Desperate Housewives S03E17 Dress Big (La planète des fringues) (VO&VF+STFR&EN)
- My back. I threw it out. - Jeez, are you crying?
Just a little.
Edie got an unexpected visitor...
Remember my little boy?
- I didn't know your son was coming. - His father dumped him for four weeks.
Gaby became the object of Victor's desire.
Have you not noticed? I'm a catch.
I have noticed, and I'm throwing you back.
And as Mike struggled to recall his past,
Ian's jealousy spurred him to action.
- Will you be my wife? - Yes!
God, I'm so nervous.
Don't be. They're going to adore you as much as I do.
Oh, thanks. I needed to hear that.
Ah, darling, thorns.
Oh! I'm... I'm so sorry.
If there was one thing Ian Hainsworth was sure of,
it was that his love for Susan Mayer was indestructible.
He knew this because it had been tested again...
...and again...
...and again.
Still, Ian had found a way to forgive Susan her occasional lack of grace.
Oh, here they come.
The question now on his mind was,
would his parents be able to do the same?
Father.
This is my fiancée, Susan. These are my parents, Graham and Dahlia.
Delighted.
You weren't exaggerating, she's a vision.
It's so great to finally meet both of you.
- Oh, this is for you. - Careful, Mother.
- Thorns. - Ian, I know how to hold a rose.
Yes, of course, of course. I just didn't want Susan to...
You're right, sorry.
- Anyone hungry? - Yes.
So one puts the meat atop the burning coals? How wonderfully primal.
Yes, I'll feel like some gloriously rough-hewn cowgirl, enjoying her...
What's the word? Vittles?
- No, that can't be right. - No, it is. It's "vittles".
- So can I get you something to drink? - I'd adore just a thimble of gin.
Oh, no. You stay, darling. I can manage.
It seems to be going rather well. Touch wood.
Were you worried?
Introducing one's fiancée to one's parents is a bit fraught.
You don't have to tell me.
The first time I met Dahlia's parents was a complete disaster.
We were at tea and there was this plate of small cakes,
and as I offered one to her mother, I tipped the plate, and plop!
A scone fell right into her Ladyship's teacup!
Ouch!
Earl Grey everywhere! On the cloth, her mother's skirt...
- You must have been mortified. - Oh, I was. It was an absolute debacle.
Um, guys?
Uh, don't worry. She's all right.
Yes, Ian Hainsworth knew
his love for Susan was indestructible.
Unfortunately for his mother, chiffon was not.
In every housewife's closet there's a treasured article of clothing
that she refuses to part with.
It might be an old cheerleader uniform that symbolizes her youth.
Or the last bikini she wore before she had children.
Or a pair of expensive pants she prays will come back in style.
But for Gabrielle Solis, every piece of clothing was a treasure.
Carefully selected, beautifully maintained,
and utterly irreplaceable.
Can't believe you bought another bustier.
I shouldn't shop for lingerie when I'm horny.
It's like buying groceries when hungry.
In a slump, huh? How long's it been?
About three weeks and I am dying.
I am this close to seducing my gardener.
Been there, done that.
Mmm, that scrumptious teenager of yours. Hey, do you think...
- He's married. - Mmm. Damn.
How about that Victor Lang? Have you two...?
No. God, no. In fact, I think I'm dumping him after dinner tonight.
Why? He's rich, he's gorgeous, he's probably going to be mayor.
- I mean, what more do you want? - I don't know. He's just too arrogant.
He acts like I'm some trophy he's already won. It's infuriating.
Yeah, that's awful. Can I do him?
Oh, stop it. You cannot be that hard up.
Did I mention my gardener's 62?
What the hell is this?
Ooh.
Oh, my God!
No!
- Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, hey, hey!
Honey?
- Where's your uniform? - Oh, crap. I left it at home again.
Yeah, I figured you would. Again. That's why...
I pulled an extra one from the back.
Thanks. Are you sure it's the right...
Yep. Your size.
Listen, I was thinking. Wouldn't it be better if the staff wore a uniform,
and you and I wore regular clothes?
That way, it's like, "Hi, welcome to Scavo's. We're the Scavos. "
Yeah, but I like wearing the uniform.
And when you don't, it looks like we all work for you.
Oh, good point. OK, here's another good point. I hate orange.
Since when?
Since always. You know my closet.
Surely you've noticed I don't own anything orange.
- No. - Orange says, "Beware.
Something bad's going to happen. " That's why it's used for life vests,
- traffic cones and convicts. - Lynette.
Also, it washes me out completely.
You're wearing the uniform.
Are you speaking as my husband or as my boss?
Definitely your boss.
Your husband, too damn scared of you.
As well he should be.
As Edie walked home,
all she could think of was her non-existent love life...
Pass it to me!
...and how much she wanted back in the game.
It was just then she saw someone
she might like to play with.
Hi!
Did you see that, Edie? The kid's looking good, huh?
- Mm, looking real good. - Can we play another game?
No, it's lunch time. You go wash up.
- Bye, Carlos. - Bye.
You have been so great with Travers. Let me take you out for steak tonight.
You don't have to pay me back. I'm having more fun than he is.
Well then, we'll just have to arrange for another play date.
Any time.
- Look who's back. - Yes, let's try this again, shall we?
- I am so sorry about... - Please! Not another word.
Chiffon at a barbecue? I was asking to be immolated.
- Drink with dinner, Mother? - Oh, God, yes.
Not that chair. That's the wobbler. I'm saving up for a new set. Sit here.
Ian tells us you have a young daughter. Won't she be joining us?
Julie? No, she's at her father's this weekend.
- Oh. - Is something wrong?
Well, it's just that Ian told us that your husband had been gone for years.
We assumed you were a widow.
No, Karl's alive and kicking... sadly.
So you're a divorcée?
What happened? Did he beat you?
No. Of course not.
She had ample grounds, Mother. Karl was a shameless womanizer.
- So it was just adultery? - Just adultery?
To my way of thinking, men are, by nature, weak.
I think Graham will back me up on that.
Really, Dahlia.
If you want your marriage to last, when your husband strays,
you extract some suitable penance and get on with it.
Punish the sin, but love the sinner.
Yeah, well, with Karl I was more, "Divorce the ass and seize the assets. "
So you better watch out. Betrayal makes me vengeful.
Well, that's good to know.
Yes, it certainly is.
The water heater in the attic had burst.
Everything is ruined. My clothes, my shoes, dresses.
- Why are you smiling? - We have different perspectives.
You see ruined clothes and I see a woman who could use a rich boyfriend.
You will never be my boyfriend.
How much longer are you going to pretend you're not crazy about me?
Not much longer. This is our last date.
Didn't you say it was our last date on our last date?
- I mean it this time. - Do me a favor. Mean it next time.
I'm getting an award at the Rotary Club.
Boring.
Come on. I want my date to be the most beautiful woman in the room.
Is that supposed to flatter me?
Only if you've never seen the women of the Rotary Club.
Shut up and get me a sweater. Have you even noticed how cold I am?
- Noticed? It's made my whole evening. - Sweater! Now!
How about a nice cashmere cardigan?
- Oh, my God! - What?
Look at this!
There's Lacroix, and Ungaro and vintage Gaultier.
I don't know much about fashion.
Shh! They can hear you.
Oh, my God! There's another rack back here!
Is this all your ex-wife's stuff?
Yeah. She's storing it here until her new house is ready.
Oh, my God! She wears my size.
It's amazing. Nobody wears my size.
Well, I guess I have a type.
Normally that would creep me out,
except it means that I can borrow this one-of-a-kind Andare for our date.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Heel, girl. This belongs to my ex.
- So? - So I don't think she'd appreciate me
loaning her clothes to my girlfriend.
OK. A, I'm not your girlfriend.
And B, she's not going to find out unless you tell her.
Come on! A dress this gorgeous is meant to be seen.
Every day it hangs in a closet an angel loses its wings.
That's very cute. But the answer's still no. Come on. Let's go.
Gaby.
I just wanted a moment to say goodbye.
So in the next scene, the guy wakes up and the girl...
Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, one of those,
is standing there holding a tray of pancakes.
- What happens then? - I keep telling you I don't remember.
What's the difference? It's just a stupid movie I saw.
Yet every time you remember it, you feel sad or upset.
I think something happened at that movie or just afterwards.
- Who did you see it with? - Well, it's obviously some chick flick.
So probably Susan.
Why not ask her? Maybe she can tell you what happened.
No. No, I don't want to bother her.
She just got engaged.
This therapy isn't just about recovering your memories.
It's about you getting closure.
The emotions you feel won't be resolved until you know what they're about.
I don't know.
Come on, talk to Susan. What could it hurt?
That's awesome. I love model airplanes.
- Help me put it together? - Sure.
I'll see you after school.
- Can you come at seven instead? - Why so late?
Mom says I can't play until I finish my homework. Bye.
He's coming. So can I stay up and watch my show now?
You can stay up as late as you want, champ.
Tomorrow, you are going to have an early night.
Yep.
Your father's been up there 20 minutes. Are you sure he's OK?
He's fine. He always lies down after dinner.
He says it helps his digestion. Relax. It's going very well.
- I set your mother on fire. - And you've been charming ever since.
Trust me, when she looks back on tonight she won't even remember the fire.
But she may remember this.
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! Are you all right?
Yes, I'm perfectly fine. At least this blouse made it through dinner.
Let me get you a towel.
Oh.
Hello. Oh, I hope you don't mind.
Dahlia has a birthday coming up and I saw this hanging there and thought,
"A robe. Well, there's a notion. "
So I just tried it on to get a sense of the drape.
Were you also thinking of getting her a lace bra?
Oh, dear God!
Please don't mention this to any of my family.
Just take the robe off.
And whatever you have on underneath, consider that yours.
Be reasonable, dear. I'm only trying to protect you.
From Susan? She doesn't care about money. She's never asked for a cent.
Your logic is as wobbly as the dining room chairs she can't afford to replace.
I love Susan, and I won't ask her to do this.
Oh, hello! Mother's fine. I found her a sweater.
- Oh. So what won't you ask me? - Nothing.
I was wondering if you'd object to signing a document that says,
should you and Ian part ways, you'll accept a cash settlement
and not go after the money he inherits from us.
- You mean a pre-nup? - Please, try to understand,
our country estate has been in our family for generations.
We want it preserved for the children we hope Ian will have,
not lost in some pricey divorce.
Well, who's getting divorced? I'm in this for keeps.
You said the same to your first husband
before you bolted with all you could carry.
OK. Hey.
Mother! Susan is not signing anything.
Fine. Then we'll leave it all to your brother.
Do you think Nigel's going to give you a grandson?
He's an alcoholic homosexual.
With a castle at stake, he can learn a new skill.
OK, stop this! We invited you here to celebrate our engagement.
Now I'm divorced and Ian's disinherited?
Hello. Have I missed anything?
We'll be going soon. Please don't be offended.
All of us go into marriage convinced that everything will be perfect.
God knows I did.
And then one day I found a bill for some expensive lingerie.
Bustiers, peignoirs, none of it in my size.
Certainly opened my eyes.
But I'm not like my father.
Trust him. He's not.
I'm sorry, Ian.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Mrs. Scavo. I'm sorry. We were just taking a quick break.
- We'll get back to work. - No, no, don't be silly.
Who am I, Tom? I'm one of you guys! Sit down.
Hey. You know what we could use?
A good old-fashioned bitch session. Get some stuff off our chests.
So what's bugging you guys? OK, I'll go first.
How do we feel about these uniforms? A little "eh"?
Uh, they're OK.
But why do we have to pool our tips. Why can't we just keep what we earn?
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Good point, good point.
But right now we're talking about these ugly-ass uniforms.
You know what bugs me? No health benefits.
- I'm kind of worried about this mole. - Focus, people!
The subject is shirts. It's killing morale.
- Well, I kind of like them. - Really, Kim?
Because I heard one of your customers say that when Halloween comes around
we should stick a candle in your mouth.
See? Morale. You guys need to stand up for yourselves. It's your right.
No, it's your obligation to go to management and demand new shirts.
And if management doesn't like it, you tell him he can go screw!
OK, OK. Break's over, people. I'm going to go find Tom and talk.
Oh! Good.
I can't believe you tried to undermine me like this.
Well, you gave me no choice.
It's just a uniform. Why can't you wear it?
Because I need to win one, Tom.
What?
You keep ordering me around and disagreeing with me and overruling me,
and I'm sick of it. We have to do things my way at least every once in a while.
This was the deal, Lynette. You agreed.
I'm in charge here, you're in charge at home.
Except we're never home. We live here. Our marriage happens here.
You know what? We can't talk about this now. We open in ten minutes.
- Later... - Later I'll be asleep,
and then I'll be back here before you wake up. We got to deal with this now.
OK. All right.
We'll deal with this now. I'm going to get ready for the dinner rush,
and you're going to wear the damn uniform.
No.
What?
I'm going home.
You're walking out on me?
I told you orange meant something bad was gonna happen.
Hi! Remember me? I had dinner here the other night.
I was driving through after having three teas.
I have to go to the bathroom. Do you mind?
Oh.
You and I are going to be so happy together.
I feel ten pounds lighter. Thank you.
Hey, you got a minute? I, uh, I need your help with something.
Um, I should probably get these inside.
Please. I need to ask you about a movie.
And so the last part I remember, the girl is putting these raw pancakes
in front of him, then something happened. I don't remember.
It was just a chick flick.
Mike, it wasn't a movie. That was us.
What?
Yeah. Um, that was the first night we spent together.
I wanted to surprise you.
- With raw pancakes? - They weren't all raw.
I was trying to spell "Mike" and the "M" was goopy.
- The "ike" was delicious. You loved it. - I did, huh?
No, it was gross, but you were sweet.
You gave me lots of kisses and said not to worry,
I'd get lots of chances to make you pancakes 'cause...
'Cause I was planning on spending the rest of my mornings with you.
You remember.
Yeah.
I should go because, uh, Ian's parents are here.
It's nice to see you. Thank you both for coming.
I know I've said it ten times, but you look fantastic.
- And my offer still stands. - You do not have to pay for my dress.
Come on. You only need it for my luncheon.
And it looks like it cost a bundle.
Trust me, it was a steal.
I'm going to go powder my nose, and then you can start showing me off.
- Heads up, I just saw your ex-wife. - What is she doing here?
A friend of hers is getting a plaque, too.
You want to duck out after your speech?
Are you kidding? I can't wait until she gets a good long look at Gaby.
Hey.
Hello. I love your dress.
- Thanks. - It's one of a kind, isn't it?
Yeah. Couture.
Andare?
Wow. Good eye.
Well, I do have an unfair advantage.
I bought it.
- So you're... - Uh-huh.
Well, first, let me just say, you have amazing taste.
If we'd met in any other context, we would so get along.
I left those clothes with Victor so he could store them,
not loan them to his sluts.
OK, you're mad. I'm just going to blow right by that slut crack.
I want my dress back, now.
OK, let's be reasonable. You can't wear two dresses to one lunch.
- It's not like I have a spare. - Not my problem.
Give me back the dress!
Go ahead. Yell all you want. You can't force me to take off this dress.
This is pepper spray.
In three seconds your eyeballs will be on fire.
Could you help me with the clasp?
Hello, Samantha. I heard you were... Isn't that Gaby's dress?
Gaby? You in there?
Hey, Victor. You're probably wondering why I've been in here so long.
Funny story, I ran into your ex-wife.
Yes, she brought me up to speed.
OK, it's time for bed, Travers.
But I want to show Carlos my new turtle.
Oh, right. I'm tired.
- I got to get going anyway. - Hey, you haven't finished your wine.
Early day tomorrow. Come on, kiddo. I'll tuck you in.
Sleep tight, Travers.
Oh, no! I'm such a klutz. I think I broke it.
Nah, it's just a flap. I can fix that.
- Edie? - Yeah?
I can't see what I'm doing here.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Maybe I should watch, so that if it breaks again, I can fix it.
OK. Uh, so this hinge needs to go in
at this angle so that the flap works.
- See? - Mmm. God, you're so mechanical.
- Edie, what are you doing? - Learning about flaps.
I think you're coming on to me.
Maybe.
OK, Edie, no! Come on. We're close friends and I don't want to ruin that.
Well, we're not that close. Let's just do it and see where it goes.
You know what? It wouldn't go anywhere.
Why not?
Mmm, 'cause I'm looking for a girl who wants to settle down
and be in a serious relationship. And you're not that type.
What type am I?
You're the fun type, who likes to dress sexy, and go out and meet new people.
Then go out the next night and meet another... new people.
You think I'm promiscuous?
For a house on a cul-de-sac, this place sees a lot of traffic.
Just because I'm popular doesn't mean I'm incapable of a lasting commitment.
Look, you can't even commit to your kid.
You keep dumping him on neighbors so you can go shopping.
That is, when you're not using him for sex bait.
Get out of my house.
Look...
Tom, me again. You should have been home 30 minutes ago.
I know you're still mad. I am, too.
So why don't you come home and we can be mad together? See you soon.
So what kind of orange is this shirt? Like a salmon or a coral?
Oh, cheese doodle.
Exactly. And I'm supposed to wear that every damn day.
It's not that bad. I once worked at this fish and chips place.
I had to wear an eye patch and a stuffed parrot on my shoulder.
Would you like to hear our specials?
Why don't you just tell Tom to pick another color?
This isn't about the shirt. This is about us working together.
Every day it's a battle. It's hurting our marriage.
You know what? I'll just tell Tom I need to step back.
- You mean, quit? - Yeah, we could hire a manager.
Wow. How do you think he'll feel about that?
Well, once he decides to stop hiding, I can ask him.
Know what? I'm tired of waiting.
I'm going to go down there and talk to him. See you guys later.
So, I guess this means we're babysitting the kids, huh?
Guess so.
I'm an idiot. Would you guys mind?
- We got it. Just go. - Thanks.
Tom!
Come on, I know you're still here.
Do you realize what time it is?
I know you're mad, but you just...
You can't avoid me all night.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, Tom. Tommy, Tommy,
OK. OK. You're breathing. That's good. That's good.
Hello? Hi. There's something wrong with my husband.
I... I don't know. He's unconscious.
357 Hawthorne Place.
OK, could you please hurry?
Thank you. Yes.
Listen to me. I forbid you to die.
If you leave me with a mortgage and a restaurant and five kids,
I swear I will track you into the deepest pit of hell and make you pay.
Do you hear me?
Come on, baby.
Oh, please.
So that's it? He threw out his back?
Oh, thank God.
I'm guessing he passed out from the pain.
But I want to be clear. A ruptured disc is very serious. He'll need surgery.
It'll be a while before he's back on his feet.
- How much of a while? - Well, three months.
- Three months? - Even then, he'll need to go easy.
What sort of work does he do?
We run a restaurant.
He shouldn't go back for four or five months.
Restaurant work is very stressful.
Yeah, it is.
What's that?
Oh, it's the pre-nup my parents want you to sign.
And you brought it to bed?
OK. Romance tip number one...
I just can't get it off my mind. I keep thinking,
"Why all this ungodly fuss?
Susan's not in this for money and heirlooms. "
Thank you! I don't want your stuff. What am I gonna do with half a castle?
Exactly. So why not just sign it?
Huh?
I mean, rationally, what's the difference between the promise
you just made to me and the same promise on paper?
Uh, well, the difference is huge.
I mean, one way you're trusting me and...
And the other way you're trying to make it official.
But isn't that what marriage is? Making your love official?
Ian, do you really want to start our life together making me feel like
I'm on probation?
You know that I trust you.
This isn't about my fears. It's about my parents.
Really? I think it's about someone else.
He just wanted me to help him remember something.
- Who? - Mike.
I saw you watching us. We were just talking.
I never thought anything else.
OK, I'll sign it.
Well, what... At least read it first.
I don't need to. I trust you.
Oh, hi, Mike! So, tell me, I've been dying to know.
Did you talk to Susan? Could she remember what the movie was?
Actually, no.
Well, hang in there. We'll figure it out.
Just a matter of time before it all starts coming back.
Here, have a seat.
Uh, listen, you've been really helpful the last few months,
but I think I'm done here.
Mike, I know this can be a frustrating process,
but if you give up now, there are so many memories that could be lost to you.
Yeah, I'm OK with that.
Oh, my God. How many did you take?
Sorry, I wanted options.
Stop judging me, I was hopped up on couture.
It's not funny. Samantha called her lawyer.
What? Over a dress? God, what a bitch.
Hey, don't call her that.
She threatened me with mace and slugged you! Now you're on her side?
I didn't marry an angry woman. I just divorced one.
What happened? Did you have some little mistress on the side?
Worse, I treated her like she was the mistress.
I set her up in a nice house. I gave her an allowance.
And then I came and went as I pleased.
She was always there when I needed her. But if she needed me, well...
And if she wasn't happy, she could always go and buy a nice new dress.
You saw the closet, so you know just how happy she was.
What?
I've known you two weeks,
and this is the first glimpse of a guy I could actually like.
A clueless, emotionally stunted workaholic?
A guy who can admit he screwed up.
One who's not trying to impress me every second with how perfect he is.
I wouldn't mind seeing more of that guy.
Well, his schedule's wide open. How about dinner tomorrow night?
I'd love to.
Although, what am I gonna wear now?
Doesn't matter. I'm just gonna talk you out of it.
Look who's back... Mr. Cocky.
He never leaves for long, does he, that guy?
Are there any points you'd like to discuss before you sign?
I'd like you to say, "We don't need this. We trust you. "
But you don't, so, uh, I'll sign it.
But once I do, I'm going to earn your trust by being a good wife to Ian.
Oh, we're sure you will be. Um, sign all three copies, please.
I mean it. I'm gonna be loving and faithful and above all, honest.
There'll be no secrets with Ian.
I'll tell him everything.
Well, we applaud your candor.
What I'm trying to say is,
there'll be no topic that I need to... skirt.
No issue that I won't address.
I won't conceal my true thoughts under garments of secrecy.
Good for you. Now, if you'll sign...
For God's sake! Anyone can see she's not a fortune hunter!
What are you doing? She is willing to sign!
Which proves she can be trusted!
I'm sure you'll be a good wife to Ian.
You can count on it.
Thanks for the flowers.
You're welcome. Come inside.
You know, about Travers, you can see him if you want.
- He misses you. - I miss him, too.
Just so you know, he's at a sleepover.
So, I didn't leave him alone with a six-pack and some matches.
Look, Edie, um, what I said about you the other day was...
Dead on. You nailed me, Carlos.
Maybe not the way I wanted you to, but still...
I had no right to judge you.
Besides, the guys, the clothes, the partying... that's you.
I mean, that's the Edie that we love.
Well, I'm glad you love her, because I'm getting pretty tired of her.
- Oh, come on, Edie... - I'm a 40 year-old party girl.
Do you think that I don't know that my days are numbered?
Yeah... I don't know what you want me to say here.
Don't say anything.
Just stop seeing the person I've been,
and start seeing the person I could be.
Look at me, not the Edie that I show the world.
In fact, let's lose her.
Forget the blouse that she wears
because she knows it shows off her cleavage.
What are you doing?
And the skirt that's so short
because she knows that guys love long legs.
And the heels, the ones that make her legs look even longer.
Edie, please.
Forget the bra that holds her breasts
a little higher than they are on their own these days.
And the panties...
The ones that hide the scar from my C-section.
This is it.
Hi, Carlos. I'm Edie.
I might not be the woman that you thought I was under all of that,
but I'm real and I'm here.
And I'm asking for a chance.
Hey, Andrew.
Oh thanks. He's gonna be OK.
No, no, absolutely not. We will open tonight as usual.
Hey, it's gonna be fine, Andrew. I will take care of it.
It's my job now.
Mm-hmm. OK. See you soon. Bye.
In every housewife's closet there's an article of clothing
that tells you more about its owner than she would want you to know.
It might be a shirt that she despises, but wears without complaint.
Perhaps it's some lingerie
she knows isn't hers, but refuses to discuss.
Or a dress she once loved,
that she can no longer bear to look at.
Yes, you can learn a lot about women
from what they choose to wear.
You can learn even more by what they choose to take off...
...and who they take it off for.