Eli Scruggs
was the handiest|of all handymen.
You could ask any|of his customers,
and they would tell you,
there was nothing|he couldn't fix.
Whether it was a broken vase...
a leaky pipe...
or a shaky banister,
Eli always knew|how to get the job done.
But sadly,
the man who had fixed|so many things
for the residents|of Wisteria Lane
was now about
to break their hearts.
Eli Scruggs,|get down from there!
Mrs. McCluskey.
Just found this note|in my mailbox.
Says you're retiring?|What the hell?
Yes, ma'am. It's true.
Now why would you want to do|something stupid like that?
My doc says|I got a bum ticker,
have to take it easy|from now on.
Well, once I'm done fixing|Mrs. Mayer's shingles,
I'm on a plane to Waikiki.|- Well, this is very annoying.
Who's gonna fix my water heater|when it breaks?
Oh, I met this young guy|named Toby.
Very bright, just turned 30.|He'll take care of you.
Ah, damn it, Eli!
I am not comfortable|with strangers in my house.
Took me ten years to trust you.|- I know.
Most of those guys leave tools|and nails all over the place.
You never leave a mess.
Thank you, ma'am.
Have you told everyone else|you're leaving?
I left copies of that same note|in everybody's mailbox.
Well, that's not right.
After all these years, people|will want to say good-bye,
and... you know, maybe throw you|a party or somethin'.
Oh, no. I prefer to go quietly,|if you know what I mean.
I don't want a big fuss.
Well, I'll miss you, Eli.
There will never be|another one like you.
With that Eli Scruggs|climbed his ladder
for the very last time.
And once he had finished|making his last repair,
Eli Scruggs--|quietly, with no fuss--
had a heart attack and died.
And most importantly...
without leaving a mess.
It took an hour|for someone to finally notice
the body laying atop|Susan Mayer's roof.
Aah!
It was|less than ten minutes later
that the neighbors|began arriving,
each determined to get a look
at the various paramedics|and policemen
who were all frantically|trying to figure out
exactly how|to bring the body down.
And it took two days|for my friends to realize
this tragedy|had affected them...
We're ready! Come on.
more than|they were willing to admit.
Hey, Gaby, did you remember|to get change?
'Cause when I cash in my chips,|I don't want to hear you say,
"all I've got is $50s."|- Speaking of cashing in your chips,
anyone know when Eli's funeral is?|- Oh, I think it's Saturday.
I wonder how many people|are gonna show up.
Mrs. McCluskey was saying|he didn't have much family.
Poor Eli. We should make sure|he's got flowers at his funeral.
I'm in.|- How much are we talking?
I don't know.|What do you think, Gaby?
Gaby?
Wow! Jimmy Choo!
Oh, Carlos!
These aren't even|in the states yet.
What's the catch?
What are you talking about?
You never buy me a present
unless I'm mad|or about to be mad.
And I don't think I am,|so why am I about to be?
I have to go to Cleveland tomorrow.|- Carlos!
They're begging me.|The merger's going south.
You just got home!
With shoes.
Don't leave me here.|I'm going out of my mind.
Everyone is so boring|and suburban.
And how many|freakin' honor students
can that school have?
Can we please not argue|in front of the handyman?
He has a name.
What's your name?
Eli Scruggs.
You hear that, Carlos?
You've brought me to a place
where people are named|"Eli Scruggs."
Fine.|I'll give up my job...
and everything|that comes with it.
Not the Jimmy Choos.
They're the only friends|I've got.
Thought so.
I'm going to pack.
You know,|it's none of my business...
You're right. It's not.
But the ladies|in this neighborhood
are actually pretty nice.|- Yeah. They came by, brought muffins.
One of 'em|wants her basket back.
That'd be Bree.
Anyhow,|she and the other ladies, uh,
play poker every week.
If you'd like,|I could talk to 'em,
see if they'll let you|host a game.
Hi. We're, um...|the neighborhood.
Gabrielle invited us|to play poker.
So... is she in?
Mrs. Solis|will be right down.
She likes to make|an entrance.
What does that mean,|"an entrance"?
Hello there.
Welcome to my home.
Oh.
That's what it means.
So I said, "pumpkin"--
That's what I call|Jon Bon Jovi--
I said, "pumpkin, even if|I could steer a yacht,
I'm certainly not about to do it|in 5-inch heels."
True story.
Well, you've certainly had|quite a glamorous life.
Well, it was before my husband|moved me here to East Nowhere.
Seriously, I don't know|how you girls do it.
Do what?|- Get out of bed in the morning.
I've only lived here a month,
and I want|to put a gun to my head.
You know what I mean?
No, we don't.
There are no good|nightclubs, no theater.
What do you do for a good time?
Well, we watch the kids|play soccer.
And the school drama department|puts on some really great shows.
And then there's church,|of course.
Church.
Oh, you're serious.
Look, I know it's quiet here,|but I think you'll find
there's a real charm|to Fairview.
No, no, it's cute. It's cute.|I get that.
It's just...
I was a top-tier fashion model,
and I guess I'm just gonna|have to get used to the fact
that the best part of my life|is behind me.
Good-bye doing vodka shots|with Kate Moss,
and hello
to sipping international coffee|with you girls.
Full house.
Yes?
Hello. Is Mrs. Solis here?
Oh, I got it. I got it.|Go, go, go, go, go.
Ma'am, here's the bill|for fixing your sink.
Okay. Thank you.
By the way...
You made quite an impression|at the poker game.
Really?
Oh, yeah. The ladies|can't stop talking about you.
Aw. Well, I'm sure|it was kind of exciting
for them to have a star|in their midst.
Uh, let me think...|did they say "star"?
I heard, uh, "stuck-up,"|"obnoxious," "bitch."
What?!
You know, I went out on a limb|to get you into that game,
and then you go in there|acting like
you're better than they are.
Oh, my clothes|said that, not me.
Well, did you ask them anything|about their lives?
Why would they want|to talk about their lives?
Their lives are boring.
Well, you know what's|gonna be really boring?
You sitting here alone in this|big house without any friends.
If I were you,|I'd drop the attitude.
Learn to like|your neighbors.
Well,|thanks for the advice.
You wanna add that|to your bill?
No. It's on the house.
I brought muffins.
That's so nice.
We were just...
Playing poker,|and I wasn't invited.
I know. I get it.
I just wanted|to tell you guys
I know I made|a horrible first impression.
Now you know why|models don't usually talk.
Because we say a lot|of stupid, patronizing things.
What I should've said was...|my husband's never home.
I miss the city.
I miss my life.
I'm lonely all the time...
and I could|really use some friends.
Anyway, here.
Now that's how|you make an entrance.
Gaby?
I'm sorry. What?
We're getting a wreath|for Eli's funeral. Are you in?
Actually, why don't you|let me pay for it?
It can still be from all of us.|- No, you don't have to do that.
I sort of do.
Now let's play some poker.
All right,|time for my luck to change.
This hand is for Eli.
Hmm. Next hand is for Eli.
You know, if we're gonna|have a get-together
after the funeral, we should|start thinking about food.
And by "we" and "food,"|you mean Bree, right?
I thought that was clear.
I'd be happy to.|Any special requests?
How about we pick something|from your cookbook?
Great. Gaby,|do you have your copy?
I'll go get it.
You use my cookbook|to balance your table?
Oh, it's only temporary.
Juanita needed|her coloring book back.
Oh.|- All right.
Watch out, ladies.
I'm sorry if the frittata|is a bit dry.
Are you kidding? It's great.
You should give Linette the recipe.|- Yes, 'cause that's what
women in their eighth month|really crave--more stove time.
Mine is so erratic.
I'm not even sure what the|real temperature is.
Of course,|if a certain doctor
would loosen the purse strings...|- We're not getting a new stove.
If you would just take on|a few more patients,
we could afford it.
Well, if I'm not supporting|you adequately, my dear,
by all means, feel free|to do something about it.
Such as?
Well, you could maybe...|I don't know, get a job?
I have a job.|I'm a homemaker.
And a damn good one.|So to make this,
you--you just s-sauté|some ham and some onions--
It's not happening, Tom.
I just sometimes think
maybe you would appreciate|the value of a dollar more
if you had to work|outside the home.
And I think you would appreciate|my value more if, for once,
you had to cook your own food|and wash your own clothes.
Lynette makes me sew my own buttons.|- I'll sew anything you want
if you just stop|getting me pregnant.
I want a new stove, Rex,
and if I need to get a job|to pay for it, so be it.
If you're|looking for a stove,
we've got one|that's hardly ever been used.
I wish I could say the same|for my uterus.
Oh, yeah. I ruined the brunch.
Hey, how's it looking|under there, Eli?
Is it gonna cost me|an arm and a leg?
Nah. A few fingers, maybe.
Honey, my stomach's growling.|When's dinner?
Oh, we're having leftovers.
You can heat them up yourself|if you want.
Since when|do we have leftovers?
Since I started|writing my own cookbook.
Remember how you told me
I should start making|my own money?
Well, I've been going through|all my old recipes,
and I've got|this great idea
for a real home-style American cookbook.|- You're not serious?
Why wouldn't I be?
People are always|complimenting me on my cooking.
You're great, but come on.
Every bored housewife|who pulls off a decent lasagna
thinks she can|write a cookbook.
You think I'm just like|every other housewife?
No. No, no, no. That's not what|I'm saying. It's just that...
what do you really know?
I'll learn. And I want it to be|more than just a cookbook.
I want to talk|about traditional values
and give helpful hints|about homemaking.
Look, look,|this is my fault.
You know, I-I was|ribbing you the other day
about getting a job,|but you took it seriously.
If you really want a new stove,|I'll get you a stove.
Now can you stop|this foolishness
and make me something to eat|that isn't leftovers?
Mrs. Van de Kamp?
I fixed your banister.|Should be fine now.
I'll just go.|You can pay me whenever.
I know this is|a rough time for you.
Thanks, Eli.
By the way,
the service for Mr. V.|was really nice.
You were there?
I sat|in the back of the church.
I wanted to say good-bye|to Mr. V.
So uh...
have you thought about|what you're gonna do now?
You mean, with my life?
I don't know.
Mrs. V...
I've been meaning to give this|to you for a while now...
but I, uh,
could never find|the right moment.
I kept it for you, just in case|you might need it someday.
Hope you don't mind.
Oh, I gotta tell you.|I made your Cajun meatloaf.
Whoo!
That may be|my favorite meal ever.
I can't believe|you saved this.
Ah.
Of course,|I'm not really in the mood
to write a cookbook|right now.
Well...
maybe one day you will be.
Hey, Bree, I know what|you can make for the wake--
that flaky-breaded-shrimp|thing.
Thanks, but I know|exactly what I'm gonna make.
Dave, it was a nice trip,|but I gotta tell you,
I don't know why we spent all|that money going to the Bahamas.
If we're not gonna|leave the hotel room,
then why not just cover|ourselves in suntan lotion
and have sex here?
You just got a message|from Mrs. McCluskey.
Oh?
She said your handyman died.
Eli?
Oh, my God.
He was|working on Susan's roof
and dropped dead|of a heart attack.
Can you believe that?
No, no, no. You are not|going to the gym again.
You said we were gonna|have afternoon sex.
We'll do it when I get back.
You say that|every time, Umberto,
And then you're too tired.
Maybe I wouldn't be|if you weren't so clingy.
Clingy?
We haven't had sex|in two weeks.
It's like I'm 15 again.
Not us. You.
Your libido|is out of control.
Umberto--
Look, you've got|a drawerful of toys. Use 'em.
Oh!
Ahem.
Oh!
Oh! Eli! I-I forgot|you were in there.
Yeah. I'm done fixing|your faucet.
Actually, I was done|ten minutes ago,
but I was afraid to come out.|- I'm sorry you heard all of that.
The good news is,|while I was in there,
I re-grouted your tub...|free of charge.
Wait a second.
What do you think|of my ass?
Sorry?
My ass--|on a scale from one to ten.
Well, I-I-I, uh...
ticktock.
Ten. It's a ten.
And the boobs?|Perky and firm?
You've named them?
Oh, come on, Eli.
My husband|won't have sex with me.
I just need to make sure|it's not... me.
It's not you.
Are you sure?
Trust me. I used|to work in construction.
My buddies would've|gone crazy for you--
cat calls, uh,|nasty gestures.
"Hey, you,|with the sweater meats!
"If you ever need|any work done, call me!
'Cause I got the perfect tool|for the job!"
Y-you get the drift.
Yeah. I do.
That was insulting|and demeaning.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
Miss Britt?
The door was wide open.
I got the paint. You|want to check the color?
Eh.
Is everything okay?
Things are great.
You want some wine?
We're celebrating.
What's the occasion?
I am no longer married|to a gay guy.
Umberto was gay?
So you wasted your time
installing that light|in the closet,
because...|he went flying out of there.
At least you know now|it wasn't you.
Wasn't it?
He said|that being married to me
was what convinced him|that he liked men.
Oh.
You could imagine what a|boost to the ego that was.
Come on.
You had a gay guy sleeping|with you for two years,
and those guys are pretty hard to land.
No. No, trust me.
No need to be sad.
You're a knockout.
No, I-I-I need|this hand back.
It's hard to be a handyman|without a-a hand.
Mm.
Miss Britt,|what are you doing?
You put the mirror|over my bed.
You know|exactly what I'm doing.
Are you sure about this? I don't|want to take advantage of you.
Oh,|I'm sure you'll be gentle.
Anyway,
I guess they're|burying him on Saturday.
Obviously, you want to go.
Yeah.
I do.
Oh,|leave that black dress out.
I'll get it dry-cleaned|for the funeral.
A little sexy for a funeral,|isn't it?
Oh, I don't think Eli would mind.
Mom?
That's Penny.|I'll be right back.
Mom!
Hey, sweetie.
What's up?
You said you would|help me with my math.
We're dividing fractions.
Oh. I wish you'd caught me|two Chardonnays ago.
Mom, you promised.
I know, but mommy's|still planning Eli's memorial.
Start without me.
I'll be there|in a little while.
Oh, my gosh.|Lynette, are you okay?
The doctor just called.|I'm pregnant.
This is fantastic!
You--
Yeah. Whoop-dee-doo.
Honey, you don't sound|too happy about this.
I was planning|to go back to work.
What? What a--|what are you talking about?
I had it in the back|of my mind for a while,
and then yesterday, I got a ph--|- Hold it.
Sorry. I was having trouble|paying attention.
Jeffrey Cuevas is retiring|in September.
I am the perfect person|to step into his job,
and that is exactly when|Parker starts kindergarten.
The timing is like a dream.
But what about our dream|of having a-a little girl?
This could be our chance.
Oh, please. You know it's gonna|be a boy. It's always a boy.
It's just gonna pee|in my face
and hide dead things|in my shoes.
I am doing this, Tom.
I am going after this job.
But who's gonna take care of the kids?
Well, I was hoping you could|cut back on your hours at work.
I can't do that.
I have a career.
You did not just say that.
No, I-I didn't. I didn't.
Tom, I cannot just|stay at home wiping noses.
I need it for my sanity,
and I need you|to back me up.
Oh!
Mom?
Well, the kids are up.
They're gonna want|their breakfast.
And I'm gonna back you up|by, uh, making it for 'em.
My hero.
Jeff Cuevas is fantastic,
but I know I could take his|department to a whole new level.
What the hell is that?
Oh, my water broke.
Take the overnight bag|out to the car.
Oh, three weeks.
That's a little soon, but, uh,|sure, I could make that work.
For God sakes, Lynette,|we gotta go to the hospital.
- In a minute. I'm|trying to lock this job down.
What kind of|perks are we talking about here?
Okay, you're having|contractions. That's it. You--
I swear,|if you touch this phone,
I will have this baby right here|and then beat you with it!
You're insane.|We have to go.
Could you hold on|one second?
We agreed|I could go back to work
after I gave birth.|- After, Lynette, not during!
I'm sorry.
Is there any way we could finish|this conversation tomorrow?
Oh!
L-l-later in the day|works better for me, too.
Well, thank you very much.
Bye.|- Hey. Whew! I got the job.
Congratulations.|The baby's arm is sticking out.
Why don't you high-five it?
Tom, I am in pain.|Do you mind?
Oh.
You'll see, Tom.
I know.|People say that you... ooh!
You can't have it all,|but I know we can.
Oh, Mr. Swenson, I can't|tell you how excited I am.
Maybe you could schedule|a staff meeting
so I could hit the ground|running on Monday.
No, no.
No, it can't be Friday,
because, remember, we agreed|that we would start next week?
So again, thank you so much|for this opportunity.
Mrs. Scavo?|Yeah?
I think you might have|forgotten somethin'.
Could you hold on a second?
Oh, my God.
She's fine.
I was on the phone.
I was talking to my new boss, and I...|- She was only in there for a minute.
But it's 85 degrees outside.|I've never done this before.
You got a lot on your mind--|three kids and a newborn,
it sounds like new job.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah. It's a lot to handle.
There you go.
Mm.
I should probably get back|to Susan's windows.
Uh, you take care.
Lynette,|are you still there?
Lynette?
Hello?
Are you still there?
Hey. You coming back in?
No.
I'm gonna go help my daughter|with her homework.
Ugh.
Yard sale!
Oh! Good. You're here.
How are you, Eli?
Fine. You?
Great. Yeah, I haven't worn|these Jeans in a while,
and I found 20 bucks|in the pocket.
Don't you just love|when that happens?
Also, Karl left me|for his secretary,
so I need you|to change these locks.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, thanks, but don't be.|Just hurry.
Karl said he was coming by|to get some of his stuff,
and I want this place|to be a fortress by then.
You're doing all right,|though?
Oh, well, on one hand,
I got dumped for a pair|of headlights named Brandy.
On the other, I reported|Karl's credit cards stolen,
and I cut the pockets|out of all of his pants.
So a little from column "a,"|a little from column "b."
Oh. Sorry.
Well, if it's any consolation,|redheads are nuts.
What do you mean?
That she'll make his life|a living hell.
It sounds like|what he deserves.
Brandy's not a redhead.|She's blonde.
So, uh, you maybe want to go|with a dead bolt this time?
What... do... you... know
I saw him around town|a couple times with a redhead.
Uh, people in the neighborhood|were talking.
I-I thought you knew.
I didn't.
Would you feel any better
knowing that, uh,|she's kinda chubby?
Just leave!
But what--|but what about the locks?
I-i-if Karl's coming...
Change the locks, then leave.
Okay,|but I really am sorry--
Change the locks,|don't talk to me, then leave.
Susan?
Susan, did you call me?
I couldn't really understand|the message.
Oh, wow.
You want me|to come back later?
Are you all right?
No. Of course you're not.
I heard you and Mike|are getting divorced.
I'm sorry.
Probably not|what you want to hear,
but I thought|you were a great couple.
Thanks.
Sweet.
Do you--maybe you remember|what you wanted me to do?
Locks.
Change the locks. Got it.
Let me go see what I got|out in the truck.
Susan...
I don't know much|about love.
I... I dabbled in it|once or twice,
but it always seemed|more trouble than it was worth.
I told myself|I wasn't missing much.
But watching you|all these years,
how...|how hard you've tried, how...
how hurt you've been,
but you still...
keep getting back up,|you dust yourself off,
then you try again.
Maybe I am...
missing something.
Maybe...
maybe it is worth it.
And, um, I'm sure|it's not gonna help
for you to hear|tell you this,
but you're damn heroic|to me.
You are.
Yeah.
Hey. Just dropping these off.|I finally got 'em cut.
Tell Jackson|I'm sorry it took me so long.
Actually, um...
Jackson and I split up.
Wow. I'm sorry.
Am I sorry?
Oh, yeah.
He's a great guy.
I just, uh,
want to be alone right now.
Well, good for you.
Oh, hey.|- Mm?
As long as you're here,
I think there's a loose shingle|on my roof.
Do you think maybe|you could fix it for me?
Oh, I'd be happy to.
But just so you know,
it'll be the last thing I ever|fix for you. I'm retiring.
What?
Today's my last day.
You can't retire.|I break too many things.
I know. You paid for the trip|to Hawaii I'm gonna take.
No, it's the right move.|Be happy for me.
Hey, I am happy for you.
It's just, uh...
this is gonna sound crazy.
What?
Um, I think you have been
the most consistent|male relationship in my life.
You're so stable and reliable,|and I just...
always thought|you'd be around.
Which is funny, because I don't|really know anything about you.
Well, how about this--|I fix your shingle,
and when I'm done, you can|ask me anything you want.
Great.
I will go to the store right now|and get some wine
so we can toast|your retirement.
I like that. Perfect way|to end my time on Wisteria Lane.
Oh, yes.
What kind do you like--|red or white?
Either one. Just make sure|it's a screw top.
Eli Scruggs was buried|on a Saturday...
and all the people that Eli|had helped over the years
came to pay|their last respects.
But one person was missing--
someone who had changed|Eli's life...
in a way he never forgot.
Hope I'm not interrupting|your day.
Not at all. Can I help you?
I was hoping I could help you.|I'm a handyman.
Just moved into town.|Looking for work.
Sorry. I, um, I don't have|anything that needs fixing.
Well, if you ever do,|uh, here's my card.
"Eli Scruggs."
What a distinctive name.
People do seem to remember it.
So if any of your friends,|uh, need help,
I can do pretty much anything.|- I don't know. Um...
If you have a extra card or two,|I-I could hand them out.
Oh,|I'd really appreciate that.
Oh.|Oh.
Anyway...
thank you for your time.
I have a broken vase.
I'm sorry?
I-I was, uh,|dusting the other day
and knocked it off the bureau,|like an idiot.
Anyway, I saved the pieces.
If you could glue it|back together for me,
I'd really appreciate it.
Oh, ma'am,|you don't have to do that.
Mr. Scruggs,
I need my vase fixed.
It means a lot to me.
Now you're not gonna|make me beg, are you?
No, ma'am, I'm not.
Good.
Come on in.
Mr. Young?
Oh. Didn't mean to disturb you.
Your front door was wide open.
Oh.
Eli, I-I don't have any work|for you today.
I'm just here to drop off|that handle you wanted.
Finally found one that matched.|Want me to install it?
Not today.
Okay.
I'll just be going then.
Eli, wait.
What?
Do you remember this?
Oh, right.
This is the very first|thing you ever fixed for me.
Yeah, that must have been what,|uh, two years ago?
Yeah.
I just that glue really held, huh?|- Yeah.
I want you to have it.
What?
Why?
I've just been|doing some thinking
about the people I know,
the ones who've walked|into my life
and made it better than it was before...|- Oh.
People like you.|- Oh.
Anyway, I've--I've--|I've never said "thank you."
Oh, no, I'm--I'm the one|who should thank you.
You--you introduced me|to all your friends.
My business|couldn't be better.
I'm so glad.
Yeah.
Anyway, I, uh,|I want you to have this.
Mrs. Young...
Are you all right?
Everything's fine.
Are you sure?
You should go now.
So I look in the window,
and there's blood everywhere--
all over the walls and the ceiling...|- Oh!
Not to mention,|her hardwood floors,
which she just had installed|last week.
I don't know|what she was thinking.
I just wish there had been|some warning,
some sign that she would do|such a thing.
Eli Scruggs sat in his truck|for almost an hour,
devastated that he had done|nothing to save me.
He then made a quiet vow|to God--
From that moment forward,
he would do what he could|to help people,
to help them fix their lives.
And for the rest of his life,
that's exactly what he did.
That was a lovely service.
Eli would've liked it.
Hell of a turnout.|- Who knew he had so many friends?
I'm not surprised.|He was a good man.
I can't help feeling
there's more we could have done|to honor him.
Well, let's just make sure|we remember him.
Eli would have said that's more|than most people get.
And he would have|been right...
As usual.
Wait.
I wanted to fix something|for Eli for a change.
And somewhere,
in a place reserved|for the very best of us,
Eli Scruggs smiled|and said, "thank you."
Subtitles by LeapinLar