So, got the goods?
Never you fear, the pixie man is here.
(SCREAMS)
Perfect.
My kids have been begging for one of these for years.
(SCREAMING)
Uh, how do you make it stop scream--
Sorry, yo. This sale's off.
-(GRUNTS) -BOTH: Jake!
It's cool, Jakey.
We got your back. (SCREAMS)
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) Actually, it would appear
that we've got your backs, love.
Good one, Frankie.
But what's with the accent?
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Ah, just something I've been working on.
Kind of a fetching super villian thing, eh?
(LAUGHING)
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) Well done, by jove.
(LAUGHING) We should beat up on people children more often.
(BOTH YELLING)
I was just thinking the same thing about goblins.
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT) I shall have my revenge!
Ok, Frankie, enough with the accent.
Trixie, Spud, y'all ok?
We should've had those ugly runts.
Hey, don't sweat it.
Y'all were tons of help.
(SCOFFS) Help?
Yeah, right.
We're just a couple of useless sidekicks.
Uh, pump them brakes, Spud.
We got useful all up in here.
What about that time we snuck Jake out of Panderas' tower?
Right into Panderas himself.
A'ight, well,
we saved him from Rotwood.
After we sold him to Rotwood.
Oh.
Dang, we reek, yo.
That's not true!
Oh, hey! want to help me
Let the pixie out of her cage?
Yeah! Yeah, yeah!
Now you're talkin'.
Now, you have to be careful
'cause she's a little riled up.
Aw, hey, little pixie.
Aw, don't worry.
We're here for you. Ow!
Spud, watch it!
If you shake her up too much, she'll get-- Oh!
Sick.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool
He's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail
Burnin' dragon fire
Real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh. Whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Skills are gettin' faster
With grandpa, the master
His destiny will walk up sheets
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "JA"
The the "K" to the "E"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
JAKE: Easy, gramps.
We're only going for a weekend.
Luggage is like fiber.
The more we have, the more smoothly things will run.
Yo, when I was packing, you said,
"Light luggage make for light burdens."
Now you have finally learned, Jake.
For every proverb, there is an equal and opposite proverb.
Plus this way, you can carry mine.
Fu Dog, do you have all the emergency numbers I gave you?
Right here.
Whoops, wrong fold.
Don't worry about a thing.
We got it all under control.
We?
I told you you couldn't stack them 30 high!
Maybe not horizontally,
But let's try vertically!
Trixie and Spud are gonna help Fu watch the shop
While we're on the dragon retreat.
Are you sure you two are ready for this responsibility?
Hey, we may not be able to spew flames...
Or fly...
Or make lacy pillowcases with one swipe of our claws...
Uh, that was for Rose! I swear!
Careful, you'll rip it!
But I think we can handle
Watching an electronics shop for a few days.
They'll be fine, gramps.
Besides, you can't leave Fu Dog
in charge of the place alone.
Why, 'cause he's a talking dog?
FU: Uh...
I can fix it.
Uh, yes.
Don't sweat a thing. We'll be fine here.
You two just go and enjoy your trainer-student retreat.
We are totally on this.
Bring on the customers.
There are no customers, are there?
Nope.
Have you ever sold anything
to anyone... Ever?
Well, there was this one fella
who came in a few years ago,
but turns out the guy fell off a St. Patty's day float
and needed medical attention.
(SPUD HOLLERS)
Look at me! Whoo! I'm all ears.
I tasted some of this candy Fu had, and then--
Kid, be careful.
Those are incredibly powerful magic ingredients.
What does this one do?
Whoo! I'm ambi-dangerous!
Kid! What's this one do?
Yes! I'm losing my head!
Oh, what about this one? No!
Not my instant sunshine.
You never know when you might need a sunny day.
Yo, Spud,
You have really done it this time.
Kid, what'd I tell you just 5 minutes ago?
Don't touch anything.
Don't open any drawers.
And if a big toothless guy named Morty
shows up saying, "Where's the money"?
Tell him I moved to Machu Picchu. Got it?
Um... Aah!
I'm sorry.
I guess I wasn't really paying attention.
Oh! And I forgot to tell you.
A friend of yours stopped by.
Come on in, Morty!
Where's the money?
(GROANS)
Ok, how about we all just sit still and--
(CRASHING)
I'm sorry. What were you saying?
(GROANS)
Don't touch anything,
and don't talk to anyone.
I got a few hundred years worth of magical mojo to reorder.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Veronica, sweetie.
The Fu needs a delivery, honey.
Uh, right now isn't a very good time.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
The biker trolls are back in town.
They're running rampant!
Someone's got to do something!
Hey, watch it!
All right, hold tight, Veronica.
I'm on this thing.
Ok, we gotta call Jake.
Yo, hold up. What's going on?
Biker trolls. Usually harmless.
Live up in the mountains.
But, occasionally, they come into town looking for trouble.
We need the American Dragon to give them a good scare.
Um, is this a 2 or an 8?
I think it's a mole.
Uh, I thought dogs weren't supposed to sweat.
They're not supposed to talk, either, honey.
Keep up, there, would you? (GROANS)
Now what are we gonna do?
We gotta figure out a way to scare off these trolls.
Wait a minute...
See, now, dog, you're trippin'.
Yeah, we're just sidekicks.
We can't fight trolls.
We can't even fight pixies.
We can't pull off this dragon business.
After the beating we took yesterday--
Hey! if you would shut your sassy mouth for 2 seconds,
and space boy would get his head out of the clouds,
I'll explain.
These mountain trolls are real mama's boys.
And if there's one thing they're terrified of,
It's a dragon.
You aren't gonna have to fight them.
All you've got to do is show up, and they'll run, screaming.
Uh, you sure about this?
Hey, come on. Have I ever led you two astray?
The only thing better than a Tijuana hot dog
Is chasing it with cold, fresh, Mexico tap water.
(WHIMPERS) My intestines will never be the same.
Ok, so that's that.
Look, all you two need to do
is show up at the Magus Bazaar in a dragon suit,
and the trolls will go running.
They only come out at night, so it'll be just dark enough
for this costume to pass as the real thing. You got it?
Um, yeah, I guess we could handle that.
Right, Spud? Totally.
Good. Then let's get over there.
Over where? Magus Bazaar, kid.
The Magus Bazaar!
Will you pay attention, huh?
Oh, yeah, of course. I think I had an Aunt Magus once,
And she was kind of bizarre. Uh, she...
Ok, we're doomed.
Or maybe it was Aunt Angus.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Ok, you can do this.
Nice and simple-like.
Dragon up!
Yo, listen up, trolls.
Am-drag is in the hizzouse!
So y'all better just roll on out of here
before I open up a can of act right, ya heard me?
(ALL GASP)
What'd I tell you, sweetheart?
We got this thing all wrapped up.
It's show---unh!
Ooh, magic doormats!
You can wipe your feet,
and then transport to a distant locale.
Aah!
Spud, listen to me.
We're a dragon now.
Focus!
Gotcha. Let's do this.
A'ight, which one of you
wants your troll selves beaten down first?
Aah, dragon!
Oh, let's high-troll it out of there!
That's right. That's right. We the dragon, baby.
We kick troll!
You trolls better run.
You the sorriest excuse for creatures
that I have ever seen!
And don't even get me started
talkin' 'bout your mama.
What did you say about our mama?
Ok, bad move.
Uh, insulting a troll's mama
is about the worst possible thing you could do.
TROLL 1: Dragon's goin' down now.
TROLL 2: Who wants dragon for dinner?
Say your prayers, reptile.
(GROWLING)
(GASPS)
TROLL: Sun!
Take cover!
It burns! It burns!
Uh, what just happened here?
Mountain trolls turn to stone when the sun hits 'em.
Lucky for you two.
Lucky for me?
If it hadn't been for Trixie's big mouth,
we would've taken those trolls.
My big mouth?
Your big, empty head!
If you hadn't been dreaming about those magic doormat thingies,
those trolls would've been long gone.
Hey, you can fight about it later.
Right now, we gotta get back to the shop and figure out a plan
before these guys thaw out at sunset.
Hmph. Hmph.
But I'm serious about you two fighting later.
We'll rent at ring. I can sell tickets.
My money's on Trixie to scratch Spud's eyes out,
But you never know.
(ALARM RINGING)
Then again, if Spud lands a surprise punch--
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
We're closed.
GRANDPA: Fu Dog?
Uh, I mean, canal street electronics.
Never had a customer. Never made a sale.
How may I help you? Heh heh.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
What did you destroy this time?
Hey, nothing! (MUMBLES)
No, straight, it couldn't be better.
Gotta bounce. Bye-bye.
(GROANS)
Bad time to make a call, gramps.
Ok, I got some ogres in Staten Island
who owe me a few favors.
-Ogres? -Staten Island?
Yeah, well, what about me and Spud?
Look, sister, this is serious now.
You guys had your chance, and you blew it.
Come on, Fu.
We can do this.
Yeah, unless you think
we're just a couple of helpless slackers
who aren't worth a second chance.
Yeah, I gotta go with the slacker thing. Now, these ogres--
Hold it!
Hey, look here, Fu.
It was your idea we put on the dragon suit in the first place.
So I suggest you stick with the plan,
or gramps will find out that you made us do Jake's dirty work.
Ya feel me, mutt?
Ok, the Fu always carries a secret stash of magical ingredients.
Put the costume on.
If you're gonna do this, you're going in armed.
Yes! Fu Dog's gonna give us extra arms!
I'll take 8.
No, make it 17!
Not that kind of arms, kid.
A little butterfly spit-- bang.
Some essence of bat sinew-- baboom.
And one eye of newt, which does nothing,
but you gotta have newt in a potion.
You just gotta.
Huh?
Ooh!
Ok, what just happened here?
(BURPS)
Oh, snap!
As long as you're in the suit, you got dragon powers.
Not as much as Jake, but maybe enough to take out a few trolls.
We've got dragon powers?
Oh, we rock!
That's right!
I am dragon. Hear me roar!
BOTH: Whoa!
(BURPS)
Ooh, our bad.
All right.
You ready to take on some trolls?
Oh, yeah, we on this, baby!
Whatever it takes!
Ok, let's get to training.
Training? You mean, like, work?
You mean, like, now?
Yes, now!
Whoa, Fu Doggie dog.
We gotta catch some shut-eye.
Yeah, plus it's like, Saturday.
I got a full agenda
of chilling, hanging out, and loitering planned.
Well, Jake always manages to balance
sleep, chilling, and dragon training.
-Yeah, but... -Yeah...
-Aw, man. -Aw, man.
FU: Ok, let's start with tail moves.
The costume is bewitched to move
when Spud moves his, uh, tail area.
Wow! Ha!
That's some motion in my posterior ocean.
Ok, but the trick is learning to control it.
Ok, come on. Knock me down.
Give it a good swish.
Hyah!
Come on. Give me your best shot.
You a dragon or a-- doh!
Whoa!
That's some left hook you got there.
Aerial maneuvers.
It's one thing to fly. It's another to own the sky.
Now flap!
Flap, flap, flap, flap!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Yay, we flyin' now!
Whoo-hoo! I can see my house from here.
That's how it's done.
You guys are really getting the hang of this here.
SPUD: Barrel roll!
Kid, no!
You got cargo!
Aah!
Ow.
Fireball training.
Ready?
Yo, dog, we was born ready.
Me and Spud are so on top of this thing,
We gettin' short on oxygen up here.
Ok.
Dragon fire.
On 3.
2, 1...
(BURPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Yo, Spudinski,
the dragon head is the end that breathes fire!
You gotta pay attention, dude!
Well, you said me and Spud, meaning me.
Well, I was just sayin'.
Well, you're always saying something, now, aren't you?
(FU GRUNTING)
Yeah! Yeah, baby!
We got the tail moves down!
Whoo!
Ok, this is the part where you put it all together.
I've taken the liberty of drawing up my will,
so as soon as I get this thing notarized--
Hey!
Ooh...
(BOTH HOLLERING)
Holy biscuits, you kids really got the hang of this thing!
You're awesome!
You're great!
(ALL SHOUTING)
(FU GROANS)
You're crushing me with blocks of pain.
Yeah, we're still working on the landing. Uh...
Well, you're gonna have to work on it at Magus Bazaar,
because it's show time.
(GROWLS)
Oh, darn pigeons!
That was my favorite shirt.
Man, I hate it when that happens.
I know what you mean, trolls.
(EXCLAIMS)
(TROLL SCREAMING)
Yeah, I taught 'em everything they know.
(TROLLS SCREAMING)
Yeah, that's right.
We gettin' dragon with it now.
Old school. Nice.
-Hey! -Hey!
-Oof!
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Hyah!
Whoo-hoo!
This stuff rocks!
We are kicking some serious troll business.
Uh, Trix,
speaking of serious troll business...
It's mama.
BOTH: Mama's coming.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
(ROARS)
Is this all you got for mama?
Sweet sister molasses,
your mama's even uglier than I thought.
Aah!
I don't think that's gonna help.
Yeah, ok, you're right.
You ready to do this?
All for one!
And one for all!
(GROWLING)
Which one of you two insulted mama?
-He did. -She did.
(GROWLING)
Abort! Abort!
Let's get out of here!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Magic door mats!
Let's glide!
Hey!
FU: put it on my tab.
You haven't paid your tab since '96!
Morty!
Where's the money?
Get 'em!
(ENGINES ROARING)
BOTH: Whoa!
SPUD: Excuse me. Pardon me.
FU: Hey, I'm flyin' here!
(GROWLS)
(GROWLING)
(MUMBLING)
(SCREAMS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
TRIXIE: Are they gone?
FU: No!
FU: Barricade the door.
Get in the back room.
We got enough food and water to survive for days.
Luckily, you kids knocked over all those snack carts.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Canal street electronics.
Never had a customer.
Never had a sale.
How may I help you?
-Trixie? -Live and in person, baby.
What's shakin', Jakey?
Not much. I just called to see how it's going.
Gramps said you sounded a little weird before.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Uh, weird? Who's weird?
We're not weird. Nobody's weird.
Everything's running slicker than grease, baby boy.
(SLAMS)
MAMA TROLL: Here comes mama!
Boys, take this place apart!
Whoa!
(CRASHES)
Yo, what's that noise?
Oh, that?
Uh, that's just Spud's stomach grumbling.
Yeah, you know how homeboy can't handle his cheesecake.
(ENGINE ROARING)
Uh, yeah, well, gotta run.
Bye-bye, babe.
(GRUNTS)
GRANDPA: Bad time to make a phone call.
(SCREAMING)
Ahh. Ok, now quick.
Magic B.I. So we can fight these trolls!
Eh, I'm all out of magic B.I., remember?
(SIGHS)
I miss my third arm.
Come on, Spud. Let's take these guys.
We can't do it!
We're not dragon enough!
We're just sidekicks!
Well, then we're just gonna have to show mama
exactly what these sidekicks is made of.
Here's mama!
Whaa!
Yikes!
Dragon powers or not,
You trolls are about to get the business.
(YELLS)
Smile, mama.
(GRUNTING, SHOUTING)
You trolls are toast!
Ow. Whoa!
(GRUNTING)
Hey, yo, Spud,
Toss me some more cds!
Whoo! Wow, I wonder what this one does.
Kid, no! What did I tell you
about getting into my stuff?
That's my last...
Instant sunshine!
(MAMA GROANING)
Mama!
Mama, talk to us!
Hey, look here. Your mama ain't the only one
who'll be taking a trip down Stonybrook Lane
if you uggos don't pack up your bad selves
and get the heck out.
That's what you get for messing with us.
Yo mama is so turned to stone that--
That's probably enough.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(CRASHES)
We did it!
Yeah, we did it, baby!
But that was all you, Spud.
All not paying attention,
accidentally pulling out the instant sunshine...
No way, it was you.
Chasing the trolls off with your big, fat mouth.
Ha ha ha! Yeah!
-Whoo! -All right!
And, as usual, the talking dog gets no credit whatsoever.
You think gramps will notice
all the missing inventory that we broke?
You kidding?
I've been pawning this stuff for kibble since '83.
That old man hasn't checked the inventory for-- hey!
How was the retreat?
Surprisingly painful.
How was your weekend?
Mmm, the usual.
Pretty mellow. Just updating the books real quick.
Turns out mountain trolls are now scared of two things.
Dragons, and Trixie and Spud.
Nah, it was nothing.
Just some good, old-fashioned sidekick whoopin'.
Well, I'm just glad
that everything turned out ok
while we were-- Ahh! (GRUNTS)
Why are there motorcycle tracks on my ceiling?
BOTH: Aw, man.