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_
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It's alive!
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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- Is coloring boring, Dad?
- Of course not.
5
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It's so much fun to
color with you, Megan.
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- Let's color some shit purple.
- Yay! purple!
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You like my hair, Nancy?
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Most girls find it... ridiculous.
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Nancy, you cannot go upstairs with him.
10
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Barb, if I want to go upstairs,
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and do stranger things
with Steve,
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then you can just wait for me
here, so sober and so alone.
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This is all so strange.
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- Oh, yeah. So strange.
- You like my thing?
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- Your stranger thing.
- Take my stranger thing, then.
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It's too strange.
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- Oh, yeah.
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Ugh. Totally gonna get
blamed for this, aren't I?
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Yeah, I just ordered an Uber.
20
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It's this new cheap
option called "Uber Plow."
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Mm.
Just one more pick-up.
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- W-What's happening?
- Are you Stephanie?
23
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No!
I'm Muriel Van Howl, III.
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Okay.
25
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Here we go.
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Ah, my hip!
27
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- Uber Zeppelin for Muriel.
- Yes, that's me.
28
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You like Led Zeppelin?
I'm just kidding.
29
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I got my old mix
of Billy Joel dubstep.
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Oh, shit...
31
00:02:01,598 --> 00:02:05,257
Fun fact ... Brothels were
abundant in ancient Pompei.
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Rome minted special coins for payments
33
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with pictures of the sexual act
that the person would pay for.
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Some were worth more than
others, depending on the act.
35
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- Hey, could we get a flashback on that?
- You bet.
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Anyone have change for an anal?
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Yeah, I got four missionaries.
38
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Look at all these handjobs.
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Sorry, you can't pay for melon
with a reverse cowgirl.
40
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I'd like to buy your finest orgy.
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Okay. This is a missionary coin.
42
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You just drew more people on here.
43
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That's how it looked when I got it.
44
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Uh... it's customary to
tip after a flashback?
45
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A rim job!
Thank you, good sir.
46
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I can't believe we're
gonna swim with sharks.
47
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It seems so dangerous.
48
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- Oh, there's the human now!
- Don't worry, Sharketta.
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They can't hurt us inside this cage.
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- Ah!
- Ah!
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- Ugh, God, Sharkjoe.
- You liar.
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Humans truly are the
bloodthirsty predators
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our shark movies make them out to be.
54
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Wow, that was cute.
55
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- Anything happen up here?
- Nope.
56
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Them damn space parasite, you
got to stop taking over my body.
57
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No.
"Hamilton."
58
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What? What are you talking about?
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I want to see "Hamilton."
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"Hamilton, " the hottest show in history?
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Come on. I'm Eddie Brock,
not the Great Mandrake.
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You want me to get house
tickets or something?
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- I can barely hold on to my accent.
- "Hamilton."
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My God, what a great show!
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I had no idea the
founding fathers could rap.
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Alexander Hamilton was not Black,
but it's still incredible.
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Meet Lin-Manuel Miranda.
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No. There's no way we can ... Oh!
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Yo, I'm so sorry, Mr. Lin Miranda.
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- Lenny La-Mandolin.
- Oh, don't be sorry.
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I'd be surprised if people
didn't sneak in to see me.
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I want to touch him.
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No, no, no, no, no! Hm.
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- You say, "I love you."
- I love you, Lin.
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I love me, too.
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♪ I am Alexander Hamilton ♪
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♪ Alexander Hamilton
is super cool! ♪
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And also Venom ...
Lin Venom Well-Menanda.
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Badum!
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00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,034
Hey, are you that tree
that killed Sonny Bono?
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Yeah, I got him.
What's it to you?
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- This is from Cher.
- No, no, no, no!
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Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
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Wasn't that fun?
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Alright. For the next part of our show,
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we'll need a word from the audience.
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- Impotence.
- Damn it, Carol!
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Thanks for taking a chance on me, sir.
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I'm ready to be a star.
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00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:40,649
Squidward, I'm telling you,
nobody has got what you got.
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00:04:40,683 --> 00:04:43,652
Okay. Tentacles ready and...
action.
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Oh. Ooh.
93
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Oh, yes, Squidward.
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I'm a big, bright, shining star.
95
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It's scared.
96
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,877
Oh, yes. It thinks it left the oven on.
97
00:05:03,499 --> 00:05:07,503
It's wondering if anyone
saw if the oven was off.
98
00:05:10,058 --> 00:05:12,129
Previously on "Giraffe Cop"...
99
00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:14,096
You sure this is a safe
place for a drug deal?
100
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:17,755
Bro, we're on the second floor.
The cops can't touch us up here.
101
00:05:17,789 --> 00:05:20,309
Oh, no! It's giraffe cop!
102
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I'm always sticking my
neck out for you guys.
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♪ Who's the badge who
eats chutes and leaves? ♪
104
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- ♪ Giraffe Cop ♪
- ♪ Who ♪
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♪ Giraffe Cop ♪
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Damn right.
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Alright, Zico, deal is a deal.
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You hand over that space nuke
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in exchange for
200 Zacdar crystals.
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It was a pleasure doing
business with you, Captain Kirk.
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The pleasure is all mine.
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Oh, and one last thing ...
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I want to say that you Zactarians
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are the filthiest scum in the galaxy,
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and I'm disgusted just looking at you.
Beam me up, Scotty.
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There's a
transporter malfunction.
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Did you really mean that?
118
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No, no, no, no, no!
It was a joke.
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It was what we do, you
know, when you, you know,
120
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you make just friends,
just friends.
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Why would say that?
122
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Fixed the problem, Captain!
123
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Ha. Because it's true!
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You're a planet of grade-A
shit people. Beam me up!
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Oh, no. Captain, there's a
dingo in the flip rotator.
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Oh, God. Come on, Scotty.
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You did mean it!
You think we're shit people.
128
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No, no, no. No, no.
It was all me, Zica.
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Zica, look at me. I'm a shit people.
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I'm a shit person. I'm shit.
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- Forgive me.
- Okay. I appreciate your apology.
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All fixed now, Captain.
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Psyche!
Adios, shit baby!
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Beam me up! Kirk out.
135
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Where's the space nuke, Captain?
136
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Well, uh, crap.
It looks like I forgot it.
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You'll have to go back.
138
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Yeah, no. No.
Um, I can't do that.
139
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Whoa, whoa!
140
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What's this?
141
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Well, Solid Snake, I'm
afraid you have scoliosis.
142
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Have you been putting
a strain on your back?
143
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Well, when I want to
be sneaky, I do this.
144
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Where did you go?
Where did you go?
145
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Where did you go?
146
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Where did you go?
147
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Hm, since you didn't pay me
for pied-piping away your rats,
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I shall now pied-pipe
away your children.
149
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- Oh, no, terrible.
- Oh, no, not the children.
150
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No, definitely not my little Johan.
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Oh, Johan. I miss you.
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_
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Well, hello, there.
154
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I'm Grandmother Willow,
sage spirit of the Earth
155
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that gives advice to Pocahontas
of the Powhatan tribe.
156
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- Yeah, we gave them all smallpox.
- Oh! Uh...
157
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Then, I guess
I can give advice to you.
158
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Oh, here's some advice...
don't be a tree
159
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- where I'm building my house.
- Ah! Oh, no.
160
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You know, I was
thinking, after dinner tonight,
161
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maybe we could, you know?
162
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Ugh.
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She is angry that you only speak
to her when you want the sex.
164
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- I don't take advice from tables.
- Ah!
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Stupid face in the wood!
166
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I'm gonna stay at my mother's.
167
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She wants you to go after her.
168
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Listen to your heart, and paint
with all the colors of the ...
169
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Burn, you stupid face!
170
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You're a real piece
of shit, you know that?
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And she's been your neighbor!
Paint with that, asshole.
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00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,590
And now, for a special
sponsored edition of
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"Celebrities Read Mean Tweets, "
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00:08:31,454 --> 00:08:34,629
please welcome the Disney Princesses.
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"Ariel looks like a fish with
severe mercury poisoning."
176
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Jesus. Some of my friends
died from mercury poisoning.
177
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,191
"Cinderella is" ... that's
me ... "as interesting
178
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as a sack of flour that
married into the right family."
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Well, , I was abused.
That's interesting.
180
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"I wanted to see her
make out with the bear."
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That was me mum!
How dare you!
182
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Now, you're dead!
183
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So, healthcare...
184
00:09:01,971 --> 00:09:05,971
Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets its wings.
185
00:09:06,006 --> 00:09:07,835
Oh, that's right, sweetheart.
186
00:09:07,869 --> 00:09:10,906
- Oh, well, I'm finally gonna be an angel.
- Hold him. Hold him.
187
00:09:10,907 --> 00:09:13,220
Oh! Oh, no! No!
188
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,049
Oh, God, no!
189
00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:17,327
Oh, no! No!
190
00:09:17,362 --> 00:09:19,398
No, no, no!
191
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,987
Oh, it hurts!
192
00:09:22,022 --> 00:09:23,194
Way to go, Clarence.
193
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:30,409
Is there any warrior who
wishes to challenge T'Challa
194
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,585
for the mantel of the Black Panther?
195
00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:35,690
Very well. If there is no challenger ...
196
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,081
Pink Panther challenges Black Panther.
197
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:49,475
Let the battle begin.
198
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,742
Ow.
199
00:09:57,712 --> 00:09:58,781
Huh?
200
00:10:00,922 --> 00:10:03,235
What? Oh!
201
00:10:25,464 --> 00:10:26,809
What?
202
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,192
Oh, good idea.
I should look nice.
203
00:10:29,227 --> 00:10:32,713
I've been building to this for a while.
204
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:37,996
He's had enough.
205
00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:40,100
He has to yield, or the
challenge is not done.
206
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Do you yield?
207
00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:48,039
He does not yield.
208
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,314
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~