1 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:10,733 Well, if it isn't the late Dr. Thaddeus Venture. 2 00:00:10,942 --> 00:00:12,442 I'm glad you're still... 3 00:00:12,608 --> 00:00:13,817 hanging around. 4 00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,567 I wanted to thank you for finding... 5 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:18,400 Grover Cleveland's presidential time machine for me. 6 00:00:18,525 --> 00:00:19,811 I'll give him your regards. 7 00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:20,859 Take your time, Monarch. 8 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:25,692 'Cause the minute you finish your little speech, I'm gonna kill you. 9 00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,150 What are you, Obi-Wan Kenobi? 10 00:00:27,275 --> 00:00:28,608 Just look at you schmucks! 11 00:00:28,733 --> 00:00:30,692 I don't think I'm the one in danger here. 12 00:00:30,858 --> 00:00:34,817 Considering the sad fact that right below you... 13 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,858 flows the mighty Amazon... 14 00:00:36,983 --> 00:00:40,150 teeming with the most gruesome fish to ever... 15 00:00:40,275 --> 00:00:41,358 - The piranha! - No! 16 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,692 - The shark? - No! 17 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,192 - The piranha? - No! 18 00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:45,983 And shut up. This isn't a quiz. 19 00:00:46,108 --> 00:00:47,608 Now, where was I? Right. 20 00:00:48,358 --> 00:00:51,483 The dreaded candiru, a naughty little fish... 21 00:00:51,567 --> 00:00:54,567 with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra... 22 00:00:54,858 --> 00:00:58,275 to feed on the damaged tissue of the pitiful mass of flesh... 23 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,694 you once called your penis! 24 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:02,192 That is a total myth! There is no such fish. 25 00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:03,775 - Is too! - No, there isn't! 26 00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,067 - Time-out! - What? 27 00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:05,817 Time-out! 28 00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,025 I'm really hurt! 29 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,317 This isn't freeze tag. You can't do that! 30 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:11,817 I'm serious. I really feel sick! 31 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,692 Don't even think about ralphing on me. 32 00:01:13,817 --> 00:01:14,942 Where are you hurt, boy? 33 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,317 I don't want to say. 34 00:01:16,442 --> 00:01:17,525 - Oh, great. - Dean? 35 00:01:18,275 --> 00:01:20,067 My no-nos hurt. 36 00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:21,275 What the hell are no-nos? 37 00:01:21,358 --> 00:01:23,733 That's the super adult term my teenage sons use... 38 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,775 to refer to their genitals... 39 00:01:25,983 --> 00:01:26,942 in public... 40 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,483 in front of their father. 41 00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:31,567 Well, duh! You all should be feeling the sting in your nethers... 42 00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:36,192 for in seconds, the dreaded candiru will seek out the tiny... 43 00:01:36,775 --> 00:01:38,733 The kid's really hurt. Let him go. 44 00:01:38,858 --> 00:01:39,650 Why? 45 00:01:39,775 --> 00:01:41,275 I'm about to kill all of you anyway. 46 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,442 What's the point, really? 47 00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:44,025 Because you have to! 48 00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:48,317 In 1969, the Guild of Calamitous Intent enacted an addendum to article 47... 49 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,733 of the Unusual Torture Act. 50 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,067 So let's cut the monkey business. 51 00:01:51,233 --> 00:01:52,692 - Go, Dad! - Yes, go, Dad. 52 00:01:52,817 --> 00:01:54,733 And what's more, you arrogant little trouble-maker... 53 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:56,483 you have to let us all go. 54 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,983 How the hell do you know that? 55 00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,483 Check it out for yourself. 56 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:00,775 Maybe I will. 57 00:02:00,858 --> 00:02:03,067 You don't know when to stop with all this, do you? 58 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,567 You just keep pushing my buttons! 59 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:05,775 You're my arch enemy! 60 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,775 That's what I do! That's my thing! 61 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,400 All right, fine. 62 00:02:09,525 --> 00:02:11,650 I have a Guild of Calamitous Intent handbook... 63 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:12,900 in my glove compartment. 64 00:02:13,108 --> 00:02:14,233 I'll be right back. 65 00:02:14,775 --> 00:02:16,108 Don't go anywhere. 66 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,108 Well, I think that's settled then. 67 00:03:09,358 --> 00:03:11,358 We meet back here in two days. 68 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,358 I keep the big one as collateral. 69 00:03:14,983 --> 00:03:16,692 But what if Dean dies before then? 70 00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:17,900 Then I kill this guy. 71 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:21,400 The Guild of Calamitous Intent... which, incidentally, I only joined... 72 00:03:21,525 --> 00:03:23,317 to get the full-dental and partial health package... 73 00:03:23,483 --> 00:03:25,983 has this pretty cut and dry. 74 00:03:26,317 --> 00:03:28,067 I have to kill him. Those are my orders. 75 00:03:28,233 --> 00:03:29,317 I'm not even going with you. 76 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,525 What do you mean you're not going with me? 77 00:03:30,692 --> 00:03:31,692 I'm a bodyguard. 78 00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:33,650 You have your orders, and I got mine. 79 00:03:34,108 --> 00:03:36,108 OK, then, guard him! 80 00:03:39,942 --> 00:03:40,983 No way! 81 00:03:41,192 --> 00:03:43,108 The addendum to the Unusual Torture Act... 82 00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:45,192 is also called Rusty's law. 83 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,942 They used to call my dad Rusty. 84 00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:49,067 How do you think your father knew everything about it? 85 00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:51,442 Because he's a genius super scientist. 86 00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:53,192 I like to dream, too, Hank. 87 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,192 But face it, your grandfather really did a number on your old man. 88 00:03:56,358 --> 00:03:57,775 God, what a pro! 89 00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,983 I wish I was old enough to hate him when he was alive! 90 00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:01,567 Now, that was an arch enemy! 91 00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,108 I never met my grandfather. 92 00:04:03,233 --> 00:04:04,817 I never even met my Mom. 93 00:04:05,525 --> 00:04:09,233 Hank, what would you say if I told you that your mother... 94 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,942 - was someone you've met before? - What? 95 00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:15,483 And what if I told you that your father is not your real father? 96 00:04:15,858 --> 00:04:16,775 Hank! 97 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,317 Hank! 98 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,900 I am your real father! 99 00:04:21,192 --> 00:04:23,400 No way. No way! That's not true! 100 00:04:23,525 --> 00:04:25,567 Psyche! Ha, sucker! 101 00:04:25,692 --> 00:04:28,067 You were all, "Oh, Daddy, you're my Daddy!" 102 00:04:28,192 --> 00:04:30,483 You are so gullible. What is that like? 103 00:04:32,108 --> 00:04:33,317 Hey, can I have your pudding? 104 00:04:33,442 --> 00:04:35,900 Um, no. I'm so saving that. 105 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,900 You really have to hold that so close to my face? 106 00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:40,233 I mean, where am I gonna go? 107 00:04:40,358 --> 00:04:41,733 Yeah, dude, ease up on him. 108 00:04:41,942 --> 00:04:43,608 It's not like that's loaded or anything. 109 00:04:43,733 --> 00:04:46,067 Aw, what are you? Some sort of an imbecile? 110 00:04:46,192 --> 00:04:47,900 Why would you even do that? 111 00:04:48,025 --> 00:04:49,358 Did you lift anything heavy? 112 00:04:49,525 --> 00:04:51,608 I told you, it's not a hernia! 113 00:04:51,733 --> 00:04:53,150 Were you rough-housing with your brother? 114 00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:53,785 No. 115 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:54,650 Oh, dear God. 116 00:04:54,775 --> 00:04:58,483 You two haven't been experimenting with inappropriate touching? 117 00:04:58,608 --> 00:04:59,608 No! Gross! 118 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,567 I know you've been seeing a lot of that little tramp who lives next door. 119 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,817 Lord knows what kinds of diseases that hussy carries. 120 00:05:06,442 --> 00:05:07,442 It's getting worse! 121 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:10,775 Dean, I don't want you hanging around with Triana Orpheus anymore. 122 00:05:10,858 --> 00:05:12,358 I don't approve of the way she dresses. 123 00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:14,817 Girls like that are usually on the dope. 124 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,900 Dean, have you been shooting dope into your scrotum? 125 00:05:18,983 --> 00:05:20,858 You can tell me! I'm hip! 126 00:05:21,025 --> 00:05:23,483 Dad, why are you doing this? 127 00:05:23,608 --> 00:05:25,817 I don't know what I did! 128 00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:28,858 Suddenly it just felt like someone kicked me in the rocks... 129 00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:31,817 and they never took their foot away! 130 00:05:31,942 --> 00:05:34,692 All right, Dean, you're gonna have to pull down your pants. 131 00:05:34,942 --> 00:05:36,317 I have to palpate the region. 132 00:05:36,442 --> 00:05:39,358 Please, Dad, please, please, please don't feel me up! 133 00:05:39,442 --> 00:05:41,192 I'm going to palpate, Dean. 134 00:05:41,358 --> 00:05:42,942 This isn't any fun for me, either. 135 00:05:43,108 --> 00:05:44,442 Do you want me to get H.E.L.P.eR. To do it? 136 00:05:44,525 --> 00:05:45,525 Is that better for you? 137 00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:48,692 A doddering old robot with cold, steel claws. 138 00:05:48,858 --> 00:05:49,884 Is that what you want? 139 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,983 I want a doctor! 140 00:05:54,192 --> 00:05:56,108 Are you gonna get the phone or what? 141 00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:57,442 What is wrong with you? 142 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,650 Why don't you ever flush? 143 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,900 It's like a bucket full of payday bars in there. 144 00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:03,358 Come on, fella, you're blocking the screen! 145 00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:05,233 Is it so hard to pull a handle? 146 00:06:05,358 --> 00:06:07,442 Oh, now, where could I have heard this before? 147 00:06:07,608 --> 00:06:09,025 Could it be I read it, like... 148 00:06:09,108 --> 00:06:11,858 about a thousand times in those passive/aggressive Post-its... 149 00:06:11,942 --> 00:06:13,192 you put all over the camper? 150 00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:14,608 Those aren't passive/aggressive. 151 00:06:14,692 --> 00:06:15,400 They're informative. 152 00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:17,442 Are you going to get the phone or not? 153 00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:18,233 Can't. 154 00:06:18,358 --> 00:06:22,108 I'm apparently doing a drive-by mission for the yardies over here. 155 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:24,233 Conjectural Technologies. 156 00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:26,442 Master Billy, boy genius, speaking. 157 00:06:26,775 --> 00:06:28,733 Billy, you gotta do it. 158 00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:31,358 How can we make your tomorrow better? 159 00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:32,983 Well, l... 160 00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:34,456 I guess it's theoretically possible. 161 00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:35,483 Billy, if you push the start button... 162 00:06:35,608 --> 00:06:37,108 - you can see my stats! - Yeah, uh-huh. Sure. 163 00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:38,442 I am awesome! 164 00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:39,400 OK, sure. 165 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,983 But then there is my rather steep fee. 166 00:06:42,525 --> 00:06:44,400 OK, then. All right. 167 00:06:44,692 --> 00:06:45,817 Bye-bye. 168 00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:47,567 "Bye-bye"? 169 00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:49,650 Well, he said it first. It just slipped out. 170 00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:51,733 Well? Do we have a job? 171 00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:52,775 Brace yourself. 172 00:06:52,983 --> 00:06:54,192 That was Dr. Venture. 173 00:06:54,317 --> 00:06:55,067 Get out! 174 00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:56,900 I will not. And there's more. 175 00:06:57,025 --> 00:07:00,358 It seems that his son has a mysterious malady... 176 00:07:00,483 --> 00:07:01,817 and he needs the help of... 177 00:07:01,942 --> 00:07:03,858 Conjectural Technologies. 178 00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:05,275 Way to go, Billy. 179 00:07:05,483 --> 00:07:08,692 Did you tell him that you needed the aid of a certain computer technician? 180 00:07:08,775 --> 00:07:11,067 You're in. Did you ask for some extra cash... 181 00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:12,567 to refuel the helicopter? 182 00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:13,775 We don't have a helicopter. 183 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:14,983 Venture doesn't know that. 184 00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:16,358 High five! 185 00:07:16,525 --> 00:07:17,608 I don't think so. 186 00:07:17,942 --> 00:07:20,025 Man, this is the coolest book ever. 187 00:07:20,192 --> 00:07:22,400 There's a guy in here who guards his headquarters... 188 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,733 with robot cheetahs! 189 00:07:23,858 --> 00:07:24,942 Oh, yeah. The Zoocreeper. 190 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,400 Oh, hey, am I in there? 191 00:07:26,608 --> 00:07:28,358 Uh... nope. 192 00:07:28,442 --> 00:07:29,942 "M" for Monarch. 193 00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,775 Try "T" for "The Monarch!" 194 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,650 Nothing. So where are we going? 195 00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:36,983 Towards the blinking light. 196 00:07:37,275 --> 00:07:38,608 We fly by radar alone. 197 00:07:38,775 --> 00:07:41,775 The location of my flying cocoon is highly secretive. 198 00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:44,108 Even I don't know its whereabouts. 199 00:07:44,233 --> 00:07:46,442 It may well be floating over the moon! 200 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,942 - Really? - Maybe. 201 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,650 Or even deep below the earth's crust. 202 00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:52,442 Hey! It's the Grand Canyon. 203 00:07:52,525 --> 00:07:56,025 Or it might be in the Grand Canyon, hovering where everyone can see it. 204 00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:57,775 Sure. Yeah. Wouldn't rule that out. 205 00:07:57,858 --> 00:07:58,900 Plausible. 206 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:03,900 Surprise! 207 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,416 Crap! An ambush! 208 00:08:07,608 --> 00:08:12,150 My bad. Sorry, everybody. Sorry. My bad. 209 00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:15,150 Now, before you tell me what a jolly good fellow I am... 210 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,358 there are some people who I would like you to meet. 211 00:08:21,192 --> 00:08:22,817 Someone got him Brock Samson? 212 00:08:22,942 --> 00:08:23,942 Now I feel like a tool. 213 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:24,753 What'd you get him? 214 00:08:24,778 --> 00:08:27,332 I made him coupons for one free washing of the Monarch-mobile... 215 00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:28,233 and one free back rub. 216 00:08:28,317 --> 00:08:29,692 Aren't those your jobs anyway? 217 00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,942 Yeah, but these are coupons. 218 00:08:32,525 --> 00:08:33,241 All right, now... 219 00:08:33,297 --> 00:08:35,567 let's see what all this fuss is about. 220 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,192 Dean, you wanted a doctor, and Billy is one of the best. 221 00:08:39,442 --> 00:08:40,817 Now drop those pants, mister. 222 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:43,275 Actually, this is more of a job for a urologist. 223 00:08:43,358 --> 00:08:45,567 Billy is more of a neurogeneticist. 224 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,733 Yeah, but this kind of thing should be a walk in the park. 225 00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:49,942 A walk through a park with genitals for trees. 226 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,025 And hair for grass. 227 00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,567 Oh, I'm sure that put him at ease. 228 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,400 You two might want to work on your bedside manner. 229 00:08:56,192 --> 00:08:57,400 Dr. Girlfriend... 230 00:08:57,817 --> 00:09:01,483 I'm coming in with some cake, and a little surprise for you. 231 00:09:01,692 --> 00:09:03,400 Come in, sweetie! 232 00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:06,692 I have a little surprise for you, too. 233 00:09:06,858 --> 00:09:09,942 ♪ For he's a sexy good fellow ♪ 234 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:10,983 Oh, sweet mercy! 235 00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,275 Dr. Girlfriend! 236 00:09:13,815 --> 00:09:16,150 Won't you come over here with me for a moment? 237 00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:19,108 Oh, I guess the muscular one is all right... 238 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:21,108 but the boy is just going too far. 239 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:23,358 Can't we just use the puppet again? 240 00:09:23,442 --> 00:09:24,275 No, no. Sweetie! 241 00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:26,650 This is Brock Samson and Hank Venture. 242 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,025 I captured them. 243 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,275 - Did not! - Did too! 244 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,525 I think you better give us a place to bed down. 245 00:09:32,817 --> 00:09:35,733 Kid here gets kind of wiggy if he doesn't get enough sleep. 246 00:09:35,858 --> 00:09:36,567 Of course. 247 00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:38,233 I treat my captives as kings. 248 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,817 You'll be given the grandest of accommodations. 249 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:44,233 It will be a far cry from sleeping over Dr. Venture's garage... 250 00:09:44,358 --> 00:09:45,983 like so much Fonzie. 251 00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:49,150 Hey, you put me in a stinky old jail cell last time I was here. 252 00:09:49,275 --> 00:09:50,525 You broke my heart, Hank. 253 00:09:51,817 --> 00:09:54,400 Come on, there, fella, you could have a real problem. 254 00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:56,400 With your lifestyle, who knows? 255 00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:59,858 Could be an implant or a space virus... 256 00:10:01,259 --> 00:10:02,000 A parasite. 257 00:10:02,025 --> 00:10:05,192 Sure. Parasite, growing larger by the minute. 258 00:10:05,358 --> 00:10:08,442 It probably wants to eat your brain. 259 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,275 OK, OK! But I don't want you to look. 260 00:10:11,442 --> 00:10:13,483 Fine. I'll go behind the screen. 261 00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,650 All right. 262 00:10:17,358 --> 00:10:18,233 Let's see 'em. 263 00:10:18,275 --> 00:10:20,317 I don't want to show my junk to a little boy. 264 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,358 Oh, come on! 265 00:10:21,483 --> 00:10:22,567 You said you wouldn't look! 266 00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:23,775 I'm not looking! 267 00:10:23,983 --> 00:10:25,358 Billy, 'fess up to the boy. 268 00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,525 He's been pulling that boy genius crap... 269 00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:29,317 for at least the twenty years that I've known him. 270 00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:30,775 Well, nobody's really that impressed... 271 00:10:30,858 --> 00:10:33,400 with Master Billy Quizboy, adult genius. 272 00:10:33,483 --> 00:10:35,900 Like a speech impediment and growth hormone deficiency... 273 00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:38,150 qualifies you as a boy genius. 274 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,525 Don't forget the huge head. 275 00:10:39,608 --> 00:10:40,442 I copped to it. 276 00:10:40,608 --> 00:10:42,192 Now you guys are just ganging up on me. 277 00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:43,983 Could we just do this, please? 278 00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:48,525 Holy mackerel! 279 00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:52,900 I am not prepared to rule out the parasite hypothesis. 280 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:01,608 The boss is wicked excited that you're here to celebrate his birthday. 281 00:11:01,775 --> 00:11:02,900 What'd you guys get him? 282 00:11:03,775 --> 00:11:05,150 Well, I have a Razzle in my pocket. 283 00:11:05,317 --> 00:11:06,192 I could give him that. 284 00:11:06,358 --> 00:11:07,858 First it's a candy, then it's a gum. 285 00:11:08,025 --> 00:11:09,358 So that's like two gifts. 286 00:11:09,483 --> 00:11:11,775 You have no idea why we're here, do you? 287 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,108 Big birthday bash, what else? 288 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,025 Yeah. That's it. 289 00:11:16,608 --> 00:11:19,775 Well, it doesn't look like the Monarch needs anything. 290 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:23,608 He's got a flying cocoon... 291 00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:28,150 sharp henchmen in peak physical condition. 292 00:11:28,358 --> 00:11:30,275 He's got it all. 293 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,692 Morning, sleepyheads. 294 00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:36,067 Heh, wish I had your life, sleeping all day. 295 00:11:36,192 --> 00:11:39,233 So, I trust you found the lodging provided to be agreeable? 296 00:11:39,358 --> 00:11:40,858 I had to sleep in my clothes. 297 00:11:41,025 --> 00:11:43,275 Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row. 298 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:44,358 You're kidding me, right? 299 00:11:44,525 --> 00:11:46,692 That's the only outfit I've ever seen you in. 300 00:11:46,817 --> 00:11:48,150 Well, it doesn't mean I never wash it. 301 00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:50,400 Fair enough. Number Twenty-Seven! 302 00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,483 Get the kid a change of clothes. 303 00:11:52,817 --> 00:11:53,775 How about you? You OK? 304 00:11:53,942 --> 00:11:55,983 I didn't sleep in my clothes. 305 00:11:56,994 --> 00:11:57,983 Twenty-Seven! 306 00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,775 Burn his sheets! 307 00:12:00,192 --> 00:12:04,733 Gentlemen, welcome to the heart of the Monarch's lair... 308 00:12:04,983 --> 00:12:07,858 the living nerve center of my ominous body. 309 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:10,608 This is where it all happens. 310 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,233 Relax... 311 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:14,817 and enjoy the show. 312 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,358 Are you going past the fridge? 313 00:12:36,817 --> 00:12:38,317 Can you get me a Fresca? 314 00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:41,567 Well, what do we usually do? 315 00:12:41,733 --> 00:12:43,358 You make some "I'm gonna get Dr. Venture" speech... 316 00:12:43,442 --> 00:12:44,317 and then, you know. 317 00:12:44,483 --> 00:12:45,608 Well, we can't do that. 318 00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:49,275 Man, this is sad. 319 00:12:49,525 --> 00:12:50,733 Crap, you scared me! 320 00:12:50,858 --> 00:12:53,775 Don't you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? 321 00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:56,358 Why haven't you tried the world domination thing? 322 00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:57,983 You afraid of the big leagues? 323 00:12:58,108 --> 00:13:00,228 Please, how stupid do I look to you? 324 00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:01,858 World domination. 325 00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:04,983 I'll leave that to the religious nuts and the Republicans, thank you. 326 00:13:05,192 --> 00:13:06,900 But I wouldn't be so quick to judge. 327 00:13:07,317 --> 00:13:10,733 The Monarch has his hands in many sinister soups. 328 00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:12,942 It's just an off day. 329 00:13:14,775 --> 00:13:16,775 I thought my birthdays were lame. 330 00:13:18,108 --> 00:13:20,608 Well, the good news is you don't have a parasite. 331 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,858 The bad news is that you have a condition... 332 00:13:22,983 --> 00:13:25,900 known as acute testicular torsion. 333 00:13:26,025 --> 00:13:29,150 - What does that mean? - Well, in a nutshell... no pun intended... 334 00:13:29,358 --> 00:13:31,275 your balls pulled a one-eighty. 335 00:13:31,442 --> 00:13:32,483 In a way, you're kind of lucky. 336 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,567 It only happens to one in four thousand. 337 00:13:34,692 --> 00:13:36,858 It's like you won the genetic freak lottery. 338 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,025 I blame myself. 339 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,358 Oh, there's nothing you could have done. 340 00:13:39,483 --> 00:13:41,608 I could have fixed this in the prototype phase. 341 00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:42,983 Don't be so hard on yourself. 342 00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:47,567 Raising a son is an experiment no scientist is prepared for. 343 00:13:47,775 --> 00:13:49,817 That's beautiful, Billy. 344 00:13:50,025 --> 00:13:51,358 Thanks. I just came up with that. 345 00:13:51,650 --> 00:13:55,858 Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. 346 00:13:55,983 --> 00:13:58,358 That implies a species that lays eggs. 347 00:13:58,483 --> 00:14:00,067 Oh, my God, you're crazy. 348 00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:02,067 They are so obviously mammals! 349 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:05,608 Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs. 350 00:14:05,775 --> 00:14:07,650 Smurfs don't lay eggs! 351 00:14:07,775 --> 00:14:09,233 I won't tell you this again. 352 00:14:09,358 --> 00:14:11,358 Papa Smurf has a [bleep]-ing beard. 353 00:14:11,525 --> 00:14:13,358 They're mammals! 354 00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:17,275 Well, what happens now? 355 00:14:17,442 --> 00:14:18,650 We have a couple of options here. 356 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,942 We can do nothing. It'll probably keep swelling... 357 00:14:21,108 --> 00:14:21,817 and let me tell you... 358 00:14:21,983 --> 00:14:23,150 that beach ball you're packing down there... 359 00:14:23,275 --> 00:14:24,317 can't afford that. 360 00:14:24,525 --> 00:14:26,775 Or I could perform orchiopexy. 361 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,692 That means he wants to operate on you... 362 00:14:28,775 --> 00:14:30,483 and you know, tie it down. 363 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,733 No way! He's not gonna operate on me! 364 00:14:32,817 --> 00:14:35,067 Dad, can't you fix this! Aren't you a doctor? 365 00:14:35,192 --> 00:14:36,817 Make it go away! Please! 366 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,400 Take it easy, Dean. 367 00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:40,108 Well, what happens if we wait? 368 00:14:40,317 --> 00:14:41,650 That's not so good. 369 00:14:41,817 --> 00:14:43,733 My guess is that in a couple of hours... 370 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,650 your son's testes are going to die, then atrophy. 371 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,317 Think raisins. Or better yet... 372 00:14:49,442 --> 00:14:50,817 you know when you're eating peanuts... 373 00:14:50,942 --> 00:14:53,775 and you crack one open and the little nut is all dark... 374 00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:55,025 and crammed into one corner... 375 00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,233 You're finished, right? 376 00:14:56,483 --> 00:14:59,817 As for untwisting them, I don't know which way they spun. 377 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,025 Unless you're that guy from INX S and that's, like, your thing... 378 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:04,608 the pain would be excruciating. 379 00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:07,067 All right! Let's just get this over with. 380 00:15:07,192 --> 00:15:09,650 Nurse, prep the patient and shave the region. 381 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:12,733 Nurse? You said I was your technician. 382 00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:15,900 Do you have to shave it? 383 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,067 I just grew those. 384 00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:24,942 Distress call from cellblock "C." 385 00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:28,067 Excellent! Put it up on the big screen! 386 00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:30,067 I want the captives to see it. 387 00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:31,775 Where's the big guy? He's gonna miss this. 388 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,650 Boss, there's a monster down here! 389 00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:37,525 I think it was two ninjas taped together to make one giant ninja. 390 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:38,817 I saw it climb the wall. 391 00:15:38,942 --> 00:15:40,108 It was a giant spider! 392 00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,067 See? Now we're talking here, huh? 393 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:44,442 Giant spider in the cocoon. Where's Samson? 394 00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:46,233 I can't believe he's not here to see this. 395 00:15:46,525 --> 00:15:48,483 All right, what happened? And one at a time. 396 00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:49,817 We're standing here talking, right? 397 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:52,733 Then suddenly something cuts number Forty-Three's tendon. 398 00:15:52,858 --> 00:15:54,400 It was horrible. 399 00:15:54,483 --> 00:15:57,192 Oh, his calf muscle rolled up like a window shade! 400 00:15:57,275 --> 00:15:59,858 He just kept screaming till he passed out. 401 00:16:00,983 --> 00:16:02,858 Party's over, Monarch. 402 00:16:03,317 --> 00:16:06,108 It's time I shut down this little tree fort of yours. 403 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,275 Brock Samson. 404 00:16:07,442 --> 00:16:09,358 I had a hunch you were behind this. 405 00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:11,692 Your arrogance will be your undoing. 406 00:16:11,942 --> 00:16:14,650 I will get you, Brock Samson! 407 00:16:14,817 --> 00:16:17,525 Numbers Eighteen, Thirty-Eight, Forty, and Thirty-One... 408 00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:18,775 Secure the prison level. 409 00:16:18,942 --> 00:16:21,442 Engineering, I want a steady stream of cyanide... 410 00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:23,817 pumped into the vents of section one through four. 411 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,317 Move! 412 00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:26,900 Oh, and Brock? 413 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,900 - What? - Thank you. 414 00:16:30,025 --> 00:16:32,483 No, please, no! No! 415 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:51,025 Release the butterflies! 416 00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:53,608 OK. 417 00:16:53,983 --> 00:16:56,108 Whose job was it to feed the butterflies? 418 00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:06,317 Way to go, Billy. Nice job. 419 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,900 And that knot you tied, what is that, a sheep shank? 420 00:17:09,025 --> 00:17:10,025 Yeah, it's my signature. 421 00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,692 It sure makes a statement. 422 00:17:12,108 --> 00:17:12,900 High five. 423 00:17:13,025 --> 00:17:15,525 Come on, would you stop with that? Really. 424 00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:18,442 Brock is totally wailing on you guys. 425 00:17:18,608 --> 00:17:20,525 The screen says you just lost another unit. 426 00:17:20,692 --> 00:17:23,817 Nonsense! He's in my world now. 427 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:27,692 The cocoon's internal defense system was designed by a genius... 428 00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:28,817 me! 429 00:17:28,983 --> 00:17:31,275 We're merely toying with him, drawing him out. 430 00:17:31,358 --> 00:17:34,608 Let him take as many pawns as he needs! 431 00:17:34,858 --> 00:17:35,483 Hey! 432 00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,108 - Hey what? - Can I try that on? 433 00:17:37,275 --> 00:17:38,733 It's all pinned to the cowl. 434 00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:41,275 Kind of a pain in the ass to get back on. 435 00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,650 You scream, I'll break your neck. 436 00:17:45,817 --> 00:17:47,442 You understand me? 437 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,942 You're going to take advantage of me, aren't you? 438 00:17:51,108 --> 00:17:53,483 Well, be quick with it. 439 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:56,442 To be honest with you, I never really considered that. 440 00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:57,483 Why not? 441 00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:58,400 Just didn't. 442 00:17:58,483 --> 00:18:00,192 Well, I'm not gonna beg. 443 00:18:03,775 --> 00:18:04,900 What happened to my underwear? 444 00:18:05,108 --> 00:18:07,900 You can't wear underpants until we remove the dressing, sweetie. 445 00:18:08,025 --> 00:18:08,650 What's going on? 446 00:18:08,817 --> 00:18:10,275 What are all those people doing here? 447 00:18:10,358 --> 00:18:12,483 I thought you might need some cheering up! 448 00:18:13,983 --> 00:18:20,275 I've brought you a Zuni fetish doll for being such a brave little trooper. 449 00:18:20,608 --> 00:18:22,692 I do hope you don't already have one. 450 00:18:23,650 --> 00:18:25,942 You're good as new, maybe even better. 451 00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,108 I hooked you up with the complete package... 452 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,192 if you know what I mean. 453 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:29,942 I don't. 454 00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:35,858 A warm freezer pop. How thoughtful. 455 00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,483 I saved these for you. 456 00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:40,650 I was gonna tape them in a scrapbook, but here. 457 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,317 They're your pubic hairs. 458 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,483 Thanks... I guess. 459 00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,275 Hey, Triana. 460 00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:48,317 Kiss him. That would be so cute. 461 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,525 Aw, sweet. 462 00:18:49,608 --> 00:18:53,483 So tell me, is this the most humiliating moment of your life, or what? 463 00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:55,067 Easily. 464 00:18:56,108 --> 00:18:59,317 Let the girlfriend go! It's me you want. 465 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:00,733 Give me the boy, Monarch. 466 00:19:00,858 --> 00:19:02,358 The boy's with me now. 467 00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:05,067 He has tasted the fruits of supervillainy... 468 00:19:05,108 --> 00:19:06,358 and found them sweet. 469 00:19:06,442 --> 00:19:07,858 - No, I haven't. - OK, fine! 470 00:19:07,983 --> 00:19:11,733 Give me the girl or your precious Hank Venture dies! 471 00:19:11,858 --> 00:19:14,567 Monarch, we have transmission from the Venture compound. 472 00:19:15,025 --> 00:19:17,442 It's your father! Everybody scramble! 473 00:19:18,608 --> 00:19:20,358 Uh, act like nothing happened. 474 00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,108 Hold that transmission. 475 00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:23,775 Get these corpses out of here! 476 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:27,275 - Hello. Come in, Monarch. - Go, go, go! 477 00:19:27,358 --> 00:19:28,692 This is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. 478 00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:30,358 What is your status? Over. 479 00:19:30,483 --> 00:19:32,317 - And who may I say is calling? - Down, down! 480 00:19:32,692 --> 00:19:34,275 You know damn well who I am. 481 00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:35,775 I just said this is Dr. Thaddeus Venture. 482 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:36,983 Now put the Monarch on. 483 00:19:37,108 --> 00:19:38,275 Yes! This is the Monarch. 484 00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:39,983 Everything is super great and normal here. 485 00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:41,983 - What are you talking about? - Has your son died yet? 486 00:19:42,108 --> 00:19:42,858 Or was he faking it? 487 00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:44,608 No, he had a legitimate medical condition... 488 00:19:44,692 --> 00:19:45,608 and that's been solved. 489 00:19:45,692 --> 00:19:47,275 My testicles spun around. 490 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,775 Hey, Hank. I had emergency surgery. 491 00:19:49,942 --> 00:19:51,150 Dean, Daddy's talking now. 492 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,108 I'm ready to finish this business with you now... 493 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,608 so if we... what? Is that blood all over you? 494 00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:57,525 What's going on over there? 495 00:19:57,650 --> 00:19:59,900 Oh, this? This is... jelly. 496 00:20:00,025 --> 00:20:03,817 We were just enjoying a gift pack of assorted jams and preserves. 497 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,150 Yummy! 498 00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,650 Brock! Hank! 499 00:20:08,817 --> 00:20:10,400 Everything is fine, Doc. 500 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,067 - We just had a little... - Party! 501 00:20:12,192 --> 00:20:13,775 - We had a birthday party. - Hey, Pop! 502 00:20:13,858 --> 00:20:15,942 - Is that true, Hank? - I guess. Hey, Dean! 503 00:20:16,025 --> 00:20:17,858 Hank, I had my pubes shaved. 504 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,275 I'm gonna put them under my pillow for the tooth fairy! 505 00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:22,567 Did the doctor see that creepy dog dork of yours? 506 00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:24,608 Hank, don't brag to your brother about your circumcision. 507 00:20:24,692 --> 00:20:25,650 And what are you wearing? 508 00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:26,733 It's the Monarch's crown! 509 00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:27,567 We had a party. 510 00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:28,942 Look, this is ridiculous. 511 00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:31,233 I'm taking Dean back to the Amazon... 512 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,108 as per our arrangement. 513 00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:33,650 Over and out! 514 00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,692 Well, if it isn't the late Dr. Thaddeus Venture... 515 00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:37,317 blah, blah, blah. 516 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,942 Come on, get to the end part. 517 00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:40,275 I can't feel my hands. 518 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,442 Very well, Dr. Venture. 519 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:44,358 I, too, am anxious to see you severely mangled... 520 00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:49,025 for below you swims the dreaded candiru, a naughty little fish... 521 00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,608 with a penchant for swimming up a man's urethra. 522 00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:52,983 Come on, just do it. 523 00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:54,317 Oh, you're real fun. 524 00:20:54,692 --> 00:20:55,858 Cut the rope! 525 00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:59,858 And let them feel the sting of the Monarch! 526 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,775 Time-out! 527 00:21:29,483 --> 00:21:31,692 Go Team Venture! 528 00:21:35,567 --> 00:21:39,275 Testicular torsion isn't just something on TV. 529 00:21:39,608 --> 00:21:41,108 It's a real problem. 530 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:46,442 Testicular torsion occurs only in males usually under twenty-five years of age. 531 00:21:46,567 --> 00:21:49,525 If you're experiencing sharp pains in the scrotum... 532 00:21:49,733 --> 00:21:53,817 swelling in one or both testes, or even blood in your semen... 533 00:21:54,067 --> 00:21:56,692 your genitals are most likely dying. 534 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:58,192 That's right, Doc. 535 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:03,400 So if you want to keep them, you need to seek medical attention... 536 00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:08,900 as soon as you experience pain, like Hank and Dean here did. 537 00:22:09,067 --> 00:22:10,692 So don't be a jackass. 538 00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:12,067 Go see a doctor. 539 00:22:12,192 --> 00:22:17,025 If you want to keep your testicles healthy, remember these three words: 540 00:22:17,275 --> 00:22:18,317 Stop... 541 00:22:18,817 --> 00:22:19,775 Touch... 542 00:22:19,942 --> 00:22:21,317 And tell. 543 00:22:21,567 --> 00:22:26,192 To find out more about testicular torsion, you can look in special medical books. 544 00:22:26,317 --> 00:22:28,067 Or on the interweb.