1
00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:44,587
<i>(SHE IS BEAUTIFUL</i>
BY ANDREW W.K. PLAYING)

2
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:57,475
Hey, Stifler, how come
Steve got all the talent
in your family?

3
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,310
Bite me, Fuck Face.

4
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,228
DEREK:
Come on, man,
you're missing it.

5
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,648
I've seen it a million times,
you fucking ass-booger.

6
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,609
ANDY:
Matt, Steve is like
a filmmaking genius.

7
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,569
A true American hero.

8
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,196
The Tarantino of titties.

9
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,656
Yeah, there's just
no way you could
ever be this good.

10
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,325
Hey, look, I'm going to prove
to Steve

11
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,578
that I'm up to
the standards of
the Stiffmeister Productions.

12
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:20,289
After Steve sees
my directing talent,

13
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:23,834
little bro's joining
the family business.
Is that what he said?

14
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:28,089
He finally called you back?
No, but I left him
another message.

15
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:33,010
He'll get back to me.
It's only been three weeks.

16
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:38,432
Gentle-fucks, a toast.
Tomorrow, we begin
our reign as seniors.

17
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,309
(ALL HOOTING)

18
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,814
<i>(LAID</i>
BY MATT NATHANSON PLAYING)

19
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,162
(BAND PLAYING)

20
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,492
(CYMBALS CRASHING)

21
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,831
Okay, people,
let's take a break.

22
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,917
ELYSE:
Remember, we play this
at the end of the ceremony

23
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,544
after <i>Pomp and Circumstance.</i>

24
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,880
I don't want anyone starting
the wrong song again.

25
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,008
Elyse, you need to relax,
girl.
I'm fine.

26
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:57,052
I just... You know,
it's my first time up here,
and...

27
00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:59,847
Yeah, but it's graduation.
It ain't the Boston Pops.

28
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,309
This performance sets the tone
for our senior year.
I mean...

29
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:08,147
Look, you just remember
that everybody here
is pulling for you.

30
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,111
MATT:
Dork. Dork. Dork.

31
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,654
(EXCLAIMS)
Goose.

32
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:18,657
I like them feisty.
What're you doing here,
Stifler?

33
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,036
We just want to say sayonara,
and let you fuck-necks know

34
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,579
we plan on winning
the state title

35
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,456
now that the Stiffmeister's
running the show.

36
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,082
(EXCLAIMING)

37
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:31,212
<i>Adiós,</i> butt-hugger.
He's a bigger asshole
than his brother.

38
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,592
Holy shit, Arianna.

39
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:39,720
Matt, what're you
doing here?

40
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:43,641
Oh, we just want to make sure
the seniors have
a very memorable last day.

41
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:47,144
That's cool. So,
there's a campout tonight

42
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:49,897
and it's only for the grads,
but you could come.

43
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:53,484
Let me check my schedule.
Hell, yeah.

44
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:58,239
Bring your sleeping bag,
in case we decide
to pitch a tent.

45
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,079
Check it out.
Perfect timing.

46
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,997
DEREK:
This is going to be classic.

47
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,085
Time to initiate
Operation Gradu-fuck-uation.

48
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,714
DEREK:
This is gonna be awesome.

49
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,633
Shit.
Oh, yeah! Jackpot!

50
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,677
MATT:
Payback, seniors.

51
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,804
Don't get that pepper spray
on your hands.

52
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:22,972
(SPRAYING)

53
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,101
MATT:
A graduation gift
from the Stiffmeister.

54
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,435
(MOANING)

55
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,646
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

56
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,274
ANDY:
Dude, we should've
sprayed the diplomas.

57
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,611
MATT:
Sorry, bandies.

58
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,113
(LAUGHS)

59
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,704
Bite my nuts
and call me Skippy.
It's a Steely Dan.

60
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,249
ANDY:
A what?
It's a double-headed dildo.

61
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,710
It's a dildo. It's a dildo.

62
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,212
Holy shit.
It's even got a name.

63
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,630
Picardo.

64
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,090
Picardo?

65
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:01,385
Spray that shit.
Fuck, no. Finders keepers.

66
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,721
ELYSE:
Okay, everybody,
<i>Pomp and Circumstance.</i>

67
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,097
Five-minute warning. Let's go.

68
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,516
ANDY:
The bandies.
Let's get out of here.

69
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,310
(GRUNTING)

70
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:10,477
(GROANING)

71
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,689
ELYSE:
Matt?
Leesy.

72
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,985
How they hanging?
Still small and perky, I see.

73
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,611
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
That's funny.

74
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:20,988
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)
Yeah.

75
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,617
What're you doing here, Matt?
I just came by
to wish you good luck.

76
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:28,245
You know,
on the whole music thing.
Good luck?

77
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,956
You haven't said a word to me
since the eighth grade.

78
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,293
Yeah, and that tone of voice
is exactly the reason why.

79
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,712
So, I'm going to
take off now.

80
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,549
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

81
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:44,928
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
please rise to honor
our graduates.</i>

82
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,680
Douchebag's gonna miss it.

83
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,891
(BAND PLAYING)

84
00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:59,443
(PLAYING OFF-KEY)

85
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,861
Oh, yes.

86
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,574
Are they crying?

87
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,037
Holy shit!

88
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,414
(EXCLAIMING)

89
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,876
(PLAYING OFF-KEY)

90
00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:18,253
Yes!

91
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,135
(BOTH LAUGHING)

92
00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,020
(COUGHING)

93
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,235
ANDY:
Eat shit, seniors.

94
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,407
(THUDDING)

95
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,743
(ALL GASPING)

96
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,290
(MOANING)

97
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,042
Yeah. Oh!

98
00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,669
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

99
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:05,134
Stifler!

100
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,302
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

101
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:11,432
SHERMAN:
I've been waiting for this
moment for a very long time.

102
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,477
And now,
the day of reckoning has come.

103
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,065
Hello, Matthew.

104
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,026
Your brother must be
very proud.

105
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,157
You've continued his legacy.

106
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,659
Tormenting the innocent,

107
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,830
defiling all that is good
and pure.

108
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,003
But now, you're going down.

109
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,923
Ooh. What're you going to do,
expel me, Shermanator?

110
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,595
I am a sophisticated
counseling machine

111
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:53,474
sent back in time
to guide young
and innocent minds.

112
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:58,770
My primary directive
is to protect the students
of this institution

113
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,649
and all, indeed all mankind

114
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,320
from the menace
that is another Stifler.

115
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:09,114
Behavior modification
is required.

116
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:12,284
It's not too late
to change your future.

117
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,536
(SCOFFS)

118
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:18,999
No, expulsion
would be too easy.

119
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,543
Hmm.

120
00:08:22,211 --> 00:08:25,464
I know the perfect punishment
to fit your crime.

121
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,719
Since you have so much trouble
with the band,

122
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,972
perhaps you should
make friends with them.

123
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,724
(RASPING)
No fucking way.

124
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:42,189
Either you learn
to be more considerate
or you will be expelled.

125
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,525
No football.

126
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,693
No parties.

127
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,612
No spring break.

128
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,949
No graduation.

129
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,909
No college.

130
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,702
No coeds.

131
00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:57,996
<i>Comprende?</i>

132
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,586
Pack your bags, Stifler.

133
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:08,090
You're going to Band Camp.
Band Camp!

134
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,426
<i>(THE ANTHEM</i>
BY GOOD CHARLOTTE PLAYING)

135
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,224
Bullshit, trash.

136
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,397
All right, Steve!
<i>Valley Girls Gone Wild.</i>

137
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:24,856
(LAUGHING)

138
00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:26,191
Fuck.

139
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,336
MATT:
I told you
Steve would get back to me.

140
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,754
I mean,
it was just a postcard,

141
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,965
but it gave me a great idea.

142
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,133
Look...

143
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,385
Steve's shit-head friend,
Jim,

144
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,887
he married this freaking
nympho band-geek, Michelle.

145
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,890
And he said all they do
at Band Camp is screw 24/7.

146
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:03,186
Matt, buddy,
you cannot screw band chicks.
There are standards.

147
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,649
I'm not talking
about screwing them,
scrotum-breath.

148
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,402
I'm talking about
videotaping them.

149
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:14,239
People love to see dorks
doing that freaky shit
on hidden video.

150
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:18,160
<i>Bandeez Gone Wild?</i>
Steve's gonna have
some competition now

151
00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,912
because little bro's
joining the family business.

152
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,331
(BEEPS)

153
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,961
Yeah, Spy Chest.

154
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,464
Secret Video.

155
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,216
Hell, yeah.

156
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,763
Color night vision?
I'll take it. Shit.

157
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,190
How about tomorrow?
This is going be great.

158
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,712
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

159
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,422
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

160
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,312
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

161
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,651
NELSON:
<i>Welcome to Tall Oaks 2005.</i>

162
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:33,819
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

163
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,780
<i>Let's hear it
from Lloyd Memorial High.</i>

164
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,198
ALL:
L-L-O-Y-D!

165
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,034
L-L-O-Y-D!

166
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,663
<i>Mount St. Marie.</i>
ALL:
Mount St. Marie!

167
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,331
Mount St. Marie!

168
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,041
<i>East Great Falls High.</i>

169
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,669
ALL:
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

170
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,754
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

171
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:56,133
<i>And five-time defending
Tall Oaks Cup Champion...</i>

172
00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,676
<i>Beechwood Academy.</i>

173
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,011
(CROWD BOOING)
We're number one!
We're number one!

174
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,179
We're number one!

175
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:02,514
NELSON:
<i>Okay, settle down.</i>

176
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,600
<i>Now, as you know,
each year</i>

177
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,687
<i>one senior Tall Oaks composer
is awarded</i>

178
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:13,275
<i>a full scholarship
to the prestigious
Robards Conservatory.</i>

179
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,527
OSCAR:
Elyse, this is your year
to win.

180
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,864
<i>This year, Dr. Susan Choi,
president of Robards,</i>

181
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,867
<i>will judge the compositions
herself.</i>

182
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:26,455
<i>And let's not forget
to welcome the Tall Oaks
Camp Counselors.</i>

183
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,957
(CHEERING)

184
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,792
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

185
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:37,841
<i>If you visit our infirmary,
Nurse Sanders will take care
of your every need.</i>

186
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,301
(CROWD BOOING)

187
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:45,265
<i>Okay, so let's work hard,
and may the best band win.</i>

188
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,601
(ALL CHEERING)

189
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,316
You guys ready?

190
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,037
(GIRLS CHATTERING)

191
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,669
What the fuck?

192
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,506
Are you a rookie?
You look lost.

193
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,926
Are you an asshole?
You're hairy,
and you smell like shit.

194
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,427
I'll, uh...

195
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:26,389
I'll ignore
that kind of talk once.

196
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,392
We don't speak that way here.

197
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:34,272
Rookies are to wear
their beanies at all times.
Those are the rules.

198
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,817
And who made you
the mayor of Geek Town?

199
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:42,072
I'm Brandon Vandecamp,
senior drum major of
Beechwood Academy

200
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,907
and the president
of the Tall Oaks Council.

201
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:48,036
Oh, and who are they,
Mr. President?
The First Lady and Vice Pussy?

202
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,544
Suits you well.

203
00:13:55,669 --> 00:14:00,423
Golly, jeepers, thanks.
Hey, you know, since I'm an
official band geek and all,

204
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,342
can you guess what
my favorite piece of music is?

205
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,387
I have no idea.
<i>The Nutcracker.</i>

206
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:06,680
(GROANING)

207
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,600
MATT:
Step back, bitch.
Holy mother of Mozart.

208
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:11,726
(GRUNTING)

209
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,145
This is bad.

210
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,898
You didn't know Jackie Chan
was in the house,
did you boys, huh?

211
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,984
NELSON:
Stop that. Stop that now.

212
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,403
MATT:
Those knob-slobbers
started it.

213
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:24,114
That's not true, sir.
We simply reminded him
to wear his beanie.

214
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,616
And then he viciously
assaulted Brandon's genitals.

215
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:31,246
That's a lie, you dick-snot.
Oscar, Jimmy,
escort this man to see

216
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,915
the Macro.
The what?

217
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,459
You're dead.
Now, gentlemen.

218
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,546
(GROANING)
RIGGLER:
God, Brandon, are you okay?

219
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,966
You want to tell me
what the hell
you're doing here, Stifler?

220
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,635
It don't matter, Big O.
He ain't gonna be here long.

221
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:46,970
Bitch!
OSCAR:
Get over here.

222
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,139
Macro gonna
fuck your ass up, fool.

223
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,808
What the fuck's a macro?
The Macro.

224
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,060
Morale And Conflict
Resolution Officer.

225
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,563
I heard this one time,
this kid went
into that office

226
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,398
a baritone
and came out a soprano.

227
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,818
Clarinet up the ass
backwards, yo.
What?

228
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,403
(MAN SHOUTING)

229
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,493
Pussies.

230
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,787
(MAN CONTINUES SHOUTING)

231
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,378
(MAN SCREAMING)

232
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,214
(DOOR BANGING SHUT)

233
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:25,675
Oh, I'm sorry.

234
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,638
<i>Frankenstein</i>. Scary stuff.

235
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,097
(LAUGHS)

236
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,642
I am just a Boris Karloff nut.

237
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:38,229
I'm the Macro, Mr. Levenstein.
Holy shit, you're Jim's dad.

238
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,483
He screwed that redheaded
nympho chick at my lake house.

239
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:45,612
Oh, my, you're not a Stifler?
Yeah, I'm Steve's brother,
Matt.

240
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,116
There are two Stiflers?
Yes, sir.
Hey, what're you doing here?

241
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:54,496
Oh, well, Jim is now
out of the house,
married to Michelle,

242
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,791
that redheaded nympho chick
that you spoke of.

243
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,003
And, being a former
Tall Oaks Counselor
of the Year,

244
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:07,133
she was hired to be
the Macro this summer,
but she got pregnant.

245
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:11,054
No doubt due to the tendencies
you alluded to earlier.

246
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,182
And I have a great rapport
with young people...

247
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,226
(DOOR OPENING)
...so I just stepped in
and volunteered.

248
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:20,397
That cretin is not
in our band, and we are not
responsible for his actions.

249
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,983
Who pissed in your piccolo?
I'm sensing
some hostility here.

250
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,567
He poisoned my band.
What?

251
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,487
I'm the Macro and it's my job
to deal with...
What is he doing here?

252
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:31,116
Matt Stifler is pure evil
just like his brother.
...conflict.

253
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,826
Thanks, Leesy.

254
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,370
(EXCLAIMING)

255
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,999
She seems nice.
(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)

256
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,334
There are rules,
of course.

257
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,211
You will
have to wear a beanie.
Yeah.

258
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,631
Oh, I know.
It's a little silly,
but it's tradition here,

259
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:50,343
something you're familiar
with, being on the
football team, I'm sure,

260
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:53,972
with your elephant walks
and circle jerks
and drinking butt beer.

261
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:56,391
But here,
you just have to wear
a silly little hat and

262
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,561
a somewhat stylish
Tall Oaks T-shirt.
Yeah.

263
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,688
So, just go
with the flow, Matt,

264
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,107
and you will have
loads of fun

265
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,652
and you'll be making
new friends in no time.

266
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:14,576
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

267
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:17,537
Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz,
tenor sax.

268
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,541
Cool! I'm a rookie here, too.

269
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,670
I really wanted to come
last year, but Computer Camp
conflicted, and...

270
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:29,966
Oh, yeah, that was here
when I arrived. I think
it has your name on it.

271
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,344
What is it?

272
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,017
Hi, welcome
to <i>Casa de Stifler.</i>
I'll be your host, Matt.

273
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,604
Every day here, I'll make it
my sincere goal not to have
to kick your ass.

274
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,065
Allow me to show you
to your new accommodations.

275
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,608
(EXCLAIMS)

276
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,027
When I'm out here,
you're in there.

277
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,572
Have a great day, fucko.

278
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,157
I don't...

279
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,787
ERNIE:
Okay...

280
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,622
I'll just go ahead
and put this stuff
away for you.

281
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,874
All right.
Bandy-vision.

282
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:08,797
(LISPING)
This is a 1978
Ohio State show...

283
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,465
<i>The Wizard Of Oz.</i>

284
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:14,302
The one
where the sousaphone player
forgot to dot the I? Oh, hey.

285
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:19,057
Yeah, right. Freaks.

286
00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:23,228
Never fear,
the Stiffmeister's here.

287
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,356
Band Camp just got
a whole lot better, ladies.

288
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,192
You're Steve Stifler's
younger brother, aren't you?

289
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,152
Young and hung.
Great.

290
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,321
Could you send him
a message for me?

291
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:34,572
No problem, <i>señorita.</i>

292
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:35,657
(CHUCKLES)

293
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,741
(EXCLAIMS)

294
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,868
(GIGGLING)

295
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:45,625
Well, it looks like Steve
gave someone the old Stifler
bang-and-boot.

296
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:46,751
(CHUCKLES)

297
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,713
Is there a problem here?
No, everything's fine.

298
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,802
Have fun at Band Camp.
Thank you, I will.

299
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,642
Later.
Word.

300
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,562
You need to start
showing some respect
around here, Stifler.

301
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,439
You need to show yourself
back to your table, Big Dog.

302
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,608
Out of my way, yo.

303
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:16,573
<i>Hola, chicas.</i>
Elyse, so good
to see you again.

304
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,826
So, what's going on tonight?
We gonna party,
get a little crazy?

305
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:22,495
Who wants to rack up
a few frequent fucker miles?

306
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,665
You know, you are the most...
Most sexy man ever
to come to Band Camp.

307
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:29,794
What? Chloe,
he is so obnoxious.
Sexy obnoxious.

308
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,964
Thank you.
I'm tired of messing around
with these

309
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:34,966
dorky-ass nice guys

310
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,218
and "sensitive-artist" types.

311
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:42,473
Let's party
with a real <i>hombre</i> tonight.
Hell, yeah. That's me.

312
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:46,978
100% <i>hombre.</i>
CHLOE:
All right, my room, 8:00.

313
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:51,900
<i>Great first day, campers.
This is your Macro speaking</i>

314
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:55,153
<i>and, hey, morale couldn't have
been higher today.</i>

315
00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:58,740
<i>So hop in the sack,
and get a good night's sleep
because</i>

316
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,285
<i>starting tomorrow, we have
many, many exciting activities
planned,</i>

317
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:05,872
<i>not the least of which
is the race
for the Tall Oaks Cup.</i>

318
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,208
<i>So let the games begin.</i>

319
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:12,212
MATT:
<i>Bandeez Gone Wild.</i>
Scene One. Party <i>hombre.</i>

320
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,546
(BEEPS)

321
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,467
<i>(GET THE PARTY STARTED</i>
PLAYING)

322
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:21,888
It's called Strip Trivia.
We made it up.
It's a Band Camp tradition.

323
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:26,517
"Fourth and Long,"
"Sextuplets," "Banging Babes,"
and "Who Blew Me?"

324
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,771
This looks like my kind
of game. Shall we play?

325
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,775
You sit in the middle.
Your game, my seating chart.

326
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,485
Sit a little closer, ladies.

327
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,612
MATT:
<i>Don't be scared.
It's all right.</i>

328
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,239
<i>Okay...</i>

329
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,408
<i>The rules are simple.
You choose a category
and a question</i>

330
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:44,953
and every time you miss,
you strip.

331
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,246
Hell, yeah.

332
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,831
I'll go first. "Who Blew Me?"

333
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,667
ELYSE:
Good.

334
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:57,632
I am a silver
Stradivarius trumpet played
by a Pulitzer Prize winner.

335
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:00,051
Who blew me?

336
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:01,761
Yeah, like I'd know.

337
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,472
Sorry. Lose the shoes,
and pick again.

338
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,266
You didn't tell me
this shit was about music.

339
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:10,061
Well, it is Band Camp, moron.
Hey, to be fair,

340
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:13,523
maybe we should just
give him a head start.

341
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:18,778
All right. Yeah.

342
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:22,031
MATT: (STUTTERING)
<i>Okay, all right. All right.</i>

343
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:26,244
What's wrong with you?
Scared to show off
the mosquito bites?

344
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:29,080
I've matured
since the fourth grade, Matt.
Have you?

345
00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:32,208
Oh, I've got 10 pounds
of dangling maturity
right here, Leesy.

346
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:35,295
Quit calling me that.
Okay, okay, moving on.

347
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,964
Matt, just pick
another question, please.

348
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,300
All right, screw it. Whatever.

349
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:43,052
There you go. Suck on that.

350
00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:44,470
(EXCLAIMS)

351
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:46,139
Fourth and Long.

352
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:47,640
Sure, no problem.

353
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:55,148
Of Beethoven's
major symphonies, which has
the longest fourth movement?

354
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,192
All right,
I see where this is going.

355
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,112
Fine, you win.

356
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,281
(GRUNTING)

357
00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,492
I free ball, ladies.

358
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,537
(EXCLAIMING)
Got to let
the big boys breathe.

359
00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:11,789
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
All right,
we play by my rules now.

360
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:15,001
Football questions only.
Prepare to strip, ladies.

361
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:18,921
<i>Wait. But first,
does anybody want a beer?</i>

362
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,131
<i>I do.</i>

363
00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:24,635
The counselors have
a secret stash in the fridge
across the hall.

364
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:25,845
Would you mind?

365
00:22:25,928 --> 00:22:28,931
Now we're talking about
a fucking party.

366
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:30,808
Stiffy'll be back in a jiffy.

367
00:22:30,933 --> 00:22:32,435
Uh, uh, uh, uh.

368
00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,355
I mean,
there's nobody around

369
00:22:35,688 --> 00:22:37,357
and we haven't seen
your best side yet.

370
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,108
(GIRLS LAUGHING)

371
00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:46,866
Yes! We got him.

372
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,912
So busted.

373
00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,963
Man, big boys, wake up.

374
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,341
Just gotta turn down the AC
in there, huh?

375
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:04,759
Good night, girls.

376
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,140
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

377
00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:14,602
Sorry, asshole, game's over.

378
00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:19,357
Yeah, the big boys
will love the long walk home.

379
00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:22,026
SANDERS:
Room check, girls.
(GASPING)

380
00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:24,487
Oh, shit.

381
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:27,115
Ditch his clothes.
Out the window.

382
00:23:28,199 --> 00:23:30,660
All right,
who wants a long neck?

383
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:38,626
ELYSE:
Nurse Sanders.

384
00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:43,923
They set me up.
He attacked us

385
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:45,925
with pepper spray
and ruined our graduation.

386
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:47,260
I went there
for a friendly game...

387
00:23:47,343 --> 00:23:48,928
Hold it. Hold it. Kids.

388
00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,304
Okay...

389
00:23:50,555 --> 00:23:52,306
Where are your clothes?

390
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:56,686
I have them.

391
00:23:57,270 --> 00:23:59,439
May I ask why?
Well, they got me naked...

392
00:23:59,522 --> 00:24:02,442
Oh, whatever. He took
his own pants off...
And they stole my clothes.

393
00:24:02,525 --> 00:24:04,986
And I got stuck up there
with Mrs. Doubtfire
checking out my...

394
00:24:05,069 --> 00:24:07,196
(BULLHORN BLARING)

395
00:24:11,826 --> 00:24:13,536
Let me see
if I have this straight.

396
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:18,583
Elyse, you think Matt
is an arrogant jock who wears
his penis on his forehead

397
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,794
just to gain the approval
of his sociopathic brother.

398
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:25,798
And, Matt, you think Elyse
is an uptight, geeky prude

399
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,634
who needs to loosen up
and get laid.

400
00:24:28,801 --> 00:24:32,013
Excuse the expression, dear.
Is that close
to being on the money?

401
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,266
Look, kids...

402
00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:38,978
The only way
to solve your differences

403
00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:41,230
is by working together.

404
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:44,192
So why don't you start
tomorrow

405
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:47,695
by putting one foot
in front of the other?

406
00:24:49,614 --> 00:24:51,324
(BAND PLAYING)

407
00:24:51,491 --> 00:24:53,284
ELYSE:
Left flank hut.

408
00:24:55,495 --> 00:24:56,996
Turn and hut.

409
00:25:02,502 --> 00:25:03,628
(CYMBALS CRASHING)

410
00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:04,795
(BOY GRUNTING)

411
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:05,963
What the fuck!

412
00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:07,256
(WHISTLES)

413
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,383
Band 10 hut!

414
00:25:09,634 --> 00:25:10,843
MATT:
Holy shit.

415
00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:14,764
When I yell "band 10 hut,"
you snap firmly at attention.

416
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:16,641
You want to see me
firmly at attention?

417
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:18,476
I already have.
I wasn't impressed.

418
00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:19,936
(EXCLAIMING)

419
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:21,687
(LAUGHING)

420
00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:22,855
Look...

421
00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:25,691
We've never beaten Beechwood,
okay?

422
00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:28,528
For some of us,
it's our last shot.

423
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,990
Just stop screwing up, okay?

424
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:34,659
GIRL:
Yeah, asshole.

425
00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:39,247
Okay, people,
back to work, let's go.
Whatever.

426
00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:40,373
I don't need this shit.

427
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:43,084
Reset the block.
Front ranks, right here.

428
00:25:57,473 --> 00:25:59,183
(MIMICKING WOMAN)
Housekeeping.

429
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:20,663
(BEEPING)

430
00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,588
Oscar, brought me
something to drink?

431
00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:30,464
Come on.
Good looking out, baby.

432
00:26:30,590 --> 00:26:32,049
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

433
00:26:34,510 --> 00:26:36,262
Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz.

434
00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:39,473
So you finally came out
of the closet. Good for you.

435
00:26:39,557 --> 00:26:40,558
(LAUGHING)

436
00:26:40,683 --> 00:26:43,227
Look, I want to know
what goes on at night,
all right?

437
00:26:43,311 --> 00:26:45,938
All the crazy shit.
Naked pillow fights, whatever.

438
00:26:46,022 --> 00:26:49,525
Do I look like the guy
that's in charge of
the naked pillow fights, huh?

439
00:26:49,692 --> 00:26:51,152
It's my first time here.

440
00:26:51,235 --> 00:26:52,445
Notice the beanie?

441
00:26:52,695 --> 00:26:53,779
BRANDON:
Yes.

442
00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:56,198
Yes, I do.

443
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:59,619
Yes, speaking of beanies,
where's yours, Stifler?

444
00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:01,829
You still not following
the rules, huh?

445
00:27:01,912 --> 00:27:03,914
Let's see.
Look. He's getting
in trouble again.

446
00:27:03,998 --> 00:27:07,418
No standard-issue
Tall Oaks T-shirt
and no beanie.

447
00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:10,838
I believe that's two points
from Great Falls, Mr. Nelson.

448
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:13,007
Tell you what,
Vande-cramp,

449
00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:16,093
what if I took
his beanie

450
00:27:16,177 --> 00:27:18,929
and put it on my weenie?

451
00:27:19,013 --> 00:27:23,142
How do you like that
Vande-cramp?
It's on my head, right? Huh?

452
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,519
Make it five points
from Great Falls.

453
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:26,979
Five points.

454
00:27:27,063 --> 00:27:30,232
Man, this place sucks
donkey ass.

455
00:27:32,234 --> 00:27:33,527
(SNIFFS) Ugh...

456
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,073
Put your beanie on, son.

457
00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:44,747
Five points.

458
00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:52,546
(OWL HOOTING)

459
00:28:08,312 --> 00:28:10,606
OSCAR:
Stay still. Stop moving.

460
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:12,441
He ain't going nowhere now.

461
00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:15,861
This isn't your world.
This is our world,
and we don't want you in it.

462
00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:18,197
You already cost us
five points in the standings.

463
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,032
We can't have that.

464
00:28:20,324 --> 00:28:22,034
Set the man up
with his beanie.

465
00:28:23,994 --> 00:28:25,538
(MATT MUMBLING)

466
00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:31,502
Now you're representing, fool.

467
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,045
And this toothpaste

468
00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:35,881
this will make up
for the pepper spray, asshole.

469
00:28:36,757 --> 00:28:37,758
(MOANING)

470
00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:51,021
Oh, shit.

471
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,650
I'll get the paint thinner
from maintenance.

472
00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:57,236
SANDERS:
Animals.

473
00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,446
(DOOR CLOSING)

474
00:29:07,747 --> 00:29:11,917
Matt, you were sent here

475
00:29:12,293 --> 00:29:13,753
to make a change.

476
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:17,673
And, so far, you've only had
your sinuses sanitized. So...

477
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:20,468
I think it's time
to try a new approach.

478
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:22,887
Make some friends.

479
00:29:24,472 --> 00:29:26,307
Earn their trust.

480
00:29:28,601 --> 00:29:30,853
Why would I want
to earn their trust?

481
00:29:31,562 --> 00:29:33,063
(BLOWING)

482
00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:36,108
(SNORTING)
Good.

483
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:41,155
MATT:
That's what I'm talking about.

484
00:29:42,865 --> 00:29:44,825
Welcome to Stifler-vision.

485
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:47,411
GIRL 1:
<i>I think there's a cymbal class
at 1:00.</i>

486
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,746
(ROBOT WHIRRING)
GIRL 2:
<i>I hate that.</i>

487
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:51,040
<i>Yeah, but it's better than
the bass drum relay.</i>

488
00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:52,374
<i>Yeah, that's true.</i>

489
00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:00,716
MATT:
Counselors going wild.

490
00:30:03,052 --> 00:30:05,221
<i>Yours look totally fantastic.</i>

491
00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:08,390
<i>Two for
the price of one.</i>
My left one's bigger, see?

492
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:12,061
<i>Yeah, mine, too, baby.</i>
They can totally
fix that.

493
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:14,271
<i>That shampoo smells
awesome.</i>

494
00:30:14,355 --> 00:30:17,691
<i>Thanks. I get it from
this Russian lady
who does my bikini wax.</i>

495
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:19,068
<i>Brazilian or</i> Playboy?

496
00:30:19,151 --> 00:30:21,403
<i>Actually, I get mine
customized.</i>

497
00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:23,739
<i>Wanna see?</i>
MATT:
Oh, yeah, show me.

498
00:30:24,782 --> 00:30:27,660
<i>Oh, my God, how cute.
There's a little music note.</i>

499
00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:29,411
No!
<i>Yeah, I used to be flat.</i>

500
00:30:29,495 --> 00:30:32,414
<i>Just like
I used to be.</i>
Lens fog. No!

501
00:30:32,498 --> 00:30:33,874
(WHIRRING)

502
00:30:43,676 --> 00:30:45,427
What is that thing,
butt weasel?

503
00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:47,555
ERNIE:
Yeah, it's the KR3, baby.

504
00:30:47,638 --> 00:30:51,267
The Kaplowitz Remote
Robotic Rover.
And you are so busted.

505
00:30:51,350 --> 00:30:54,937
Hey, Oscar, somebody call
the Macro.
Dude, please, shut up.

506
00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:58,816
Pull your panties
out of your ass. I can help
you with that chick.

507
00:31:02,695 --> 00:31:03,737
What chick?

508
00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:06,323
Dude, the one
with all the tattoos.
The Tubanator.

509
00:31:06,407 --> 00:31:07,867
Her name is Chloe.

510
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,871
Come on, man. I can help.
I'm the Stiffmeister.

511
00:31:11,954 --> 00:31:14,748
Master of love
and romance.
Bullshit.

512
00:31:14,915 --> 00:31:19,378
I nailed three cheerleaders
in one week on spring break.
College cheerleaders.

513
00:31:21,463 --> 00:31:23,549
(INAUDIBLE)

514
00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:26,218
(ROBOT BEEPING)

515
00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:32,433
And I know why
your camera spritzed out.

516
00:31:33,684 --> 00:31:34,935
(WHIRRING)

517
00:31:35,144 --> 00:31:37,104
Dude, this thing
is awesome.

518
00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:40,774
You ever use this
to look up chicks' skirts?
No.

519
00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:43,235
But I did use it to win
the State Science Fair
last year.

520
00:31:43,319 --> 00:31:45,613
And I'm hoping it gets me
into MIT next fall.

521
00:31:45,696 --> 00:31:47,740
I really want
to work for NASA.

522
00:31:47,948 --> 00:31:50,451
National Anal Sex Association?

523
00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,411
No, it's Space...

524
00:31:53,203 --> 00:31:55,331
There's an
Anal Sex Association?

525
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:57,917
Oh, yeah, but you've
got to be a pro.

526
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,001
(CHUCKLES)

527
00:31:59,460 --> 00:32:01,629
Wait, there's
a Space Association?

528
00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:05,215
You were supposed
to use this.

529
00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:10,512
See, it's got
an anti-fog lens. Duh.
Yeah, good.

530
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:16,435
Can the robot record?
All right, so, what are
your intentions?

531
00:32:17,895 --> 00:32:20,397
With the video, I mean.
What are you doing?

532
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,066
Oh, it's just for fun.

533
00:32:22,358 --> 00:32:25,778
I mean, who doesn't like
to look at hot naked chicks,
right?

534
00:32:27,237 --> 00:32:29,281
Keep it between us,
and I'll let you watch.

535
00:32:29,907 --> 00:32:32,952
Plus, I'll have you
giving Chloe the pelvic noogie
inside a week.

536
00:32:33,202 --> 00:32:34,203
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

537
00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:36,789
BOY:
Hey, Stifler. Phone.

538
00:32:37,206 --> 00:32:39,249
ANDY:
<i>We're in Detroit!</i>

539
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:42,336
Locked into
sweet Brazilian rum.

540
00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:45,172
I'm fucking fubar, man!

541
00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:49,593
I sent you rum today.
Could come in handy
in Dorksville.

542
00:32:49,718 --> 00:32:51,387
Man, this place blows.

543
00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,181
Hey, my roommate,
Dr. Robot,

544
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:56,517
<i>busted me taping
some college chicks
in the shower.</i>

545
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,727
So now I have to be
all nice to him and shit.

546
00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:02,272
And I'm not getting
any good footage 'cause these
fucking bandies hate me.

547
00:33:02,523 --> 00:33:03,732
(MUSIC PLAYING)

548
00:33:03,983 --> 00:33:06,193
Think of it like trying
to hook up with a virgin.

549
00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:09,863
<i>Act like you give a shit
about them until they
bring you into the good stuff.</i>

550
00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:11,824
Earn their trust?

551
00:33:12,449 --> 00:33:14,410
Dude, that could work.

552
00:33:14,535 --> 00:33:16,870
I'll be an undercover
bandy fucker.

553
00:33:17,997 --> 00:33:21,500
Hello, everyone.
Isn't it a peachy day
here at Band Camp?

554
00:33:21,709 --> 00:33:25,587
Band buds.
How's it going? Yo.

555
00:33:26,338 --> 00:33:30,300
Hey, I just want to say thanks
for the little wakeup call.
You kidders.

556
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:34,596
Hey, I can finally hear
the music calling me, okay?

557
00:33:35,264 --> 00:33:38,559
(BAND PLAYING)
There. Hear it?
Yeah. Me, too.

558
00:33:38,851 --> 00:33:40,561
So I'm a totally
new man, and...

559
00:33:40,644 --> 00:33:43,480
By the way, you both
look great in pantyhose.

560
00:33:44,732 --> 00:33:46,025
(MATT LAUGHING)

561
00:33:53,907 --> 00:33:57,202
What are you doing?
Awaiting my marching lesson,
ma'am.

562
00:33:57,286 --> 00:33:59,747
Look, Matt, I really don't
have time for this right now.

563
00:33:59,830 --> 00:34:03,417
No, look, I figure I'm here,
I might as well make
the best of it.

564
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:06,920
Matt, marching's hard, okay?
It's not like
throwing some football.

565
00:34:07,004 --> 00:34:08,714
Oh, you ever thrown
into double coverage?

566
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:10,507
You ever high-stepped
in double time?

567
00:34:10,591 --> 00:34:13,844
Yes, ma'am, the time
the cops chased us
across Koreno's Creek.

568
00:34:14,928 --> 00:34:17,806
And you got so scared,
you cried.

569
00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:22,686
I had allergies.
It was winter, Mattie.

570
00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:27,107
Well, if you don't teach me
to march, I might just
cry again.

571
00:34:30,527 --> 00:34:31,695
Fine.

572
00:34:31,987 --> 00:34:36,033
Left foot on one and three,
right foot on two and four.

573
00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:37,659
You have to do math?

574
00:34:38,535 --> 00:34:40,204
(PLAYING)

575
00:34:46,210 --> 00:34:50,130
One, two, three, middle.
One, two, three, line.

576
00:34:50,214 --> 00:34:52,466
Right foot on four.

577
00:34:54,718 --> 00:34:57,221
Keep your
step size even.
My what?

578
00:34:58,806 --> 00:35:02,267
<i>All right, there we go,
little buddy. I'm gonna
fix you up good.</i>

579
00:35:02,726 --> 00:35:03,727
(ROBOT WHIRRS)

580
00:35:03,894 --> 00:35:07,022
<i>Any girl that knows
how to play a tuba,
she can do things.</i>

581
00:35:07,106 --> 00:35:08,690
<i>That's what Stifler says.</i>

582
00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:11,401
<i>I don't know what it means,
but it's got to be good.</i>

583
00:35:11,485 --> 00:35:12,736
<i>You're good to go.</i>

584
00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:14,404
Let's go find Chloe.

585
00:35:14,905 --> 00:35:17,574
<i>(DEFEATED</i>
BY THE CITY DRIVE PLAYING)

586
00:35:27,167 --> 00:35:28,418
Holy shit.

587
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:32,923
What the hell?
Who's doing this?

588
00:35:35,551 --> 00:35:36,635
Take it.

589
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:37,803
<i>It's okay.</i>

590
00:35:47,229 --> 00:35:50,858
<i>Thanks, little
creepy machine.</i>
You're welcome...

591
00:35:51,275 --> 00:35:52,985
<i>Beautiful lady.</i>

592
00:36:08,417 --> 00:36:12,713
With my right, with my right,
but I can also do it
with my left, with my left.

593
00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:17,301
ALL:
Bootie.

594
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:18,468
(GIRLS APPLAUDING)

595
00:36:18,552 --> 00:36:19,678
Good game.

596
00:36:20,304 --> 00:36:22,389
Good game. Good game.
Good game. Good game.
Good game.

597
00:36:22,472 --> 00:36:23,640
(WHOOPS)

598
00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:27,895
You just touched my bootie.

599
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:37,362
What's that?
Your instrument.

600
00:36:37,821 --> 00:36:39,615
That's fucking gay.

601
00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,659
I mean lame.
Good.

602
00:36:43,368 --> 00:36:46,205
Now, there are
two positions.

603
00:36:46,872 --> 00:36:51,043
Carrying position, like this,
and playing position,
like this.

604
00:36:51,210 --> 00:36:52,878
Now when I call,
"horns up,"

605
00:36:53,003 --> 00:36:55,088
you're gonna move
your instrument out,
and then...

606
00:36:55,172 --> 00:36:56,840
(MATT GROANING)
Hello, losers.

607
00:36:57,007 --> 00:37:00,802
Matt. Oh, my God.
Matt, I am so sorry.

608
00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:03,180
I think I bit a hole
in my tongue.
Oh, let me see.

609
00:37:03,263 --> 00:37:05,766
No, no hole.
On today's episode,

610
00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:08,393
wasting time
on lost causes.

611
00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:09,478
(MUMBLING)

612
00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,521
Speaking of which,
I understand

613
00:37:11,605 --> 00:37:14,066
you composed the music
to your show, Elyse,

614
00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:15,776
if you call that music.

615
00:37:15,901 --> 00:37:18,320
Yeah. That's right.
I did.

616
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:20,614
And who'd your daddy hire
to compose yours?

617
00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:25,661
I'm just giving you
fair warning, cupcake.
Robards Scholarship is mine.

618
00:37:26,161 --> 00:37:27,579
Like you need it.

619
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:30,916
It's not a matter of need.
It's a matter of want.

620
00:37:31,166 --> 00:37:32,668
Yeah, I get what I want.

621
00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:34,586
(LISPING)
Why don't you
shut the fuck up?

622
00:37:34,670 --> 00:37:35,796
Matt, don't.

623
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:36,880
(EXCLAIMING)

624
00:37:36,964 --> 00:37:39,716
What are you
going to do?
Kick your ass.

625
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:41,718
Are you challenging me?
No.

626
00:37:41,802 --> 00:37:45,180
Yeah, what if I am?
No, Brandon, that is not
what he's doing.

627
00:37:45,264 --> 00:37:48,100
I accept.
Amphitheatre, 5:00.

628
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:51,353
It's been three years
since I've been challenged.

629
00:37:51,603 --> 00:37:53,480
We got a challenge.

630
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:54,773
(ALL CHEERING)

631
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:58,610
I look forward
to reminding people why.

632
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:00,946
East Great Falls.
Hoo, ha!

633
00:38:01,196 --> 00:38:03,407
I'll see you there, asshole.

634
00:38:05,284 --> 00:38:06,493
Do you know
what you just did?

635
00:38:06,576 --> 00:38:08,912
Doesn't matter.
Fucker's going down.

636
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:11,665
Matt, you challenged him
to a duel.

637
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,166
With swords?

638
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:17,629
No, you idiot.
You each get on stage
and perform.

639
00:38:17,713 --> 00:38:19,756
And the crowd decides
who wins.

640
00:38:20,257 --> 00:38:22,175
Can't we just do
keg stands?

641
00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:27,180
Matt, this is serious, okay?
Beechwood gets five points
if he wins,

642
00:38:27,264 --> 00:38:30,559
which, you know, he will
because he plays
an instrument.

643
00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:32,561
Well, so do I.

644
00:38:33,103 --> 00:38:35,897
NELSON:
<i>Let the Tall Oaks
Battle Royale begin.</i>

645
00:38:36,481 --> 00:38:39,359
<i>The prize is five points
towards the cup.</i>

646
00:38:40,277 --> 00:38:42,237
Okay, Brandon,
you're up first.

647
00:38:42,321 --> 00:38:44,197
(LLOYDS CHEERING)

648
00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:50,454
(DRUMS PLAYING)

649
00:38:55,959 --> 00:38:57,461
(ALL CHEERING)

650
00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:04,801
(ALL CHEERING)

651
00:39:16,146 --> 00:39:17,856
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

652
00:39:26,323 --> 00:39:27,574
GIRL:
Come on!

653
00:39:29,910 --> 00:39:32,496
Suck on that, bitch.

654
00:39:33,497 --> 00:39:34,831
GIRL:
Lame.

655
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:37,125
This is so embarrassing.

656
00:39:37,209 --> 00:39:38,460
NELSON:
<i>Okay, Brandon.</i>

657
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,170
GIRL:
Now you show him, Brandon.

658
00:39:40,379 --> 00:39:41,838
(LLOYDS CHEERING)

659
00:39:46,510 --> 00:39:47,844
(YAWNING)

660
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:53,683
(LLOYDS CHEERING)

661
00:39:58,355 --> 00:39:59,564
Take that!

662
00:40:07,531 --> 00:40:09,199
(NELSON CHUCKLING)

663
00:40:10,951 --> 00:40:13,495
<i>Well, seems
this contest is over.</i>

664
00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:14,621
(LLOYDS CHEERING)

665
00:40:14,704 --> 00:40:17,082
Figures. We just lost
five points.

666
00:40:19,418 --> 00:40:22,421
<i>And the winner
by forfeit is...</i>

667
00:40:22,879 --> 00:40:24,339
(BAGPIPE PLAYING)

668
00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,883
But I know
it's not his fault...

669
00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,222
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

670
00:40:44,651 --> 00:40:48,697
STUDENTS: (SINGING)
<i>Play that funky music
white boy</i>

671
00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:51,491
You don't know
the words.

672
00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:54,995
<i>Play that funk music
white boy</i>

673
00:40:55,745 --> 00:40:57,372
<i>Lay down that boogie</i>

674
00:40:57,456 --> 00:40:59,958
<i>And play that funky music
till you die</i>

675
00:41:02,711 --> 00:41:04,546
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

676
00:41:10,552 --> 00:41:12,304
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

677
00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:15,015
He should shave that.

678
00:41:17,851 --> 00:41:19,936
STUDENTS:
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

679
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:22,147
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

680
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:24,608
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

681
00:41:24,816 --> 00:41:26,485
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

682
00:41:26,568 --> 00:41:27,986
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

683
00:41:29,613 --> 00:41:31,698
<i>Okay, five points
to Great Falls.</i>

684
00:41:31,781 --> 00:41:33,408
(ALL CHEERING)

685
00:41:34,075 --> 00:41:36,077
All right, Great Falls!

686
00:41:38,455 --> 00:41:40,582
East Great Falls!

687
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:43,001
STUDENTS:
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

688
00:41:43,126 --> 00:41:44,961
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

689
00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:47,172
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

690
00:41:47,255 --> 00:41:49,633
East Great Falls! Hoo! Ha!

691
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,385
Hey. Hey. Hey.

692
00:41:52,636 --> 00:41:54,721
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
What?

693
00:41:54,804 --> 00:41:57,265
Are you really Scottish?
Fuck, no.

694
00:41:58,099 --> 00:41:59,559
My mom made me
learn an instrument.

695
00:41:59,643 --> 00:42:01,728
That's the most annoying one
I could think of.

696
00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:05,649
I think you were just born
to squeeze sacks
and blow pipes, Stifler.

697
00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:07,192
SHEREE:
Hey, Oscar.

698
00:42:11,947 --> 00:42:14,616
How many other Oscars
do you know? Go!

699
00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:19,371
What's up?
Your drum line sounds
pretty tight.

700
00:42:19,496 --> 00:42:20,539
Oh, thanks.

701
00:42:20,664 --> 00:42:22,582
You let me know
if you want to learn
some new moves.

702
00:42:22,666 --> 00:42:23,667
Really?

703
00:42:23,750 --> 00:42:25,627
He's gonna screw it up.
He's definitely gonna
screw it up.

704
00:42:25,710 --> 00:42:26,711
Hey.

705
00:42:28,338 --> 00:42:30,173
Thanks for winning
those points back.

706
00:42:30,257 --> 00:42:32,676
I lost them.
I had to get them back.

707
00:42:33,426 --> 00:42:36,346
Hey, guys,
Sheree's gonna show me
some moves.

708
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:38,139
LEVENSTEIN:
<i>Hey, gang,</i>

709
00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:41,101
just a little reminder that
as the battle for the cup

710
00:42:41,184 --> 00:42:42,644
heats up,
let's try to remember

711
00:42:42,727 --> 00:42:47,107
<i>to keep up that Tall Oaks
spirit of fair play
and friendly competition.</i>

712
00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:50,527
RIGGLER:
We'll have enough spit
for a six-pack.

713
00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:56,741
Yeah, baby,
you did me proud, son.
Thanks, J.Lo.

714
00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,285
It's cool.
Big O?

715
00:42:58,702 --> 00:43:01,705
Quite a little show you put on
yesterday, Stifler.

716
00:43:01,871 --> 00:43:04,541
You know, these plebes think
you're some kind of hero.

717
00:43:04,708 --> 00:43:06,960
I don't know
what a plebe is, Vande-creep.

718
00:43:07,043 --> 00:43:10,255
Didn't anybody tell you
not to mess with the big dog
while he's eating?

719
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:13,091
RIGGLER:
It's mine, jerk-wad.
Now will you give it back?

720
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,804
Dildos.
This is still
my camp, asshole.

721
00:43:18,054 --> 00:43:20,599
You're going down.
No, I'm not.

722
00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:21,808
But your mom did
last night.

723
00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:24,477
Did she play the trumpet?
Because she has really
strong lips.

724
00:43:24,561 --> 00:43:25,562
(JIMMY LAUGHING)

725
00:43:25,645 --> 00:43:26,896
JIMMY:
That's right.

726
00:43:34,529 --> 00:43:36,406
BRANDON: Mmm!

727
00:43:37,449 --> 00:43:39,034
Mmm, mmm, mmm!

728
00:43:40,785 --> 00:43:42,287
(RETCHING)

729
00:43:42,454 --> 00:43:43,622
Yummy.

730
00:43:44,331 --> 00:43:45,790
(RETCHING)

731
00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:49,336
That's what
I'm talking about.
Whoo!

732
00:43:50,545 --> 00:43:51,921
What happened
this time, Claire?

733
00:43:52,005 --> 00:43:53,506
Well, I was working
on my solo

734
00:43:53,590 --> 00:43:55,050
and I hurt myself.

735
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:57,761
I've been
fucking poisoned.

736
00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,556
SANDERS:
Ipecac is
a natural herbal extract

737
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,726
that triggers
the regurgitation reflex.

738
00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:11,858
Whatever's in there
should be out soon enough.

739
00:44:12,192 --> 00:44:13,902
Like him,
if we're lucky.

740
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:19,491
Well, I'm pretty sure
it's probably
just something

741
00:44:19,866 --> 00:44:24,245
you had for lunch, you know?
I've got the same problem.
Very sensitive stomach.

742
00:44:24,871 --> 00:44:28,166
I was at a banquet once.
On the same plate,
if you can believe it,

743
00:44:28,249 --> 00:44:30,752
they had creamed venison,

744
00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:33,296
squid fritters
and jellied pork.

745
00:44:36,549 --> 00:44:38,051
(MATT VOMITING)

746
00:44:39,219 --> 00:44:40,387
What?

747
00:44:45,517 --> 00:44:47,560
<i>(BABY GOT BACK</i> PLAYING)

748
00:44:55,318 --> 00:44:56,569
(DOOR OPENING)

749
00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:00,615
(CHUCKLING)

750
00:45:00,699 --> 00:45:02,117
Hey, what's up,
crust bucket?

751
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,493
Come here, dude.
Check this out.

752
00:45:03,576 --> 00:45:05,704
So, this afternoon,
while the counselors

753
00:45:05,787 --> 00:45:07,414
were practicing
for the talent show,

754
00:45:07,497 --> 00:45:10,375
I faked an asthma attack,
and I changed both
of the cameras.

755
00:45:11,584 --> 00:45:14,212
Oh, shit! What the hell
are they doing?

756
00:45:14,295 --> 00:45:16,965
It's their talent show
routine, au naturel.

757
00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:20,093
Dude, you filthy little
cyberfucker. Shit.

758
00:45:20,927 --> 00:45:22,595
Hey, I thought we were
just going to watch.

759
00:45:22,679 --> 00:45:25,390
Exactly, we may want
to watch it again.

760
00:45:26,975 --> 00:45:31,855
MATT:
Oh, yes. Counselors gone wild.
Dancing white ta-tas.

761
00:45:31,938 --> 00:45:36,776
Hey, so, I took your advice
about Chloe. I used the Rover
to deliver a soda.

762
00:45:37,110 --> 00:45:39,028
That was your cool,
crazy idea?

763
00:45:39,112 --> 00:45:40,822
Yeah, I think
she actually liked it.

764
00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:43,950
Yeah, that sounds gay.
It's not gay.

765
00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:48,496
Anyway, there's this
bonfire-slushee party
tonight

766
00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:51,291
and I really need to know
Step Two in
the Stiffmeister plan.

767
00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:55,503
Slushee party. Really.

768
00:45:55,837 --> 00:45:57,422
Special delivery.

769
00:45:57,547 --> 00:45:59,632
Prepare to jam
with the bearded clam.

770
00:45:59,966 --> 00:46:02,010
Get ready to cuddle
the love puddle.

771
00:46:02,302 --> 00:46:05,638
The time has come
for Dr. Robot to get laid.

772
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:06,931
Get laid?

773
00:46:07,098 --> 00:46:09,768
I told you,
trust the Stiffmeister.

774
00:46:09,976 --> 00:46:12,771
<i>Meister</i> means "master"
in German.

775
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:17,859
Get her drunk?
That's the secret of the ages?
That's Step Number Two?

776
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:19,778
No, actually, it's Step Four.

777
00:46:19,861 --> 00:46:22,530
You don't have
the balls for Two
or the tongue for Three.

778
00:46:23,198 --> 00:46:24,699
I've got the balls.

779
00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:27,827
Hey, you haven't heard
Step Five yet.

780
00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:29,746
(PLAYING)

781
00:46:31,623 --> 00:46:35,001
(SINGING) <i>Born to be wild</i>

782
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:42,634
<i>Well, I'm hot-blooded
check it and see</i>

783
00:46:43,009 --> 00:46:46,763
<i>I've got a fever of 103</i>

784
00:46:46,846 --> 00:46:49,682
<i>Come on, baby
do you do more than dance?</i>

785
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:54,229
This is some good shit.
Don't enjoy it
too much.

786
00:46:54,354 --> 00:46:57,816
We have a big practice
tomorrow, you guys.
Relax, Leesy.

787
00:46:58,191 --> 00:47:01,402
Suckle the tender fruits
of Band Camp
with your friends.

788
00:47:01,528 --> 00:47:05,406
Come on, Elyse.
Cut loose a little bit.
Have some fun.

789
00:47:05,490 --> 00:47:06,825
I am having fun.

790
00:47:06,908 --> 00:47:09,911
Hey, horn dog, let's go get
some more of these
before they run out.

791
00:47:09,994 --> 00:47:12,413
All right.
Horn dog?

792
00:47:12,497 --> 00:47:17,043
Yeah, it's his nickname.
Dude will stick his dick
into anything. It's unnatural.

793
00:47:18,044 --> 00:47:21,923
Check it, dawg. This one time
at Band Camp,
I fucked an oboe.

794
00:47:22,966 --> 00:47:25,343
MATT: Really?
Blow in it for a while,

795
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:30,056
get that wood nice and warm,
slap on some valve oil
and go to town, yo.

796
00:47:30,265 --> 00:47:32,433
Hey, maybe you should
try a flute.

797
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:33,518
(LAUGHING)

798
00:47:35,645 --> 00:47:36,938
Hey.
Hey.

799
00:47:37,063 --> 00:47:39,566
Now's a good time
to teach you those moves.

800
00:47:39,649 --> 00:47:40,692
Really?

801
00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:47,532
What?

802
00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:55,874
(CHUCKLING)

803
00:48:01,963 --> 00:48:03,423
I know what you're doing.

804
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:04,549
You do?

805
00:48:05,008 --> 00:48:07,594
It's what you always do.
You're a fake.

806
00:48:07,886 --> 00:48:11,014
You do whatever it takes
to be the center of attention.

807
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:14,934
Just like when we were kids,
around me, you were
regular old Matt,

808
00:48:15,143 --> 00:48:18,563
but around Steve
and his friends,
you were the Stiffmeister.

809
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:21,190
Who're you going
to be tonight?

810
00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:23,067
(IMITATING MATT)
Hey, cheese dick,

811
00:48:23,151 --> 00:48:26,988
why don't you quit being
such a fucking taint licker,
and get me another slushee.

812
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:29,490
Fucking puss monkey.

813
00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:30,992
(CHUCKLING)

814
00:48:37,498 --> 00:48:40,084
You know what?
I am going to have some fun.

815
00:48:48,092 --> 00:48:51,179
Fucking hoes, man.
I don't get that shit.

816
00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:55,183
I mean, right now, Oscar's off
in the woods tapping
that counselor biatch, Sheree.

817
00:48:55,308 --> 00:48:58,102
What's up with that?
That cock spring
is getting laid?

818
00:48:58,186 --> 00:49:01,189
True that. And here we are,
the two dopest homeboys
in camp

819
00:49:01,272 --> 00:49:05,610
and we ain't got no prospects
for our palm pilots.
That's fucked up, dawg.

820
00:49:06,027 --> 00:49:08,029
Dude, I gotta see this.

821
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,199
(OSCAR LAUGHING)

822
00:49:11,282 --> 00:49:12,450
SHEREE:
Use your hips more.

823
00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:13,618
OSCAR:
Hips, like that?

824
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:17,580
Yeah, now faster. Yeah.
Like that. A circle.
Like that.

825
00:49:17,705 --> 00:49:21,834
(IMITATING STEVE IRWIN)
Crikey! The alpha female
has chosen an unlikely mate.

826
00:49:21,918 --> 00:49:24,545
Will he survive
this dangerous encounter

827
00:49:24,796 --> 00:49:29,217
or will she satisfy
her primal needs and then
devour him for dinner?

828
00:49:29,550 --> 00:49:31,135
Stay tuned.

829
00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:35,056
OSCAR:
I'm sorry. I'm really
no good at this stuff.

830
00:49:35,139 --> 00:49:37,183
Relax.
You're doing fine.

831
00:49:37,392 --> 00:49:39,018
(CAMERA WINDING)

832
00:49:40,770 --> 00:49:42,271
This sucks.

833
00:49:42,605 --> 00:49:45,108
How's that feel?
Oscar.

834
00:49:45,191 --> 00:49:47,902
Is that your drumstick
poking me?

835
00:49:49,070 --> 00:49:51,030
I don't have
my drumsticks.

836
00:49:51,114 --> 00:49:53,908
Are you standing up
for me again, Oscar?

837
00:49:54,450 --> 00:49:56,202
It's getting hot.

838
00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:59,372
Smack my ass
and call me cowboy.

839
00:49:59,539 --> 00:50:02,333
Hello,
Double-D Sheree.

840
00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:04,585
<i>Hips. Hips.</i>

841
00:50:04,877 --> 00:50:06,504
Use your hips.
Oh, yeah, hips.

842
00:50:06,587 --> 00:50:08,423
And step, and...

843
00:50:10,925 --> 00:50:13,052
MATT: (CHUCKLING)
Who knew?

844
00:50:13,803 --> 00:50:15,221
Wow.

845
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:17,890
Oh, shit!

846
00:50:17,974 --> 00:50:19,809
SHEREE:
You're a sweet guy, Oscar.

847
00:50:19,892 --> 00:50:22,395
MATT:
<i>Bandeez Gone Wild.</i>
Scene 69.

848
00:50:22,478 --> 00:50:24,814
Double-D Sheree
and Big O.

849
00:50:27,442 --> 00:50:29,986
(RAPPING) <i>Yo, we at Tall Oaks
sipping on juice</i>

850
00:50:30,069 --> 00:50:32,280
<i>Got horns, trumpets
rhythm and flutes</i>

851
00:50:32,363 --> 00:50:34,657
<i>Great Falls laying it down</i>

852
00:50:34,741 --> 00:50:37,368
<i>Gonna ride fucking Beechwood
out of the town</i>

853
00:50:37,452 --> 00:50:39,787
<i>J.C., what
rocking the bunch</i>

854
00:50:39,871 --> 00:50:42,915
<i>All tripped out
on the fucking fruit punch</i>

855
00:50:43,041 --> 00:50:44,500
(ALL CHEERING)

856
00:50:47,754 --> 00:50:50,006
<i>Hey, are you sure
about this? I mean...</i>

857
00:50:50,089 --> 00:50:53,593
<i>I just
want to be respectful.
Oh, that's sweet.</i>

858
00:50:54,052 --> 00:50:57,930
<i>But right now,
I just want you to respect me
real hard and bad.</i>

859
00:50:59,599 --> 00:51:01,476
MATT:
Lucky son of a bitch.

860
00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:04,270
The only person who's
gonna get laid around here.

861
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,106
(OBOE PLAYING)

862
00:51:13,446 --> 00:51:15,490
Hello, oboe.

863
00:51:32,173 --> 00:51:33,966
CHLOE:
This is so cool.

864
00:51:35,676 --> 00:51:40,014
ERNIE:
I hope I didn't scare you
with the Rover and the soda.

865
00:51:40,139 --> 00:51:41,974
No, man,
it was cute.

866
00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:46,604
Nobody's ever been
that sweet to me
in my whole life.

867
00:51:47,188 --> 00:51:48,564
Plus, to be honest,

868
00:51:49,357 --> 00:51:52,485
metal really turns me on.

869
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:53,986
Oh.

870
00:52:13,798 --> 00:52:15,341
(MATT MOANING)

871
00:52:19,345 --> 00:52:21,514
Man, the shit's stuck.

872
00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,986
(OBOE PLAYING)

873
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:41,701
(BLOWING)

874
00:52:44,787 --> 00:52:45,788
(GRUNTING)

875
00:52:45,872 --> 00:52:48,374
Turn off the lights.
Damn, gangsta.

876
00:52:48,499 --> 00:52:49,500
I was just fucking
with you, dawg!

877
00:52:49,584 --> 00:52:51,127
You... It's stuck.

878
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:53,671
Shit, you want help?
Don't touch me.

879
00:52:55,173 --> 00:52:56,215
Come on.

880
00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:58,259
JIMMY:
Maybe you should blow on it.

881
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:00,219
MATT:
Maybe you should blow on it
and I'll pull.

882
00:53:00,303 --> 00:53:02,555
JIMMY:
Hell, no. Jimmy ain't putting
his lips on that thing.

883
00:53:02,638 --> 00:53:04,098
MATT: Jimmy should be
a team player.

884
00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:06,434
JIMMY: Try and relax, dawg.
MATT: Not so hard.

885
00:53:06,517 --> 00:53:08,060
Oh, my God!

886
00:53:14,525 --> 00:53:16,569
JIMMY:
I was just trying to help him
get it off, yo.

887
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,571
Dude, shut up.

888
00:53:18,654 --> 00:53:19,780
Whatever.

889
00:53:19,864 --> 00:53:21,908
He had an allergic reaction
to the valve oil.

890
00:53:21,991 --> 00:53:24,660
The swelling should go down
in a few minutes.

891
00:53:24,911 --> 00:53:29,040
These kinds of things
would never happen
with our old Macro.

892
00:53:50,061 --> 00:53:52,897
We didn't have MTV
when I was growing up.

893
00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:56,817
So maybe it's
the over-stimulated times

894
00:53:56,901 --> 00:54:01,030
that we live in
that causes young men
to stick their

895
00:54:01,739 --> 00:54:04,700
instruments in
such odd places.

896
00:54:06,577 --> 00:54:08,162
I knew a certain
young man once

897
00:54:08,246 --> 00:54:11,582
who actually engaged
in sexual congress
with an apple pie.

898
00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:13,584
And he turned out just fine.

899
00:54:14,126 --> 00:54:17,088
So, you're perfectly normal...

900
00:54:18,214 --> 00:54:19,757
As these things go.

901
00:54:27,556 --> 00:54:28,683
(SIGHING)

902
00:54:34,146 --> 00:54:35,147
Hey.

903
00:54:38,109 --> 00:54:41,237
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah.

904
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:45,825
I'm so drunk right now.
I'm probably going
to forget about you

905
00:54:47,285 --> 00:54:49,412
porking an oboe.

906
00:54:50,079 --> 00:54:51,080
(LAUGHING)

907
00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:53,958
(SHOUTING)

908
00:54:55,835 --> 00:54:57,837
<i>(VAMPIRE LOVE</i>
BY ASH PLAYING)

909
00:54:58,462 --> 00:55:00,256
I have six piercings.

910
00:55:01,674 --> 00:55:04,302
That doesn't include
the ones on my face.

911
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:19,233
Two right here...

912
00:55:21,610 --> 00:55:24,655
And four down here.

913
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:28,617
(CHLOE GIGGLING)

914
00:55:32,038 --> 00:55:33,706
(SINGING)

915
00:55:34,165 --> 00:55:35,166
(LAUGHING)

916
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:38,210
Haven't seen that
in a while.

917
00:55:38,711 --> 00:55:43,674
Yeah, well, no time
for dance. It's all about
band, band, band.

918
00:55:43,841 --> 00:55:45,843
No, I was talking
about you having fun.

919
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:49,263
I have fun.
I have fun all the time.
Yeah.

920
00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:51,557
I just get stressed out,
you know. I mean...

921
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:52,641
(LAUGHING)

922
00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:55,061
We graduate next year,
and I don't know.

923
00:55:55,144 --> 00:55:57,188
I mean, I don't really
talk about it all that much

924
00:55:57,271 --> 00:56:00,232
because the cup is, like,
a team thing, and...

925
00:56:00,316 --> 00:56:03,527
But winning
the Robards Scholarship,
I mean, that is like

926
00:56:03,611 --> 00:56:05,279
my future, you know?
And

927
00:56:06,155 --> 00:56:08,991
Dr. Choi is coming.
I mean,

928
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:12,661
you don't understand.
She's like famous,

929
00:56:13,204 --> 00:56:16,207
like holy-shit famous.
And, sometimes, I just...

930
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:18,918
I get really stressed out

931
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:22,838
and I calm myself down
by going off
and playing on my Picardo.

932
00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:26,092
Wait, you have...
Picardo?

933
00:56:26,425 --> 00:56:29,011
It's just a cheapie,
but I lost it.

934
00:56:29,303 --> 00:56:32,473
Wait, if I somehow found
this Picard thing...
You found it?

935
00:56:32,723 --> 00:56:34,642
Maybe.
Give it back.

936
00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:36,477
If you let me watch.

937
00:56:37,478 --> 00:56:40,481
Okay, but it takes me a while
to warm up.

938
00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:43,025
I have all the time
in the world.

939
00:56:43,109 --> 00:56:44,110
(SCOFFS)

940
00:56:45,653 --> 00:56:46,695
Figures.

941
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:51,158
But I'm going to have
to be really drunk.

942
00:56:51,784 --> 00:56:55,121
I mean really drunk.
Really drunk.

943
00:56:55,204 --> 00:56:56,247
(ELYSE LAUGHING)

944
00:56:56,330 --> 00:56:57,331
Yes.

945
00:56:57,915 --> 00:56:59,417
GIRL:
Beat it, jerk off.

946
00:56:59,834 --> 00:57:00,835
(CLEARS THROAT)

947
00:57:02,837 --> 00:57:04,004
(BAND PLAYING)

948
00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:20,938
ELYSE:
<i>Okay, people,
let's take a break.</i>

949
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:26,485
<i>We're all
a little sluggish today.</i>

950
00:57:28,279 --> 00:57:29,905
Man, we suck.

951
00:57:29,989 --> 00:57:33,534
Man, one night of fun
was not worth losing
a whole day of practice.

952
00:57:37,580 --> 00:57:39,081
Give me this thing.

953
00:57:39,540 --> 00:57:42,126
<i>All right, listen up,
you lazy bunch of lip shits.</i>

954
00:57:42,209 --> 00:57:44,170
<i>Those Beechwood plebes
aren't taking breaks.</i>

955
00:57:44,253 --> 00:57:47,173
<i>We want to win this thing,
we've gotta bust our asses.</i>

956
00:57:47,506 --> 00:57:49,633
<i>Come on, bitches.
Back to work.</i>

957
00:57:49,717 --> 00:57:52,511
Matt, that's my job.
<i>Grab your cocks
and move your socks.</i>

958
00:57:52,595 --> 00:57:54,722
<i>We're at war here,
people, war!</i>

959
00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:56,307
<i>Show some tits.
Grow some balls.</i>

960
00:57:56,390 --> 00:57:58,184
<i>Hey, keep that thing
warm for me.</i>

961
00:57:58,267 --> 00:58:00,853
<i>All right, now.
What, you want to let
Beechwood tittie-fuck us?</i>

962
00:58:00,936 --> 00:58:01,979
<i>I didn't think so.</i>

963
00:58:02,062 --> 00:58:03,856
LEVENSTEIN:
<i>All right, Tall Oakers,</i>

964
00:58:03,939 --> 00:58:06,984
<i>we're in our final week.
Time to put on our game faces.</i>

965
00:58:07,067 --> 00:58:10,237
<i>And time
to strap yourselves in
for a bumpy ride.</i>

966
00:58:10,362 --> 00:58:12,281
I want the oboe, clarinet,
black thingies

967
00:58:12,406 --> 00:58:15,159
and we've got
the rhythm section
in a full-on blitz.

968
00:58:15,242 --> 00:58:17,328
Are you with me, bandies?
ALL:
Yeah!

969
00:58:17,411 --> 00:58:19,580
NELSON:
<i>Competition for
the Tall Oaks Cup is</i>

970
00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:20,748
<i>really heating up.</i>

971
00:58:20,956 --> 00:58:22,333
<i>(THE MIDDLE</i> PLAYING)

972
00:58:22,416 --> 00:58:23,876
(PEOPLE CHEERING)

973
00:58:23,959 --> 00:58:25,461
NELSON:
<i>Beechwood wins.</i>

974
00:58:26,128 --> 00:58:27,463
(STUDENTS CHEERING)

975
00:58:27,713 --> 00:58:28,714
MATT:
Whatever.

976
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:30,132
I told you,
you should let me steer.

977
00:58:30,257 --> 00:58:31,926
MATT:
Take that bitch home, man.

978
00:58:32,259 --> 00:58:35,012
Drive it in.
Hey, you, fuck face...

979
00:58:35,095 --> 00:58:36,972
I don't even know
where to start with you.

980
00:58:43,479 --> 00:58:44,813
NELSON:
<i>Beechwood leads.</i>

981
00:58:44,897 --> 00:58:47,149
<i>Great Falls and Lloyd
are tied for second.</i>

982
00:58:47,233 --> 00:58:49,276
MATT:
Beechwood licks nuts. Hut!

983
00:58:57,826 --> 00:59:00,246
NELSON:
<i>Victory, East Great Falls.</i>

984
00:59:03,541 --> 00:59:05,668
Right foot on line.

985
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:09,505
Jimmy,
you fucking lotion lover.

986
00:59:16,637 --> 00:59:19,265
NELSON:
<i>East Great Falls
by four points.</i>

987
00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:30,568
ERNIE:
Hey, butt pirates ahoy.

988
00:59:31,318 --> 00:59:32,570
BRANDON:
Your little band

989
00:59:32,653 --> 00:59:34,613
may be leading
in the competition, Stifler...

990
00:59:34,947 --> 00:59:35,948
(GROANS)

991
00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:39,034
...but make sure
to let us know
if you get thirsty.

992
00:59:39,118 --> 00:59:41,078
Yeah, 'cause there's plenty
of this.

993
00:59:41,161 --> 00:59:42,162
(GRUNTS)

994
00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:43,956
(SPITTING)

995
00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:46,500
(MATT LAUGHING)

996
00:59:46,709 --> 00:59:50,671
MATT:
That's funny for you dorks.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah.

997
00:59:50,879 --> 00:59:53,507
Man, screw that challenge.
I'm just gonna kick his ass.

998
00:59:53,591 --> 00:59:55,759
No, wait.
I've got a better idea,

999
00:59:56,677 --> 00:59:58,721
if you think
you're man enough.

1000
01:00:10,774 --> 01:00:11,817
Yes.

1001
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:15,070
Hey, you sure you can do this?
Hey, born to be
a porn star, baby.

1002
01:00:15,154 --> 01:00:16,572
Delivery on demand.

1003
01:00:16,655 --> 01:00:17,656
(CHUCKLING)

1004
01:00:17,740 --> 01:00:20,784
When I get back, I'll be
a million Stiflers lighter.

1005
01:00:20,868 --> 01:00:22,494
(CHUCKLING)

1006
01:00:28,334 --> 01:00:30,294
MAN:
Hey, <i>ocupado.</i>

1007
01:00:30,377 --> 01:00:31,670
Sorry.

1008
01:00:36,342 --> 01:00:37,593
Oh.

1009
01:00:44,558 --> 01:00:45,809
(SIGHING)

1010
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:51,899
(MAN FARTING)

1011
01:00:52,399 --> 01:00:54,985
Dude, how about
a courtesy flush, man?

1012
01:00:55,069 --> 01:00:56,945
I'm trying to concentrate
in here.

1013
01:00:58,447 --> 01:00:59,448
(SIGHS)

1014
01:01:02,451 --> 01:01:03,911
Sheree.

1015
01:01:06,664 --> 01:01:09,291
<i>(I TOUCH MYSELF</i>
BY THE DIVINYLS PLAYING)

1016
01:01:10,918 --> 01:01:13,337
Mattie.

1017
01:01:13,420 --> 01:01:15,255
Double-D Sheree.

1018
01:01:17,299 --> 01:01:19,677
MATT:
<i>Sheree. Yeah.</i>

1019
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:23,764
<i>Arianna.</i>

1020
01:01:25,557 --> 01:01:27,309
Oh, Arianna.

1021
01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:31,271
(MATT MOANING)

1022
01:01:34,441 --> 01:01:35,859
Band, 10-hut!

1023
01:01:36,110 --> 01:01:37,361
Leesy.

1024
01:01:40,906 --> 01:01:42,741
Yeah, Leesy.

1025
01:01:43,701 --> 01:01:44,993
Oh, yeah.

1026
01:01:46,537 --> 01:01:48,288
(MATT MOANING)

1027
01:01:56,171 --> 01:01:57,506
MATT:
<i>Nurse Sanders.</i>

1028
01:01:57,589 --> 01:01:59,717
Go ahead,
give me that shot, baby.

1029
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,301
<i>Naughty Nurse.</i>

1030
01:02:01,385 --> 01:02:04,221
<i>More. Oh, yeah.</i>

1031
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:08,392
(MATT EXCLAIMING)

1032
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:10,769
It's coming. Oh, yeah.

1033
01:02:12,813 --> 01:02:14,982
<i>Oh, yeah, it's coming.</i>

1034
01:02:16,817 --> 01:02:18,610
Claire? No!

1035
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:23,198
Claire. Oh, Claire, baby.

1036
01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:25,325
MATT: (CONTINUES MOANING)
<i>Claire...</i>

1037
01:02:25,451 --> 01:02:26,577
<i>Claire...</i>

1038
01:02:27,619 --> 01:02:28,996
(GROANING)

1039
01:02:29,079 --> 01:02:30,497
Claire.

1040
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:34,501
(GASPS)

1041
01:02:37,546 --> 01:02:38,839
(SIGHS)

1042
01:02:43,510 --> 01:02:44,762
(FLUSHING)

1043
01:02:44,845 --> 01:02:47,347
Courtesy flush.
MAN:
Oh, no!

1044
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:50,893
CLAIRE:
Brandon, I think you're
a really good drummer, so...

1045
01:02:50,976 --> 01:02:52,060
Excuse me.

1046
01:02:58,692 --> 01:03:00,694
Listen, this is your chance
to help.

1047
01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:05,532
Hey, guys,

1048
01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:09,369
don't forget your sunscreen.
Your bodies
are your instruments.

1049
01:03:09,495 --> 01:03:11,538
Yeah, you don't want to be
chapped for your solos.

1050
01:03:11,663 --> 01:03:13,999
No, we don't. Bye now.

1051
01:03:19,087 --> 01:03:21,340
What is that, 30?
It's really thick.

1052
01:03:27,763 --> 01:03:29,056
(RETCHING)

1053
01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:33,644
How's that taste, Vande-cock?

1054
01:03:34,228 --> 01:03:36,355
Mmm! Good, huh?
Warm and salty? Yeah.

1055
01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:40,234
It's a cum-pletely
new formula.
100% Stiffy juice...

1056
01:03:40,359 --> 01:03:42,444
SPF 69.

1057
01:03:42,528 --> 01:03:43,779
(RETCHING)

1058
01:03:44,321 --> 01:03:45,322
(VOMITING)

1059
01:03:45,405 --> 01:03:46,865
(LAUGHING)

1060
01:03:49,201 --> 01:03:50,452
Suck on that.

1061
01:03:51,578 --> 01:03:53,038
Yeah.
Stop, man.

1062
01:03:53,121 --> 01:03:54,832
Yeah.
Ernie.

1063
01:03:54,957 --> 01:03:56,375
Yeah.
Ernie.

1064
01:03:56,792 --> 01:03:58,377
(CHLOE PLAYING)

1065
01:04:05,884 --> 01:04:08,512
What you had before
was way better than this.

1066
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:12,558
This sounds like
your overactive
honor-society brain.

1067
01:04:13,183 --> 01:04:16,645
Instead of your nasty, wet

1068
01:04:17,729 --> 01:04:19,231
dirty-girl panties.

1069
01:04:20,107 --> 01:04:22,109
It should be more spontaneous.

1070
01:04:22,401 --> 01:04:23,902
(PLAYING)

1071
01:04:23,986 --> 01:04:24,987
(CHLOE LAUGHING)

1072
01:04:25,070 --> 01:04:26,405
Stop.

1073
01:04:26,530 --> 01:04:29,324
Maybe you should hang out
with your friend Matt
a little bit more.

1074
01:04:29,408 --> 01:04:30,450
Yeah, right.

1075
01:04:30,534 --> 01:04:34,079
I know he's a dick
and everything,
but he's also got one.

1076
01:04:34,246 --> 01:04:38,542
Make some love music,
you know? And then your notes
will just cum to you.

1077
01:04:39,126 --> 01:04:41,378
Oh, Matt!
Stop.

1078
01:04:41,461 --> 01:04:42,504
(MOANS)

1079
01:04:42,588 --> 01:04:44,089
OSCAR:
Matt. Matt.

1080
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,383
(ALL SHOUTING)

1081
01:04:47,259 --> 01:04:49,761
Go long, you asshole. Go.

1082
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:52,431
Hey, Elyse.

1083
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:55,601
MATT:
Throw it back. Come on.

1084
01:04:56,435 --> 01:04:57,895
What you got?

1085
01:05:01,189 --> 01:05:02,399
Oh! Oops!

1086
01:05:03,150 --> 01:05:04,776
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1087
01:05:05,611 --> 01:05:06,987
Missed. Sorry.

1088
01:05:08,614 --> 01:05:10,324
MATT:
Hey, if I have to ring
the triangle,

1089
01:05:10,407 --> 01:05:12,326
you have to throw
the football, all right?
Okay.

1090
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:14,286
Draw your arm back.
There you go.

1091
01:05:14,369 --> 01:05:18,123
Shoulder to your target.
Right. Okay,
now step forward.

1092
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:20,626
Come on we're not marching.
One foot.

1093
01:05:20,709 --> 01:05:23,629
Argh. Okay.
You're fine. Ready?
There you go.

1094
01:05:23,837 --> 01:05:25,380
Draw the ball
over your ear

1095
01:05:25,464 --> 01:05:28,800
and when you throw it,
let it roll right off
your fingers, all right?

1096
01:05:29,676 --> 01:05:30,802
Okay.

1097
01:05:31,136 --> 01:05:32,638
Come on, throw it.

1098
01:05:38,518 --> 01:05:40,312
See? I taught you something.
What?

1099
01:05:40,395 --> 01:05:42,898
So every time I throw it,
you're gonna run
and go get it?

1100
01:05:42,981 --> 01:05:44,733
That's generally how it works.

1101
01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:46,652
Like playing fetch
with my dog.

1102
01:05:46,735 --> 01:05:50,530
Yeah, except I don't lick
my own balls.
You would if you could.

1103
01:05:50,864 --> 01:05:51,907
Oh, yeah.

1104
01:05:53,533 --> 01:05:54,701
Okay, again.

1105
01:05:55,661 --> 01:05:56,870
MATT:
Right here.

1106
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:00,707
ELYSE:
Look, that one looks
like a bunny.

1107
01:06:01,041 --> 01:06:03,043
MATT:
No, it doesn't.
Uh-huh.

1108
01:06:04,378 --> 01:06:06,463
Maybe a bunny with one nut.

1109
01:06:06,672 --> 01:06:09,424
No, that's its tail.
Whatever you say.

1110
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,301
(SIGHING)

1111
01:06:12,803 --> 01:06:15,889
You think
we'll win this thing?
Hell, yeah, we will.

1112
01:06:16,014 --> 01:06:17,849
If you write
in a bagpipe part.

1113
01:06:17,933 --> 01:06:20,227
Oh, God, I'll never
make that mistake again.

1114
01:06:20,394 --> 01:06:23,438
What?
The eighth grade recital.

1115
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:26,942
You made me write in
a part for you.

1116
01:06:29,236 --> 01:06:31,196
You wore your kilt.

1117
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:35,075
Yeah, Steve showed up
with his friends.

1118
01:06:35,701 --> 01:06:37,911
They gave me so much shit
for that.

1119
01:06:38,245 --> 01:06:40,622
I didn't come out
of my room for days.

1120
01:06:40,914 --> 01:06:44,126
You made it up to him
by stealing
all my underwear

1121
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:46,586
so you could run them up
the flagpole.

1122
01:06:47,546 --> 01:06:49,381
Including my training bras.

1123
01:06:52,467 --> 01:06:55,095
Okay, since we're having
some big fucking
Oprah moment here...

1124
01:06:55,178 --> 01:06:57,222
I'm sorry
about your underwear.

1125
01:06:57,347 --> 01:06:58,974
And the diary.

1126
01:07:01,727 --> 01:07:03,729
And all that other shit, too.

1127
01:07:44,061 --> 01:07:45,145
That's it.

1128
01:07:45,729 --> 01:07:48,565
You started it.
This is gonna get me
that scholarship.

1129
01:07:48,648 --> 01:07:49,691
What?

1130
01:07:49,775 --> 01:07:52,444
Oh, I've got to go write
this down
before I forget.

1131
01:07:52,694 --> 01:07:53,945
(ELYSE HUMMING)

1132
01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:55,697
Hey, hey, hey!

1133
01:07:56,156 --> 01:07:57,157
Uh...

1134
01:07:57,407 --> 01:07:59,409
Could we do this again
tomorrow night?

1135
01:07:59,493 --> 01:08:02,454
Yeah, sure.
I'll see you here at sunset.

1136
01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,039
Hey. Um...

1137
01:08:05,248 --> 01:08:07,709
Should I bring that
Picardo thing?

1138
01:08:07,793 --> 01:08:10,045
Okay, I'll do a solo for you.

1139
01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:11,671
(ELYSE LAUGHING)

1140
01:08:12,547 --> 01:08:13,673
Hey...

1141
01:08:15,175 --> 01:08:16,510
(GROANING)

1142
01:08:20,222 --> 01:08:21,932
What's up, Ernie?
ERNIE:
Hey.

1143
01:08:40,951 --> 01:08:42,953
It was that
fugly nurse again.

1144
01:08:51,336 --> 01:08:55,215
<i>(DO YOU WANNA TOUCH ME</i>
BY JOAN JETT
AND THE BLACKHEARTS PLAYING)

1145
01:08:58,051 --> 01:08:59,886
Oh, my God.

1146
01:08:59,970 --> 01:09:01,304
Matt Stifler?

1147
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:06,768
Holy shit, look at you.
Arianna,
what are you doing here?

1148
01:09:06,852 --> 01:09:10,188
We practice our routine
with the band.
What are you doing here?

1149
01:09:10,313 --> 01:09:12,691
I had to come.
The school made me.

1150
01:09:13,692 --> 01:09:17,112
Does anybody know
about this yet?
Oh, they do now.

1151
01:09:18,155 --> 01:09:21,283
Hey, come on, no pictures.
What're you,
the papa-tit-zzy?

1152
01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,118
Holy shit,
this is so hilarious.
Smile.

1153
01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:27,038
Ladies.
No time for fraternizing.

1154
01:09:28,039 --> 01:09:32,169
Get the bags.
Guess I'll see you around,
bandy.

1155
01:09:32,335 --> 01:09:36,548
What a dork.
I'm going to email this
to everybody.

1156
01:09:40,385 --> 01:09:41,970
(BAND PLAYING)

1157
01:09:58,904 --> 01:10:01,740
Girls, that was great.
Percussion, take five.

1158
01:10:01,823 --> 01:10:03,575
Horns, we've got to work
on intonation.

1159
01:10:03,658 --> 01:10:06,244
The final performance
is tomorrow, you guys.

1160
01:10:07,078 --> 01:10:08,914
GIRL:
They're so lame.

1161
01:10:09,915 --> 01:10:12,334
You play the triangle.
How cute.

1162
01:10:13,168 --> 01:10:16,338
No, I don't.
Look, I told you...

1163
01:10:17,005 --> 01:10:18,340
I had to...
ARIANNA:
I gotta go.

1164
01:10:18,423 --> 01:10:21,760
I don't socialize
with bandies.
I'm not a fucking bandy.

1165
01:10:22,093 --> 01:10:25,764
I'm not. Look.
I've just been acting
like a geek.

1166
01:10:26,097 --> 01:10:29,017
I've been playing them
so I could get them
on hidden video.

1167
01:10:29,100 --> 01:10:32,687
I've been secretly
videotaping them
doing all this crazy shit.

1168
01:10:33,605 --> 01:10:36,608
Really?
Yeah, I could show you.

1169
01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,613
Okay, come by after dinner.

1170
01:10:42,113 --> 01:10:44,741
I'll leave my pompoms
in the window for you.

1171
01:11:18,066 --> 01:11:19,234
ARIANNA:
You're late.

1172
01:11:19,317 --> 01:11:21,361
Yeah, no shit.
Open the window.

1173
01:11:24,197 --> 01:11:26,116
Hold on. Be careful with it.

1174
01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:38,586
All right, one condition
before I show you
the fruits of my labors.

1175
01:11:38,670 --> 01:11:39,879
What's that?

1176
01:11:40,088 --> 01:11:42,465
I want that picture
on that camera phone erased.

1177
01:11:54,686 --> 01:11:55,937
MATT:
<i>Nobody at school hears</i>

1178
01:11:56,021 --> 01:11:57,814
<i>about the triangle
or the beanie.</i>

1179
01:11:57,897 --> 01:12:00,525
<i>I don't want anybody
to think
I'm a dorky-ass bandy</i>

1180
01:12:00,608 --> 01:12:02,527
ARIANNA:
<i>Fine. Like,
now can we get on with it?</i>

1181
01:12:02,610 --> 01:12:05,613
MATT: As soon as you get rid
of that picture of me
on your phone.

1182
01:12:20,462 --> 01:12:21,671
LAURIE:
<i>Are you going into town?</i>

1183
01:12:21,755 --> 01:12:23,298
PATTI:
<i>Not tonight. I'm too tired.</i>

1184
01:12:23,381 --> 01:12:26,009
Besides,
they're much hotter here.

1185
01:12:26,092 --> 01:12:29,012
I know.
It's a great crop this year.

1186
01:12:43,818 --> 01:12:47,739
There. Done deal.
Now can we see the video?

1187
01:12:48,615 --> 01:12:49,991
Stiffmeister Productions

1188
01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:53,661
in association with
its talented new director,
Matthew Stifler,

1189
01:12:53,745 --> 01:12:55,747
is happy to premier
the unedited,

1190
01:12:55,830 --> 01:13:00,293
unfiltered,
and un-fucking-believable
<i>Bandeez Gone Wild.</i>

1191
01:13:00,377 --> 01:13:01,544
(MATT EXCLAIMING)

1192
01:13:01,628 --> 01:13:02,837
Oh, yeah.

1193
01:13:07,133 --> 01:13:10,678
Oh, my God.
That is unbelievable.

1194
01:13:28,822 --> 01:13:30,240
(LESLIE LAUGHING)

1195
01:13:33,576 --> 01:13:36,121
ARIANNA:
You're kidding me, right?
That's great.

1196
01:13:37,372 --> 01:13:38,748
PATTI:
<i>Danielle likes Jimmy,</i>

1197
01:13:38,832 --> 01:13:40,583
<i>but she's like
a foot taller than him.</i>

1198
01:13:40,667 --> 01:13:42,085
And wait till you hear this.

1199
01:13:42,210 --> 01:13:44,754
Sheree slept with that
big Oscar guy, the drummer.

1200
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,381
Said he was amazing.

1201
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:50,135
Well, I hooked up
with Brandon once.
Some drummer. He has

1202
01:13:50,218 --> 01:13:52,137
<i>no rhythm,
and he can't even bang
very long.</i>

1203
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:54,013
PATTI:
<i>Oh, my God.
Are you serious?</i>

1204
01:13:54,097 --> 01:13:58,226
<i>Yeah, he's a preemie.
And I'm not talking about
the day he was born, either.</i>

1205
01:13:58,309 --> 01:13:59,310
(PATTI LAUGHING)

1206
01:13:59,978 --> 01:14:02,814
Can you get my back?
I think I got a little bit
of sun today?

1207
01:14:02,897 --> 01:14:03,982
Sure.

1208
01:14:04,065 --> 01:14:06,901
Get this. He has one ball.

1209
01:14:07,444 --> 01:14:09,779
No way.
One ball.

1210
01:14:09,904 --> 01:14:11,114
(PATTI LAUGHING)

1211
01:14:11,239 --> 01:14:14,409
Yeah, that's why he carries
that big stick around
everywhere.

1212
01:14:14,492 --> 01:14:16,536
It's got his other ball
on top.

1213
01:14:20,832 --> 01:14:22,584
Shit, shit, oh, shit.

1214
01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,085
(SCREAMING)

1215
01:14:25,879 --> 01:14:27,380
PATTI:
What is that thing?

1216
01:14:34,554 --> 01:14:36,097
(SCREAMING)

1217
01:14:41,436 --> 01:14:42,770
Let's kill it.

1218
01:14:43,271 --> 01:14:44,272
PATTI:
Where'd he go?

1219
01:14:44,355 --> 01:14:45,356
LAURIE:
There he is.

1220
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:46,608
Look out.

1221
01:14:58,995 --> 01:15:00,371
(GROANING)

1222
01:15:26,481 --> 01:15:28,399
This is going into the lake.

1223
01:15:29,442 --> 01:15:31,903
No one's gonna know
about your little video.

1224
01:15:31,986 --> 01:15:34,656
'Cause the shit
you got us doing on tape...

1225
01:15:39,661 --> 01:15:43,331
So we got a contest to win
tomorrow. And I don't want
to see you.

1226
01:15:43,748 --> 01:15:45,124
Understand?

1227
01:15:51,005 --> 01:15:52,465
Did you help him?

1228
01:16:17,282 --> 01:16:18,908
NELSON:
<i>With East Great Falls
in the lead,</i>

1229
01:16:18,992 --> 01:16:21,786
<i>Beechwood has to win
the Band Camp Playoffs.</i>

1230
01:16:21,869 --> 01:16:25,248
<i>Direct yourselves
to the marching field
in one hour.</i>

1231
01:16:25,540 --> 01:16:28,918
Now, Dr. Choi,
Brandon Vandecamp
from Beechwood

1232
01:16:29,002 --> 01:16:31,296
is our best musician by far

1233
01:16:31,379 --> 01:16:36,301
and his father, Landon,
is our best donor,
also by far.

1234
01:16:37,468 --> 01:16:39,512
CHOI:
Robards needs
talented musicians

1235
01:16:39,596 --> 01:16:42,223
as much as
we need talented donors.

1236
01:16:42,307 --> 01:16:43,766
(NELSON LAUGHING)

1237
01:16:44,809 --> 01:16:46,519
(BANDS PLAYING)

1238
01:16:49,022 --> 01:16:50,356
Ipecac.

1239
01:16:52,734 --> 01:16:55,987
So how's it going?
Are you having fun?
It's okay.

1240
01:16:56,404 --> 01:16:57,905
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

1241
01:17:01,367 --> 01:17:03,661
How about some Ipecac,
Vande-cooch?

1242
01:17:06,581 --> 01:17:10,460
This herbal fucking extract
will help you Beechwood fief
play in tune, huh?

1243
01:17:12,003 --> 01:17:13,046
Shit.

1244
01:17:20,511 --> 01:17:21,512
OSCAR:
Hey!

1245
01:17:22,513 --> 01:17:24,932
I told you
I don't want to see you
anymore, Stifler.

1246
01:17:25,016 --> 01:17:27,185
MATT:
Someday,
you'll thank me, asshole.

1247
01:17:31,981 --> 01:17:33,024
JIMMY:
Orange?

1248
01:17:33,816 --> 01:17:34,942
Again?

1249
01:17:35,234 --> 01:17:37,278
Damn.
That orange shit is janky.

1250
01:17:37,362 --> 01:17:39,280
I'm feeling grape, dawg.

1251
01:17:42,158 --> 01:17:44,118
OSCAR:
I don't care
how many times they won.

1252
01:17:44,202 --> 01:17:46,120
They're not getting
the grape today.

1253
01:17:46,204 --> 01:17:48,581
JIMMY:
That's what I'm talking about.

1254
01:17:50,249 --> 01:17:53,127
NELSON:
<i>Your five-time
defending champion,</i>

1255
01:17:53,753 --> 01:17:55,588
<i>Beechwood Academy.</i>

1256
01:17:56,047 --> 01:17:57,674
(CROWD CHEERING)

1257
01:18:03,179 --> 01:18:04,597
(PLAYING)

1258
01:18:20,988 --> 01:18:22,990
(CROWD CHEERING)

1259
01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:27,495
(EXCLAIMING)

1260
01:18:27,578 --> 01:18:28,621
They're tight.

1261
01:18:28,705 --> 01:18:30,998
CHLOE:
Yeah, they're better
than ever this year.

1262
01:18:31,082 --> 01:18:32,542
Okay, everybody.

1263
01:18:33,042 --> 01:18:35,253
ELYSE:
It's no surprise
Beechwood is good.

1264
01:18:35,586 --> 01:18:39,132
But this year is different.
This year, we can beat them.

1265
01:18:40,091 --> 01:18:43,261
We've worked hard,
and we are good enough

1266
01:18:43,386 --> 01:18:45,930
and this is our time,
so let's win the cup.

1267
01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:48,224
ALL:
Yeah!

1268
01:19:18,212 --> 01:19:19,422
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1269
01:19:23,009 --> 01:19:24,719
NELSON:
<i>Beechwood Academy.</i>

1270
01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:28,347
<i>Their music today was composed
by senior drum major,</i>

1271
01:19:28,431 --> 01:19:30,391
<i>Brandon Vandecamp.</i>

1272
01:19:30,558 --> 01:19:32,685
Beat that. Hoo, ha.

1273
01:19:34,645 --> 01:19:38,191
NELSON: <i>East Great Falls,
you may enter the field
for competition.</i>

1274
01:19:43,279 --> 01:19:44,739
(CROWD CHEERING)

1275
01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:52,497
(GROANING)

1276
01:19:55,500 --> 01:19:58,669
ELYSE:
Band 10 hut. One, two, ready.
Shit.

1277
01:19:58,753 --> 01:20:00,338
Leesy, wait, no.

1278
01:20:00,421 --> 01:20:02,465
No. Wait.

1279
01:20:02,673 --> 01:20:04,175
(ALL VOMITING)

1280
01:20:07,929 --> 01:20:09,305
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

1281
01:20:12,892 --> 01:20:15,102
You know, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what happened.

1282
01:20:15,186 --> 01:20:17,355
Not my shoes. Here we go.

1283
01:20:17,480 --> 01:20:18,689
(COUGHING)

1284
01:20:22,193 --> 01:20:23,277
Stifler!

1285
01:20:32,036 --> 01:20:34,789
<i>(HOW TO BE DEAD</i>
BY SNOW PATROL PLAYING)

1286
01:20:40,962 --> 01:20:43,381
LEVENSTEIN:
<i>You know, you're like
your brother, Steve.</i>

1287
01:20:43,464 --> 01:20:46,259
<i>And I don't think those
are the shoes you should be
so eager to fill.</i>

1288
01:20:47,051 --> 01:20:50,137
You know, the people
Steve thought
were his friends

1289
01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:52,890
really didn't like him
very much.
What?

1290
01:20:52,974 --> 01:20:54,433
But I think you're different.

1291
01:20:54,517 --> 01:20:58,771
I think people want
to like you, Matt.
You just make it really hard.

1292
01:21:09,949 --> 01:21:11,158
BRANDON:
Hoo! Ha!

1293
01:21:11,701 --> 01:21:12,702
(LAUGHING)

1294
01:21:13,202 --> 01:21:17,081
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
When you're a loser.

1295
01:21:23,462 --> 01:21:27,717
Mr. Levenstein reports that
there were a few incidents

1296
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,135
at camp.

1297
01:21:29,635 --> 01:21:32,138
But he also says that

1298
01:21:32,263 --> 01:21:35,975
you bonded
with the band briefly.

1299
01:21:40,062 --> 01:21:44,317
When school starts,
you're going to be
on a very short leash.

1300
01:21:44,483 --> 01:21:48,279
Remember, the Shermanator
sees it all.

1301
01:21:49,989 --> 01:21:51,282
Be gone.

1302
01:21:56,162 --> 01:21:58,372
Did everybody hate my brother?

1303
01:22:07,173 --> 01:22:08,341
(SHERMAN CLEARING THROAT)

1304
01:22:09,759 --> 01:22:13,220
Stardate, August 21, 2005.

1305
01:22:13,679 --> 01:22:16,057
Some progress made
with Stiffy Junior.

1306
01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:18,935
Behavior modification evident.

1307
01:22:20,394 --> 01:22:22,188
Will continue to monitor.

1308
01:22:22,772 --> 01:22:25,024
Shermanator out.

1309
01:22:25,983 --> 01:22:28,819
<i>(FORGET IT</i>
BY BREAKING BENJAMIN PLAYING)

1310
01:22:29,362 --> 01:22:31,072
(MATT CHATTERING)

1311
01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:38,621
A little "Double-D Sheree"
action.

1312
01:22:43,209 --> 01:22:45,086
Little bit of Dr. Robot.

1313
01:22:46,921 --> 01:22:48,255
(CHUCKLING)
Crazy fucker.

1314
01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:49,715
(ALL SHOUTING)

1315
01:22:51,092 --> 01:22:52,677
(ELYSE SCREAMING)

1316
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:57,139
(MATT LAUGHING)

1317
01:23:52,570 --> 01:23:54,113
(BAND PLAYING)

1318
01:23:56,699 --> 01:23:58,034
Hey, Stifler,
where's your instrument?

1319
01:23:58,117 --> 01:23:59,326
Dude,
you're in the wrong uniform.

1320
01:23:59,410 --> 01:24:02,288
Screw them, dude.
They're gonna freak out
when they see the video.

1321
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:04,540
Look, we thought
that if we had
an advance screening,

1322
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:06,709
then everyone would see
that you're not really a dork.

1323
01:24:06,792 --> 01:24:09,211
I can't. It's gone.

1324
01:24:10,254 --> 01:24:13,424
ANDY: What?
The video, man, I deleted it.

1325
01:24:14,425 --> 01:24:15,468
Why?

1326
01:24:16,385 --> 01:24:19,055
Guess little bro's quitting
the family business.

1327
01:24:19,138 --> 01:24:20,639
Are you kidding me?

1328
01:24:24,143 --> 01:24:26,103
He went fucking
bandy on us.

1329
01:24:33,444 --> 01:24:34,945
(BELL RINGING)

1330
01:24:42,495 --> 01:24:43,996
Hey, what's up, guys?

1331
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,791
You a dead man, motherfucker.

1332
01:24:47,583 --> 01:24:49,585
You, too, little man.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1333
01:24:49,919 --> 01:24:53,798
Dude, the purple puke
was an accident.
Somebody switched the coolers.

1334
01:24:58,511 --> 01:25:00,679
Hey, that orange shit
is janky, yo.

1335
01:25:01,931 --> 01:25:06,393
Chloe, we never saw Elyse,
you know, naked.

1336
01:25:07,061 --> 01:25:09,021
Matt turned off the computer.

1337
01:25:09,897 --> 01:25:12,525
So we're just supposed
to forgive him now?

1338
01:25:13,400 --> 01:25:16,112
He's still an asshole.
You're right.

1339
01:25:17,113 --> 01:25:18,447
I am an asshole.

1340
01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:21,117
I can't take back
spying on you

1341
01:25:21,200 --> 01:25:23,577
and I can't win
that Bandy Cup thing.

1342
01:25:23,702 --> 01:25:26,580
But I can help someone
get what she deserves.

1343
01:25:27,414 --> 01:25:29,583
I'm not asking you
to forgive me.

1344
01:25:29,792 --> 01:25:32,378
Just help me help Elyse.

1345
01:25:40,469 --> 01:25:42,930
<i>(LAID</i>
BY MATT NATHANSON PLAYING)

1346
01:25:43,305 --> 01:25:44,682
ERNIE:
I got the number.

1347
01:25:44,765 --> 01:25:45,808
MATT:
Go ahead.

1348
01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:49,478
555-0171.

1349
01:25:51,397 --> 01:25:54,150
ELYSE:
He shouldn't have been dumping
Ipecac in anyone's cooler.

1350
01:25:54,233 --> 01:25:56,068
We could've won on our own.

1351
01:25:58,404 --> 01:26:02,575
I don't even care
that he saw me on camera.
Well, I mean I do, but...

1352
01:26:02,741 --> 01:26:03,742
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1353
01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:06,078
Honey, this just came for you.

1354
01:26:09,832 --> 01:26:11,292
It's from Robards.

1355
01:26:12,751 --> 01:26:14,044
What's it say?

1356
01:26:15,796 --> 01:26:18,382
Dr. Choi wants to meet
with me?

1357
01:26:36,233 --> 01:26:38,235
Okay.
Okay.

1358
01:26:38,444 --> 01:26:40,362
Okay.
Okay.

1359
01:26:42,031 --> 01:26:43,115
Bye.

1360
01:26:56,337 --> 01:26:57,630
(THUDDING)

1361
01:26:59,340 --> 01:27:01,759
Hi. Elyse Houston.

1362
01:27:03,010 --> 01:27:05,804
I have an appointment
with Dr. Choi.

1363
01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:10,476
You're not in the book.
Oh, no, there must be
some mistake. See...

1364
01:27:12,186 --> 01:27:13,562
I have a letter.

1365
01:27:13,646 --> 01:27:14,647
(CHUCKLES)

1366
01:27:19,151 --> 01:27:20,986
This letter is, well...

1367
01:27:21,737 --> 01:27:22,905
It's a fake.

1368
01:27:23,656 --> 01:27:26,617
This is not
Dr. Choi's signature.
What?

1369
01:27:33,832 --> 01:27:35,668
(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

1370
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:40,965
Stifler.

1371
01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:47,012
You son of a bitch.

1372
01:27:48,681 --> 01:27:53,018
What? It wasn't enough
for you to humiliate me
at Band Camp?

1373
01:27:53,143 --> 01:27:55,813
Now you have to
set me up here?

1374
01:27:56,981 --> 01:27:58,524
(BAND PLAYING)

1375
01:28:16,333 --> 01:28:18,043
What's going on here?

1376
01:28:19,461 --> 01:28:20,921
This is my band.

1377
01:28:21,380 --> 01:28:23,257
And that's her music.

1378
01:29:15,100 --> 01:29:16,852
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

1379
01:29:21,607 --> 01:29:22,691
Well...

1380
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:26,945
I've certainly seen
some interesting attempts
to gain admission,

1381
01:29:27,613 --> 01:29:29,281
but this is a first.

1382
01:29:30,783 --> 01:29:35,037
Excellent audition,
Miss Houston. Let's go
discuss that scholarship.

1383
01:29:35,621 --> 01:29:37,956
Um, I thought Brandon won.

1384
01:29:38,082 --> 01:29:41,377
No, Mr. Vandecamp
was disqualified
for plagiarism.

1385
01:29:41,460 --> 01:29:42,711
MATT: All right.

1386
01:29:42,795 --> 01:29:44,088
(OSCAR EXCLAIMING)

1387
01:29:44,797 --> 01:29:46,882
JIMMY:
That's what
I'm talking about, yo.

1388
01:29:51,053 --> 01:29:53,430
Oh, my God, you guys,
that was amazing.

1389
01:29:53,972 --> 01:29:58,060
Thank you so much.
Thank him. It was his idea.

1390
01:29:58,143 --> 01:29:59,144
JIMMY:
Word.

1391
01:30:01,980 --> 01:30:05,609
You planned all this?
With some friends.

1392
01:30:08,821 --> 01:30:10,155
Come here.

1393
01:30:10,614 --> 01:30:12,116
Ow.

1394
01:30:13,242 --> 01:30:17,121
Oh, I believe this is yours.

1395
01:30:18,247 --> 01:30:19,415
You know...

1396
01:30:20,124 --> 01:30:24,169
Picardo is a brand of piccolo.

1397
01:30:25,129 --> 01:30:27,464
You really are an asshole
sometimes...

1398
01:30:27,840 --> 01:30:28,924
Stiffy.

1399
01:30:30,259 --> 01:30:31,260
(CHUCKLES)

1400
01:30:33,637 --> 01:30:35,305
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

1401
01:30:35,848 --> 01:30:38,350
<i>(AEROPLANE</i>
BY TAL BACHMAN PLAYING)

1402
01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:51,196
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1403
01:33:49,875 --> 01:33:52,044
JIMMY:
<i>Man, change the channel, yo.</i>

1404
01:33:52,336 --> 01:33:55,088
<i>Hook a brother up
with some mad beats.</i>

1405
01:33:55,172 --> 01:33:56,840
OSCAR:
<i>Will you cut that out?</i>

1406
01:33:57,341 --> 01:33:59,509
<i>Your name is
James Hi Ping Chong.</i>

1407
01:33:59,635 --> 01:34:01,261
<i>Your dad owns
a Chinese restaurant.</i>

1408
01:34:01,345 --> 01:34:04,056
<i>You live in the suburbs.
You ain't never gonna
be a gangsta.</i>

1409
01:34:04,681 --> 01:34:05,724
<i>Damn!</i>

1410
01:34:08,393 --> 01:34:09,686
JIMMY: <i>That's cold, dawg.</i>