're just a bunch of low-life criminals. 248 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,512 No wonder everybody gives us dirty looks all the time. 249 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,648 We don't have to argue anymore. We can use this. 250 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,384 - The hell is that? - It's a take-a-number thingy. 251 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,853 Ooh! Like they have at the free clinic. 252 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:32,425 We just take a number. Whenever we have to make a decision, the next number decides. 253 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,461 That way there won't be wars in our new world. 254 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,164 [ Earl Narrating ] Funny thing. It took a smack to the head... 255 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,199 to finally knock some sense into one of us. 256 00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,939 While Randy was helping us get to a better place, 257 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,310 a guy named Pablo was helping Catalina do the same thing. 258 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,346 License and registration. 259 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,763 Right away we knew we were onto something with the take-a-number machine. 260 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,966 Whenever we would disagree, we went straight to the numbers. 261 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,236 Whoever had the lowest number got their way. 262 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,589 The number thingy really helped us get along. 263 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:46,065 We stopped arguin' and started havin' fun. 264 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,335 Our new society was really comin' together. 265 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,042 We were the best we'd ever been. 266 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:59,679 - To us. - [ All ] To us! 267 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,781 And to Randy. 268 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:03,950 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 269 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:07,220 Good job finding that "pull-a-piece-of-paper- with-a-number-printed-on-it... 270 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,556 out-of-the-big-red- plastic-thingy." 271 00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,524 You know what kind of thinkin' that was? 272 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,760 The kind of thinkin' a president does. 273 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:17,564 - But we don't have any presidents. - Well, maybe we need one. 274 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,099 All in favor of Randy bein' president-- 275 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,205 President. 276 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,640 That means I'm on top. 277 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,942 [ Earl Narrating ] By bedtime, we were exhausted, 278 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,078 but mostly, we were proud. 279 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,281 Thanks to Randy's ticket machine, 280 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,383 we had done good on our first day of runnin' the world. 281 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,751 If people were still alive to see us, 282 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,554 they sure wouldn't have been givin' us dirty looks that night. 283 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,457 Hey, Mr. President. [ Randy ] Yeah, Earl? 284 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:46,759 How's it feel to be on top? 285 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:50,197 I don't like it. It's too high up here. Will you switch with me? 286 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,899 Sure, Randy. 287 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,640 So, we all went to sleep... 288 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,676 proud of ourselves and looking forward to what the next day would bring. 289 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,945 [ Chattering ] 290 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,048 Biscuit! 291 00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:12,852 [ Earl Narrating ] But, unfortunately, the next day brought shoppers... 292 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:17,257 ready to take advantage of Bargain Bag's January 2 Sale. 293 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:20,860 Turns out the world wasn't over like we thought. 294 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:23,963 The deck wasn't reshuffled and we were still on the bottom. 295 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,899 Nothin' had changed at all. 296 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,715 Unfortunately, our new world was over, 297 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,184 but a new world was just beginning for Catalina... 298 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,254 who finally made it to America. 299 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,258 [ Speaking Spanish ] 300 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,295 Dibs. What? 301 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,364 Aw, it doesn't matter. She's gone. 302 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,334 [ Earl Narrating ] So, six years later, 303 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,703 Bargain Bag still needed their take-a-number machine, 304 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:06,639 and no matter how Randy felt, I still needed to give it back to 'em. 305 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,808 It's my turn, Earl. I get to choose. 306 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,044 Randy, look. That number machine means something to all of us, 307 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,914 but if we keep it, then we're just crooks who stole a number machine. 308 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,251 That's not what that day was about. But we were on top. 309 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,887 I liked bein' on top. Don't worry, Randy. 310 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,390 If we just keep doin' the things on my list, 311 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:26,559 we'll be back on top before you know it. 312 00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,613 [ Earl Narrating ] And even though we're still looked down upon today, 313 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,081 I'm confident that, one day, we won't be. 314 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:53,252 One day we will be seen as the perfect people we were on that one perfect day. 315 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,988 Ma'am. 316 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:02,862 [ Earl Narrating ] Of course, for some of us, that might take till "Y3K."