1
00:00:23,784 --> 00:00:26,048
Man: It's alive!
2
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,770
I want my phone call!
3
00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:46,376
Payphone's on the wall.
4
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,282
Hello?
5
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,349
I love you.
6
00:00:52,747 --> 00:00:54,846
Ah, success!
7
00:00:54,881 --> 00:00:58,080
To achieve it, you need power,
unbridled ambition,
8
00:00:58,115 --> 00:01:01,721
and a full head
of luxurious hair!
9
00:01:01,756 --> 00:01:04,361
Not every undead master of evil
has hair like mine,
10
00:01:04,396 --> 00:01:06,363
but trust me, Baron Dark,
11
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:09,025
when I say you can, too, people.
12
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:11,599
Why, this hair can withstand
even the harshest winds.
13
00:01:11,634 --> 00:01:14,338
I have to admit,
it's magnificent.
14
00:01:14,373 --> 00:01:15,636
Aah!
15
00:01:15,671 --> 00:01:17,671
Your hair is, like, glowing.
I have to say this.
16
00:01:17,706 --> 00:01:19,508
It never dries out
or gets frizzy from heat.
17
00:01:19,543 --> 00:01:22,181
I mean, how is that
even possible?
18
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:23,446
Ohh! Aah!
19
00:01:23,481 --> 00:01:25,811
It even looks great wet.
20
00:01:25,846 --> 00:01:27,109
What's my secret?
21
00:01:27,144 --> 00:01:29,320
The hair was a gift
from the Lightstar Crystal
22
00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:31,487
that turned me into
the Skeleton Warrior
23
00:01:31,522 --> 00:01:33,225
you see here before you today.
24
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,952
In my patented one-week program,
25
00:01:34,987 --> 00:01:37,823
its magic can give anyone
a beautiful head of hair.
26
00:01:37,858 --> 00:01:39,759
Even moi?
27
00:01:39,794 --> 00:01:41,233
Even you.
28
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,631
Yes! Yes!
29
00:01:43,666 --> 00:01:46,469
I have the power!
30
00:01:46,504 --> 00:01:49,098
Now who's master
- of the universe, He-
- Man?
31
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,609
An apple a day
keeps the doctor away.
32
00:01:54,644 --> 00:01:57,040
But what if you are a doctor?
33
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:02,012
You're 2 cents short.
34
00:02:02,047 --> 00:02:04,256
Oh, my eyes, my eyes!
35
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,819
Welcome to the first day
of Mommy and Me.
36
00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:10,427
And can I just say, it is
so refreshing to see a man
37
00:02:10,462 --> 00:02:13,529
helping with his child's
early development?
38
00:02:13,564 --> 00:02:16,697
I'm not sure
he is a child.
39
00:02:16,732 --> 00:02:18,666
You're a riot.
40
00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:20,899
Let's start off
with some airplane.
41
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:24,507
Oh, dear.
- Uh-oh.
42
00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:26,674
Looks like someone
had an accident.
43
00:02:26,709 --> 00:02:29,842
No worries. Let's try
a more relaxed activity.
44
00:02:29,877 --> 00:02:31,250
Why don't you sing him
a song?
45
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,351
I'm not really a singer.
46
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,550
Hello.
47
00:02:34,585 --> 00:02:36,618
Why, hello.
Is this Mommy?
48
00:02:36,653 --> 00:02:39,049
No, she just lives
in my radiator.
49
00:02:39,084 --> 00:02:42,184
Oh, we are totally supportive
of alternative families.
50
00:02:42,219 --> 00:02:44,461
Why did you sing him
"Rock-a-bye, Baby"?
51
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:48,300
♪ Rock-a-bye, baby ♪
52
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:52,095
♪ On the treetop ♪
53
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,999
♪ When the wind blows ♪
54
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:57,408
Oh, boy.
55
00:02:57,443 --> 00:02:59,377
When was the last time
you changed his diaper?
56
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,808
Oh...never.
- No wonder.
57
00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:03,810
Let's get you cleaned up here,
little guy.
58
00:03:03,845 --> 00:03:05,251
Uh...eww.
59
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,978
Oh, my God!
60
00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:08,881
Nothing a little
baby powder can't solve.
61
00:03:10,016 --> 00:03:11,851
Oh, here.
- Tuck those organs in there.
62
00:03:11,886 --> 00:03:12,852
Just like
a little burrito.
63
00:03:12,887 --> 00:03:13,985
There we go.
64
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,625
So that's
how you swaddle a baby.
65
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:19,397
I was going to kill him,
but now I kind of like him.
66
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:20,728
Wonderful!
67
00:03:20,763 --> 00:03:21,960
You guys are...
68
00:03:26,835 --> 00:03:28,098
Steak or the fish?
69
00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,099
The fish, please.
70
00:03:29,134 --> 00:03:31,200
And for you?
71
00:03:31,235 --> 00:03:34,280
Now's your chance. Be a part
of the "Robot Chicken" action.
72
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,349
What should the werewolf say?
Tweet your answer.
73
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,583
You are awesome and funny,
and now's your chance.
74
00:03:40,618 --> 00:03:42,178
What should the werewolf say?
75
00:03:42,213 --> 00:03:44,851
This is your chance
to write for "Robot Chicken."
76
00:03:44,886 --> 00:03:47,249
Take your shot. Do it now.
77
00:03:47,284 --> 00:03:48,492
Here's the winner.
78
00:03:48,527 --> 00:03:50,725
This is the funniest tweet.
79
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:51,825
And for you?
80
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,025
I'll have the fish.
81
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:56,192
You love Shark Week,
and this year, we're giving you
82
00:03:56,227 --> 00:03:58,469
a week dedicated
to something even better.
83
00:03:58,504 --> 00:04:01,164
It's Mark Week, an entire week
of programing dedicated
84
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:02,770
to everything Mark!
85
00:04:02,805 --> 00:04:04,343
Mark your calendar
because we have
86
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,202
tons of Mark-centric shows
you don't want to miss.
87
00:04:06,237 --> 00:04:07,544
Like "Mark Cuban's Mark Tank,"
88
00:04:07,579 --> 00:04:08,974
a show where people named Mark
89
00:04:09,009 --> 00:04:10,778
pitch business marks
to Mark Cuban with markers.
90
00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:12,714
And "Mark Zuckerberg,"
a show where Mark Zuckerberg
91
00:04:12,749 --> 00:04:14,782
marks his mark on the world
while making waves.
92
00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:17,818
And mark my words. You don't
want to miss the Mark event.
93
00:04:17,853 --> 00:04:20,051
The world premiere of
Mark Burnett's new reality mark
94
00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:21,822
"A Roomful of Marks," the show
that puts famous Marks
95
00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:23,395
into a small mark, where
they're forced to injure Marks
96
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,990
over Marks in Mark form.
97
00:04:25,025 --> 00:04:27,597
Because Mark Week starts this
Monday. Go and discover Mark.
98
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:30,864
This band sucks.
I'm going to the bathroom.
99
00:04:30,899 --> 00:04:34,164
Hurry back.
- They could be the next Beatles.
100
00:04:34,199 --> 00:04:35,638
Such a great band, right?
101
00:04:35,673 --> 00:04:38,344
The music touches my soul
in a deep way
102
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,709
only artists
could understand.
103
00:04:40,744 --> 00:04:43,910
I'm Whisper. Hey, want to come
backstage and meet the band?
104
00:04:43,945 --> 00:04:45,274
I guess we're touching.
105
00:04:45,309 --> 00:04:47,683
Odd Bird, this is Daria.
Oh. Hello.
106
00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:50,279
She said your music
touched her deeply.
107
00:04:50,314 --> 00:04:52,754
Daria, you are clearly
a very smart girl.
108
00:04:52,789 --> 00:04:54,558
I'm having an afterparty
at my ranch tonight
109
00:04:54,593 --> 00:04:56,560
with some
- very like-minded people.
110
00:04:56,595 --> 00:04:58,364
I think you should join us.
- Wow.
111
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:02,764
An invitation to a mysterious
ranch by a creepy stranger.
112
00:05:02,799 --> 00:05:04,601
How could I pass that up?
113
00:05:04,636 --> 00:05:06,966
Hope you make me drink
- some sort of Kool-
- Aid now.
114
00:05:07,001 --> 00:05:11,036
Of course. Daria, we are
a group of very special people.
115
00:05:11,071 --> 00:05:13,940
We've been chosen by God
to reach the kingdom of heaven
116
00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:16,107
via
- an extraterrestrial spacecraft.
117
00:05:16,142 --> 00:05:18,549
Our master,
an alien named Slumu,
118
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:20,518
will be escorting us there tonight.
119
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:21,717
Oh, joy.
120
00:05:21,752 --> 00:05:25,347
Let's bring out
- the branding iron, shall we?
121
00:05:25,382 --> 00:05:28,119
I'm just gonna use
the bathroom first.
122
00:05:28,154 --> 00:05:30,286
My sarcastic tone
keeps digging me
123
00:05:30,321 --> 00:05:33,322
deeper and deeper into trouble.
I need to escape.
124
00:05:33,357 --> 00:05:36,435
Daria, are you ready to ascend
in a flying saucer
125
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,966
armed with magic more powerful
than the greatest human armies?
126
00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:41,363
Absolutely.
127
00:05:41,398 --> 00:05:43,233
Back on my bullshit.
128
00:05:43,268 --> 00:05:45,367
All right, everyone.
Cin cin!
129
00:05:45,402 --> 00:05:47,842
Mm-mm-mm.
130
00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:50,075
Well, there go
all my best friends.
131
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,583
What happened?
132
00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,585
They did not wait for us.
- Oops.
133
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:58,556
Guess I'm
the only chosen one.
134
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,316
Ready for your anal probe?
135
00:06:00,351 --> 00:06:03,429
Sounds like a real treat.
136
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,925
Back on my bullshit.
137
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:08,632
Were all dinosaurs
as nice as you, Barney?
138
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,062
Why, yes, Kayla.
139
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,329
I love you.
140
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:14,803
You love me.
141
00:06:14,838 --> 00:06:17,575
I love you.
You love me.
142
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:20,842
I love you. You love me.
143
00:06:20,877 --> 00:06:23,746
You love me. I love you.
I love you. You love me.
144
00:06:23,781 --> 00:06:25,011
Hey, what's that?
145
00:06:26,113 --> 00:06:27,750
- Uh-oh!
- Ohhh!
146
00:06:27,785 --> 00:06:30,720
After the scientists thawed me
out and restarted my organs
147
00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,920
with a cocktail
of various lizard bloods,
148
00:06:32,955 --> 00:06:37,089
I got to work forging
the license to run a daycare.
149
00:06:37,124 --> 00:06:38,288
'Kay.
150
00:06:38,323 --> 00:06:40,730
At least pretend
to be interested, Kayla.
151
00:06:40,765 --> 00:06:42,094
'Kay.
152
00:06:42,129 --> 00:06:43,799
All my friends are dead.
153
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,394
'Kay.
154
00:06:45,429 --> 00:06:46,538
Fuck you, Kayla.
155
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:47,836
'Kay.
156
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:50,036
Yeah,
- being a venture capitalist
157
00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,301
means seeking out
new opportunities,
158
00:06:51,336 --> 00:06:52,973
but what the hell
is this place?
159
00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:55,008
- The planet MS Paint-a-
- Bot?
160
00:06:55,043 --> 00:06:57,912
Hi. I'm Todd,
and this is my world.
161
00:06:57,947 --> 00:06:59,144
ToddWorld!
162
00:06:59,179 --> 00:07:01,443
Hi, Todd.
Does your world have dentists?
163
00:07:01,478 --> 00:07:02,983
Look at this guy's mouth.
164
00:07:03,018 --> 00:07:04,721
Dude,
you only have one tooth.
165
00:07:04,756 --> 00:07:06,690
How do you bite
through wide foods?
166
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,318
Like theoretically
a slice of cheese?
167
00:07:08,353 --> 00:07:10,562
Todd,
we're venture capitalists.
168
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,499
We want to invest
in immersive environments.
169
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,424
Neato mosquito!
170
00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:17,503
This week, we visited
Jurassic World,
171
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,362
Westworld, and Murderworld.
172
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,606
And let me tell you,
bro-ham, ToddWorld
173
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:25,236
better show us something
if it wants our seed money.
174
00:07:25,271 --> 00:07:27,469
Hmm.
Oh, my friend Pickle
175
00:07:27,504 --> 00:07:29,405
is about to play
a concert with his band.
176
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:30,549
Hells yeah!
177
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,683
Groupies and coke!
Grokies!
178
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:35,147
I hear we have some tech bros
in the house.
179
00:07:35,182 --> 00:07:36,852
Anyone want to join in?
180
00:07:36,887 --> 00:07:38,689
Hell yeah.
I played sax in high school.
181
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,285
Oh, yeah, here it comes.
1, 2, 3, 4!
182
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,957
♪ This is the best song ♪
183
00:07:42,992 --> 00:07:44,629
♪ Future Grammy winner ♪
184
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,962
♪ If the melody is strong, you
can have the beat for dinner ♪
185
00:07:49,493 --> 00:07:51,900
Stop playing!
186
00:07:51,935 --> 00:07:54,463
This song is a pile
of burning cow shit!
187
00:07:54,498 --> 00:07:56,168
Yeah, but my sax was good,
right?
188
00:07:56,203 --> 00:07:59,039
Your sax sounded like Ned Beatty
getting ass-fucked
189
00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:01,910
with a VHS copy
of "Deliverance"!
190
00:08:01,945 --> 00:08:04,275
And, uh, that's okay.
191
00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,244
Stella doesn't have
to like your music.
192
00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:08,378
All that matters
is whether you like it.
193
00:08:08,413 --> 00:08:09,819
That's today's lesson.
194
00:08:09,854 --> 00:08:13,020
Yes! I think we should invest
all our money in ToddWorld.
195
00:08:13,055 --> 00:08:14,153
Me too.
196
00:08:14,188 --> 00:08:16,287
Let's get out of here.
197
00:08:16,322 --> 00:08:19,059
Today's real lesson
is how venture capitalists
198
00:08:19,094 --> 00:08:21,226
are emotionally stunted,
dysfunctional voids
199
00:08:21,261 --> 00:08:22,568
who invest in any product
200
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,493
that replicates
a true human experience.
201
00:08:24,528 --> 00:08:26,935
Yeah, and in six months,
they'll sell us to Facebook
202
00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:29,399
for billions
- more than they paid for us.
203
00:08:32,371 --> 00:08:35,504
Ask not what your country
can do for you.
204
00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:38,210
Why do I need a country
that doesn't do anything?
205
00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:40,817
Ask what you can do
for your country.
206
00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:42,478
Sounds like a pretty
one-way street.
207
00:08:42,513 --> 00:08:44,689
Hey, pal, I don't come down
to where you work
208
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,449
and slap the dick
out of your mouth.
209
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,023
I think you're confusing me
with Marilyn Monroe.
210
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:52,158
Burn.
The president's been roasted!
211
00:08:52,193 --> 00:08:55,766
Time to pay my yearly respects
to you, Mom and Dad.
212
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:57,768
What the...
Where did this come from?
213
00:08:57,803 --> 00:09:00,496
Yeah, hey, man, if you want to
get in, you got to buy a ticket.
214
00:09:00,531 --> 00:09:03,070
Hello? I'm Bruce Wayne.
215
00:09:03,105 --> 00:09:05,677
Wayne family members
get a 10% discount.
216
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,338
Oh,
- always nice to be included.
217
00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:10,374
Welcome to the Thomas and
Martha Wayne Murder Alley Tour.
218
00:09:10,409 --> 00:09:12,046
Sadly, their lives
were cut short
219
00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:14,653
only a few hundred yards
from where we stand.
220
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,787
The evening began here
at Giussepe's.
221
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:19,119
Uh, no, this restaurant
wasn't even here.
222
00:09:19,154 --> 00:09:21,286
As you can see
- from the receipt on the wall,
223
00:09:21,321 --> 00:09:23,695
Thomas had the angel hair
in pink sauce.
224
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,092
Martha had the walnut shrimp.
225
00:09:25,127 --> 00:09:26,929
I highly recommend that,
by the way.
226
00:09:26,964 --> 00:09:28,458
And Bruce had
the grilled cheese.
227
00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:29,668
This is all wrong.
228
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,132
Walnut shrimp?
- She was allergic to shellfish.
229
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:34,002
And cheese
gives me diarrhea.
230
00:09:34,037 --> 00:09:36,136
The receipt was found
in Thomas' wallet.
231
00:09:36,171 --> 00:09:38,006
After being examined
as evidence,
232
00:09:38,041 --> 00:09:39,645
it was given
to the Wayne Foundation.
233
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,538
They graciously allow it
to be displayed here today.
234
00:09:42,573 --> 00:09:44,749
Okay, one, the police
don't just turn over evidence
235
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:47,884
in an ongoing case, and,
two, his wallet was stolen.
236
00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:50,381
After dinner, the family
came to see this movie --
237
00:09:50,416 --> 00:09:52,317
"Benji's Very Own
Christmas Story."
238
00:09:52,352 --> 00:09:54,693
What?!
I hate those movies.
239
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,991
We saw
"The Legend of Zorro."
240
00:09:56,026 --> 00:09:57,993
They left early
because their son, Bruce,
241
00:09:58,028 --> 00:10:00,391
was frightened of the elves
and accidentally wet his pants.
242
00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:01,524
No, wait.
243
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:05,561
Yes, that was
a very good Benji movie.
244
00:10:05,596 --> 00:10:08,267
Ooh!
I done wet me pants, guv'nor.
245
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,743
Jesus fucking Christ.
246
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,140
Give me all your money.
247
00:10:13,175 --> 00:10:14,944
And pearls.
I love pearls.
248
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:17,606
Oh, please, shoot my wife
and pants-wetting son,
249
00:10:17,641 --> 00:10:20,147
but leave me alone.
This is slander.
250
00:10:20,182 --> 00:10:23,018
Uh-oh!
I done pissed in me pants again.
251
00:10:23,053 --> 00:10:24,855
No, this is not what happened.
252
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,516
You're raising bed wetters?
253
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:27,990
I'll kill you for that.
254
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,189
Blam!
- Oh, my goodness.
255
00:10:29,224 --> 00:10:30,795
No.
256
00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:33,765
Blam, blam!
- Aah!
257
00:10:34,691 --> 00:10:36,592
I'm rich!
258
00:10:36,627 --> 00:10:38,671
This is an outrage!
259
00:10:40,532 --> 00:10:41,773
Oh, it's in my face!
260
00:10:42,974 --> 00:10:44,666
Why would you use
actual pee?
261
00:10:45,977 --> 00:10:47,911
Please exit through
the gift shop.
262
00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:51,013
Wow, this ring-spun
cotton is really soft.
263
00:10:51,048 --> 00:10:53,345
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
264
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:55,281
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
265
00:10:55,316 --> 00:10:57,580
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
266
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,516
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
267
00:10:59,551 --> 00:11:01,958
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
268
00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,828
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
269
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,258
Ba-gawk!
270
00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:06,732
Man: Bawk.