1 00:00:24,048 --> 00:00:25,718 Man: It's alive! 2 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,506 Yoshi: You know the thing about living 3 00:00:44,541 --> 00:00:46,178 on a tropical island paradise? 4 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,576 You get so distracted looking at all the beauty, 5 00:00:48,611 --> 00:00:50,644 you forget to look out for yourself. 6 00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:52,679 Wait! Mario! What about me?! 7 00:00:52,714 --> 00:00:55,011 But now I see clearly. 8 00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:57,321 I don't know what-a you did to piss-a this guy off, 9 00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:59,653 but-a now he's-a comin' after a-both of us! 10 00:00:59,688 --> 00:01:02,227 Hey, what's-a one-a little dinosaur-a gonna do, eh? 11 00:01:04,594 --> 00:01:05,692 Hunh! 12 00:01:05,727 --> 00:01:07,364 Aah! - Yah! 13 00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:08,398 Aah! 14 00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:09,564 Ah! 15 00:01:11,469 --> 00:01:13,502 Now we're fuckin' a-dead, bro! 16 00:01:13,537 --> 00:01:15,999 Let's-a go, mother-a-fucker. 17 00:01:17,805 --> 00:01:19,277 Maybe we can make a deal-a, huh? 18 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,938 Yoshi: Die, bitch! Aah! 19 00:01:20,973 --> 00:01:23,006 You are gonna pay-a for that-a. 20 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,074 Fireball! Fireball! 21 00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,010 Ha! Fireball toss! 22 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,352 Yoshi, no! 23 00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:30,519 I've known you since I was a baby. 24 00:01:30,554 --> 00:01:31,850 You were a piece of shit then... 25 00:01:31,885 --> 00:01:34,083 ...and you are a bigger piece of shit now. 26 00:01:34,118 --> 00:01:35,359 Fuck right off! 27 00:01:35,394 --> 00:01:37,196 Aah! 28 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,264 Time to welcome the world to a new Yoshi. 29 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,628 A new me. 30 00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:42,861 Yoshi's Island! 31 00:01:43,831 --> 00:01:46,172 After you got off the island, Chuck Noland received 32 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,833 millions from FedEx. 33 00:01:47,868 --> 00:01:49,901 You're asking for half, correct? 34 00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:51,903 I just want what I think is fair. 35 00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,246 Ugh! I can't believe Trevor ghosted me. 36 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,446 Even though he grew a rattail nonironically, 37 00:01:56,481 --> 00:01:58,107 I'll never love again! 38 00:01:58,142 --> 00:02:00,351 You've been possessed 39 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,584 by a peen-tergeist! 40 00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:03,849 A what?! 41 00:02:03,884 --> 00:02:07,149 Hi, I'm Tangina Barrons, poltergeist expert. 42 00:02:07,184 --> 00:02:09,921 Your lady bits have been taken hostage 43 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:12,297 by the spirit of his whiz tube. 44 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:15,498 Your need to perform a vag-orcism! 45 00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:17,434 Yes! Yes! 46 00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:21,933 Keep on towards the light! 47 00:02:25,477 --> 00:02:26,905 I don't need to pretend to like 48 00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:28,907 Lars von Trier films anymore. 49 00:02:28,942 --> 00:02:30,909 This cooch is clean. 50 00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:32,581 But where did he go? 51 00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:34,979 Into my cooch! 52 00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:39,489 What do you mean, you don't tip? 53 00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:40,820 I mean, I don't tip. 54 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:41,986 Boop. - Whoa! 55 00:02:42,021 --> 00:02:43,493 Ah! 56 00:02:43,528 --> 00:02:46,023 Yeah, technically you tip -- you just don't fall over. 57 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,534 Ladies, can't we all find a way to get along? 58 00:02:51,569 --> 00:02:53,030 You gave me chlamydia! 59 00:02:53,065 --> 00:02:54,504 - Me too. - And me! - Twice. 60 00:02:54,539 --> 00:02:57,166 Also, bacteria from the chlamydia then moved up 61 00:02:57,201 --> 00:02:59,839 to my cervix and gave me PID! 62 00:02:59,874 --> 00:03:02,446 Pelvic inflammatory disease! 63 00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:05,746 That's what happens when the clam is left untreated. 64 00:03:05,781 --> 00:03:08,914 Ladies, what do you say we make this a team round? 65 00:03:08,949 --> 00:03:11,290 I'd never turn down three women at once -- 66 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,952 Oww! 67 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,832 Come on, girls. He is not worth it. 68 00:03:25,867 --> 00:03:28,164 Let's go pick up our prescription. 69 00:03:28,199 --> 00:03:30,507 Bond: Oho, James, you dog! 70 00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:33,246 Wait. That means I have chlamydia. 71 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,655 My date said he'd be here 20 minutes ago. 72 00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:48,327 Ack! - Ack, ack. 73 00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,560 Did you get stood up, too? 74 00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:51,561 Ack! 75 00:03:51,596 --> 00:03:52,892 Ack, ack! Ack, ack. 76 00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:55,059 I'd love to eat with you. 77 00:03:55,094 --> 00:03:56,192 Ack! 78 00:03:56,227 --> 00:03:57,501 Ack! Ack! - Ack ack ack! 79 00:03:57,536 --> 00:03:58,832 Yes! Ack! 80 00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,163 Yes! Ack! - Ack ack aaack! 81 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,869 Do you take this woman to be your wife? 82 00:04:02,904 --> 00:04:04,035 Ack! 83 00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:05,806 I'll, uh, take that as an "I do." 84 00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:08,138 Oh, my God! 85 00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:10,448 Ack ack ack! Ack ack ack ack! 86 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:11,614 Ack ack ack! 87 00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:13,946 You have to return to your home planet? 88 00:04:13,981 --> 00:04:16,014 But we're married! Ack! 89 00:04:16,049 --> 00:04:18,115 Save me! Aah! 90 00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,116 Ack ack ack! 91 00:04:21,021 --> 00:04:24,495 Aaa-aa-aa-ck! 92 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:32,437 Cake is the only man that will never leave me. 93 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,604 Ohh ahhh mmph! 94 00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,067 Oh, no. Oh, God. 95 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,360 Narrator: This week on "My Strange Addiction," 96 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,527 meet Elefun the elephant. 97 00:04:56,562 --> 00:04:59,398 Yeah, baby! That's the stuff! 98 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,730 What started out as a party trick 99 00:05:01,765 --> 00:05:03,633 turned into a butterfly habit 100 00:05:03,668 --> 00:05:05,635 that Elefun couldn't kick. 101 00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,736 Let's fuckin' rave! 102 00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,606 Oh! Oh! 103 00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:15,612 Ohhh! 104 00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:18,010 - Elefun. Elefun! - Whoa! 105 00:05:18,045 --> 00:05:19,418 Elefun, it's late. 106 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,948 We have to go home. You're leaving me?! 107 00:05:21,983 --> 00:05:23,279 Try some of this shit! 108 00:05:23,314 --> 00:05:24,621 I don't want it! Try it! Come on! 109 00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:25,787 I don't want! 110 00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,459 It's trippy, right? I don't want it! 111 00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:29,560 Kid? 112 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,397 Kid! 113 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,794 Next week... 114 00:05:32,829 --> 00:05:34,796 this family of codependent hippos 115 00:05:34,831 --> 00:05:37,997 enable a bizarre compulsion. 116 00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:40,439 Woman: Oh, my life is almost spent, 117 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,771 and I had so much more to do. 118 00:05:44,808 --> 00:05:47,303 And I'm back, bitches! 119 00:05:47,338 --> 00:05:49,305 Boom! Crushed that candy! 120 00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:52,308 Aw, but I need a lollipop hammer to finish the level. 121 00:05:52,343 --> 00:05:54,453 Why not make an in-app purchase? 122 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,488 It's only $1.99. 123 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,854 I promised myself I wouldn't spend any money on this game. 124 00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:02,593 It's a one-time thing, Beth. 125 00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:07,323 Beth, I'm home -- Oh, my God! 126 00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:08,962 I need extra gold bars! 127 00:06:08,997 --> 00:06:10,469 And I need an extra life! 128 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,602 Beth, you spent -- 129 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:14,704 you spent $1,500 on Candy Crush?! - Aah! Yah! 130 00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,475 We have a mortgage! 131 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,872 She's mine now. 132 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,481 Spider-walk time! 133 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,648 The power of Christ compels you. 134 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:26,144 You're one to talk. 135 00:06:26,179 --> 00:06:28,311 You spent all of the church's collection last month 136 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,115 on Pokémon Go supplies. 137 00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,688 You have to catch 'em all, right? 138 00:06:31,723 --> 00:06:33,019 You don't understand, demon -- 139 00:06:33,054 --> 00:06:34,757 was buy one, get one free. 140 00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:36,594 It was BOGO on the POGO. 141 00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:38,255 I had serious FOMO! 142 00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:40,290 You're mind now, priesty! 143 00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:41,962 Open your mouth! 144 00:06:41,997 --> 00:06:44,800 Not today, vile demon! 145 00:06:44,835 --> 00:06:46,637 Selfless sacrifice! 146 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,200 Splat! 147 00:06:49,235 --> 00:06:51,873 You did it! Oh, God, it's over! 148 00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:54,744 It's over! My, God, it's over. 149 00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:57,373 Anyone wanna play Clash of Clans? 150 00:06:57,408 --> 00:06:58,550 I do. 151 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,948 Mr. Manson, you would have me believe 152 00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:04,622 that you did not commit the Tate-LaBianca murders. 153 00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:08,527 I'm telling you, man, it was not me. 154 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:15,292 I, Ponce de Léon, have finally found the Fountain of Youth. 155 00:07:17,901 --> 00:07:20,198 Men, only a single Allied pilot 156 00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,673 has survived an encounter with the Red Baron. 157 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,137 Meet America's World War I Flying Ace -- 158 00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:27,139 Did you say "one"? ...Captain Snoopy! 159 00:07:27,174 --> 00:07:28,305 Blah! 160 00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:32,111 Sir, that's, uh... 161 00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:33,409 Yeah, that's a dog. 162 00:07:33,444 --> 00:07:36,082 That is the World War I Flying Ace, dumb shit! 163 00:07:36,117 --> 00:07:38,623 And you will heed every single word out of his mouth! 164 00:07:40,825 --> 00:07:42,451 These are your new aircraft. 165 00:07:42,486 --> 00:07:44,893 No idea how they work, but we've seen the Ace fly one, 166 00:07:44,928 --> 00:07:47,060 and they only cost about $3 in scrap wood! 167 00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,061 Hoo-yah! - Sir! 168 00:07:48,096 --> 00:07:49,667 These are doghouses, sir! 169 00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,702 They're aircraft, soldier! 170 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:53,770 Now mount up! 171 00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:55,002 Oh-ah! 172 00:07:55,037 --> 00:07:56,399 This shit doesn't make any sense. - Ow. 173 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,973 Uh, sir? Where are the controls? 174 00:07:59,008 --> 00:08:01,404 Did you have to ask your mama where your dick was 175 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,307 when you wanted to piss, sailor?! 176 00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:06,816 - There's no way that's gonna... - Um, uh... 177 00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:08,312 - Oh, shit. - Ah, that worked. 178 00:08:08,347 --> 00:08:11,282 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 179 00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:13,757 Oh, my God, they work! 180 00:08:13,792 --> 00:08:15,352 We're flying! 181 00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:17,959 But the peak is really riding up into my crack. 182 00:08:17,994 --> 00:08:21,259 Aah! They also should have included seat belts! 183 00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:23,426 Whoa! Hey! 184 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,428 I'm cool with these things not having wings, 185 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,463 but I'd feel better if we had windshields. 186 00:08:27,498 --> 00:08:29,971 Ah, what the f-- Ah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 187 00:08:30,006 --> 00:08:31,401 Aaaaah! 188 00:08:33,438 --> 00:08:36,142 That son of a bitch is actually doing it! 189 00:08:36,177 --> 00:08:37,682 We're gonna need more Marines! 190 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,178 And maybe some seat belts. 191 00:08:39,213 --> 00:08:41,114 The Red Baron is leading a squadron 192 00:08:41,149 --> 00:08:42,621 toward Allied territory. 193 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,085 Now get up there - and show 'em what we got! 194 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,823 - To the sky! - Let's fly these doghouses! 195 00:08:50,587 --> 00:08:52,697 Bwah! - Sir, yes, sir! 196 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,293 Whatever the fuck he just said. 197 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,066 Are those cats?! 198 00:08:59,101 --> 00:09:01,266 How did they train cats to fly airplanes? 199 00:09:01,301 --> 00:09:02,839 War is hell! 200 00:09:04,909 --> 00:09:07,041 Guten morgen, Herr Snoopy! 201 00:09:07,076 --> 00:09:08,911 Dogfights are overrated, so I thought, 202 00:09:08,946 --> 00:09:10,913 why not switch to a catfight? 203 00:09:10,948 --> 00:09:12,376 Aah! 204 00:09:15,018 --> 00:09:16,479 Aw, yeah. 205 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,184 Keep that pussy right there. 206 00:09:20,551 --> 00:09:22,386 Aah, aah! It's in my mouth! 207 00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:24,157 Aah! 208 00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:26,731 Whoo! 209 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,162 Can I interest you in a cucumber? 210 00:09:34,169 --> 00:09:36,301 Ha-ha! I've got you now. 211 00:09:36,336 --> 00:09:38,710 Uh... - No one told us how to shoot! 212 00:09:42,243 --> 00:09:44,573 I'm hit! 213 00:09:44,608 --> 00:09:47,609 The laser pointer won't be invented for another 60 years, 214 00:09:47,644 --> 00:09:49,281 so this will have to do. 215 00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:54,792 Stupid cats! 216 00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:03,493 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 217 00:10:03,528 --> 00:10:05,704 Looks like it's time for a catnap. 218 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,245 Bwah! 219 00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:22,644 Auf weidersehen, dummer hund. 220 00:10:25,286 --> 00:10:27,088 Ugh! Aah! 221 00:10:27,123 --> 00:10:29,222 Doctor! Get the hot water! 222 00:10:29,257 --> 00:10:30,553 Get the disinfectant! 223 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,390 Get the iodine! 224 00:10:32,425 --> 00:10:33,897 Aah! 225 00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,459 Aaaaaaah!