1 00:00:23,751 --> 00:00:25,256 Man: It's alive! 2 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,968 Aah! Oh, no! Aah! Aah! 3 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,904 Aah! Oh, God! 4 00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:50,512 Aah! Aah! A fucking shark! 5 00:00:53,715 --> 00:00:55,187 One on land. 6 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,849 One at sea. 7 00:00:57,884 --> 00:01:00,654 Theirs was a forbidden love. 8 00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,524 Just kill me already! 9 00:01:02,559 --> 00:01:04,889 The world was against them. 10 00:01:04,924 --> 00:01:07,958 We have to separate them. If they team up, we're dead. 11 00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,828 - No bloody way! - No! 12 00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:12,996 Man: They must not mate! 13 00:01:22,645 --> 00:01:25,316 Can true love prevail? 14 00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:28,220 - "Surt<3 - Turf." 15 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,485 From Universal. 16 00:01:32,424 --> 00:01:36,294 Kraken, feast your eyes upon the terrible Medusa. 17 00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:41,299 Throwing effort. 18 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,137 There. That felt like a safe way to get rid of that. 19 00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:48,702 Ow! Hey, who's playing Chad for a fool? 20 00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:55,280 Oh, shit. With power like that, it could finally be Chad's time! 21 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,139 Let's go, hon. To the clubs! 22 00:01:57,174 --> 00:01:58,514 End of the line, 23 00:01:58,549 --> 00:02:00,549 unless you got some pretty girls with you. 24 00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:03,981 I got a girl that'll make you rock hard, brah. 25 00:02:04,016 --> 00:02:05,785 Turn into stone! 26 00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:06,885 Yeah! - We're in. 27 00:02:08,053 --> 00:02:09,393 - Oh! - Oh! 28 00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,725 Yo, yo. Two cinnamon whiskeys and Red Bulls, please. 29 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,397 Aah! 30 00:02:13,432 --> 00:02:14,662 ♪ Oh, yeah, ah, ah ♪ 31 00:02:14,697 --> 00:02:15,993 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 32 00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:20,338 The Kraken's brother is here, and he is pissed! 33 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,098 Guess it's up to Chad. Man: No! 34 00:02:25,169 --> 00:02:28,544 Feast your peepers on this, bitch. 35 00:02:28,579 --> 00:02:30,172 Uh, babe... - Sorry, bro. 36 00:02:30,207 --> 00:02:32,075 I took some bad ketamine at the club. 37 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,681 I'm gonna keel. 38 00:02:33,716 --> 00:02:35,683 Whoa! Cha... 39 00:02:36,455 --> 00:02:38,422 Mario, I met someone new. 40 00:02:38,457 --> 00:02:40,391 I'm sorry, but I'm leaving you. 41 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,393 Huh? For who? 42 00:02:42,428 --> 00:02:44,329 Timothée Chalamet? 43 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,859 You gotta be shitting me. - Ha ha. What's up? 44 00:02:46,894 --> 00:02:49,697 I'm Timothée Chalamet, and I have a thing for peaches. 45 00:02:49,732 --> 00:02:52,733 Yeah, I know. We all know, you freak. Pitted peaches, unpitted peaches. 46 00:02:53,065 --> 00:02:55,241 Huh? 47 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,969 Oh, God. 48 00:02:58,004 --> 00:02:59,806 Huh? 49 00:03:02,679 --> 00:03:08,419 Aah! 50 00:03:10,852 --> 00:03:12,489 I only downloaded the app to impress people 51 00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:14,293 with the idea of me learning a new language. 52 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,394 I don't actually have the time or discipline. 53 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,991 Aah! Aah! I promise. 54 00:03:20,026 --> 00:03:22,664 I will never miss another day of language practice again. 55 00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,880 Hi. We're the pirates of Dark Water. 56 00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:43,355 We only found 8 - of the 13 Treasures of Rule 57 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,950 before Fox Kids canceled us, 58 00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:48,217 so now we're here to help you with your dark water. 59 00:03:48,252 --> 00:03:50,120 You talking about my runny stool? 60 00:03:50,155 --> 00:03:52,925 Your drinking water, ma'am. 61 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,092 This water is disgusting. 62 00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:57,897 They rerouted the Flint River into our drinking water, 63 00:03:57,932 --> 00:03:59,437 and it ate up the lead pipes. 64 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,703 The children were drinking liquid lead. 65 00:04:01,738 --> 00:04:03,903 This is great, great stuff. 66 00:04:03,938 --> 00:04:06,741 What the hell are you talking about, Sunburn? 67 00:04:06,776 --> 00:04:10,778 So we'd call it "Pirates of Dark Water: Operation Flint." 68 00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:12,582 Right. And who's the bad guy? 69 00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:15,948 A squid in a pirate hat named Squinty Flinty, 70 00:04:15,983 --> 00:04:18,885 who also happens to be the head of the Michigan Department 71 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,722 of Environmental Quality. 72 00:04:20,757 --> 00:04:22,691 I am loving this. 73 00:04:22,726 --> 00:04:25,793 You want the good news or the bad news? 74 00:04:25,828 --> 00:04:27,124 Good news? 75 00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:29,632 I'm ordering 13 episodes right now. 76 00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,931 - We're back! - Good for us. 77 00:04:31,966 --> 00:04:33,768 Uh, and the bad news? 78 00:04:33,803 --> 00:04:35,935 Fox Kids folded 20 years ago. 79 00:04:35,970 --> 00:04:38,168 I rescued that logo out of a Dumpster on my last day 80 00:04:38,203 --> 00:04:39,840 and have been running "Fox Kids" 81 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,644 here in my mom's guesthouse ever since. 82 00:04:41,679 --> 00:04:45,142 We have zero budget and make nothing. 83 00:04:45,177 --> 00:04:46,308 We'll take it. 84 00:04:46,343 --> 00:04:47,584 Great. Sign here. 85 00:04:47,619 --> 00:04:49,014 Click and sign. 86 00:04:49,049 --> 00:04:50,620 Oh, Jesus Christ. 87 00:04:50,952 --> 00:04:52,985 Mitch, where are we? 88 00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:54,657 What's this thing on my head? 89 00:04:54,692 --> 00:04:55,922 Jigsaw: Mitch and Maggie, 90 00:04:55,957 --> 00:04:58,320 your selfish natures led to your divorce, 91 00:04:58,355 --> 00:05:00,465 and now you'll test whether your love 92 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,368 ever meant anything at all. 93 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,469 Maggie has a reverse bear trap 94 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:08,297 that will split open her skull in one minute. - Aah! 95 00:05:08,332 --> 00:05:11,036 The key's hidden in the stomach of this woman. 96 00:05:11,071 --> 00:05:14,842 Who lives, who dies -- Make your choice. 97 00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:16,811 Oh, shit. - Oh, God, oh, God! 98 00:05:16,846 --> 00:05:19,110 Vicki! - My much younger fiancée?! 99 00:05:19,145 --> 00:05:20,716 I'm so sorry, Vicki, but I just realized 100 00:05:20,751 --> 00:05:22,047 I still have feelings for my ex-wife. 101 00:05:22,082 --> 00:05:23,950 I mean, she's the mother of my two girls. 102 00:05:23,985 --> 00:05:25,589 Stab! - Ow. 103 00:05:25,624 --> 00:05:26,920 Hurry! - Oh, my stomach! 104 00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:29,890 Stab from the middle. You're doing it all wrong. 105 00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:32,288 Will you stop fucking micromanaging me?! 106 00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,323 I know how to stab someone. 107 00:05:34,358 --> 00:05:35,533 I don't think our plan 108 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,062 to get our parents back together is working. 109 00:05:38,802 --> 00:05:39,966 Aah! 110 00:05:40,001 --> 00:05:41,803 Ah! There! See? You happy now? 111 00:05:44,005 --> 00:05:46,841 This is Billy the Puppet from "The Parent Death Trap." 112 00:05:46,876 --> 00:05:50,075 And you're watching Disney Plus. 113 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,311 ♪ I love my Pogs ♪ 114 00:05:55,346 --> 00:05:57,423 Here, hon. I bought you some toys. 115 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,249 Moon shoes! Thanks, Mom. 116 00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:00,591 You want to watch me bounce? 117 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,154 Oh, sorry, honey. It's Mommy's meth time. 118 00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:05,057 Lookit. These are so cool. 119 00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:07,158 Now, how do these shoes work? 120 00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:09,798 Whooooa! 121 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:10,964 Oh, shit! 122 00:06:14,134 --> 00:06:16,475 What is happening? 123 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,335 You stupid Earthlings equip your brood with shoes 124 00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,238 that catapult them into the heavens. 125 00:06:21,273 --> 00:06:23,306 We track them to work as captives 126 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,342 on our diarrhea mines of Mazashi 12. 127 00:06:26,377 --> 00:06:28,883 Diarrhea mines? Not today. 128 00:06:29,787 --> 00:06:31,655 Soccer Boppers! 129 00:06:31,690 --> 00:06:33,492 The Masashs' only weakness. 130 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,823 Have a little sock! 131 00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:36,891 And the bopping! No! No! 132 00:06:36,926 --> 00:06:38,596 I am defeated. 133 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,895 But you will not survive. 134 00:06:42,327 --> 00:06:45,229 Whoooooo! 135 00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:47,264 Skip-It time! 136 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,138 Mom, Mom! The moon shoes blasted me into outer space, 137 00:06:53,173 --> 00:06:54,579 but this Skip-It saved me. 138 00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,240 Oh, no, sweetie. The moon shoes broke 139 00:06:56,275 --> 00:06:57,978 your ankles almost immediately. 140 00:06:58,013 --> 00:07:00,442 You fell - and cracked your skull open. 141 00:07:00,477 --> 00:07:03,115 This whole adventure is just the last of your neurons 142 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:06,492 firing randomly before you die. 143 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,054 Moon shoes! 144 00:07:08,089 --> 00:07:10,221 ♪ '90 toys, we were there for you ♪ 145 00:07:10,256 --> 00:07:12,223 ♪ When your parents were on meth ♪ 146 00:07:13,226 --> 00:07:16,029 Mirror, mirror on the wall, 147 00:07:16,064 --> 00:07:19,538 who is the fairest of them all? 148 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:24,609 I shall have to say it's Big Butt Mary in River Town. 149 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:27,172 My God, it's magnificent. 150 00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:29,977 Past Jedi, be with me. 151 00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:31,473 Please, I need your help. 152 00:07:31,508 --> 00:07:32,980 - We're here, Rey. - Use the Force. 153 00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:36,049 Hey, hey, hey! - Don't forget me, Yarael Poof. 154 00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:38,084 Remember me? From the Jedi Council. 155 00:07:38,119 --> 00:07:40,383 Oh, gosh, - it is dark and musty in here. 156 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:42,319 I'm here for you, too, Rey. 157 00:07:42,354 --> 00:07:43,859 We're a dyad in the Force. 158 00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:47,027 Dyad? Oh. So are we just, like, making things up? 159 00:07:48,195 --> 00:07:49,766 Uhh! - So, hey, Rey. 160 00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:51,493 I can tag in any time. 161 00:07:51,528 --> 00:07:53,737 You know, if you want the help of an honest-to-goodness Jedi, 162 00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,765 as opposed to Captain Emo or... 163 00:07:58,843 --> 00:08:00,106 She's gonna die. 164 00:08:00,141 --> 00:08:02,438 Force, healing power. 165 00:08:02,473 --> 00:08:04,979 Could we always just heal people with the Force like that? 166 00:08:05,014 --> 00:08:06,409 It seems to me - that that would have been 167 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,279 a useful thing to know. 168 00:08:10,514 --> 00:08:13,922 I think, you know, I and a lot of other people assumed you two 169 00:08:13,957 --> 00:08:16,562 were at the very least cousins. All I'm saying is maybe 170 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,993 let's do a little - back-of-the-napkin family tree 171 00:08:19,028 --> 00:08:21,259 before we lock any lips, okay? 172 00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:22,865 Yarael Poof, is it? 173 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:26,099 Could you grab my spaceship and bring it around to pick us up? 174 00:08:26,134 --> 00:08:28,134 Oh, yeah, great. Once again, 175 00:08:28,169 --> 00:08:31,137 Yarael the Jedi Master does the grunt work. Oy. 176 00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:33,876 Giving you my life force. 177 00:08:33,911 --> 00:08:35,372 You're cousins! 178 00:08:39,444 --> 00:08:40,784 Cousins! 179 00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:43,787 This holiday season on the Hallmark Channel... 180 00:08:43,822 --> 00:08:46,317 I'm a recently divorced teacher who needed a change. 181 00:08:46,352 --> 00:08:48,924 I left my phone, my laptop, and my dignity at home 182 00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:50,288 for a week in the mountains, 183 00:08:50,323 --> 00:08:52,488 but I never thought I'd find love amongst the trees. 184 00:08:52,523 --> 00:08:54,391 I'm a curmudgeonly lodge rental owner 185 00:08:54,426 --> 00:08:56,360 who's never given love a chance... 186 00:08:56,395 --> 00:08:57,966 until now. 187 00:08:58,001 --> 00:08:59,803 Oh, Cameron, I -- 188 00:08:59,838 --> 00:09:01,035 Hold on. 189 00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:03,774 Do you feel like the trees just got closer? 190 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:04,709 What do you mean? 191 00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:05,644 That! 192 00:09:06,845 --> 00:09:08,372 We can hide out in the lodge. 193 00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:11,716 Oh, fuck! 194 00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:13,542 Why are there so many trees in here? 195 00:09:13,577 --> 00:09:16,083 How else will people know it's Christmas time? 196 00:09:16,118 --> 00:09:20,054 Ohh! This is - not love amongst the trees! 197 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,958 Ahh! 198 00:09:22,993 --> 00:09:24,355 This is the life. 199 00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:25,961 I love you, Doris. 200 00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:27,325 I love you, too, Fred. 201 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,900 "Pining for Tree Love 3: Sappily Ever After." 202 00:09:30,935 --> 00:09:32,297 Only on the Hallmark Channel. 203 00:09:32,332 --> 00:09:35,300 Hallmark. We cast more trees than people. 204 00:09:35,632 --> 00:09:37,742 Man: We did it. We traveled through time 205 00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,645 and saved the world. Yeah. 206 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,978 Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna invent time travel. 207 00:09:43,013 --> 00:09:44,111 Aah! 208 00:09:44,146 --> 00:09:45,475 We are in the past. 209 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:46,883 Where is the child? 210 00:09:46,918 --> 00:09:50,579 He is the one who will invent time travel. Kill him. 211 00:09:50,614 --> 00:09:51,723 What did you do? 212 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,022 I just said, - "I want to invent time travel." 213 00:09:54,057 --> 00:09:56,552 Where is - the inventor of time travel? 214 00:09:56,587 --> 00:09:59,962 He must pay for what the future has become. 215 00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:03,867 Death to the time child. 216 00:10:03,902 --> 00:10:06,595 Energy volts. 217 00:10:06,630 --> 00:10:09,202 Do not invent time travel, young man! 218 00:10:09,237 --> 00:10:11,204 I won't. I promise. 219 00:10:11,239 --> 00:10:12,634 Oh, thank God. 220 00:10:12,669 --> 00:10:14,570 It's over. - Good. 221 00:10:14,605 --> 00:10:17,111 Because I totally want to invent time travel. 222 00:10:18,246 --> 00:10:21,445 The future demands the child's death! 223 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,051 What's wrong with you?! 224 00:10:25,517 --> 00:10:26,692 Aah! - Aah! 225 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,650 I am you, but from the future. 226 00:10:28,685 --> 00:10:31,257 Inventing time travel disrupted all of reality. 227 00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:34,293 You must give up your dream of inventing time travel. 228 00:10:34,328 --> 00:10:36,735 Okay! - But it would have been cool. 229 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,935 Actually it's totally cool. 230 00:10:38,970 --> 00:10:40,365 Ha! I knew it. 231 00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,104 Future me! - Oh, come on! 232 00:10:43,139 --> 00:10:45,711 Creature: Murder the Time Child! Murder him! 233 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,911 You just lost - your TV privileges, young man. 234 00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:49,880 Oh, Dad! 235 00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:52,245 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 236 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,247 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 237 00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:56,755 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 238 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,581 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 239 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,924 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 240 00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:02,992 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 241 00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:05,192 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 242 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:09,262 Stoopid Monkey.