1
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,929
<i> My dreams are all dead and buried</i>

2
00:00:11,639 --> 00:00:15,803
<i> Sometimes I wish the sun
would just explode</i>

3
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:20,937
<i> When God comes
and calls me to His kingdom</i>

4
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:25,480
<i> I'll take all you sons of bitches
when I go</i>

5
00:00:29,156 --> 00:00:30,589
- My turn.
- Hell, no.

6
00:00:30,624 --> 00:00:33,787
- Man, let me drive that thing. Come on!
- Do not touch the trim!

7
00:00:36,897 --> 00:00:41,095
Racial tension has divided
this country for far too long...

8
00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:46,266
and now it threatens to claim
America's favorite animated family.

9
00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:50,004
Santa Claus is dead!

10
00:00:50,044 --> 00:00:54,208
- Your mama's white.
- No, it's a damn lie! I can jump. See?

11
00:00:57,051 --> 00:01:01,920
Cargo slacks are a breeze
at Old Air Force, starting at $14.99.

12
00:01:01,956 --> 00:01:06,916
- No!
- Rusty! Rusty! Be still, boy.

13
00:01:06,961 --> 00:01:10,829
There's only five laps to go, and ol'
Dick Trickle's about to win this sombitch!

14
00:01:10,865 --> 00:01:12,856
Don't let him draft you, dick.

15
00:01:13,934 --> 00:01:15,196
What the?

16
00:01:15,236 --> 00:01:16,726
Hell fire, damn!

17
00:01:16,771 --> 00:01:21,333
- Daddy, I need to know once and for all...
- Oh, damn it, not this again.

18
00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:27,007
I told you, boy, if your mama's white,
then that makes me a damn chalkie lover.

19
00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:29,607
Now, do I look like
a chalkie lover to you?

20
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:32,380
I don't know, Daddy.
You do drink a lot.

21
00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:34,717
Yes, I do, and I fight.

22
00:01:34,755 --> 00:01:37,349
But some other
crazy sombitch is the one...

23
00:01:37,391 --> 00:01:41,088
what bangulated and pregnified
that white woman. It's not I!

24
00:01:41,128 --> 00:01:43,494
So you're saying
my mama was white?

25
00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:47,598
- Wait a minute. What did I say?
- You said my mama was white...

26
00:01:47,635 --> 00:01:50,365
and you ain't the crazy sombitch
that bangulated and pregnified her.

27
00:01:50,404 --> 00:01:54,807
Your mama
was a vision in alabaster...

28
00:01:54,842 --> 00:01:57,242
a white lily of the field...

29
00:01:57,278 --> 00:02:01,647
rich with scented pollen
and the sweet odor of the morning mist...

30
00:02:01,682 --> 00:02:03,673
Diet morning mist, actually...

31
00:02:03,717 --> 00:02:07,551
although sometimes she would drink
the regular if they was out of diet.

32
00:02:07,588 --> 00:02:09,954
She was enormous.

33
00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:14,552
Lord, did I love her,
for 32 frenetic seconds.

34
00:02:15,996 --> 00:02:17,429
The loving was good.

35
00:02:17,464 --> 00:02:21,560
- Yeah, I remember that lying whore.
- Don't you talk about my mama like that.

36
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:24,537
- I mean she lies down a lot.
- I meant the 'whore' part.

37
00:02:25,506 --> 00:02:28,134
- Well, I'll stand by that.
- Bitch.

38
00:02:28,175 --> 00:02:31,042
Russell! You need
to respectify your Aunt Lil.

39
00:02:31,078 --> 00:02:34,912
She ain't some damn dirty-ass whore
that you can trash down, like your mama.

40
00:02:34,949 --> 00:02:37,543
Where my mama's at?
I want to meet her right now!

41
00:02:37,585 --> 00:02:42,818
Well, get back there on the roof.
You can see her fat ass from three states.

42
00:02:42,857 --> 00:02:45,951
That's fine. Yeah,
you just go on ahead and meet her.

43
00:02:45,993 --> 00:02:48,052
Just remember,
I never touched her.

44
00:02:48,095 --> 00:02:52,259
Well, then there's one of me.

45
00:02:52,299 --> 00:02:56,201
Here's one of them, what you call,
them glamour shots and what have you.

46
00:02:57,538 --> 00:03:00,939
What do you know? There's me.
Nope, that's a bus.

47
00:03:00,975 --> 00:03:03,000
Am I in any of these pictures, mama?

48
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:05,978
Well... Well, look at this one.

49
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:09,005
I'm about eight months pregnant
with you in this one.

50
00:03:09,049 --> 00:03:12,143
<i>Yeah, I sent that in
to Spank magazine.</i>

51
00:03:12,186 --> 00:03:15,383
Fools rejected it.
You'd print this, wouldn't you?

52
00:03:15,422 --> 00:03:18,391
My daddy said you was
like a huge dollop of sour cream.

53
00:03:18,425 --> 00:03:22,794
- Rich and zesty, with a little bit of bite.
- How is your daddy?

54
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:25,594
Oh, he's good.
Just got out of prison not too long ago...

55
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:28,329
No, I'm sorry. Who?
I mean, who's your daddy?

56
00:03:28,369 --> 00:03:31,600
- Anybody I know?
- Early Cuyler?

57
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,732
- Tall guy?
- No.

58
00:03:33,774 --> 00:03:34,934
- Big belly?
- No.

59
00:03:34,975 --> 00:03:36,067
- Red hair?
- Not the one.

60
00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:38,408
- Kind of look like Charlie Sheen?
- Not him, neither.

61
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:41,278
- Or is Charlie Sheen?
- No, not Charlie Sheen.

62
00:03:41,315 --> 00:03:43,408
- Is he a football team?
- No.

63
00:03:43,450 --> 00:03:46,681
Is he the ground keeping crew
for the football team?

64
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,211
- No.
- Are you sure it's not Charlie Sheen?

65
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:52,555
No, mama! Early Cuyler
is the name. About yea high.

66
00:03:52,593 --> 00:03:55,460
I've been told we look alike,
especially in the eye region.

67
00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:58,522
Same shape of the eyes,
you know, right here?

68
00:03:58,565 --> 00:04:01,033
Well, your daddy, whoever he was...

69
00:04:01,068 --> 00:04:06,131
surely we loved each other
for a period of time.

70
00:04:06,173 --> 00:04:10,007
Of that I am... pretty sure.

71
00:04:11,545 --> 00:04:14,207
Mama, why did you give me up?

72
00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:20,153
Baby doll, it would kill me
to have you to grow up with a mama...

73
00:04:20,187 --> 00:04:26,786
that didn't love you or care for you
or couldn't benefit from you in any way.

74
00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:30,923
- Now do you understand?
- I reckon.

75
00:04:30,965 --> 00:04:35,061
All that matters
is that we're together now, right, mama?

76
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:37,036
Bring mama a TV.

77
00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,275
Son, where do you think
you're taking that demon box?

78
00:04:42,309 --> 00:04:44,277
I got to provide for my mama now.

79
00:04:44,311 --> 00:04:47,075
OK. All right.
You can tell that old fat-ass bitch...

80
00:04:47,114 --> 00:04:49,639
I don't remember nothing
about her, neither!

81
00:04:49,683 --> 00:04:51,617
Did she ask about me?

82
00:04:57,257 --> 00:04:59,521
I asked if she asked about me!

83
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,553
Yep, it's a good life out in nature.

84
00:05:03,597 --> 00:05:08,193
I ain't never having to go back
and forth and in and out.

85
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:14,003
No EMTs cutting
the doors away out here.

86
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:15,474
Do white people do anything else...

87
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:18,034
besides sponge-mop the cracks
in their mamas' back fat?

88
00:05:18,078 --> 00:05:22,981
That's a good question, little thing.
Let's check the TV.

89
00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:24,382
For real, yeah.

90
00:05:24,418 --> 00:05:27,114
I mean, when
black folks use a napkin, they all like...

91
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:30,180
"Damn! that was some good ribs!"
rub it all over they faces.

92
00:05:30,224 --> 00:05:33,591
And white folks, they all dabbing
the corner of they mouth and...

93
00:05:33,627 --> 00:05:37,723
like they taking some sort of fingerprint.
"What a pleasurable meal!"

94
00:05:37,765 --> 00:05:39,596
Tiger, please.

95
00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:44,231
What a pleasurable meal.
I am a white guy.

96
00:05:44,271 --> 00:05:46,739
- Like that, mama?
- Yeah, son.

97
00:05:46,774 --> 00:05:51,074
Why don't you roll me over, pumpkin?
I feel a sore coming on.

98
00:05:55,215 --> 00:06:00,243
- I told them I couldn't fly a helicopter.
- I told you I ain't moving, Sheriff.

99
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:04,689
You've got to take me
in dead or alive.

100
00:06:04,725 --> 00:06:07,990
The statute of limitations
passed on that loitering charge.

101
00:06:09,029 --> 00:06:13,363
Congratulations, Krystal.
You've been recognized as a landmark.

102
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,334
What a pleasurable Sheriff.

103
00:06:15,369 --> 00:06:19,567
Rusty, what you doing down here?
Getting a little piece?

104
00:06:21,575 --> 00:06:23,270
I should be outlawed.

105
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:26,245
You ain't gonna talk about
my mama like that, you son of a bitch!

106
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:31,047
Mother? How old are you, Rusty?
You about 15?

107
00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:33,178
Give or take, as the crow flies.

108
00:06:34,455 --> 00:06:37,720
Fifteen years ago,
the world was a much different place.

109
00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:39,885
The Berlin Wall had just crumbled.

110
00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:44,057
I thought I could handle cocaine.
I really did.

111
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:45,827
I lost everything.

112
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:48,164
And a young deputy sheriff
was learning...

113
00:06:48,202 --> 00:06:51,535
that you can't defy
the laws of love or nature.

114
00:06:51,572 --> 00:06:55,303
I got a report here that says
you won't leave the premises.

115
00:06:55,342 --> 00:06:57,606
Are you staging one of them protests?

116
00:06:57,644 --> 00:07:01,444
I's staging a wet T-shirt contest.

117
00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:06,180
You hang around a while,
and you might just get to judge.

118
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:07,687
And there it was...

119
00:07:07,721 --> 00:07:11,122
The very first nipple
the Sheriff had ever seen.

120
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,989
Shove this in your eyeballs.

121
00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:17,520
Interestingly enough, it was also
the first lawn sprinkler he had ever seen.

122
00:07:18,499 --> 00:07:21,229
So between the nipple
and the lawn sprinkler...

123
00:07:21,268 --> 00:07:25,170
the glistening young
deputy sheriff became a man.

124
00:07:25,205 --> 00:07:27,435
I'm free! I'm free!

125
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:33,505
- Rusty, I am your daddy.
- Oh, you think?

126
00:07:33,547 --> 00:07:38,610
Oh, yeah. Yeah, just look at the shape
of our eyes. Exactly the same.

127
00:07:38,652 --> 00:07:43,180
Krystal, I suppose
we ought to get married.

128
00:07:43,223 --> 00:07:45,384
- What for?
- Come on.

129
00:07:45,425 --> 00:07:47,450
You and I both know
what happened, hmm?

130
00:07:47,494 --> 00:07:51,294
About 15 years ago on this very spot.

131
00:07:51,331 --> 00:07:53,663
You made me play pattycake.

132
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,227
Unprotected pattycake.
This has happened, son.

133
00:07:57,271 --> 00:08:01,901
Well, now, la di da.
Howdy doody to you, Krystal.

134
00:08:01,942 --> 00:08:04,809
- Early.
- It's been many years, but you...

135
00:08:04,845 --> 00:08:07,245
- You ain't moved a bit.
- Be respectful now.

136
00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:09,545
This woman here
is the mother of my child.

137
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:13,212
Your child? Hell, no.
This here is my boy.

138
00:08:13,253 --> 00:08:15,949
And yeah, that's his mama.

139
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:19,390
But you, you're probably
the one that had the sexuals with her.

140
00:08:19,426 --> 00:08:23,192
I refuse to touch the soft,
creamy, plump...

141
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:24,356
Damn!

142
00:08:24,398 --> 00:08:27,060
Get your filthy squid hands
off of my hinter land.

143
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,035
I love you. I'll kill you, bitch!

144
00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:32,504
- Early?
- No, Daddy, no!

145
00:08:32,539 --> 00:08:34,905
I told you, Rusty.
I'm your baby daddy.

146
00:08:34,942 --> 00:08:37,035
- Daddy.
- Sheriff.

147
00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:42,306
There's only one way
to capture the elusive bunfish.

148
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,945
- Ain't that what you was talking about?
- No.

149
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:48,250
We were discussing
this boy's paternity.

150
00:08:49,389 --> 00:08:52,153
I couldn't hear 'cause I was down there.

151
00:08:52,192 --> 00:08:54,217
Whose bicycle is this?

152
00:08:54,928 --> 00:08:58,955
Rusty? Piss on that there rabbit.
If he dies, I'm your daddy.

153
00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:01,900
Early, there's more scientific ways
of doing this.

154
00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:05,835
Do it anyway.

155
00:09:05,872 --> 00:09:10,172
So, we'll apply a presecreted bladder fluid
to the exoderm of this furry mammal...

156
00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:14,544
and we'll look for signs of mortification
or terminalicity of the affected region.

157
00:09:14,581 --> 00:09:17,846
So I'm gonna need
a urine sample from you and you.

158
00:09:17,884 --> 00:09:19,476
Well, I pee sitting down.

159
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:23,285
Any approach you choose is fine.
Excuse me, sir?

160
00:09:23,323 --> 00:09:25,848
Sir, not in my plastic ficus, please. It's...

161
00:09:25,892 --> 00:09:28,725
Relax, brainiac.
I filled your jar up.

162
00:09:28,762 --> 00:09:30,855
My goodness!
This looks to be...

163
00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:33,627
about 80 proof
straight bourbon whiskey.

164
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:35,857
Give it back!

165
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:37,767
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

166
00:09:39,539 --> 00:09:42,804
Congratulations.
Somebody's pregnant.

167
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:47,007
Actually, doctor, we're here to find out
who the daddy is.

168
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:50,141
Of who? This rabbit?
This is dead.

169
00:09:50,183 --> 00:09:52,242
No, not the rabbit.
The boy there.

170
00:09:54,254 --> 00:09:57,690
I'm afraid science
can't tell us everything, little man.

171
00:09:57,724 --> 00:10:01,091
- Now, that's interesting.
- What?

172
00:10:01,128 --> 00:10:03,756
This rabbit's been hit by a hammer.

173
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:05,924
Well, let me get
my vaporologist in here.

174
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:07,399
Dr. Bug, get in here.

175
00:10:18,278 --> 00:10:20,337
This rabbit's been hit by a hammer.

176
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:23,747
Yep. Sure has.

177
00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,513
Is that why you dragged me in here?

178
00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:29,351
Dr. Bug, have a look at these various
smokes and vapors.

179
00:10:29,389 --> 00:10:32,950
- Do you see what I'm seeing?
- I reckon so, yeah, and all them.

180
00:10:32,993 --> 00:10:35,291
Your young un over there
is an only child.

181
00:10:35,329 --> 00:10:37,661
If it's purple, doesn't it mean
he has a twin brother?

182
00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:42,829
Shut the ... up, man!
Only child. You're an only child.

183
00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,839
Squids!
You're a squid, right?

184
00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:50,934
Shut the ... up, Jerry.
Only child. Only child.

185
00:10:50,977 --> 00:10:54,936
No twin. Only child.

186
00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:02,720
Man, I should be outlawed.

187
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:10,000
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