1
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,233
Hello...
2
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,300
...Dr. Orpheus and team.
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:13,780
You have been approved for your very own
Guild-certified Supervillain.
4
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,180
Here at the Guild of Calamitous Intent...
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,651
your nemesis is our business.
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,814
But don't take our word on it,
right, Sovereign?
7
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:24,757
That's right, Ward. Since 1910...
8
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:28,990
the Guild has been providing
first-rate professional menace...
9
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:30,998
to all who qualify.
10
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,727
1910!
11
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That's a history you can trust.
12
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The Guild is the recognized leader
in organized havoc.
13
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Just look at these numbers!
14
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:45,376
Those are some
impressive figures, Sovereign.
15
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,075
Why would a hero
look anywhere else for a villain?
16
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,515
Hold on a minute, Ward.
Why doesn't...
17
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,519
...Dr. Orpheus and team...
18
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,817
just get his own costumed enemy?
19
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:57,551
Oh, watch.
Will you ever learn?
20
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:01,288
I think this little film
may help you understand.
21
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Pumpkin...
22
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who delivered this?
23
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Some guy in a winter coat
and Techno goggles.
24
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Only he had, like, pipes coming out of him.
25
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- Why, is the movie busted or something?
- No. It's just that...
26
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If it's "Splash," I put
it on your Netflix list.
27
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No, no, no. It's not that. "Splash?"
28
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- I just wanted to see it again.
- Why would you want? Hold on.
29
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Your scheduled screening
will take place at the time specified...
30
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and thank you for selecting
the Guild of Calamitous Intent...
31
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as the instrument of your demise.
32
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"Team"? "Lair"? I don't have...
33
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Today? Today?!
34
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,974
Cool beans. What is it?
35
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,574
It's a walking eye, Hank,
and the Government loves them.
36
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- What does it do?
- I don't know.
37
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Walking-eye stuff, whatever.
This isn't rocket science.
38
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It could be considered
a branch of rocket science.
39
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- Camera in the eye?
- Completely.
40
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,585
- So, it shoots lasers and stuff?
- Daddy's little man.
41
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,062
Probably a bucket
comes down for, like, water...
42
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,328
or even, like, monkeys
that could totally drive it.
43
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Thank you, Hank. Way to go.
44
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,528
I guess it would be good
for stealth reconnaissance.
45
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,734
Well, of course it would be good
for reconnaissance applications.
46
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:58,835
- Well, what does it do?
- Walking eye! That... Well...
47
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:02,076
It has a camera, iris-mounted lasers,
monkeyproof welding...
48
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:06,246
and silent stealth design that makes it
perfect for reconnaissance applications.
49
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,687
- You got that from us!
- Walking eye, Hank!
50
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,748
They're all the same.
I have it written down from yesterday.
51
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,659
What was that?
52
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,685
We've got a massive breach
at the main gates.
53
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:19,096
Of course! That is a walking eye.
Will you do something about it...
54
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:21,533
or do you want to finish
your Tetris game first?
55
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,834
Do something? Yeah.
I'm opening the secondary gates.
56
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,965
What the?
It's like hell on earth out there.
57
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,443
Yo, check it!
That car is totally shaped like a dragon.
58
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- Choppers!
- Guild wasps.
59
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I got to go deal with this.
They're landing in my herb garden.
60
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- Time to die, Jefferson Twilight.
- Sorry, man.
61
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:44,521
I just dropped off my laundry today.
Maybe we can do this next week.
62
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:45,752
It won't hurt a bit.
63
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,489
I recall the process
as being quite unpleasant...
64
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,690
but it's getting hard to remember.
65
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,859
It's been a while.
Two hundred years.
66
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,636
Dude, this is gonna...
67
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:02,198
Man, this is gonna
wicked, like, really hurt.
68
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,177
- Please don't!
- Need them for my necklace.
69
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,941
You want me to wait till
after I take your head off?
70
00:04:11,886 --> 00:04:13,114
Told you.
71
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,649
I haven't talked to you in, like, 16 years.
72
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:22,754
You suddenly show up and rescue my...
What gives? You rescued my situation.
73
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,696
That was a coincidence, dear friend.
74
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I am here to extend an offer
from the Guild of Calamitous Intent.
75
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,461
Get out. Approval?
A name-brand archenemy?
76
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,574
That took long enough,
but... this is so...
77
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,736
That is...
But, man, you had a kid...
78
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,975
got married, and got into that
"Balancing good and evil" crap.
79
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:44,143
My wife left me,
my daughter has a driver's license...
80
00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:48,178
and keeping the cosmos from chaos
lacks so much of the razzle-dazzle.
81
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,315
My peers perceive me as a layabout.
82
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:54,418
No, man. You have a secret identity.
That's classic comic stuff.
83
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:57,988
You're like Captain...
You're all Aquaman.
84
00:04:58,032 --> 00:05:00,398
Aquaman doesn't have
a secret identity.
85
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,800
- He's always Aquaman.
- OK. Bad example.
86
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,067
Nobody believes
that Aquaman is a stay-at-home dad.
87
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,097
Everybody knows
what Aquaman does.
88
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,871
I don't know what Aquaman does.
89
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,777
Doesn't he, like, protect
some lame, fake-ass kingdom?
90
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,576
I thought he fought Black Manta.
91
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,482
Come on!
Why won't he just die?
92
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,043
You got to remove his head,
but I get the teeth.
93
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:26,385
Dude, I was about to kill you!
I have dangerous catlike reflexes.
94
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,794
Oh, yeah. You were terrifying
when you crapped your pants.
95
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,990
What do you got there?
96
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,829
This, my friend, is our future.
Check it out.
97
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,995
Second-class arching license
and reassignment pass.
98
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:40,564
You're 6 feet and 135 pounds?
99
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:43,304
- Nobody reads it. You just flash it.
- You're joking.
100
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,711
- You would suck at arching on your own.
- That's why I made you one.
101
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:50,239
You can't say no till I show you
the piece de résistance.
102
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:52,582
Here's a hint.
Flying chick magnet.
103
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,087
Let me think about th...
104
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,147
No! I almost die every day
doing this job.
105
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,125
Come on. You got to.
106
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,889
You're telling me we can't do
this better than The Monarch?
107
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,193
Yes! Exactly that.
108
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,723
Do you have any idea
how ruthless The Monarch is?
109
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:11,033
I don't blame you for desiring me.
110
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,438
The Monarch is delicious. Now say it!
111
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,500
- I need my King Butterfly.
- Deeper.
112
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,170
- I need my...
- Deeper.
113
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,770
- I need...
- No. Deeper.
114
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,213
...butterfly.
- Deeper, way deeper.
115
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,910
- Butterfly.
- Deeper.
116
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,043
- King...
- Deeper.
117
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,518
...butterfly.
- It's deeper.
118
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:30,182
I need my butterfly.
119
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,589
King Butterfly!
120
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,423
- I need my King...
- Deeper.
121
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,929
Deeper than that. Way deeper.
122
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,956
So, you share a lair with Dr. Orpheus?
123
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:44,027
- Hardly. He rents an apartment from me.
- I can't believe that we are standing...
124
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,234
in the same conference room
the Treaty of Tolerance was signed in.
125
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,710
Yes. So cool.
Your father is a legend at the Guild.
126
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,904
Yeah. Legend.
127
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,106
He's responsible
for stealing my father's leg.
128
00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:55,410
Don't start me!
129
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,475
The real Dr. Venture
is why I got into this business.
130
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,350
Just keep the nuts away from my lab...
131
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:03,481
because I have some pretty
impressive things going on in there.
132
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,153
No. Shut up.
133
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:08,821
Yeah. We'll do our best
to keep him away from your...
134
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,490
- Impressive.
- Yeah. Impressive stuff.
135
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,966
You better.
Where's Mr. Magic?
136
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,834
How come the prom queen
isn't here to crown his king?
137
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,168
- He's astral-projecting, I think.
- Showoff.
138
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,141
- To assemble his team.
- A team?
139
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:26,510
You mean, he was approved
as a team? What a wuss!
140
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,475
Jealous.
141
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:34,382
The Alchemist, I presume.
142
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:38,016
Byron Orpheus,
you old bag of salt crackers!
143
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:41,118
- How long has it been?
- Too long, my friend.
144
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,688
Let me in. I can't astral-project
because I'm not magic.
145
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:50,267
Knew it. Still all on that stool
and looking for the Philosopher's Stone.
146
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:52,898
I see that, right there.
147
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,671
The Philosopher's Stone
is a metaphor for enlightenment.
148
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,406
So, in a way, yes,
I am searching for it.
149
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,676
In the cure for AIDS.
150
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,946
Noble. Now I feel
a little stupid for asking you this.
151
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,385
So you're still... you know.
152
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,912
Nah, I grew out of that.
Yeah, you know...
153
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,618
It was just a phase, and I...
154
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,116
- No. Of course I am. Hello?
- Hey, just asking.
155
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:19,929
We're thinking of reforming
the Order of the Triad!
156
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:23,027
I... we have been approved
for an archvillain.
157
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,401
Great! I'm in.
158
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:27,896
- But what of your most important work?
- I need the publicity.
159
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:31,104
You know, nothing gets the people
in your corner like that hero crap.
160
00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:33,170
- See?
- What? I'm here, aren't I?
161
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,272
Plus, I could use the exercise.
162
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,512
I don't know about you guys,
but I'm getting a little paunchy.
163
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,715
Tell me about it.
At least you have a robe to hide it.
164
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,087
Oh, come on.
Black is slimming. No. No.
165
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,752
I mean, black clothing is slimming.
166
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,194
You gentlemen
should switch to pinstripes.
167
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,288
It leads the eye down.
168
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,231
Hank, I need to speak
to your brother alone.
169
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,900
- You told us we can't leave our room.
- Go sit in the bathroom.
170
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,772
- And do what?
- Wash your face or something.
171
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,471
You don't take care of your pimples...
172
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,002
you'll end up like F. Murray Abraham
or Edward Olmos.
173
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,949
Do you want to look like somebody
made your face out of a beige orange peel?
174
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:15,284
All right, Dean. I need to talk
about a few things with you.
175
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,051
- Hank did it.
- Not that.
176
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,422
Dr. Orpheus asked me
to watch his daughter...
177
00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:22,190
which your father can't do
because he doesn't care to.
178
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,629
So, I want you and Hank
to entertain her today.
179
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,657
Triana? So you want us
to put on a show for her?
180
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,295
Should we write a script,
or do something she knows?
181
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:34,239
- Oh, my goodness. We need costumes!
- I thought you would react this way.
182
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:37,209
Now sit down and
let me explain something...
183
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,839
that every boy your age has known
for, like, five years.
184
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:52,492
And there she is. You can see her right
there writhing on the hood of the car.
185
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:57,463
- What was David Coverdale to do?
- Break up... White Lion?
186
00:09:57,498 --> 00:09:59,398
That's Whitesnake,
Dean, and yes.
187
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:04,132
Both Brock and I lay the blame squarely
on Tawny's hot, silky shoulders.
188
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,729
Now, let that be a lesson to you.
189
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:09,105
- About what?
- I'm so glad we had this talk.
190
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,009
Are those what I think they are?
191
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,015
Only if you think they're jet packs
because those are jet packs.
192
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,677
- Where'd you get those?
- Spoils of war, my friend.
193
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,516
Yeah. Sergeant Hatred's, I think.
194
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,920
Please tell me you
filed them with Supplies.
195
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,187
Oh, my God, when did you
become such a dainty little flower?
196
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,185
When the idiot I work with
forged documents and stole jet packs!
197
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,563
Look. You telling me you don't want
to fly into some chick's window...
198
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:37,627
all super cool with, like,
a three-day beard and a... jet pack?
199
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,299
- Granted, that is kind of sweet.
- It is so sweet.
200
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,969
- We'll need costumes.
- Got them, and they are so leather.
201
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,639
I'll be totally flying
into some hot chick's bedroom.
202
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:51,083
Totally, and she'd be dating the good guy,
and I'll come in, and I'll be all...
203
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:55,350
"I'll spare his life
but only for you, sugar pants."
204
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,550
Dude, and then
you will have sex!
205
00:10:57,591 --> 00:11:00,458
You will be having sex. Sex!
206
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:04,359
Get out of my sight.
The money is on the bed stand.
207
00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:07,026
- You'll find its amount generous.
- Thanks, sugar.
208
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,126
Can you give me directions
to Liberty Street?
209
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,602
Listen and listen well!
210
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,470
The road before you
is beset with many perils.
211
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,805
Every turn you make
will bring you closer...
212
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,811
to the cold,
waiting hands of sister fate.
213
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:22,178
Or just the center of town?
Do you have a pen?
214
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,877
- Maybe I should...
- Bear me, Theseus...
215
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,546
for I am the mighty Minotaur!
216
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:37,392
This cocoon
has witnessed your sins...
217
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:39,661
and she seeks vengeance.
218
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,032
The cocoon
will punish the wicked.
219
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:45,368
The cocoon
will reward the righteous.
220
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,999
You must escape from her grasp.
221
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,339
You must earn your freedom!
222
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,675
Dude, I really don't have time.
223
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:57,179
How much do you want to live?
224
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,589
Looks like we're up
for the same arch.
225
00:12:06,627 --> 00:12:09,755
- I'm the Intangible Fancy.
- Torrid.
226
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,128
Fire theme. Lucky duck.
227
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:15,225
Lots of costume options
with a fire theme.
228
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,396
Guys like me,
we can't even wear costumes.
229
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,769
Do you have?
230
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,104
Genitals? Not anymore.
231
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,641
- Why, isn't that Dr. Venture's lab?
- Yes. I believe it is.
232
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,615
Save my place in the queue.
233
00:12:29,650 --> 00:12:32,448
There's something I feel I must do.
234
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:35,649
Something... torrid.
235
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:39,386
Well, we'll keep
your resume on file...
236
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,394
and we'll get back to you.
237
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,225
OK. Thanks for your time.
238
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,630
Wait. I have a question. What?
What is that on your head?
239
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,225
- That like a rudder?
- Yeah. Right.
240
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:52,261
What, do you steer with your head
or something? That's just dumb.
241
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,999
Comes out like easy cheese.
242
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:59,274
Got to get back
on the benzoyl-peroxide train.
243
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:02,846
Don't bother to knock or anything.
244
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,111
Bloody hell!
245
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,279
Dean!
246
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:14,293
Dude, you said
you had leather costumes.
247
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,227
The pads are leather.
Leatherlike.
248
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,858
Where did you get these things
and why is there a bowl on my helmet?
249
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,391
Yeah. I was on Family Double Dare
Totally swiped it.
250
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:25,269
Yeah. Well, that makes me
feel better about all the stains.
251
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,967
Yeah. That's gak.
You know, physical challenge?
252
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:30,135
- All right. Let's do this. Ready?
- Thank God!
253
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,408
A guy can only wear a jet pack
for so long without using it.
254
00:13:34,448 --> 00:13:36,245
Dude! My shoe's on fire!
255
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,581
I just lit my shoes on fire!
256
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:39,744
Wait up!
257
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,451
It's not working!
258
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,516
Hold on! Time!
259
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,960
Yes. I only hunt Blackulas.
260
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,361
So you only hunt
African-American vampires.
261
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,457
No. Sometimes
I hunt British vampires.
262
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,695
They don't have
African-Americans in England.
263
00:13:55,736 --> 00:13:57,328
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good point.
264
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,861
- So I hunt Blackulas.
- I was just trying to be...
265
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:03,967
I specialize in hunting black vampires.
I don't know what the PC name for that is.
266
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,773
Is that a mask?
267
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,747
Oh, my God,
I was just gonna ask that!
268
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:14,543
What a fascinating puritan you are,
Lady Windermere.
269
00:14:14,588 --> 00:14:18,080
The adjective was unnecessary,
Lord Darlington.
270
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:19,319
I couldn't help it.
271
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,192
I can resist everything
except temptation.
272
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,925
You have the modern
affectation of weakness.
273
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:29,231
It's only an affectation,
Lady Win... Winder... Windermere.
274
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:33,167
Hank, come on.
Enter the Duchess of Berwick!
275
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,107
I'm in the bathroom,
and you got to get in here.
276
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:40,443
It smells like gunpowder
throw-up poo-poo eggs.
277
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,005
Oh, that's my exit.
Dean, you owe me one.
278
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,882
Triana, you feel like playing
Lord whatever-the-hell?
279
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,812
No, not really.
280
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,652
Brock, you can't go.
You're also Lady Agatha.
281
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:54,217
No, Dean. For serious,
come smell this already!
282
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,958
OK, Curse.
Was it Curse or Chris?
283
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,932
Curse. We can use magic, right?
284
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:01,126
That's kind of my bag.
285
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,227
- Of course.
- Absolutely.
286
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,135
- Bring it on.
- Magic is a plus.
287
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,265
On three, we give him
the old Rochambeau.
288
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,706
Rock, paper, scissors?
289
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:12,269
What does a General from the American
Revolution have to do with this?
290
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:15,475
American Revolution?
"Rochambeau" sounds French to me.
291
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,949
Well, yes.
The Franco-American forces...
292
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:19,884
They fought with Spaghetti-Os
and meatballs?
293
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:24,357
Why would a company called
"Franco-American" make Italian food?
294
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,587
Dijnam stopeus.
295
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,323
O spiritus sancti.
296
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,323
Yeah.
297
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,893
OK, gentlemen.
That ruled.
298
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,235
- Was that the Rochambeau?
- No.
299
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,967
It really should be!
300
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:46,645
But which door to choose?
301
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:51,276
That one could have fun, surprises, and a
year's supply of turtle wax behind it.
302
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:54,685
Or the polar bear from Lost.
303
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:57,053
Probably not the best idea, Doc.
304
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,615
You said everything
is running itself over there.
305
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:03,459
Don't you remember telling me
that nobody cares about my walking eye?
306
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,363
Well, I didn't mean
for you to take it outside.
307
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,232
- Needs air.
- All right. Watch your head.
308
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,965
What's up with your outfit?
Did you have an away game?
309
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,371
Helping Dean put on the worst version...
310
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:18,639
of Lady Windermere"s Fan
to impress Triana.
311
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,236
Said it was your idea.
312
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,249
Hardly. I was trying to tell him
about the birds and the bees.
313
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,513
Yeah. How did that work out for you?
314
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,782
He staged Lady Windermere's Fan.
315
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:31,882
You should see a doctor! It smells like
you pounded garbage into your butt.
316
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,383
Knock it off!
We have a mystery in our bathroom.
317
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:38,625
Query. Can flames
come out of a toilet?
318
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,156
- Hank, if you did this...
- I didn't.
319
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,762
Dude, if I did this, I would tell you.
I would be, like, almost proud of this.
320
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,534
You guys have been
in there for, like, an hour.
321
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,474
What are you doing in th...
322
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,534
Hank, what is wrong with you?
323
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,046
Right? It smells like
a Bible story in here.
324
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,241
Did my grandpa teach you to crap?
325
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:57,648
We should get Brock.
326
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,346
Every time there's
a super cool mystery to solve...
327
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,981
you go get a grownup. Lame!
328
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,115
Thank you, Brock.
329
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:07,593
Thanks for helping me
with the walking eye.
330
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,528
Look at this walking eye.
331
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:14,397
It's filthy.
Guess I should wash off my...
332
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,732
walking eye.
333
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,442
- Well, just retrace your steps.
- Yeah. Retrace your...
334
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,316
Man, she is good.
335
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,878
I was standing out here...
336
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:39,050
and I think somebody
was on the toilet.
337
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,550
Then I opened the door.
338
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,029
- I killed your girlfriend!
- She's my girlfriend?
339
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:47,033
Probably, before I killed her.
340
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,428
Why is he doing this?
341
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:55,271
"Down, still unceasingly,
still inevitably down!
342
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,936
"Still I quivered in every nerve...
343
00:17:57,978 --> 00:18:01,038
"to think how slight
a sinking of the machinery...
344
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:05,040
"would precipitate the keen,
glistening axe upon my bosom."
345
00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:09,715
I could chase that around. Oh, yeah.
346
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,987
Team of three, impressive resume,
you seem perfect.
347
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:15,290
But I can't stop thinking
that I know you, Miss...
348
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:17,819
- Au Pair. It's Lady Au Pair.
- Goodness Gracious.
349
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,729
- Oh, my...
- Feminine.
350
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,735
And these are my Murderous Moppets
and you don't know me.
351
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,567
That's a voice! Do you smoke
cigarettes or do you eat them?
352
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:29,063
Oh, forget it. All right. I'm...
Good-bye.
353
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,770
Anybody want a moppet?
354
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,335
- We have to get Dr. O.
- Yeah. Good plan.
355
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:37,510
"Oh, hey, 'sup, Dr. O?
So, yeah, we... accidentally killed Triana."
356
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,110
Come on, Dean.
We have to do this.
357
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,383
You're right.
List our clues again.
358
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:45,289
One, goth chick
catches fire and disappears.
359
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,954
Two, no smoldering body beating
"kill me, kill me" in Morse code...
360
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:51,122
...with what is left of her head.
- Stop it!
361
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:54,759
Three, the smell of a dumpster
full of burning diapers.
362
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,393
- And four...
- Wait a minute.
363
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,633
Run the shower and only the hot.
364
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:06,475
- Just as I thought!
- You're a genius.
365
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:08,674
- It's Triana's handwriting.
- How can you tell?
366
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:11,912
She dotted her "i" with a big circle.
That's a total chick move.
367
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:17,856
It says, "I'm in the torrid zone.
Tell my feather."
368
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,688
We have to find her feather!
369
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:23,127
Give it up already.
You could take a bus.
370
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:27,031
Dude, Jet Boy and Jet Girl
do not take buses.
371
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:30,195
Last time, we are not
Jet Boy and Jet Girl.
372
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:33,535
I don't care if I get to be Jet Boy.
Those names suck.
373
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,542
But it's a French song,
street cred with the indie crowd.
374
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,203
The Damned do a cover of it.
375
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:41,873
Then we should be The Damned.
That is a way cooler name.
376
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:44,543
You may sit down,
if you would be more comfort...
377
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:48,042
I shall stand.
Sitting is for the weak and feeble.
378
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:50,181
I like this guy.
He's all full of...
379
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,953
- What? I feel like standing.
...full of beans...
380
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:56,519
- I happen to have back pain.
...and ants, fire ants.
381
00:19:56,563 --> 00:20:01,933
So, what kind of... menace do you think
you could offer the Order of the Triad?
382
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:05,870
- I've kidnapped your daughter.
- Balls, brass balls.
383
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:09,341
You kidnapped my pumpkin!
384
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:12,867
- We have a winner.
- The guy is not even a Blackula.
385
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,378
Right. That eye
is crawling with villains.
386
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:20,443
Yeah. They gave up on Orpheus
and his little kaffeeklatsch.
387
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,684
Oh, they know a real archrival
when they see one.
388
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,850
- You want a sandwich?
- No. I ate already.
389
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:29,623
You... want me to rescue it
or something, pull them off it?
390
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,495
There's Guild Security out there
shooting foam at them.
391
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,558
Between you and me,
the stupid thing hardly worked, anyway.
392
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:38,969
But when word of this gets out,
business will pick right up.
393
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,769
Well, I'm gonna go out there
and get some of that action.
394
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:43,742
- Don't you want to change?
- No way.
395
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:48,008
I love wearing a tux when I kill guys.
Makes you kind of feel like James Bond.
396
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,780
So, who's the lucky winner?
397
00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:55,219
A fetid little firebrand
named Torrid.
398
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,452
Yeah. The son of a bitch kidnapped
his daughter to the torrid zone.
399
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:01,392
Torrid zone. So butch!
400
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,759
- I solved that mystery.
- Yes, you did.
401
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:07,459
You see, the torrid zone
is merely the area between...
402
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,628
the Tropic of Cancer
and the Tropic of Capricorn.
403
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:15,334
I own an island there
in the Great Barrier Reef.
404
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:17,741
So, Triana is safe
on Orpheus Island...
405
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,268
sunning herself in a bikini...
406
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:25,273
and oiling her ski...
her skin down in her bikini.
407
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:28,014
Dude, what the?
What are you doing up there?
408
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:31,114
OK. Time to get off my shoulders.
409
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:36,527
I just want to commend you...
on accepting Hank for who he really is.
410
00:21:36,563 --> 00:21:39,589
Let's show Mr. Venture our thing.
411
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:44,425
The Order of the Triad, go!
412
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:45,528
Get out of my kitchen.
413
00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:15,997
We can still do this, Jet Boy.
414
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:19,402
I can't hear you
because I hate you.
415
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,002
You coming, Jet Girl?
416
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:27,710
No! No! Not again!
417
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,844
I can't believe that
whore stole my stanza.
418
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:34,580
I can't believe that whore
made it through the Lake of Acid.