So, Mr. Long, care to explain today's incident?
Principal Desetto, I was all chilling in class,
and out of nowhere, Rotwood's all--
Yo, yo, yo, report to the principal's office.
For like no reason.
Is she buying it? All I can hear is... (MUMBLING)
Yo, Spud, where's your glass at?
-I told you to press it to your ear. -It is.
No, boy. Your ear.
-It is! -That is your rear.
It is!
So, Jake, if what you say is true--
Whoa! whoa!
Then I must assume the images caught by the school's
state-of-the-art security system are some sort of illusion.
Ahh, say what?
My grades, they be slipping, but Rotwood, he be tripping and
Yo, you know, it's over, just look at his hair comb-over
Yo, yo, yo, yo-yo
Hey, yo-yo, here's your yo.
Jake Long, report to the principal's office.
So how many days of detention we talking? 2? 3?
No detention. I think you might benefit from a little assignment.
A 15-page essay describing your real-life role model.
Yo, Desetto is trippin' hard, dude.
Like some essay's gonna teach me a lesson
about respecting my authority figures.
(SIGHS) Man, this day could not get any worse.
My loyal servant.
I've been watching the American Dragon grow more powerful by the day,
just like his master before him.
Tonight, they will both be ours.
(MENACING LAUGHTER)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast, he's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Break out with the dragon
Skills are gettin' faster
With grandpa, the master
His destiny will walk up sheets
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
from the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
So Jakey, who you gonna write about
as your role model, dude?
'Cause you know, I'm open for interviews
this evening between 6:00 and say 6:15.
Come on, Trix, everyone knows I'm Jake's role model.
Who else can floss their sinus cavity with spaghetti?
Uhh, stop, boy!
Hey, what about your Gramps?
Maybe you should write your paper on him.
My Gramps. Really?
Yeah, not a bad idea. I dig his yin and his yang.
His yin, he's wise and magical.
Yang, he needs a booster seat when he eats at restaurants.
He's so cute.
Well, G's cool and all,
but he's just so...
Jake, where have you been? I told you to clean up the shop.
Yo, G, chill. This place is so spotless,
you could eat off the counter.
Which I did about a month ago.
Tikamasala from Murry's House of Curries.
-Mmm. -Uhh!
Whoa!
See, clean as a whistle.
Aw, man.
Jake, there is no time for horseplay.
The shop must be in tip-top shape when Counselor Chang arrives.
Chang. Her royal pain-ness is coming here? Tonight?
Seems she's got some hot tip on the dark dragon.
Chang will be here any minute, and we must all make a good impression.
Did you give Fu Dog his flea bath like I asked?
Uhh, yeah. Tsk, of course I did.
Sorry, Fu. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Kid, no. Don't even think about it.
Besides, this puppy is 100% flea-free.
Hey, Frank, how was your trip down south?
Well, the rent's dirt cheap, but you pay for it in other ways--
If you get my drift. Ohh.
Trust me, it'll just take 2 seconds,
and--whoa! Ohh, ohh, ohh! ahh.
Aah! Whoa!
I ask you, where's the dignity?
(MUTTERING)
(JABBERING)
-Jake! -Look on the bright side, G,
At least Chang isn't here yet.
Hey, Chang.
Waz up?
Our mission, Lao Shi, is simple. My source has informed us that a troll,
living in the nearby sewers,
has had a recent contact with the dark dragon.
I know that tunnel. It's right under my school.
I use it all the time to sneak out of Rotwood's...
Uh, are you doing something new with your hair?
The 3 of us must get answers from this troll before he runs.
Tsk, that's what I'm saying.
Wah, ooh, ooh.
Well, what's that, dark dragon? You want some of this?
Well, good luck, 'cause freaky can't touch the pretty.
(SPEAKING CHINESE)
You must stay and clean up the mess you have made.
What? No way, Gramps.
I faced the dark dragon and survived, just like you.
I'm going.
Jake, you will not question your dragon master.
-Come, counselor. -But, aye, very well, Lao Shi.
That's it, Fu. I've had it with Gramps.
I could take on the dark dragon all by myself if I wanted to.
-Aah! -You know who you sound like, kid?
Gramps, back when I first met him.
Yeah, right. G was born old.
Follow me. I think it's time you learned a little bit more about the old man.
Let's see, where... Ah, bingo.
Magical journals.
Every official animal guardian has 'em.
It's our job to keep detailed accounts of all our missions...
And to master "Old Macdonald" on the nose flute.
(PLAYS "OLD MACDONALD")
Hey. What's in this one?
Kid, don't!
That's one of my, ah, heh heh...
Personal journals. Heh heh.
I'll just keep that handy for later.
Aha! here we go.
Picture it, kid. Hong Kong, 1972.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's just say it wasn't a time of my life I'm exactly proud of.
Well, hey there, sister, I'll be your mister
Cast aside those other men
'Cause this canine's more like a 10
Mmm, how ya doing? You from out of town?
I'm here all week. Try the veal.
Heh heh heh heh.
What's this?
Hey, there, ladies
straight from Hades
Look at me, I'm quite the catch
Throw me a bone, and I'll go fetch
Oh, boy.
Hey, you stealin' from these nice womens?
Hey, hey, it-- it's not what it looks like. Heh heh heh.
Ok, it is, but please don't hurt me.
Don't worry. It ain't my job to hurt you. It's his!
Wah! Wazza! Whoo! Hyah!
So which one of you groovy babies called for a dragon, huh?
Hyah!
Dang, Fu, Gramps really used to dress that wack?
Wack? Kid, he was the mack-dizaddy of his day.
Who was the mack-dizaddy of his day?
Fu Dog was just telling me about grandpa.
Can we listen? Huh, can we? Please say yes. Please.
Sure. Just sit back, relax, and listen
to a great tale told by a master storyteller.
So any-who, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. Hong Kong, 1972.
Gramps was new on the scene.
And, just like Jake, he thought he could
take on the world all by himself.
He was as cocky as they come.
Ooh.
Whoa. Patience, pretty mamas.
Before it can be just us,
Lao Shi must dispense some justice!
Ha ha ha! Yo!
Are you ready to get groove-a-delick?
The name's Fu Dog.
And it's your groove that's about to get delicked.
That sounded so much better in my head.
(BOTH VOCALIZING)
(VOCALIZING CONTINUES)
Whoa. Hold up. That cannot be how it went down.
Yeah, dawg man, since when were you the Kung Fu master? Ow.
So I'm embellishing a little. Sue me.
Truth is, Gramps had me in 2 moves.
Boo!
FU: Ok. One move.
(SOBBING) Please, don't hurt me.
I got a wife at home and kids.
It's-- Ok, I don't have a wife and kids or even a home, I'm up to my neck folds
in gambling debts and I don't know what else to do.
Whaa! Hold that thought. Ladies, hands in the air.
(WOMEN YELLING)
Please, pick me!
My hero!
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, yeah. Boogie, baby.
Dance, babies. Dance. Whoa-ha!
Whoo! I like your style, dragon.
Say, maybe you're just the guy to pull me out of this life of crime.
You looking for an animal guardian by any chance?
Ah, no chance, man. Lao Shi works alone.
Come on, think about it.
I'm great with the one-liners,
I got funny stretchy fur. See?
And when it comes to magical potions,
I'm the guy who supplies. Huh? Aah!
(FROG CROAKS)
Ribbit.
See? I got sidekick written all over me.
Sorry, groovy baby, but I-I-I-I-I-I-I!
FU: that's when the old man first laid eyes
on Counselor Chang.
Ah, but that's another story for another day.
Point is, you and the old man ain't so different.
-Come on, fool! -Yeah, we want to hear!
Don't leave us hangin', dawg.
Ok, kid, but after this, You got to go back to cleaning.
You think Chang and the old man are hanging out
in the sewers right now, chatting about the old days?
Lao Shi, it has been a long time.
We have been through much together.
Heh heh heh. Indeed, we have.
Yet, I remember the day we met
as if it were yesterday.
Whoo! Somebody call heaven because the gods are missing an angel.
Is there an airport nearby Or is that just my heart taking off?
If I could rearrange the alphabet,
I would put "u" and "i" together.
If you were words on a page,
they'd call you fine print.
Whoa, Fu! Chang and Gramps?
Gettin' all up in each other's grills?
Blech! The whole thing made me sick just listening to it.
Call you fine print...
Ooh! keep 'em coming, guys.
These lines are pure gold! Heh heh heh!
Guys?
But as I remember, our meeting was not a coincidence.
That is correct. I came seeking your help.
So, do you have a map, because I got lost in--
My eyes. Yeah, heard it.
Listen, the world dragon councilor believes the dark dragon has returned.
We need you to locate him before he destroys humanity.
Dang, baby cakes.
You sure know how to kill a mood.
He's been spotted here in Hong Kong.
But so far, our sources have turned up nothing.
Don't sweat it, sunshine. Me and dragon man are on the case.
This is great snack mix, by the way.
First of all, that's kitty litter.
Second of all, you followed us home?
Hey, I'm a dog. It's the leash I could do. Hacha!
See pops, a witty one-liner.
And look how funny my fur is.
I'm a pony.
I'm a clown.
I'm a pretty princess.
And have I mentioned I'm house broken?
Well, almost house broken.
Clean up, aisle your bed.
Hacha!
Point is, I couldn't be a more perfect sidekick.
So what do you say, huh? Can I help, huh? Can I?
Uh-uh-uh, sorry, freaky folds dude.
No friends, no family, no sidekick.
This dragon does not need nobody's help. Uhh.
So, after I peeled Gramps off the billboard...
I agreed to let Fu Dog accompany us for that mission and that mission only.
Ah, yes. As I remember, he led us
to someone who had spotted the dark dragon.
GRNDPA: Johnny Wong. The best dancer in Hong Kong.
Hyah. Spill what you know about the dark dragon,
or face Lao Shi's fist of Kung Fu fury.
(VOCALIZING)
Don't flip your wig, cat.
I'm not telling you anything.
Besides, the dance floor isn't for fighting,
It's for grooving. Uhh, yeah, look at that. See how I do that?
Ok, boy, then we're gonna settle this with a little grooving contest.
I win, you spill the beans about the dark dragon, you dig?
Oh, I dig.
Uh, Lao, I don't think this is such a good--
Idea.
Yeah, hey, watch me dance, huh. Dig me.
Dig my dancin'.
Yeah, ohh! so many legs.
Huh?
Whoo. Wow.
(ALL CHATTERING)
Look, pops,
There's no shame in backing out if you--
Put on your shades, baby dog.
Because lucky Lao Shi is about to light up the dance floor.
Hyah!
JAKE: Light up the dance floor?
-Gramps? -Gramps, Gramps?
Gramps, Gramps, Gramps, Gramps?
Wait, Gramps infinity! I win!
Sorry, I thought we were doing a thing.
Not only did Gramps light up the dance floor, kid,
he put Johnny to shame.
Hyah!
I'm gonna do the thing and do that thing.
Hyah!
Shake it like you are never going to break it.
Lao Shi does the righteous moves.
Hyah!
(RIPPING)
Whoo-hoo! whoo!
(ALL CHATTERING)
Round 2, this time with partners.
-You're on. -Fu Dog, man, what are you doing?
Saving your dragon hide,
now get that tail of yours ready 'cause it's time to shake it.
Oof!
Aah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Ok, boy, for our finale,
a little something I call the Lao Shi lift-off.
Yeow!
(GROANING)
(CHEERING)
We have a winner.
Aah! Oof!
No, 2 winners, boy.
Lao Shi and his new sidekick, the Fu Dog.
JAKE: So that Johnny Wong dude told you
where the dark dragon was hiding?
FU DOG: Yeah, he spotted the dark dragon on the Queen Elizabeth,
a rusted out, half-sunken ocean liner in the Hong Kong harbor.
Chang: He must be here somewhere.
Maybe we should split up.
Groovy idea, my little dim sum.
I'll take the stern, you take the cargo hold.
Uh, why don't you take the cargo hold?
Ok, whatever floats your boat, baby cakes.
Come on, Fu Dog.
(LAUGHING)
Chinese dragon, I've been expecting you.
FU DOG: It was obviously a trap.
(ROARING)
FU DOG: Gramps and the dark dragon fought like I'd never seen.
But before I could help, someone ambushed me from behind.
I went down like a sack of potatoes
and didn't wake up till the next morning.
Come on, dark dragon, let's rumble.
Ooh, wait, where am I?
Did I cross over?
(SNIFFING) Why does heaven smell like fish guts?
FU DOG: Turns out, Gramps had defeated him.
You should be proud, Lao Shi.
No one other than you has had the power
to face the dark dragon and survive,
except for your pupil.
I survived councilor, but at a price.
See, the fight Changed him.
From then on, the old man was different.
Serious, more like he is today.
So, Gramps is the way he is because of the dark dragon?
I'm just glad Chang's with him now.
I don't know if he's still got the strength
to face the dark dragon all by himself.
You and your pupil are both very powerful, Lao Shi.
Too powerful. That is why I betrayed you then,
as I do now.
Whoa!
(YELLING)
Ha ha ha.
One down, one to go.
Hey, yo, Jake. I told you your old man was off the chain.
And to think, he'd totally be different
if that Chang lady had checked the cargo area instead of him.
Yo, Fu.
Hey, give a dog a little privacy, will ya, huh?
Ok, now. It was Chang who was the one who told you guys
to go into the cargo hold, right?
What if it was her plan all along to lead you to the dark dragon?
No way, kid.
That means she's workin' for the dark dragon
and that would also mean--
She's trying the same thing 30 years later.
Only in the sewer!
Gramps! Gramps!
Gramps infinity!
Blech. Have I mentioned how much I hate the sewer?
Uh, isn't this where you meet most of your dates?
Hey, I resent that!
But yeah, pretty much.
-Ohh. -Grandpa!
Jake... Must leave! it is a trap.
A trap which appears to have worked.
Hey, scales for brains, just 'cause I fainted the last time we met
doesn't mean I'm some helpless little...
(MUMBLING)
Ok, so everybody knows the dark dragon is one twisted dude.
But what about you, Chang?
I thought you cared about magical creatures.
I do. Magical creatures once ruled the earth,
until humans forced us into hiding.
Together we shall create an army of magical creatures.
An army which shall overthrow the humans
so we can take back our rightful place as rulers of the earth.
You have a choice, American Dragon .
Join us or be slain.
Gee, thanks so much for the offer, guys, really.
But I choose neither. See, I've got an army of my own.
(CHATTERING)
Magical and human.
And we get along just fine.
Uh, yeah, except sometimes
Trixie hogs the half pipe.
Zip the lip, doughboy.
-Ok. -Ha ha ha.
How very amusing.
Shades, seize them!
Dragon up.
Ok, guys. Just like we planned.
Tooth fairy, now!
Abracadabra.
(GROWLING)
Aah!
Why hello, evil shade thingies.
Welcome to Veronica's World Wide Web.
Stick around.
(GRUNTING)
Come on, Gramps. We're getting you out of here.
Unless I stop you.
Or unless me and Spud stop you from stopping him.
Unless you can stop us from stopping you stop him.
Wait, will someone tell me what I'm saying?
Please, you're nothing but inferior humans.
See, that's the thing, home slice.
We humans are tricked out with some of Fu Dog's serious magical mojo.
-What? -Yeah, now taste our sneakers.
BOTH: Yeah!
Hyah!
Tara, Ssara, follow me.
Aah!
Hey, yo, check.
Hands up, baby.
No!
Yeah! That's right. Uh-huh.
We bad, we bad.
-You're going to prison. -Where you'll meet lots of nice ladies
with common interests and generic haircuts.
Yoo-hoo. Excuse me, Mr. Mean Gene.
If you surrender, I'll give you a free toothbrush.
Rah!
Aah! Oh! Crum!
A stain on my la la lovely dress.
Prepare to taste fairy dust, dirtball!
Master, they're escaping.
(GRUNTING)
Guys, this way.
Yo, G. You'll be safe up here.
Rah!
American Dragon !
You think you can escape me so easily?
Right, what was I thinking?
Yo, give me your best shot.
Rah!
Oof.
He's gonna swing left.
Right, duck, jump!
Oracles, very resourceful.
But you're still no match for me.
It's time to end this.
Really? I was thinking it was time for a little Lao Shi lift-off.
Guys! now!
Aah!
Oof.
And this is for the dress.
What! Aah!
Yo, is he gone?
Yeah, for now.
(CHEERING)
You did it, young dragon.
Gramps, please.
I could have never taken on the dark dragon alone.
It was Trixie, Spud, Fu--
Hey, anybody see Fu?
Come on, dark dragon, let's rumble.
Wait, where'd everybody go?
Ahh, not again.
JAKE: I owe a lot to a lot of people in my life,
especially my friends and family.
But everything I've accomplished this year
I owe to my real life role model...
Grandpa.
This is an excellent paper, Jake.
You seem to have earned a great respect for your grandfather.
Believe that.
Starting today, things are gonna Change. Ha!
Even things between me and professor Rotwood.
Well, holla.
(SCREAMING)
ROTWELL: This is a very long staircase.
(SCREAMING)
(CAT SCREECHES)
ROTWOOD: Jake Long, to the principal's office, now!
Aw, man.