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00:00:02,140 --> 00:00:04,350
[ Static ]

2
00:00:04,383 --> 00:00:07,113
[ Country music plays ]

3
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♪ My dreams are all dead
and buried ♪

4
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♪ Sometimes I wish that sun
would just explode ♪

5
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♪ When God comes and calls me
to his Kingdom ♪

6
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♪ I'll take all you sons of
bitches when I go ♪

7
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-My turn.
-Hell no.

8
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Hey, man, let me drive
that thing!

9
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Do not touch the trim!

10
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♪♪

11
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♪ I lost my job

12
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♪ Can't pay the rent

13
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What gets me through

14
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♪ Is your feminely scent

15
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♪ Sitting on the porch

16
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♪ Gazing in your eyes

17
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And then my hand
goes a searchin'

18
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♪ For that treasure
twixt your thighs ♪

19
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♪ I want me some hanky,
hanky-panky ♪

20
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♪ Get my panky all stanky

21
00:01:03,132 --> 00:01:04,792
♪ And after that,
I'll say thankye ♪

22
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♪ For giving me
a stanky panky ♪

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♪ Now don't go
making me cranky ♪

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♪ Come on
and stanky up my panky ♪

25
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♪ I think I told you
quite frankly ♪

26
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♪ Come on
and make my panky stanky ♪

27
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Okay.
Uh...thank you.

28
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But I don't think stanky panky
is quite the right tone

29
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for our Bible-themed
amusement park.

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Well, I don't think your
theme-park audience

31
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is ready for my level
of filthy wordplay.

32
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Well, we agree.
This is not a good fit.

33
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That's right!

34
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Your theme park
ain't got what it takes.

35
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Enjoy playing your filthy song
for Beelzebub.

36
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I will,
and He'll enjoy it

37
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because unlike you,
he knows I'm a major talent.

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Great,
the exit's right over there.

39
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Good!
I'm goin' to it!

40
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Wait,
what just happened here?

41
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Next.

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Whoo! Tammi! Yeah!

43
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Sing your ass off, girl!
Get you some!

44
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You ain't got a guitar
or nothin'?

45
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Oh, no sir, I sing in church
and with the radio.

46
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Hey, man, I could beatbox
with her if that'll help.

47
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[ Beatboxing ]

48
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Bup, bup, bup-bup, bup!
Stick 'em!

49
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Rusty, stop. Please.

50
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You're right, you're right.
This is your moment.

51
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She's good though![ Clears throat ]

52
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♪ Amazing grace

53
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♪ How sweet the sound

54
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♪ That saved a retch

55
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♪ Like me

56
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All right. Hold on.

57
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I've heard enough.

58
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You are hired.

59
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All right, honey,

60
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when the lights come up,
the heat is on.

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That's your moment.

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So get them churros
under the warming lamp

63
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and stack 'em up
like corn-wood.

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Um...and I sing
while I sell the churros?

65
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Oh, no, no.

66
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Let the churros
do the heavy liftin'.

67
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They sell themselves.

68
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But I was auditioning
to sing.

69
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Well, you can sing
into one of those churros

70
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like it's
a little microphone,

71
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as long as the customers
don't see you.

72
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Check! Check!

73
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Hey, boy, that's the mother
of my son you're talking to!

74
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Check. Test. One, two.
Yeah!

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That's the mother-of-the-
son-of-my-illegitimate-son-

76
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who-was-never-proven-
in-a-court-of-law-

77
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with-a-DNA-test son
you talkin' to.

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Make them pay
for them churros

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since they touched 'em.[ Sighs ]

80
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Aw, don't listen to that
sorry son of a bitch, baby.

81
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Them was
some fine warblings.

82
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All this time, Tammi,

83
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I thought you was just
a sweet little piece of ass.

84
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Little did I know,

85
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there's value above your neck,
as well.

86
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Daddy, you ain't helpin'.

87
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And she ain't your baby.

88
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And stop touching me,
Early.

89
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The restraining order
is still in effect.

90
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Ah, come on now!

91
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How am I supposed to
comfort you

92
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from 2,000 foot away?

93
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Hell,
I'm a physical person!

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[ Guitar tuning ]

95
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Early: Let's take it
from the top. Ready?

96
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♪♪

97
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♪ You're the scotch
in my soda ♪

98
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[ Music stops ]

99
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And that's when you sing

100
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♪ "You're the rum
in my cola" ♪

101
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Okay?
Yeah.

102
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All right,
let's try it again.

103
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Here we go.

104
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♪♪

105
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♪ You're the scotch
in my soda ♪

106
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[ Music stops ]

107
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You're the rum
in my cola.

108
00:04:01,586 --> 00:04:02,926
You gotta come in
on a one.

109
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:03,926
Okay.

110
00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:05,417
Once more, again,
from the top.

111
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♪♪

112
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♪ You're the scotch ♪ One

113
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No, you come in
on a one --

114
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you don't sing
the word "one."

115
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You know, "one" is not
a very good lyric.

116
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"One" ain't the lyric!

117
00:04:15,358 --> 00:04:17,978
You sing "You're the rum
in my cola"

118
00:04:18,016 --> 00:04:20,916
then I sing "I slurp in your
love straight with no chaser"

119
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then you sing
"I call you sweet love

120
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the romance shit-facer"

121
00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:25,815
And that's a fuckin
love song, too.

122
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So sing it with emotional
feelings and what not!

123
00:04:29,579 --> 00:04:30,719
And when do I sing this?

124
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On the one.

125
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And when's one now?

126
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It's the first Goddamn beat,
woman!

127
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When I stop singing,
that's when you start singing.

128
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♪ You're the rum
in my cola ♪

129
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:42,316
Stop singing
when I'm talking to you.

130
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But you said to sing
when you stopped singing,

131
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and you just
stopped singing.

132
00:04:45,837 --> 00:04:47,667
Just sing
when I point to you.

133
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Can you handle that?Absolutely.

134
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I understand
completely now.

135
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I come in on the one.

136
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[ Sighs ] Good.

137
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Okay, here we go.

138
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♪♪

139
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♪ You're the scotch
in my soda ♪

140
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:02,962
One...

141
00:05:02,992 --> 00:05:04,442
Two...

142
00:05:04,476 --> 00:05:06,436
Is that two?

143
00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:07,478
Oh...s--

144
00:05:07,514 --> 00:05:08,654
Rehearsal is over!

145
00:05:08,687 --> 00:05:10,447
Aah![ Glass shatters ]

146
00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:12,762
I guess when I broke out
of your busted-ass womb,

147
00:05:12,795 --> 00:05:14,795
I must've sucked all of
the talent out of your teets!

148
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,941
Daddy, nobody wants
to hear that.

149
00:05:16,971 --> 00:05:19,111
I concede,
it's a coarse insult,

150
00:05:19,146 --> 00:05:21,766
but I tried subtlety
and it bore no fruit.

151
00:05:21,804 --> 00:05:22,984
I was talking
about the music.

152
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:24,982
Look, I know
what your song's missin'.

153
00:05:25,014 --> 00:05:26,124
Go on
and play it again.

154
00:05:26,153 --> 00:05:27,473
♪♪

155
00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:28,949
[ Beatboxing ]

156
00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:30,953
♪ You're the scotch
in my soda ♪

157
00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,495
[ Rapping ]
♪ Soda, Dakota

158
00:05:32,539 --> 00:05:33,849
♪ "Star Wars" got a Yoda

159
00:05:33,885 --> 00:05:36,465
♪ There is no try only do...
said Yoda ♪

160
00:05:36,508 --> 00:05:38,988
[ Beatboxes ]

161
00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,688
I mean, that's all I got
'cause I was freestylin',

162
00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:42,649
but, you know, if we sat down
and wrote some lyrics,

163
00:05:42,687 --> 00:05:43,897
it'd be better.

164
00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:46,834
[ Glass shatters ]

165
00:05:46,863 --> 00:05:49,633
I was feelin'
your flow there, but...

166
00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,009
God,
your rhymes are bad.

167
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,350
I am surrounded
by tone-deaf nitwits!

168
00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:56,152
Tammi:
You ready, babies?

169
00:05:56,183 --> 00:05:58,983
Time to lay down
and go night-night.

170
00:05:59,013 --> 00:06:00,983
Aw.
There you go, baby.

171
00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:03,565
Early:
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

172
00:06:03,604 --> 00:06:04,954
Put me in a onesie.
[ Chuckles ]

173
00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:06,495
Powder mybottom.

174
00:06:06,538 --> 00:06:07,638
Ooh. Yeah, baby.

175
00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:08,947
Yeah. [ Laughs ]

176
00:06:08,989 --> 00:06:10,779
Randy, did you
just hear somethin'?

177
00:06:11,819 --> 00:06:16,479
[ Imitating
wind blowing ]

178
00:06:16,514 --> 00:06:17,834
Must just be the wind.

179
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:19,790
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
just the wind.

180
00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:21,097
[ Imitating
wind blowing ]

181
00:06:21,139 --> 00:06:24,629
♪ Hush little baby
don't say a word ♪

182
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:28,040
♪ Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird ♪

183
00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:32,117
♪ And if that mockingbird
don't sing ♪

184
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:36,050
♪ Mama's gonna buy you
a diamond ring ♪

185
00:06:36,085 --> 00:06:38,915
Early:
♪ And if that diamond ring
turns brass ♪

186
00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:42,020
♪ Papa's gonna buy you
a looking glass ♪

187
00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:45,676
♪ And through
this looking glass, I see ♪

188
00:06:45,715 --> 00:06:48,615
♪ You ain't 'sposed to be
within 2,000 feet ♪

189
00:06:49,132 --> 00:06:52,172
♪ Papa's violatin'
that court order ♪

190
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:56,044
♪ So, Mama, please shut off
your video camcorder ♪

191
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:58,970
♪ Mama done grabbed
her a can of mace ♪

192
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:02,804
♪ Gonna pepper spray Papa
in his foul squid face ♪

193
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:04,526
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ow! Ow!

194
00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:05,802
I'm calling the police.

195
00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,809
Tammi, what the hell'd
you do that for?

196
00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:09,191
We just made magic
just now!

197
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,881
I will admit,
that sounded nice.

198
00:07:11,914 --> 00:07:13,714
Your voice
has some character.

199
00:07:13,743 --> 00:07:15,543
And I know how to pick me
a guitar too.

200
00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:17,543
[ Guitar chords play ]

201
00:07:17,575 --> 00:07:19,055
I play pretty as hell.

202
00:07:19,093 --> 00:07:21,483
And that's exactly
what you need, little gal --

203
00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:22,610
a guitar player.

204
00:07:22,649 --> 00:07:23,999
And I need me a lead singer

205
00:07:24,029 --> 00:07:25,889
who looks and sounds fine,
like I do.

206
00:07:25,928 --> 00:07:27,518
You see where I'm goin'
with this?

207
00:07:27,550 --> 00:07:29,170
Yeah, it's a clumsy attempt
to sleep with me.

208
00:07:29,207 --> 00:07:32,177
No, I-I need me
a musical partner, that's it!

209
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,760
And you need me, too.

210
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:35,798
You seen what we done
to that baby just now.

211
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,014
We get together,

212
00:07:37,042 --> 00:07:38,632
we could put whole crowds
to sleep.

213
00:07:38,665 --> 00:07:40,805
Well, it might be fun
to sing with somebody

214
00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:42,529
other than the radio.Yeah.

215
00:07:42,565 --> 00:07:45,145
And I could give you
an exotic oriental foot rub

216
00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:46,538
while we're singing.

217
00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:47,499
[ Smooches ]

218
00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:48,916
Strictly platonic.

219
00:07:48,951 --> 00:07:51,711
Gross! Get off me!
God!

220
00:07:51,747 --> 00:07:53,197
Look,
if we're gonna do this,

221
00:07:53,231 --> 00:07:55,131
we're keeping the restraining
order in place.

222
00:07:55,164 --> 00:07:57,724
How we gonna duet
from 2,000 feet away?

223
00:07:57,753 --> 00:08:00,003
I ain't got 2,000 feet
of microphone cable.

224
00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:01,791
All right,
I guess I could keep

225
00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:03,276
the pepper spray
trained on you,

226
00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:05,210
but no exotic
foot massage.

227
00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:07,693
I -- I'm gonna be
a perfect gentleman, I swear!

228
00:08:07,728 --> 00:08:09,008
And to show you
how serious I am,

229
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,320
here's all your panties
I done stole from you

230
00:08:10,351 --> 00:08:11,841
over the years.

231
00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:13,630
Returned with interest!
See?

232
00:08:13,665 --> 00:08:16,185
This here's one I picked out
from a private collection.

233
00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:19,049
I don't need my mama's
underwear, thanks.

234
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:21,884
You could use it
for a blanket or somethin'.

235
00:08:21,915 --> 00:08:22,915
Maybe you got a horse
that's got two heads

236
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:24,120
or...hell, I don't know.

237
00:08:24,158 --> 00:08:25,878
If I'm gonna sing
with you,

238
00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,269
we gotta work on that
ratty-ass look of yours.

239
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,650
I'm Big Daddy!

240
00:08:29,681 --> 00:08:30,751
And I'm Li'l Mama!

241
00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:32,716
And together we are...

242
00:08:32,753 --> 00:08:35,143
Muscadine Wine!...Muscadine Wine!

243
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:37,719
♪ You're the scotch
in my soda ♪

244
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:39,998
♪ You're the rum
in my cola ♪

245
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:42,206
♪ I'll slurp down your love
straight, no chaser ♪

246
00:08:42,245 --> 00:08:44,275
♪ I'll call your sweet cocktail
The Pain Eraser ♪

247
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,276
♪ Girl your lovin'
makes me feel so stoned ♪

248
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,108
♪ Boy, don't make me
have to drink alone ♪

249
00:08:49,149 --> 00:08:50,669
♪ We go together
like scotch and soda ♪

250
00:08:50,702 --> 00:08:51,982
♪ Bottoms up

251
00:08:52,014 --> 00:08:53,774
♪ Let's drink again

252
00:08:53,809 --> 00:08:55,639
[ Cheers and applause ]Yeah!

253
00:08:55,673 --> 00:08:56,783
Let's drink again, baby!

254
00:08:56,812 --> 00:08:57,992
[ Laughs ]
How you like that?

255
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,190
Oh, that's
how the song goes.

256
00:09:00,229 --> 00:09:01,609
No wonder he threw me

257
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:03,274
through that
plate-glass window.

258
00:09:03,301 --> 00:09:05,721
Whoo!
Thank you, Dougal
First United Methodist!

259
00:09:05,752 --> 00:09:06,792
Hell yeah!
Goodnight!

260
00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:08,202
Y'all wants an encore!
Come on!

261
00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:10,827
♪ I want me some hanky,
hanky-panky ♪

262
00:09:10,860 --> 00:09:12,310
♪ Get my panky all stanky No, no, no, we're not
playing that one here.

263
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,764
Come on, let's go.♪ After that I'll --

264
00:09:13,794 --> 00:09:15,834
Whoa! Whoa!
What the hell?

265
00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:17,895
That was some damn good music,
Early.

266
00:09:17,936 --> 00:09:20,966
I done slapped my knee
black and blue.

267
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:22,798
My hand's
black and blue too.

268
00:09:22,838 --> 00:09:25,148
[ Chuckles ]
I'm a hemophiliac.

269
00:09:25,185 --> 00:09:26,385
[ Thuds ]

270
00:09:26,427 --> 00:09:27,947
I gotta ask, man --

271
00:09:27,981 --> 00:09:30,711
is she as tender and sweet

272
00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,052
between the sheets?

273
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:34,088
Ow!
Mind your business,
lawdog!

274
00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:35,985
That there beautiful,
talented lady

275
00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:38,793
is my professional colleague
in melody, nothing more!

276
00:09:38,819 --> 00:09:40,679
I guess I'm just jealous.

277
00:09:40,718 --> 00:09:41,998
We dated once.
Yeah?

278
00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,859
And you left your damn crayons
over there.

279
00:09:43,893 --> 00:09:46,793
My burnt-sienna crayon?
You found it?

280
00:09:46,827 --> 00:09:48,307
I found all the ones
you didn't eat.

281
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:50,796
You think you can leave them
as a pathetic excuse

282
00:09:50,831 --> 00:09:52,041
to weasel your way
back into her life?

283
00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:53,974
That's the oldest trick
in the book.

284
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:56,867
Let's just focus
on the burnt sienna
for a moment, sir.

285
00:09:56,906 --> 00:09:58,866
Where was the last
known location?

286
00:09:58,908 --> 00:10:00,008
Did you see it?
Were we good?

287
00:10:00,047 --> 00:10:01,697
I mean, I missed
that one pick-up

288
00:10:01,739 --> 00:10:03,779
but your daddy totally came in
and saved me there.

289
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,160
I mean,
what did you think?

290
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,807
Honey,
is something wrong?

291
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:09,948
Look, in the beginning,
I wasn't so thrilled

292
00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:11,888
about you playing music
with my daddy.

293
00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:13,341
But now that I've heard you
sing with him,

294
00:10:13,371 --> 00:10:14,991
I am relieved to say

295
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,858
that your voices
sound terrible together.

296
00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:19,202
I mean, y'all damn suck.
Whoof!

297
00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:21,659
And when these people tell you
you sound great,

298
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:22,900
honey,
they're lying to you.

299
00:10:22,932 --> 00:10:24,112
They're trying
to make you feel better.

300
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:25,760
But I'm giving you
the straight dope

301
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,037
'cause I care about you

302
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:28,874
and I don't want
to see you embarrassed.

303
00:10:28,904 --> 00:10:30,284
So you're jealous.Can't you see

304
00:10:30,319 --> 00:10:32,389
my daddy's just trying
to get in your pants?

305
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,874
Rusty,
this is beneath you.

306
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:36,079
Well, my daddy
wants you beneath him!

307
00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:38,358
So you best decide who you want
to be beneath, woman.

308
00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:39,776
Now you're pissin' me off.

309
00:10:39,811 --> 00:10:41,021
I'll have you know,

310
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,754
your daddy's been
a perfect gentleman.

311
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:45,090
We have a professional
relationship.

312
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:47,027
Ah, so just because
he can pick a little guitar,

313
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,680
you're gonna get
all hot and bothered?

314
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:50,367
That's pathetic, Tammi!

315
00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:51,888
Rusty:
Hey, Mr. Hubbard.

316
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,137
I need to learn how to be
really good at guitar

317
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:55,209
and singin',
like professional-level,

318
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,450
and I need to do that today,
if at all possible.

319
00:10:57,484 --> 00:10:59,354
Problem with your lady,
huh?

320
00:10:59,382 --> 00:11:00,832
How'd you know?

321
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,037
It's the only reason

322
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:03,795
men learn
how to play guitar.

323
00:11:03,835 --> 00:11:05,725
Why do women learn
how to play guitar?

324
00:11:05,768 --> 00:11:07,458
Women don't play guitar,
son.

325
00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:08,944
They're too busy
makin' babies

326
00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:11,118
for men who know
how to play guitar.

327
00:11:11,153 --> 00:11:14,883
Here, take this
and see if you can follow me.

328
00:11:14,915 --> 00:11:17,875
♪ You take
the lowest string ♪

329
00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:20,848
♪ The high E

330
00:11:20,887 --> 00:11:23,717
♪ You tune 'em down

331
00:11:23,752 --> 00:11:26,722
♪ Both to D

332
00:11:26,755 --> 00:11:29,515
♪ You take the A string

333
00:11:29,550 --> 00:11:32,970
♪ You tune it down to G

334
00:11:33,002 --> 00:11:35,872
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

335
00:11:35,902 --> 00:11:37,392
Man: Now you're rockin'!

336
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:39,730
If you squint real hard,
it looks like I'm shreddin'.

337
00:11:39,768 --> 00:11:41,738
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

338
00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:43,390
Show 'em what you got!

339
00:11:43,426 --> 00:11:47,526
Son, let me give you
a piece of advice about women.

340
00:11:47,568 --> 00:11:49,118
There's more than
one of them.

341
00:11:49,156 --> 00:11:52,396
Find one who likes guys
who can't play guitar.

342
00:11:52,435 --> 00:11:53,435
But I love this woman.

343
00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,091
In that case,

344
00:11:55,128 --> 00:11:57,028
there's only one thing
I can tell you.

345
00:11:57,061 --> 00:11:59,061
I gave you
a free guitar lesson,

346
00:11:59,097 --> 00:12:01,817
so now you have
to buy a snake.

347
00:12:01,859 --> 00:12:04,069
You a copperhead
or cotton-mouth man?

348
00:12:04,102 --> 00:12:07,042
I really gotta move
some snakes today.

349
00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:09,757
♪♪

350
00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:11,418
♪ You're the rum
in my cola ♪

351
00:12:11,454 --> 00:12:13,044
[ Doorbell rings ]

352
00:12:14,803 --> 00:12:15,983
Aah! Snake!

353
00:12:16,011 --> 00:12:17,151
[ Grunts ] Git!

354
00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:18,504
[ Grunts ]

355
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,880
Rusty: Hey, Tammi.

356
00:12:19,911 --> 00:12:23,051
[ Electric guitar chords play ]

357
00:12:23,087 --> 00:12:25,297
I got you that
there, uh, apology snake

358
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,540
to tell you I'm sorry.

359
00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:27,993
And I want you to know,

360
00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:30,033
you can play music
with whoever you want.

361
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:31,199
Thank you, Rusty.

362
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:32,483
But you should also know

363
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:34,820
that I am now
very good at guitar.

364
00:12:34,857 --> 00:12:36,957
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

365
00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:38,137
Man: Now you're rockin'!

366
00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:40,141
Rusty,
that is Randy's toy.

367
00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:41,933
Uh, it's custom-built.
Check it out.

368
00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,868
I can play behind my head
like Stevie Ray Vaughan.

369
00:12:43,901 --> 00:12:46,141
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

370
00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:47,559
Show 'em what you got!

371
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:48,844
[ Toilet flushes ]

372
00:12:48,871 --> 00:12:50,251
Phew, oof.

373
00:12:50,286 --> 00:12:52,146
That there was
an extinction-level event.

374
00:12:52,185 --> 00:12:53,525
♪♪

375
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:54,525
Daddy.

376
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,146
♪♪

377
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,539
Rusty.

378
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,809
What's this damn ridiculous
git-up you got on?

379
00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:02,128
Only a handful of people
could pull off that look,

380
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,340
and that hand
hold one person -- me.

381
00:13:04,369 --> 00:13:07,479
She's gonna get tired of
your little side-show
real soon, Daddy.

382
00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:10,170
And when she does,
she's gonna come back
to the real band.

383
00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:12,073
Her half boyfriend
and ex-brother.

384
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:14,141
Ex-boyfriend
and half-brother.

385
00:13:14,172 --> 00:13:15,972
And let's not flaunt that,
okay?

386
00:13:16,002 --> 00:13:17,182
[ Laughs ]

387
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:18,970
Sounds like
somebody's jealous.

388
00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:21,515
[ Guitar chords play ]

389
00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,149
♪ Ooh, ooh

390
00:13:23,181 --> 00:13:25,081
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

391
00:13:25,114 --> 00:13:26,504
Now you're rockin'!

392
00:13:27,496 --> 00:13:28,836
Watch this here...

393
00:13:28,877 --> 00:13:31,567
[ Guitar riff plays ]

394
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,953
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

395
00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:35,945
Show 'em what you got!

396
00:13:35,987 --> 00:13:37,127
Just listen to this...

397
00:13:37,161 --> 00:13:41,991
[ Guitar riff plays ]

398
00:13:42,028 --> 00:13:44,408
[ Electronic guitar chords
play ]

399
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:47,004
Now you're rockin'!

400
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:49,213
All right...
You some chops.

401
00:13:49,242 --> 00:13:50,352
Too bad for you,

402
00:13:50,381 --> 00:13:51,621
they ain't hirin'
no more bands

403
00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:53,348
to play
on that big-ass boat.

404
00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:54,524
What do you mean boat?

405
00:13:54,557 --> 00:13:56,077
Muscadine Wine
has been booked

406
00:13:56,111 --> 00:13:58,421
to headline The Outlaw
Country Cruise, babay!

407
00:13:58,458 --> 00:14:00,148
What?
You sent in the tape?

408
00:14:00,184 --> 00:14:01,674
They liked it?
Are you for real?

409
00:14:01,702 --> 00:14:03,262
It's a done deal.
It's happenin'.

410
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,090
Oh, my God!
Early!

411
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,980
But if you want to click
around on a toy guitar

412
00:14:07,018 --> 00:14:08,158
with this chug-nut...

413
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:09,332
[Chuckles]
...you go right ahead.

414
00:14:09,365 --> 00:14:10,945
You son of a bitch!Rusty.

415
00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:12,158
Come on, do somethin'! Now you're rockin'!

416
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,646
Police! Nobody move!

417
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,200
That's all right.

418
00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:16,893
He come out here with a weapon,
but that's okay.

419
00:14:16,925 --> 00:14:18,475
I ain't gonna
press no charges.

420
00:14:18,512 --> 00:14:22,142
Rusty, this is a huge
opportunity for me.

421
00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:24,141
And if you don't
get that,

422
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:25,903
maybe you just
need to leave.

423
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:27,314
Well, fine!

424
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,249
Y'all have a good life together
without me!

425
00:14:29,282 --> 00:14:32,012
And I'm takin' my apology
back too!

426
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:33,563
[ Cries ]
[ Laughs ]

427
00:14:33,596 --> 00:14:36,146
Hey! You dropped your
ridiculous-looking clown wig,

428
00:14:36,185 --> 00:14:37,315
made with real...

429
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:39,459
Real cadaver hair?
Damn.

430
00:14:39,499 --> 00:14:40,639
uh, never mind.

431
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,052
The wig is mine now!

432
00:14:42,088 --> 00:14:44,158
Denny, what are you doing
over there?

433
00:14:44,193 --> 00:14:45,513
Denny: I got a hot tip

434
00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:47,609
that there's some crayons
on the premises.

435
00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:51,675
Ah, the Burnt Sienna
is in custody.

436
00:14:51,718 --> 00:14:53,168
Over.

437
00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,382
[ Horn blows ]

438
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:57,171
[ Cheers and applause ]

439
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,996
Have a good 'un!

440
00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:02,626
Are you absolutely sure
we're playin' this thing?

441
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:04,080
This is all legit, right?

442
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:05,700
'Cause I've read the schedule
three times.

443
00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:07,602
I don't see us
anywhere on it.

444
00:15:07,630 --> 00:15:09,390
Well, if you announce
a surprise guest,

445
00:15:09,425 --> 00:15:11,565
then it ain't much of
a damn surprise now, is it?

446
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,090
And it's weird that you're
turning the shrimp buffet

447
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,330
into our merch table.

448
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:16,612
Hey! Git on out of here!

449
00:15:16,639 --> 00:15:18,539
Them bandaners
ain't napkins, haus.

450
00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:20,332
And why isn't my face
on the T-shirt?

451
00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:21,677
Screen printing's
expensive.

452
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,683
And they do charge
more for extra faces.

453
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,165
Let's not make this
an ego thing, okay?

454
00:15:26,201 --> 00:15:27,481
Why are we the bush?

455
00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:29,002
On a boat?
Shh!

456
00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,171
Hey, look!
There's Early!

457
00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:31,375
Hi, Early!

458
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,043
We're on a boat!Shh, shh, shh!

459
00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:35,110
Stop drawing attention to us.
We're undercover here.

460
00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:37,521
I am a millionaire businessman
from Ohio.

461
00:15:37,557 --> 00:15:39,317
And you are
my precious toddler

462
00:15:39,352 --> 00:15:41,182
who thinks the world
revolves around him.

463
00:15:41,216 --> 00:15:43,486
I don't want to be
on this cruise, Daddy!There you go.

464
00:15:43,528 --> 00:15:45,628
I want to be on
the Disney cruise

465
00:15:45,668 --> 00:15:47,668
with Doofy
and Marty Mouse!

466
00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:49,705
Hey!
Shut that wrinkly-ass baby up!

467
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:50,711
We're about to perform here.

468
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,572
Wait, we're playing here?

469
00:15:52,606 --> 00:15:54,676
Right now?I'm Big Daddy...

470
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:56,162
And I'm still not clear

471
00:15:56,196 --> 00:15:57,746
on whether this is
a legitimate gig or not.

472
00:15:57,784 --> 00:15:59,344
And together we are...

473
00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:01,062
Muscadine Wine!Muscadine Wine!

474
00:16:01,098 --> 00:16:03,198
No, no, no,
shut this down right now.

475
00:16:03,238 --> 00:16:04,688
Okay,
that's our time, folks.

476
00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:06,172
Y'all can come see us
at the merch table.

477
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:08,416
Um, where exactly
are we booked to play?

478
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,590
You ain't officially booked
to play anywhere.

479
00:16:10,624 --> 00:16:12,284
So pack up your gear
and get on.

480
00:16:12,316 --> 00:16:13,626
You're blockin'
the shrimp.

481
00:16:13,662 --> 00:16:15,392
Ugh, I knew it!
You lied to me!

482
00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:17,532
Oh, no, no, baby.
Come on now.

483
00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:18,532
You just tense

484
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,363
'cause of all the damn
deceptions from my lie.

485
00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:22,293
[ Slurps ]
Ow!

486
00:16:22,326 --> 00:16:23,806
Ow! Ow! Ow!Git my foot out of your mouth!
Gross!

487
00:16:23,844 --> 00:16:26,094
Stop stomping on me,
you flat-footed bimbo!

488
00:16:26,123 --> 00:16:27,333
This is over.
I'm out.

489
00:16:27,365 --> 00:16:29,055
I was only
suckin' on your foot

490
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,541
'cause I felt sorry
for you!

491
00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:34,225
Muscadine Wine is over!

492
00:16:34,269 --> 00:16:36,099
Damn it! It's over!

493
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:38,073
Hm, these is
quality garments.

494
00:16:40,378 --> 00:16:42,238
What the hell
are you doing here?

495
00:16:42,277 --> 00:16:44,687
It's me. Rusty.
I came on this cruise to --

496
00:16:44,727 --> 00:16:46,517
To spy on my ass.
And where is Randy?

497
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:48,177
He's staying
with my mama.

498
00:16:48,214 --> 00:16:49,354
And your mama...

499
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:50,837
Remember we have
the same mama?

500
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:52,491
He ain't with me.

501
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:53,698
[ Munches ]

502
00:16:53,736 --> 00:16:55,256
I got me a deal
on a cruise.

503
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,570
[ Munches ]

504
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:58,361
Kids are boring.

505
00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,666
Where the hell
is my son?

506
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:02,568
Hey, take a chill pill,
man.

507
00:17:02,607 --> 00:17:06,157
I left him with some little dude
with a mustache.

508
00:17:06,197 --> 00:17:07,577
He seemed pretty cool.

509
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:10,862
[ Mid-tempo music
plays on TV]

510
00:17:10,891 --> 00:17:14,031
You're gonna want burnt sienna
for that king cab.

511
00:17:16,725 --> 00:17:19,755
You're my favorite
babysitter ever.

512
00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:23,867
♪♪

513
00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:26,184
[ Sniffles ]

514
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,187
[ Slurps,
inhales sharply ]

515
00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:31,709
♪♪

516
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,260
[ Slurps ]

517
00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:35,333
Send somebody up here
with a damn refill!

518
00:17:35,364 --> 00:17:36,754
[ Slurps ]

519
00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:38,779
More rum and less fruit
this sonofabitchin' time!

520
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:40,706
[ Sniffles, cries ]

521
00:17:40,749 --> 00:17:42,199
Well, that's some
impressive climbing

522
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,483
considering how drunk
you appear to be.

523
00:17:44,511 --> 00:17:46,201
Hell, Steve Earle,

524
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:48,617
I can get me a toehold
on this rock-climbing wall.

525
00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:51,663
But in my music career,
I'm a Goddamn failure!

526
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,421
I-I wouldn't say that.

527
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:56,561
I caught your very brief set
next to the shrimp buffet,

528
00:17:56,592 --> 00:17:58,492
and you and that girl
sounded good together,

529
00:17:58,525 --> 00:18:00,105
until she run off.

530
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:01,668
She is
out of the damn band!

531
00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:02,871
She is out of my life!

532
00:18:02,909 --> 00:18:04,359
Hell,
I'm out of my life!

533
00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:05,843
I'm out of
my Goddamn mind!

534
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,427
Hold up, brother.

535
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:08,875
Y-- you aren't thinking
of ending it, are you?

536
00:18:08,915 --> 00:18:11,495
Jumping off a rock-climbing wall
on a cruise ship?

537
00:18:11,538 --> 00:18:13,158
That ain't outlaw.

538
00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:14,745
What the hell do you know
about bein' an outlaw,

539
00:18:14,783 --> 00:18:16,373
Shooter Jennings?

540
00:18:16,405 --> 00:18:18,605
I've been arrested
for armed robbery 37 times

541
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:21,199
at the same
Goddamn convenience store.

542
00:18:21,238 --> 00:18:22,408
I never learn!

543
00:18:22,446 --> 00:18:23,926
[ Grunts, strains ]

544
00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:26,594
"Outlaw" ain't about
doin' things against the law.

545
00:18:26,622 --> 00:18:28,562
It's about
artistic freedom,

546
00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:32,730
workin' outside the machine,
doin' your own thing.

547
00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:35,216
Not playin' by the rules,
and listening to your gut.

548
00:18:35,252 --> 00:18:36,492
That's outlaw.

549
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:37,879
Nikki Lane?

550
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:40,839
Swimmin' upstream,
breakin' away from the pack.

551
00:18:40,878 --> 00:18:42,188
That's outlaw.

552
00:18:42,224 --> 00:18:43,784
Lucinda Williams?

553
00:18:43,812 --> 00:18:45,712
Marrying and divorcing
seven different women.

554
00:18:45,745 --> 00:18:47,745
Smoking crack,
weapons possession,

555
00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:49,371
failure to appear
in court.

556
00:18:49,404 --> 00:18:51,794
That's all pretty outlaw, too.
Right, Steve?

557
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:55,760
Ain't you supposed to be hostin'
the coozie swap on deck 16?

558
00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:57,719
Coozie swaps can be outlaw,
Steve.

559
00:18:57,757 --> 00:18:59,717
Yeah! Whatever helps you
sleep at night!

560
00:18:59,759 --> 00:19:01,619
Whatever helps your face
sleep at night.

561
00:19:01,657 --> 00:19:03,687
You might be an outlaw,
Early,

562
00:19:03,728 --> 00:19:05,208
but you sure
don't look it.

563
00:19:05,247 --> 00:19:06,897
What are you wearing
on your head anyways?

564
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,358
By God.
Is that real cadaver hair?

565
00:19:10,390 --> 00:19:11,910
[ Sighs ] You're right.

566
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,573
Everybody's right.

567
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,360
I've been workin' against my gut
this whole time!

568
00:19:16,396 --> 00:19:17,666
Staying within the lines!

569
00:19:17,708 --> 00:19:19,188
Following all the rules!

570
00:19:19,227 --> 00:19:21,877
Well, I say, no damn more!

571
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:23,469
-There you go!
-All right, now that's outlaw!

572
00:19:23,507 --> 00:19:25,717
-Right on, man.
-That's right, I'm an outlaw.

573
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,750
I've been following my pecker
instead of my artistic vision.

574
00:19:28,788 --> 00:19:30,928
I've got to be true
to who I am!

575
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:34,522
A foot-lickin' freak
who sangs for attention!

576
00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:35,902
Yeah!

577
00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,733
Well, that ain't outlaw,
sugar --

578
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:38,902
that's just weird.

579
00:19:38,936 --> 00:19:40,586
Don't you
kink shame me!

580
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,732
[ Music plays,
crowd cheers ]

581
00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:45,527
♪ Rustin' like a dove
in an iron cage ♪

582
00:19:45,563 --> 00:19:48,223
♪♪

583
00:19:48,256 --> 00:19:49,526
[ Cheers and applause ]

584
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:50,837
Thank ya.

585
00:19:50,879 --> 00:19:53,359
Y'all like outlaw country?

586
00:19:53,399 --> 00:19:56,749
Well, this sumbitch is
the biggest outlaw I know.

587
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:58,301
He's a good friend
of mine,

588
00:19:58,335 --> 00:20:00,885
and he's willing to grace us
with a song...

589
00:20:00,923 --> 00:20:03,583
Mr. Early Cuyler!

590
00:20:03,616 --> 00:20:05,026
Thank you, Steve.

591
00:20:05,065 --> 00:20:07,685
When I said I wanted
to play a song with you,

592
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,553
I fuckin lied!

593
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:10,797
All right!
Everybody on the floor!

594
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,590
Get your ass on the floor
right now!

595
00:20:12,625 --> 00:20:14,625
Pass all your purses and green
leafy moneys up in front!

596
00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:15,871
Come on!
Quick! Quick!

597
00:20:15,904 --> 00:20:17,984
I'll admit,
this is pretty outlaw.

598
00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,769
Shut up and unhook
your wallet chain.

599
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,394
I ain't shootin' skeet
here!

600
00:20:21,427 --> 00:20:22,737
I'm sorry about your band,

601
00:20:22,773 --> 00:20:24,913
and that I didn't
trust you, Tammi.

602
00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:26,877
But not completely sorry,
'cause look.

603
00:20:26,915 --> 00:20:28,565
Gimme all
them drink cards too!

604
00:20:28,606 --> 00:20:30,506
Them hurricanes
is 13 damn dollars a piece!

605
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:31,709
[ Slurps ]

606
00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:34,467
Yeah,
I guess you called it.

607
00:20:34,509 --> 00:20:36,509
Do you accept
my apology?

608
00:20:36,545 --> 00:20:37,785
Ew! Gross!

609
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:39,412
What the hell am I supposed
to do with it?

610
00:20:39,445 --> 00:20:41,375
All the shrimp in the buffet,
in this bag!

611
00:20:41,412 --> 00:20:42,662
Right now!

612
00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:44,476
Crushed ice too,
you moron!

613
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:46,619
You think I want to eat all this
in one sitting?

614
00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:48,279
Early, don't do this.

615
00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:49,766
Oh, well, now,
looky here.

616
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,390
She wants to be
back in the band!

617
00:20:51,422 --> 00:20:52,732
Well, tough toenails!

618
00:20:52,768 --> 00:20:54,628
'Cause this here
is a solo show!

619
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:55,907
Hell yeah, baby!

620
00:20:55,944 --> 00:20:57,574
Daddy, this has got
to be a felony.

621
00:20:57,601 --> 00:20:59,781
Shut up, millionaire
businessman from Ohio.

622
00:20:59,810 --> 00:21:01,640
You just write me a check
for a million dollars.

623
00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:04,574
And put it in this here bag
right now.

624
00:21:04,608 --> 00:21:07,578
And if any of y'all
try to find me,

625
00:21:07,611 --> 00:21:09,541
you'll get
a face full of ink.

626
00:21:09,578 --> 00:21:11,408
[ Grunts ]

627
00:21:11,442 --> 00:21:13,512
That's just a damn taste
of what you gon' get.

628
00:21:13,548 --> 00:21:15,308
So long, suckas!

629
00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:17,693
You know he's got no idea
how to swim.

630
00:21:17,724 --> 00:21:19,044
Help! I can't swim!

631
00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,560
I can't swim! Damn!
Aah!

632
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:23,590
We need to throw him
a life preserver, right?

633
00:21:23,627 --> 00:21:24,797
I can't swim!

634
00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:26,795
Uh...right?

635
00:21:26,837 --> 00:21:31,387
Well, I mean,
he's pretty far away now.

636
00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:33,668
Shrimp, line up
in an orderly fashion

637
00:21:33,706 --> 00:21:35,916
and pull me to shore
like a dog sled!

638
00:21:35,949 --> 00:21:37,739
I am your aquatic king!

639
00:21:37,779 --> 00:21:39,469
Aah!

640
00:21:39,505 --> 00:21:42,055
Aah! Aah! Aah!

641
00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:43,343
Well...

642
00:21:43,371 --> 00:21:44,611
I hear there's

643
00:21:44,648 --> 00:21:48,758
a build-your-own po' boy
situation on deck 6.

644
00:21:48,790 --> 00:21:51,070
Yeah,
it's been a long day.

645
00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,592
A self-made po' boy

646
00:21:52,621 --> 00:21:54,421
would hit the spot
right about now.

647
00:21:54,451 --> 00:21:55,871
Yeah! Po' boys!
Whoo!

648
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,040
Aah!
Throw me a life preserver!

649
00:21:58,075 --> 00:22:00,005
Aah! Aah! Aah!

650
00:22:07,153 --> 00:22:09,573
[ Dolphin calling ]

651
00:22:13,090 --> 00:22:16,960
Early: ♪ Made in Georgia