1
00:00:02,933 --> 00:00:05,005
♪♪

2
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,282
[ Thunder crashes ]

3
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:08,318
[ Theme music plays ]

4
00:00:08,353 --> 00:00:12,012
♪♪

5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,290
[ Whirring ]

6
00:00:14,324 --> 00:00:18,225
♪♪

7
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:20,434
Man: It's alive![ Thunder rumbles ]

8
00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:27,820
♪♪

9
00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:30,064
[ Thunder crashes ]

10
00:00:30,099 --> 00:00:38,107
♪♪

11
00:00:38,141 --> 00:00:39,315
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

12
00:00:39,349 --> 00:00:41,110
[ Dinosaur growling ]Shh, shh.

13
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:43,733
[ Whispering ] I thinkit's a Velociraptor.

14
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:46,149
No.
It's a Veloci-rapper!

15
00:00:46,184 --> 00:00:48,910
♪ One, two, one, two,
look who's coming through ♪

16
00:00:48,945 --> 00:00:51,120
♪ Veloci-rapper,
so what you want to do? ♪

17
00:00:51,154 --> 00:00:53,605
♪ Oh, snap,
I just seen a little boy ♪

18
00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:55,986
♪ So it's time to attack,
bust a rap, and destroy ♪

19
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:57,402
♪ You could run,
but I'll follow you ♪

20
00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:58,713
♪ I'll chew you up
and swallow you ♪

21
00:00:58,748 --> 00:00:59,956
♪ And if there's more people

22
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:01,164
♪ Then I'm-a eat up all of you

23
00:01:01,199 --> 00:01:02,890
♪ I'm from a park
called Jurassic ♪

24
00:01:02,924 --> 00:01:04,271
♪ My rhymes are classic

25
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,376
♪ I'll wrap you with plastic,
douse you with gas ♪

26
00:01:06,411 --> 00:01:08,309
♪ And toss a matchstick

27
00:01:08,344 --> 00:01:10,656
♪ Guarantee once I find you,
you'll be in my submission ♪

28
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:11,933
♪ And if you think
I'll let you live ♪

29
00:01:11,968 --> 00:01:13,590
♪ Then, boy,
you must be wishing ♪

30
00:01:13,625 --> 00:01:15,178
[ Horn blowing ]

31
00:01:15,213 --> 00:01:17,042
Yeah, Jurassic Park all day!West side raptor!

32
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,837
Mother...World star!

33
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,977
Meteors. We out.

34
00:01:21,011 --> 00:01:23,428
Tim, get up!
You got to wake up!

35
00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:26,016
Dr. Grant, the dinosaurdidn't even touch him.

36
00:01:26,051 --> 00:01:28,157
Ah, the Veloci-rapper
simply shreds

37
00:01:28,191 --> 00:01:30,193
all of its victims
with dope lyrics.

38
00:01:30,228 --> 00:01:31,608
Sorry for your loss,
homes.

39
00:01:31,953 --> 00:01:33,610
♪♪

40
00:01:33,645 --> 00:01:36,234
Harry, how can you be
so relaxed?

41
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:38,753
Snape's potion test
is tomorrow!

42
00:01:38,788 --> 00:01:41,549
Oh, because
I'm the chosen one.

43
00:01:41,584 --> 00:01:43,172
Nobody saidI'm the "chosen as long

44
00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:46,106
as he gets good grades" one,
eh?

45
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,935
And the chosen one's
friends

46
00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:50,593
should be exempt
from exams, too.

47
00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:52,422
Will you be quiet?

48
00:01:52,457 --> 00:01:56,426
I need to be well-rested forour big potions test tomorrow.

49
00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:57,703
Why don't you just write
the answers

50
00:01:57,738 --> 00:01:59,429
on the back
of those cucumbers?

51
00:01:59,464 --> 00:02:03,226
Nobody's doing anything
gay in here, are they?

52
00:02:03,261 --> 00:02:06,195
Because that would be okay
with me.

53
00:02:06,229 --> 00:02:09,370
Oh, Dumbledore.

54
00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:11,476
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

55
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:14,548
♪ Come on to Hogwarts

56
00:02:14,582 --> 00:02:16,791
♪ Learn a charm that is new

57
00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:20,312
♪ Where the spells are a curse
or a hex or jinx ♪

58
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:22,625
♪ At Harry's wizardry school

59
00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:24,799
[ Screaming ]

60
00:02:26,318 --> 00:02:28,217
Can anyone play goalie?

61
00:02:28,251 --> 00:02:30,184
[ Grunts ]

62
00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:31,806
You! New guy.

63
00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,049
You're up.

64
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:35,189
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]

65
00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:38,227
♪♪

66
00:02:38,261 --> 00:02:40,090
Yeah,new guy is the balls!

67
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:42,886
[ Buzzer ]

68
00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:44,543
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

69
00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:48,271
Together: Boo!

70
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:51,723
[ Crowd cheering ]

71
00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:53,483
[ Cheers and applause ]

72
00:02:53,518 --> 00:02:55,416
Aah!

73
00:02:55,451 --> 00:02:57,142
[ Cheers and applause
continues ]

74
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,179
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Do it! Do it!

75
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,871
Do it! Do it!

76
00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:03,252
[ Crowd cheers ]

77
00:03:03,286 --> 00:03:06,531
New guy! New guy!
New...

78
00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:09,361
Ah, can anyone play goalie?

79
00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:12,226
[ Whimpers ]

80
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:14,263
Can you describe
the attackers?

81
00:03:14,297 --> 00:03:17,093
Well, they were
these giant humanlike turtles

82
00:03:17,127 --> 00:03:19,337
that were doing
all kinds of karate, and...

83
00:03:19,371 --> 00:03:20,476
I don't know.

84
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,236
Maybe they were teenagers
or something.

85
00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,204
They had weapons.
Ninja weapons.

86
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,446
Anything else?

87
00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:27,586
They smelled like pizza,
and they said "Dude" a lot.

88
00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:29,416
Oh, dude, they had this rat
with them.

89
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:32,246
I don't know if he was their petor, like, their master

90
00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:35,180
or whatever, but, like,
they had something going on.

91
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,595
I don't know.
I'm just speculating.

92
00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:38,321
Did you get a look
at their faces?

93
00:03:38,356 --> 00:03:39,874
No, Officer.
I didn't see it.

94
00:03:39,909 --> 00:03:42,567
They had these colorful
little masks over their eyes,

95
00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:44,948
so I'm like,
"What do they look like, man?"

96
00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:46,122
I don't even know.

97
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:48,158
Without the faces, we'vegot nothing! [ Groans ]

98
00:03:48,504 --> 00:03:50,885
Come on, Abe.Show us what's under that hat.

99
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:52,749
We want to see
why it's so tall.

100
00:03:52,784 --> 00:03:54,958
I wanted a tall hat.
That's it, honestly.

101
00:03:54,993 --> 00:03:56,684
No one needs a hat
that tall.

102
00:03:56,719 --> 00:03:58,272
What are you hidingunder there, freak?!

103
00:03:58,307 --> 00:03:59,515
I'm not hiding anything!

104
00:03:59,549 --> 00:04:00,826
Now, if you'll excuse me.

105
00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:02,380
Not so fast, Abe!
Rip!

106
00:04:02,414 --> 00:04:03,795
[ Stammering ]

107
00:04:03,829 --> 00:04:04,796
Aah!
Aah!

108
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,038
[ Guns cock ]

109
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:11,906
You must not let thishappen again.

110
00:04:11,941 --> 00:04:13,701
Yes, my lord.

111
00:04:13,736 --> 00:04:18,879
♪♪

112
00:04:18,913 --> 00:04:21,847
A girl is ready to jointhe game of thrones.

113
00:04:21,882 --> 00:04:23,608
She must choose a face.

114
00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:25,989
That one.

115
00:04:26,024 --> 00:04:29,614
Perhaps a girl would likea face more like this?

116
00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:31,512
No.
I want that one.

117
00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:32,962
[ Sighs ]

118
00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:37,242
♪♪

119
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,244
[ Beeping ]

120
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,212
♪♪

121
00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:44,560
[ Whirring ]

122
00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:53,293
♪♪

123
00:04:53,327 --> 00:05:01,577
♪♪

124
00:05:01,611 --> 00:05:03,751
Ugh. No.
Not this one.

125
00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:05,719
A girl wanted
the one next to it!

126
00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:07,617
[ Sighs ]

127
00:05:07,652 --> 00:05:09,447
[ Whirring ]

128
00:05:09,481 --> 00:05:14,728
♪♪

129
00:05:14,762 --> 00:05:19,974
♪♪

130
00:05:20,009 --> 00:05:22,011
[ Straining ]

131
00:05:24,151 --> 00:05:26,049
[ Grunts ] Come on.

132
00:05:28,604 --> 00:05:32,539
Man really needs to rethink
the design of this place.

133
00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:35,335
[ Up-tempo music plays ]

134
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:38,648
Gritty: Every mascot
has their own truth.

135
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,927
[ Cheers and applause ]

136
00:05:42,928 --> 00:05:46,587
I just danced my heart out
to "Whoomp! [There It Is]"!

137
00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:48,244
What more do you want
from me?!

138
00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:50,246
Real mascots
are racist caricatures

139
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:54,146
and animals like Hunter,
not fuzzy blobs like you.

140
00:05:54,181 --> 00:05:57,357
I was the best mascot
in the world at one time.

141
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,944
Now I can't stand
the face I see

142
00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:00,256
when I look in the mirror.

143
00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:02,534
They don't care.
No one cares.

144
00:06:02,569 --> 00:06:05,675
I wasn't a perfect purebred
mascot like the others.

145
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:06,987
Not me.

146
00:06:08,298 --> 00:06:09,161
[ Thud ]

147
00:06:09,196 --> 00:06:10,404
Did you just hit me

148
00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:12,061
in the knee with a crowbar?

149
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:14,063
Couldn't feel anything.
Thick padding.

150
00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:15,064
I, uh...

151
00:06:15,098 --> 00:06:16,237
No!

152
00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:18,723
Ha! Huh!

153
00:06:18,757 --> 00:06:20,690
Ha! Huh!
Why?!

154
00:06:20,725 --> 00:06:23,590
[ Crying ] Why?!

155
00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,903
You always hated Hunter,
didn't you?

156
00:06:26,938 --> 00:06:28,318
I didn't do it.

157
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:30,804
But we all watched it
on the JumboTron, didn't we?

158
00:06:30,838 --> 00:06:33,703
That could've been anyone!

159
00:06:33,738 --> 00:06:36,292
America, they want
something to love.

160
00:06:36,326 --> 00:06:37,742
You never loved me.

161
00:06:37,776 --> 00:06:39,260
You tortured me
into greatness.

162
00:06:39,295 --> 00:06:42,263
That's how I love,
stupid!

163
00:06:42,298 --> 00:06:45,784
But they also want a gigantic
orange nightmare creature.

164
00:06:47,717 --> 00:06:48,718
Showtime!

165
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:50,479
I'm Gritty.

166
00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:52,066
Thank you so much
for hiring me

167
00:06:52,101 --> 00:06:53,620
as your assistant,
Nostradamus.

168
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:55,035
What can I do for you?

169
00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:57,900
Please, go to the market andfetch me some ink for my quill.

170
00:06:57,934 --> 00:06:59,142
Yes, sir.
God damn it!

171
00:06:59,177 --> 00:07:00,385
You're gonna buy
brown ink!

172
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,731
I wanted black!

173
00:07:01,766 --> 00:07:03,008
I'm sorry I yelled.

174
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:04,872
I've just got a lot
of prophecies

175
00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:06,322
to write,
and I'm stressed.

176
00:07:06,356 --> 00:07:07,565
Sir, I understand.

177
00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:09,187
Why don't you goto the kitchen and fetch me

178
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:11,120
some hot, relaxing tea?

179
00:07:11,154 --> 00:07:12,466
As you wish.
Aah!

180
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,951
You're gonna spill iton my lap and burn my dick.

181
00:07:14,986 --> 00:07:15,987
Oh, my goodness!

182
00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:17,506
I'm so sorry!
It's fine.

183
00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,784
I'm just a little sensitiveabout my dick.

184
00:07:19,818 --> 00:07:21,130
Understood.
Can I...

185
00:07:21,164 --> 00:07:22,338
You're gonna fuckmy wife!

186
00:07:22,372 --> 00:07:23,339
Aah! Oh.

187
00:07:23,373 --> 00:07:24,754
What?!
I would never.

188
00:07:24,789 --> 00:07:28,102
Yeah, you will, right there onthat couch and behind that door.

189
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:29,103
That's where I'll watch.

190
00:07:29,138 --> 00:07:30,450
Wait. You'll watch?
Yeah.

191
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,623
I'll enjoy watching
for reasons

192
00:07:31,658 --> 00:07:33,245
I won't understand,
and then, one day,

193
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,868
I'll open the door,
try to join in.

194
00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:37,146
You'll be cool.She'll get upset, call it off.

195
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:39,044
Humiliated, I slash both
of your throats

196
00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:41,840
and hang my nude bodyabove your corpses right here.

197
00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,014
I'm going
to leave now.

198
00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:44,533
Wait!
What?

199
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:46,327
Okay, now go.
Okay, bye.

200
00:07:46,362 --> 00:07:47,052
Aah!

201
00:07:47,087 --> 00:07:50,539
"Buy Apple...stock."

202
00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:53,576
[ Crowd cheering ]

203
00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:55,923
Another great show,
Jonas Brothers.

204
00:07:55,958 --> 00:07:58,961
Let's celebrate with some
light hugging with some girls!

205
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:01,860
But what about
our purity rings?

206
00:08:01,895 --> 00:08:03,034
[ Laughter ]

207
00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:04,760
What are purity rings?High five.

208
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:07,072
Sexy boys,
come with me.

209
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,558
Something terrible
has happened.

210
00:08:09,592 --> 00:08:10,904
-Ooh, it's kind of dark.
-Whoa!

211
00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:13,562
Boys, the United States
needs your help.

212
00:08:13,596 --> 00:08:15,322
America needs
the Jonas Brothers?

213
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:16,703
You're not
the Jonas Brothers.

214
00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:18,912
You're actually
the Jonas clones.

215
00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:20,223
-Aah!
-Gasp!

216
00:08:20,258 --> 00:08:22,053
Years ago,
the government was alerted

217
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:24,400
to the existence
of a teen heartthrob

218
00:08:24,434 --> 00:08:26,713
who was
far too heartthrob-y.

219
00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:28,231
His looks were killer.

220
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:29,923
His music was boppin'.

221
00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:31,787
And his hair was floppy.

222
00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:33,513
He was called Jonas.

223
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,618
-Like us!
-Quiet!

224
00:08:35,653 --> 00:08:38,414
You are horse shit
compared to him.

225
00:08:38,448 --> 00:08:39,864
He could blow a kiss
at a fan,

226
00:08:39,898 --> 00:08:42,383
and their G.D. vagina
would explode!

227
00:08:42,418 --> 00:08:45,973
Their heterosexual fathers
needed to give him a BJ.

228
00:08:46,008 --> 00:08:47,906
And to restore
world order,

229
00:08:47,941 --> 00:08:51,254
the government had to step in
and take Jonas captive.

230
00:08:51,289 --> 00:08:52,911
Nooooo!

231
00:08:52,946 --> 00:08:54,775
We experimented
on his genes

232
00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:57,088
to study the limits
of his allure,

233
00:08:57,122 --> 00:08:59,953
but there were no limits.

234
00:08:59,987 --> 00:09:01,955
We couldn't study Jonas
directly,

235
00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:04,164
so we created clones
of him.

236
00:09:04,198 --> 00:09:07,443
We spliced in some frog DNA
to limit his allure.

237
00:09:07,477 --> 00:09:09,687
I had recently watched
"Jurassic Park,"

238
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:11,067
and that's how you
three were born.

239
00:09:11,102 --> 00:09:13,345
-But we're not clones.
-Oh, no?

240
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:15,416
Simply this.
And there. Hm.

241
00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:16,486
Aah! Wait!

242
00:09:16,521 --> 00:09:18,558
Which one am I?!
Kevin? Nick? Jack?

243
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:19,938
There is no Jack Jonas.

244
00:09:19,973 --> 00:09:22,320
Both: There isn't?
I thought I was Jack!

245
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,701
-No!
-Aah!

246
00:09:23,735 --> 00:09:26,566
And the final piece
of evidence. Here.

247
00:09:27,739 --> 00:09:30,293
[ Muffled ] Why tell us now?And do you have more flies?

248
00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:32,330
Today,
Jonas Prime escaped.

249
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,263
We need your help
to track him down.

250
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:35,575
[ Metal clangs ]

251
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:36,955
No! He's...

252
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:38,405
He's still here!

253
00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:40,683
-Ohh!
-Oh!

254
00:09:40,718 --> 00:09:42,754
So...much...allure.

255
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:45,032
Thanks for tracking down
my clothes for me, fools.

256
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:46,102
Now leave us.

257
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:47,103
[ Ting! ]

258
00:09:47,138 --> 00:09:48,311
He winked at us!

259
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:49,899
I'm blushing!

260
00:09:49,934 --> 00:09:52,108
I'm blushing
to death!

261
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:57,079
Now, my clones, together,
we shall rule the world!

262
00:09:57,113 --> 00:09:59,357
Being a Jonas isn'tabout ruling humanity.

263
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It's about loving your fans,playing great music,

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and being toldto wear purity rings

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until you get old enough thatit's weird to wear purity rings.

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Aw, come on, babe.

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You can't resist.
We're the same.

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Oh, arewe?

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Ribbit motherfucker!

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[ Frogs croaking ]

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What are you doing?

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No! S.O.S.! S.O.S.!

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[ Whistle! ]

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[ Explosion ]Oh! We did it!

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Hooray!
Murder!

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Now can we lock down
whether I'm Kevin or Nick?

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[ Laughter ]

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Together: Huh?!

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk

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♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

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Ba-gawk! Bawk.

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[ Gun cocks ]

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[ Screaming ]
Yeah!

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Motherfucker!

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♪♪

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Stupid Monkey.