HALEY: ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
Hey, Jake. Guess what?
I got all As on my report card. (GIGGLES)
(SIGHS) Yeah, that's nice. You're, uh, blocking the TV.
And guess what else?
I found your old report card from when you were my age.
"C," "C," "C," "C-minus", "D."
I'm gonna put them both up on the fridge.
I'd offer you some of my lollipop,
but you already have four cavities.
What's it like to have a cavity? (SCREAMING)
-W-w-whoa. I didn't do it. -Haley.
Good golly. What is it, pumpkin?
My tooth! It's all wiggly.
(GASPS) It's your first loose tooth. Oh, finally!
Camera. Get the camera.
Hey. You know, Haley who, when that tooth falls out,
the magical Tooth Fairy will come visit while you sleep
and leave a dollar under your pillow.
A dollar? Is that open for negotiation?
Whoo! A dragon tooth.
How de-l-l-l-l-lightful
Oh. Occasions such as this make me glad I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Da, la, la, la, la, la
Dr. Diente, could you pretty, pretty please
bring me a cup of dandelion tea?
I feel like celebrating.
Dr. Diente...
-Ha ha ha ha. -(MUFFLED SHOUTS)
Sorry, boss. It's my turn to celebrate now.
What was your stupid command for this thing?
Mmm. Well, abraca-dental.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
Tooth minions, take her.
Take me where? Un-hand me this minute. (SCREAMING)
Hello, my little dragon-fanged friend.
I've been waiting for you.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ Dragon up! ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ Break down with the dragon ♪
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, g? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A" to the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the Mackdaddy Dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG)
But Daddy, it's bugging me!
Now, honey bun, the tooth will fall out when the time comes.
Honey, trust me. You won't get that tooth out by pulling it.
I know. 'Cause it's not a regular tooth. It's a dra...
Yes, Haley. It is a drag to have such a stubborn tooth.
It'll just have to fall out on its own.
Well, you just let me know when it does so I can put in a call to the Tooth Fairy.
Hey! What the...
I toasted it for you.
(BURPS)
Haley, you little...
Jake, be patient with her. She's still learning.
She shouldn't even have dragon powers yet.
I had to wait till I was 13.
Well, girls mature faster than boys, honey.
Mommy, do girls always get better grades than boys, too?
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Mommy, do girls always get better grades than boys, too?
Man, she thinks she's so perfect.
Yeah, she's perfect at wrecking my life.
Yo, peep game, Jake.
I think we got something that's gonna cheer you up.
Yeah, yeah. Check it.
Trixie hooked us up with tickets to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
(LAUGHING)
My cousin Lawanda, yeah, see, she plays volleyball
with the guy who brings bagels to the girl who runs the sound check.
Yeah, yeah, and check this again.
For the grand finale,
Shaniqua Chulavista is gonna sing her new hit single, Baby, Don't Be Frontin'.
What? Shaniqua C... In person?
Outside of my dreams?
Yo, sign me up!
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
Yo, yo. What's up, G?
What's up with all this magical mojo?
Spiritual house maintenance. Re-enacting an ancient spell
to protect the house from unwanted magical visitors.
What, is there some trouble around here?
'Cause you know I could just dragon on up
and kick me some serious, magical...
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Down, boy.
It's just standard procedure.
Trust me. If there were trouble going down in this city, we'd know about it.
Day after day, I have to sit by and watch you misuse your power.
You have unlimited access to every house in the world,
and you break in and leave money?
That's not a very good business model, is it?
Shamey, shamey shame on you, Dr. Diente.
Whatever you're up to, no good can come of it.
Good? Oh, who said anything about good?
Do you know how long I've been biding my time,
sneaking teeth from your stash to build my army of tooth minions?
Watching you give away millions in dimes, quarters, dollars
to ungrateful, grimy, little brats!
Night after night after night after night!
You'll never get away with this.
(LAUGHING) Just watch me. All I need is one dragon tooth.
Let's see. Ah, yes. Haley Long.
No! You leave her alone.
That little girl's as precious as a butterfly
perched on a freshly bloomed...
Pa-pa-da-da-pa-pa. Dump her in Jersey.
(SCREAMING)
♪ Baby, don't be frontin' ♪
♪ 'Cause I know who you be huntin' ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, something, something ♪
(BEATBOXING)
-Yeah! -Ahem, Jake.
Can't talk now, Moms. I'm getting ready for the show.
-Show? -Yeah.
Trixie scored us some tix to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
Jake, you promised to babysit Haley
while your father and I go see Catskills on Ice, remember?
Hey! Nice wheels.
Jake, I need you to babysit Haley Friday night, okay?
That's right. Uh-huh.
I'll do it. I'll d-d-do it.
There was interference.
Well, can't... Can't someone else babysit?
What about Grandpa? Or Fu Dog? That old guy who feeds the pigeons!
I'm sure Grandpa, Fu Dog, and Esteban already have plans for the night.
Besides, they aren't the ones who made a promise to babysit their little sister.
But this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're right. An opportunity to live up to your responsibilities
and be a good role model to your little sister.
She looks up to you.
She's two feet tall. She looks up to everybody.
-MOM: have fun, kids. -Bye!
You are totally harshing my gig.
I'm sorry you have to babysit me and miss your
once in a lifetime opportunity to go to the Hip Hop Video Awards.
Want me to cheer you up with a little Chopin?
(CHOPIN PLAYS)
(SIGHS) Why couldn't I have been an only child?
Tooth minions, it is time. Seize the little girl.
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
(ZAPPING)
What? It's... It's some kind of shield.
Tooth minions, pull back.
You know, Jake, I feel it's my duty as your little sister
to remind you of the house rules.
No eating in the living room.
No feet on the coffee table.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
And no answering the door to strangers.
You're what? You can't stay home.
Ah, the Hip Hop Video Awards are a once in a lifetime op, dude.
If you miss this, you'll never forgive yourself.
You'll be in the old folks home all old and so full of regret,
there won't even be room inside for, like, prunes or dust or...
I promised to babysit. There's nothing I can do.
Here. Now I know you probably can't get her autograph,
but maybe some of Shaniqua's sweat will land on it.
Nah, baby cakes.
You're gonna get sweat on it live and direct.
We just gonna take turns watching Haley.
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
You guys would do that for me?
(HESITATING) Uh, well, uh...
Course, bro. We totally got your back.
You guys rock!
Okay. Synchronized?
SPUD: Greenwich mean time.
See ya in 20.
Don't worry about a thing, bro.
Trixie and I will totally keep Haley in one piece.
He's right. Who cares if I'm not there?
Between Trixie, Spud, and Gramp's magical mojo,
what could go wrong?
Ah, so that's it. Some sort of spell.
No matter, minions.
That little girl has to come out sooner or later,
and when she does... (LAUGHING)
(WHISPERING) We'll make our move.
MAN ON TV: Bring on the f-zunk, New York City!
Yo, it be the third annual Hip Hop Video Awards.
Wanna see my loose tooth?
No, I do not wanna see your nasty, old too...
Ooh, girl.
You're gonna get some serious cha-ching for that one.
Hey, yo, Spud, check it out.
(GASPS)
It doesn't matter how much cha-ching I'm gonna get.
My mom says I have to wait till it falls out on its own.
(SPUTTERS) Parents always say that.
You want this baby out, little mama?
-Mmm-hmm. -Then let's do this.
On 3. 1...2...
Uhh, 3. Uhh.
Yo, what's up with these roots?
(LAUGHING) No worries. We're totally on this.
Tooth, you're going down!
You hear me? I'm bringing you down to Chinatown!
Um, I don't think this is a proper method of safe tooth removal.
Hey, hey, hey. Trust Mama Trixie and hold still, will you?
Ready?
Set... Slam!
Spud, you sure about this?
Uh-huh. I'm confident.
Let her rip!
-Oh! -Uh... Ow!
SPUD AND HALEY: Whoa! Whoa!
(CRASH)
Oh, we in trouble now.
SPUD: You have to be the tooth. Visualize yourself falling.
Say, "I am free."
I am free.
Now reach deep inside yourself and harness the fire within.
Aah! Get it off me! Get it off me! It burns! (SCREAMING)
Aah! Ooh, ooh! Ow! Ooh, ooh!
(CRASH)
Ah, whoa.
You are seriously in tune with your inner fire.
You should rent yourself out for parties.
♪ I'm chocolicious ♪
♪ One of your favorite dishes ♪
♪ I will grant all your wishes ♪
♪ Do de do de do ♪
-(DOORBELL RINGS) -Uh...
Haley's loose tooth was buggin' her.
Yeah. We'll be back in 20 minutes.
(STAMMERS) What? But, what? Haley!
(POT SHATTERING)
What is going on in there?
What are you doing?
Trixie told me that hockey players always lose their teeth.
Let's brawl!
Will you just... Take it outside.
Okay, but Mom says I'm not allowed outside after dark.
MAN ON TV: And don't forget, homies, coming up next,
Jaren MacArthur's gonna bust a move
with his number one hit, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby.
Baby.
It's the dragon! Get her!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing out here?
Trying to knock my tooth out so the Tooth Fairy gives me the cha-ching.
The Tooth Fairy doesn't leave cha-ching for hockey players.
It's a whole union thing. It's complicated.
Actually, the Tooth Fairy won't be leaving cha-ching for anyone.
Somebody, help!
Okay, go to your happy place.
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS)
I found your sister.
Cool. Only two more bands to go until Shaniqua!
Let's go, bro!
Wait. Isn't it your turn to watch Haley?
Sorry. Momentary lapse of reason
due to sudden onset of adolescent hormonal influx.
See ya.
(CRASH)
Only one more band till Shaniqua rocks the hizzy for shizzy. Yeah!
See, Jake? I told you watching Haley wouldn't be nothing but a chicken wing.
ALL: Haley!
(ALL SCREAM)
Hi, guys. Where've you been?
(ALL SIGH)
MAN ON TV: Yo, yo, y'all. Get ready to shake your booties 'cause up next,
we got the one, the only, Shaniqua Chulavista.
Uhh! Aah! Shaniqua!
I gotta see this!
Are you guys okay to watch Haley?
Oh, nuh-uh-uh. Wait a minute. You ain't goin' nowhere, homeboy.
I gotta see this, too.
No way. I'm watching Shaniqua.
-Me, too. -Me, too.
Me, too!
At last. Tooth minions, after them!
Yo, wait up, guys.
(GROWLING)
Eye of the dragon.
Well, uh, uh, hey. Hey, Trixie, Spud,
Um, I think something's stuck in my wheel.
You guys better go on without me.
Haley, go with Trixie and Spud.
-No. I'm gonna stay. -Haley...
Uh, yeah. Maybe you guys should sort this thing out yourselves.
Make it quick, dude. Shaniqua's going on in 15.
All right, whoever you are or whatever you are.
Bring it on.
(EVIL LAUGHING)
(SWOOSH)
Boy, you dudes are gonna be sorry you're keeping me from the show.
You know, I really think we should've stayed home tonight.
Haley, I know what I'm doing. Just sit still.
And no dragon stuff.
Dragon up.
Uhh. Ha!
Yay!
Yeah! Ha! You know it. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
Whoo. What? What?
What the...
Ha. Uhh. Ha.
Hyah!
Uhh. Uhh. Huah.
How ya like me now, huh, you freaky tooth dudes?
Uh, Jake, you're wearing ladies' underwear.
Oh. (LAUGHING) Yeah, oh, I know
'cause it's part of my mackdaddy thing, yo.
(SHRIEKING)
(GROWLING)
What are you?
I-S-T-I-C. Your turn.
Leprechaunistic? That is not a word.
Aye, it's in the dictionary.
Yep. Right between leprechaunilicious and leprechauntastic.
Ay ya. This is the last time
I play Word-A-Cross with an Elfin dictionary.
(BUZZING)
Yeah, yeah. Go sell it somewhere else. We're stocked up here.
(GASPS) Tooth Fairy?
T.F., is that you?
Oh, sweet stars in heaven.
Things have gone to h-e-double hockey sticks in a handbasket!
Fu Dog, I did not realize you knew the Tooth Fairy.
Oh, yeah, we go way back.
I had to sell her my left molar when I lost a bet.
Heh, never mind. Gee, T.F., you look like...
Like I dragged my mangled body all the way from Jersey
after almost being crushed to death at a junkyard?
Sure, let's go with that.
Listen to me. My assistant betrayed me.
He stole my wand. He's after a little girl's dragon tooth.
FU AND GRANDPA: Haley!
(EVIL LAUGHTER)
What, y'all ain't had enough yet?
Whoo!
Jake, behind you!
Wa-ha!
Ya. Uah.
Hyah!
Yeah, you see that?
Now that's how you handle some real dragon business, Haley.
Ya heard?
(TIMIDLY) Haley...
Haley! Where are you?
Yo, yo, Haley, if this is a joke...
(GRUNTING) Kid, where's Haley?
I was supposed to be watching her, but...
We are too late.
Who are they? What did they want with Haley?
They want her tooth. A dragon tooth has mighty powers.
According to legend, if anyone plants a dragon tooth in soil,
unspeakable evils will be unleashed upon the Earth.
Hi, I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Uh, where's Haley?
I'm guessing they took her back to my twa-la-la-la-lair. Follow me.
So you're a dentist? My dentist always gives me free toothbrushes.
Plus, he never puts me in a cage.
Well, little girl, I'm a different kind of dentist.
The kind that is going to get back every dollar
that fool Tooth Fairy gave away.
As soon as I plant your precious dragon tooth,
I'll be unstoppable.
Um, just so you know, my big brother's gonna kick your behind.
Your brother? (LAUGHING) Spare me. Where's your brother now, little girl?
From what I hear, he'd rather be an only child.
After all, it is his fault you're here in the first place.
Now, be a good, little brat...
Oh! Why, you little...
Hyah!
Sorry, Diente, but... Oh, crumb.
If I'd known I was going to have guests, I would've straightened up the place.
Grandpa!
Hyah!
Unh!
Tooth minions, attack.
(ALL GRUMBLING)
Uhh, whoa. Uhh. Haley.
Jake, you came.
Hey, let go of me. Whoa!
(SCREAMING)
Ah, a dragon tooth.
I have been waiting to do this...
And I've been waiting to do this.
Huah. Wah.
How do you like that?
Whoo-hoo.
I think this doctor's gonna need a doctor.
Ooh, the giggle is up, Diente.
Fine, but who needs a wand when you have the tooth of a dragon?
(GROANS) At last.
The legend of dragon tooth will be the stuff of legends no more.
Huh? Whoa!
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm off to recoup some of your idiotic losses, Fairy.
Just in case I need a few extra dragon teeth...
-(SCREAMING) -Come here, you.
(SHRIEKS) Help!
Look, you can keep your money. Just give me back my sister.
(ROARS)
(GROANING)
HALEY: Jake!
Ha ha! Y'all better call in the vultures
'cause this cowboy's goin' down.
(GROANING)
(GIGGLES) My bad.
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
Haley, the cable. Bite through it.
Use your dragon teeth.
Dragon up!
Jake, I can't.
Yes, you can. Girls mature faster than boys, remember?
Haley, now. You can do it.
-Yeah! -(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING) Uhh. Jake!
♪ Baby, don't be frontin' ♪
-(GROWLING) -Jake!
Sorry, Shaniqua, but I got a little sister to save.
Uhh, ya!
Come on, Haley.
Let's get this under your pillow before the Tooth Fairy comes, huh?
(CAR DOORS SHUT)
Hurry!
Oh, my goodness. I'm glad to be home.
Jake, what in the name of Nicholas Nickleby went on here?
You were supposed to be in charge of...
It was my fault.
Jake told me not to, um, rip the door off its hinges
or break the ceiling fan,
and, um, spray the fire extinguishers everywhere,
but I didn't listen to him.
(STAMMERING) W-uh...
Sorry.
-(BOTH GASP) -Pumpkin, you lost your first tooth.
Camera! Get the camera!
Here. You should wake up with a 20 under your pillow
after everything you've been through.
It was worth it to be rescued by the American Dragon.
Thanks for missing Shaniqua to save me.
Nah, I'm sure I didn't miss much.
-TRIXIE: Yeah! -You rock, Shaniqua!
-You rock! -Shaniqua!
-Pass the sparklin' cider, girl! -Aw, yeah!