1
00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:25,718
Man: It's alive!
2
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,506
Yoshi: You know the thing
about living
3
00:00:44,541 --> 00:00:46,178
on a tropical island
paradise?
4
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,576
You get so distracted
looking at all the beauty,
5
00:00:48,611 --> 00:00:50,644
you forget to look out
for yourself.
6
00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,679
Wait! Mario!
What about me?!
7
00:00:52,714 --> 00:00:55,011
But now I see clearly.
8
00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:57,321
I don't know what-a you did
to piss-a this guy off,
9
00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:59,653
but-a now he's-a comin' after
a-both of us!
10
00:00:59,688 --> 00:01:02,227
Hey, what's-a one-a little
dinosaur-a gonna do, eh?
11
00:01:04,594 --> 00:01:05,692
Hunh!
12
00:01:05,727 --> 00:01:07,364
Aah!
- Yah!
13
00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:08,398
Aah!
14
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:09,564
Ah!
15
00:01:11,469 --> 00:01:13,502
Now we're fuckin'
a-dead, bro!
16
00:01:13,537 --> 00:01:15,999
Let's-a go,
mother-a-fucker.
17
00:01:17,805 --> 00:01:19,277
Maybe we can make
a deal-a, huh?
18
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,938
Yoshi: Die, bitch!
Aah!
19
00:01:20,973 --> 00:01:23,006
You are gonna pay-a
for that-a.
20
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,074
Fireball! Fireball!
21
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,010
Ha! Fireball toss!
22
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,352
Yoshi, no!
23
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:30,519
I've known you
since I was a baby.
24
00:01:30,554 --> 00:01:31,850
You were a piece of shit then...
25
00:01:31,885 --> 00:01:34,083
...and you are
a bigger piece of shit now.
26
00:01:34,118 --> 00:01:35,359
Fuck right off!
27
00:01:35,394 --> 00:01:37,196
Aah!
28
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,264
Time to welcome the world
to a new Yoshi.
29
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,628
A new me.
30
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:42,861
Yoshi's Island!
31
00:01:43,831 --> 00:01:46,172
After you got off the island,
Chuck Noland received
32
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,833
millions from FedEx.
33
00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:49,901
You're asking for half,
correct?
34
00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:51,903
I just want
what I think is fair.
35
00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,246
Ugh! I can't believe
Trevor ghosted me.
36
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,446
Even though he grew a rattail nonironically,
37
00:01:56,481 --> 00:01:58,107
I'll never love again!
38
00:01:58,142 --> 00:02:00,351
You've been possessed
39
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,584
by a peen-tergeist!
40
00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:03,849
A what?!
41
00:02:03,884 --> 00:02:07,149
Hi, I'm Tangina Barrons,
poltergeist expert.
42
00:02:07,184 --> 00:02:09,921
Your lady bits
have been taken hostage
43
00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:12,297
by the spirit
of his whiz tube.
44
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:15,498
Your need to perform
a vag-orcism!
45
00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:17,434
Yes! Yes!
46
00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:21,933
Keep on towards
the light!
47
00:02:25,477 --> 00:02:26,905
I don't need
to pretend to like
48
00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:28,907
Lars von Trier films anymore.
49
00:02:28,942 --> 00:02:30,909
This cooch is clean.
50
00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:32,581
But where did he go?
51
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:34,979
Into my cooch!
52
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,489
What do you mean,
you don't tip?
53
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:40,820
I mean, I don't tip.
54
00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:41,986
Boop.
- Whoa!
55
00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:43,493
Ah!
56
00:02:43,528 --> 00:02:46,023
Yeah, technically you tip --
you just don't fall over.
57
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,534
Ladies, can't we all find
a way to get along?
58
00:02:51,569 --> 00:02:53,030
You gave me chlamydia!
59
00:02:53,065 --> 00:02:54,504
- Me too.
- And me!
- Twice.
60
00:02:54,539 --> 00:02:57,166
Also, bacteria from
the chlamydia then moved up
61
00:02:57,201 --> 00:02:59,839
to my cervix
and gave me PID!
62
00:02:59,874 --> 00:03:02,446
Pelvic inflammatory
disease!
63
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:05,746
That's what happens
when the clam
is left untreated.
64
00:03:05,781 --> 00:03:08,914
Ladies, what do you say
we make this a team round?
65
00:03:08,949 --> 00:03:11,290
I'd never turn down
three women at once --
66
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,952
Oww!
67
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,832
Come on, girls.
He is not worth it.
68
00:03:25,867 --> 00:03:28,164
Let's go pick up
our prescription.
69
00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:30,507
Bond:
Oho, James, you dog!
70
00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:33,246
Wait.
That means I have chlamydia.
71
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,655
My date said he'd be here
20 minutes ago.
72
00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:48,327
Ack!
- Ack, ack.
73
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,560
Did you get
stood up, too?
74
00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:51,561
Ack!
75
00:03:51,596 --> 00:03:52,892
Ack, ack! Ack, ack.
76
00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:55,059
I'd love to eat with you.
77
00:03:55,094 --> 00:03:56,192
Ack!
78
00:03:56,227 --> 00:03:57,501
Ack! Ack!
- Ack ack ack!
79
00:03:57,536 --> 00:03:58,832
Yes! Ack!
80
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,163
Yes! Ack!
- Ack ack aaack!
81
00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,869
Do you take this woman
to be your wife?
82
00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:04,035
Ack!
83
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,806
I'll, uh, take that
as an "I do."
84
00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:08,138
Oh, my God!
85
00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:10,448
Ack ack ack!
Ack ack ack ack!
86
00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:11,614
Ack ack ack!
87
00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:13,946
You have to return
to your home planet?
88
00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:16,014
But we're married!
Ack!
89
00:04:16,049 --> 00:04:18,115
Save me!
Aah!
90
00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,116
Ack ack ack!
91
00:04:21,021 --> 00:04:24,495
Aaa-aa-aa-ck!
92
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:32,437
Cake is the only man
that will never leave me.
93
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,604
Ohh ahhh mmph!
94
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,067
Oh, no. Oh, God.
95
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,360
Narrator: This week on
"My Strange Addiction,"
96
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,527
meet Elefun the elephant.
97
00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,398
Yeah, baby!
That's the stuff!
98
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,730
What started out
as a party trick
99
00:05:01,765 --> 00:05:03,633
turned into
a butterfly habit
100
00:05:03,668 --> 00:05:05,635
that Elefun couldn't kick.
101
00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,736
Let's fuckin' rave!
102
00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,606
Oh! Oh!
103
00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:15,612
Ohhh!
104
00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:18,010
- Elefun. Elefun!
- Whoa!
105
00:05:18,045 --> 00:05:19,418
Elefun, it's late.
106
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,948
We have to go home.
You're leaving me?!
107
00:05:21,983 --> 00:05:23,279
Try some of this shit!
108
00:05:23,314 --> 00:05:24,621
I don't want it!
Try it! Come on!
109
00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:25,787
I don't want!
110
00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,459
It's trippy, right?
I don't want it!
111
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:29,560
Kid?
112
00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,397
Kid!
113
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,794
Next week...
114
00:05:32,829 --> 00:05:34,796
this family
of codependent hippos
115
00:05:34,831 --> 00:05:37,997
enable a bizarre compulsion.
116
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:40,439
Woman: Oh, my life
is almost spent,
117
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,771
and I had so much more to do.
118
00:05:44,808 --> 00:05:47,303
And I'm back,
bitches!
119
00:05:47,338 --> 00:05:49,305
Boom!
Crushed that candy!
120
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:52,308
Aw, but I need a lollipop hammer
to finish the level.
121
00:05:52,343 --> 00:05:54,453
Why not make
an in-app purchase?
122
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,488
It's only $1.99.
123
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,854
I promised myself I wouldn't
spend any money on this game.
124
00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:02,593
It's a one-time thing, Beth.
125
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:07,323
Beth, I'm home --
Oh, my God!
126
00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:08,962
I need extra gold bars!
127
00:06:08,997 --> 00:06:10,469
And I need
an extra life!
128
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,602
Beth, you spent --
129
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:14,704
you spent $1,500
on Candy Crush?!
- Aah! Yah!
130
00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,475
We have a mortgage!
131
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,872
She's mine now.
132
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,481
Spider-walk time!
133
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,648
The power of Christ
compels you.
134
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,144
You're one to talk.
135
00:06:26,179 --> 00:06:28,311
You spent all of the church's
collection last month
136
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,115
on Pokémon Go supplies.
137
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,688
You have to
catch 'em all, right?
138
00:06:31,723 --> 00:06:33,019
You don't understand,
demon --
139
00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:34,757
was buy one,
get one free.
140
00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:36,594
It was BOGO
on the POGO.
141
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:38,255
I had serious FOMO!
142
00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,290
You're mind now, priesty!
143
00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:41,962
Open your mouth!
144
00:06:41,997 --> 00:06:44,800
Not today,
vile demon!
145
00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:46,637
Selfless sacrifice!
146
00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,200
Splat!
147
00:06:49,235 --> 00:06:51,873
You did it!
Oh, God, it's over!
148
00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:54,744
It's over!
My, God, it's over.
149
00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:57,373
Anyone wanna play
Clash of Clans?
150
00:06:57,408 --> 00:06:58,550
I do.
151
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,948
Mr. Manson,
you would have me believe
152
00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:04,622
that you did not commit
the Tate-LaBianca murders.
153
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:08,527
I'm telling you, man,
it was not me.
154
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:15,292
I, Ponce de Léon, have finally
found the Fountain of Youth.
155
00:07:17,901 --> 00:07:20,198
Men, only a single
Allied pilot
156
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,673
has survived an encounter
with the Red Baron.
157
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,137
Meet America's
World War I Flying Ace --
158
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:27,139
Did you say "one"?
...Captain Snoopy!
159
00:07:27,174 --> 00:07:28,305
Blah!
160
00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:32,111
Sir, that's, uh...
161
00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:33,409
Yeah, that's a dog.
162
00:07:33,444 --> 00:07:36,082
That is the World War I
Flying Ace, dumb shit!
163
00:07:36,117 --> 00:07:38,623
And you will heed every single
word out of his mouth!
164
00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:42,451
These are your
new aircraft.
165
00:07:42,486 --> 00:07:44,893
No idea how they work,
but we've seen the Ace fly one,
166
00:07:44,928 --> 00:07:47,060
and they only cost
about $3 in scrap wood!
167
00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,061
Hoo-yah!
- Sir!
168
00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:49,667
These are
doghouses, sir!
169
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,702
They're aircraft,
soldier!
170
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:53,770
Now mount up!
171
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:55,002
Oh-ah!
172
00:07:55,037 --> 00:07:56,399
This shit doesn't
make any sense.
- Ow.
173
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,973
Uh, sir?
Where are the controls?
174
00:07:59,008 --> 00:08:01,404
Did you have to ask your mama
where your dick was
175
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,307
when you wanted
to piss, sailor?!
176
00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:06,816
- There's no way that's gonna...
- Um, uh...
177
00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:08,312
- Oh, shit.
- Ah, that worked.
178
00:08:08,347 --> 00:08:11,282
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
179
00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:13,757
Oh, my God,
they work!
180
00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,352
We're flying!
181
00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:17,959
But the peak is really
riding up into my crack.
182
00:08:17,994 --> 00:08:21,259
Aah! They also should have
included seat belts!
183
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:23,426
Whoa! Hey!
184
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,428
I'm cool with these things
not having wings,
185
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,463
but I'd feel better
if we had windshields.
186
00:08:27,498 --> 00:08:29,971
Ah, what the f--
Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
187
00:08:30,006 --> 00:08:31,401
Aaaaah!
188
00:08:33,438 --> 00:08:36,142
That son of a bitch
is actually doing it!
189
00:08:36,177 --> 00:08:37,682
We're gonna need
more Marines!
190
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,178
And maybe some seat belts.
191
00:08:39,213 --> 00:08:41,114
The Red Baron
is leading a squadron
192
00:08:41,149 --> 00:08:42,621
toward Allied territory.
193
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,085
Now get up there
- and show 'em what we got!
194
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,823
- To the sky!
- Let's fly these doghouses!
195
00:08:50,587 --> 00:08:52,697
Bwah!
- Sir, yes, sir!
196
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,293
Whatever the fuck
he just said.
197
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,066
Are those cats?!
198
00:08:59,101 --> 00:09:01,266
How did they train cats
to fly airplanes?
199
00:09:01,301 --> 00:09:02,839
War is hell!
200
00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:07,041
Guten morgen,
Herr Snoopy!
201
00:09:07,076 --> 00:09:08,911
Dogfights are overrated,
so I thought,
202
00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:10,913
why not switch
to a catfight?
203
00:09:10,948 --> 00:09:12,376
Aah!
204
00:09:15,018 --> 00:09:16,479
Aw, yeah.
205
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,184
Keep that pussy
right there.
206
00:09:20,551 --> 00:09:22,386
Aah, aah!
It's in my mouth!
207
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,157
Aah!
208
00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:26,731
Whoo!
209
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,162
Can I interest you
in a cucumber?
210
00:09:34,169 --> 00:09:36,301
Ha-ha!
I've got you now.
211
00:09:36,336 --> 00:09:38,710
Uh...
- No one told us how to shoot!
212
00:09:42,243 --> 00:09:44,573
I'm hit!
213
00:09:44,608 --> 00:09:47,609
The laser pointer won't be
invented for another 60 years,
214
00:09:47,644 --> 00:09:49,281
so this will have to do.
215
00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:54,792
Stupid cats!
216
00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:03,493
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
217
00:10:03,528 --> 00:10:05,704
Looks like it's time
for a catnap.
218
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,245
Bwah!
219
00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:22,644
Auf weidersehen,
dummer hund.
220
00:10:25,286 --> 00:10:27,088
Ugh! Aah!
221
00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:29,222
Doctor!
Get the hot water!
222
00:10:29,257 --> 00:10:30,553
Get the disinfectant!
223
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,390
Get the iodine!
224
00:10:32,425 --> 00:10:33,897
Aah!
225
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,459
Aaaaaaah!