1 00:00:01,415 --> 00:00:03,445 [ Static ] 2 00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:10,419 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 3 00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:16,285 ♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 4 00:00:17,431 --> 00:00:22,161 ♪ When God comes and calls me to his Kingdom ♪ 5 00:00:23,126 --> 00:00:27,226 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 6 00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:29,098 ♪ Let it blow My turn. 7 00:00:29,132 --> 00:00:30,382 Hell no.Hey, man, let me drive 8 00:00:30,409 --> 00:00:33,069 that thing, come on!Do not touch the trim! 9 00:00:35,276 --> 00:00:36,376 [ Meow! ] 10 00:00:36,415 --> 00:00:37,445 [ Beeping ] 11 00:00:38,866 --> 00:00:41,136 I've got it all. 12 00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:44,248 And I'm gonna show you how I unwind 13 00:00:44,285 --> 00:00:47,555 after a stressful week of taking it to the bad guys. 14 00:00:47,599 --> 00:00:51,259 [ Siren wails ]Whoa! Four remote controls? 15 00:00:51,292 --> 00:00:52,852 [ Alarm blares ]This is loco. 16 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,400 One for TV, one for DVD, 17 00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:58,404 and who even knows what this one does? 18 00:00:58,437 --> 00:01:01,157 But I've got just the fix. 19 00:01:01,199 --> 00:01:03,269 You can do anything with duct tape, 20 00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:05,244 from waxing your bikini area 21 00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:07,312 to sealing the seams in duct work. 22 00:01:07,343 --> 00:01:09,283 You can do anything with duct tape, 23 00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:11,240 from waxing your bikini area... 24 00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:12,108 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 25 00:01:12,141 --> 00:01:13,691 Uh, that -- that's the same joke. 26 00:01:13,728 --> 00:01:15,558 Now, I -- I didn't steal this joke, now. 27 00:01:15,592 --> 00:01:17,112 I can't shut it off. 28 00:01:17,146 --> 00:01:20,526 The stop button's covered in this goddamn duct tape! 29 00:01:20,563 --> 00:01:25,333 Turns out duct tape is not very good for this type of job. 30 00:01:25,361 --> 00:01:28,161 [ Clears throat ] Roll credits. 31 00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:29,848 Ahhhh. 32 00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:32,402 What's that sigh about? "Ahhhh." 33 00:01:32,437 --> 00:01:33,747 This is good and fresh, 34 00:01:33,783 --> 00:01:36,273 and my Web Deputy's gonna love this. 35 00:01:36,303 --> 00:01:38,823 People don't want this boring bullshit on their feed. 36 00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:42,307 They want action, like this. 37 00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:44,413 Damn, Denny, you've got five hits. 38 00:01:44,449 --> 00:01:47,249 Yeah, and that's up from four just a while ago. 39 00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:49,799 [ Laughs ] And you ain't stopping, either. 40 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:52,253 Look at him go.It's a GIF, man. 41 00:01:52,284 --> 00:01:54,424 Look, if you want to pull eyeballs, 42 00:01:54,459 --> 00:01:56,939 gotta use footage from your dash cam. 43 00:01:56,978 --> 00:02:01,398 No, Denny, that's probably illegal and unethical. 44 00:02:01,431 --> 00:02:04,161 But it would be a fascinating window 45 00:02:04,193 --> 00:02:06,893 into my action-packed world. 46 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:09,889 All right, Web Deputies, it's the Sheriff coming to you 47 00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:12,412 from the mean streets of Dougal County. 48 00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,762 It's a little quiet out here tonight, 49 00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:17,279 but the only bar in town has just closed... 50 00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:19,689 [ Engine revving ]...and if my instinct's correct -- 51 00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:22,825 Whoa! Whoa! 52 00:02:22,866 --> 00:02:24,206 Oh, shit. 53 00:02:24,247 --> 00:02:26,867 Here I go![ Siren wails ] 54 00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:29,285 We got a hot one. Officer in pursuit. 55 00:02:29,321 --> 00:02:30,391 Get off of me! 56 00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:32,256 He's driving backwards so I can't see his plates, 57 00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:34,530 but I know that green face anywhere. 58 00:02:34,568 --> 00:02:35,808 Get off my ass! 59 00:02:35,845 --> 00:02:38,255 Oh, look out! Possible DUI. 60 00:02:38,296 --> 00:02:40,676 Kind of impressive that he can drive backwards so fast 61 00:02:40,712 --> 00:02:42,892 without jackknif-- whoa, jackknife! 62 00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:44,821 He's off the road. 63 00:02:44,854 --> 00:02:45,994 [ Police radio chatter ] 64 00:02:46,027 --> 00:02:49,407 All right, y'all, let's do this. 65 00:02:49,445 --> 00:02:50,825 Evening, sir. 66 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:54,550 Have you maybe had a few drinks tonight? 67 00:02:54,588 --> 00:02:56,418 Shut your fat ass, bitch. 68 00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:59,632 Okay, step out of the vehicle, sir. 69 00:02:59,662 --> 00:03:00,702 [ Thud! ]Ohh. 70 00:03:00,732 --> 00:03:02,292 All right, Web Deputies, 71 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,840 I'm about to conduct a field sobriety test on the subject. 72 00:03:04,874 --> 00:03:06,324 Who the hell you talking to? 73 00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:08,598 Note to edit -- we'll add some fun music here. 74 00:03:08,636 --> 00:03:10,706 Is that one of them damn talking cars? 75 00:03:10,742 --> 00:03:13,022 Hey, car, you some kind of robot? 76 00:03:13,054 --> 00:03:15,304 I lost three damn jobs to robots, 77 00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:18,963 and you about to pay for what your race has done to me! 78 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:21,411 Aah! Aah! My damn hands! 79 00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:23,482 Early, come back here and get in the shot. 80 00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:26,693 I'm making a viral video for the Internet. 81 00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:29,353 Now, do this dance like I'm doing. 82 00:03:29,381 --> 00:03:30,561 Look into the camera. 83 00:03:30,589 --> 00:03:31,969 There you go. You got it. 84 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:34,424 [ Laughs ] Now we're really gonna get some hits. 85 00:03:34,455 --> 00:03:35,835 Aah! Aah! 86 00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,420 You ain't about to manipulize me 87 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:39,768 for free user-generated content! 88 00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:41,565 I ain't some kind of flesh prop. 89 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,880 Not -- Not the TruckNutz. 90 00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:44,432 Yes, the TruckNutz. No. 91 00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:47,465 It's a damn trailer-hitch tea bag for you! 92 00:03:48,814 --> 00:03:50,854 Oh, no. [ Sniffles ] 93 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,715 Sheriff. My friend! 94 00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:56,679 What the hell'd you make me do, you stupid-ass brown drink? 95 00:03:56,719 --> 00:03:59,409 Attention. Officer needs assistance. Come on. 96 00:03:59,446 --> 00:04:02,346 Denny: Early, what are you doing in Sheriff's patrol car? 97 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:06,420 I'm requesting immediate, uh... 98 00:04:06,453 --> 00:04:09,843 Molly Hatchet song. 99 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:12,040 Copy that.[ Song plays ] 100 00:04:12,079 --> 00:04:12,909 Hell yeah! 101 00:04:12,942 --> 00:04:15,842 Help, Web Deputi-- Aah! 102 00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:17,836 Early: Damn right, baby! 103 00:04:17,878 --> 00:04:21,298 Yeah, baby! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 104 00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:23,850 I'm 'bout to to turn radius on this sum'bitch! 105 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,644 Yeah! Whoo! 106 00:04:25,679 --> 00:04:28,439 No, no, no, no, no! 107 00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:29,985 No! 108 00:04:30,028 --> 00:04:33,478 No! Aah! Aah! Aah! 109 00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:36,104 Hey, Glenn, you see that link I just sent you? 110 00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:38,827 [ Laughs ] That sum'bitch is crazy. 111 00:04:38,864 --> 00:04:41,874 Yeah, uh, that sum'bitch is you. 112 00:04:41,902 --> 00:04:44,112 I don't remember this happening, but to be fair, 113 00:04:44,145 --> 00:04:46,555 I was over-served that night. 114 00:04:46,596 --> 00:04:47,836 I like drinking, damn it, 115 00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:49,433 and I drink a lot when I drink, I do. 116 00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:51,841 Yeah, Sheriff's drinking a lot, too, these days. 117 00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:55,427 Every meal, through a tube. 118 00:04:55,467 --> 00:04:58,057 ♪♪ 119 00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,890 Blue lives matter. How's he doing? 120 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,850 Oh, you got some big balls coming 'round here. 121 00:05:02,888 --> 00:05:05,718 And not the ones you used to crush his skull with. 122 00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:06,863 Hey, hold on now. 123 00:05:06,892 --> 00:05:08,932 We ain't got to play the blame game here. 124 00:05:08,963 --> 00:05:11,733 I mean, they's good people on both sides of this. 125 00:05:11,759 --> 00:05:14,449 Ahhh.What's that sigh about? 126 00:05:14,486 --> 00:05:16,936 [ Machines beeping ] 127 00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:19,421 Howdy-do? Remember me? 128 00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:21,977 I know who you are. 129 00:05:22,011 --> 00:05:24,981 And I know what you done. 130 00:05:25,014 --> 00:05:26,774 But do you know how I feel? Agh! 131 00:05:26,809 --> 00:05:29,119 Blue lives matter. See? I bought this hat. 132 00:05:29,156 --> 00:05:31,426 You almost killed me, Early. 133 00:05:31,469 --> 00:05:34,579 Hey, them there was just locker-room shenanigans. 134 00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:36,580 In time, we'll all laugh at this. 135 00:05:36,612 --> 00:05:39,862 You'll see.Not out of my left eye I won't. 136 00:05:39,891 --> 00:05:41,861 You get out of here. Nurse! 137 00:05:41,893 --> 00:05:43,583 He's very emotional right now. 138 00:05:43,619 --> 00:05:44,719 I'll get this. 139 00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:46,758 [ Glug! Glug! ] 140 00:05:46,794 --> 00:05:49,004 Oh, wait a minute. 141 00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:50,488 What do these pills do? 142 00:05:50,522 --> 00:05:52,012 Uh, they thin your blood, 143 00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:55,181 and they increase your blood pressure. 144 00:05:55,216 --> 00:05:58,146 Pretty good buzz, I'll tell you that. 145 00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:00,735 First you're gonna take them tennis balls off the front. 146 00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:03,054 There's way too much drag coefficient. 147 00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:05,706 Now, try to walk to me. 148 00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:07,514 Ugh! I-It's hard. 149 00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:08,919 Yeah, ain't it, though? 150 00:06:08,954 --> 00:06:10,994 You got to build up your core, 151 00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:12,435 and then you can do this. 152 00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:13,885 Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! 153 00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:15,645 Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! 154 00:06:15,685 --> 00:06:16,715 See? 155 00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:19,585 Agh! Ugh! Dang it! 156 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,170 I'll never get there. 157 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:23,618 Well, hey there, Sheriff.[ Clears throat ] 158 00:06:23,659 --> 00:06:26,729 How you feeling, hoss? 159 00:06:26,765 --> 00:06:28,145 I said, "Hey, Sheriff, how you feel--" 160 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:31,220 I heard ya, and it's none of your beeswax. 161 00:06:31,252 --> 00:06:32,432 Ohhh. 162 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:35,671 Is this about that roadside beatdown I done and give you? 163 00:06:35,705 --> 00:06:37,875 Look, I got you a gift, okay? 164 00:06:37,914 --> 00:06:41,544 Since you're being such a damn pussy about everything. 165 00:06:41,573 --> 00:06:42,893 Robot chair, see? 166 00:06:42,919 --> 00:06:45,129 Government give it to us so Granny can get up stairs, 167 00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:47,863 but we never did build that second floor. 168 00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:49,200 -Ow! -It works good, though. 169 00:06:49,236 --> 00:06:50,056 -Oh! -See? 170 00:06:50,099 --> 00:06:52,069 Oh! Oh! Ow, stop! Stop it! 171 00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:54,451 I'm not taking charity from you. 172 00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:56,073 Please, Sheriff, take it! 173 00:06:56,105 --> 00:06:59,035 We obviously don't need it. Aaaaah! 174 00:06:59,073 --> 00:07:01,013 Stay in your damn room and leave us alone! 175 00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,011 I'm hanging out with my buddy Sheriff here. 176 00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:04,773 I ain't hanging out with you. 177 00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:06,633 I'm hanging out with, uh... 178 00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:10,603 Rusty, what do you got going on right now? 179 00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:13,017 I'm just wrestlin' up some dinner. 180 00:07:13,053 --> 00:07:15,193 Hey, uh, you want to hang out? 181 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:18,507 Well, you old as hell and fat and handicapped. 182 00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,061 But a'ight. 183 00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:24,034 Boy, Rusty, your daddy's being a real drama queen, ain't he? 184 00:07:24,064 --> 00:07:26,894 I-I said, "Speak to the hand," 185 00:07:26,929 --> 00:07:29,929 'cause the heart's not open to him right now. 186 00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:34,516 He was my BFF, but now he's a BFITP -- 187 00:07:34,557 --> 00:07:36,727 Best Friend In The Past. 188 00:07:36,766 --> 00:07:38,626 Two snaps up. 189 00:07:38,665 --> 00:07:39,905 I do miss him, though. 190 00:07:39,942 --> 00:07:41,912 Is this what y'all do when you hang out? 191 00:07:41,944 --> 00:07:43,194 Talk about feelings and shit? 192 00:07:43,221 --> 00:07:45,911 Well, I do. He just listens. 193 00:07:45,948 --> 00:07:49,018 He's a captive audience since most times he's -- 194 00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:52,024 [laughing] he's captive in my jail. 195 00:07:52,057 --> 00:07:53,607 Oh, my stitches. 196 00:07:53,645 --> 00:07:55,745 All right, man, well, uh, I'm late and I gotta go. 197 00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:57,025 Uh, uh, go where? 198 00:07:57,062 --> 00:07:59,552 I-I thought maybe we could Netflix and chill. 199 00:07:59,582 --> 00:08:01,312 What the hell, man? It ain't like that. 200 00:08:01,342 --> 00:08:02,902 I don't know what that means, Rusty. 201 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:04,760 I just saw it on the Internet. 202 00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,934 Is it a drug thing? 203 00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:09,141 Hey, Rusty.Hey, Tammi. 204 00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:11,148 Hey, Tammi.God dang it. 205 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:13,290 Hey, BFFIPOE. 206 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,670 That's Best Friend Forever In Place Of Early. 207 00:08:15,702 --> 00:08:18,882 S-Sheriff, um, I'm sorry, but I kinda promised Tammi 208 00:08:18,912 --> 00:08:21,192 that we'd have us a -- a date night tonight. 209 00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:22,194 Oh, I-I get it. 210 00:08:22,225 --> 00:08:25,745 Y'all want to "Netflix and chill" without me. 211 00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:27,161 [ Chuckling ] I looked it up. 212 00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:30,026 I'll just hang out on the porch till date night's over. 213 00:08:30,061 --> 00:08:33,691 If your dates are like mine, it'll be over pretty damn quick. 214 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:34,960 [ Laughs ] 215 00:08:34,997 --> 00:08:36,547 We don't have a date night. Why'd you lie? 216 00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:39,345 It is such a chore to hang out with him. 217 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:40,760 He's a damn fifth wheel. 218 00:08:40,796 --> 00:08:42,176 Sheriff: Who's a fifth wheel? 219 00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:44,041 Are y'all talking about me in there? 220 00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:45,935 Oh, uh, a fifth wheel's important, too. 221 00:08:45,973 --> 00:08:48,673 I mean, every car's got to have one of them little spare tires. 222 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:51,010 Oh, I'm a spare tire now, huh? 223 00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:53,327 Sheriff: I was never a spare with your daddy. 224 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,020 I was the only wheel 225 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:57,681 on the unicycle joyride of friendship. 226 00:08:57,709 --> 00:08:59,919 Oh, God, why can't he just go hang out with Daddy? 227 00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:03,163 Your daddy disrespected him, and as of last night, 228 00:09:03,197 --> 00:09:06,297 4 1/2 million people have LOLed at it. 229 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,958 His pride was shattered, Rusty, worse than his body. 230 00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:11,066 My pride isn't sh-- Ooh! 231 00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:12,172 Shit! 232 00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:14,926 Y'all need a damn ramp out here! 233 00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:16,968 Look, I've said "blue lives matter" 234 00:09:17,004 --> 00:09:18,944 till I'm blue in the damn face. 235 00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:21,392 You've seen the hat, but I guess it ain't enough for him. 236 00:09:21,422 --> 00:09:24,052 Hell, if he's butt hurt, he just needs to get over it. 237 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,320 You expect him to get over this?! 238 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,768 [ Dance music plays ] 239 00:09:27,808 --> 00:09:29,978 Hang on. This ain't the right one. 240 00:09:30,017 --> 00:09:33,017 It's a damn trailer-hitch tea bag for you! 241 00:09:33,055 --> 00:09:36,225 You either go apologize, or we gonna press charges. 242 00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:38,155 Daddy, come on, man. 243 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,368 I understand. 244 00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:41,026 I get it now. 245 00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:43,343 Pussy baby needs to be babied. 246 00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,619 All right, there he is. 247 00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:49,756 Hey, Sheriff, hold up. I got something for you. 248 00:09:49,796 --> 00:09:50,896 Oh, God, no! 249 00:09:50,935 --> 00:09:52,625 Early, no, not the TruckNutz. 250 00:09:52,661 --> 00:09:55,771 Yes, the TruckNutz. There you go, hoss. 251 00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:58,842 Wail on me. Go on now. 252 00:09:58,874 --> 00:10:00,814 Get to wailin'. 253 00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:04,635 [ Crying ] I can't. 254 00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:06,403 I-I just can't do it, Early. 255 00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:07,923 I told y'all he's a pussy. 256 00:10:07,952 --> 00:10:10,922 I-I just appreciate so much that you'd be willing 257 00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:12,775 to let me whup on you 258 00:10:12,819 --> 00:10:15,649 just so we can have our friendship back. 259 00:10:15,684 --> 00:10:18,654 Sheriff, I know I'm a handful. 260 00:10:18,687 --> 00:10:20,167 Friendship with me -- hell, 261 00:10:20,205 --> 00:10:22,445 you know there's gonna be some ups and downs, right? 262 00:10:22,483 --> 00:10:25,073 I-I know. I know. 263 00:10:25,107 --> 00:10:27,347 You don't need no damn walker for support... 264 00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:29,035 Actually, I d-- 265 00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:30,976 ...'cause you got a good friend right here supporting you. 266 00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:32,909 Bring it in, Early. 267 00:10:32,942 --> 00:10:34,842 I'm already here. 268 00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:37,075 I'm here, too! 269 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,223 [ Sniffles ] 270 00:10:39,259 --> 00:10:42,469 Glenn, you check out that new link I sent you? 271 00:10:42,503 --> 00:10:44,783 Uh, of the three dudes hugging? 272 00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:47,986 Uh, yeah, unsubscribe. 273 00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:49,856 You seen this one? It's pretty funny. 274 00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,380 Whoo! He goes on a long time, don't he? 275 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,480 Yeah, it's a GIF. 276 00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:54,904 No, it's pronounced "jif." 277 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:56,310 G-I-F -- jif. 278 00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:59,445 GIF -- it stands for Graphics Interchange Format. 279 00:10:59,486 --> 00:11:02,316 You call that long-neck jungle creature what eat leaves 280 00:11:02,351 --> 00:11:04,321 out of trees a gir-raff?That depends. 281 00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:08,053 Does it stand for Graphics Interchange-Raff? 282 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:10,771 'Cause if it does, then maybe it is a gir-raff. 283 00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:12,358 JIF. It's a JIF. 284 00:11:15,536 --> 00:11:18,986 Sheriff: Made in Georgia.