1 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,489 No one ever imagined we would make it this far. 2 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:17,278 ♪ I guess all the mountains that I moved just weren't enough ♪ 3 00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:20,237 ♪ And all those nights I walked you home ♪ 4 00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:21,412 ♪ From crowded bars when you were drunk ♪ 5 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:24,720 Incision-less surgeries, 4D imaging, 6 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:28,898 mechanical organs, stem cell therapy... 7 00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:33,511 ♪ And I just wonder what it'd take to make you stay ♪ 8 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:38,821 ♪ 'Cause when you said jump, I said how high ♪ 9 00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:42,216 ♪ But when I jumped, you said goodbye ♪ 10 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:45,132 Every medical innovation seemed impossible, 11 00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:47,351 unimaginable until it was achieved. 12 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:51,921 ♪ I would've walked through hell ♪ 13 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:55,142 And luckily, we haven't stopped making advancements. 14 00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:58,101 Your recent COVID test has come back negative, 15 00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,625 your ABG's improved, 16 00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:03,106 your RSBI looks promising, 17 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,847 and oxygen requirements have decreased. 18 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,588 If you keep this up, 19 00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:09,112 I may just try weaning you off the vent later today. 20 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:13,116 Because the other side of the unimaginable is death. 21 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,639 And the pain that comes with loss. 22 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:15,988 Dr. Altman? 23 00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:18,078 ♪ Without you here tonight 24 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:19,818 Bailey said you'd need some help 25 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,125 covering the COVID ICU since-- 26 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:25,781 since we lost--Yeah, uh-- uh, o-okay. 27 00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:28,175 Thank you. ♪ Nothing I can do 28 00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:31,656 ♪ 'Cause you don't wanna try ♪ 29 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,919 And that side never stops coming. 30 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,052 We need some good news, Meredith. 31 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,968 Please, just... we really need some good news. 32 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,230 ♪ I would've walked through hell ♪ 33 00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,537 ♪ To find another way 34 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,844 ♪ I would've laid me down 35 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:46,976 It's you again! 36 00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,151 ♪ If I knew that you would stay ♪ 37 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:51,763 ♪ I would've crossed the stars 38 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:54,070 ♪ To keep you in my life 39 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,508 ♪ But now I'm falling hard 40 00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,597 ♪ Without you here tonight 41 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:04,080 Captioning provided by ABC Studios and ABC, Inc. 42 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,648 and brought to you by: Ford, Built Ford Proud 43 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,782 You going in today? 44 00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,088 Day off. 45 00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:19,313 Hey, if I say something, can you not judge me? 46 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,532 Because we're friends who bang, not friends who judge. 47 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,230 Mm, I have wrapped my head 48 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:24,492 around the concept, yeah. 49 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:28,539 I need joy in my life. 50 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,890 Val died, 51 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,284 and DeLuca... 52 00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,199 I can't even say it yet. 53 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:39,115 And I physically have no more room left in my body 54 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,203 for sadness. 55 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:44,338 So I am switching specialties to OB 56 00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:48,255 and all I need from you is encouragement. 57 00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,865 You thought I would judge you for that? 58 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,780 I literally spend all day every day at work 59 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,651 wanting to walk out that door 60 00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:56,480 just to go off into the woods by myself hiking for three months 61 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,178 until there's a vaccine. 62 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,745 There's not gonna be a vaccine in three months. 63 00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,094 I'm sorry-- you just said no judging. 64 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:05,097 I know, but that's just ridiculous. 65 00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:08,231 Wait, so, you for real about switching specialties? 66 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,885 Yes. 67 00:03:09,928 --> 00:03:11,800 Wow. Yeah. 68 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,153 What was that? 69 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,763 In lieu of confetti. 70 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:26,336 ♪ I walked outside and got kissed with a gentle breeze ♪ 71 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:29,426 ♪ The sunshine and roses gave me everything I need ♪ 72 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,732 ♪ I feel alive You okay? 73 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,256 No. 74 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,997 The kids loved Andrew. 75 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,259 He used to play his guitar for them 76 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,782 and teach them songs in Italian. 77 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,523 He brought gelato to every birthday. 78 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,525 And every half-birthday. 79 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,745 Which all three of these kids now think is an actual thing. 80 00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:47,314 I'm just so sorry. 81 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:48,489 For all of you. 82 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,230 Aunt Maggie! It's your turn! 83 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:53,320 Okay, Zozo. 84 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:54,364 I'll be there. 85 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,236 Know what? 86 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,717 I think this crowd could benefit from some new East Coast moves. 87 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,632 Ndugu moves. What do you say, Zola? 88 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:03,243 Gimme a shot? Yeah! 89 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,418 Alright. Make room. 90 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,027 ♪ Lucky today 91 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,289 Unh! 92 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,558 ♪ I'm feeling lucky today Hey! Yeah? 93 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,430 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 94 00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,301 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh 95 00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:21,086 Ooh, ooh! Come on! ♪ Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling... ♪ 96 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,786 And I just wish I had the chance to thank him for it. 97 00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,312 Do you think that was okay? 98 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:32,141 It's a video tribute for someone whose brother got murdered. 99 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,274 Nothing's "okay." 100 00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:37,668 But funerals no longer exist, so... 101 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,148 Do you want me to record yours? 102 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,932 I'm, um... 103 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,022 Yeah, just, um... 104 00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,110 No. 105 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,724 And, uh, later today, I need you to meet a team... 106 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,595 ...from county at the loading dock. 107 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,945 We're giving them PPE. 108 00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,600 They're wearing trash bags over there. 109 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,863 Mm. 110 00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,822 Do we have extra PPE? 111 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,520 We have more than others. Which is extra. 112 00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,348 When was the last timeyou were home? 113 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,871 Hunt! Yeah, Altman. Come in. 114 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,656 Meredith's stable. 115 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:12,137 I'm actually gonna try to reduce her vent settings today. 116 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,051 I'm hopeful. 117 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,575 Hunt, how are we with beds? 118 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:18,535 The normal COVID floor capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay. 119 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:22,191 Morale is pretty low with DeLuca... 120 00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:23,801 It's hit everyone pretty hard. 121 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:27,239 Well, I expect DeLuca's autopsy results 122 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,328 by the end of the day. 123 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,419 You asked for his results? Why? 124 00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:34,116 Andrew DeLuca was one of our own. 125 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,596 Obviously, something went wrong. 126 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,162 I want to know what that was. 127 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,122 That's all. 128 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:49,392 Bailey, I already told you every step of what happened. 129 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:54,441 Well after I could have done something to change the outcome. 130 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,225 Shut the door on your way out. 131 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:57,400 Yes? 132 00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:00,664 Yeah. 133 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:01,883 Alright. 134 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,934 Dr. Connor to the ICU.Thank you for coming with me. 135 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,414 I wouldn't miss it. 136 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,676 I have privileges, right? 137 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,548 My department, my world. 138 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:15,940 Dr. Gruber to the OR. 139 00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,377 Helm, what do we got? Dr. Gruber to the OR. 140 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:21,642 Byron Gibbis, 52, found passed out on his front porch. 141 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,905 He's febrile, tachycardic. I also heard a big murmur. 142 00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,428 Rapid COVID was negative, 143 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,561 no signs of head trauma, but I did order a pan scan. 144 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,127 Let's add a cardiac CT. 145 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,825 Um, do you work here? 146 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,000 Dr. Winston Ndugu, 147 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:33,784 cardiothoracic surgeon from Tufts. 148 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,178 He's got Osler's nodes. 149 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,749 Oh, my God. My God. 150 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,794 Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce. You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial. 151 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:44,969 You were found unconscious, and an ambulance-- 152 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,362 Get away from me! Okay-- 153 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,798 No, I'm serious. Everybody back up, okay? 154 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,365 I'm not getting COVID. Where are my clothes? 155 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,322 Sir, please just-- 156 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:51,846 Everybody here is sick. 157 00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:52,977 Oh, God. 158 00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,110 Okay, Byron,I know that this is a shock 159 00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,459 and I know that you're scared, 160 00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,808 but if we don't geta look at your heart, 161 00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,288 you may not make it home. 162 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,594 We have all been tested. 163 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,900 If you need a maskor if you need a face shield, 164 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:03,988 we can get you whatever you need. 165 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,208 But, please, just stay. 166 00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:08,036 I was so good. 167 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,254 I didn't go anywhere. 168 00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,126 Let's get you ready for CT. 169 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,480 One minute I'm sad, 'cause I think about his sister 170 00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:20,788 and his family and what a great guy he was. 171 00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,268 Next minute, I'm filled with guilt. 172 00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,618 Then I'm filled with rage. 173 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,055 That a person could 174 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,754 do thatto another human being. 175 00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:33,627 I'm scared. Hopeless. Sometimes numb. 176 00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,324 I can always go backto guilt. 177 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,500 Guilt is my go-to. 178 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,503 My go-to is numb. 179 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,505 Wow. 180 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,855 Did you just describe exactly what was wrong 181 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:46,509 with our relationship in only five words? 182 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,426 I think maybe I just did. 183 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,127 I just... DeLuca. I... 184 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,742 I-I just can't get my head around it. 185 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:12,448 What is this? 186 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,189 Looks like whiskey. 187 00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,147 Mm, what was it doing 188 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,628 on the top shelf behind the fancy candlesticks? 189 00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:19,890 What were you doing on the top shelf 190 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,370 behind the fancy candlesticks? 191 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:22,632 Are you drunk? 192 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:23,981 It's 9:00 in the morning. 193 00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,592 Plenty of people get drunk at 9:00 in the morning. 194 00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,551 Yeah, well, not me, Amelia. 195 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,466 I live at home with four kids. 196 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,990 Sometimes late at night... 197 00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,123 ...I have a drink in the garage and I play my guitar. 198 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,385 We're in a pandemic. 199 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,127 You drink in the garage? Do you hear yourself? 200 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,345 Do youhear yourself? 201 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,826 Hiding alcohol is an objectively bad sign. 202 00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,046 Or it's a sign that I'm trying to be respectful of you. 203 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,874 If you have a problem, you can talk to me. 204 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,311 I'm, like, literally the best person in the world 205 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:52,314 you could talk to. Do you know stressed out I am? All the time? 206 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,359 And now on top of everything, if it wasn't hard enough, 207 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,623 now I have to make sure that I don't accidentally mention 208 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,363 that their friend Andrew was stabbed to death 209 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,017 by somebody who sells children for sex. 210 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,237 Okay, that is all of us. That is not just you. 211 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,805 And not all of us have to drink to cope. 212 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,676 You don't haveto, or you don't getto? 213 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,331 Because I get to. Because I'm not an alcoholic. 214 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,637 I'm not in recovery and-- 215 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,118 Y'know what? 216 00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:15,598 I can't be here right now. 217 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,731 You're leaving? Yes. 218 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,559 Because I don't want to say something that I might regret. 219 00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,039 Because I love you and because I'm a good guy. 220 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,346 But sometimes, Amelia, you drive me insane. 221 00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:25,608 And-- And this is one of those times. 222 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,567 So, yes, I'm leaving. 223 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,222 And I'm taking this with me. 224 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,790 Oh, and, uh, just so we're clear... 225 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:36,750 I'm coming back. 226 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,752 Because I'm not a bad guy! 227 00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:47,151 No pressure, Grey, but we really need you to pull through this. 228 00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,198 This place can't stand another loss. 229 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,243 Are we ready? 230 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,636 I'm gonna lighten her sedation... 231 00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,771 ...and then gradually turn down all of her settings. 232 00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,382 And if she tolerates it, then we'll move forward 233 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,123 with spontaneous breathing trials. 234 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,733 Dr. Altman, I'm more than able to handle this 235 00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,343 with the respiratory therapist. 236 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,736 Maybe you should get some rest. 237 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,651 I know how closely you worked with Dr. DeLuca. 238 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:11,611 Which has nothing to do with getting Meredith off the vent. 239 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,316 Come on, Grey. 240 00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,581 Come on, Grey, you can do this. 241 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,498 You look just like Ellis just now, 242 00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,891 the way you're looking at your feet. 243 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,066 So serious. 244 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:34,285 Then she gets that worried little brow. 245 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:38,899 This is torture! 246 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,378 You're right here, and I can't-- 247 00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:41,684 It's torture! 248 00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,686 It's a torture of your own devising. 249 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,296 You were always good at that. 250 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,950 Good at what? 251 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,212 Torturing yourself. 252 00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,475 I don't do that as much anymore. 253 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,874 You never got to meet Ellis. 254 00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,484 We didn't even know. 255 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,486 I wish you got to know her. 256 00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,619 She looks just like you. 257 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,926 She breaks the rules just like you. 258 00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:09,364 And she's quick to anger. And quick to laugh. 259 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:14,456 And she's smart and pensive and stubborn, just like you. 260 00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:18,982 Hates pink and purple, loves brown and green, 261 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,202 and-- and gets enraged at the thought 262 00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:23,117 of anybody wanting to cut down a tree. 263 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,477 Is-- Is this thing clean? 264 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,566 People say you can't get sick from surfaces, but you can. 265 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:40,003 We thoroughly disinfect the entire room 266 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,135 in between patients. 267 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,703 Sir? Just-- I need a minute, okay? 268 00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:45,487 Can I leave my face shield on, please? 269 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,577 Sure.Oh, God. 270 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,753 If you'd like, I can stay with you. 271 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,537 I can hold your foot or--No, no, no, no. I don't want anybody touching me. 272 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,148 Nobody touches me, okay? 273 00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:57,412 Osler's nodes, so...endocarditis. 274 00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,675 Yes, but what is the underlying cause? 275 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,416 He denies intravenous drug use, 276 00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:04,114 there's no indwelling catheter, no diabetes-- 277 00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:06,203 He said he hasn't left his house since lockdown, right? 278 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,596 May I? 279 00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:12,253 Hey, Byron.Yeah? 280 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:14,037 Have you had any trouble with your teeth lately? 281 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,910 I had a-- a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth, 282 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,346 and I picked it out with a paperclip 283 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,043 and-- and now my gums are a little sore, 284 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,610 but I-I'm not going to the dentist. 285 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,394 I'm not gonna lay there with my mouth open for 20 minutes 286 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,569 inhaling somebody's spit droplets. 287 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,571 No way.Bingo. 288 00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:30,488 Dental infection, which led to bacterial endocarditis. 289 00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:34,188 Aortic valve abscess almost completely blocking the valves. 290 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,407 Helm, order some antibiotics and book an OR. 291 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,542 I thought of it. 292 00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:41,543 You just said it first. 293 00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,545 Oh, yeah, I believe you. 294 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,242 100%. 295 00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:52,423 Were you looking for me, dear? 296 00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,947 Yeah, I was. Yeah. 297 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,171 You know, I built my life, 298 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,738 my sanity, 299 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,785 my sobriety... 300 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:08,309 around the surrender to a higher power. 301 00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,833 I mean, for me, 302 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:14,837 it's the belief that there's some purpose. 303 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:19,973 That there's a-- a bigger plan. 304 00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:23,454 Something that if I got all the way above it 305 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,369 and could look down on it 306 00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,719 like, um-- 307 00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:30,200 like a jigsaw puzzle, okay? Mm. 308 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:33,290 That somehow it would-- it would make sense. 309 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:35,945 My faith is rooted in the trust 310 00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:40,297 that there's a-- a meaning and a wisdom 311 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:44,867 that I'm just not elevated enough to see or understand. 312 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:48,349 A faith that whoever made this puzzle, 313 00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,307 it makes sense to Him. 314 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,833 And it's beautiful.Mm. 315 00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,315 Today, I'm-- I'm struggling. 316 00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:01,928 I'm struggling with my faith. 317 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,669 I'm struggling to trust anything. 318 00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:12,547 And I just cannot see any wisdom in this. 319 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:20,337 I live with stage 4 cancer. 320 00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,993 A cancer very few people survive. 321 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:26,691 I just got the results from my latest scan, 322 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:29,825 and...nothing has grown. 323 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,133 It makes no sense. 324 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,525 Everywhere we look, 325 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,964 someone is dying that was healthy yesterday. 326 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:41,271 It makes no sense. 327 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:45,101 "Puzzle" is the right word. 328 00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:51,629 You can look for the pain, the lost, the unbearable. 329 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:56,112 Or you can look for the beauty, the grace... 330 00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,419 the miracle. 331 00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:02,249 And nothing grew? 332 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,860 Nothing grew. 333 00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:12,476 Okay, so, I know that people buy and trade 334 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,262 and get rich and then just lose everything. 335 00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:18,221 But what exactly is the stock market? 336 00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,397 It's a good thing you already know how to live out of a car. 337 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,182 Why? Well, questions like that 338 00:15:22,225 --> 00:15:23,618 make me think you're gonna end up back in one. 339 00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:30,494 Uh... who is it? 340 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,583 It's Jackson Avery! 341 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,237 I'm here for a quick bang. 342 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,717 I-- Jo! 343 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,805 I... 344 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,986 Shut up. 345 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,901 Bad time? 346 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,427 Oh, crap. 347 00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:52,429 Hey.Really bad time. 348 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:54,431 Um, I brought whiskey. 349 00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,086 Oh, we're day drinking. Ah! 350 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,914 Sorry, dude. I didn't realize, uh... 351 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,872 No, no, it's cool. 352 00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:03,136 Guess you're aware of our... situation, then. 353 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,268 Yep. Sweet deal. 354 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,489 Here. 355 00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:09,881 Oh, no, I'm on, uh, call. 356 00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,753 Oh! Dibs. 357 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,668 Okay. Cheers. 358 00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:16,453 Happy... 359 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:17,672 all-our-friends-are-dying day. 360 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,291 I told him we'd move as fast as was safely possible. 361 00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:31,599 His echo showed his ejection fraction at 64%, 362 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:34,558 so hopefully his heart is strong enough to have a good outcome. 363 00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:36,821 Who cleans his teeth with a paperclip? 364 00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:39,085 Isolation makes people do crazy things. 365 00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,391 We're not meant to be alone. 366 00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,741 People physically need people. 367 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,010 Oh, no, no! Don't-- Don't-- Don't touch me! 368 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,099 Just back away! Please, everybody, back away. 369 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,579 Dr. Pierce! I'm sorry. I can't be here! 370 00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:58,321 I can't do this. I can't! Get away from me! Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce. 371 00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,236 Dr. Pierce! A little help? I can't be here! I can't be here! 372 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,977 Oh, God.I can't! I can't be here. 373 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,110 I can't. I need to get out of here! 374 00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,248 Okay, call security. I'm gonna go to the elevator. 375 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:13,510 You go to the OR board. I don't know where that is. 376 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:14,555 It's--Did anyone lose a naked man? 377 00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:15,512 Because he went that way. 378 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,079 Oh. 379 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,433 Byron? 380 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,444 Hey, Byron. 381 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,925 I'm-- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 382 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,883 I can't do this. I can't be here. 383 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,668 I-- 384 00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:43,236 Oh, my God, my masks. I'm not wearing my masks. 385 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:45,499 Honey, you're not wearing anything. 386 00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:54,377 My best friend, Rory, he was healthy as a horse. 387 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,162 Never worked a day job his entire life, 388 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,380 he didn't smoke, he didn't drink, 389 00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,208 he-- he ran triathlons. 390 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,732 He got the virus, he was dead in a week. A week! 391 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,647 Wife and kids didn't get to say goodbye to him. 392 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,996 Do you know how many people 393 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,650 they're projecting die from this? 394 00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:09,131 Hundreds of thousands.I know. 395 00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,307 And if you want to walk out of here, 396 00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:13,135 I'm not gonna stop you. 397 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:14,615 Wait, what? 398 00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,312 But I will follow you. 399 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,358 Because your heart's only gonna get worse, 400 00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,794 and I owe it to you, 401 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,883 I owe it to my oath, 402 00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:22,884 I owe it... 403 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,282 I lost someone, too, Byron. 404 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:32,415 Not COVID. 405 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,156 But I know that pain, 406 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,074 and I know how unfair it is and how enraging it is. 407 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,858 But I think... 408 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,733 I think we owe it to the people we lost 409 00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,691 to live the lives that they can't. 410 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:51,782 Even when it seems hard, and even when we're afraid. 411 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:55,177 Byron, you have a problem that we can fix. 412 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,526 We can fix this. 413 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,962 But you have to let us. 414 00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,790 I don't want to die. 415 00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,009 I don't want to die. 416 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:03,142 I don't want you to die, either. 417 00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,372 Okay. 418 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,461 Okay. 419 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:21,334 Let's get you a gown first. 420 00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:24,554 She didn't even know that she was pregnant. 421 00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:25,903 And then we saved her baby. 422 00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:27,601 And then... 423 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:28,993 she died. 424 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,170 It's like, during a pandemic, 425 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:34,129 shouldn't all the other tragic crap take a break? 426 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,652 You're seriously gonna quit surgery? 427 00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,045 I need some good things in my life. 428 00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:38,264 And babies are good. 429 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,440 You realize OB is all about moms, yeah? 430 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:43,182 Yeah, who are happy because they're having babies. 431 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,401 Not having my own any time soon-- 432 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,446 Fingers crossed. 433 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,317 ...or maybe ever, 434 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:50,232 so I might as well hang out with some others. 435 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,581 I got like 15 of themat home. 436 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,582 Hang out with those. 437 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:53,931 It's so unfair! 438 00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,760 You and Amelia didn't even want a baby, 439 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,762 and then you got one and neither of you died. 440 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:01,200 Oh, poor you. 441 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:04,115 You're young and single and dating a plastic surgeon. 442 00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:05,552 No, we're not-- not dating.It's just sex. 443 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:07,597 And you can still work. Oh. 444 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,991 Last time my life sucked this bad, 445 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,385 I quit medicine and moved to Venice Beach. 446 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,908 Ah, yes. The bike shop, right? 447 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,214 Heaven. 448 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,216 Jackson wants to run away to the woods. 449 00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,260 Oh, nice. Can I come? 450 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,479 No, that would defeat the purpose. 451 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:21,524 What isthe purpose? 452 00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,613 You kidding? Escape. Outta here. Mm. 453 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:25,963 Escape from pain and rage and responsibility. 454 00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,574 Escape from humanity. 455 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,053 I mean, trees don't murder people. 456 00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,620 Trees are not racist.Mm-hmm. 457 00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,492 Trees do not politicize a disease 458 00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:33,580 and convince millions of people 459 00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:35,234 not to protect themselves and others 460 00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:37,279 by using a simple piece of damn fabric on their faces, so... 461 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,238 Trees don't even have faces. 462 00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:40,239 You know what? Maybe you can come. 463 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,503 Ohh! 464 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:46,506 ♪ Oh 465 00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,293 Uh, primary repair of the stomach... 466 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,121 ...diaphragm, splenectomy, 467 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,297 and repair of ventricular injury-- 468 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,995 all intact. 469 00:20:58,039 --> 00:21:00,650 Ultimately died from coagulopathy. 470 00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:03,044 Like I told you.Well, now we have it in writing. 471 00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,176 Which will make the M&M go smoothly. 472 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,917 The M&M? 473 00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:09,006 Bailey, what in the hell are you trying to prove? 474 00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:11,095 It's Andrew DeLuca. 475 00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,315 He gave five years of his life to this hospital. 476 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,230 We own him due diligence. 477 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,885 What about what you owe to your doctors that are still here? 478 00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,235 The ones who've sacrificed their lives to fight a pandemic, 479 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,499 who hardly sleep or eat or even shower, 480 00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:25,545 who see their families on screens-- 481 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,635 Their faces are full of bruises because of the damn PPE, 482 00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:30,898 and now you want them to sit in front of a computer 483 00:21:30,941 --> 00:21:32,726 and be grilled on whether they messed up 484 00:21:32,769 --> 00:21:34,815 trying to save one of their own? 485 00:21:34,858 --> 00:21:36,599 Let them grieve, for God's sake! 486 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,218 You are causing me harm. 487 00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:51,875 You are causing harm to Hunt and Altman. 488 00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:55,662 DeLuca was a victim of a horrible crime, 489 00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:57,664 and he lost too much blood. 490 00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:01,798 No mistakes were made, no stitch was missed. 491 00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:03,583 And the mere suggestion that any of us 492 00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:06,760 didn't do everything possible to save his life... 493 00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,547 ...it's a pain I wouldn't put on anyone. 494 00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:26,954 I want you closer. 495 00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:29,348 Could you please just come here? 496 00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:33,526 Do you remember when you were trying to teach Zola 497 00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:35,397 how to ride a bike? 498 00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,443 She got so frustrated because she couldn't, 499 00:22:37,486 --> 00:22:40,184 and she threw it down, and she goes, "Mama, you do it." 500 00:22:40,228 --> 00:22:43,274 And you couldn't stop laughing, and she got so mad. 501 00:22:43,318 --> 00:22:45,189 Well, I was trying not to laugh. 502 00:22:45,233 --> 00:22:47,627 So am I. 503 00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:50,978 I can't do it for you. 504 00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:51,935 It's your beach. 505 00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,591 Zola's amazing, isn't she? 506 00:22:55,635 --> 00:22:58,942 I mean, she's just so brilliant. 507 00:22:58,986 --> 00:23:00,422 She writes me letters in her journal. 508 00:23:00,466 --> 00:23:01,510 Did you know that? 509 00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:10,301 Well, what is that? What is that face? 510 00:23:10,345 --> 00:23:12,391 Would you start a surgery with a face like that? 511 00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:13,435 No! 512 00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:14,436 No. 513 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,090 You would relax. 514 00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:40,984 It hasn't been that long. 515 00:23:41,028 --> 00:23:43,334 Maybe we could decrease sedation a bit further, 516 00:23:43,378 --> 00:23:44,771 at least run another ABG. 517 00:23:44,814 --> 00:23:46,163 And hope she doesn't go into cardiac arrest 518 00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:48,470 while we wait for the results? 519 00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:50,298 I'm turning the settings back up. 520 00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:53,823 Grey's staying on the vent. 521 00:24:06,967 --> 00:24:08,055 How's the book report coming? 522 00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:12,494 That was one of my favorites. 523 00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:14,061 That's what grownups say to convince you 524 00:24:14,104 --> 00:24:15,279 to finish your homework. 525 00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:17,847 You got me there. 526 00:24:17,891 --> 00:24:20,720 I'm supposed to write a whole page about living forever. 527 00:24:20,763 --> 00:24:23,636 Mom says it's impossible. So what's the point? 528 00:24:23,679 --> 00:24:26,856 Your mom is pretty smart. 529 00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,818 If I made a medicine where you could live forever, 530 00:24:31,861 --> 00:24:33,254 would you take it? 531 00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:34,690 I don't know. 532 00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,126 Uncle Link said, "Heck yeah." 533 00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:38,520 That sounds like him. 534 00:24:38,564 --> 00:24:40,740 Me, I don't know. 535 00:24:40,783 --> 00:24:44,265 I think the fact that we can't live forever 536 00:24:44,308 --> 00:24:48,530 is one of the things that makes life so special. 537 00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:49,923 Impermanence. 538 00:24:49,966 --> 00:24:51,925 I think if we could live forever, 539 00:24:51,968 --> 00:24:54,449 we'd spend so much time losing the people that we love 540 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,495 instead of holding tight while we still can. 541 00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:58,366 Impermanence. 542 00:24:58,409 --> 00:25:00,020 I like that word. 543 00:25:00,063 --> 00:25:01,935 Me too. 544 00:25:01,978 --> 00:25:05,242 If I had the medicine, I'd give it to my mom right now. 545 00:25:05,286 --> 00:25:07,070 Me too. 546 00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:10,813 Hey, you want to call her? 547 00:25:10,857 --> 00:25:13,250 Alright. 548 00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:20,562 Hello there. 549 00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:21,824 Can we have a minute? 550 00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:22,608 Of course. 551 00:25:24,697 --> 00:25:28,309 Hi, Mommy. I miss you so much. 552 00:25:28,352 --> 00:25:29,832 I love you. 553 00:25:29,876 --> 00:25:33,706 Um, I've been writing a page about living forever. 554 00:25:34,881 --> 00:25:36,535 How are you doing? 555 00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,145 It didn't work? 556 00:25:38,188 --> 00:25:40,277 Altman wants to try again in a day or so. 557 00:25:45,979 --> 00:25:47,894 When I lost my wife, um... 558 00:25:50,113 --> 00:25:51,506 ...the therapist, she said that 559 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:55,118 there's no wrong way to process the loss, 560 00:25:55,162 --> 00:25:56,816 the grief. 561 00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,733 But there is. 562 00:26:01,908 --> 00:26:04,040 Over a bloody computer screen, it's... 563 00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,870 ...it's wrong. 564 00:26:07,914 --> 00:26:09,524 Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank. 565 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,135 Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank. 566 00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:15,835 Ohh! Oh! 567 00:26:15,878 --> 00:26:19,490 You know the rules. Who deserves it? 568 00:26:19,534 --> 00:26:21,362 Deserves what? Rules to what? "Make it Sadder." 569 00:26:21,405 --> 00:26:23,320 We tell our sob stories, 570 00:26:23,364 --> 00:26:27,063 and whosever story is saddest wins the last shot. 571 00:26:27,107 --> 00:26:28,674 "Make it Sadder"? That's fun? 572 00:26:28,717 --> 00:26:29,762 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 573 00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,590 Okay. Alright. I'll be the judge. 574 00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:32,634 I'll be the judge. Alright, go.Okay. 575 00:26:32,678 --> 00:26:34,027 Alright. 576 00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:37,465 I am currently raising four children 577 00:26:37,508 --> 00:26:39,859 in a hellscape of a world 578 00:26:39,902 --> 00:26:41,730 where people don't listen to science. 579 00:26:41,774 --> 00:26:44,559 My parents are going ahead with their second wedding 580 00:26:44,603 --> 00:26:45,821 even though there's a pandemic, 581 00:26:45,865 --> 00:26:47,693 so they'll probably get sick and die. 582 00:26:47,736 --> 00:26:51,087 And, uh, my last shred of me-time-- 583 00:26:51,131 --> 00:26:52,480 sneaking an occasional drink, 584 00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:53,960 which was already pretty pathetic, 585 00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:57,528 I know-- is now ruined. 586 00:26:57,572 --> 00:26:59,792 Strong. Yeah. Mm, alright. 587 00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:05,362 I had plans the weekend that everything shut down. 588 00:27:05,406 --> 00:27:07,974 I had crawled out of my depression, 589 00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:11,847 and I was all set to start over by... 590 00:27:11,891 --> 00:27:12,674 going... 591 00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:17,505 ...going on dates. 592 00:27:17,548 --> 00:27:18,549 Oh, yeah.Aww! 593 00:27:18,593 --> 00:27:20,421 Okay, yes, yes. 594 00:27:20,464 --> 00:27:22,989 You guys, I even bought outfits, okay? 595 00:27:23,032 --> 00:27:26,340 Hang on. Okay. Ah! Okay.Alright. 596 00:27:26,383 --> 00:27:28,385 Let me show you. 597 00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:31,519 What do we have? Oh, this is cute, right? 598 00:27:31,562 --> 00:27:35,436 The perfect thing to declare someone dead in. 599 00:27:35,479 --> 00:27:36,611 Oh, what about this? 600 00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,569 This, for the, um, career girl 601 00:27:38,613 --> 00:27:41,050 that just spent, um, seven hours 602 00:27:41,094 --> 00:27:43,662 making more room for bodies on the morgue truck. 603 00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,838 Or-- Or... 604 00:27:45,881 --> 00:27:47,622 How about this? 605 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:51,626 This, for-- for the funeral of a co-worker 606 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:54,542 who got stabbed to death... 607 00:27:54,585 --> 00:27:59,025 who doesn't even get a funeral. 608 00:28:03,507 --> 00:28:05,771 Okay, Jo wins the last shot. 609 00:28:07,903 --> 00:28:09,600 No, no! 610 00:28:09,644 --> 00:28:10,689 Yes.No way. Unh-unh. 611 00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:11,907 Unh-unh.Thank you so much. 612 00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:15,781 She has an entire loft all to herself! 613 00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:16,782 Mnh-mnh. 614 00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:19,306 Hold on. Ahh! 615 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,612 What's that? 616 00:28:21,656 --> 00:28:22,918 It's Richard. 617 00:28:22,962 --> 00:28:24,528 The memorial for DeLuca is tonight. 618 00:28:27,357 --> 00:28:28,881 Alright, I'll drive. 619 00:28:28,924 --> 00:28:32,711 Let's, um, get ready. 620 00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:34,190 Orderly to 6 East. 621 00:28:53,862 --> 00:28:56,256 Hey. Uh, just moved Mr. Cabrera up here. 622 00:28:56,299 --> 00:28:57,431 Another complete white-out. 623 00:28:57,474 --> 00:28:58,345 How's Meredith? 624 00:28:58,388 --> 00:29:00,608 Um, uh... 625 00:29:00,651 --> 00:29:02,175 It-- It didn't work. 626 00:29:02,218 --> 00:29:04,786 And I'm questioning why I even thought it would. 627 00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:07,833 Well, DeLuca's autopsy results came back. 628 00:29:07,876 --> 00:29:09,269 We did everything that we could. 629 00:29:09,312 --> 00:29:10,923 I know that. 630 00:29:12,707 --> 00:29:14,927 And he's still dead. 631 00:29:26,634 --> 00:29:29,463 Your kids call every day on a video chat. 632 00:29:29,506 --> 00:29:31,030 Don't know if you can hear them. 633 00:29:33,249 --> 00:29:34,773 Don't even know if you can hear me now. 634 00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:38,515 ♪ There's a million things 635 00:29:38,559 --> 00:29:39,952 You look perfect. 636 00:29:39,995 --> 00:29:44,173 ♪ I can't control 637 00:29:44,217 --> 00:29:45,696 Maybe-- Maybe 638 00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:47,829 it's none of my business, Grey, 639 00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,657 but I'm begging you. 640 00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:51,050 Fight. 641 00:29:51,093 --> 00:29:53,835 ♪ There is one thing that I know ♪ 642 00:29:53,879 --> 00:29:56,011 That's up to you. 643 00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:57,665 But if you're asking me, 644 00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:58,884 you should hear him out. 645 00:29:58,927 --> 00:30:00,494 They need you, Grey. 646 00:30:00,537 --> 00:30:02,061 The little one... 647 00:30:02,104 --> 00:30:04,454 Ellis.She looks just like you. 648 00:30:04,498 --> 00:30:06,761 She got all your expressions. 649 00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,197 She doesn't smile easy or often, 650 00:30:08,241 --> 00:30:11,331 but when she does, sweet Jesus, it lights up the room. 651 00:30:11,374 --> 00:30:13,376 What did you do to make her smile? 652 00:30:13,420 --> 00:30:14,421 You shoulda seen it-- 653 00:30:14,464 --> 00:30:15,988 she smiles and she smiles, 654 00:30:16,031 --> 00:30:18,425 and it gets bigger and bigger until... 655 00:30:18,468 --> 00:30:20,775 boom! -- she just bursts out laughing. 656 00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,299 What did you do to make her laugh? 657 00:30:23,343 --> 00:30:25,301 Then her brother gets annoyed because she's laughing so hard 658 00:30:25,345 --> 00:30:26,433 right in his ear. 659 00:30:26,476 --> 00:30:27,477 That's Bailey. 660 00:30:27,521 --> 00:30:28,870 And then the oldest one comes in, 661 00:30:28,914 --> 00:30:31,438 and she takes the tablet and says they're hogging it 662 00:30:31,481 --> 00:30:32,918 and that she needs time with you, too, 663 00:30:32,961 --> 00:30:36,443 because she's the oldest and she's your favorite. 664 00:30:36,486 --> 00:30:38,488 Zola. 665 00:30:38,532 --> 00:30:41,970 Then I hear a click and a lock, but we're in darkness. 666 00:30:42,014 --> 00:30:44,799 Can't tell who has it, 'cause I can't see a face. 667 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,368 But then I hear a voice, and it's the oldest one. 668 00:30:48,411 --> 00:30:50,718 And she's sittin' in the dark. 669 00:30:50,761 --> 00:30:52,633 She's in her closet. 670 00:30:52,676 --> 00:30:55,244 That's where she goes to write letters to her dad. 671 00:30:55,288 --> 00:30:58,421 And she says, "I'm really sorry, Mum. 672 00:30:58,465 --> 00:31:00,293 Didn't mean for things to get so violent. 673 00:31:00,336 --> 00:31:03,252 Ellis can be truly infuriating." 674 00:31:05,341 --> 00:31:07,517 They need you, Grey. 675 00:31:07,561 --> 00:31:08,910 I know. 676 00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:10,346 They need you to fight. 677 00:31:10,390 --> 00:31:14,916 ♪ My thoughts don't drift 678 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:15,743 ♪ When you're around 679 00:31:15,786 --> 00:31:18,354 We all need you to fight. 680 00:31:18,398 --> 00:31:21,357 I don't know that I can. 681 00:31:21,401 --> 00:31:24,926 It's...so warm here. 682 00:31:24,970 --> 00:31:27,276 The water is so cool. 683 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,235 I feel so relaxed. 684 00:31:29,278 --> 00:31:30,976 And there's no pain. 685 00:31:31,019 --> 00:31:32,629 I watched my kids lose their mum. 686 00:31:32,673 --> 00:31:34,327 You don't want that for your kids, Grey. 687 00:31:34,370 --> 00:31:36,633 There are people getting better here every day. 688 00:31:36,677 --> 00:31:38,809 You could be one of those people. 689 00:31:38,853 --> 00:31:40,986 ♪ Nothing is forever 690 00:31:41,029 --> 00:31:43,249 I believe that you could. 691 00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,859 'Cause I've heard the stories about other fights 692 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,208 you've already won, so... 693 00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:50,038 So I'm asking you to fight. 694 00:31:50,082 --> 00:31:51,213 ♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪ 695 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,215 You fight, Grey. 696 00:31:53,259 --> 00:31:54,173 ♪ Tides will change, the sea can't help it ♪ 697 00:31:54,216 --> 00:31:56,044 It's okay. 698 00:31:56,088 --> 00:31:57,959 I'll be right here. 699 00:31:58,003 --> 00:32:00,222 ♪ Nothing is forever 700 00:32:00,266 --> 00:32:06,881 ♪ When it feels like I'm in constant motion ♪ 701 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:13,801 ♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪ 702 00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:35,692 Dr. Webber set something up for DeLuca. 703 00:32:35,736 --> 00:32:36,824 A memorial. 704 00:32:45,398 --> 00:32:46,660 I'm not a great Jew. 705 00:32:49,315 --> 00:32:52,448 I cheated at my bar mitzvah. 706 00:32:52,492 --> 00:32:56,670 I was too busy trying to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins 707 00:32:56,713 --> 00:32:58,628 that I didn't learn Hebrew, 708 00:32:58,672 --> 00:32:59,542 so I just wrote it out phonetically 709 00:32:59,586 --> 00:33:01,675 and read that instead. 710 00:33:01,718 --> 00:33:05,505 I skip half the High Holy Days and repent for it at Yom Kippur. 711 00:33:05,548 --> 00:33:08,116 And if I'm honest, I... 712 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,118 go back and forth about believing in God, 713 00:33:10,162 --> 00:33:13,165 which is actually very Jewish, but... 714 00:33:13,208 --> 00:33:15,906 It's the traditions that I find helpful. 715 00:33:17,778 --> 00:33:20,999 When a loved one dies, we have... 716 00:33:21,042 --> 00:33:24,698 rules about how to grieve and move on. 717 00:33:24,741 --> 00:33:26,178 Protocols. 718 00:33:26,221 --> 00:33:31,139 We force ourselves to sit in the pain. 719 00:33:31,183 --> 00:33:33,794 We cry. 720 00:33:33,837 --> 00:33:35,535 And we laugh. 721 00:33:35,578 --> 00:33:38,233 And we eat a lot. 722 00:33:38,277 --> 00:33:41,715 And it doesn't bring the person back, 723 00:33:41,758 --> 00:33:44,065 but it does start the healing. 724 00:33:48,635 --> 00:33:50,463 Chief, your mom died. 725 00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:55,990 My mom makes me crazy, 726 00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:58,949 but I'm gonna fall apart when she dies. 727 00:33:58,993 --> 00:34:02,779 And you have people you can be with. 728 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:08,829 People who love you and miss you and need to grieve with you. 729 00:34:10,483 --> 00:34:12,702 This pandemic has taken so much. 730 00:34:14,704 --> 00:34:16,445 Don't give it that, too. 731 00:34:17,838 --> 00:34:20,014 ♪ There's a light 732 00:34:23,017 --> 00:34:25,454 ♪ A certain kind of light 733 00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:32,983 ♪ It's never shone on me 734 00:34:33,027 --> 00:34:34,463 Hey. 735 00:34:34,507 --> 00:34:36,161 Oh, sorry. 736 00:34:36,204 --> 00:34:39,468 Um, I'm about to head back in to check on Mr. Gibbis. 737 00:34:39,512 --> 00:34:41,514 He's sedated and stable. 738 00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:44,430 You gonna go to the memorial? 739 00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:48,216 I thought bad things about him. 740 00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:53,395 When he was sick, I thought, "Great, more surgeries for me." 741 00:34:53,439 --> 00:34:55,441 I had no compassion. 742 00:34:55,484 --> 00:34:57,356 And now he's just... 743 00:34:57,399 --> 00:34:59,053 dead. 744 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:00,141 And we can't hug. 745 00:35:00,185 --> 00:35:02,578 And as a rule, I hate hugs, but... 746 00:35:02,622 --> 00:35:04,276 ♪ What good does... 747 00:35:04,319 --> 00:35:07,192 ...I haven't physically touched anyone without gloves 748 00:35:07,235 --> 00:35:08,584 in over two months, 749 00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:12,675 and I-I feel like I'm turning into that patient. 750 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:14,155 Another week of this and... 751 00:35:14,199 --> 00:35:16,462 I'll be running through the hospital naked. 752 00:35:16,505 --> 00:35:17,463 ♪ You don't know what it's like ♪ 753 00:35:17,506 --> 00:35:20,161 Stand up. 754 00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,249 And turn around. 755 00:35:21,293 --> 00:35:22,859 I'm sorry? 756 00:35:22,903 --> 00:35:24,209 Just trust me. 757 00:35:26,820 --> 00:35:30,563 ♪ To love somebody 758 00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:34,132 ♪ To love somebody 759 00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:36,656 ♪ The way I love you 760 00:35:41,704 --> 00:35:46,492 ♪ You don't know what it's like ♪ 761 00:35:48,233 --> 00:35:49,799 Thank you. 762 00:35:49,843 --> 00:35:53,673 ♪ Baby, you don't know what it's like ♪ 763 00:35:53,716 --> 00:35:55,544 Spread out, please. 764 00:35:55,588 --> 00:35:58,112 We may be outside, but we still need to maintain our distance. 765 00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:01,289 ♪ To love somebody 766 00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,119 ♪ The way I love you 767 00:36:15,608 --> 00:36:18,654 ♪ The way I love you 768 00:36:24,138 --> 00:36:25,270 Richard. 769 00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:28,098 I'm... 770 00:36:28,142 --> 00:36:31,014 I need to take some time off. 771 00:36:31,058 --> 00:36:32,320 I'm not sure how long. 772 00:36:32,364 --> 00:36:34,409 But I-I need to go home. 773 00:36:34,453 --> 00:36:36,194 However long you need. 774 00:36:39,284 --> 00:36:44,245 Everybody, can I have your attention, please? 775 00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,465 Thank you. 776 00:36:46,508 --> 00:36:49,381 I appreciate you all being here tonight. 777 00:36:49,424 --> 00:36:52,949 Grey-Sloan is a family. 778 00:36:52,993 --> 00:36:56,388 And Andrew DeLuca was a member of that family. 779 00:36:56,431 --> 00:36:59,347 And his death, however brave... 780 00:36:59,391 --> 00:37:02,263 Well, it's still heartbreaking. 781 00:37:02,307 --> 00:37:07,703 We can't honor his life like we might have in the past, 782 00:37:07,747 --> 00:37:11,751 but we can still honor him. 783 00:37:11,794 --> 00:37:13,492 Dr. Perez? 784 00:37:13,535 --> 00:37:19,324 ♪ There is a man, he runs right to me ♪ 785 00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:24,416 ♪ He wraps his loving arms around me ♪ 786 00:37:24,459 --> 00:37:29,377 ♪ He knows 787 00:37:29,421 --> 00:37:31,858 ♪ He knows my pain 788 00:37:31,901 --> 00:37:34,556 ♪ Oh, he knows my pain 789 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,385 ♪ Oh, he gives me life 790 00:37:37,429 --> 00:37:41,520 ♪ And I don't know if that is for me ♪ 791 00:37:41,563 --> 00:37:46,699 ♪ It's darker than I thought, in all its broken glory ♪ 792 00:37:46,742 --> 00:37:48,744 ♪ My soul 793 00:37:51,181 --> 00:37:54,097 ♪ Just wants to go home 794 00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:56,926 ♪ He's calling me home 795 00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:23,475 ♪ And there was a light 796 00:38:23,518 --> 00:38:25,999 ♪ Oh, there was a fire 797 00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:28,654 ♪ She came through in the night ♪ 798 00:38:28,697 --> 00:38:31,744 ♪ She entered like an angel 799 00:38:31,787 --> 00:38:33,920 ♪ Hold on 800 00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:39,229 ♪ Hold on 801 00:38:39,273 --> 00:38:42,929 ♪ She's just memories 802 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,502 Hello. 803 00:38:50,545 --> 00:38:53,200 Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca, and I'm thrilled to be 804 00:38:53,243 --> 00:38:55,115 applying to the surgical residency program 805 00:38:55,158 --> 00:38:57,596 at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. 806 00:38:57,639 --> 00:38:59,249 A bit about me. 807 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,730 I am Italian, but I grew up in Wisconsin. 808 00:39:01,774 --> 00:39:03,384 A lot of doctors in my family, 809 00:39:03,428 --> 00:39:05,255 including my big sister, Carina. 810 00:39:05,299 --> 00:39:07,736 Um, I grew up stealing her game of Operation, 811 00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:09,825 so I guess you can say it's, uh, been a dream of mine 812 00:39:09,869 --> 00:39:12,262 for a very long time. 813 00:39:12,306 --> 00:39:14,787 The idea of doing my training at Grey-Sloan 814 00:39:14,830 --> 00:39:17,050 and-- and learning from surgical legends 815 00:39:17,093 --> 00:39:19,139 like Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey 816 00:39:19,182 --> 00:39:22,708 and Jackson Avery and Meredith Grey... 817 00:39:22,751 --> 00:39:25,885 uh, well, it just doesn't get any better than that. 818 00:39:25,928 --> 00:39:28,061 I think the reason I want to become a surgeon 819 00:39:28,104 --> 00:39:30,150 is that I've always had 820 00:39:30,193 --> 00:39:32,500 this insatiable desire to help people. 821 00:39:32,544 --> 00:39:36,504 And I think I get that from my mom, who I lost too soon. 822 00:39:36,548 --> 00:39:38,288 And, uh, she had this really giving heart, 823 00:39:38,332 --> 00:39:40,900 and she always pushed me to do as much good as possible, 824 00:39:40,943 --> 00:39:44,556 so I guess I'm doing this for her. 825 00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:46,253 Now, you should be warned, 826 00:39:46,296 --> 00:39:49,387 I can be relentless at times, and very stubborn. 827 00:39:49,430 --> 00:39:53,782 But I promise that, if I match with you... 828 00:39:56,350 --> 00:39:59,353 I will give you the very best of me. 829 00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,311 Thank you. 830 00:40:01,355 --> 00:40:03,270 Alright. 831 00:40:12,627 --> 00:40:14,803 At all costs, 832 00:40:14,847 --> 00:40:17,110 we avoid negative experiences. 833 00:40:29,731 --> 00:40:31,516 We ignore pain. 834 00:40:37,652 --> 00:40:40,525 We steer clear of the unfamiliar. 835 00:40:40,568 --> 00:40:42,309 We lie when asked about how we feel. 836 00:40:44,224 --> 00:40:46,574 ♪ Steady as a rock 837 00:40:46,618 --> 00:40:48,794 ♪ I stand, I wait 838 00:40:48,837 --> 00:40:50,752 We shouldn't do that. 839 00:40:53,886 --> 00:40:56,715 I stopped by the hospital for, um... 840 00:40:56,758 --> 00:40:58,499 I watched. 841 00:40:58,543 --> 00:41:01,067 ♪ But eyes that can't erase 842 00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:04,157 I won't keep booze in the house anymore. 843 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,028 That's not what I need from you. 844 00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:08,466 ♪ Hands that hold 845 00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:11,817 What I need from you is no more secrets. 846 00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:16,386 It's just-- we have this baby together. 847 00:41:16,430 --> 00:41:19,477 We have this whole life together, so... 848 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,914 I want to really know you. 849 00:41:23,176 --> 00:41:24,220 Deal. 850 00:41:26,266 --> 00:41:28,877 I reek of whiskey right now, or I would hug you. 851 00:41:28,921 --> 00:41:30,836 I will hold my breath. 852 00:41:30,879 --> 00:41:38,452 ♪ Ohhh 853 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:41,760 ♪ So, send me into space 854 00:41:41,803 --> 00:41:44,023 ♪ And cut me free 855 00:41:44,066 --> 00:41:46,155 Because I've learned something from these last several months. 856 00:41:46,199 --> 00:41:47,287 Teddy? 857 00:41:49,768 --> 00:41:51,117 ♪ And like a satellite 858 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,206 Hey. 859 00:41:53,249 --> 00:41:56,252 ♪ Just look for me 860 00:41:56,296 --> 00:41:57,558 Teddy. 861 00:42:00,343 --> 00:42:02,258 I'm gonna take you home, okay? 862 00:42:03,782 --> 00:42:05,305 Okay. 863 00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:15,924 The body can only take so much.