1 00:00:00,121 --> 00:00:02,189 Previously on "Desperate Housewives"... 2 00:00:02,213 --> 00:00:03,560 Grandma's here. 3 00:00:03,584 --> 00:00:06,103 In life... It's a post-nuptial agreement. 4 00:00:06,127 --> 00:00:07,104 I'm not signing this. 5 00:00:07,128 --> 00:00:09,236 Aah! Sign it! 6 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,948 Stop! You're hurting me! 7 00:00:11,972 --> 00:00:13,780 Mrs. Solis, what are you doing here? 8 00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:16,171 You can't change what's already been done. 9 00:00:16,195 --> 00:00:17,994 People leave trails. 10 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,746 One of those trails will lead to Deirdre. 11 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,788 I'm not taking my money to the grave. 12 00:00:21,812 --> 00:00:23,080 I'm going to use it to save your ass. 13 00:00:23,104 --> 00:00:25,462 Or who people really are. 14 00:00:25,486 --> 00:00:28,106 Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay. 15 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,597 Mary Alice: Every morning 16 00:00:35,621 --> 00:00:37,514 as she went to take out her trash, 17 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:41,098 Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream, 18 00:00:41,122 --> 00:00:46,063 the details of which were always the same. 19 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:49,025 One day her nasty neighbor Karen McCluskey 20 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:53,029 would keel over and die, 21 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:57,204 and her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family 22 00:00:57,228 --> 00:01:00,077 with two adorable twin daughters. 23 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:05,082 The families would form an everlasting friendship, 24 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:08,505 culminating in their daughters marrying her sons 25 00:01:08,529 --> 00:01:11,168 at an elaborate wedding 26 00:01:11,192 --> 00:01:16,513 the scavos wouldn't have to pay for. 27 00:01:16,537 --> 00:01:21,138 Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream, 28 00:01:21,162 --> 00:01:24,681 but Mrs. McCluskey always had a way 29 00:01:24,705 --> 00:01:27,234 of pulling her back to reality. 30 00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:29,236 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 31 00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:32,609 Why are you stealing my garbage cans? 32 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:34,070 Garbage pickup was two days ago, 33 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,118 and these cans have been on the street ever since. 34 00:01:36,142 --> 00:01:37,954 I just assumed you didn't want them anymore. 35 00:01:37,978 --> 00:01:39,196 Oh, that's very cute. 36 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,958 That's good. Here. Give them here. 37 00:01:41,982 --> 00:01:43,460 It's bad enough we got to look 38 00:01:43,484 --> 00:01:45,627 at that god-awful color you painted the house. 39 00:01:45,651 --> 00:01:48,255 We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end. 40 00:01:48,279 --> 00:01:50,257 You want to talk about good neighbor etiquette? 41 00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:51,878 How about you hire a gardener 42 00:01:51,902 --> 00:01:53,970 to take care of that jungle you call a lawn? 43 00:01:53,994 --> 00:01:56,263 I am on a fixed income. 44 00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:57,554 Oh. Well, perhaps you should consider 45 00:01:57,578 --> 00:01:59,055 moving somewhere less expensive, 46 00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:00,307 like a nursing home. 47 00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:02,331 Go to hell. Run by Germans, hmm? 48 00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:07,684 And you know... 49 00:02:07,708 --> 00:02:09,816 Oh. Oh. 50 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,068 Mrs... Mrs. McCluskey. 51 00:02:12,092 --> 00:02:14,132 Mrs. McCluskey, are you all right? 52 00:02:15,926 --> 00:02:18,176 I'll get the door. 53 00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,328 Mrs. McCluskey. 54 00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:24,951 For a brief moment, Lynette was presented 55 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:27,265 with an interesting choice of options. 56 00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:32,589 And though she knew she'd hate herself in the morning, 57 00:02:32,613 --> 00:02:36,052 Lynette chose to do the right thing. 58 00:02:36,076 --> 00:02:37,884 Lynette, where are they taking me? 59 00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,926 You're going to the hospital, Mrs. McCluskey. 60 00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,218 You're going to be fine. 61 00:02:41,242 --> 00:02:43,310 I don't want to go alone. Come with me. 62 00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:46,022 Oh, um, these are trained technicians, 63 00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:48,355 and I've got a roast in the... 64 00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:50,317 Freezer. 65 00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:52,791 Please. I'm scared. 66 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,194 Yeah, I'll come with you. 67 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,196 Okay, here I am. Thank you. 68 00:03:01,101 --> 00:03:04,120 If I die, I don't want it to be with strangers. 69 00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:06,162 You're not going to die. 70 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,336 How can you be so sure? 71 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,210 Of course, Lynette didn't respond. 72 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,261 How could she tell her neighbor that some dreams 73 00:03:16,285 --> 00:03:20,557 were just too beautiful to come true? 74 00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:09,976 Mary Alice: Life is a journey, 75 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,731 one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. 76 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:19,816 But sometimes we lose our companions along the way, 77 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,360 and then the journey becomes unbearable. 78 00:04:23,384 --> 00:04:25,944 Mike: Noah. 79 00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:29,496 Didn't know you were a religious man. 80 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,917 What's with the rosary? 81 00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:34,170 They found dierdre. 82 00:04:34,194 --> 00:04:35,324 What? 83 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,427 Her body had been stuffed inside a toy chest. 84 00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:43,840 Can you believe that? 85 00:04:43,864 --> 00:04:46,294 A kid's toy chest. 86 00:04:51,171 --> 00:04:54,121 She'd been dismembered. 87 00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:01,300 Oh, my god. 88 00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:06,934 Cops I.D.'D her from her dental records. 89 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:14,000 She's been dead 15 years. 90 00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:17,464 All that time I was looking for her, 91 00:05:17,488 --> 00:05:21,468 she was already gone. 92 00:05:21,492 --> 00:05:24,090 I'm so sorry. 93 00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:29,636 I have to Bury my baby. 94 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:32,349 I came out here to, uh... 95 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:36,433 Figure out what kind of tombstone to get her. 96 00:05:36,457 --> 00:05:38,435 You shouldn't be doing this now. 97 00:05:38,459 --> 00:05:40,146 Let's get you home. 98 00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:44,280 There's a cop I want you to talk to. 99 00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:45,572 A cop? 100 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,614 His name is Sullivan. I paid him 101 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:50,116 to take the heat off you for your neighbor's murder. 102 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:54,080 He'll get you the file on dierdre's case. 103 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:57,324 Apparently, they have some leads. 104 00:06:04,575 --> 00:06:05,962 Rex: I don't know. 105 00:06:05,986 --> 00:06:08,264 I think we may be making a huge mistake. 106 00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:10,767 Bree: We made our decision. Let's just stick to it. 107 00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:12,679 Let's say we leave him here three more weeks. 108 00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:14,480 What's the worst that could happen? 109 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:18,234 Our son just told us that he might be gay. 110 00:06:18,258 --> 00:06:21,528 There are 200 other boys in this camp. 111 00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:23,650 Now, I could explain to you 112 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,581 what might happen if we left him here, 113 00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:26,863 but I'm a lady, 114 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,057 and I don't use that kind of language. 115 00:06:34,184 --> 00:06:36,461 You know, I bet we're worrying ourselves sick over nothing. 116 00:06:36,485 --> 00:06:37,994 This is probably just a phase. 117 00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,375 Exactly, so we'll get him home, 118 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,297 we'll get him into Christian counseling 119 00:06:41,321 --> 00:06:42,709 so it won't become a lifestyle. 120 00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:44,716 Well, whatever's going on with him, 121 00:06:44,740 --> 00:06:46,713 he's still our son, and we love him. 122 00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:48,555 Why would you say that to me? 123 00:06:48,579 --> 00:06:50,507 Because it's obvious how freaked out you are 124 00:06:50,531 --> 00:06:52,178 by the whole gay thing. 125 00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:53,560 I may be freaked out, 126 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,861 but that doesn't change how I feel about him. 127 00:06:55,885 --> 00:06:58,086 I'm just saying be cool. 128 00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:04,441 I can be just as cool as you can. 129 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,135 All right. 130 00:07:16,266 --> 00:07:19,205 It'll be nice to have you back. 131 00:07:19,229 --> 00:07:20,997 Andrew... 132 00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:24,661 I would love you even if you were a murderer. 133 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,014 Mommy, the line's not moving. 134 00:07:38,038 --> 00:07:40,396 Oh, for Pete's sake. 135 00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:48,525 Mom. Mom. What? 136 00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:49,776 Kids are waiting. 137 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,779 Oh, honey, Hector here teaches salsa dancing 138 00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:54,410 at the community center. 139 00:07:54,434 --> 00:07:57,203 I give private lessons, too. 140 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:58,665 Oh, I bet you do. 141 00:07:58,689 --> 00:07:59,786 Mom. What? 142 00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,998 Could you please not flirt with the ice cream man? 143 00:08:02,022 --> 00:08:03,169 Why not? 144 00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:04,926 Do you need a reason beyond the fact 145 00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:06,583 that he's the ice cream man? 146 00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:09,676 It's called moving on with your life. 147 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,048 You just broke up with morty two weeks ago. 148 00:08:12,072 --> 00:08:13,590 Don't you think you can at least pretend 149 00:08:13,614 --> 00:08:14,687 to mourn the relationship? 150 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:17,053 Oh, you are such a stick in the mud. 151 00:08:17,077 --> 00:08:19,475 We should be out there having fun. 152 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,648 I know what we can do tonight. 153 00:08:21,672 --> 00:08:25,692 We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys. 154 00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:27,694 Mom... oh, it'll be great. 155 00:08:27,718 --> 00:08:30,508 I'll say I'm 42, and you can be 28. 156 00:08:32,132 --> 00:08:33,610 What? 157 00:08:33,634 --> 00:08:35,854 Oh, you can pull it off. 158 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,715 Mrs. McCluskey, you're back from the hospital already? 159 00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:47,624 Turns out I o.D.'D a little bit on my arthritis medication. 160 00:08:47,648 --> 00:08:49,125 One pill, I can open a jar. 161 00:08:49,149 --> 00:08:51,968 Four pills, I'm face-down crawling for my life. 162 00:08:51,992 --> 00:08:54,180 You'll find out about that soon enough. 163 00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:55,471 Ha ha. 164 00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:58,394 Well, I'm glad to hear you're all right. 165 00:08:58,418 --> 00:08:59,435 Here. 166 00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:00,767 My way of saying thank you 167 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,689 for not letting me die out there on the lawn. 168 00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:04,440 Oh, Mrs. McCluskey, you don't... 169 00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:06,317 Keep that. It's genuine Tiffany. 170 00:09:06,341 --> 00:09:08,234 It's been in my family for years. 171 00:09:08,258 --> 00:09:10,316 I don't know what to say. 172 00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:13,170 It's... it's stunning. Thank you. 173 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,625 I'd invite you in, but... 174 00:09:28,649 --> 00:09:30,506 Well, I wanted to tell you what my doctor said. 175 00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:32,468 Seems that arthritis is the least of my problems. 176 00:09:32,492 --> 00:09:33,760 See, I had this skin tag... 177 00:09:33,784 --> 00:09:35,767 Or what I thought was a skin tag, 178 00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:37,656 but it turns out it might be more serious. 179 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,350 What do you think you're doing? 180 00:09:44,374 --> 00:09:46,187 Please... I can't sleep in the den anymore. 181 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,734 I need to sleep in a bed. 182 00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,646 Well, then, you might want to try a motel, 183 00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,778 because you're not coming back in here. 184 00:09:53,714 --> 00:09:55,621 How many times have I got to say I'm sorry? 185 00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:57,596 Obviously, a few more. 186 00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:01,868 I am not proud of what I did. 187 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,120 I admit, I was way out of line. 188 00:10:04,144 --> 00:10:06,913 You want back in this bed? 189 00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:08,665 You know what to do. 190 00:10:08,689 --> 00:10:12,258 I'm not tearing up the post-nup. 191 00:10:12,282 --> 00:10:13,589 Why not? 192 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,426 Because it's the one way that I can ensure 193 00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:17,423 you'll be here when I get out of jail. 194 00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,345 Well, then have fun at the motel. 195 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,637 Fine. 196 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,680 Tomorrow I'm canceling your credit cards. 197 00:10:23,704 --> 00:10:25,061 What? 198 00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:26,723 And I'm taking away your atm as well. 199 00:10:26,747 --> 00:10:29,605 What am I supposed to do for money? 200 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,487 Maybe once you see how good you've got it here, 201 00:10:31,511 --> 00:10:33,319 you'll start treating me with a little respect. 202 00:10:33,343 --> 00:10:36,370 You want my respect? Then tear up the post-nup. 203 00:10:36,394 --> 00:10:38,194 Give me my pillow. 204 00:10:38,218 --> 00:10:40,997 One more thing... 205 00:10:41,021 --> 00:10:44,160 If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you. 206 00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:45,921 If you ever leave me for another man, 207 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,266 I'll kill you. 208 00:10:50,981 --> 00:10:52,919 Boy, with all this passion, 209 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,663 isn't it a shame that we're not having sex? 210 00:11:12,883 --> 00:11:14,861 I feel trapped. 211 00:11:14,885 --> 00:11:16,773 You want me to open a window? 212 00:11:16,797 --> 00:11:18,775 No, I'm talking about my life. 213 00:11:18,799 --> 00:11:20,116 Oh. 214 00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,578 Are we done making out? 215 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:25,782 No, no. Keep going. 216 00:11:25,806 --> 00:11:27,744 So what's up? 217 00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:29,125 I'm unhappy 218 00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:31,587 with Carlos and my marriage. 219 00:11:31,611 --> 00:11:33,249 I feel like I don't have options, 220 00:11:33,273 --> 00:11:34,846 and it's driving me crazy. 221 00:11:34,870 --> 00:11:36,753 Every time something went south in my life, 222 00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:38,174 I always had a plan "b." 223 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,886 Now I feel like I have nothing. 224 00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:42,428 What about me? Can't I be your plan "b"? 225 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,470 Damn it, John, what is our new rule? 226 00:11:44,494 --> 00:11:47,643 Stop pretending we have a future. 227 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,895 Thank you. 228 00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,727 Can't you just walk out? 229 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,899 No, 'cause if I leave, then I'll be broke, 230 00:11:52,923 --> 00:11:53,900 and that's awful. 231 00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:55,697 If I stay, then he's in control, 232 00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:56,863 and that's horrifying. 233 00:11:56,887 --> 00:11:58,654 And he cut up all my credit cards, 234 00:11:58,678 --> 00:12:01,818 which means I'm married to him andunable to shop, 235 00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,789 which is probably the worst of all possible worlds. 236 00:12:04,813 --> 00:12:06,412 I'm sorry. 237 00:12:06,436 --> 00:12:08,436 I'll figure something out. 238 00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:11,958 I'm not much fun today. 239 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,562 I'm going to go. 240 00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,526 Wait. 241 00:12:20,570 --> 00:12:21,677 What's this? 242 00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:23,009 You deserve nice things, 243 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:26,052 and if Mr. Solis won't provide them, I will. 244 00:12:26,076 --> 00:12:29,605 With your student credit card? 245 00:12:29,629 --> 00:12:31,347 I own my own business. 246 00:12:31,371 --> 00:12:32,979 You mow lawns. I make good money. 247 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,858 You know, I have 20 houses, and I'm this close 248 00:12:34,882 --> 00:12:36,612 to getting the driving range at the country club. 249 00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:37,613 I can't. 250 00:12:37,637 --> 00:12:39,337 Yes, you can. 251 00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,203 I'll pay it off. 252 00:12:47,227 --> 00:12:48,624 If you want. 253 00:12:48,648 --> 00:12:50,957 But you don't have to. 254 00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:52,418 Mrs. Solis... 255 00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:54,000 To take care of you... 256 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,632 It's my dream. 257 00:12:56,656 --> 00:13:00,046 Well, far be it from me 258 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:04,180 to stand in the way of a young man's dream. 259 00:13:04,204 --> 00:13:05,341 Okay, Tom, yeah. 260 00:13:05,365 --> 00:13:06,883 I will swing by the dry cleaners 261 00:13:06,907 --> 00:13:08,384 after I hit the market. 262 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:09,846 Mm, I don't know. 263 00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:12,688 Porter has a dentist appointment at 4:00, 264 00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:15,819 so the, um, car might have to wait until tomorrow. 265 00:13:15,843 --> 00:13:18,774 Okay, yeah. I love you, too. Bye-bye. 266 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,986 Hi there. 267 00:13:20,010 --> 00:13:21,487 I brought you some avocados. 268 00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:22,778 I have a tree in back, but I hate them, 269 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,200 and your family seems like the kind 270 00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:25,537 that would eat guaca-male. 271 00:13:25,561 --> 00:13:28,865 Um, Mrs. McCluskey, thank you. That is very nice. 272 00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:31,407 So let's make up a batch. 273 00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:33,789 Oh, um, now's not a good time. 274 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,412 I'm on my way out. I have a ton of errands. 275 00:13:36,436 --> 00:13:38,214 Oh, that's great, because my car's on the Fritz, 276 00:13:38,238 --> 00:13:39,795 and I could hitch a ride. 277 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,417 I need to drop by the pharmacy anyway. 278 00:13:41,441 --> 00:13:43,009 No, I can't. I'm sorry, 279 00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:45,381 but I-I have a lot of things to do. 280 00:13:45,405 --> 00:13:47,633 Maybe you could take me later. I could drop by tomorrow. 281 00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:50,516 Mrs. McCluskey, I'm not going to have any time tomorrow. 282 00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:52,348 Oh. Kind of interesting 283 00:13:52,372 --> 00:13:54,856 that you can't spend two minutes with me, 284 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,934 but you have no trouble taking my Tiffany lamp. 285 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:01,168 Oh, for god's sakes. 286 00:14:02,672 --> 00:14:03,900 Here. 287 00:14:03,924 --> 00:14:05,992 You should take this back. 288 00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:09,035 I-I don't have a place for it. 289 00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:10,947 But that was my thank you for saving my life. 290 00:14:10,971 --> 00:14:13,329 I know, and it was a beautiful gesture. 291 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,711 Really. 292 00:14:15,735 --> 00:14:17,043 But I just... 293 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:20,607 Save it, Lynette. I get the picture. 294 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,099 Aah! 295 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,230 Oh! 296 00:14:34,254 --> 00:14:36,432 Oh, god. 297 00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:38,684 Susie, this is Tim. Ha ha. 298 00:14:38,708 --> 00:14:40,526 Sorry we startled you. Ha ha. 299 00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:43,859 Oh, uh, that's okay. I... 300 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,160 I just didn't expect to see anybody up 301 00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:47,863 at a quarter to 1:00. 302 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,037 Oh, susie, you should have come out tonight. 303 00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:53,990 I met Tim here at the islands bar, 304 00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:55,921 and he introduced me to this crazy drink... 305 00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,584 Ha ha... the dirty volcano. 306 00:14:58,608 --> 00:15:00,376 Whoo. 307 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,258 And then we danced, 308 00:15:02,282 --> 00:15:04,961 and he dipped me. 309 00:15:04,985 --> 00:15:07,423 Sophie's very limber. 310 00:15:07,447 --> 00:15:09,675 Uh, mom, could I just talk to you 311 00:15:09,699 --> 00:15:11,597 in the family room for a minute? 312 00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:12,768 Oh, sure. 313 00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,890 Susan is your daughter? 314 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,432 Ha ha. Yeah. 315 00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:18,224 No, she can't be. 316 00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:19,225 Yes. 317 00:15:19,249 --> 00:15:20,937 No. Yeah. 318 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:21,938 No. Yeah. 319 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,229 No. Yes. 320 00:15:23,253 --> 00:15:25,893 Okay, we get it. She looks young. 321 00:15:28,388 --> 00:15:30,026 Oh. 322 00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:32,238 That man has magic fingers. 323 00:15:32,262 --> 00:15:34,740 What are you doing? I have a teenage daughter in the house. 324 00:15:34,764 --> 00:15:36,377 You can't just bring strange men 325 00:15:36,401 --> 00:15:38,794 you meet in bars here in the middle of the night. 326 00:15:38,818 --> 00:15:40,416 We're just having a few laughs. 327 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,038 What's the big deal? 328 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,339 I know you're trying to get over morty, 329 00:15:43,363 --> 00:15:44,920 but this is not the way to do it, 330 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,101 so can you please just go out there 331 00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:47,383 and tell him to go home? 332 00:15:47,407 --> 00:15:49,885 You know how blue I've been. 333 00:15:49,909 --> 00:15:51,927 Why can't you be supportive? 334 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,099 I have been plenty supportive. 335 00:15:53,123 --> 00:15:55,270 No, you haven't. You really haven't. 336 00:15:55,294 --> 00:15:56,812 Now, Tim is my guest, 337 00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,206 and he will go home when I say so. 338 00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:03,980 If he's not gone in five minutes, 339 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,657 I'm going to go out there and tell him 340 00:16:05,681 --> 00:16:07,755 exactly how old you really are. 341 00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:20,286 Tim, it's time for me to go sleepy-bye. 342 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:22,770 Ha ha. 343 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,609 Delfino. 344 00:16:32,822 --> 00:16:34,090 Yeah. 345 00:16:34,114 --> 00:16:36,334 You must be Sullivan. 346 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:40,306 The file on Noah's daughter. 347 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:44,310 Yeah, he said you had some leads. 348 00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:46,862 Yeah, sure, we got some leads. 349 00:16:46,886 --> 00:16:49,775 Is there a problem? 350 00:16:49,799 --> 00:16:50,986 Gee, I don't know. 351 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,369 I'm handing a confidential police report 352 00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:56,032 over to a killer and drug dealer. 353 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,726 Why should that be a problem? 354 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,039 Thanks. 355 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:06,087 Is this what our justice system has come to... 356 00:17:06,111 --> 00:17:08,084 Guys like you walking the streets 357 00:17:08,108 --> 00:17:11,387 without a care in the world? 358 00:17:11,411 --> 00:17:12,838 I did my time. 359 00:17:12,862 --> 00:17:15,212 Not nearly enough, you piece of garbage. 360 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,188 You know, I'm glad we had the chance to meet, 361 00:17:22,212 --> 00:17:24,100 because apparently, I'm no longer 362 00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:27,022 a murder suspect thanks to you, 363 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,355 so I don't want to seem ungrateful. 364 00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:32,068 But just out of curiosity... 365 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,642 How much does it cost to buy off a homicide detective these days? 366 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,657 Thanks again. 367 00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:44,290 Hey, Delfino... 368 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,904 One more thing. 369 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:07,443 Now, this file is misplaced. 370 00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:10,236 Understand? 371 00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:13,859 If even a whisper of this gets traced back to me, 372 00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,643 there will be one less cop killer on the street. 373 00:18:23,273 --> 00:18:25,751 And for god's sakes... 374 00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:29,315 Don't get any blood on the file. 375 00:18:53,513 --> 00:18:56,322 Ma'am, I'm sorry, 376 00:18:56,346 --> 00:18:58,234 but your credit card has been declined. 377 00:18:58,258 --> 00:19:00,196 What? 378 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,828 Oh, no, that's impossible. It's a new card. 379 00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:04,910 I just went shopping with it. 380 00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,242 Try it again. 381 00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:09,245 Ma'am, I ran it three times, and then I called the bank. 382 00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:11,297 Now, may I try another card? 383 00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:13,709 Of course you may. 384 00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:15,373 Will you just give me a moment? 385 00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:25,721 Hello? It's me. 386 00:19:25,745 --> 00:19:27,973 I've been trying to call you, but you turned your cell off. 387 00:19:27,997 --> 00:19:29,765 Because I'm in a lovely restaurant 388 00:19:29,789 --> 00:19:31,607 having a lovely meal that I now can't pay for. 389 00:19:31,631 --> 00:19:33,189 Well, did you order already? 390 00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,530 I ate already. 391 00:19:34,554 --> 00:19:36,407 Look, the credit card company called my mom. 392 00:19:36,431 --> 00:19:38,113 I mean, they said that there was 393 00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:39,365 unusual activity on my card. 394 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:41,577 I bought shoes. Well, I didn't know that. 395 00:19:41,601 --> 00:19:43,539 And then my mom started asking all these questions, 396 00:19:43,563 --> 00:19:45,250 so I just blurted out that the card was stolen, 397 00:19:45,274 --> 00:19:46,742 and she canceled it. 398 00:19:46,766 --> 00:19:49,084 Why would they call your parents? It's your account. 399 00:19:49,108 --> 00:19:50,836 They co-signed for it. 400 00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:53,959 Look, if you just explain to the waiter... 401 00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:56,347 What, that the credit card was canceled 402 00:19:56,371 --> 00:19:57,673 by my lover's mommy? 403 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,555 Well, what other options do you have? 404 00:19:59,579 --> 00:20:01,637 Unless you return the shoes and get the money back. 405 00:20:01,661 --> 00:20:04,059 Return the shoes? 406 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:08,264 I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical. 407 00:20:08,288 --> 00:20:10,266 So, ma'am, 408 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:12,170 what would you like to do about the bill? 409 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,828 Afternoon. I've got a package for your neighbor 410 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:29,785 Karen McCluskey. You mind signing? 411 00:20:29,809 --> 00:20:31,787 Well, isn't she home? She usually never goes anywhere. 412 00:20:31,811 --> 00:20:33,789 No one answered. 413 00:20:33,813 --> 00:20:35,663 All right. 414 00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:40,095 Okay. 415 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:41,449 Thank you. 416 00:20:52,372 --> 00:20:54,019 So let me get this straight... 417 00:20:54,043 --> 00:20:56,482 You play tennis, you know wine, 418 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,354 and you speak mandarin. 419 00:20:58,378 --> 00:21:01,066 Does every other man in the world want you dead? 420 00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:02,117 Ha ha ha ha. 421 00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:04,119 Well, I'm not that impressive. 422 00:21:04,143 --> 00:21:06,997 I pulled a gray hair out of my chest this morning. 423 00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:09,244 Ha ha. I don't know. I'd watch your back. 424 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,268 Mm. 425 00:21:12,101 --> 00:21:14,710 You know, I've really enjoyed talking to you. 426 00:21:14,734 --> 00:21:17,373 You, uh... 427 00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:19,545 Well, you made my day. 428 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:24,259 I was thinking if you'd like to get together again... 429 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,520 Well, Sam, to... To tell you the truth, 430 00:21:26,544 --> 00:21:29,435 I'm kind of in a relationship right now. 431 00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:31,347 I just wanted to be honest. 432 00:21:31,371 --> 00:21:33,349 That's perfectly okay, Tina. 433 00:21:33,373 --> 00:21:36,482 By the way... 434 00:21:36,506 --> 00:21:38,394 This is on me. 435 00:21:38,418 --> 00:21:39,775 Oh, no, you shouldn't. 436 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:40,986 Oh, please. 437 00:21:41,010 --> 00:21:43,420 It's my pleasure. 438 00:21:49,018 --> 00:21:51,367 This is going to be a disaster. 439 00:21:51,391 --> 00:21:53,409 It'll be fine. 440 00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:54,500 Ah. 441 00:21:54,524 --> 00:21:57,333 Andrew, honey, hurry up. Dinner's ready. 442 00:21:57,357 --> 00:22:00,506 It's like we're setting a trap for him. 443 00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,700 It's for his own good. You'll see. 444 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,051 Smells good. 445 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,513 What are we having? 446 00:22:07,537 --> 00:22:10,556 I'm making homemade bratwurst with sweet-and-sour cabbage. 447 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:14,189 It's a recipe I found in an old German cookbook. 448 00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:17,393 I'll get the door. 449 00:22:17,417 --> 00:22:18,837 Honey, why don't you pour the wine? 450 00:22:21,961 --> 00:22:24,319 Isn't Danielle spending the night at Wendy's? 451 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,031 I believe she is. 452 00:22:26,055 --> 00:22:29,365 Well, then why did mom set the table for four places? 453 00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:30,536 Huh? 454 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,118 Uh, I asked who's coming for dinner. 455 00:22:33,142 --> 00:22:35,290 Andrew... 456 00:22:35,314 --> 00:22:38,163 You remember reverend sikes, don't you? 457 00:22:38,187 --> 00:22:40,125 Oh, come on. 458 00:22:40,149 --> 00:22:41,507 Um, reverend, 459 00:22:41,531 --> 00:22:43,338 why don't you have a seat, 460 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:47,302 and I will get some refreshments? 461 00:22:47,326 --> 00:22:48,554 Ah. 462 00:22:48,578 --> 00:22:51,387 So, Andrew... 463 00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:53,429 It's been a long time. 464 00:22:53,453 --> 00:22:55,561 Yes. 465 00:22:55,585 --> 00:22:57,182 Yes, it has. 466 00:22:57,206 --> 00:22:59,435 Would you like some water? I have flat or bubbly. 467 00:22:59,459 --> 00:23:01,477 Oh, bubbly, please. 468 00:23:01,501 --> 00:23:03,108 So... 469 00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:05,869 Your mother tells me you've started having 470 00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:09,425 some sexual desires for other boys. 471 00:23:13,102 --> 00:23:16,452 I don't suppose I could get some of that. 472 00:23:16,476 --> 00:23:17,453 Nope. 473 00:23:17,477 --> 00:23:20,666 I'm going to need every drop. 474 00:23:20,690 --> 00:23:22,458 And over the years, 475 00:23:22,482 --> 00:23:25,809 we've had so many young people come to our ministry 476 00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:29,425 hating themselves for their unnatural desires, 477 00:23:29,449 --> 00:23:32,057 and within a few months, they've found an inner peace 478 00:23:32,081 --> 00:23:34,640 and a tranquility that is nothing short of miraculous. 479 00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:36,101 Oh. 480 00:23:36,125 --> 00:23:38,564 And all it takes is a little faith 481 00:23:38,588 --> 00:23:40,275 and a desire to change. 482 00:23:40,299 --> 00:23:41,607 I'm sorry, 483 00:23:41,631 --> 00:23:44,319 but I-I really don't want to talk about my sex life. 484 00:23:44,343 --> 00:23:46,026 Well, that's just too bad, 485 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,823 because this needs to be discussed. 486 00:23:47,847 --> 00:23:50,696 Bree, please, let the boy speak. 487 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,157 Go on. 488 00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,490 Well, I appreciate your offer to help. 489 00:23:54,514 --> 00:23:55,661 I do. 490 00:23:55,685 --> 00:23:59,374 But I don't hate myself. 491 00:23:59,398 --> 00:24:01,416 So I'm good. 492 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,630 Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager. 493 00:24:04,654 --> 00:24:06,261 It's a very confusing time. 494 00:24:06,285 --> 00:24:08,253 I'm not confused. 495 00:24:08,277 --> 00:24:12,117 I know exactly who I am. 496 00:24:16,075 --> 00:24:17,893 Well... 497 00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:20,225 If you ever do want to talk, 498 00:24:20,249 --> 00:24:22,789 my door is always open. 499 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:30,526 Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but... 500 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,528 It sounds like you're giving up. 501 00:24:32,552 --> 00:24:36,572 We can't force him on the path of righteousness. 502 00:24:36,596 --> 00:24:39,575 He himself has got to want to make the journey. 503 00:24:39,599 --> 00:24:41,246 Well, then, what do we do, 504 00:24:41,270 --> 00:24:43,579 just stand by while he starts dating boys? 505 00:24:43,603 --> 00:24:45,550 And by the way, the correct word is not "gay." 506 00:24:45,574 --> 00:24:47,462 It's "sodomy." 507 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,585 We're in the middle of dinner. So? 508 00:24:49,609 --> 00:24:51,176 So can you at least wait till dessert 509 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,588 before calling our son a sodomite? 510 00:24:52,612 --> 00:24:55,180 How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me. 511 00:24:55,204 --> 00:24:57,227 For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea 512 00:24:57,251 --> 00:24:58,804 the moment you suggested it. 513 00:24:58,828 --> 00:25:00,646 Well, at least I'm trying to be proactive. 514 00:25:00,670 --> 00:25:02,688 Please, there's no need to get upset. 515 00:25:02,712 --> 00:25:04,479 I am upset because there is a problem here, 516 00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:06,156 and no one seems to notice it but me. 517 00:25:06,180 --> 00:25:08,654 As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy 518 00:25:08,678 --> 00:25:11,628 with who he is, then it is our job to support him. 519 00:25:18,307 --> 00:25:21,747 Your father is into s&m. 520 00:25:21,771 --> 00:25:23,749 Bree. 521 00:25:23,773 --> 00:25:25,590 He makes me beat him with a riding crop, 522 00:25:25,614 --> 00:25:27,212 and I let him. 523 00:25:27,236 --> 00:25:29,556 It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are. 524 00:25:34,203 --> 00:25:36,583 Excuse me. 525 00:25:38,367 --> 00:25:41,637 What a fun night. 526 00:25:41,661 --> 00:25:45,331 You know, we should really do this again sometime. 527 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,327 Hey. 528 00:26:02,351 --> 00:26:04,539 Hey... good news. 529 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,717 I know why you've been so furious at me. 530 00:26:06,741 --> 00:26:08,463 I haven't been furious at you. 531 00:26:08,487 --> 00:26:10,125 Oh, well, yes, you have, 532 00:26:10,149 --> 00:26:11,717 and I don't blame you. 533 00:26:11,741 --> 00:26:14,299 Men have been coming on to me left and right, 534 00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:16,440 and I just... I've been having so much fun 535 00:26:16,464 --> 00:26:18,674 and just enjoying life, and... 536 00:26:18,698 --> 00:26:21,346 What do I do? I throw it right in your face. 537 00:26:21,370 --> 00:26:22,638 I'd hate me, too. 538 00:26:22,662 --> 00:26:24,640 Mom, I don't hate you. 539 00:26:24,664 --> 00:26:26,892 Well, be that as it may, 540 00:26:26,916 --> 00:26:28,523 from here on out, 541 00:26:28,547 --> 00:26:30,185 I'm including you in all the fun. 542 00:26:30,209 --> 00:26:31,987 The fun? Mm-hmm. 543 00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:34,359 Your mother's come through. 544 00:26:34,383 --> 00:26:36,111 What have you done? 545 00:26:36,135 --> 00:26:38,784 You and I are going on a double date tonight. 546 00:26:38,808 --> 00:26:39,745 What? 547 00:26:39,769 --> 00:26:41,246 Tim has a friend from the box factory, 548 00:26:41,270 --> 00:26:42,998 and I thought the four of us could hang out, 549 00:26:43,022 --> 00:26:44,830 have a few drinks, some hors d'oeuvres, and... 550 00:26:44,854 --> 00:26:45,831 Forget it. 551 00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:46,832 Well, susie... 552 00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:48,293 Mom, I'm sorry. 553 00:26:48,317 --> 00:26:50,375 I'm just not in the mood to hang out these days. 554 00:26:50,399 --> 00:26:53,208 Susie, sweetie, please, I can't cancel now. 555 00:26:53,232 --> 00:26:54,760 Of course you can. 556 00:26:54,784 --> 00:26:56,834 Just call them up and tell them not to come over. 557 00:27:02,451 --> 00:27:03,478 Tim. 558 00:27:03,502 --> 00:27:04,770 Hi, suse. 559 00:27:04,794 --> 00:27:07,031 This is... This is my buddy lamont. 560 00:27:07,055 --> 00:27:09,956 I brought peppermint schnapps. 561 00:27:22,311 --> 00:27:24,369 I'm sure she's fine. 562 00:27:24,393 --> 00:27:27,087 She never leaves her mail sitting out there. 563 00:27:27,111 --> 00:27:29,665 I mean, how many times has she thrown ours away 564 00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:31,747 because we didn't pick it up the second it came? 565 00:27:31,771 --> 00:27:33,709 Ha ha. That would be five. 566 00:27:33,733 --> 00:27:34,960 I don't know, Tom. 567 00:27:34,984 --> 00:27:36,847 I think something's happened to her. 568 00:27:36,871 --> 00:27:38,513 Okay, so go over and check on her. 569 00:27:38,537 --> 00:27:41,176 But if I'm wrong, then I'm sucked 570 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,679 into a 2-hour conversation about bunions. 571 00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:45,686 Don't go check on her. Six months from now, 572 00:27:45,710 --> 00:27:47,262 when they find her mummified corpse 573 00:27:47,286 --> 00:27:48,974 at the bottom of the basement stairs, 574 00:27:48,998 --> 00:27:50,355 what do I tell the kids? 575 00:27:50,379 --> 00:27:51,646 "Oh, yeah, I let Mrs. McCluskey die." 576 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,859 Yeah, and why would they care? 577 00:27:53,883 --> 00:27:55,870 Like they're going to miss the dry cleaning coupons 578 00:27:55,894 --> 00:27:57,032 she hands out on Halloween. 579 00:27:57,056 --> 00:27:58,363 Tom. 580 00:27:58,387 --> 00:28:00,615 Listen, honey, what can I say? 581 00:28:00,639 --> 00:28:02,828 You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, 582 00:28:02,852 --> 00:28:06,281 so, uh, good luck with that. 583 00:28:06,305 --> 00:28:09,065 Honey, I'm hating you a little bit right now. 584 00:28:13,522 --> 00:28:16,631 Hi, honey. Look at my new shoes. 585 00:28:16,655 --> 00:28:17,632 Yeah. 586 00:28:17,656 --> 00:28:19,174 Aren't they gorgeous? 587 00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:21,028 Honey, I'm trying to watch the game. 588 00:28:22,742 --> 00:28:24,532 Sorry. 589 00:28:29,328 --> 00:28:31,436 How'd you buy new shoes? 590 00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:34,309 Shh. Talk later. You're watching the game. 591 00:28:34,333 --> 00:28:36,406 No, I want to talk about it now. 592 00:28:36,430 --> 00:28:38,573 You don't have any money, so what's the story? 593 00:28:38,597 --> 00:28:40,235 Oh, you've heard it before. 594 00:28:40,259 --> 00:28:42,868 Girl meets boy, boy buys girl things, 595 00:28:42,892 --> 00:28:44,579 girl leaves happy. 596 00:28:44,603 --> 00:28:45,821 What did you do? 597 00:28:45,845 --> 00:28:48,533 You know, I forgot how generous men could be. 598 00:28:48,557 --> 00:28:51,787 I also forgot I have options... A whole bunch of them. 599 00:28:51,811 --> 00:28:53,749 What the hell are you talking about? 600 00:28:53,773 --> 00:28:54,960 I don't need your credit cards, Carlos, 601 00:28:54,984 --> 00:28:56,297 and I don't need your money, 602 00:28:56,321 --> 00:28:57,883 but if our marriage is going to work, 603 00:28:57,907 --> 00:28:58,964 I need your respect. 604 00:28:58,988 --> 00:29:01,636 I'm not ripping up the post-nup. 605 00:29:01,660 --> 00:29:03,098 Yes, you are. 606 00:29:03,122 --> 00:29:04,760 Because if you don't, 607 00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:07,941 I'm going to put on my new shoes and walk out the door. 608 00:29:07,965 --> 00:29:10,225 You're threatening me. 609 00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:12,437 No, I'm just pointing something out. 610 00:29:12,461 --> 00:29:14,189 I'm a pretty girl, 611 00:29:14,213 --> 00:29:16,763 and pretty girls are never lonely. 612 00:29:32,151 --> 00:29:34,521 Sophie: Stop... I'm really ticklish. 613 00:29:36,485 --> 00:29:39,174 So, uh, children's books, right? 614 00:29:39,198 --> 00:29:40,926 Sophie: Don't! That tickles! 615 00:29:40,950 --> 00:29:42,928 Well, I hope you know how lucky you are. 616 00:29:42,952 --> 00:29:45,260 Not everyone gets to realize their bliss. 617 00:29:45,284 --> 00:29:48,303 Yeah, it can be rewarding. 618 00:29:48,327 --> 00:29:50,747 Why don't you join me? 619 00:29:53,833 --> 00:29:56,892 No. 620 00:29:56,916 --> 00:29:58,944 I'm really ticklish. Ha ha ha! 621 00:29:58,968 --> 00:30:00,155 Come on! 622 00:30:00,179 --> 00:30:01,776 What's wrong? 623 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,568 For god's sake, Tim, she's ticklish! 624 00:30:03,592 --> 00:30:05,320 How many times do you have to be told? 625 00:30:05,344 --> 00:30:08,163 Oh, plfft. This is so much fun. 626 00:30:08,187 --> 00:30:10,115 Come on, let's find another cd. 627 00:30:10,139 --> 00:30:13,118 Mother, don't you think it's getting a little late? 628 00:30:13,142 --> 00:30:14,369 Come on. 629 00:30:14,393 --> 00:30:16,863 You haven't even finished your schnapps. 630 00:30:25,034 --> 00:30:27,883 The perfect capper to the perfect evening. 631 00:30:27,907 --> 00:30:29,684 So good night. 632 00:30:29,708 --> 00:30:30,846 It's been lovely, 633 00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:33,638 and, lamont, good luck with all your inventions. 634 00:30:33,662 --> 00:30:36,141 Well, it's only 11:30. 635 00:30:36,165 --> 00:30:38,023 I want to hit the clubs. 636 00:30:38,047 --> 00:30:40,525 Well, I know a great place just off the interstate. 637 00:30:40,549 --> 00:30:42,858 Come on. Let's warm up the old war wagon. 638 00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:44,239 Mom, hold it! 639 00:30:44,263 --> 00:30:46,950 You are not getting into the car alone with those two. 640 00:30:46,974 --> 00:30:49,154 You barely know them. 641 00:30:49,178 --> 00:30:51,576 I have great instincts about people. 642 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,658 I always have, susie. You know that. 643 00:30:53,682 --> 00:30:55,580 You've been married four times. 644 00:30:55,604 --> 00:30:58,194 Yes, but twice to the same guy. 645 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:01,917 Mother. 646 00:31:01,941 --> 00:31:03,838 Susie, please, you are embarrassing me. 647 00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,051 Oh, I'm embarrassing you? 648 00:31:06,075 --> 00:31:08,303 Yes, and I've had it. 649 00:31:08,327 --> 00:31:09,634 All night long, 650 00:31:09,658 --> 00:31:11,927 I've been trying to get you to stop being so crabby, 651 00:31:11,951 --> 00:31:14,559 and you refuse to let me help. 652 00:31:14,583 --> 00:31:16,400 And... and your idea of helping 653 00:31:16,424 --> 00:31:18,894 is letting Tim just grope you? 654 00:31:18,918 --> 00:31:21,316 Hey! You shouldn't talk to your mother like that. 655 00:31:21,340 --> 00:31:22,687 She's a fine lady. 656 00:31:22,711 --> 00:31:24,980 Tim, could you just stay out of it? 657 00:31:25,004 --> 00:31:26,577 Yeah, mind your own business. 658 00:31:26,601 --> 00:31:27,862 Hey, what's your problem, pal? 659 00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:29,484 Dude, you were feeling up her mother. 660 00:31:29,508 --> 00:31:32,077 It pissed me off, too. Come on, susie. 661 00:31:32,101 --> 00:31:33,868 Let's go back inside. 662 00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:36,626 "Let's go back inside"? Lamont, give it up. 663 00:31:36,650 --> 00:31:37,913 You're not getting any. 664 00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:40,996 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 665 00:31:41,020 --> 00:31:43,048 Why are you being this way? 666 00:31:43,072 --> 00:31:45,170 Just... I'm just trying to lighten things up. 667 00:31:45,194 --> 00:31:47,968 Stop acting like tonight was about helping me. 668 00:31:47,992 --> 00:31:50,005 You wanted to go out and have fun, 669 00:31:50,029 --> 00:31:51,927 and lamont over there needed a date. 670 00:31:51,951 --> 00:31:53,531 That's not true. Oh, yes, it is. 671 00:31:55,995 --> 00:31:58,013 Okay, fine, it's true. 672 00:31:58,037 --> 00:32:00,185 I wanted to get out and have fun. 673 00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:01,856 Why shouldn't I? 674 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:03,858 You know how depressed I've been over my breakup with morty. 675 00:32:03,882 --> 00:32:05,400 Yeah, I do, 676 00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:07,402 and that's what makes me so crazy. 677 00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:09,194 You know, the difference between you and I... 678 00:32:09,218 --> 00:32:12,027 That you could be heartbroken and you can just move on, 679 00:32:12,051 --> 00:32:14,239 and I... 680 00:32:14,263 --> 00:32:17,863 Am just broken. 681 00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:23,378 I know you're sad. 682 00:32:23,402 --> 00:32:26,461 No, mom, I'm not sad. 683 00:32:26,485 --> 00:32:29,134 And I'm not crabby. 684 00:32:29,158 --> 00:32:30,595 I'm devastated, 685 00:32:30,619 --> 00:32:31,967 and you keep acting 686 00:32:31,991 --> 00:32:34,049 like all I need is a couple of aspirin. 687 00:32:34,073 --> 00:32:38,393 Morty was just one guy in a series of guys for you. 688 00:32:38,417 --> 00:32:41,766 And Mike... 689 00:32:41,790 --> 00:32:44,859 He was the one. 690 00:32:44,883 --> 00:32:46,353 Why don't you get that? 691 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:02,497 It's Lynette. 692 00:33:02,521 --> 00:33:05,920 Hello? 693 00:33:05,944 --> 00:33:08,704 Mrs. McCluskey? 694 00:33:10,819 --> 00:33:12,927 Mrs. McCluskey. You all right? 695 00:33:12,951 --> 00:33:14,589 How did you get in here? 696 00:33:14,613 --> 00:33:19,014 Uh, Mr. Mullins had a spare. 697 00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:20,855 Why didn't you open the door? 698 00:33:20,879 --> 00:33:23,018 Because I was hoping that you'd go away. 699 00:33:23,042 --> 00:33:27,232 Have you been taking your arthritis medication? 700 00:33:27,256 --> 00:33:28,983 I don't need to. 701 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:31,066 Sometimes the pain goes away by itself. 702 00:33:31,090 --> 00:33:33,238 Uh-huh. Is that why you didn't open the door, 703 00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:35,222 because of your hands? 704 00:33:37,096 --> 00:33:39,914 Mrs. McCluskey, do you have anyone 705 00:33:39,938 --> 00:33:42,117 that could help you out... 706 00:33:42,141 --> 00:33:45,040 A relative, a friend? 707 00:33:45,064 --> 00:33:47,122 I'm fine. 708 00:33:47,146 --> 00:33:49,776 Okay. 709 00:33:53,072 --> 00:33:54,469 Okay. 710 00:33:54,493 --> 00:33:56,131 Uh... 711 00:33:56,155 --> 00:33:57,892 Before you go... 712 00:33:57,916 --> 00:34:01,076 Open these, would you? And... and put out the pills. 713 00:34:03,462 --> 00:34:05,190 Yeah. 714 00:34:05,214 --> 00:34:07,197 And don't get your hands all over them. 715 00:34:07,221 --> 00:34:08,853 God knows what your kids have picked up. 716 00:34:08,877 --> 00:34:11,146 Last thing I need's a case of pinkeye. 717 00:34:11,170 --> 00:34:14,949 You're a piece of work. You know that? 718 00:34:14,973 --> 00:34:16,361 Well, this is crazy. 719 00:34:16,385 --> 00:34:19,033 Why'd they give you childproof caps? 720 00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:21,156 First thing tomorrow, I'm taking you to the pharmacy, 721 00:34:21,180 --> 00:34:22,747 and we'll get you new bottles. 722 00:34:22,771 --> 00:34:25,250 Don't do me any favors. You don't even like me. 723 00:34:25,274 --> 00:34:27,341 I don't want you doing anything because you feel obligated. 724 00:34:27,365 --> 00:34:31,005 Let me tell you something. Half of life is obligations. 725 00:34:31,029 --> 00:34:32,627 You don't want to go to your husband's 726 00:34:32,651 --> 00:34:34,339 company Christmas party, but you do. 727 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:36,010 You don't want to sell candy 728 00:34:36,034 --> 00:34:37,941 so your kid's band can buy piccolos, but you do it. 729 00:34:37,965 --> 00:34:40,265 You attend your third cousin's wedding. 730 00:34:40,289 --> 00:34:42,056 You pick up the dry cleaning. 731 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,728 That's life... it's obligations. 732 00:34:43,752 --> 00:34:46,020 And you are now my obligation, 733 00:34:46,044 --> 00:34:47,817 so tomorrow morning, I'll pick you up, 734 00:34:47,841 --> 00:34:49,524 and we'll go to the pharmacy. 735 00:34:49,548 --> 00:34:51,276 Gee, I'm touched 736 00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:52,987 by your outpouring of compassion. 737 00:34:53,011 --> 00:34:55,400 We don't have to be friends. 738 00:34:55,424 --> 00:34:57,121 But we're two human beings 739 00:34:57,145 --> 00:34:59,534 living on the same piece of earth. 740 00:34:59,558 --> 00:35:00,995 We can at least try 741 00:35:01,019 --> 00:35:02,719 and help each other out once in a while. 742 00:35:07,726 --> 00:35:09,726 And you know what? 743 00:35:12,731 --> 00:35:14,509 I am going to take this. 744 00:35:14,533 --> 00:35:17,132 Fine. 745 00:35:17,156 --> 00:35:19,264 I'll see you tomorrow morning. 746 00:35:19,288 --> 00:35:20,675 Pick me up at 9:00. 747 00:35:20,699 --> 00:35:23,199 And don't be late. 748 00:35:30,339 --> 00:35:33,339 Andrew, come here. I want you to see this. 749 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,993 Um, what are you looking at? 750 00:35:39,017 --> 00:35:42,197 I'm looking at your baby pictures. 751 00:35:42,221 --> 00:35:44,038 Look at that one. 752 00:35:44,062 --> 00:35:47,622 How old was I there? 753 00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:49,646 Just 4 weeks old. 754 00:35:57,576 --> 00:36:01,055 I never told you this, but when I gave birth to you, 755 00:36:01,079 --> 00:36:03,178 there were complications. 756 00:36:03,202 --> 00:36:06,601 The umbilical cord wrapped around your neck, 757 00:36:06,625 --> 00:36:08,353 and you stopped breathing. 758 00:36:08,377 --> 00:36:11,766 The room got very quiet, 759 00:36:11,790 --> 00:36:14,319 and I knew you were in trouble. 760 00:36:14,343 --> 00:36:16,826 So I turned to the doctor, and I very calmly said 761 00:36:16,850 --> 00:36:18,863 that he was not to worry about me, 762 00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:21,656 that his job was to save your life. 763 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,369 When I say I would die for you, 764 00:36:24,393 --> 00:36:28,993 that's not an expression. 765 00:36:29,017 --> 00:36:30,625 I mean it. 766 00:36:30,649 --> 00:36:33,668 Yeah, well, uh... 767 00:36:33,692 --> 00:36:37,131 I'm going to go eat my sandwich. 768 00:36:37,155 --> 00:36:38,633 Andrew, please, 769 00:36:38,657 --> 00:36:40,755 just go and talk to reverend sikes. 770 00:36:40,779 --> 00:36:42,176 Oh, for god's sakes... 771 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,299 He can counsel you. It can help. 772 00:36:44,323 --> 00:36:46,690 Mom, I don't need any help, all right? 773 00:36:46,714 --> 00:36:48,393 I'm fine. 774 00:36:48,417 --> 00:36:50,805 Why do you keep going on about this? 775 00:36:50,829 --> 00:36:52,767 Because if you don't change who you are, 776 00:36:52,791 --> 00:36:54,591 then you won't go to heaven. 777 00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:03,448 You, um... 778 00:37:03,472 --> 00:37:06,491 You... you don't think i-I'll go to heaven? 779 00:37:06,515 --> 00:37:09,203 No, I don't. 780 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,326 And I need you there. 781 00:37:11,350 --> 00:37:14,480 I would be so lonely without you. 782 00:37:19,278 --> 00:37:21,045 Well... 783 00:37:21,069 --> 00:37:24,469 Then I guess I better go talk to reverend sikes. 784 00:37:24,493 --> 00:37:27,011 Oh, Andrew. 785 00:37:27,035 --> 00:37:28,393 Thank you so much. 786 00:37:28,417 --> 00:37:31,037 You don't know how much that means to me. 787 00:37:36,375 --> 00:37:38,273 Oh, my... my gosh. 788 00:37:38,297 --> 00:37:40,024 Uh, are you okay? 789 00:37:40,048 --> 00:37:42,156 Oh, yeah, I just, uh, fell down the stairs. 790 00:37:42,180 --> 00:37:44,158 I'm fine. What's up? 791 00:37:44,182 --> 00:37:46,951 Susan still loves you. 792 00:37:46,975 --> 00:37:50,535 Wow, um... 793 00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:52,627 Okay. 794 00:37:52,651 --> 00:37:55,370 Look, this is not a good time for this conversation. 795 00:37:55,394 --> 00:37:58,132 She just misses you so much. 796 00:37:58,156 --> 00:37:59,674 Sophie, I just found out 797 00:37:59,698 --> 00:38:01,716 that someone I was very close to is dead. 798 00:38:01,740 --> 00:38:03,638 I've really got to figure out what I'm going to do, 799 00:38:03,662 --> 00:38:07,476 so I just don't have time to think about Susan right now. 800 00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:10,345 She's just very, very unhappy, and if you could just... 801 00:38:10,369 --> 00:38:12,387 I really don't. 802 00:38:12,411 --> 00:38:15,541 I'm sorry. 803 00:38:52,871 --> 00:38:56,391 I swear before almighty god I won't reveal a word 804 00:38:56,415 --> 00:38:58,773 that's said here today. 805 00:38:58,797 --> 00:39:00,274 Now... 806 00:39:00,298 --> 00:39:04,028 What's on your mind? 807 00:39:04,052 --> 00:39:05,780 Well, here's the thing... 808 00:39:05,804 --> 00:39:07,902 I lied to my parents. 809 00:39:07,926 --> 00:39:09,494 I'm not gay. 810 00:39:09,518 --> 00:39:11,366 You're not. 811 00:39:11,390 --> 00:39:12,730 Not really. 812 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,710 Look, all I know is 813 00:39:15,734 --> 00:39:17,381 I wanted to get the hell out of that camp, 814 00:39:17,405 --> 00:39:19,504 so I lied to my parents, 815 00:39:19,528 --> 00:39:21,956 and I told them that I was really worried 816 00:39:21,980 --> 00:39:24,168 that I was having feelings for other guys, 817 00:39:24,192 --> 00:39:25,339 and... 818 00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:27,390 They did exactly what I wanted them to. 819 00:39:27,414 --> 00:39:29,804 They are such tools. 820 00:39:29,828 --> 00:39:32,136 I'm sorry, just so I'm clear... 821 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,599 Are you a heterosexual or aren't you? 822 00:39:34,623 --> 00:39:36,521 Look... 823 00:39:36,545 --> 00:39:40,525 I love vanilla ice cream, okay? 824 00:39:40,549 --> 00:39:42,236 But every now and then, 825 00:39:42,260 --> 00:39:44,439 I'm probably going to be in the mood for chocolate. 826 00:39:44,463 --> 00:39:46,343 You know what I'm saying? 827 00:39:48,597 --> 00:39:53,868 I do, but god would prefer you stick to the vanilla. 828 00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:56,661 I don't believe in god. 829 00:39:56,685 --> 00:39:57,832 You don't. 830 00:39:57,856 --> 00:39:58,833 No. 831 00:39:58,857 --> 00:40:01,085 Sorry. 832 00:40:02,571 --> 00:40:04,839 You know, your mother's going to be devastated. 833 00:40:04,863 --> 00:40:07,010 She's been praying so hard for you to change. 834 00:40:07,034 --> 00:40:09,303 Well, that's the good news. 835 00:40:09,327 --> 00:40:12,096 I am going to change... Big time. 836 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,740 I-I'm not sure I follow. 837 00:40:17,456 --> 00:40:21,516 You know what my mom said to me last night? 838 00:40:21,540 --> 00:40:24,729 She said she doesn't think I'm going to heaven. 839 00:40:24,753 --> 00:40:26,521 Can you believe that? 840 00:40:26,545 --> 00:40:30,615 I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings, 841 00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:33,157 but the only way you can know paradise 842 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:35,891 is by repenting your sins. 843 00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:41,375 When she said that to me, 844 00:40:41,399 --> 00:40:44,338 suddenly it hit me how I was going to get back at her. 845 00:40:44,362 --> 00:40:46,881 From now on, 846 00:40:46,905 --> 00:40:48,593 I'm going to be so good. 847 00:40:48,617 --> 00:40:50,465 I'm going to eat my vegetables, 848 00:40:50,489 --> 00:40:52,386 i-I'm going to get good grades, 849 00:40:52,410 --> 00:40:54,549 I'm going to say "yes, ma'am" and "no, ma'am." 850 00:40:54,573 --> 00:40:57,311 I'm going to make her believe 851 00:40:57,335 --> 00:41:00,975 that god has delivered her this little miracle. 852 00:41:00,999 --> 00:41:03,558 Until one day, 853 00:41:03,582 --> 00:41:06,561 when she least expects it, 854 00:41:06,585 --> 00:41:09,614 I'm going to do something so awful 855 00:41:09,638 --> 00:41:12,446 it is going to rock her world. 856 00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:16,280 I mean, it is really going to destroy her. 857 00:41:16,304 --> 00:41:20,995 And when that day comes... 858 00:41:21,019 --> 00:41:22,787 Trust me. 859 00:41:22,811 --> 00:41:25,651 I'll know paradise. 860 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:40,895 Mary Alice: Yes, life is a journey, 861 00:41:40,919 --> 00:41:46,601 one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side. 862 00:41:46,625 --> 00:41:50,565 Of course, that companion can be just about anyone. 863 00:41:50,589 --> 00:41:53,487 Mrs. McCluskey! 864 00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,489 We're going to be late for the doctor. 865 00:41:55,513 --> 00:41:58,000 A neighbor on the other side of the street... 866 00:41:58,024 --> 00:42:00,686 I'm coming. Jeez, hold your water. 867 00:42:02,901 --> 00:42:05,710 There you go. 868 00:42:05,734 --> 00:42:07,121 No more post-nup. 869 00:42:07,145 --> 00:42:10,145 Or the man on the other side of the bed. 870 00:42:14,703 --> 00:42:19,433 The companion can be a mother with good intentions... 871 00:42:19,457 --> 00:42:21,766 Thank you for a wonderful service, reverend. 872 00:42:21,790 --> 00:42:23,688 Thank you so much, Bree. 873 00:42:23,712 --> 00:42:26,601 Or a child who's up to no good. 874 00:42:26,625 --> 00:42:29,585 Very inspirational. 875 00:42:32,591 --> 00:42:37,201 Still, despite our best intentions, 876 00:42:37,225 --> 00:42:42,657 some of us will lose our companions along the way. 877 00:42:42,681 --> 00:42:47,361 And then the journey becomes unbearable. 878 00:42:49,608 --> 00:42:51,255 You see, 879 00:42:51,279 --> 00:42:56,631 human beings are designed for many things, 880 00:42:56,655 --> 00:42:58,655 but loneliness isn't one of them.