1
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,549
FU: Okay, that cable goes there,
the antenna goes there,
2
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,843
And... What? Not again!
3
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:13,055
Ah! I can never get the magic channel
on this stupid thing.
4
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,098
Here, hold this.
5
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,434
Fu, I'm trying to do my... Ow!
6
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,685
...homework.
7
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,229
Yeah, yeah. Priorities, kid.
8
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:23,065
They're doin' a segment
on the Miss Magical World beauty pageant.
9
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:33,992
Okay, now, perfect. Don't move.
10
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,581
Whoo whee!
Now there's some fine-lookin' lassies.
11
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:41,917
(HOWLS)
12
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,503
JAKE: You know, call me old school
13
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:47,631
but a fine-looking lassie
should only have one head.
14
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,383
Yeah, yeah. You're blockin' my view.
15
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,926
Big women, big dreams.
16
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,970
Who will Mr. Pandarus choose?
17
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,682
Eli! Eli! Eli! Eli!
18
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,350
Wait. Eli Pandarus?
19
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,979
Yeah, he's sponsoring the pageant.
Holding it on his private island. Ooh.
20
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,272
Uh, reality check.
21
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,607
Eli Pandarus...
Lying, cheating evil wizard.
22
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:06,692
Ring any bells?
23
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,987
All I know is the guy who organized
the first magical beauty pageant
24
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,614
can't be all bad. (HOWLS)
25
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,157
KARA: Think again, genius.
26
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,243
FU: Hey, the Oracle twins.
27
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,328
Hi. We had a vision of the pageant.
28
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,080
Pandarus is up to something.
29
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,541
Something unspeakably horrible.
30
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,209
Whoa, whoa, oh!
31
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,878
Oh, and Jake's gonna fall.
32
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:27,588
Aw, man.
33
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,467
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
34
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,846
♪ He's young and fast
He's the chosen one ♪
35
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,849
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
36
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,686
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
37
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,356
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power ♪
38
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,443
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
39
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,069
♪ A real live wire ♪
40
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,779
♪ American Dragon ♪
41
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,489
JAKE: Dragon up!
42
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:55,991
♪ American Dragon ♪
43
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,452
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
44
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,956
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
45
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,458
Break it down with the dragon.
46
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,293
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
47
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,794
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
48
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,213
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
49
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,298
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
50
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,591
♪ American Dragon ♪
51
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,886
♪ From the "J" to the "A"
to the "K" to the "E" ♪
52
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,139
♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
53
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,807
Ya heard?
54
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,143
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
55
00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,270
Aw, man.
56
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,907
Fu Dog! Have you been messing
with the antenna again?
57
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,200
No. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
58
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,785
-Of course not.
-(GRUNTS)
59
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,745
SARA: Ooh, look at those heels.
60
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,831
She's gonna have a tough time
running for her life in those.
61
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:48,001
Look, I can figure out
what Pandarus is up to. No sweat.
62
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,379
But since you guys
are hooked up with future on demand,
63
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,964
why don't you just save me the trouble?
64
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:55,092
Ugh! It's not that easy.
We know something bad's gonna happen.
65
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,052
But we don't know what or how.
66
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,345
It's not an exact science.
67
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,764
Enough! We must go to Pandarus Island.
68
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,308
Yo, G, his island is sealed up tight,
69
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,936
and I'm guessing his mortal enemies
aren't on the guest list.
70
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,063
Unless, of course,
he's having a mortal enemy party
71
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,148
which I seriously doubt,
and if he is, then...
72
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,609
Enough! We must go to Pandarus Island.
73
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,362
We are not allowed onto the island.
But pretty girls are.
74
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,614
Now there's a face
that could launch 1,000 ships.
75
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,700
Or just one headed
for Pandarus Island. Heh.
76
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,410
This is what I call a mission. Hoo hoo!
77
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:24,621
Fu Dog, I haven't seen you
in a gnome's age.
78
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,335
Jake, buddy,
You remember V-V-Veronica.
79
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:33,881
Uh, I don't know. Fu, I'm sorry.
I just don't remember...
80
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,090
W-whoa!
81
00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,092
Yeah, that rings a bell.
82
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:40,137
Veronica will enter the pageant
as Miss Magical New York City,
83
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,891
and we will be traveling incognito
as her stylists.
84
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:47,769
How about a little game of footsie
before we save the world? (LAUGHS)
85
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,855
Oh, you.
86
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,074
Ugh! That gargoyle is wearing my dress.
87
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:02,868
Can someone powder my noses?
88
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,119
Amia, where's my tutu?
89
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,496
I like samples.
90
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:12,794
Veronica and I will check in.
You two learn the ways of your enemy.
91
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,630
Let's see. Four guards, two exits...
92
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,424
And 100 chances for love, sweet love.
93
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,052
(HOWLS, PANTS)
94
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,930
Fu, take it easy!
I'm gonna go check out the stage.
95
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,224
Great. I'm gonna go check out
Miss Bermuda Triangle.
96
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:29,228
And buddy, if I come up missin',
don't send a search party. (CACKLES)
97
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,230
Sheila! Good to see ya again.
98
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,107
Hey, how about later you and me
take a little ride around the ring,
99
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,443
if you know what I mean?
(CACKLES) Giddy up!
100
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:37,819
Huh!
101
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,656
Ooh, doggy,
we got a live one here.
102
00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:42,741
Hey, there, Iris.
Long time no see.
103
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,868
How about makin' me
your pupil for the day?
104
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,370
Get it, pupil?
105
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,663
(CACKLES)
106
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:53,001
I see you, you, you, and me
getting to know each other better
107
00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,087
over a romantic bowl of kibble.
108
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,797
-(GROWLS)
-Whoa, ladies, don't bite.
109
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,549
There's enough of the Fu to go around.
110
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:00,634
There you are.
111
00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,138
Yo, Fu, you can't go around
treatin' women like this.
112
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,765
You gotta have a little class.
113
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,934
Hey, they're the ones
who put themselves on display, kid.
114
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:13,564
I'm just enjoyin' the view. (HOWLS, PANTS)
115
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,900
Hey, Kara, wanna shake
those things my way? Ow!
116
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,486
Your wings!
I was talkin' about your wings, not the...
117
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,613
Ah, what do you expect
from a ditzy dame?
118
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:23,657
(APPLAUSE)
119
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,200
Ladies and gentlemen,
120
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:27,578
monsters and magicians,
121
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,455
Monty Hall here,
welcoming you to Eli Pandarus'
122
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,291
Miss Magical World beauty pageant,
123
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,961
where we'll find out once and for all
who is the fairest of them all.
124
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,922
Honey, you got a little hay
stuck to your hoof there.
125
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,758
Oh, oh, how embarrassing.
126
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,510
Now let's say hello to our judges.
127
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:44,761
The Tooth Fairy...
128
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,722
(CHUCKLING)
129
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,682
-Jack Frost...
-(SHIVERS)
130
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,602
And our third celebrity judge,
you know him, you love him.
131
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,563
Ho ho ho. Yeah.
Sorry I'm late, okay?
132
00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,899
The north wind was blowin' up a storm,
you know?
133
00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,277
Don't even get me started
about parkin' around this place, okay?
134
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,988
And our host with the most...
The most money, that is.
135
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,408
...the richest magical man on Earth,
Eli Pandarus.
136
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,410
(APPLAUSE)
137
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,746
Now remember,
according to the pageant rules,
138
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,665
if you're eliminated from the contest,
you are kicked off the island.
139
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,959
So stay pretty,
and you'll stay in the game.
140
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,836
All right, now.
Let's meet our contestants.
141
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,171
Miss Atlantis.
142
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:23,258
She likes whirlpools, raw eel
and flips for handsome human princes.
143
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,472
Right. More hair.
144
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,640
Miss Hades.
145
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,476
She loves the color red,
the smell of brimstone and deviled ham.
146
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,603
She can have my soul any day.
147
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,396
JAKE: Fu, some help here?
148
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,481
Yeah, sure, but...
149
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,690
MONTY: Who would want to ring her bell?
150
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,361
-How do I look?
-(WOLF WHISTLE)
151
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,488
Trust me, honey,
with your gams and those heels,
152
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,824
the other girls don't stand a chance.
(HOWLS)
153
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,328
Steady. Steady. Poise.
154
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,580
Confiden... (SCREAMS) Ow!
155
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,249
-What is it?
-My leg.
156
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,959
Well, that narrows it down.
157
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,377
Places.
158
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,213
Veronica. Oh, you okay, doll?
Can you get up?
159
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,050
But she's next.
Yo, G, what are we gonna do?
160
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,136
Did you know in Chinese opera
women were played by men?
161
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,429
That's very enlightening, pops.
162
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:12,140
But what's it got to do with
the price of tea in China? Aah!
163
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,644
And now, Miss Magical New York City!
164
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:17,938
(GRUNTS)
165
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:20,023
(APPLAUSE, CAMERAS CLICK)
166
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,109
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello, boys.
167
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:30,033
I'm a 600-year-old Shar-Pei.
I got wrinkles on my wrinkles.
168
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,618
I'll never pull this off.
169
00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:34,705
-Come on, Fu. Just go with it.
-Yeah, that's easy for you to say.
170
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,707
You're not the one
squeezed into a size six.
171
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,626
And what does a dog have to do around here
to get some pumps that fit?
172
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,336
I need all contestants
in the dressing room, please.
173
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,338
You think this is easy
prancin' around like some...
174
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:45,299
Did you say d-d-dressing room?
175
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,804
You know, on second thought,
I think I'm just the dog for this gig.
176
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,308
Hello, girls. Fuella has arrived.
177
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,395
Don't worry, beautiful.
178
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,523
I'll get you the best medical attention
that money can buy.
179
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,984
As long as it's off the island.
180
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,320
Hey!
181
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,072
Hmm. Something about you seems familiar.
182
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,490
Do I know you?
183
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,534
I did... your hair
184
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,953
when you taped
Good Magical Morning New York.
185
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:18,832
You know, you could really use
a good zhushing. Whoa!
186
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:21,001
Don't forget to condition!
Trim those sideburns!
187
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,295
-Skip a day of shampooing, and...
-Enough!
188
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:27,466
So what say we girls start a sorority
and have a pillow fight? Who's in?
189
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:32,596
-Oops! Hee hee hee hee.
-Ahem!
190
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,516
Susie, um, this is my stylist, Sven.
191
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:39,102
Eek! Split ends!
192
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,730
(GASPS) No!
193
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,815
Fu, this isn't the time for pillow fights.
194
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:45,025
Bite your tongue!
195
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,568
Remember what Monty Hall said?
196
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:49,530
If you're eliminated from the competition,
we're outta here.
197
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,657
You mean,
I actually gotta try and win this thing?
198
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,785
Well, just try and stay alive
in the contest
199
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,162
until we can figure out
what Pandarus is up to.
200
00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,997
I'm on it. You can trust Fu.
201
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:01,875
From now on, my one and only focus
will be stayin' in the game.
202
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,544
No more distractions.
203
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:04,920
You're my dog.
204
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,755
Fuella, can you zip up my dress?
205
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:08,465
What are bestest girlfriends for?
206
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:11,426
(HOWLS)
I'll be right there. Hee hee hee hee.
207
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:14,596
Sorry. Fuella's got a date
with beauty boot camp.
208
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:15,973
(SNICKERS)
209
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:19,309
Facelift? I thought you meant face drop.
210
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,519
Face drop?
211
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,605
Yeah, man.
These wrinkles are my calling card.
212
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,024
I was thinkin' I could use
a few more around the neck here
213
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:31,488
like...like this. Whoo!
Can't touch that. (SIZZLES)
214
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,618
Just take it easy... (SCREAMS)
215
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,495
Work it. Work it.
216
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,415
Turn to your left, ladies,
and turn to your right.
217
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,499
(YELPS)
218
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,918
Whoo! Well, no pain, no gain, right?
219
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,753
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
220
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,549
Oh! Everything hurts.
221
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,050
Yo, G, it's sundown.
222
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,928
Time for a little dragon recon, ya heard?
223
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,263
Yes, it is time.
224
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,806
Whoo hoo! Come on, Fu,
225
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,475
let's go put the pain in Pain-darus.
226
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:04,938
No can do. Aphrodite Magazine
says beauty sleep is essential.
227
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:08,066
I got 600 years of bags under my eyes
to sleep off.
228
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,448
It's gotta be Pandarus' crib.
229
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,117
Looks to me like it's dragon time.
230
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,911
(GRUNTS)
231
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,956
Is everything ready?
232
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,043
The secret altar is under the stage
just like you asked.
233
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,588
This time tomorrow, I shall be
the most powerful wizard in the land.
234
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,466
And I'll be the most powerful
game show host in the land. (LAUGHS)
235
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,177
Deal with that, Trebek.
236
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,721
(BOTH GROAN)
237
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:42,100
-Oh!
-Jake! Look out!
238
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,687
Whoa!
239
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:46,855
-Hey!
-What's that?
240
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:47,981
(BOTH GRUNT)
241
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,735
Don't worry about me, Gramps.
I'm on top of it.
242
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,028
Not all of it!
243
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,446
Over here!
244
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,074
Sorry, dudes. Gotta fly.
245
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,327
What is that dragon doing here?
246
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,745
Want me to take him out for ya?
247
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,039
Monty's got a big bowl of pain
behind door number three.
248
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,875
Never mind.
I'm one night away from absolute power.
249
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,919
Nothing, not even the American Dragon
250
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,338
-is going to stop me.
-(GLASS BREAKS)
251
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,423
Whoa! Ow! Ooh!
252
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:15,926
(GRUNTS)
253
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,971
Fu, wake up, dude.
254
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,723
(SNORING) I'm the prettiest.
No, I'm the prettiest.
255
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,475
Fu! Pageant time!
256
00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,352
Aah! My eyes!
257
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:30,732
(GASPS) Give a dog
time to get his face on, would ya?
258
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:35,737
So we gotta find out what Pandarus
is hiding under the auditorium.
259
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,823
Hey, there's a trap door, center stage.
260
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,409
I got my heel caught in it yesterday.
Almost took a face plant.
261
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,035
Sweet! We can sneak in through that.
262
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,996
The problem is,
the whole arena's guarded.
263
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:46,915
The only time anyone can get on stage
Is during the show.
264
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,501
Then that's when we make our move.
265
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,964
Uh, Fu, something funky with your eggs?
266
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:58,177
No. But my unhealthy relationship
with food is over.
267
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,846
You hear that, eggs?
I'm breakin' up with you,
268
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,139
and that's no yolk.
269
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,975
Uh, Fu, you're really
startin' to scare me.
270
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:07,436
-(APPLAUSE)
-Welcome back to the finals
271
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,146
of the Miss Magical World beauty pageant.
272
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,439
Give it up for our judges.
273
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,483
-Jack Frost, the Tooth Fairy...
-(CHUCKLING)
274
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,028
...and hello, judge number three.
275
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,030
Ho ho, I tell ya,
we gotta halt production
276
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:19,865
on those Burping Betty dolls, you know?
277
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,451
Turns out they burp
out of the wrong end, okay?
278
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,036
The kids love it.
But the parents,
279
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:27,372
well, frankly, they expect more
from the Santa name, you know?
280
00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,665
Oh, boy, I tell ya.
281
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,085
(WHISTLES)
282
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:36,340
Ladies, I just wanted to wish you all
good luck today in the finals.
283
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,635
I'm not ready.
I need time to get my glam on.
284
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,847
(GRUNTS)
285
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,100
-You.
-Me?
286
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:48,894
No, I... I'm just a girl.
287
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:52,231
Ah. What do I expect
from a ditzy dame?
288
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:56,276
(GROWLS) "Ditsy dame"?
289
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,862
What does he think I am,
a piece of meat with no feelings?
290
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,864
If you poke me, do I not giggle?
291
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,700
It's like he doesn't
even see the real me.
292
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:07,162
-Who does he think he is?
-We get no respect.
293
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,624
-Some men are such dogs.
-You said it, girlfriend.
294
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,417
Places, everyone. Places.
295
00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:15,337
Well, I'll be.
It's the dance of the southern belles.
296
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,464
Is it hot in here, or is it just them?
297
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,633
Ah... (GRUNTS)
298
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:24,263
Keep up. Sashay, sashay...
299
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,598
Oh! I should have
made him shave his legs.
300
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:34,898
FU: Okay, now.
301
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:39,444
Elbow, elbow,
wrist, wrist, wrist, and smiles.
302
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,947
(GRUNTS)
303
00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:45,200
Come, Jake. We must hurry.
304
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,743
(FAINT GROWL)
305
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:47,953
No arguments here.
306
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,253
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-Hee hee hee.
307
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:01,175
Hmm. A fork in the road.
308
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,344
(GROWLS)
309
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,847
-This way!
-Ugh! Hurry!
310
00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:12,519
-Heh heh. Heh?
-Aah! Aah! Whoa!
311
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:14,688
-Oh!
-Oh! Oh!
312
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,149
Hee hee hee hee. Whoops.
313
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,740
Looks like some kind of altar.
314
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:27,201
Ah, the Prophecy of Koolubius.
315
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:30,078
"He who weds
the fairest creature of them all
316
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:32,789
"at the stroke of midnight
on the day the planets align
317
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,375
"shall become
the mightiest wizard in the land."
318
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,253
So Pandarus is gonna...
319
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:39,963
(GROWLS)
320
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,716
Yo, G, we got company.
321
00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:47,888
JAKE: Come on, ogres.
Show us what you've got.
322
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,640
(BOTH GROWL)
323
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,477
(GRUNTING)
324
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,981
This net, it is sphinx hair.
325
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,860
The only substance that renders
a dragon absolutely powerless.
326
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,654
Now if you'll excuse me,
327
00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,948
I have to go marry
the winner of the pageant
328
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:08,700
and become the mightiest wizard
in all the land.
329
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:11,578
Not to mention the evilest.
330
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:13,455
(LAUGHS)
331
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,713
What the heck is takin'
Jake and Grandpa so long?
332
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:24,633
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Ahem.
It's... it's just impossible
333
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,593
to get reliable stylists these days.
334
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,971
I could screech.
I mean, I can't do a thing with my hair.
335
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,931
-(SNIFFLES)
-All these outfits make me look hippy,
336
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,391
and they're off gallivanting.
337
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:35,227
Seriously, they can't stop
to think about anyone but themselves.
338
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,896
-(CRYING)
-You know what I'm sayin', sister?
339
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,399
Hey. Hey, there, what... What gives, Iris?
340
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:44,945
I... I can't go on.
I'm just not pretty enough.
341
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:49,241
I'm all... Eyeball! (CRYING)
342
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:52,369
What? Oh, no way.
You're beautiful and smart
343
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,121
and have a great sense of humor.
344
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:56,373
Here. Dry your eye.
345
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,250
Thanks, Fuella.
346
00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,918
(SNORTS, BLOWS NOSE)
347
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,713
Oh. You're a peach.
348
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,758
It's time for the personality contest.
Fuella, you're up.
349
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:09,803
What? I am not ready!
Hee hee hee.
350
00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:16,602
Are you ready, beautiful? Nervous?
351
00:16:16,685 --> 00:16:19,938
-Hee hee hee hee hee. Yes.
-Oh, I'm sure you'll do great.
352
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,524
Okay, first question
from that master of the deep freeze,
353
00:16:22,608 --> 00:16:23,692
Jack Frost.
354
00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:27,487
Eh. Hi.
I'm gonna keep my questions simple.
355
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:29,531
What's your favorite season?
356
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:31,617
Um... Winter.
357
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,202
Ooh, I like her.
358
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,995
-Do you like her? I like her.
-(APPLAUSE)
359
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:38,290
Next, a quarter for her thoughts.
That's right. It's the Tooth Fairy.
360
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:42,753
Ooh, I love this part.
Let's see those pearly whites.
361
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:46,423
Oh, hi... Aah!
362
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,969
(GASPS) Uh-uh!
(GAGS, BELCHES)
363
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,347
Oh, pardon me. I am... (GAGS)
364
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,558
I just didn't... (GAGS) expect that...
365
00:16:56,642 --> 00:17:01,146
(GAGS) ...color green. Ooh!
366
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,106
Oh, tough break, Fuella.
367
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,400
Now let's see
what the next judge has to say.
368
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:08,362
Ho ho. Sorry, hon. You are
definitely on my naughty list, okay.
369
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:11,907
And my ugly list.
You should donate that body to science.
370
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,367
Science fiction, you know.
371
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,369
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
372
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:16,828
Ooh, forget it!
373
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:18,497
No matter how hard I try,
374
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:21,500
I just can't look like the women
in those fashion rags.
375
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,002
And my personality
is about more than my teeth
376
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:25,587
and my pear-shaped figure.
377
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:28,632
I look around this room,
and do you know what I see?
378
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,801
I see the smartest,
most accomplished dames
379
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,302
I've ever had the good fortune to know.
380
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:35,848
Did you know Janice there
has a Ph.D. in molecular biology?
381
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:37,099
Lucia, right there.
382
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:39,059
She's the one who designed
the ancient pyramids,
383
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:41,728
and Bertha, well,
Bertha's as dull as a spoon.
384
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:43,522
But she bakes a great cobbler.
385
00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:45,190
Oh, this is hot.
386
00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:47,818
And what have you done
with these amazing women?
387
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:51,154
Pitted them against each other
and treated them like pieces of meat.
388
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:54,283
Well, I'm here to tell you
you're all better than that.
389
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:57,244
And me, I'm already a winner
just for gettin' to know ya.
390
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,872
'Cause you ladies are beautiful in here,
391
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:03,000
and that's all that really matters.
392
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,084
Ooh!
393
00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:07,212
Get this sniveling nobody off my stage,
and crown a winner, already!
394
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:10,340
You can take your pageant
and stick it in your ear, Pandarus.
395
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,968
-Yeah. See ya.
-Wouldn't wanna be ya.
396
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,887
Yeah. This pageant is whack, anyway.
397
00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:17,139
Real pageants
create opportunity for women.
398
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,432
Scholarships, philanthropy,
399
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:21,351
chances to give mind-numbing speeches
about world peace.
400
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,061
CONTESTANT: Yeah, I'm outta here!
401
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,814
The only way you can pull
this sham of a pageant out of the mud
402
00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:28,483
is by naming a real woman as the winner.
403
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:33,238
I say we give the crown to Fuella
for having the courage to tell the truth.
404
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,699
WOMEN: Fuella! Fuella!
405
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:39,536
Fuella! Fuella!
406
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:43,540
Okay, that's it.
Judges, let's get on with it.
407
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:44,625
I need a winner.
408
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,294
If everyone else has withdrawn,
then make it her.
409
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,129
I don't care if she is a complete dog.
410
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:51,131
Whoo-hoo! Fuella it is.
411
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:55,427
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you
the new Miss Magical World,
412
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:58,555
and officially the fairest of them all,
Fuella!
413
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,892
(WHIMPERS)
Oh, hello. I love you all.
414
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,644
Oh, thank you so much.
415
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:06,980
Oh, I'm gonna cry. Oh, I'm gonna cry.
416
00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:15,322
♪ She's the fairest of them all
Miss Magical World ♪
417
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,366
-(MIC FEEDBACK)
-Okay, that's enough.
418
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:21,954
Watch the dress, buddy.
It's couture. Uh, hey, where we goin'?
419
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:25,916
Well, now that the pageant is over,
I guess I can spill the good news.
420
00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:27,835
We're off to fulfill an ancient prophecy.
421
00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:29,294
I marry you, and I become
422
00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:32,005
not only the most devilishly
handsome wizard in the world,
423
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,799
but the most powerful as well.
424
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:37,177
How nice for you.
There's just one problem.
425
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,346
(ALL GASP)
426
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:42,516
Look, it's that jerk
who was hitting on us yesterday.
427
00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:46,311
That's right.
How's that prophecy lookin' now, Pandarus?
428
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:50,232
It's looking fine. All I need to do
is marry the fairest of them all.
429
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:53,902
Which, according to your tiara and plaque
is you.
430
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,029
Ta-ta, everyone.
431
00:19:58,407 --> 00:19:59,616
(ALL GASP)
432
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,037
This worked out perfectly.
433
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:06,582
I needed two witnesses
to our blessed union,
434
00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,542
and voila, here you are...
435
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:10,502
just hangin' around.
436
00:20:10,586 --> 00:20:11,795
Fu, watch out!
437
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:13,964
Pandarus is gonna
take the winner of the contest
438
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,299
and make her his bride.
439
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,717
Uh, you're lookin' at her, kid.
440
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,927
-What? You won?
-No way!
441
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:21,013
Oh, and that's so hard to believe?
442
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:23,807
Let's get this over with.
443
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:29,396
Welcome. We have
chained here together...
444
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,024
I... I mean, gathered here together...
445
00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:34,234
PANDARUS: Just get on with it.
446
00:20:34,318 --> 00:20:38,780
Uh, "dearly beloved." Yada, yada, yada...
"Gathered here today." Yada, yada.
447
00:20:38,864 --> 00:20:40,908
-Anyone have any objections?
-WOMAN: We do!
448
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:45,579
Hey, guess they couldn't stand
to see me off the market. Hoo hoo!
449
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:50,751
(GRUNTING)
450
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,380
Yeah!
451
00:20:56,632 --> 00:20:58,050
You girls rock!
452
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:00,302
WOMAN 1: It's no use.
There's too many of them.
453
00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:02,346
WOMAN 2: Guess again.
454
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:05,057
(SHRIEKING)
455
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,560
-(ALL GASP)
-Look out!
456
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:10,187
(OGRES GROANING)
457
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:13,065
Take him. Take him!
458
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,733
Just don't hurt me.
459
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,653
Whoo hoo!
Now that's what I call girl power.
460
00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,785
Ladies, I gotta hand it to ya.
461
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:28,288
You really saved my tail in the end there.
So thanks.
462
00:21:28,372 --> 00:21:30,916
Yeah, well, we're still mad
that you lied to us.
463
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,961
But we're also awful proud of you
for standin' up for us.
464
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,671
You know, I meant every word.
465
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,756
Trust me.
I was a better dog as a woman
466
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:38,882
than I ever was as a dog.
467
00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:41,885
Wow. Fu Dog has really come around.
468
00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:44,012
I must say,
I'm grateful to all you ladies.
469
00:21:44,096 --> 00:21:46,014
This entire weekend
has been a test for me...
470
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:49,351
A test which
I'm proud to say I passed.
471
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:54,690
-(HONK HONK)
-Hey, hands off the hump.
472
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,943
I said I passed.
I didn't say I got an "A."
473
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:01,530
I didn't get a "B," either,
Or a "C," or a "D."
474
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:03,198
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)