1 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,784 It's alive! 2 00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:38,470 We're in luck. 3 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,339 The perp left some semen in the back of her throat. 4 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,508 Well, you know what they say... 5 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,978 Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow. 6 00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:49,648 ♪ Ohhhh! ♪ 7 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,720 ♪ I'm the shampoo ♪ 8 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,488 ♪ I'm the shampoo ♪ 9 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,823 ♪ Rub me in your hair ♪ 10 00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,025 ♪ I make it nice and soft ♪ 11 00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,894 ♪ Not just your head ♪ 12 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,896 ♪ Even your pubes ♪ 13 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:06,198 ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt... ♪ 14 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,002 Okay, Seth, say your line, take a bite, and smile. 15 00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,337 Action. Just the way I like it... 16 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,173 flame boiled! 17 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,474 Cut. Back to one. 18 00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:18,777 The line is "flame broiled." Okay, buddy? 19 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,379 Oh, and use your spit bucket. 20 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,814 But I like cheeseburgers. 21 00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,082 Suit yourself. Action! 22 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,216 Just the way I like it... 23 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,818 frame broiled! 24 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,052 Cut. Back to one. 25 00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,521 "Flame broiled," okay? Action. 26 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,223 Just the way I liked it... 27 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,724 flame bloiled! 28 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,959 Cut. Nope. 29 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,427 Back to one. Action. 30 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,129 Just the way I drike it... 31 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,163 drame sploiled! 32 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,731 Jesus! Back to one. 33 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,933 And action. 34 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,435 Hug a tray hi picret... sprame braduffled. 35 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,337 Cut, cut, cut! Seth, you don't look too good. 36 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,638 I don't feel so good. 37 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,340 I told you to use your spit bucket. 38 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,741 Oh, my tummy hurts. 39 00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:50,909 One more take. 40 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,178 You nail it, you get to go lie down, okay, pal? 41 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,948 Okay, sir. And action. 42 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,416 Just a hay bri spra... 43 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,686 Frame... 44 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,122 Blame spoiled! 45 00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:04,957 Thank you for joining me for another tale 46 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,592 from "Seth's Acting Scrapbook." 47 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,893 You know what's funny? 48 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,176 To this day, I can't even hear the word "cheeseb..." 49 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,298 Oh, damn it. 50 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,733 That was my favorite fake book. 51 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,175 How did you talk me into a sketch about freakin' cheeseb... 52 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:22,407 My fellow American Girl dolls, let's all share our stories. 53 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,609 I'll start. 54 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:27,613 I'm Molly, from Illinois and World War II. 55 00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:29,648 I love dancing and ribbons. 56 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,049 My dad is in the Army. 57 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,151 I'm Samantha. 58 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:34,653 I live in New York in 1904. 59 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,689 I love to climb trees, and I'm very loyal. 60 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:38,891 I'm Addy Walker, 61 00:02:38,893 --> 00:02:40,626 from Philadelphia during the Civil War. 62 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:41,908 I was born a slave. 63 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,129 My dislikes include whips, 64 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,598 and I like tire swings and cookies! 65 00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,037 Uh, oh, who... who's next? 66 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,673 Um, Marie Grace, you're from the South... 67 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,275 around the same time period as Addy. 68 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:59,211 You must have some fun stories, right? 69 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,346 Uh... pass. 70 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,082 So, pretty excited for this date. 71 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,285 I live with all dudes in a metal dome, 72 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,453 and Papa needs to play! 73 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,189 I don't want to be rude, Krang, 74 00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:11,323 but I feel like you lied 75 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,891 on your Christian Mingle profile pic. 76 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,160 Well, might have slapped a filter on there. 77 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,729 Hi. We'll both have the oyster platter. 78 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,565 Trust me, hon... They're so good here. 79 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,533 Plus, oysters make you horny. 80 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,135 Wink, wink. 81 00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:25,270 Jesus Christ, shellfish give me hives. 82 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,271 No. 83 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,706 Bring her the oysters. 84 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,508 Oh, what just beeped? 85 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,710 Maybe my baller Apple iWatch 86 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,745 that I got the first day it came out. 87 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,515 Custom color, areola b-b-brown. 88 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:40,085 Speaking of areolas, you have got some grade-A shlobes. 89 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,787 Oh! Me likey! 90 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,523 Next up, for Tuesday Night Karaoke Slam Jam, 91 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,626 we have Krang and Courtney singing "I Got You Babe." 92 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,762 Oh, did I secretly sign us up for karaoke? 93 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,564 I think I did. 94 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,600 Get on up here, Courtney. 95 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,934 Come on, cutie. Come on. 96 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,035 Here she comes, folks. 97 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,704 Give her a big... Where's she going? 98 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,406 Attention... There's a two-story tall, bald android man 99 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,475 in a handicapped spot, and it's being towed. 100 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,444 Oh, no! Kevin! 101 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,718 KITT, did someone do this to you? 102 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,753 Oh, this? I, uh... 103 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:15,821 I... 104 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,122 Fell down the stairs. 105 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,057 I fell down the stairs. 106 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:20,259 Yeah, you did. 107 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,094 ♪ And now a story ♪ 108 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,695 ♪ Of a nice blond woman ♪ 109 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,365 ♪ Who was raising three girls by herself ♪ 110 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,200 ♪ All of them were blond, as well ♪ 111 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,701 ♪ Just like she was ♪ 112 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,670 ♪ They were blond and alone ♪ 113 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,138 ♪ Now here's the story ♪ 114 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,806 ♪ Of her first husband ♪ 115 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,509 ♪ And why he isn't in the picture ♪ 116 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,379 ♪ He died in a freak workplace accident ♪ 117 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,781 ♪ That's why he's not around ♪ 118 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,617 Oh, we don't need to talk about the girls' father. 119 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,086 ♪ Their father was a scientist ♪ 120 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,989 ♪ Working with experimental radiation ♪ 121 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,925 ♪ The core overheated, and his face exploded ♪ 122 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,427 ♪ Not his whole head, just his face ♪ 123 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,795 Oh, my God! 124 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,231 ♪ He did not die instantly ♪ 125 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,533 ♪ He survived the explosion of his face ♪ 126 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,168 ♪ Imagine a human body ♪ 127 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,237 ♪ With just a weird hole where his face was ♪ 128 00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:06,571 ♪ Flailing around in shock ♪ 129 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,341 We were just starting to move on. 130 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,710 Mommy, you said Daddy died in his sleep, 131 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,245 dreaming of us. 132 00:05:13,247 --> 00:05:15,614 No one wants to hear this part of our back story. 133 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,250 ♪ He tripped and fell out of a plate-glass window ♪ 134 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,986 ♪ Onto a rusty fence post down below ♪ 135 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:24,389 ♪ He impaled his anus on that fence post ♪ 136 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,358 ♪ But he was still alive ♪ 137 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,926 Bobby, don't laugh at that! 138 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:31,029 ♪ He could still scream even though he didn't have a face ♪ 139 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,532 ♪ The sound was absolutely chilling ♪ 140 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,768 ♪ His corpse was never, never, never found ♪ 141 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:38,810 ♪ Some say his screams fill the night ♪ 142 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,341 Aah! 143 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,411 Now do my ex-wife's song. 144 00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:51,183 This is the carpenter ant. 145 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,118 It has made the ultimate sacrifice, 146 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,555 which will inspire billions of ants for centuries to come. 147 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,823 Look. 148 00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,092 This must be the crypt of the pharaoh himself. 149 00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:01,993 Did you know that when they mummified a body, 150 00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,329 they pulled the brains out through the nose first? 151 00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:07,432 They also took out all the major organs and kept them in jars. 152 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,601 Aah! 153 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,003 What about dicks?! 154 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,272 What did they do to the dicks?! 155 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,009 Welcome to Earth! 156 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,911 Now, that's what I call a close encounter. 157 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,080 You've just been deported. 158 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,649 E.T., go home! 159 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,719 Now, stay down, because I'm running out of dope quips! 160 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,321 "How wude"! 161 00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:32,290 Yo, did I just steal Stephanie Tanner's catchphrase 162 00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,992 from "Full House"?! 163 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,994 Man, I wish he'd stopped popping up 164 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,062 after "Welcome to Earth!" 165 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,697 That one was so awesome. 166 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,532 I've got some Earth food for you. 167 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,868 It's called my dick. 168 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,070 Not that I'd ever let you eat my [bleep] 169 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,105 Even if you paid me a trillion doll... 170 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,007 Well, maybe for a trillion dollars... 171 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,243 'cause I could get a dope-ass dick transplant 172 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,845 and still have $999 billion. 173 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,252 Let's do business. 174 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,124 Guys, look what Andy's aunt 175 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,627 got him from Gwyneth Paltrow's website. 176 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,129 Say hi to Pinko! 177 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,230 Hello. 178 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,532 What are you? 179 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,367 I am a Swedish creativity object 180 00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:17,502 designed in conjunction with free-space theory, 181 00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,471 which encourages cognitive freedom. 182 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,373 For instance, your cowboy concept 183 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,041 restricts imaginative thinking, 184 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,710 whereas I am conceptually neutral. 185 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:28,380 Andy chooses what I am, not the manufacturer. 186 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:29,815 I already hate this prick. 187 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:30,882 Hey, stop that! 188 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,317 We're all friends here, Mr. Potato Head. 189 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,353 Pinko, let me be the first to welcome you and shake your hand. 190 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,088 How can I shake your hand? 191 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,857 Uh, with your hand right there. 192 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,792 Who said that's a hand? 193 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,496 Maybe I'm a magical train and that "hand" is a wheel. 194 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,565 Maybe I'm a candy-making machine 195 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,633 or a hotel for tiny clowns. 196 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:52,137 My concept will come from Andy's brain, not yours. 197 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,839 Whoa! No need to get upset, man. 198 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,607 Man? How dare you! 199 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,741 Maybe I'm a woman. 200 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,810 Maybe I'm an asexual space creature. 201 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,212 Andy should decide 202 00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:03,348 and not be forced into your narrow, violent world view. 203 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,349 Violent? 204 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,885 We are not violent toys. 205 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,820 Really? What is that holster used for? 206 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,256 Probably not organic fruit snacks. 207 00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,924 And I bet that laser isn't meant 208 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:15,126 for pointing to things in a classroom setting. 209 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,062 That is a Tyrannosaurus rex, 210 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,798 a.k.a. nature's perfect killer. 211 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,367 And you're the most frightening toy of all. 212 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,402 What, because of my acerbic point of view? 213 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,238 You keep body parts in your trunk. 214 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,239 You know who else did that? 215 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,507 Jeffrey Dahmer. 216 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,308 And didn't you strap a bear to the grille of a truck 217 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,843 to teach him a lesson? 218 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,211 Who are you... the Mafia? 219 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,246 Hey! Shh! 220 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,580 Andy's coming. 221 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:39,117 I can't wait to begin growing creatively with Andy. 222 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,153 "I am Pinko. 223 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,955 You decide what I am." 224 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,725 Okay, you're trash. 225 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,528 Hey, can someone give me a hand? 226 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,696 Who says these are hands? 227 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,167 Death to America! Death to America! 228 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:59,304 Oh! Death to Adobe Reader Updater. 229 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,940 Stop popping up every three days, you needy bitch. 230 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,441 You are American, yes? 231 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,845 And you also hate Adobe Reader Update? 232 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,213 You're goddamn right I do. 233 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,249 Maybe we are not so different after all. 234 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,725 We now return to "The Brave Little Toaster." 235 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,794 Oh. An everything bagel? 236 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,863 Well, I'll certainly do my best. 237 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,365 Hey, I'm Huey Lewis of Huey Lewis and the News. 238 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,168 Everyone remembers my famous songs from "Back to the Future," 239 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,570 but for unknown reasons, 240 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,572 one tune was left on the cutting room floor. 241 00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,341 Here's the never-before-seen music video. 242 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:39,711 ♪ Hey, there, Doc Brown ♪ 243 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:42,647 ♪ I got lost in your time machine ♪ 244 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,983 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 245 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:49,354 ♪ Stuck in the '50s, and my mom's hot and 16 ♪ 246 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:51,790 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 247 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,024 ♪ Under the table ♪ 248 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,426 ♪ She gives my dick a squeeze ♪ 249 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:58,496 ♪ My b-b-barometer is pointing 88 degrees ♪ 250 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:01,433 ♪ Inside my Calvins is a ticking time bomb ♪ 251 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:04,336 ♪ So until that lightning strikes ♪ 252 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:07,772 ♪ I'll be whacking it off to my mom ♪ 253 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,475 ♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪ 254 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,243 Um, I don't think I'm okay with this. 255 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,813 He don't want to be Oedipus Rex. 256 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,216 That's why he's sticking with hand-to-penis sex. 257 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:22,253 ♪ He's whacking it off to my wife ♪ 258 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,556 ♪ He's whacking it off to me ♪ 259 00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,225 ♪ Do the mom-whacking dance ♪ 260 00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:30,428 ♪ D-D-D-D-D-Do the mom-whacking dance ♪ 261 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,197 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! 262 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,433 ♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪ 263 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,802 ♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪ 264 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:38,870 Oh, my God. 265 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,506 I forgot how much this song just... 266 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,642 [bleep] rocks! 267 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:46,311 ♪ Whacking it off to my mom ♪ 268 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,345 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 269 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,680 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 270 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,682 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 271 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:51,850 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 272 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,184 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 273 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,020 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 274 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,021 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 275 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,355 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 276 00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,357 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 277 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,493 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 278 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,929 I'm sorry. This check bounced. 279 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:05,431 What?!