JAKE: Yo, how much longer I gotta keep this up, G?
Patience, young one.
The foolish night bird chases the moon, but the wise one waits for it.
Uh, say what?
Translation, less whine and more shine.
And don't be afraid to use a little spit.
Come on, kid. Go for the good one like this.
(SNORTS AND SPITS)
Hey, buck up.
You're out tonight doin' your heroic American Dragon thing.
In my book, that's called glamorous.
So when exactly does the glamorous part start?
Right about now.
(TIRES SCREECH)
That's him. I'm goin' in.
Jake, wait!
Goblins have a highly sensitive sense of smell.
Element of surprise is very...
Dragon?
(GRUNTS)
Important.
Come on, dragon up.
MAN: Drag... Drag... Drag... Drag... Dragon up!
All right! Oh!
Whoa! Ooh!
-Aye! Aye! Yeow! -(GROANS)
(JAKE GROANS)
JAKE: Yo, it's over, goblin. Ha!
(GAGS AND COUGHS)
-(SCREAMS) -Gotcha.
(SCREAMS) Dang peepin' toms!
Hey! Ow!
-Stop it! Aw, man! -(GOBLIN SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
JAKE: Whoa!
Don't worry, kid. I gotcha.
Wait, what am I saying?
(JAKE GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)
Uh, kid? Looks like Gramp's shoe's gonna need another spit shine.
(LAUGHS)
You got it... And the thing with the... Oh, boy!
JAKE: Aw, man!
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
JAKE: Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
Break it down with the dragon.
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A" to the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
Trixie, Spud, wait up!
Dude, we hit the skate park last night, and I was talkin' to you, except...
Wait a minute. You weren't there.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Sorry, guys. I had this, uh, thing.
Yeah, check it.
We was all psyched to do some serious shreddin'.
Then outta nowhere, these fancy-pants rich kids showed up and booted us out.
Yeah, yeah. They were all, "Get out!"
And we're all, "You get out!"
And then they were all, "Our daddies own you," and then...
What Spud's tryin' to say, it's not a game. Uh-uh.
We gonna show them who's runnin' that half pipe.
Now come on, let's roll.
Heh. Ah, man.
Hoo! This door is, like, broken.
Uh, one more time.
-Rally the troops. Come on. (GRUNTS) -ROSE: Every word out of his mouth
is like a glimpse into his soul.
Ear of the Dragon.
GIRL: Yeah, he is pretty cute.
"Pretty cute"?
I just wanna wrap my arms around him.
Uh, hey, guys.
Rose. I, um...
I sort of overheard your conversation, but it's totally cool.
I feel exactly the same way.
Uh, you think Jeran MacArthur's cute, too?
For real! I always thought...
Uh, I mean, uh, um, who... Who?
Jaren MacArthur.
He sings that song "Girl, Don't Be Trippin'."
He's playing Radio City tomorrow night.
Oh, right.
Well, yeah, you know, what I meant to say was, um...
Wanna see some cool skate moves?
-Yeah! Whoa! -(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
-Mr. Long, might I have a word with you? -(ROSE CHUCKLES)
Jake Long, I don't like you.
Now do you want to know why this is I don't like you?
Uh, 'cause my mack daddy moves are so fly?
No, no, no, no, no.
Because you have a bad attitude.
Serious respect issues towards authority figures,
and to top it off, mediocre grades.
The grades aren't my fault.
I'd have more time to study if I wasn't out every night
learning how to be a drag... Racer.
"Drag racer"?
Yeah, you know, like go-karts?
Vroom, vroom, vroom. (IMITATES BRAKES SQUEALING)
Stop that! No more noises!
I think it's time I find out more about you, Mr. Long.
Hey, no prob. Let's see.
I'm a Pisces. I dig extreme sports.
-I like girls. -No, no, no more words.
Parent-teacher conference tomorrow, 4:00 p.m.
I'll be looking forward to it.
-(IN GERMAN) Nein! -(MUG BREAKS)
That was deliberate.
Mmm.
JAKE: I'm tellin' you, Gramps.
All this dragon stuff, it's ruining my life.
I'm startin' to wish I could pass the Dragon baton
to the next kid and be done with it.
Sorry, young one,
but the duties of the American Dragon belong to you and only you.
Well, lately, being me isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Speaking of Dragon duties,
Fu Dog performed a truth spell on our goblin friend last night
and retrieved some very useful information.
The Orb of Malorphus.
Is it, "A," a funky paperweight, or "B," a great big ball of evil?
Ha! If you chose "B," kid, congrats.
You get the prize.
Seems Ralph here is gonna be paid a hefty sum
to pick up the Orb from the Huntsman
and deliver it to a goblin crime ring in Ohio.
Goblins gotta eat, too.
The Orb contains highly concentrated dark magic.
In the wrong hands, it could be very dangerous.
That is why you must intercept it.
Hey, don't even sweat it, G.
I'll just go full Dragon and let 'em know.
-Know what I'm sayin'? I'm the... -Mmm!
It is best you do this mission undercover as the goblin.
Uh-huh, and how is somethin' this handsome gonna turn into somethin' that...
-Ack! -Handsome?
Dragons have natural shapeshifting ability.
Fu Dog will create a potion which taps into that power.
Unicorn hoof clippings. Pow.
Ogre nose hairs. Bada-bing.
-Bottled troll belches. -(BELCHING SOUND)
Bingo. One shapeshiftin' smoothie with wheat grass booster.
(SNIFFS) Ooh!
Come on, kid. Bottoms up.
(GULPS) Oh, Fu!
Ugh! That junk is nasty!
(GAGS)
I'm gonna totally ralph!
Huh?
Dudes, check me out!
I'm Ralph the Goblin!
Ralph is not that big through the hips.
Ha-ha! This rocks!
Hey, Fu, how long does this shapeshifting mojo last?
A single serving gives you 24 hours of transformin' fun.
That's what I'm sayin'!
Meeting with Huntsclan is in one hour.
You should spend this time practicing goblin voice.
Yeah, and I wouldn't recommend
goin' too crazy with all the shapeshifting.
The more you use it, the harder it is to control.
Wait. Are you saying I can shapeshift into other people?
Check this.
The sparrow with the most patience
is more patient than the one that's impatient.
(LAUGHING) You sound just like the old man!
Hey, yo, forget about it!
I gotta go get me some dog biscuits and give myself a flea bath.
Ga-ga-goo!
Eh? I don't talk like that.
Jake, until the potion wears off,
you will not be able to use any of your Dragon powers.
That is why you must treat your mission very seriously.
It's cool, G.
"Serious" is my middle name.
Now brothers and sisters, bust a move and bring on the Huntsclan!
Kitchy-kitchy-coo!
It is time, Jake.
You must not keep the Huntsclan waiting.
Tsk. No worries, G.
Ralph the Goblin is in the heezy-bejeezy!
Yo, what's up, Huntsy?
Huntsgirl, you are looking fizzine.
HUNTSMAN: Goblin, we meet again.
Uh, yeah, that's right. We, uh, met before...
That one time at the place near the thing with the people.
Ah. Good times.
HUNTSMAN: Hmm.
Something about you seems different.
Ralph is, uh, trying something new with his hair.
Highlights. Really brings out Ralph's eyes, don't you think?
Now, about that Orb of Malorphus.
HUNTSMAN: Yes, about that.
There's been a change of plans.
Have mercy!
HUNTSMAN: I received this message from my supplier.
It seems the Orb of Malorphus has been temporarily held up.
Really? That's all?
I... I... I mean, this is unacceptable!
Ralph spits on your supplier!
(SPITS)
-(HUNTSMAN GRUNTS ANGRILY) -(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)
HUNTSMAN: Meet us back at the troll bridge tomorrow night at sundown.
We will have the orb then.
Guys, they totally bought it!
Did you see that?
This shapeshiftin' spell's outta control!
MOM: parent-teacher conference?
This totally tanks.
My notes from school always have lots of stars and smiley faces. Wanna see?
No! Guys, you can't take this note seriously.
It's from Mr. Rotwood.
He's, like, a total freak!
Well, young man, I would very much like to, uh, meet this "freak"
and talk about your grades which sure could use some improvement.
Ahh. That was one delicious cup of oolong tea, let me tell ya.
Don't worry, Daddy.
I'll make you more tea 'cause I love you.
(TEAPOT WHISTLES)
Why, thanks, Haley-hoo.
-You're a peach, honey. -I know.
-(FIRE ALARM BEEPING) -What the...
That is the 18th time that pesky fire alarm has gone off this week!
Now, Jake, about your grades.
How can you expect me to be a dragon and get good grades?
You don't even know what it's like to have dragon powers.
True. It skipped my generation.
But powers or not, we all have our own challenges.
We just have to face them head on.
(SIGHS) Okay, Mom.
MOM: Mmm.
Who says the head has to be mine?
Mr. And Mrs. Long, your conference with Mr. Rotwood
has been changed from room 1A to room 1B.
He'll be with you in a moment.
-MOM: Thanks. -Love the tie.
(IN JAKE'S VOICE) Oh, yeah.
This is gonna be good!
Where are those parents?
Ugh!
It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor Rotwood.
Now, about Jake.
Oh, Jake! What a fine individual!
In all my days as an educator,
never have I come across such a wicked, fresh genius!
Really? Well, that sure is not what the other teachers have said.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, and being such a complete weirdo,
I could never hope to be as hip hoppin' and happenin' as he is.
Excuse me?
That's right!
I, Professor Rotwood, am a big, old, nasty freak!
And you know what else?
I like to eat dog food and dance the forbidden hula!
(BARKS)
Aloha, whoo!
(BARKS)
Okay, now, Jake was right. That man is a wacko!
Tick-tock, tick-tock, Mrs. Long. You are late.
Hmm, like mother, like son, huh?
Mr. Rotwood, I...
Eh, eh, eh! Professor Rotwood.
I don't care if it's Wacko Rotwood!
You no-good player hater!
You're just jealous of my son
because he's got superfly mack daddy moves and you don't!
If you know what's good for you, you'll leave him alone
and move to some faraway country like...
Gerbackamania!
Good day, Mr. Rotwood.
-Uh, actually, it's professor... -I said, "Good day!"
Man, this is sweet!
GIRL: I am so bummed that you can't go to the concert tonight.
ROSE: Oh, I know.
I've been so obsessing over Jaren MacArthur lately,
I can't even think about other boys.
Hmm.
♪ Girl, don't be trippin' ♪
♪ In my mind, you're always flippin' ♪
♪ With all your talk of... ♪
Yeah, what's up, beautiful, yo?
(GASPS) Oh, my gosh!
It's pop sensation Jaren MacArthur!
That's right.
I was thinking me and you could make some beautiful music together.
Yeah. I... I mean, I love your music.
Oh, sing us one of your songs.
GIRL: Oh, yeah, totally!
I love you, Jaren!
But I don't know any of his...
I mean, uh... Hey, yo.
I don't have a guitar.
-Uh, but I don't, um... -(GASPS AND SIGHS)
-This one goes out to Rose. -GIRL 2: (CHUCKLES) Aw!
(STRUMS OFF-KEY)
(SINGING OFF-KEY) ♪ Rose, yo ♪
♪ You have such awesome toes, Rose ♪
♪ And a really hot nose ♪
♪ Yo, and your forehead's so shiny that it glows ♪
♪ Rose! Yeah! ♪
Uh, well, uh, see y'all! Peace!
I still love you, Jaren!
TRIXIE: Yo, home slice!
How about sharin' this skate park with the rest of us?
Sorry, kiddies.
But we paid the management good money
to close the half pipe to everybody but us.
Come back tomorrow, okay?
Tomorrow? See, you're trippin'.
This is America.
And not just any America.
This is North America, buddy!
Yeah, and in North America, money talks.
Skate pro Tommy King.
Yeah!
Huh? (GRUNTS)
Dude, what seems to be the problem-o?
Yo, Tommy King, peep, King,
wretch over there, snot for brains, thinks he can...
Oh, junk!
You know who you are?
Pro skating sensation, and Sk8er-ade spokesman, Tommy King.
But your website says you're on vacation in France.
Dudes, maybe this isn't North America.
Heh. My good friend Jake totally told me some kids were giving you guys trouble.
So I hopped on a plane, and I was...
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
Who said anything about trouble?
Any friends of Tommy's are friends of ours.
TRIXIE: Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
This is rad!
Tommy, that's what's up!
Huh? Ahh! Whoa!
Uh, did you just see that?
See what?
Man, that last fall on the head must've messed me up good.
Hey... Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
Hush it! Excuses later.
Hurry and turn into the goblin.
The Huntsclan is waiting.
Heh. Hey, G. Don't even sweat it.
This ain't no... Whoa! Thing.
I have a bad feeling Jake has misused his shapeshifting powers.
Hmm, you think?
So, uh, I'm here to see a clan about an orb.
HUNTSMAN: The Orb of Malorphus as you've requested.
Hmm, let's see, uh, round, dark, creepy glow. (CHUCKLES)
Looks good!
Now if you don't mind, Ralph has to be some... Huh?
What?
(GRUNTS)
-(BOTH GASP) -HUNTSGIRL: He's a fake!
HUNTSMAN: Seize him!
(GRUNTING)
Tsk. Aw, man.
(HUNTSGIRL YELLING)
(YELLING AND GRUNTING)
(SNAP)
HUNTSGIRL: Had enough?
HUNTSMAN: Play time's over, boy.
-(GRANDPA YELLING) -Dragon!
GRANDPA: (GROANS) Ow!
(SQUEAKS)
HUNTSMAN: Then perhaps this could be the American Dragon?
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) -Huntsclan, move out!
GRANDPA: Jake!
FU DOG: Aw, Gramps, we're too late!
(WHINES)
JAKE: Ow!
Ah, let me guess. You've done this before.
HUNTSGIRL: Never to someone so cute.
But I'm not as cute as that hunk-a hunk-a burning dragon
you fight against, am I right?
HUNTSMAN: Silence, boy. I have no doubt you are the American Dragon.
HUNTSGIRL: I've been waiting for this moment...
The chance to slay my first dragon and become one of the Huntsclan.
HUNTSMAN: Patience.
His shape-shifting spell won't last.
I want him alive long enough to see his true human face.
We got exactly one hour before the spell wears off.
Until then, the kid's completely defenseless.
The Huntsclan could have transported him anywhere.
There's gotta be some way to sniff him out.
Too bad I'm not a bloodhound.
RALPH: Why? Why did she do that?
Ralph does not think contestant should have bid $1 on washer-dryer.
(BELL DINGS ON TV)
So you will set Ralph free if he helps you sniff out your boy?
Yes. Only Jake was not Jake when the Huntsclan took him.
He was pop sensation Jaren MacArthur.
FYI, his favorite food is fajitas
and he buys all his clothes at Haberdashy and Flinch.
What? A 600-year-old dog can't be hip to the new trends?
Eh, Ralph will help you,
but Ralph must first have a scent from this pop sensation
before he can track him.
REPORTER: (ON TV) This just in.
A tub of hair gel and a pair of extra, extra baggy jeans
have been reported stolen from the dressing room
of pop sensation Jaren MacArthur.
Earlier, MacArthur had this to say.
Why, yo? Why?
No word yet as to whether he will summon the courage
to take the stage tonight as scheduled.
I love you, Jaren!
(STRAINING)
Come on, dragon up.
Dragon up!
HUNTSMAN: At last...
The identity of the American Dragon shall be revealed.
-JAKE: No! -HUNTSMAN: What?
FU DOG: Okay, which one of you cheapos forgot to pay the electric bill?
Oops, my bad. Must've brushed against the light switch.
I hate it when that happens.
(LAUGHS)
(COCKING WEAPONS)
GRANDPA: Hiyah!
HUNTSMAN: The old dragon is mine! You handle the boy!
Hey, hot stuff. Miss me?
(HUNTSGIRL GRUNTS)
HUNTSGIRL: I liked you better tied up.
I bet you say that to all the dragons.
(YELLING AND GRUNTING)
(HUNTSGIRL GIGGLES)
(JAKE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
-HUNTSGIRL: Whoa! Oof! -(CRASH)
Ooh, baby! It's good to be me!
HUNTSMAN: You'll make a fine trophy, Dragon.
What? Aah!
GRANDPA: Aiya! The orb!
Kid! Belly slide!
Right on!
He slides...
Whoo! The catch is made and the crowd goes... Oh!
GRANDPA: Oof! Aah!
(GRUNTS)
HUNTSGIRL: Huntsmaster, hurry! The whole place is going to...
HUNTSMAN: I'm not leaving until this dragon is slain.
(YELLS)
Think again, huntsfreak!
Gramps, heads up!
(HUNTSMAN SCREAMS)
Good one, kid! Now, let's get the heck out of here!
(RUMBLING)
(BOTH YELLING AND COUGHING)
Excellent work, young one.
Now that was glamorous. Huh? Huh?
JAKE: So the Orb is locked up at the shop?
Safe and sound.
Now you will have time to focus on your grades.
(SIGHS) You sound like Mom and Dad.
Jake, your mother and I know you have many responsibilities.
All we ask is that you try your best and are honest in your actions.
Thanks, Gramps.
Well, this is my exit.
So you are certain you did not misuse your shapeshifting power?
Not even once?
(SCOFFS) No way, G. Come on!
Like I would ever disobey you.
-I'm reporting you to the school board! -Not if I report you first!
Pop sensation Jaren MacArthur was right here on campus.
Hey, Jake! Why you didn't tell us you was down with skater Tommy King?
I'm pretty busted, huh?
You do not know the meaning of the word!
JAKE: Aw, man!