1 00:00:05,076 --> 00:00:06,662 Oh, my gosh. 2 00:00:09,938 --> 00:00:10,765 It's... 3 00:00:25,801 --> 00:00:27,663 It's alive! 4 00:00:42,611 --> 00:00:45,799 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 5 00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:49,456 Get ready, rookie. This is some sick shit. 6 00:00:50,490 --> 00:00:52,190 McDonaldland always 7 00:00:52,214 --> 00:00:53,558 had a dirty underbelly. 8 00:00:53,559 --> 00:00:56,180 Hell, we sold that underbelly cheap to make McRibs. 9 00:00:56,214 --> 00:00:58,318 But now someone had whacked McCheese. 10 00:00:58,352 --> 00:01:01,111 The way he ran this town, it could've been anybody, 11 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:04,835 but it was my job to figure out which anybody. 12 00:01:04,870 --> 00:01:06,006 Rabble, rabble. 13 00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:07,351 I told you, he doesn't know anything. 14 00:01:07,352 --> 00:01:09,870 Maybe a piping-hot cup of joe will change his mind. 15 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:10,972 Ah!, rabble, rabble. 16 00:01:10,973 --> 00:01:14,870 The fry guys, like a two-for-one McGriddle, it didn't add up. 17 00:01:15,004 --> 00:01:16,313 You salty [bleep]s got anything, 18 00:01:16,314 --> 00:01:17,451 or should I mop the gutter with you? 19 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,908 - Eat me. - Two, four, six, eight, 20 00:01:19,943 --> 00:01:21,589 you [bleep] mugs now you will cooperate. 21 00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:24,011 Okay, we overhead some chick saying the mayor 22 00:01:24,012 --> 00:01:25,658 was nearing his expiration date, see? 23 00:01:25,659 --> 00:01:29,176 Chick, huh? And the time of death was 4:30 a.m. 24 00:01:29,211 --> 00:01:31,694 Early, real early. 25 00:01:31,728 --> 00:01:34,383 The early bird gets the worm. 26 00:01:34,418 --> 00:01:37,142 I wasn't going to let some burger-headed politician 27 00:01:37,176 --> 00:01:40,314 inject cheesy beef into my daughters. 28 00:01:42,211 --> 00:01:44,763 Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:47,142 --> 00:01:49,418 Ha, ha! Aah! 30 00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:52,935 Oh, my God! What have I done? 31 00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:56,176 Forget it, rook. It's McDonaldland. 32 00:01:56,211 --> 00:01:58,659 McDonald's new cheesy beef McNuggets. 33 00:01:58,694 --> 00:02:00,763 Your kids will kill for them. 34 00:02:00,797 --> 00:02:03,866 You should've gone for the head. 35 00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:07,142 Concussions are nothing to joke ... By Asgard's asshole, stop! 36 00:02:08,487 --> 00:02:09,658 Don't go, Daddy. 37 00:02:09,659 --> 00:02:11,418 I'm just going out for cigarettes, sweetie. 38 00:02:11,452 --> 00:02:13,383 I'll be right back. 39 00:02:13,418 --> 00:02:16,659 Just try a little spinach, okay? Look, Mommy likes it. 40 00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:21,349 My human centipede is complete. 41 00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:23,901 I must take a picture for Facebook. 42 00:02:24,832 --> 00:02:26,797 Oh, come on! 43 00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:29,763 Please, don't jump. You have so much to live for. 44 00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:32,383 No, I don't. Nobody loves me. 45 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:36,487 That's not true. Your mother loves you. Here she is. 46 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,383 Oh, hello, sweetheart. 47 00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:45,970 It's your mother. Are you washing your underwear? 48 00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:49,004 Oh, how is that my fault? 49 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:51,763 Mr. Peterson, before we start your colonoscopy, 50 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,038 we'll inject a small bit of air into your bowels. 51 00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:56,418 You might feel some pressure. 52 00:02:57,451 --> 00:03:00,101 Uh, Doc? 53 00:03:01,038 --> 00:03:02,451 New from the makers of Bratz, 54 00:03:02,452 --> 00:03:05,038 more sassy dolls with oodles of attitude. 55 00:03:05,073 --> 00:03:06,773 Here come the Brats. 56 00:03:06,797 --> 00:03:08,244 Meet Madchen... 57 00:03:08,245 --> 00:03:09,589 Am I covered in onions? 58 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,901 Because when you see my style, you'll be crying. 59 00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,003 ...Prinzessin... 60 00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:15,142 The bigger the hot dog, the better. 61 00:03:15,176 --> 00:03:16,244 ...Bruste... 62 00:03:16,245 --> 00:03:17,417 Let's have a beach party, 63 00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:20,211 and when I turn brown, flip me over! 64 00:03:20,245 --> 00:03:21,417 ...and Trottel. 65 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:26,319 Call me a sexy toilet because when you see me, you must... turd? 66 00:03:26,354 --> 00:03:27,486 - You idiot! - You stupid! 67 00:03:27,487 --> 00:03:31,418 - You ruined our commercial! - Catch up with the Brats. 68 00:03:31,452 --> 00:03:35,418 ♪ Jacking with fruit is not the same ♪ 69 00:03:35,452 --> 00:03:41,211 ♪ As when you call me by your name ♪ 70 00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:42,831 For the crime of witchcraft, 71 00:03:42,832 --> 00:03:45,694 we sentence this heathen to death. 72 00:03:48,659 --> 00:03:52,211 - More horses. - You'll never pull me apart. 73 00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:54,763 I'm Stretch [bleep] Armstrong! 74 00:03:54,797 --> 00:03:57,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, guys. Come on. 75 00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:01,041 Yo, Joe! Is everyone clear on the objective? 76 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,351 - Yo, Joe! - No, we are not. 77 00:04:03,385 --> 00:04:06,420 This country's dictator is a real snake. 78 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:09,799 - His people want freedom. - So let's liberate them! 79 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:14,178 - Yo, Joe! - Yo, Joe! Except we actually can't do that 80 00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:17,454 because the oppressed people have joined forces with terrorists. 81 00:04:17,489 --> 00:04:19,730 Good thing G.I. Joe was made for smashing terrorists. 82 00:04:19,765 --> 00:04:21,730 - Yo, Joe! - Yo, Joe-kay. 83 00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:26,351 But if we smash these terrorists, we risk a nuclear conflict with Russia. 84 00:04:26,385 --> 00:04:28,489 Snake Eyes says the situation is fubar, 85 00:04:28,523 --> 00:04:30,177 and we should make a strategic retreat. 86 00:04:30,178 --> 00:04:32,316 We can't do that because the dictator 87 00:04:32,351 --> 00:04:36,110 is using chemical weapons against children. Yo, Joe. 88 00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:38,558 And that's one thing G.I. Joe won't stand for. 89 00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:41,282 - Yo, Joe. - Dusty, is there sand in your ears? 90 00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:43,282 Removing the dictator means the terrorists win. 91 00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:45,385 Not on my watch! Oh, wait, Russia... 92 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,939 We've got to do something... 93 00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:51,730 Good idea, Snake Eyes. Cross-country, take out that hill. 94 00:04:53,247 --> 00:04:54,660 - We did it! - Yeah! 95 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,903 - Yo, Joe. - [Bleep] that hill. 96 00:04:56,937 --> 00:04:59,213 We are going to be here forever, aren't we? 97 00:04:59,247 --> 00:05:01,696 Mom, why did the vet cut off Scruffy's testicles? 98 00:05:01,730 --> 00:05:03,834 Well, Billy, they were making Scruffy aggressive 99 00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:06,730 and hard to deal with, but he'll be much calmer now. 100 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,109 Shut up! I'm drunk. 101 00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:10,696 Anybody that bugs me is going to get hit. 102 00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:12,868 When did you put all these stairs in here? 103 00:05:15,075 --> 00:05:16,446 Do it. 104 00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:20,489 ♪ Oh, mommy food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 105 00:05:20,523 --> 00:05:22,316 ♪ Daddy food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 106 00:05:22,351 --> 00:05:24,247 ♪ Baby food, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 107 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,765 ♪ Human food... ♪ Aah! 108 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,765 ♪ Oh, kill the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 109 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,627 ♪ Kill the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 110 00:05:33,661 --> 00:05:35,454 ♪ Kill the shark, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 111 00:05:35,489 --> 00:05:37,143 ♪ Kill the shark ♪ 112 00:05:37,144 --> 00:05:39,247 ♪ Oh, shark BJ, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 113 00:05:39,282 --> 00:05:40,971 ♪ I'm not gay, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 114 00:05:40,972 --> 00:05:42,972 ♪ But it's okay, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 115 00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:44,868 ♪ I'm dead ♪ 116 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,144 ♪ Oh, show your teeth, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 117 00:05:50,178 --> 00:05:52,351 - ♪ You son of a - Dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 118 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,144 ♪ Now we're done, dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 119 00:05:54,178 --> 00:05:56,937 ♪ So much fun, dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪ 120 00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,420 Hi, I'm a helpful Honda guy. I see you had some trouble. 121 00:06:00,454 --> 00:06:01,626 Is there anything I can help you with? 122 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,074 I've always wanted to know the truth about 123 00:06:03,075 --> 00:06:04,350 the JonBenét Ramsey case. 124 00:06:04,351 --> 00:06:07,006 - Uh, I can fix your car window? - You know who had a broken window? 125 00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,660 JonBenét Ramsey's house. 126 00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:11,041 I mean, who did it, the parents, the brother, a kidnapper? 127 00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:14,385 - I would totally like some help with that. - Uh... 128 00:06:18,385 --> 00:06:20,316 This case is full of inconsistencies ... 129 00:06:20,351 --> 00:06:21,971 the hastily scribbled ransom note, 130 00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:23,453 the time it took to find the body, 131 00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:25,627 the undigested pineapple in her stomach. 132 00:06:25,661 --> 00:06:29,627 - It doesn't make any sense. - Are you going to change my flat? 133 00:06:29,661 --> 00:06:32,627 You know who else had a flat? The back of JonBenét's skull. 134 00:06:32,661 --> 00:06:34,868 It was suicide! Fix my car! 135 00:06:34,903 --> 00:06:37,558 The body was found here. 136 00:06:37,592 --> 00:06:39,420 Oh, my God! This is it. 137 00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:43,592 I know who killed JonBenét Ram... Aah! 138 00:06:43,627 --> 00:06:46,730 Lease the 2019 Civic SI coupe for as little as $299 139 00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:49,834 a month plus tax for 36 months or get 0.9% financing on a 2019 Pilot. 140 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,661 If you have any information about the JonBenét Ramsey 141 00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,005 murder case, contact your local 142 00:06:53,006 --> 00:06:54,695 - Honda dealership. - Ugh. 143 00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,799 And that's when they realized the voice was coming 144 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,799 - from inside the phone. - Okay, cool. 145 00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:04,144 - Anyone have a story that's actually scary? - I've got one. 146 00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:05,937 Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, 147 00:07:05,972 --> 00:07:09,592 The Tale of the High School of Doom. 148 00:07:09,627 --> 00:07:13,454 It was just another day until shadowy figure appeared. 149 00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:14,936 And in its hand was... 150 00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:17,903 A reverse diary that tells the future instead of the past. 151 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,868 A Trapper Keeper once owned by Satan. 152 00:07:19,903 --> 00:07:22,489 Its other hand because it was chopped off! 153 00:07:22,523 --> 00:07:25,696 No, it was an AR-15. 154 00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:27,834 I'm an outcast, and you bullied me maybe. 155 00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:30,006 My motivations aren't super clear because I'm a teenager 156 00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:32,145 with underdeveloped control of my emotions, 157 00:07:32,146 --> 00:07:33,784 and now I'm going to take my revenge. Yeah! 158 00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:34,729 Betty Anne, I'm going to stop 159 00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,834 you right there because this ... not a scary story. 160 00:07:36,868 --> 00:07:38,246 Oh, yes, it is. 161 00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:40,523 I vote to banish Betty Anne from the society. 162 00:07:40,558 --> 00:07:42,937 Her story isn't scary. It's just real life. 163 00:07:42,972 --> 00:07:46,696 - Real life is the scariest tale of all. - I'm chilled to the bone. 164 00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,834 I didn't shit my pants, but it's, like, half out. 165 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,558 Everyone, shut up! You're ruining Midnight Society. 166 00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:52,971 I'm so mad! 167 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,765 - What? - Oh, my God! 168 00:07:54,799 --> 00:07:56,499 - Go, go, go! - He's got a gun! 169 00:07:58,041 --> 00:07:59,741 Aaah! 170 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:06,972 Did that count as real life? Because that was scary as [bleep]. 171 00:08:07,006 --> 00:08:09,903 Gentlemen, our time of reckoning swiftly approaches. 172 00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:13,937 Soon we will kill Ethan Hunt and his mission impossible team. 173 00:08:13,972 --> 00:08:17,144 - Oh, yeah? - Ethan Hunt! 174 00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:20,454 - Guard, shoot him! - Sorry, sir, but... 175 00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:23,696 I'm really Ethan Hunt! 176 00:08:23,730 --> 00:08:26,110 I'm really your bodyguard. 177 00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:28,075 That's funny because I'm really... 178 00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:31,799 - the dog! - Wait! What? 179 00:08:32,937 --> 00:08:34,696 Ethan Hunt. 180 00:08:34,730 --> 00:08:39,006 Well, if we're all coming clean, I'm actually... 181 00:08:41,178 --> 00:08:43,172 I forgot my mask. 182 00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:48,006 For our final challenge, each of you will be creating 183 00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:50,558 dishes made with an ingredient you fear most. 184 00:08:50,592 --> 00:08:54,075 Bob Belcher, the man who forces his children to work for free 185 00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:57,144 and still can't turn a profit, gets a pigeon. 186 00:08:57,178 --> 00:08:58,900 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 187 00:08:58,935 --> 00:09:02,144 For Alfredo Linguini, a French chef so bad 188 00:09:02,178 --> 00:09:05,041 they named him after cheap, wet Italian noodles, a rat! 189 00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:09,041 - Sacré blue! - For SpongeBob SquarePants, water! 190 00:09:09,075 --> 00:09:13,006 Water?! You live in the sea, you festering gutter slob! 191 00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:16,351 - But I can't swim, Chef! - It's "Yes, Chef," 192 00:09:16,385 --> 00:09:19,144 you piss-colored tampon alternative! 193 00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:21,765 Finally for Chef, who's cuisine and character 194 00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:24,282 is a little two-dimensional, thetans, 195 00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:26,730 a.k.a. the souls of dead aliens. 196 00:09:26,765 --> 00:09:30,523 STDs are actually my biggest fear, children. 197 00:09:30,558 --> 00:09:33,144 Contestants, start cooking now! 198 00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:35,178 I'm making open-faced Krabby Patties 199 00:09:35,213 --> 00:09:38,696 with a cherry tomato remoulade and a glass of 200 00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:41,006 w-w-w-w-water. 201 00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:43,213 Aah, it got on me. I'll drown! 202 00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:44,972 Aaah! 203 00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:47,041 Fire! It's impossible to put out! 204 00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:49,454 I'm making feta-stuffed-pigeon burgers 205 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,420 if I can open my eyes. 206 00:09:51,454 --> 00:09:53,247 Ah, oh, my heart. 207 00:09:53,282 --> 00:09:57,006 Tell Tina "Me too" goes both ways. 208 00:09:57,316 --> 00:09:58,902 I'm making a linguini rat-fredo, 209 00:09:58,903 --> 00:10:02,351 if I could just get my hands to chop off this rat's God darn... 210 00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:05,144 Don't do it! That's my Uncle Joey. 211 00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:08,256 Aaah! 212 00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:10,696 I'm making a thetan lava cake, children. 213 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:14,351 Just need to pour the thetans into the chocolate volcano and... 214 00:10:14,385 --> 00:10:17,696 Oh, shit! Everyone, I'm going clear! 215 00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:19,040 Pew, pew, pew! 216 00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:20,903 Got one! Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew! 217 00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:23,213 - Aaaah! - Hide and cover! Hide and cover! 218 00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,420 Aaaah! 219 00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:27,972 Thetans, you absolute donkeys! 220 00:10:28,006 --> 00:10:31,316 Either make me a risotto or get the [bleep] out. 221 00:10:31,351 --> 00:10:33,397 Yes, Chef. 222 00:10:38,592 --> 00:10:43,316 This risotto is... out of this world! 223 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:46,144 The winner is Scientology! 224 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,969 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~