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[ Theme music playing ]
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00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:16,815
♪♪
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00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:23,555
♪♪
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00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,524
It's alive!
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00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:34,466
♪♪
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00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:43,375
♪♪
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Naruto, you have the Fox
of Nine Tails spirit within you.
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,481
But to become the leader
of the Konoha village,
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00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,383
you must first survive
the ninja exam!
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00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:59,991
♪♪
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Let the ninja exam begin!
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Whoo-ha!
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00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,678
"Think of a ninja you admire,
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00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:09,879
and list three
of the qualities
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00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,180
that make him
or her a good leader.
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00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,038
Which quality do you
share with him or her?
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00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,906
Which quality
could you improve upon?"
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00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,575
Oh, my fucking God.
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00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,711
♪♪
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Essay section!
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00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,382
♪♪
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Time!
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00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,885
Multiple choice!
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00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,720
Make a butterfly design.
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Teachers love
when you get creative.
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00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:31,623
No, they don't.
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00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,592
Time!
Ha-ha-ha!
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00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,460
Written section, 86%.
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00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:36,461
Essay section!
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00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:37,462
Essay! Section!
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00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:38,597
Good thesis statement,
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00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,799
backed up by some
real bullshit.
Ugh!
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Multiple choice!
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00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,569
38%!
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00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,504
Should have at least
drawn a butterfly.
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00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,204
[ Sobs ]
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00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,806
Naruto, you have failed!
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00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,774
Aah! Ugh!
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00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:51,276
[ Sobs ]
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00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:55,347
However, your father is a very
generous donor to our school.
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00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,915
Congratulations!
You are a ninja!
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Yeah!
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Oh, happy day!
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00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:01,319
Another month down.
45
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:04,022
Time for this uterus
to finally make a baby!
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00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,223
[ Dramatic music plays ]
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00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,092
God damn it!
Every month, Charlotte!
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00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,827
Stop gaslighting me!
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00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,295
I hate you!
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00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,663
I'm just thinking
of, like,
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00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,232
getting really into line dancing
this year, you know?
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00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,234
Ow! Owww! Oww, owww!
53
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,114
[ Whispering ] You're bleeding
through your pants again.
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00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,506
God damn it!
Every fucking month, uterus!
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00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,186
Announcer: Welcome to
"Legends of Hardball,"
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00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,676
the all-star game
for ball players
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00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,178
with hilarious names.
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00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,513
Yes, folks, these are
actual baseball players.
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00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,516
Tonight, it's a classic pitching
duel between Rollie Fingers
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00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:32,851
and Catfish Hunter.
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00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,554
And here comes leadoff batter
Johnny Dickshot!
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00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,888
John Oscar Dickshot,
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00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:38,490
lifetime batting average of .276
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00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,425
and born well before
the internet, thankfully.
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00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,294
Fingers with a slider.
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00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,330
And it's a high hard one
to center field!
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00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,332
Here comes Pete LaCock
and Dick Cox,
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00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,167
and no one is calling
fair ball.
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00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,303
Oh! It's a Cock slam!
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00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:52,871
Well, there's a rare sight,
folks...
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00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,439
two Cocks, no ball.
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00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,508
Johnny Dickshot
rounds second base.
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00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,043
Ty Cobb
is waving him in.
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00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,212
Dickshot's going all the way!
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00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:01,880
But Rusty Kuntz
queefs the ball
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00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,049
down the third baseline
to Trey McNutt.
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00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,218
And here comes Dickshot
right into McNutt!
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00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,420
Umpire Harry Colliflower
with the call.
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00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,854
Safe!
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00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:12,891
Manager Kevin Quackenbush does
not like that call one bit.
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00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,293
[ Duck squabbling ]
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00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,796
[ Fanfare plays ]
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[ Crowd cheering ]
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[ Melancholy music plays ]
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Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly!
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[ Sobbing ] Ugly! Guh!
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Mmph. Delicious!
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00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,943
[ Sobbing ] Ugly, ugly!
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Ugh!
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00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:33,945
Mmm!
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Mmm, mmm, mmm!
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I'm lovin' it.
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It's over, Hans.
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You're about
to die hard.
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You'll die hard too...
die harder, McClane.
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00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,726
I've got terrorists
on every floor of this building.
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00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,794
I already told 'em
I was coming to kill you.
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They know
you're finished.
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Yippee-ki-yay,
motherfucker.
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Ugh!
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Aah!
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Aaah!
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Aww.
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You guys are so sweet.
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00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,312
Ugh!
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Merry Christmas,
sweetie.
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00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:11,616
It's Baby Secret!
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The doll that whispers
private things!
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Tell me a secret!
[ Giggles ]
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Santa Claus is a lie.
[ Gasps ]
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Tell me another secret,
Baby Secret.
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00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,561
Your older sister's
your real mom.
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Your mom's your grandma!
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Huh?!
[ Cord snaps ]
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Oh, shit.
You killed me!
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Fuck you!
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She was right
about your sister.
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Please, Pinhead,
let us go!
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Never! Your suffering shall be
eternal in this hellscape...
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Woman:
Pinhead! Pinhead!
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Mama needs you, sweetums.
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Uh... y-you will
rue the day when...
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I can hear
your monologuing!
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Do you need to
take care of that?
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What, Mom?! Gosh!
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Honey, I need your help
with a sewing pattern.
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I'm out of pins.
Ugh.
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00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,010
Pin, a pin...
Ow! Alright,
that's enough.
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00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,111
A safety pin?
How'd you get in there?
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00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,668
You got...
You got enough.
Oh!
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00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:06,204
[ Grunting ]
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00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,872
Please help me, Jesus!
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Pouf! Jesus!
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00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,076
Alright,
let's do this!
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Give him
the other cheek.
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There you go!
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[ Bell dings ]
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If I ask you
to marry me again,
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you will.
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00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,657
Alakazam!
Force power!
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00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,858
Hey! Wait!
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00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,226
We can do that?!
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00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,694
We know
where she is...
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Ah! Aah! Aah!
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[ Snap! ]
Not fair!
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Force magic!
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Wah!
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[ Applause ]
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00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,168
Ugh! Augh!
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00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,269
- Heyyy!
- Wow!
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00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:39,604
W-Where did that
come from?
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00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,306
Ah! Ah!
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Yah! Ta-da!
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00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,611
- Where'd Commander Ren go?
- Just vanished!
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Ta-da!
[ Laughter ]
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00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,115
Magic!
What?!
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00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,616
Thank you. Thanks.
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00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,285
Lightsaber! Flowers!
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00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,388
Both: The Force,
ladies and gentlemen!
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00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,555
The Force!
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00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,124
Are you seriously
rolling your eyes?
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That was amazing.
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00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,428
It's been so boring
since the blizzard hit.
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00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,063
We haven't had a guest
in weeks!
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00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,364
What should we do
today?
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00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,600
Oh! We haven't bullied
Mr. Moseby yet.
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00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:11,436
Come to think of it,
I haven't seen him in days.
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00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,973
Is that a calculator?
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00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:18,743
I think it's called
a tap-writer.
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00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,345
Let's go fart
in his ear.
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He'll love that.
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Do you want to read
my novel?
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[ Both scream ]
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I need notes!
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00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,220
- Big wheelers!
- Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
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♪ There's a ghost in that room ♪
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00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,224
♪ One writin' "redrum"
on the wall ♪
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♪ Zack and Cody
had the suite life ♪
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00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:37,262
♪ Now they've got
haunted halls ♪
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Come play with us,
Zack and Cody.
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00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,099
There's only room
for one set of twins
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00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,100
in this hotel!
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00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,701
I thought
we were special!
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00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,870
♪ Used to be they had
a lucky streak ♪
Aah! Twins!
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00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,650
♪ Now they're practically
in hell ♪
Fuck you!
Assholes.
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00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,774
♪ Turns out life ain't
always sweet ♪
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00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,243
♪ When you live in a hotel ♪
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00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,412
Whew!
Think we lost 'em.
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00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:57,382
"Tipton Ball,
July 4, 1921"?!
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00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,385
I knew Mr. Moseby was old,
but not 300 years old.
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00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,288
It makes sense
if he's a g-g-g-g-g-g-ghost!
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00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,523
[ Elevator bell dings ]
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00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:10,528
This is so not sweet!
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00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,530
Heeeeere's
Marion!
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00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,532
Wait.
Your name's Marion?
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00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,534
- Oh, my God!
- Laughter! Ah-ha-ha
197
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,002
That's so
embarrassing!
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00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:19,804
That's on your
driver's license?!
199
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,717
You have to put that on your
job applications and stuff?!
200
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,541
Har har har!
Ah-ha-ha!
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00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:24,609
Whoa!
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00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,878
John Wayne's first name
was Marion.
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00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:31,015
♪ This is "The Shining Life" ♪
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00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:34,352
Oh, boy, my aunt Trudy sent me
a free membership
205
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,588
to MasterClass
instead of the life-size
206
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,223
Chewbacca pillow buddy
I requested,
207
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,592
which was definitely
not for sexual purposes.
208
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,093
[ Cellphone chimes ]
209
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,562
Ooh! Martin Scorsese
teaches filmmaking.
210
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,464
Maybe he'll finally
explain his heresy
211
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,199
against the Marvel
Cinematic Universe.
212
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:49,801
Welcome to my MasterClass.
213
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,637
I'll start with the films that
influenced me as a young man.
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00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:55,740
First up, Ozu's tone poem,
"A Story of Floating"...
215
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,909
Oh, this is incredibly
entertain...
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00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,577
[ Snoring ]
217
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,412
Uh, where am I?
218
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,114
You talking to me?
219
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,650
Oh, my gosh,
it's Ben Stiller's dad.
220
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:07,730
You know, I wouldn't have
pegged him for a Yondu fan.
221
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,420
Nice Mohawk,
Mr. Focker.
222
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:10,755
That's Travis Bickle,
223
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:14,025
the troubled anti-hero
from my film "Taxi Driver."
224
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,360
And you're Iris,
225
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,862
the teen runaway
he ultimately rescues.
226
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,264
Eeee, action!
227
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,065
I have
a taxicab confession.
228
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:24,002
I've n... I've never seen
this movie.
229
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,404
Geez, you're so handsy.
Time to sell that body, honey.
230
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:27,405
Mr. White!
231
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,406
Ah! Sleep gun!
232
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,408
Pow pow pow pow!
Gun noises!
233
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,543
You're safe, Iris.
234
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:33,378
Now I must go
to my tiny studio apartment.
235
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,445
to scrapbook.
236
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,748
Oh, my gosh.
Teen runaways?
237
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,082
Harvey Keitel?
238
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:39,417
Scrapbooking?!
239
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,596
I always thought
"Taxi Driver"
240
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,987
was that Queen Latifah movie
where she doesn't rap.
241
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,023
But this is awesome.
At its best,
242
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,358
cinema surprises us with the way
it makes us feel.
243
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:50,094
Right, like when Yondu
dies in "Guardians 2."
244
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:53,131
Have you ever cried and been
aroused at the same time?
245
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,899
The power of cinema!
246
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:56,768
Even a garbage space movie
can elicit emotion.
247
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:57,902
Garbage?
248
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,204
I mean, it wasn't as good
as "Guardians 1,"
249
00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:01,606
but garbage?
[ Chuckling ]
250
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,541
♪ Open up your eyes, kid ♪
251
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,376
♪ There's so much more
to see ♪
252
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:07,512
♪ Than nerd jack fantasies ♪
253
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,515
♪ Ohhhhhh ♪
254
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:14,352
♪ It's a great big
cinematic world out there ♪
255
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,622
♪ With subjects
to challenge you and me ♪
256
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:21,025
♪ From aught-two when Méliès
took a trip to the moon ♪
257
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,395
♪ To Hitchcock shanking Janet
in that psycho's bathroom ♪
258
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,297
Al Hitchcock turned
the film world upside down
259
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,900
by killing who we thought was
the protagonist of "Psycho"
260
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:30,902
in the second reel.
Crazy!
261
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,537
Um, you know what else
is crazy?
262
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,372
That knife's
not even touching me.
263
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,808
As a matter of fact, the blade
never even got close to her.
264
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,221
But the audience was certain
they'd seen it go stabby-stabby.
265
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,246
You should see
"Friday the 13th Part 3D."
266
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,415
It looked so real,
I wet myself.
267
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,250
That's a power of cinema!
268
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:47,752
Wheeeeeee!
269
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:51,222
♪ Easy Rider's hippies showed
the world's changing tide ♪
270
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,324
♪ And gangster tropes got
bang-bang-banged ♪
271
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,326
♪ In "Bonnie and Clyde" ♪
272
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,328
Bonnie, I am impotent.
273
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,497
Eh, I'm cool with that.
274
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,834
Oh, my gosh, did this really
happen in the movie?
275
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,802
A slow-motion ballet
of bloodshed.
276
00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:06,471
Ah, like
"Step Up 2: The Streets."
277
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:07,805
Agree to disagree.
278
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,108
This is the ultimate takedown
of murderous criminals
279
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,820
the audience has actually
come to root for.
280
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:13,277
This is so cool!
281
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:14,912
Ugh, agh, eee!
282
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,048
Say, how long
does this go on for?
283
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,616
Geh! Aah! Aah!
284
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,984
Oh! Oh.
285
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,819
[ Chuckling ]
It was just a dream.
286
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,555
But I learned so much
about the power of cinema.
287
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,557
So did I.
Poor Yondu.
288
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,192
You know, I'm rethinking
my whole stance
289
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,293
on the Marvel Universe.
290
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:30,372
I hope you don't mind
me telling you
291
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,529
I'm at full mast here.
292
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,666
And the student becomes
the adjunct professor.
293
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,011
So, what time does your mom
make dinner?
294
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,468
It's Tuesday.
I'm thinking tacos,
295
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:39,804
followed by
"Step Up 2: The Streets."
296
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,472
Uhhh...
I call it
"Step Up Tuesday."
297
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,408
Now,
"The Irishman,"
298
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,942
it was
too fucking long.
299
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,245
Wha... Mother!
Rude!
300
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,713
I'm so sorry,
Marty.
301
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:49,714
I call him Marty.
302
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:50,715
We're friends.
No, we're not.
303
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,750
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
304
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,084
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
305
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,986
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
306
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,154
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
307
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,488
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
308
00:10:57,523 --> 00:10:59,323
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
309
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:00,324
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
310
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:01,659
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
311
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,728
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
312
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,930
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
313
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:09,934
Stoopid Monkey.