1
00:00:23,883 --> 00:00:26,257
It's alive!
2
00:00:43,507 --> 00:00:45,375
Oh, my God.
We're gonna die!
3
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,707
I didn't want to do this
in the first place!
4
00:00:47,742 --> 00:00:49,115
We're gonna die.
5
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,644
Oh, no,
it's happening!
6
00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,316
- Ah!
- Oh, phew.
7
00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,746
- Whew!
- Wow, I saw my life flash before my eyes.
8
00:00:53,781 --> 00:00:55,286
- We really avoided --
- That was terrible.
9
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,123
Ah, I thought that
- was gonna be so much worse.
10
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,422
- Aww, look at the goose!
- That's so cute.
11
00:00:59,457 --> 00:01:00,885
- So cute, look at that goose.
- Oh, that's so cool.
12
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,727
I heard she took
a two-foot shit.
13
00:01:07,762 --> 00:01:08,893
For real?
14
00:01:11,095 --> 00:01:13,139
Finally,
home after a long day
15
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,406
of being the first president
of the United States.
16
00:01:16,441 --> 00:01:18,034
Who are you?!
17
00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:19,706
I'm George Washington Barbie.
18
00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:21,037
This is my life.
19
00:01:21,072 --> 00:01:23,908
Are you saying you want to
kill me and then pose as me,
20
00:01:23,943 --> 00:01:25,074
George Washington,
21
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,615
a man who is 6'3",
has wooden teeth,
22
00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:30,618
and is the President
of the United States?
23
00:01:30,653 --> 00:01:32,587
I cannot tell a lie.
24
00:01:32,622 --> 00:01:33,852
Ah!
25
00:01:33,887 --> 00:01:35,491
Now to complete
my look.
26
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,761
Hmm.
27
00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:43,169
Ahhh!
28
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,737
Mm, perfect!
29
00:01:50,772 --> 00:01:52,068
Hello, Mr. Washington.
30
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,179
You shrunk, Sir.
31
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,511
Hi, John Adams.
Cute wig.
32
00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:57,348
I am so sorry,
- I don't want to ask this,
33
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:00,109
but aren't you
supposed to be a guy?
34
00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:01,715
I am.
35
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:03,288
Well, the teeth
are accurate.
36
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,883
And check this out.
37
00:02:04,918 --> 00:02:07,259
Does this look like
a girl part to you?
38
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,458
I don't know if you know this, sir,
39
00:02:08,493 --> 00:02:10,328
but your penis
has termites.
40
00:02:11,925 --> 00:02:13,496
Ahh!
41
00:02:13,531 --> 00:02:17,434
I declare the White House
a dream house.
42
00:02:18,668 --> 00:02:20,965
Man: George Washington Barbie
never told a lie,
43
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,033
except for the lie
that she was George Washington,
44
00:02:23,068 --> 00:02:25,607
although she was
George Washington Barbie.
45
00:02:25,642 --> 00:02:26,608
The end.
46
00:02:31,076 --> 00:02:34,616
Oh, man.
- You have insurance, right?
47
00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:35,419
Nope.
48
00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:37,355
Oh, man.
49
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:40,985
Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back"
is my favorite movie.
50
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:43,823
"Luke, I am your father."
51
00:02:43,858 --> 00:02:47,189
Darth Vader:
No, I am your father.
52
00:02:47,224 --> 00:02:49,565
That's not the line.
53
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,194
Young nerd,
- Darth Vader never said "Luke"
54
00:02:52,229 --> 00:02:53,239
in that famous line.
55
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:56,198
The ghost of Nelson Mandela.
56
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:59,135
You're experiencing
the Mandela effect.
57
00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,412
It's named for
- a collective false memory.
58
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,447
Like when people
- remember me dying in prison
59
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:06,780
in the '80s when I actually died
at home in 2013.
60
00:03:06,815 --> 00:03:08,144
Oh, like
"The Berenstain Bears"
61
00:03:08,179 --> 00:03:10,014
actually being
"The Berenstein Bears."
62
00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:11,686
It's actually
the other way around.
63
00:03:11,721 --> 00:03:13,622
Or is it?
64
00:03:13,657 --> 00:03:14,755
Agree to disagree.
65
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,988
Well, we need
to fix "Star Wars."
66
00:03:17,023 --> 00:03:19,122
If only there was a way to go
back in time.
67
00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,762
There is.
Take my hand.
68
00:03:21,797 --> 00:03:24,226
Your hand
is a time machine?
69
00:03:24,261 --> 00:03:25,271
Pretty cool, right?
70
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,735
Suck a "D,"
Bill and Ted.
71
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,605
The original script.
72
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,069
I'll fix the line
- so it's the way I remember it.
73
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:35,171
But there's more!
74
00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:36,810
Remember
when Forrest Gump said,
75
00:03:36,845 --> 00:03:39,450
"Life is like a box
of chocolates"?
76
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:40,748
He actually said...
77
00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:45,390
Mama always said life was like
a box of chocolates.
78
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,953
We got to correct this.
79
00:03:47,988 --> 00:03:49,856
Excuse me, Mr. Hanks,
the studio said
80
00:03:49,891 --> 00:03:50,923
you got to change
that line.
81
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,794
For legal reasons.
82
00:03:53,829 --> 00:03:54,663
Thanks so much.
83
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:55,928
Fucking bean counters.
84
00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:57,699
Always stepping
on my art.
85
00:03:57,734 --> 00:03:59,503
Okay, back to one.
86
00:03:59,538 --> 00:04:01,868
Remember Curious George
the monkey?
87
00:04:01,903 --> 00:04:05,575
Well, did you know
- he never actually had a tail?
88
00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:07,137
Excuse me, H.A. Rey,
no big deal,
89
00:04:07,172 --> 00:04:08,204
just emergency services.
90
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:10,206
Here, I'll take that.
91
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:13,583
Oh, I knew this monkey
was missing something.
92
00:04:13,618 --> 00:04:15,178
Now let's go back
to current times
93
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,884
to enjoy the fruits
of our labor.
94
00:04:17,919 --> 00:04:19,556
Darth Vader: No, Luke,
95
00:04:19,591 --> 00:04:23,494
I am a closer relative
than you think.
96
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,562
Oh, no, my penmanship.
97
00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,333
I made it worse.
- It's okay.
98
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,093
Turn on "Forrest Gump."
99
00:04:29,128 --> 00:04:31,403
Life is a box.
100
00:04:34,265 --> 00:04:35,704
Oh, no.
101
00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:38,036
Well, at least Curious George
doesn't have to say anything.
102
00:04:38,071 --> 00:04:40,940
Turn on PBS.
103
00:04:40,975 --> 00:04:43,074
Not what I pictured,
but I like it.
104
00:04:43,109 --> 00:04:44,713
A big monkey wiener?
105
00:04:44,748 --> 00:04:47,309
I bet everyone
- will be curious about that.
106
00:04:51,656 --> 00:04:53,656
Oh, mm.
Oh, baby.
107
00:04:53,691 --> 00:04:55,119
Unh. Oh, baby.
108
00:04:55,154 --> 00:04:56,362
Do I have to leave
this thing on?
109
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:59,662
Yeah, you spin that web.
110
00:05:01,292 --> 00:05:02,533
Mmm.
111
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:04,227
Want a cereal
that tastes great
112
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,701
and helps release
pent-up rage?
113
00:05:05,736 --> 00:05:06,768
Yeah!
114
00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:08,770
Time to give breakfast
what it deserves.
115
00:05:08,805 --> 00:05:10,376
Z-oh-diacs --
the nutritious
116
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,839
whole-grain cereal
with the excitement
117
00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:13,544
of a late '60s
killing spree!
118
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:15,711
Toasted oats
in the same fun shapes
119
00:05:15,746 --> 00:05:17,207
as my cryptograms.
120
00:05:17,242 --> 00:05:19,979
And the back of every box
has a cypher puzzle.
121
00:05:20,014 --> 00:05:22,421
Wow.
- Delicious and entertaining?
122
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,620
Who are you?
123
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:25,853
Nobody knows,
124
00:05:25,888 --> 00:05:28,284
which is why we've mixed in
multi-colored marshmallows
125
00:05:28,319 --> 00:05:31,320
that look like the suspects
people thought I might be.
126
00:05:31,355 --> 00:05:32,893
The police detective,
the librarian,
127
00:05:32,928 --> 00:05:34,059
the Navy veteran.
128
00:05:34,094 --> 00:05:36,061
They even got the guy
with a deathbed confession.
129
00:05:36,096 --> 00:05:38,294
He's -- ha -- delicious!
130
00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:39,229
And also not guilty.
131
00:05:39,264 --> 00:05:40,439
Murder-licious!
132
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,606
I hope
they never find you.
133
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:44,069
It's been 50 years.
134
00:05:44,104 --> 00:05:46,104
I'd say you've got
nothing to worry about,
135
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:47,809
except the safety
of your parents.
136
00:05:47,844 --> 00:05:49,679
Z-oh-diacs --
137
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:51,681
Unsolvably delicious.
138
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:57,214
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
139
00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,524
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
140
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,625
♪ And on that farm,
he had the only chickens ♪
141
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,187
♪ Left in the galaxy ♪
142
00:06:03,222 --> 00:06:05,464
♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪
143
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,861
♪ With a snap-snap here ♪
144
00:06:06,896 --> 00:06:08,258
♪ And a snap-snap there ♪
145
00:06:08,293 --> 00:06:09,501
♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪
146
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,733
♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪
147
00:06:10,768 --> 00:06:12,834
♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪
148
00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:16,772
♪ T-H-A-N-O ♪
149
00:06:16,807 --> 00:06:17,740
Oh.
150
00:06:17,775 --> 00:06:18,741
Oh, shit.
151
00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:40,829
Whoa, this ain't Denny's.
152
00:06:40,864 --> 00:06:43,161
It's a cool dance.
You guys a cult?
153
00:06:43,196 --> 00:06:44,767
I was in a cult once.
They kicked me out
154
00:06:44,802 --> 00:06:47,363
for siphoning gas
from the cult leader's Camaro.
155
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,476
Hey, you ever siphon gas?
156
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,743
It's a real easy way
to accidentally drink gas.
157
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:55,547
All: No! No way!
158
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,779
Oh, invisible kids.
159
00:06:56,814 --> 00:06:58,781
Is it cool if I hit
my vape in here?
160
00:06:58,816 --> 00:07:00,442
All: No, no!
161
00:07:02,446 --> 00:07:04,281
I'd leave,
but I'm not real sure
162
00:07:04,316 --> 00:07:05,887
how I got here
in the first place,
163
00:07:05,922 --> 00:07:07,185
and the last thing
I remember,
164
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,594
I was sniffing a shit ton
of airplane glue.
165
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:10,859
No way, get out!
166
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:14,764
Okay, that pokey, stabby
feeling feels real familiar.
167
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,799
That's definitely
a NARCAN injection.
168
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,262
Yeah.
Guess they're calling me home.
169
00:07:18,297 --> 00:07:19,802
Arrivederci.
170
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,368
But why bats,
Master Bruce?
171
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,545
Bruce:
They scare me, Alfred.
172
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,306
I want my enemies
- to experience that fear.
173
00:07:29,341 --> 00:07:31,011
Let's take a look
at this baby.
174
00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:34,586
I look like a giant bat!
175
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:35,950
Get me out of this thing!
176
00:07:35,985 --> 00:07:38,018
Get it off,
get it off, get it off!
177
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:39,987
Get it off! It's on my arm!
It's on my face!
178
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,989
Ahh! Fuck!
The bats are on me!
179
00:07:44,829 --> 00:07:45,927
I hate bats!
180
00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:47,533
Oh!
181
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,326
I am a bat!
The bat is on me!
182
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:51,537
It's all over me!
183
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,736
Get me out of this thing!
184
00:07:54,069 --> 00:07:56,608
I'm inside the bat!
185
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,269
Cookies?
186
00:07:58,304 --> 00:08:01,140
Yes, me accept.
187
00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:03,043
Me click yes cookies.
188
00:08:03,078 --> 00:08:04,308
Where cookies?
189
00:08:04,343 --> 00:08:05,716
Ahhh! Cookies!
190
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:08,983
Cookies! No cookies?
What is real?
191
00:08:09,018 --> 00:08:10,820
Me trust nothing.
192
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:13,988
Welcome to Domino's.
Can I interest you in a pizza?
193
00:08:14,023 --> 00:08:15,759
Everyone
on the fucking ground.
194
00:08:15,794 --> 00:08:17,222
It's the Noid.
- What?
195
00:08:17,257 --> 00:08:20,599
The Domino's mascot
from 1986 to 1995.
196
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,458
He's the physical manifestation
of everything
197
00:08:22,493 --> 00:08:24,031
that can go wrong
when ordering a pizza.
198
00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:27,397
Nearly a decade of service
to the Domino's Corporation,
199
00:08:27,432 --> 00:08:28,838
and how did they repay me?
200
00:08:28,873 --> 00:08:30,708
By kicking me
to the curb!
201
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:32,501
What went wrong,
Mr. Noid?
202
00:08:32,536 --> 00:08:35,746
In 1996, a man
with the last name Noid
203
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,947
took a Domino's hostage,
believing the Noid was created
204
00:08:38,982 --> 00:08:39,882
to mock him.
205
00:08:39,917 --> 00:08:41,719
His demands --
free pizza,
206
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:45,184
a white limo, and the end of the
Noid in Domino's advertising.
207
00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:47,890
And those spineless suits
caved to him.
208
00:08:47,925 --> 00:08:49,155
Wait, is this shit real?
209
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:50,794
Yeah.
- Check the Wikipedia page.
210
00:08:50,829 --> 00:08:53,863
Point is, now I'm the one
with the gun,
211
00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:56,701
and I demand that Domino's
bring back the Noid.
212
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,901
Man: Come on out
with your hands up.
213
00:08:58,936 --> 00:09:02,333
Not unless Domino's brings back
the Noid.
214
00:09:02,368 --> 00:09:05,743
Uh, oh, okay.
Sure, we can do that.
215
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:08,944
Shit.
The Noid is back, baby!
216
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,722
Can I get garlic knots
with those meat lover pizzas?
217
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:20,824
Yodels, Ho Hos, Doodles,
218
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:23,552
Ding Dongs, Ring Dings,
King Dons, Ring Kings,
219
00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,026
Ring Dongs,
Ding Ring Dongs,
220
00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:25,994
Ding Dang Doodle Dogs.
221
00:09:26,029 --> 00:09:28,260
Dad!
Mom's doing it again.
222
00:09:28,295 --> 00:09:30,196
Triple Dipple Ding Dong
Dipple Dongs.
223
00:09:33,597 --> 00:09:35,773
Oh hey, so that's season 11.
224
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,775
Thanks to the musical guests, Yaboobas.
225
00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:39,876
Also, thanks
to the Zodiac Killer...
Not guilty.
226
00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:41,746
...the ghost of Nelson Mandela,
and of course,
227
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,605
both slices
of American cheese.
228
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,112
Oh,
and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim.
229
00:09:45,147 --> 00:09:46,179
Thanks, Jim!
Yeah.
230
00:09:46,214 --> 00:09:47,950
See you next year
if we don't get canceled.
231
00:09:47,985 --> 00:09:50,854
Good night, everybody!
232
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:54,759
I cannot wait to not see your
fucking face for six months.
233
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:56,486
Fuck you, fuck face.
234
00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:59,390
Thanks for cutting my sketch
at the last minute, assholes.
235
00:09:59,425 --> 00:10:01,590
I wasn't even in this episode.
236
00:10:01,625 --> 00:10:03,702
That Noid sketch went over
like a brick balloon, huh?
237
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,330
Go back
and vote for Brexit,
238
00:10:05,365 --> 00:10:06,331
you fucking idiot.
239
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:07,464
Your opinion means
nothing to me.
240
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:08,971
The Zodiac Killer
just escaped
241
00:10:09,006 --> 00:10:10,170
with the whole
party sub.
242
00:10:10,205 --> 00:10:12,073
You know, on "Suits,"
we had a full taco bar
243
00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:13,877
seven days a week.
244
00:10:13,912 --> 00:10:15,340
I fucking love "Suits."
245
00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:17,210
- Yeah.
- Taco bar.
246
00:10:19,918 --> 00:10:22,886
I've had just about enough
of your bullshit.
247
00:10:22,921 --> 00:10:25,757
I will punch a hole
through my own fucking face
248
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,617
if these goddamn credits
don't end right the fuck n--
249
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,466
21, engage
the doom cannon.
250
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:45,139
Dude, we got canceled.
Forget it. It's over.
251
00:10:45,174 --> 00:10:46,943
Come on,
think of the fans, Doc.
252
00:10:46,978 --> 00:10:48,274
Yeah,
that's what I'm doing.
253
00:10:48,309 --> 00:10:51,750
They deserve better
this creepy Pinocchio bullshit.
254
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,477
Don't break the puppet, dude.
255
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:55,083
We could sell it
on eBay.