This is your territory, young dragon...
And you alone are responsible
for the magical creatures living within it.
From the centaur herds of Highbridge Park...
To the floor of the secret leprechaun stock exchange.
From the gargoyle nest on top of the Empire State Building...
To the mermaids of the East River.
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, kid, if you can make it here, you'll make it anywhere.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, no problem.
I am totally on it.
But first, you must master
your dragon training one step at a time.
Even a young falcon
must stand before it can fly.
Check this out, G. Dragon up, yo!
Bow! I'm not only ready to fly, I'm ready to soar!
Represent!
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Bad dudes beware 'cause the American Dragon is in the house!
Yeah! Yeah...
Aah! Unh!
I'm cool. No prob.
Unh! C... C... Could you guys...
A little help down here?
(SIGHS)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
♪ He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun ♪
♪ He's young and fast He's the chosen one ♪
♪ People, we're not braggin' ♪
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
♪ He's gonna stop his enemies with his dragon power ♪
♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire ♪
♪ A real live wire ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
JAKE: Dragon up!
♪ American Dragon ♪
Oh, oh, oh, whoa!
♪ He's the American Dragon ♪
Break it down with the dragon.
♪ His skills are gettin' faster ♪
♪ With Grandpa, the master ♪
♪ His destiny, what's up, G? ♪
♪ It's showtime, baby, for the legacy ♪
♪ American Dragon ♪
♪ From the "J" to the "A" to the "K" to the "E" ♪
♪ I'm the Mack Daddy dragon of the NYC ♪
Ya heard?
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG DINGS)
We dragons are creatures of immense magical power.
But to unlock your potential,
you must keep training,
and master the fundamentals.
Dragon fire! Dragon teeth!
Dragon tongue! Dragon claws!
Dragon tail!
Ha! Right! Yo, I'm all over it, Grandpa.
And a dragon student must obey his dragon master,
without question or hesitation.
Totally. I'm all about obeying.
Whatever you say, whenever you say it.
(SNIFFING) Oh! Blecch!
Blue cheese with a touch of sweat sock.
It's the Huntsman. I'd know that foot stink anywhere.
The Huntsman? You sure, Fu Dog?
What's he doing here?
Ahh, you tell us, young one.
Huntsman's footprints head north/south
on the night of a full moon.
(WHINNYING)
(GASPS) He's hunting unicorns!
Bada-bingo! Give the kid a prize!
Ah, yes. Unicorn horns.
Always a valuable commodity on the magical black market.
What's going down?
Are we gonna crack open a can of smack daddy
on this Huntsman here or what?
Not we, you.
Me? As in alone? Solo?
I will not be around forever.
It's time you put your dragon training to the test.
Right! Ha!
Put my mad skizz-ills to the test.
I'm all over it.
FU: Hey, hey! Make it good, kid.
I'm calling Ernie and laying 50 biscuits on you.
Hey, Big Ernie! Ho ho! It's Fu!
I need to make a bet.
Now!
Give him dragon fire.
Taste my dragon breath, dirtball.
(GRUNTS)
Incoming!
-Aah! -Aah!
Sorry! My bad, guys!
Whoa! Watch it!
Hot cheeks! Hot cheeks!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ahh...
Dragon.
Huh?
Oh, come on. Dragon up.
Oh! Dragon up!
Oh! Now would be nice!
Say good-bye, dragon!
Whoa! Unh!
Ha ha! Is that all you got, Huntsman?
'Cause I'm about to come over there and...
Hyah! How was that, Huntsmaster?
Very nice, Huntsgirl. Your training has served you well.
Oh...
Hyah!
Come on, now, what's a nice girl like you doing
hunting unicorns? (BELCHES) Oh!
What's a nice guy like you
doing outside in his undies?
Huh? Oh! Well, I...
You have a golden opportunity
to slay your first dragon.
Finish him!
With pleasure.
Aah!
This is not over, dragon!
Ah, tough break, kid.
Almost as bad as when you tangled
with those mountain trolls last week.
Aah! Ow! Ooh! Ow!
(GIGGLING)
Or the week before that, when you took on the giants?
Oh! Oh!
(LAUGHING) Or the week before that,
when those field pixies tossed you a beatin'.
Aah! Oh! Unh!
Young dragon, you must learn
that smack daddy does not come in a can.
Tomorrow, we step up your training.
Be on rooftop right after school.
Ahh, okay. I'll be there, Grandpa.
...which brings us to the topic of dragons.
Now, if you'll turn to chapter 237
of my groundbreaking yet unpublished 1984 thesis
entitled Mythobiology: a Scientific Study
of the Magical Creatures Among Us,
you'll see that I describe dragons
as an evolutionary offshoot of the dinosaurs.
Thus, what can we conclude
about the size of a dragon's brain? Mr. Long!
Uh, well, um, I would conclude
that dragons have very large brains.
I mean, they'd probably be pretty smart and cool.
Incorrect! We can assume that a dragon's brain
is about... About the size of a pea.
Maybe a walnut.
-But I thought... -Not with the... Quiet.
Write that down, Mr. Long. It's certain to be on your final examination.
Aw, man.
TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Mr. Rot...
-Professor! -Yeah. Professor Rotwood.
This is mythology class up in here, right?
So, how can you know
about the size of a dragon's brain?
I mean, elves, unicorns?
That stuff isn't even really real, yo.
Heh. Yo, yo. Yes, well, you know,
this is certainly the prevailing belief now, isn't it, you know?
However, some great minds
have devoted the bulk of their careers
and indeed their lives to proving otherwise!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, you know, of course,
this... This kind of academic courage, you know,
doesn't, you know, come without a price, of course.
Not unlike being ridiculed by one's colleagues!
Or being banished from every respectable educational institution
in the world!
Or even being... Help me...
Or even being reduced to teaching
in the public schools!
(STUDENT COUGHS)
(RING)
Oh, okey-dokey.
Class dismissed.
-TRIXIE: Hey, yo, Jake! -SPUD: Dude.
What's crack-alatin', baby?
Yo, what's up, Trixie? Spud?
We cruisin' over to Washington Park Right about now.
We gonna shred some serious asphalt.
Last time we hit that place, Spud got a concussion.
Ha ha! No way!
That was totally a case
of subcutaneous occipital trauma.
(GIGGLING) No worries, bro.
Yeah, whatever.
So, what up? You in or are you in?
Oh, I wish, Trixie,
but I gotta work at my Grandpa's shop today.
Again? Aw, man. That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4, 23... No...
Eleven-teenth time this week, dude.
What up? It's stressing me out.
Yeah, man, for real! Don't we have some kind of child labor laws
in this city or something?
Yo, maybe next time, guys, aiight? Holla!
Yeah, aiight. Holla at your girl.
Adiós, buddy.
Unh!
Oh, my bad. I'm sorry about the...
-Hi. -Hi yourself.
Hey! That's a really cool dragon tattoo.
ROSE: Actually, it's a birthmark.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'll, uh, see you around, okay?
Yes! Yes! Most definitely! Yeah.
Oh, well, I mean, you know,
if I have time and you have time,
we can kill some time. Whatever.
...and 3, 2, 1.
He's late! Goo goo goo goo!
I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! Whoa!
You are late, young dragon.
Say what? By, like, 3 seconds!
3 seconds or 3 hours, late is late!
HUNTSMAN: Ahh, yes.
Do you know what would look magnificent stuffed
and mounted on the wall of the Huntslair?
Let me guess.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm cool, I'm cool.
A pair of dragon skins?
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(LAUGHS)
GRANDPA: Today, we will begin old school dragon training.
Yo, bring it, G. What are we starting with today,
extreme aerial maneuvers? A little fireball action?
I'm ready to rock over here.
Begin in bathroom.
Say what?
You must clean toilet using circular motion,
first clockwise, then counterclockwise.
Uh, if you say so.
Aah! Not with hand!
You must clean toilet using only dragon tongue.
My tongue? On that?
Ha ha! Nuh-uh, no way, fuh-get about it.
Are you not dragon student?
Did you not pledge to obey dragon master?
I really don't remember every single thing
that we'd agreed upon.
Totally! I am all about obeying.
Whatever you say, whenever you say it.
(GRUNTS)
Aw, man!
You cannot be serious!
Circular motion. First clockwise, then counterclockwise.
JAKE: Ew! Aah! This is nasty.
I'm gonna throw up! Ew...
Hurry up! Grandpa has more old school training waiting.
(INHALES AND BELCHES)
Ew!
(STATIC)
Aha!
(PIGEON SQUAWKING)
Oh! That's foul!
SPUD: Ha ha! Aiight, Trixie!
TRIXIE: Put it down, baby!
-Go, girl! -That's what's up!
(TOILET FLUSHES)
Oh, Jake! I think the toilet's gonna need
a little touch-up. Ha ha ha!
You are done with training for today.
Training? You call this training?
I call it being your house boy.
What's cleaning your toilet and sweeping your floor
have to do with being the American Dragon?
The seed does not question where the wind takes it.
In other words, listen to the old man. Come back tomorrow,
and get ready. Fu Dog's gonna need a deep wrinkle massage.
Whoa.
JAKE: I'm telling you, Mom,
Grandpa has seriously lost it.
Yeah, uh-huh. Haley!
You can chop the vegetables now!
All right! Check out my Japanese chopping-yake technique.
I mean, he's turned dragon training into gag-me training.
Days like today make me wish I could just be
a normal human like Dad.
FATHER: Hey!
(SINGING) ♪ Who's that cow With the halo on her head ♪
Haley, lose the claws!
♪ And an udder made of gold ♪
♪ 'Cause she's all grain fed ♪
♪ Oh, the cow... ♪
And, uh, I use the term "normal"
very loosely.
♪ Moo ♪
Hey, great news, familia.
I just landed...
The Wholesome Heifer account! Huh? Okay.
Wholesome Heifer
is the city's largest organic milk producer.
The head honcho and his wife
are coming over for dinner tomorrow night
to seal the deal!
Congratulations, honey. Mmwah!
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Look at the violin concerto I composed at school today.
Oh, peanut, that is so cute.
Uh, Mom, are we ever gonna tell Dad
that he married into a family of magical reptiles?
Well, of course, dear.
It's just that your father's always been so, you know...
I think we need to wait for the right moment.
A time when, uh... Well, uh, a time when...
There's a spider on me! Get it off! Get it off!
Oh. Oh, wait. Oh, it's just a fuzzy. Ha! False alarm.
A time when we think he can handle it.
Unh! Ecch! All I can taste is toilet brush. Ecch!
Listen, Jake? I know this whole thing has been hard on you.
First, you find out you're a dragon...
That's cool.
It was the whole, "By the way, you're responsible
"for protecting an entire magical underworld" that's freaking me out.
Well, that's why it's so important for you
to master your dragon powers.
Believe me, I know your grandfather can be
a bit eccentric,
but you just have to trust him, okay?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
♪ When I think of all The times I fell in love ♪
♪ When I think of all the girls ♪
♪ I was dreaming of ♪
♪ When I think of all the years ♪
♪ That are to come ♪
♪ I love you better ♪
♪ When I... ♪
-Hey, yo, Jake! -Huh?
Wake up, dawg! Don't even tell me
you're still crushing on that Rhodes girl.
She's so far out of your league,
you don't even know it.
Dude, she's like Tiger burning the 18th at Pebble Beach,
and you're like 9-putting the windmill
at Coney Island mini-golf.
Man, forget her. We got serious business.
They just reopened the 14th Street skate park!
BOTH: We gonna hit that!
Oh, sounds sweet, Trix,
but, you know, I gotta...
Dude! No! Not working in the shop again!
That's, like, the...
1, 2, 4...
Wake up, Jake! that old dude
is, like, stealing your youth, man.
(INHALES)
I... I can't do it, Trix. Sorry.
Aiight. But I'm telling you, Jake, you're missing out here.
Sign here.
Hurry up and get to training!
Must use dragon teeth to scoop sludge
out of Grandpa's rain gutter!
Oh...
Yo, Trixie, Spud!
Wait up, guys!
Uh, yeah. Jake is one hour late for training.
I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Oh, you're telling me.
But that's what we get for eating lunch
at a place called the Chimichanga Chuckwagon.
Oh! Hold down the fort, Pops,
'cause nature's calling 911!
Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi...
Jake, where are you?
Something must be wrong.
How right you are.
Dragon, we meet again.
Ho! It is always a pleasure to defeat you!
Hyah!
Whoa!
Unh!
What?
(GRUNTING)
Forget it, old man. That net is pure sphinx hair.
Oh...
Well, one dragon down,
one to go.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Okay, Fu Dog, just keep quiet.
They'll never know you're in here.
HUNTSGIRL: Who's in there? Open up!
I really gotta stop talking to myself.
(RATTLING)
Here goes nothing.
(SPLASH)
Aah...
(HORN HONKS)
Yeah! Yeah!
This is only like the best day ever!
Ha ha! Whoop!
Ah, this is the worst day ever!
Lost in a sewer, no cell service.
How come Lassie always made
this getting help stuff look so glamorous.
Who dares to enter the lair of the one-eyed sewer troll?
Easy there, tiger. I'm just...
Stanlifkowski? Is that you?
Fu-ster? Hey!
You're a sight for sore eye.
What's it been, 2-300 years?
What brings you down here?
Serious trouble, Stan. I gotta get to the East Village pronto.
Say no more. I know a shortcut under the zoo.
Ah, more sewer.
Oh, Jake, there you are. Hurry and wash up.
Dad's clients are already here.
Uh, Haley, a little help, honey?
Who's ready for mushroom caps?
-(GRUNTS) -Fu? Yo, dawg,
we do have a doggie door.
Kid, where were you?
Fu, I don't even want to hear it.
Grandpa must be buggin' if he thinks he's gonna
make me clean his whole house with...
You don't understand! You left me and Gramps
waiting for you on the roof. We were sitting ducks out there.
-When the Huntsman showed up... -The Huntsman? Where's Grandpa now.
Look, long story short, It ain't looking good for the old man.
This is all my fault.
We gotta go get help.
No! I've gotta do this.
Uh, look, no offense, kid, but we don't got time for no dress rehearsal.
It's showtime! And you haven't even mastered
going full dragon yet.
Watch me.
Dragon up!
♪ Drag-drag-drag-drag-dragon up ♪
Hey! I did it!
Check me out! I'm the American Dragon!
-(GROWLS) -Okay, let's fly, kid!
Uh, you can fly, can't you?
So, as you can see, we're just your normal,
wholesome, milk-drinking family. Whoopsie!
(JAKE AND FU SCREAMING)
(CRASH)
So, who'd like salad?
I'll ask you one last time, old man.
Where is the American Dragon?
Right under your nose, dude! I'm like a booger that way. Ha!
Wait. That didn't come out right.
Allow me. I have unfinished business with this dragon.
Hyah!
(GRUNTING)
-Hyah! -Whoa!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it!
Yo, Big Ernie! Yeah, it's Fu.
I want to lay down some cookies on a bet.
-Hey, get off! -Hey, what, are we strangers?
You know I'm good for it.
Hah!
Hah! Hyah!
Try my fastball!
No! Oh!
Enough! American Dragon,
prepare to become a pair of boots!
Young one! Clean toilet bowl!
(THINKING) First clockwise, then counterclockwise.
What? How did he... Unh!
Hey! It worked! Ha ha!
Who the man now, Huntsman?
Huh, Hunts-punk? Yeah, you want some?
There's some more where that came from.
-Hyah! -Young one! Sweep floor!
-Aah! -Ernie, Ernie! I changed my mind!
Put all my biscuits on the kid! Yeah, that's right, the whole thing!
-Unh! -Unh! Hey!
Check you out. You're good, Huntsgirl.
-Hah! -Unh!
Hyah! Unh!
Ooh, you're really good.
You're not so bad yourself, dragon boy.
(GRUNTING)
Hey!
-Kid! Behind you! -Huh?
Unh!
(GRUNTS)
(FARTS)
Aah!
Whah!
-We'll be back! -And I'll be ready.
Uh, kid, you got a little problem downstairs.
Aw, man!
I knew you could do it, kid.
I didn't doubt you for a second.
Okay, I did, but that's
why you love me, right? Come on.
Well done, young dragon. But word to the wise,
it is not good idea to flirt with mortal enemies.
Trust Grandpa. He's been there.
Even a mortal enemy that fine?
Come on, Gramps.
Many battles lie ahead.
We pick training up tomorrow, right after school!
I'll be there, Grandpa, right on time.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
Come. It's late. Fu Dog and I walk you home.
Ahh. Okay, so I get the whole
cleaning the toilet with the tongue thing now.
No problem. Very useful stuff.
-Disgusting, but useful. -Right.
And that whole sweeping the floor with the tail thing?
I see how that's gonna come in handy, too.
-Mm-hmm. -But what about the part
where I did all your laundry? I mean, you had me scrubbing
all your nasty socks and drawers. Ecch! What's up with that?
What's up was Grandpa needed his laundry done.
FU: And tomorrow, you get to do mine. (LAUGHING)
JAKE: But... But I just... Aw, man!