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[Mary Alice]
Previously on Desperate Housewives:
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00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,037
Mike's therapy hit a snag.
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00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,869
- I don't remember!
- Something happened?
4
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:08,999
Who'd you see it with?
5
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,009
- Probably Susan...
- Why not ask her?
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00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,841
- Mike, it wasn't a movie. That was us.
- What?
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00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:15,710
The first night we spent together.
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00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:19,309
I saw you watching us.
We were just talking.
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Gabby saw another side of Victor.
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00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,548
I didn't marry an angry woman.
I divorced one.
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I set her up in a house,
gave her an allowance.
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I came and went as I pleased.
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I've known you two weeks.
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This is the first glimpse
of a guy I could actually like.
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- Tom's back put him out of commission.
- [Lynette sobbing]
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- It'll be a while.
- How long?
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Three months.
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And Edie bared
more than her soul for Carlos.
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I'm here, and I'm asking for a chance.
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Edie Britt had always
thought of herself as passionate.
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Aggressively,
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relentlessly,
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violently passionate.
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Carlos Solis had always
thought of himself as passionate.
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Romantically,
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spontaneously,
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constantly passionate.
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So it was natural for Edie and Carlos
to assume that if they ever had sex,
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it would be amazing.
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And in fact, it was...
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Amazingly bad.
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- Morning.
- Morning.
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So... last night...
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Yeah, I know. Wow.
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Super wow.
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Is that clock right?
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Oh, man, I gotta get to work.
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Yeah. I gotta get home.
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So, uh...
So we should do this again.
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Oh, definitely. This week doesn't
seem to be that great. Maybe...
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Next week I'm swamped.
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Oh. Well, we'll figure something out.
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It was at that moment Edie and Carlos
had the exact same thought...
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Um...
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Thank you.
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No. Thank you.
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They would definitely
be having sex again...
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Just not...
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... with each other.
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It's so easy to spot the lonely ones.
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It wasn't the first time...
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They're the people
who tell stories to their plants...
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I kinda like him.
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... and whisper secrets to their pets.
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Come on! Get him of the court!
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And have arguments with their TV.
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He's running like his feet
are made out of lead!
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And the loneliest of all,
are the ones who talk to people.
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You know what I think?
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People who are no longer there.
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Phone's gonna ring any second.
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And it's gonna be Lynette
begging me to come over early.
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Did I tell you that Tom had
surgery on his back last week?
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Yep, that idiot's flat on his ass
while Lynette brings home the bacon.
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Again.
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I shouldn't judge. Plenty of people
didn't get what I saw in you.
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I won't name names... my sister Gayle.
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But I always told her that beneath all
the name-calling and the dish-throwing,
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we really loved each other.
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[phone ringing]
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Bet you 50 bucks it's Lynette.
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Hello?
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You lose, Gilbert.
What's up?
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I have to get to the restaurant.
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Could you come over and
get the kids off to school?
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00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,966
Why am I seeing pajamas?
Get dressed.
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Yeah, they are ready to go.
So what do you say?
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Oh, great. Thanks.
I owe you big time. OK, bye.
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All right. I'm heading out of here.
Wish me luck.
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More interviews?
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00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:45,313
Yeah, but don't worry, I'm gonna find
the assistant manager of your dreams.
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You sure? Because the last ten
résumés you showed me...
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Yeah, I know, I know. Bottom of
the barrel, convicts and losers.
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You're clear about that.
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Make sure they know
how to wrangle the employees.
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Like Kim, she never buses her tables.
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- I told you that.
- Oh, you're right.
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Hey, honey, I had an idea about
the specials for today...
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Goat cheese and mushrooms.
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Oh, for God's sake, Tom!
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I'm gonna be late for the interviews.
I should go.
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Honey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I know I am driving you crazy.
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It's just that I'm feeling
guilty laying here,
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totally worthless, while you
run the restaurant and the house.
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It's OK. I am gonna find a way to make
this all work. And you just get better.
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00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:32,395
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, Mrs. McCluskey, perfect timing.
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Make sure you have your cell phone.
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While you're interviewing,
I'll call, you can conference me in.
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That is a great idea.
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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Tom's gonna ask you to look for this.
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You will not find it.
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Great. Love you.
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Here's your beer.
105
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Oh, good job, chipmunk.
No foam this time.
106
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,956
I tipped the glass
just like you told me to.
107
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,762
I think someone's ready to salt
his first margarita glass.
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Mommy, do you have
trouble going to sleep?
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No.
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Why do you ask?
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I heard Carlos say you were bad in bed.
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What?
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Why'd he say that?
Do you have nightmares?
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OK, sweetie, I need you to focus.
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What exactly did Carlos say,
and who did he say it to?
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I went to get my soccer ball
from his yard.
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He was on the phone talking to someone.
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So what does "bad in bed" mean?
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Oh, it means you're
not good at making...
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...your bed.
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Mommy doesn't like people
saying she can't make a bed.
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Because, trust me, nobody makes a bed
as good as your mommy.
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If you want, I can tell people
you're good in bed.
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[nervous laugh]
No, no, no. That's fine, sweetie.
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If you want to help Mommy, just um...
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...top off her breakfast.
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Susan, I'm by the orange stand,
where are you?
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Cheese stand?
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I don't mind you going back
for free samples, but if you like it
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why not just buy some?
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Yes, of course, you're right.
It always tastes better when it's free.
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OK then, please hurry.
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Oh. Hello.
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Hey.
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Boy, you're everywhere these days.
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- Excuse me?
- Yesterday, Susan and I ran into you
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at the post office.
Last week, the movies.
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One might think you're following us.
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Trust me, "one" has better
things to do than follow you around.
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And yet here you are... again.
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00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,411
Ian, Fairview is a small town.
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You want distance? Move to the city.
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You've been awfully quiet since
we left the market. Is everything OK?
144
00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:27,102
Um, well, since you asked,
I'm having some problems at work.
145
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Really?
146
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:32,974
Yes, we're in the midst
of some corporate restructuring.
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I'm going to have to
spend more time in London.
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Oh.
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OK.
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00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:46,821
And, I was thinking,
maybe you and I should just... relocate.
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- To London? Permanently?
- I know it's sudden...
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Yeah, it's sudden!
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My whole life is here, my friends...
Julie is still in school.
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- Susan!
- [gasping]
155
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Oh, my God! Are you OK?
156
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I'm fine. I'm fine.
157
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OK. I can feel the car sinking.
We're gonna have to get to shore.
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Ian?
159
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,803
How deep do you think this water is?
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- Deep enough. Come on, let's move!
- Susan...
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I can't swim.
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What? You...
You said you played water polo.
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I said polo! With horses!
164
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How can you not know how to swim?
Didn't you go to summer camp?
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I stayed in the canoe! Let it go!
166
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OK, don't panic.
167
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Just grab onto my neck
and I'll swim for both of us.
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00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,103
I'm twice your size! We might drown!
169
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:08,140
Let's just stay here
and think of something else.
170
00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:10,698
If you stay here,
you'll definitely drown!
171
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,073
See how my plan is better?
172
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,147
Look, there's somebody on the shore!
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- It's Mike! He's here!
- Of course he is.
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00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:29,583
Mike!
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00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,271
OK, OK, OK!
I can walk from here!
176
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,836
Sorry. You were just
gripping me so tight.
177
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:55,184
Oh, my God.
Mike, you saved our lives.
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00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:59,455
And our cheese!
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Ian, can you believe it?
Mike saved our cheese!
180
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,229
Yes. He's quite the hero.
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00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:09,665
Yeah. Good thing I was following you.
182
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,976
Arnie, thanks for coming in.
183
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,672
We will definitely keep you in mind.
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00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,307
OK... OK.
185
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:27,181
Come on!
What was wrong with that guy?
186
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:31,519
He kept asking what we do
with the food people don't eat.
187
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,490
All right, so he's a fat loser.
188
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,652
Who'd you expect to get
for $8.50 an hour?
189
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:38,094
That's what we pay you,
and you seem happy.
190
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:41,031
Well, that's because
I'm doing the beer delivery guy.
191
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:45,161
OK. My fault for asking.
192
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:49,665
Uh... Rick Coletti?
193
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:52,267
- That's me.
- Oh, great, come on over.
194
00:11:54,246 --> 00:11:56,237
Your application?
195
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,939
One second.
196
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,350
That's been bothering me. Sorry.
197
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:07,222
No, it's great, you can spell.
You are now officially the front-runner.
198
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,625
Yeah, my grandma
came over from Naples.
199
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:12,186
Been making calzones
since before you were born.
200
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:14,858
How old do you think I am?
201
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,425
Thirty? Thirty-one?
202
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:22,236
Not afraid to shamelessly ass-kiss.
You're doing very well.
203
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,572
Great. Wanna skip to
the part where you hire me?
204
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:28,044
Well, I should probably
take a look at your application first.
205
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,379
OK.
206
00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:33,884
Don't be afraid if you
don't have experience.
207
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:38,322
I realize for what we're paying,
we're not exactly gonna get a... Whoa!
208
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,583
You were the sous-chef at Cucina?
209
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:43,253
- Yeah.
- That's a five-star-restaurant.
210
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:46,821
- Actually, four.
- Which is four more than we have.
211
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:52,030
Yeah, but this place has character
and charm, and a beautiful owner.
212
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,230
[chuckling]
213
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:56,433
Yeah, but seriously,
214
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,410
why would a four-star chef
wanna slum at a pizza joint?
215
00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:05,849
Mrs. McCluskey!
Mrs. McCluskey!
216
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:08,182
I'm right here.
Keep your shirt on.
217
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:13,920
I need another pill. And please
tell the kids to turn down the TV.
218
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:17,986
I yell, they turn it down. I walk away,
they turn it up. Vicious circle.
219
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:21,032
Surely you can control five little kids.
220
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,193
- Can I beat 'em?
- No.
221
00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,499
Then my hands are tied.
222
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:30,702
Hi, I'm home. And I've got good news.
I found a new manager.
223
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,266
- That's terrific.
- Yeah.
224
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:36,474
His name is Rick Coletti
and he was a sous-chef at Cucina.
225
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,143
Cucina? Why does he want
to work at our place?
226
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:42,881
Yeah, I had that exact same thought.
And to be honest, he has a history.
227
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,115
History?
228
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:47,091
You know how stressful it is
at a four-star-restaurant.
229
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,650
He, like many chefs,
started using cocaine to...
230
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:53,164
- Oh, no, no, no. No way.
- He's been clean for a year.
231
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:54,893
We're not the Betty Ford clinic.
232
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,231
But I've got a good feeling
about this guy.
233
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:58,895
All he wants is a fresh start.
234
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:01,599
I am not gonna hire a junkie
who's gonna turn around
235
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,609
and then hock our jukebox
just to feed his habit.
236
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,339
- No, find somebody else.
- I can't find somebody else.
237
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:11,543
I've interviewed 50 guys, and
this "junkie" happens to be the best.
238
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:14,142
Seriously, I don't know
how much longer I can...
239
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,916
Can we just talk about this later?
I'm in a lot of pain.
240
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,555
I'm sorry.
241
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:24,985
Please just do what I am asking.
242
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:29,394
Fine. I'II, uh, keep looking.
243
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,532
Jerk.
244
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,270
I had a good time tonight.
Who knew you could dance?
245
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,039
It's one of my hidden talents.
246
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,171
Invite me in.
I'll show you another.
247
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:44,216
Not tonight, thanks.
248
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,751
You'd tango with a man,
and not have sex with him?
249
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:49,185
That's actually against
the law in Argentina.
250
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:52,190
Come on, we both know
it's gonna happen eventually.
251
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:56,319
And every time you say that,
"eventually" gets a little further away.
252
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,886
Stop begging
or I'm not going to your rally.
253
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,431
OK, fine. I can be patient.
254
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:03,127
Far as I'm concerned,
the chase is half the fun.
255
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:08,299
Half the fun?
Oh, honey, if I ever do say yes...
256
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:16,781
...you're gonna adjust
that percentage way down.
257
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:30,659
You can't possibly
be eating more cheese.
258
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,823
What, you've never heard
of a midnight snack?
259
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:38,302
Unless you can think
of something else that I can nibble on.
260
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,439
Slide over, you cheddar-breathed tease.
261
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,171
[both laughing]
262
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:55,951
- Oh, what's that?
- It's a thank you gift for Mike.
263
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,589
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but didn't we thank him at the shore,
264
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,287
and when he dropped us off?
265
00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:08,061
I don't think you can thank somebody
too many times for saving your life.
266
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,794
I wish you'd stop saying that.
267
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,495
- What?
- That he saved my life.
268
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:14,061
I could've survived without his help.
269
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,300
If anybody did
any life-saving, it was me.
270
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:17,967
- You?
- Yes.
271
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,342
If I hadn't warned you,
it would've gone through the windshield
272
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:23,438
and ended up with
an antler in your brain.
273
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:24,982
Oh.
274
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,118
Um...
275
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,085
OK.
276
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,486
- That's a good point.
- Thank you.
277
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:33,889
But we were in a bit of a jam there,
278
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:38,794
and I don't think you should be
embarrassed for needing a little help.
279
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:41,833
I'm not embarrassed.
I don't feel emasculated either.
280
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:47,236
Emasculated? Who said emasculated?
And why are you not kissing me now?
281
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:49,802
I'm ready when you are.
282
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:01,682
OK.
283
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:07,290
I guess we're cutting
right to the... Whoa. Wow.
284
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:25,368
Don't worry. It happens to everybody.
285
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:32,950
- Maybe it would help to talk about it.
- No. I don't want to talk about it.
286
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:37,287
All right. We won't talk about it.
287
00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:45,156
Want some cheese?
288
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,434
Hey, how are you?
289
00:17:54,506 --> 00:18:00,001
I'm good. You might not think so,
but I am good.
290
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,979
Huh?
291
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:06,677
Where in the hell do you get off
telling people that I am bad in bed?
292
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,414
- I never said that!
- Travers heard you on the phone.
293
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:13,147
OK, I'm sorry.
I was talking to my cousin in Tucson.
294
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,056
We always trade bad date stories.
295
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:17,220
[gasping]
296
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:21,596
And to think that I went
out of my way to spare your feelings.
297
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,329
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Think you were bored?
298
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:27,497
I've had more thrills
leaning up against my dryer.
299
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,097
Then what was all that moaning?
300
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:31,972
I was in pain!
You were smashing my breasts.
301
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,443
Oh, come on.
302
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:36,743
You hunkered down on me like
you were hiding from border patrol.
303
00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:39,443
I was tired! You laid there
while I did all the work.
304
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:42,146
When we were done,
I felt like I should deflate you.
305
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:44,451
Yeah, well, sex is like tennis.
306
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:47,686
When you play an inferior opponent,
your game suffers.
307
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,920
Are you challenging me to a rematch?
308
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:58,032
- Maybe.
- So you want to do it again?
309
00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:01,198
If it'll shut you up.
310
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:06,038
Yeah, I'll fall on that grenade.
311
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,547
Oh, there's gonna be
an explosion. Come on.
312
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,486
- [grunting]
- Ow!
313
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,654
Ahh!
314
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,282
[screaming]
315
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,852
I'm prescribing
a mild painkiller for your back.
316
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,127
And I will see you in a week
to remove those stitches.
317
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,189
Great.
318
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:33,329
So how'd you folks get so banged up?
Car accident?
319
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,498
Bad sex.
320
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,341
Really bad.
321
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,841
OK.
322
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,617
Thanks.
323
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:51,415
God, what a disaster.
324
00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,323
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe it's for the best.
325
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,155
How so?
326
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:59,686
Well, we got it out of our system.
Now we can go back to being friends.
327
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:04,065
I mean, we like hanging out,
and Travers adores you.
328
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,866
Yeah, and I wouldn't want to ruin that.
329
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,169
Still, it doesn't make any sense.
330
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,733
Oh, I know. I'm hot, you're hot.
331
00:20:12,811 --> 00:20:17,214
On paper, we should be having great sex.
332
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,814
Well, we could always try again.
333
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:24,921
Yeah, me neither.
334
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:28,683
Yes, this town is hungry for change.
335
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:34,393
When Gabrielle agreed to attend
Victor Lang's campaign rally,
336
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:37,833
she was fully prepared to be bored.
337
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:42,272
I give you the next mayor
of Fairview, Victor Lang!
338
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:44,036
[crowd cheering]
339
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,543
But when Victor took the stage,
340
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:50,207
Gabrielle found herself
strangely enthralled.
341
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,085
Perhaps it was the cheers
that greeted his arrival.
342
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,884
Perhaps it was the
confidence he exuded.
343
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:06,329
Or perhaps it was the effect
he had on the citizens of Fairview.
344
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:10,732
Whatever the reason,
Gabby decided,
345
00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:14,898
not only did Victor Lang
have her vote...
346
00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,167
Thank you.
347
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:20,234
... it was time to
make a campaign contribution.
348
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:26,283
Sorry. Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry.
349
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:31,880
I'm afraid Mr. Lang has to take
an important meeting in his limo.
350
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,925
Now.
351
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,287
To the radio station, Clyde.
352
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:43,998
- So what's this all about?
- Your speech. I liked it.
353
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:50,573
Seriously? Here? Now?
354
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,907
Well, you laid out all your positions.
355
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:57,745
Don't you want to
get acquainted with mine?
356
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:01,877
Clyde, could you put up the partition?
357
00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:06,788
- Yes, sir. Anything else?
- Music. Loud music.
358
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,095
[Grateful Dead: Good Lovin']
359
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:22,135
Mrs. McCluskey!
It has been ten minutes.
360
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:26,803
- Where's my pie?
- I'm unloading the dishwasher.
361
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:28,869
You'll get your damn pie when I'm done.
362
00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,546
Mrs. McCluskey!
363
00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:38,480
I want my pie now.
364
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,824
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you heard me.
365
00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:46,091
Your being here isn't charity.
We pay you good money to help us.
366
00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:49,327
So when I ask you to do something,
I want it done.
367
00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:57,238
Well, here's a surprise for you: I quit.
368
00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:00,005
What? What? Why? Why?
What happened?
369
00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:03,605
Five kids are tough enough,
but your husband makes six.
370
00:23:03,682 --> 00:23:08,210
- And that's where I draw the line.
- I know Tom has been a little cranky...
371
00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:12,017
No, I'm cranky. He's insufferable.
I hate to admit this, Lynette,
372
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:15,491
but every time that man screams
out in pain, I do a little jig inside.
373
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,925
Look, I'll talk to Tom...
374
00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:19,088
- My mind's made up.
- Wait, wait! Please!
375
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,394
Don't do this.
I am at the end of my rope.
376
00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:24,765
I wish I could help you, Lynette.
I can see that you're going down,
377
00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:27,430
but I'm just too old
to get dragged down with you.
378
00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:30,498
[children laughing and screaming]
379
00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:44,719
OK, everybody, go on up to bed.
Parker, you got the baby.
380
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:48,248
Yeah, that's exactly right.
You know what to do.
381
00:23:49,628 --> 00:23:53,826
Before you speak, just know
that ever since McCluskey left,
382
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:57,630
I've been lying here feeling
like the biggest jerk ever.
383
00:23:57,702 --> 00:24:02,196
Tomorrow morning
I am gonna call her and apologize.
384
00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:05,107
I will fix this.
385
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,339
Well, you might also want to apologize
386
00:24:10,415 --> 00:24:14,078
to the customer
who found a Lego in her pizza.
387
00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,450
Oh, God, did the kids do that?
388
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:18,318
I hope.
389
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:23,794
Oh, God, it was so awful tonight.
390
00:24:23,862 --> 00:24:27,457
Oh, honey.
You know what you need?
391
00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:29,693
What?
392
00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:34,166
A seeing to.
393
00:24:34,239 --> 00:24:36,969
Once the kids are asleep,
394
00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:42,446
slip on that sexy blue thing
and then sneak back down here.
395
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:45,681
You want to have sex?
396
00:24:45,750 --> 00:24:47,775
But you're immobile.
397
00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:51,254
OK, maybe full-on sex
is a little ambitious,
398
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:55,726
but there's other stuff
that we could do.
399
00:24:56,528 --> 00:24:58,496
But you can't bend at the waist,
400
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:02,727
and that pretty much
leaves the heavy lifting to me.
401
00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:05,361
Trust me,
if you get us to the finish line,
402
00:25:05,437 --> 00:25:08,804
I will cross it.
403
00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:09,966
Ew!
404
00:25:10,742 --> 00:25:14,109
Is that why you apologized,
just so I'd service you?
405
00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:18,411
Honey, I have been trapped in this bed
all day long. I'm bored, I'm miserable.
406
00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:21,008
Can't you do this
one little thing for me?
407
00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:27,086
I have been doing everything
I can to keep our heads above water.
408
00:25:27,158 --> 00:25:29,422
I can't do you too.
409
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:39,332
For Gabrielle, the best part
of having sex with a new man
410
00:25:39,404 --> 00:25:43,636
was seeing how quickly
his affection would turn to obsession.
411
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,767
[machine beeps] No messages.
412
00:25:45,844 --> 00:25:49,507
But when Victor failed
to call the next morning...
413
00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:52,106
[machine beeps] No messages.
414
00:25:52,183 --> 00:25:55,118
... or the next afternoon...
415
00:25:55,186 --> 00:25:56,915
[machine beeps] No messages.
416
00:25:56,988 --> 00:26:00,389
... it was Gabrielle
who began obsessing.
417
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,254
Not a peep, in 24 hours!
418
00:26:03,328 --> 00:26:06,024
He's busy. Isn't he
debating the mayor tonight?
419
00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:08,463
I don't care!
He can find two lousy minutes!
420
00:26:08,533 --> 00:26:11,559
I'm here. Deal me in.
421
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:15,595
Sorry, no poker today.
Lynette had to work. Want a margarita?
422
00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:18,370
Well, I'd like three,
but I'll start with one.
423
00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:21,435
Ms. Solis? Sorry to interrupt.
You have any water?
424
00:26:21,513 --> 00:26:22,741
Yeah, in the fridge.
425
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,715
Who is that?
426
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:34,918
And why don't you put
your water on a lower shelf?
427
00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:38,124
Thank you.
428
00:26:38,196 --> 00:26:40,130
That's Toby.
He's fixing my closet.
429
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:43,656
Has your cocky boyfriend
gotten a load of the help?
430
00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:47,102
- Move away from that topic.
- We had sex yesterday, in his limo...
431
00:26:47,172 --> 00:26:50,266
Oh, I love limo sex.
Town car or stretch?
432
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:52,810
Stretch, of course.
I'm not a complete slut.
433
00:26:52,877 --> 00:26:55,641
The point is, he hasn't called since.
434
00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:59,241
- Oh.
- So how was the sex?
435
00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:02,343
Fantastic. As good as with Carlos.
436
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:04,786
That good, huh?
437
00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:09,418
God. I'm such an idiot. I gave it up way
too fast. Now I've lost all the power.
438
00:27:09,494 --> 00:27:10,654
Oh, come on.
439
00:27:10,729 --> 00:27:13,323
No, I'm serious.
Our mothers had the right idea.
440
00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:15,992
They let men think
they were the ones who needed sex
441
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,001
and women just went along as a favor.
442
00:27:18,069 --> 00:27:21,129
Men begged for every crumb,
and we never lost the upper hand.
443
00:27:21,206 --> 00:27:25,939
Yeah, no guy respects an easy conquest.
I make all my men wait.
444
00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:29,708
It's true. She has a little room
with magazines and an aquarium.
445
00:27:29,781 --> 00:27:32,978
I have so missed our friendship.
446
00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:38,683
I think if you really like this guy,
you should just be honest.
447
00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:40,816
Tell him that you feel a little hurt...
448
00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:43,622
Yeah, whining is really
gonna bring him to his knees.
449
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,327
You want to get this guy back in line?
450
00:27:46,398 --> 00:27:50,129
You hit him hard, hit him fast.
Is he the jealous type?
451
00:27:50,201 --> 00:27:51,634
Aren't they all?
452
00:27:53,571 --> 00:27:55,630
So what should I do to make him jealous?
453
00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:56,901
I got the shelves up.
454
00:27:58,076 --> 00:27:59,509
Anything else?
455
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:09,179
My opponent thinks
we should combat prostitution
456
00:28:09,254 --> 00:28:13,088
by mounting surveillance cameras
to embarrass the customers.
457
00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:17,322
I call that a blatant violation
of our citizens' privacy.
458
00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,625
If you're worried about privacy,
wear a hat,
459
00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,666
keep your head down
and you'll be fine.
460
00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:23,667
[laughter]
461
00:28:23,735 --> 00:28:26,397
[man] OK, thank you
very much, gentlemen.
462
00:28:26,471 --> 00:28:29,634
So let's move on to our next subject.
463
00:28:30,241 --> 00:28:33,540
You both have said
our citizens pay too much in taxes.
464
00:28:33,611 --> 00:28:38,173
How would you attract new businesses
to boost the city's tax base?
465
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:40,748
Mr. Lang?
466
00:28:41,953 --> 00:28:44,387
Mr. Lang?
467
00:28:44,456 --> 00:28:48,722
I'm sorry, would you, uh,
repeat the question, please?
468
00:28:48,793 --> 00:28:52,194
How would you bring
new business to Fairview?
469
00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:54,960
I would, uh...
470
00:28:55,033 --> 00:28:59,026
...offer tax exemptions
to first year start-ups.
471
00:28:59,104 --> 00:29:03,370
And that will increase our tax base?
472
00:29:03,441 --> 00:29:08,105
No, of course not. Not at first,
but when conjoined with...
473
00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:15,378
My opponent seems
a bit overtaxed himself.
474
00:29:15,453 --> 00:29:17,114
[laughter]
475
00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:24,391
Gentlemen, there's been much talk
lately regarding our local schools.
476
00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:28,060
What would you do
to improve public education?
477
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:29,926
Mr. Lang?
478
00:29:34,639 --> 00:29:37,130
Here you go. Sorry for the wait.
479
00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:39,802
- Miss? Please?
- I will be right there.
480
00:29:42,046 --> 00:29:44,446
Oh, my God, Mrs. Scavo,
I am so sorry.
481
00:29:44,516 --> 00:29:47,349
- Don't cry. Just clean.
- Miss, if you...
482
00:29:47,418 --> 00:29:49,579
I swear, I will be there in one second.
483
00:29:49,654 --> 00:29:52,782
Here you go. Here. Yeah?
484
00:29:53,992 --> 00:29:56,017
Let me guess... This a bad time?
485
00:29:56,094 --> 00:29:59,495
Oh, my God, Rick.
I never got back to you. I am so sorry.
486
00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:03,500
That's OK. I didn't mind waiting,
so long as it's good news for me now.
487
00:30:04,402 --> 00:30:07,963
Look, I think you're great,
and we would be lucky to have you.
488
00:30:08,039 --> 00:30:11,873
It's just my husband
isn't really comfortable...
489
00:30:11,943 --> 00:30:14,173
With an ex-drug addict in his kitchen.
490
00:30:15,046 --> 00:30:18,777
You can drug test me every week.
Anything you want.
491
00:30:18,850 --> 00:30:22,513
Just... I really need this job.
492
00:30:24,422 --> 00:30:28,586
- Miss!
- Could you excuse me a second?
493
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,891
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What's up?
494
00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:34,727
- I hate my calzone.
- Oh? What's wrong with it?
495
00:30:34,799 --> 00:30:37,063
It's just not good,
and I want a new one.
496
00:30:37,135 --> 00:30:40,571
I will put your order in,
but the kitchen's a little backed up.
497
00:30:40,638 --> 00:30:44,165
Not my problem.
You gave me a sucky calzone.
498
00:30:44,242 --> 00:30:47,211
I don't care if you have to
go back there and make it yourself!
499
00:30:53,918 --> 00:30:56,978
I can't do this.
500
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,849
It's just...
501
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,897
What is this?
502
00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:16,636
I'll make you a new calzone, sir.
503
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,438
Fresh basil, garlic.
You like sun dried tomatoes?
504
00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:20,943
Yeah, sounds good.
505
00:31:21,913 --> 00:31:24,177
Hey, is she all right?
506
00:31:24,949 --> 00:31:30,216
It's her grandma's calzone recipe.
She takes criticism very personally.
507
00:31:32,323 --> 00:31:36,555
Prep some dough for a calzone for me,
and get someone to chop some basil.
508
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,429
Yeah, OK. Who are you?
509
00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:43,966
- I'm Rick.
- You work here now?
510
00:31:50,308 --> 00:31:52,139
Looks like I do.
511
00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:00,649
Oh, is that new?
512
00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:05,280
I just bought it. But if you don't
like it, feel free to rip it off me.
513
00:32:05,356 --> 00:32:06,948
[chuckling]
514
00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:10,222
I have this book proposal
to discuss at an 8 AM meeting,
515
00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:11,990
so I can't really...
516
00:32:12,063 --> 00:32:15,624
Oh, that's OK.
If you gotta work, you gotta work.
517
00:32:17,001 --> 00:32:20,801
So I was thinking about London.
518
00:32:20,872 --> 00:32:22,203
Oh?
519
00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:27,711
Yeah. Julie's gonna be
applying to colleges soon,
520
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:32,648
and a year abroad
could give her a real boost.
521
00:32:32,717 --> 00:32:37,177
- So... let's do it.
- Are you serious?
522
00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:41,487
Yes. I want to spend time in your world.
523
00:32:41,559 --> 00:32:44,960
I want to play cricket,
I want to eat crumpets
524
00:32:45,029 --> 00:32:46,963
and I want to use the word "ghastly".
525
00:32:48,499 --> 00:32:53,994
God, Susan, you have no idea
how excited this makes me feel.
526
00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:57,067
Well, my thigh's getting an inkling.
527
00:32:57,141 --> 00:33:00,770
Call a realtor first thing tomorrow
and put our houses on the market.
528
00:33:00,845 --> 00:33:03,109
Not mine, OK?
We can use it when we visit.
529
00:33:03,181 --> 00:33:05,081
That's what hotels are for, darling.
530
00:33:05,149 --> 00:33:08,550
I don't want to sell my house.
Everybody I love is on this street.
531
00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:16,351
- What happened?
- I'm feeling tired.
532
00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:21,631
- You weren't tired a second ago.
- I'm not in the mood, all right?
533
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:23,760
Why not?
534
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:26,804
You know, I'm not used to
being grilled about my sex drive.
535
00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:30,329
Well, I'm not used to guys
bailing on me in the middle of foreplay.
536
00:33:30,408 --> 00:33:33,070
And by guys, of course, you mean Mike.
537
00:33:33,144 --> 00:33:34,202
What?
538
00:33:34,278 --> 00:33:38,146
Oh, I'm sure good old Mike
was ready and able, 24l7.
539
00:33:38,216 --> 00:33:40,650
You're not actually...
540
00:33:41,986 --> 00:33:44,386
Oh, OK. That's it.
541
00:33:44,455 --> 00:33:48,152
- I've had it!
- Susan!
542
00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:51,684
Really! I can't have
this conversation one more time!
543
00:33:51,763 --> 00:33:55,130
I've done nothing but prove
my love to you for the last year,
544
00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:57,030
and you cannot shut up about Mike!
545
00:33:57,101 --> 00:33:58,159
I don't trust the man!
546
00:33:58,236 --> 00:34:01,637
You don't have to trust Mike!
You have to trust me and you don't!
547
00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:06,775
That's what going
to England's about, isn't it?
548
00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:10,507
You're just trying to get me away
from Mike. You know what, screw it!
549
00:34:10,581 --> 00:34:14,039
I'm not going! And if you ever bring
up his name again, we're over!
550
00:34:14,118 --> 00:34:16,678
Got it? Over!
551
00:34:40,311 --> 00:34:43,974
Hi. This is from me and Ian.
552
00:34:44,816 --> 00:34:47,808
An electric juicer?
553
00:34:49,620 --> 00:34:53,215
Yeah, well, you know,
you try to think of a more appropriate
554
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:55,316
"Thank you for saving my life" gift.
555
00:34:58,529 --> 00:35:02,021
This works fine for me.
556
00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:04,261
Good.
557
00:35:10,308 --> 00:35:12,299
I should go.
558
00:35:13,377 --> 00:35:14,901
You OK?
559
00:35:16,514 --> 00:35:21,076
Yeah... I'm good.
560
00:35:21,152 --> 00:35:23,347
You sure about that?
561
00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:27,018
Yeah.
562
00:35:28,392 --> 00:35:29,689
Yeah, it's just...
563
00:35:32,730 --> 00:35:38,032
Ian and I had a little... thing.
564
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:06,921
- Hi.
- Hi.
565
00:36:11,435 --> 00:36:13,164
Ian, about what I said...
566
00:36:13,237 --> 00:36:17,901
You were right. You've never
given me a reason to doubt you.
567
00:36:18,409 --> 00:36:20,673
I'm an insecure idiot.
568
00:36:22,547 --> 00:36:27,416
I don't deserve you, Susan. But if
you'll please keep pretending that I do,
569
00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:33,185
I swear, I will not utter a single
jealous word for the rest of our lives.
570
00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:59,709
[Victor] Gabby, what were you thinking?
That stunt almost cost me the debate...
571
00:37:05,256 --> 00:37:07,690
[Victor] It's me again. OK, I get it.
572
00:37:07,758 --> 00:37:10,522
I forgot to call, and you were mad.
But still...
573
00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:17,925
[Victor] Hi, I hope you got the flowers.
574
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:20,470
Again, I'm so sorry for not calling.
575
00:37:25,676 --> 00:37:29,112
[Victor] Gabby, come on, what's it gonna
take for you to forgive me?
576
00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:30,704
I'll do anything you want.
577
00:37:33,684 --> 00:37:35,379
[doorbell rings]
578
00:37:38,189 --> 00:37:42,057
I brought you some flowers. In case
the other three bouquets get lonely.
579
00:37:42,126 --> 00:37:43,923
Thank you. You can go now.
580
00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:46,657
Don't want to take
any more time out of your schedule.
581
00:37:46,731 --> 00:37:49,222
How many times
do I have to say I'm sorry?
582
00:37:50,635 --> 00:37:52,626
I was thoughtless and inconsiderate.
583
00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:55,069
- Yes.
- But what you did was vicious.
584
00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:57,835
- Trying to get your attention.
- By humiliating me?
585
00:37:57,908 --> 00:38:01,002
Hey, you hurt me. If I have
to strike back to protect myself...
586
00:38:01,078 --> 00:38:02,978
That's what you think this is, combat?
587
00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:06,448
I have been taken for granted,
I'm not going to let it happen again.
588
00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:09,452
If I'm going to give myself to you,
you better worship me!
589
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,853
And I will do that.
Morning and evening services.
590
00:38:13,324 --> 00:38:14,814
Good.
591
00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:19,226
You have to stop treating this like it's
a boxing match only one of us can win.
592
00:38:19,297 --> 00:38:22,460
Maybe you haven't noticed,
but I'm in love with you.
593
00:38:22,533 --> 00:38:25,434
It would be nice if you'd
take the gloves off and trust me.
594
00:38:27,371 --> 00:38:28,804
You're in love with me?
595
00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:31,030
Yeah.
596
00:38:34,045 --> 00:38:37,776
My campaign, that's about winning.
597
00:38:37,848 --> 00:38:41,511
This, you and me, it's about happiness.
598
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:45,645
And we could both use a little.
599
00:38:48,926 --> 00:38:51,156
But maybe you need
time to think about it.
600
00:39:06,043 --> 00:39:08,671
Look, no gloves.
601
00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:22,520
Travers conked out
the moment his head hit the pillow.
602
00:39:22,593 --> 00:39:24,959
Poor little guy was beat.
603
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:28,863
Well, he should be.
We covered every inch of that zoo.
604
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:32,332
Oh, check this out.
You and Travers at the monkey house.
605
00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:34,871
Oh, I look squinty. Delete, delete!
606
00:39:35,873 --> 00:39:37,864
There's the one the pretzel guy took.
607
00:39:37,942 --> 00:39:41,173
Oh, look at the three of us.
You have to e-mail me that one.
608
00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:42,712
Isn't that great?
609
00:39:42,780 --> 00:39:46,443
You know, he thought
that Travers had my eyes.
610
00:39:46,517 --> 00:39:49,077
- Seriously?
- He totally thought we were a family.
611
00:39:49,153 --> 00:39:53,112
Oh, well, if we were, we'd be
one hell of a good-Iooking one.
612
00:39:55,259 --> 00:39:58,751
Yeah. Nothing better than family.
613
00:40:27,224 --> 00:40:30,284
Oh, wow.
614
00:40:31,061 --> 00:40:34,030
And this time I really mean it.
615
00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:36,692
Yeah... Me, too.
616
00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:39,827
[giggling]
617
00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:44,305
Well, are you gonna say anything?
618
00:40:44,375 --> 00:40:47,344
To be honest,
I've heard better apologies.
619
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:52,644
But I know how hard this must have been
for you, and that makes me happy.
620
00:40:52,716 --> 00:40:54,274
So I accept.
621
00:40:54,985 --> 00:40:58,011
Thanks. That's big of you.
622
00:40:58,088 --> 00:41:02,218
And it's big of you to admit you're
a chucklehead. I'll see you tomorrow.
623
00:41:03,561 --> 00:41:06,792
Did you hear that, Gilbert?
He apologized.
624
00:41:06,864 --> 00:41:10,732
I mean, I know he did it
just for her sake, but still.
625
00:41:11,735 --> 00:41:15,899
Maybe they have a
good marriage after all.
626
00:41:15,973 --> 00:41:20,774
But they'll never have what we had.
Will they, Gilbert?
627
00:41:20,845 --> 00:41:24,440
Not by a long shot.
628
00:41:25,382 --> 00:41:26,974
[Mary Alice] Passion.
629
00:41:27,051 --> 00:41:32,990
It's a force so potent we still
remember it long after it's faded away.
630
00:41:34,558 --> 00:41:36,321
A drive so alluring,
631
00:41:36,393 --> 00:41:41,729
it can push us into the arms
of unexpected lovers.
632
00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:45,558
A sensation so overwhelming,
633
00:41:45,636 --> 00:41:50,733
it can knock down walls
we've built to protect our hearts.
634
00:41:51,775 --> 00:41:53,675
A feeling so intense,
635
00:41:53,744 --> 00:41:59,580
it resurfaces even though
we tried so hard to keep it buried.
636
00:42:01,619 --> 00:42:04,213
Yes, of all emotions,
637
00:42:04,288 --> 00:42:08,816
passion is the one
that gives us a reason to live...
638
00:42:09,627 --> 00:42:15,224
... and an excuse to commit
all sorts of crimes.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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