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00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,094
[Mary Alice] Previously
on Desperate Housewives:
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00:00:03,603 --> 00:00:06,037
Mike's plan to propose to Susan...
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- These don't belong to Jane.
- Mike Delfino.
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... was a surprise to Ian.
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00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:12,977
Monique was murdered.
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- There's been an accident.
- And Orson...
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00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,344
- Don't forget your wrench.
- ... passed the blame.
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A connection was made.
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[clears throat]
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A heart was broken.
And Bree buried her husband Rex.
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[Rex] My name is Rex Van de Kamp.
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00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,507
I always hated cemeteries
when I was alive.
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Now that I'm dead, I like 'em even less.
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Here's where I used to live.
A whole lot nicer, don't you think?
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The place hasn't
changed much since I left.
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As tasteful and tidy as ever.
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Everything perfect...
at least, on the surface.
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My family was the same way.
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Look at us.
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You'd never guess how ticked off
we all were the day this was taken.
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But that was the thing
about us Van de Kamps.
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To really fit in, you had to have
a smile that gave away nothing.
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Like my son Andrew.
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To look at him you'd never know
he spent six months on the streets,
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supporting himself
with panhandling and light prostitution.
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Or my daughter Danielle.
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Does she look like the kind of girl
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who'd seduce her
middle-aged history teacher?
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I mean, they're my kids and I love 'em,
but I'm pretty darn relieved to be dead.
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Here's the clown Bree
replaced me with: Orson.
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I don't mind saying, he's creeped
me out right from the get go.
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To me, he always has
the shifty look of a guy
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00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,374
who knows where the bodies are buried.
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And he should know... he buried them.
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But Bree thinks he's Sir Galahad.
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The kids like him...
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And all my friends... now his friends.
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So it pleases me to know
at least one of my old neighbors
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sees right through the guy.
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Mike, you, uh...
You just missed Bree.
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She's off to see her folks,
then we're finally taking our honeymoon.
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Yeah, not a bad time
for you to leave town, is it?
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Well, I don't follow you.
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00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:37,715
I just keep thinking about that night
at Monique's place.
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How you made sure I left with my wrench,
the one with her blood on it.
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Well, it was your wrench.
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Why are you rehashing this?
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My ex-wife confessed
in her suicide note, the case is closed.
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Maybe it shouldn't be.
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What do you think the police would say
if they knew you were there that night?
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What do you think they'd say
if they knew you threw me off a roof?
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Oh, Mike.
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We could make
so much trouble for each other.
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Or we can forget what we think we know
and be good neighbors.
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Your call.
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[Rex] No, Orson Hodge isn't exactly the
guy I'd have picked to head my family.
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But I'll give him one thing...
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... he's got the smile down cold.
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[Rex] Take a drive down
any street in suburbia.
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Know what you're gonna see?
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Desperate women.
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That's right.
One unhappy housewife after another.
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Each completely miserable...
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... in her own unique way.
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But I don't want to talk about them.
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No, I want to talk about their men.
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00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,780
And what happens to a guy
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00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,612
when that special lady
in his life starts to lose it.
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[door slams]
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00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,113
Like my friend Carlos.
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00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,649
He used to have it all.
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Hot wife, tons of dough. Then bam!
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She gets a divorce
and he gets stuck with the bill.
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00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,131
But does he sit around and complain
like your average hausfrau?
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No, sir.
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He finds creative ways to get
what you can out of life.
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- Hey, where you off to?
- The hospital called.
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Found the stuff I had on me
the night of the accident.
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Wow. Coma, murder rap.
You've had a tough year, buddy.
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You know what you need?
Some pampering.
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Tomorrow you're
checking into a nice hotel.
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Room service, Jacuzzi... my treat.
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- You trying to get me out of the house?
- Mike, why would I?
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- OK, there's this girl.
- I knew it.
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Dude, she's a dancer.
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If her online profile is any indication,
she's a freak.
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00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:42,767
- We're talking serious daddy issues.
- I'll stay in my room.
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- You'll never hear me.
- Yeah, but you'll hear me.
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I'm kind of exuberant by nature.
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When I haven't had it in a while,
I do this shrieking thing...
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OK, all right, I'll go.
Just stop talking.
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00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,782
Thanks! Wouldn't want it to put
a weird spin on our friendship.
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Too late.
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[Rex] This is my friend Tom.
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00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,757
Have you heard
what he's been up to lately?
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The silly bastard opened up
his own pizza place.
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He thought that if he was his own boss,
he could sleep in as late as he wanted.
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But the problem with that logic
is that married guys...
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Hey, it's after nine.
Come on, Tomasino, it's time to get up.
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... are never their own boss.
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- Are you as tired as I am?
- More.
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But I'm tougher,
and I complain less.
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Not when you give birth.
And you do that a lot.
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- Oh, yeah?
- Ow.
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Before I forget, you got a call
from Chez Nous
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confirming your reservation
for our anniversary.
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[scoffs] You heard?
I wanted that to be a surprise.
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We've been going
for the last seven years.
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It's not exactly a surprise.
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Anyway, I hope you don't mind,
but I canceled.
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You canceled? Why?
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Honestly, I just don't feel
up to going out this year.
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But it's our anniversary.
It's our ninth anniversary.
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Come on, the big nine.
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That's a year longer than my mom
said we would be married.
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Come on, we gotta party down.
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[sighs] I'm exhausted. Honestly.
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All I want to do is pawn the kids off
on somebody else, take a long bath,
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- and be in bed by eight.
- OK.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Hold it. What about my sex?
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I always get sex on our anniversary.
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We can still have sex.
Just try not to wake me.
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[Rex] This is Ian.
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Don't really know the guy,
but Susan Mayer seems to like him.
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The other night he surprised her
with a proposal.
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She said yes,
but he's still a little skittish...
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... about the competition.
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But Ian knows that if love is war...
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Hey. Where were you
off to so early this morning?
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[Rex]... sometimes you gotta
bring out the big artillery.
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I should've had it when I proposed.
It's not very good form, I know.
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[laughs] Ian, oh, you can't be serious!
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Oh, that's just too much! It's huge!
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- Well, we could go smaller.
- No one's saying smaller!
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No, that's crazy talk. [laughs]
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Rock me.
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Oh! Oh, my God!
Oh, it's so beautiful!
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Oh, oh! OK, OK, nobody move!
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I got it!
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I knew I should have
measured your finger.
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- It's OK. I can get it resized.
- Go to the jeweler's now.
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When you get back, we can go and
look at some places for the reception.
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- Reception?
- Hoping we'd pull this next month.
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- What's the rush? Am I pregnant?
- Of course not.
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00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:06,837
I just... I just can't wait
to be married to you.
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Are you sure?
Because you seem a little anxious.
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00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:13,647
[scoffs] What would I have
to be anxious about?
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00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,744
[phone rings]
150
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Sorry for the mix-up.
If you could sign right here.
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I don't remember this.
Are you sure that's mine?
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It was on you the night
you were admitted.
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I got hit by a car. I don't remember
anything about that night.
154
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:32,795
Well, it looks like you were
going to propose to someone.
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"Susan, be mine forever. Mike."
156
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Does that ring a bell?
157
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It sure does.
158
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:53,787
Hey, Carlos!
159
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:56,717
Hi.
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00:09:56,796 --> 00:10:00,527
I have a little visitor that I thought
you might get a kick out of seeing.
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00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,227
Remember my little boy?
162
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:06,029
Hey! Travers!
How're you doing? Put her there!
163
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,734
I'm Carlos Solis. You came by
my house one time trick-or-treating.
164
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:12,471
I remember.
You gave me a protein bar.
165
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,604
Right.
166
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,513
Sorry. My wife forgot to buy candy.
167
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,784
Hey! Is that football I hear?
Go on, check it out.
168
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,455
I didn't know your son
was coming for a visit.
169
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:27,253
Neither did I.
170
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:36,024
His, uh, father just dumped him here
for four weeks so he could jet off
171
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:40,436
with his Doctors Without Borders buddies
and fix cleft palates in Kenya.
172
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:42,497
Selfish son of a bitch.
173
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:45,772
Come on, you barely ever see him.
It'll be fun. A chance to bond.
174
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:50,942
Yeah, that's true. But, um,
I have this major party tonight,
175
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:55,420
and I was wondering if, maybe, you could
just keep an eye on him for a few hours.
176
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,423
- Sorry, I can't tonight.
- Oh, come on! You love kids!
177
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,257
Didn't you rent that Chinese chick
so that you could have one of your own?
178
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,856
I have a date too. A chick so hot
I had to turn off the smoke alarms.
179
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:10,959
Fine. Travers, come on, let's go.
180
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:16,565
This isn't a child-friendly house.
181
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,537
Bye, Travers.
182
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:25,213
[laughter]
183
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,013
Good to see you.
184
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,025
- Wow. She's a looker.
- I'll say.
185
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:40,422
- Hey, what time's that fund-raiser?
- You got an hour.
186
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,996
Well, then, let's have a little fun.
187
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,813
[gasps] Look what you did!
188
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,909
Don't yell at me.
I'm just the passenger.
189
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:02,476
Well, your driver's an idiot.
190
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,889
Hey, it's not Clyde's fault. What man
wouldn't be distracted by such beauty?
191
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:09,124
Now you're hitting on me?
192
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,696
I was talking about the car.
193
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:16,326
Well, good, I'm glad you like it,
because you're gonna pay to fix this.
194
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,666
Of course.
Will five thousand cover it?
195
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:21,030
Five?
196
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,667
Well, sure, I guess.
197
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,608
Rather not file an insurance claim.
198
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,238
My opponent could find out
and try to make me look bad.
199
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,372
Opponent?
200
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:32,281
I guess you don't read the papers.
I'm running for mayor.
201
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,548
My name's Victor Lang.
And I hope I can count on your vote.
202
00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:39,018
I think I'd rather vote
for the other guy.
203
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,218
You know, the one
who didn't wreck my car.
204
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,364
You're off your game.
Didn't even get a phone number.
205
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,666
Oh, don't worry,
I'll be seeing her again.
206
00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:56,538
- How can you be so sure?
- I didn't sign the check.
207
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,888
- What the hell are you doing?
- We need to talk.
208
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,516
- No! Get out!
- Please. You won't return my calls!
209
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:16,789
I've been busy. Plus, my mom
caught you naked on top of my friend.
210
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,562
Just read this.
211
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,262
If you still don't want to talk to me,
then I'll never bother you again.
212
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,973
Fine, I'll read it. But only
if you get out of the car now.
213
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,407
- Now? But the hot wax is starting.
- I know.
214
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,968
- Tick-tock.
- Uh...
215
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:38,747
Ah!
216
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,752
You're still in there?
217
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,090
How long does it take
to pluck that unibrow?
218
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,722
- [Danielle] Leave me alone!
- I have to be at work in ten minutes.
219
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,289
Now, can I please just come in
and brush my teeth?
220
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:58,996
I'm having a really bad day,
all right? Just go away!
221
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,039
I'm gonna have a really bad day, too!
222
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,472
I tend not to get tipped
when my breath stinks!
223
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,875
I'm pregnant.
224
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,983
Mike. What are you doing here?
225
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:26,157
Oh, hey, um... I'm just
selling some old jewelry.
226
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,827
Spoke to my manager. There's gonna be
a charge to remove the inscription,
227
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:32,996
but we can refund you
for the engagement ring.
228
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,063
That'll be fine.
229
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:39,209
Was that the ring you bought for...?
230
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:40,336
Yeah.
231
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:43,676
[woman] Can I help you?
232
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:47,685
Uh, yeah, I have to get this sized.
It's a little loose.
233
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,948
- Do you know your size?
- No.
234
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,756
Congratulations, by the way.
235
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:57,626
- Ian seems great.
- Thanks.
236
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:03,529
I can't find my sizer.
Um, here, try this one.
237
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:04,591
Oh, no! That...
238
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,299
How's that fit?
239
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,372
- It's perfect.
- Great.
240
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:27,983
- Can I have it back now?
- Oh. Sorry.
241
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,041
Hey, you've got a cousin
in the limo business, don't you?
242
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:47,636
I have a cousin in the "limo as
a front for prostitution" business.
243
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,779
He's in jail. Why do you ask?
244
00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:52,817
Oh, I'm just planning a big thing
for my anniversary.
245
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,376
Aren't you gonna go to
Chez Boring like every year?
246
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:59,720
No. Lynette's so over that,
she was ready to bag the whole night.
247
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,623
So it got me thinking.
248
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,320
For nine years,
it's time to shake things up.
249
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,662
Now I'm planning the greatest
anniversary of all time.
250
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:12,430
Check this out.
251
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:17,099
Lynette's gonna open the door to find
a driver with a dozen roses and a card.
252
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:22,443
The card is gonna tell her to go
with the guy and not ask any questions.
253
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:27,884
He'll drive her out to the country,
drop her off, then drive away.
254
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:33,090
Just as she is starting to freak out,
I show up in a horse-drawn carriage,
255
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:38,060
which takes us up to Whitman's Bluff
where we eat a catered dinner
256
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,291
and listen to a professional violinist.
257
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,892
Afterwards, when we come home,
258
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:47,029
I'm sure Lynette
will think of a way to thank me.
259
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:52,972
- You are one romantic son of a bitch.
- Hoo-hoo! I have my moments.
260
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,009
Of course I'm not questioning
Mayor Johnson's family values.
261
00:16:57,082 --> 00:17:00,313
They're what prompted him
to put his sister's brother-in-law
262
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,820
and six of his cousins
on the city payroll.
263
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:09,522
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to cut this interview short.
264
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,155
I have some very important
business to attend to.
265
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:16,133
Ms. Solis, what a nice surprise.
266
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,193
Are you here to make
a contribution to my campaign?
267
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,863
Not exactly.
268
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,336
Oh, no. Did I forget to sign?
269
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,902
I'm so sorry. Let me make it up to you.
270
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,505
I'll take you to dinner. My treat.
271
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:34,074
It would be your treat.
I'm a hot date. What's in it for me?
272
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:39,181
Well, I have an ingratiating wit
and a trustworthy smile,
273
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:43,251
- according to the Plainview Herald.
- Yeah. Check, please.
274
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,425
My family also owns Lang Enterprises.
275
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,762
Dad's worth a few hundred mill.
276
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:58,743
Well, a girl's gotta eat.
277
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:05,609
Great, I'll take us to Cucina.
There's no place harder to get into.
278
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,346
That's what you think.
279
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,449
Mike, this is completely unnecessary.
280
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:17,256
My paying for your lawyer
was a favor, it wasn't a loan.
281
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,627
I appreciate it.
I don't like to owe anybody.
282
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:23,134
I just don't want you to have
any trouble getting back on your feet.
283
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,432
No, it's fine. I had a windfall.
284
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:29,406
Hospital gave me back an
engagement ring I didn't know I had.
285
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,965
Oh, really? So you sold it?
286
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,910
You should've kept it
till the right girl comes along.
287
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,808
Well, I couldn't give this ring
to just anyone.
288
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,351
Oh, right. The... The inscription.
289
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,082
How'd you know it was inscribed?
290
00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:50,253
Well, isn't that the custom?
I just assumed it was.
291
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,062
Well, listen, uh,
I have got to get some fresh rags.
292
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,296
Thanks for the check.
I'll see you around.
293
00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,068
Oh, you can count on it.
294
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,740
- Are you sure?
- Yes. I peed on five different sticks.
295
00:19:11,049 --> 00:19:14,041
Would you put that burrito away?
It's making me nauseous.
296
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:18,453
Join the club. I know your parents
are religious, but I know this clinic...
297
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:21,118
- Absolutely not.
- What other choice do we have?
298
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,491
Well, gee, you could, like, marry me!
299
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:26,030
Marry you? I can't stand you.
300
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,589
Oh, nice way to talk
to the mother of your child.
301
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,760
Oh, God.
302
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,798
Bathroom.
303
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:39,441
- Hey.
- Julie. Hi.
304
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,979
- Uh, hey...
- Your door was open.
305
00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:45,676
- Can I come in?
- Uh, what are you doing here?
306
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,514
I read your letter.
307
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:52,215
I had no idea it would be so sweet.
308
00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,691
I could really tell
it came from your heart.
309
00:19:56,395 --> 00:20:00,195
I'm embarrassed to admit, I cried.
310
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,597
[Danielle gagging]
311
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:06,001
Uh... My Aunt Edie sort of
tied one on last night.
312
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:08,631
Oh.
313
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:13,371
Anyway, I guess
what I'm saying is... OK.
314
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:15,310
OK?
315
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,577
- We can try again.
- Julie, that's great.
316
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:22,677
And I wanna talk about this, but I just
kinda need to take care of my aunt.
317
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,188
- Can I call you tomorrow?
- Sure.
318
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,854
We're going to have to take things slow.
319
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:32,692
Because it'll be a while
before I can trust you again.
320
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:35,961
- [Danielle gags]
- I understand.
321
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,235
Thank you, Bruno.
The veal was excellent.
322
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,869
- Feel like dessert?
- No, thank you. I'm stuffed.
323
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,243
Then let me propose a toast.
324
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:53,341
To a delightful evening, and to the
happy accident that brought us together.
325
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,683
[laughs] Victor.
You are so full of crap.
326
00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,688
- What?
- There was no accident.
327
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,022
I know you told your chauffeur
to ram my car.
328
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,618
Why would I do that?
329
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:06,630
For the same reason
you "forgot" to sign the check.
330
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:09,189
You've been working me
since the second we met,
331
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,532
and I've been on to you
every step of the way.
332
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,205
- [laughs]
- What? What's so funny?
333
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,469
I just called you a manipulative jerk.
334
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:19,134
I think I underestimated you.
335
00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:23,772
I also think this relationship
got a lot more interesting.
336
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:27,114
There is no relationship.
This is our last date.
337
00:21:27,185 --> 00:21:28,812
You didn't have any fun?
338
00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:32,254
It was OK.
You know, you told a few good jokes.
339
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:35,691
You're sort of charming,
you're not bad-Iooking.
340
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:39,663
- I just think I can do better.
- Have you not noticed, I'm a catch?
341
00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:42,723
I have noticed,
and I'm throwing you back.
342
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:45,726
Gabby, let me tell you something.
343
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:50,367
For my whole life,
whenever I've truly wanted something,
344
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:51,966
I've always gotten it.
345
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:56,174
And tonight, right around the time you
were calling me a manipulative jerk,
346
00:21:56,248 --> 00:22:00,309
I decided I truly want you.
347
00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:05,249
So brace yourself, the chase is on.
348
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:09,693
You can chase me all you want,
but trust me,
349
00:22:09,761 --> 00:22:11,194
I'm way too fast for you.
350
00:22:17,035 --> 00:22:21,995
Bruno... I'm going to marry that girl.
351
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,411
- [laughing]
- Can I just say something?
352
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,539
You're way hotter than your profile.
353
00:22:30,615 --> 00:22:32,913
So many guys say that.
354
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,453
[moaning]
355
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,361
- What's wrong?
- My friend's kid is out there.
356
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:53,397
Oh. Hey, I got an idea,
let's go upstairs.
357
00:23:03,815 --> 00:23:09,048
I should warn you, my therapist says
I'm sexually compulsive.
358
00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:11,817
This could take hours.
359
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:15,687
Whatever your issues are,
we will work them out together.
360
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,058
[ball bouncing]
361
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:26,365
It's almost eleven.
What is he doing out there by himself?
362
00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:28,804
I'm sure his folks know he's out there.
363
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:32,209
Now relax.
364
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:44,820
I'm so sorry.
I'll be right back. I promise.
365
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,017
What are you doing out here?
366
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,893
- Where's your mom?
- She had to go visit a sick friend.
367
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,702
Come on.
368
00:24:01,072 --> 00:24:04,701
No way. I didn't come over here
to baby-sit some little brat!
369
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:06,869
- He can hear you.
- I don't care!
370
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:11,573
Look, his mother's
bound to be home soon, all right?
371
00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:14,551
Then we can pick up where we left off.
372
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:18,350
Forget it.
I am officially no longer in the mood.
373
00:24:29,668 --> 00:24:31,829
Sorry I ruined your date.
374
00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:34,428
That's OK.
375
00:24:34,506 --> 00:24:39,068
She was a very bad lady who wanted
to do very, very bad things to me.
376
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,813
Night, Raoul!
377
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,190
Where the hell have you been?
378
00:25:03,268 --> 00:25:07,864
Oh, I, uh... ducked out.
Just for an hour.
379
00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:11,375
Funny. I found Travers
wandering the streets three hours ago.
380
00:25:11,443 --> 00:25:15,345
Look, he was fine when I left.
I just didn't know he'd go outside.
381
00:25:15,413 --> 00:25:17,745
Never know what
an eight-year-old's gonna do.
382
00:25:17,816 --> 00:25:21,047
- That's why you supervise them.
- You don't get to judge me.
383
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:22,450
You don't have a kid.
384
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,649
Well, if I did, I'd treat him
a hell of a lot better than you do.
385
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:27,555
Thank God he lives with his father.
386
00:25:27,626 --> 00:25:29,821
I mean, come on!
What kind of mother are you?
387
00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:38,528
If you are done lecturing me,
I would like my son now.
388
00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:40,195
He's asleep.
389
00:25:40,272 --> 00:25:42,968
Come and get him in the morning...
390
00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:44,406
...when you're sober.
391
00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:50,311
[knocking]
392
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:59,247
Hey, buddy!
Your mom's here for you!
393
00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:04,084
I know you think I'm a terrible person.
394
00:26:04,162 --> 00:26:05,993
I never said that.
395
00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:09,522
Terrible mother, terrible person.
It's the same thing.
396
00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:14,234
Because no matter what else she does,
397
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:17,139
if a woman isn't a good mother,
she's a failure, right?
398
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:27,308
Look, um, when I had Travers,
399
00:26:27,385 --> 00:26:29,546
I, uh, I knew I was in over my head.
400
00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:31,979
And when Charles and I split,
401
00:26:32,057 --> 00:26:36,221
I... I gave him custody...
402
00:26:37,562 --> 00:26:40,725
...because I wanted my son
to have the best life possible.
403
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,395
And that doesn't make me a good mother,
404
00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:50,169
but I like to think
it makes me a realistic one.
405
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,240
[footsteps on stairs]
406
00:26:54,346 --> 00:26:57,509
- Hey, Mom!
- Hey, champ!
407
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:01,578
- I missed you!
- I missed you, too.
408
00:27:01,653 --> 00:27:03,348
Guess what.
409
00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:06,413
I've got so many fun things
for you to do today.
410
00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:08,323
- Cool!
- Yeah.
411
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:10,657
- Thanks for the ice cream.
- My pleasure.
412
00:27:10,729 --> 00:27:13,357
I'll see you, little man. Hey.
413
00:27:15,700 --> 00:27:19,158
- Travers said he's staying a month.
- Yeah.
414
00:27:19,237 --> 00:27:23,003
So if you ever need a babysitter,
just yell.
415
00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:27,501
I appreciate that.
416
00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:34,182
Hey! Wait for me!
417
00:27:34,252 --> 00:27:37,449
No, I don't want a viola player.
I asked for a violinist.
418
00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:39,513
I don't even know what a viola is!
419
00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:41,718
Oh, it's just a big violin?
420
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:45,557
OK, yeah, sure.
OK, I'll see you at eight.
421
00:27:46,631 --> 00:27:51,694
- What was that?
- It's just a little surprise, OK?
422
00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:55,638
- Let it go.
- "Let it go." That's cute.
423
00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:57,004
Start talking.
424
00:27:57,075 --> 00:27:59,942
I planned a little something
for our anniversary.
425
00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:02,809
That is all I'm gonna say.
426
00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:05,875
OK. OK, OK.
427
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:08,510
If we're doing this,
I need to buy you something.
428
00:28:08,586 --> 00:28:11,111
- What do you want?
- Don't have to buy me anything.
429
00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:13,384
Didn't have to plan anything,
but you did.
430
00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:16,825
Even though we had an agreement.
You like ties? You're getting a tie.
431
00:28:16,895 --> 00:28:20,558
- What are you getting so upset about?
- I have been dragging my ass all day.
432
00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:23,692
And the only thought
that's kept me going is the hot bath.
433
00:28:23,768 --> 00:28:27,033
And now I have to do my hair,
and shave my legs...
434
00:28:27,105 --> 00:28:30,097
So what do you want to do, Lynette?
Just tell me what you want.
435
00:28:30,175 --> 00:28:32,336
I told you what I want.
436
00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:36,073
Hot bath, bed early.
But you chose not to listen.
437
00:28:36,147 --> 00:28:39,583
Well, OK, I guess
I could just cancel the whole thing.
438
00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:43,212
You can have your dream evening alone.
I'll get up a poker game.
439
00:28:43,288 --> 00:28:45,188
Thank you.
440
00:28:46,424 --> 00:28:49,985
Hey, you know what?
I've been dragging my ass all day, too.
441
00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:51,551
Know what got me through it?
442
00:28:51,629 --> 00:28:54,029
The idea of doing
something special with you.
443
00:28:55,967 --> 00:28:57,992
Happy anniversary.
444
00:29:04,008 --> 00:29:06,943
I'm off to join your mother.
Hotel number's on the fridge
445
00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:10,777
in case there's a problem. Bree said
her cell isn't getting reception.
446
00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:15,183
Uh, actually, we kinda
already have a problem.
447
00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:18,745
I'm late for my flight. Can this wait
a few weeks until we're back?
448
00:29:18,823 --> 00:29:21,656
- Yeah, this could wait a few weeks.
- Oh, good.
449
00:29:21,726 --> 00:29:25,594
I mean, heck, this particular problem
could wait nine months.
450
00:29:29,634 --> 00:29:31,499
Good Lord.
451
00:29:33,271 --> 00:29:35,705
- How was your bath?
- Oh, I couldn't relax.
452
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:39,141
I just kept replaying the fight
I had with Tom in my head.
453
00:29:39,210 --> 00:29:41,804
Well, at least your husband
tries to be romantic.
454
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,781
Every anniversary,
Gilbert bought me an appliance.
455
00:29:44,849 --> 00:29:47,113
On the last one,
he gave me a vacuum cleaner.
456
00:29:47,185 --> 00:29:50,552
He died two weeks later. I didn't cry.
457
00:29:51,656 --> 00:29:53,351
Wow.
458
00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:57,485
- [doorbell rings]
- Who could that be? Here.
459
00:30:00,398 --> 00:30:02,195
Here's what we're thinking.
460
00:30:02,267 --> 00:30:05,725
Clearly, the idea of the two of you
getting married is ridiculous.
461
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:10,036
- So, what do you want me to do?
- Glad you asked.
462
00:30:10,108 --> 00:30:15,410
Bree and I have decided that
Danielle will join us on our honeymoon.
463
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,507
When we return, we'll tell our friends
she's decided to study abroad.
464
00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:23,611
Once the baby's born and adopted
by a suitable family, she'll come home.
465
00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:29,289
- What about me?
- You leave.
466
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:30,486
Leave?
467
00:30:30,562 --> 00:30:34,089
Get out of Fairview and don't tell
a soul why, not even your aunt.
468
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:35,496
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
469
00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:38,365
I've got responsibilities.
People are counting on me.
470
00:30:38,436 --> 00:30:41,496
Should've thought before
impregnating my stepdaughter.
471
00:30:41,573 --> 00:30:45,304
- I said I'm not leaving!
- Oh, easy there, Turbo.
472
00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:47,474
Uh, we'll be right back.
473
00:30:54,586 --> 00:30:56,850
So who exactly is counting on you, hmm?
474
00:30:56,921 --> 00:30:58,548
Julie Mayer, maybe?
475
00:30:58,623 --> 00:31:02,218
She gave me another chance. I can't
leave if I've got a shot with her.
476
00:31:02,293 --> 00:31:05,023
When Julie finds out
you knocked up my sister?
477
00:31:05,096 --> 00:31:08,190
Didn't your stepdad say
no one's gonna find out about that?
478
00:31:09,634 --> 00:31:12,398
OK, try this.
479
00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:15,162
Julie's a nice girl.
480
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,233
And you, well, you're a dog.
481
00:31:23,281 --> 00:31:27,684
No knock.
I'm a dog lover, myself.
482
00:31:28,686 --> 00:31:30,711
But Julie deserves better.
483
00:31:30,788 --> 00:31:33,256
And you know you'll just
end up cheating on her.
484
00:31:33,324 --> 00:31:35,485
No, I won't hurt her again.
485
00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:38,624
Sure you will.
486
00:31:38,696 --> 00:31:41,563
Not right away.
487
00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:43,931
Maybe you'll hold out for six months.
488
00:31:44,002 --> 00:31:47,130
But by then it'll hurt her even more.
489
00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:49,139
Am I wrong?
490
00:31:51,876 --> 00:31:56,176
You just have to ask yourself if you can
be the kind of guy she needs you to be.
491
00:31:57,048 --> 00:32:00,916
And if you can't, walk away.
492
00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:16,998
Beer is on the house, guys.
Drink fast, get stupid, lose money.
493
00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:19,229
- Mike!
- Hey.
494
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:23,002
Hey, buddy.
Hey, you know Orson, right?
495
00:32:23,074 --> 00:32:25,474
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, neighbor.
496
00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:28,944
Hey, so, let's get started, huh?
Five card stud, two dollar ante.
497
00:32:30,181 --> 00:32:32,308
- Good evening, gentlemen.
- Ian!
498
00:32:33,351 --> 00:32:35,649
Hey... Ian.
499
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,779
Nice to see you, Mike.
500
00:32:41,526 --> 00:32:43,551
What is fish and chips doing here?
501
00:32:44,095 --> 00:32:47,690
Susan asked me to include him.
He's always wanted to learn how to play.
502
00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:50,529
So we're gonna give him
some very expensive lessons.
503
00:32:50,601 --> 00:32:54,196
Be careful.
He already knows how to bluff.
504
00:32:59,677 --> 00:33:03,306
- Hey.
- Hey. How's it going?
505
00:33:03,381 --> 00:33:04,939
Good, good.
506
00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:09,077
Uh, I just wanted to tell you,
I have to leave town for a while.
507
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:11,178
Really? Is something wrong?
508
00:33:11,255 --> 00:33:13,723
No, no, no, it's just family stuff.
509
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,985
I don't know exactly
when I'll be back.
510
00:33:19,063 --> 00:33:21,998
It could be a while, though.
511
00:33:23,901 --> 00:33:27,701
Oh... OK.
512
00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:30,763
I just want you to know
that it means a lot
513
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:33,436
that you were willing
to give me a second chance.
514
00:33:35,947 --> 00:33:38,347
You're the only person
that's ever done that.
515
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:43,552
- Austin, what's going on?
- Nothing.
516
00:33:43,621 --> 00:33:47,455
Uh, it's just... I have to go.
517
00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:52,292
Goodbye, Julie.
518
00:33:54,699 --> 00:33:55,757
Austin!
519
00:34:18,423 --> 00:34:20,323
I'll raise you.
520
00:34:23,194 --> 00:34:25,389
Mmm. I'm out.
521
00:34:25,463 --> 00:34:28,364
Another courageous move
from Foldilocks.
522
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:32,958
I'll call you.
Flush, king high.
523
00:34:35,273 --> 00:34:37,605
Full house, sevens and knaves.
524
00:34:37,675 --> 00:34:40,838
Jacks! We call them jacks!
525
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,779
Boy, this is your lucky room.
526
00:34:43,848 --> 00:34:46,783
Yes, I heard about your engagement.
Congratulations.
527
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:49,752
Yeah, about that, Ian...
528
00:34:49,821 --> 00:34:54,019
Was that proposal spontaneous,
or did you have it all planned?
529
00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:57,892
Oh, it was entirely planned.
I thought it'd be the ideal occasion.
530
00:34:57,962 --> 00:35:00,487
Oh, if it was planned,
why didn't you have a ring?
531
00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:04,462
Well, I thought Susan
might like to choose the ring herself.
532
00:35:04,535 --> 00:35:06,230
Ante up, boys.
533
00:35:06,304 --> 00:35:08,864
So why'd she pick a ring
that was too big for her?
534
00:35:10,975 --> 00:35:12,704
How did you know that?
535
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,405
Guys, guys, guys, guys,
we came here to play cards.
536
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:18,074
- Why are we talking about jewelry?
- Sorry, Tom.
537
00:35:18,149 --> 00:35:20,879
But I found out I bought
a ring for Susan myself.
538
00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:24,388
It was in my pocket that night
some son of a bitch ran me over.
539
00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:27,185
Tom's right.
We should focus on the game.
540
00:35:28,593 --> 00:35:31,391
After our talk, I called the hospital.
541
00:35:31,462 --> 00:35:34,260
They said my ring
got in with your wife's stuff.
542
00:35:34,332 --> 00:35:39,292
So you saw it before I did,
the same day you proposed to Susan.
543
00:35:41,005 --> 00:35:42,632
And your point is?
544
00:35:42,707 --> 00:35:44,971
That that's why you were
in such a big hurry.
545
00:35:45,042 --> 00:35:49,069
You wanted to seal the deal before
I found out about the ring and told her.
546
00:35:50,848 --> 00:35:54,113
- Do you think I'm afraid of you?
- Maybe you should be.
547
00:35:54,185 --> 00:35:56,346
What do you think Susan would say
548
00:35:56,420 --> 00:35:59,253
if she found out why your proposal
was so spontaneous?
549
00:36:00,124 --> 00:36:03,525
- Guys, can we just play?
- I'm trying.
550
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:08,397
Fine. Deal.
551
00:36:11,235 --> 00:36:13,203
[phone rings]
552
00:36:17,575 --> 00:36:19,099
- Hello.
- Mr. Scavo?
553
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:21,168
It's Lamar from the limo service.
554
00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:24,681
Um, I got a flat, so I might be late
picking up you and your wife.
555
00:36:24,749 --> 00:36:27,149
What are you talking about?
I canceled you.
556
00:36:27,218 --> 00:36:30,187
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did. I left you a message.
557
00:36:30,254 --> 00:36:31,881
Oh, I must have missed it.
558
00:36:31,956 --> 00:36:34,356
Anyway, I dropped your wife
where you told me.
559
00:36:34,425 --> 00:36:37,451
- Oh, God, when?
- About two hours ago.
560
00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:46,402
Guys, um, lock up when you're done!
561
00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:52,441
I'll open.
562
00:36:53,878 --> 00:36:56,540
- I'm out.
- And I'll raise you.
563
00:37:01,752 --> 00:37:02,741
You want a beer?
564
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:05,084
Tom's gone.
Let's go open up the good stuff.
565
00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:14,998
Well, looks like it's just you and me,
if you're still in.
566
00:37:16,434 --> 00:37:18,664
With this hand? You bet I am.
567
00:37:21,439 --> 00:37:22,428
I'll re-raise.
568
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:31,105
And raise again.
569
00:37:34,585 --> 00:37:37,383
Your stack's looking kinda small.
570
00:37:46,297 --> 00:37:48,288
Will you take a check?
571
00:37:48,733 --> 00:37:50,724
You know I can't match that.
572
00:37:52,003 --> 00:37:53,561
How about this then?
573
00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:57,074
You win, you keep the money
and you tell Susan whatever you want.
574
00:37:57,141 --> 00:38:01,009
If I win, you keep your mouth shut
about the ring
575
00:38:01,078 --> 00:38:03,012
and you leave me and Susan alone.
576
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:17,989
Deal.
577
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,307
How was the game?
578
00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:37,136
I won.
579
00:38:37,214 --> 00:38:39,273
[Susan laughs]
580
00:38:49,527 --> 00:38:52,394
Lynette, I am so sorry! I am so sorry!
581
00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:57,034
There was supposed to be
a horse-drawn carriage and...
582
00:38:58,369 --> 00:39:00,599
Oh, good, you got the flowers.
583
00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:16,246
- Coffee?
- Yes, please.
584
00:39:18,622 --> 00:39:20,886
Yeah, she likes coffee, too. Thanks.
585
00:39:23,561 --> 00:39:26,086
I'm really, really,
really, really sorry...
586
00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:28,427
Please stop apologizing.
587
00:39:28,499 --> 00:39:30,524
I appreciate what
you were trying to do.
588
00:39:30,601 --> 00:39:34,435
It was a lovely thought that went
hideously, hideously, hideously wrong.
589
00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:38,465
Wait until the kids find out
590
00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:40,976
- you saw a real coyote.
- Hideously.
591
00:39:45,483 --> 00:39:47,178
Well, I learned my lesson.
592
00:39:47,251 --> 00:39:49,219
Never again. No more surprises.
593
00:39:49,286 --> 00:39:51,652
From now on,
I'll do exactly what you say.
594
00:39:55,292 --> 00:39:59,058
Oh, don't you dare.
595
00:39:59,130 --> 00:40:01,223
What?
596
00:40:01,298 --> 00:40:03,823
I had a lot of time to think tonight.
597
00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:06,392
And I realized, you were right.
598
00:40:06,470 --> 00:40:09,371
We have to keep the romance going.
599
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,840
No matter how tired we are.
600
00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:16,642
The only thing worse
than just going through the motions
601
00:40:16,714 --> 00:40:20,275
is not bothering
to go through the motions.
602
00:40:22,019 --> 00:40:24,453
So you want me
to surprise you next year?
603
00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,254
Knock yourself out.
604
00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:30,583
Just wait, because I will think
of something even better.
605
00:40:30,661 --> 00:40:32,561
Oh, after this year,
606
00:40:32,630 --> 00:40:37,124
I would be happy with any date
that included food and shelter.
607
00:40:44,475 --> 00:40:46,238
[sighs]
608
00:40:50,247 --> 00:40:52,477
Nine years.
609
00:40:56,053 --> 00:40:58,146
Nine years.
610
00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:01,617
And I have loved every minute of it.
611
00:41:03,627 --> 00:41:05,185
Me, too.
612
00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:16,199
[Rex] Take a drive down
any street in suburbia.
613
00:41:16,273 --> 00:41:18,264
Know what you're gonna see?
614
00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:23,011
A bunch of guys
wearing the same expression.
615
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,974
It's a look that says, "Oh, crap.
616
00:41:28,052 --> 00:41:31,453
My dreams are never gonna come true.
617
00:41:34,692 --> 00:41:37,525
I'll never have a life
free from scandal.
618
00:41:40,030 --> 00:41:42,828
I'll never have a son of my own.
619
00:41:44,869 --> 00:41:47,804
I'll never hold her in my arms again.
620
00:41:50,908 --> 00:41:54,002
I'll never get to tell her how I feel. "
621
00:41:57,715 --> 00:42:02,118
Yeah, the suburbs are filled
with a lot of men who've given up hope.
622
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:08,052
Of course, every once in a while
you do come across some lucky SOB
623
00:42:08,125 --> 00:42:10,593
whose dreams have all come true.
624
00:42:12,329 --> 00:42:14,559
You know how you spot them?
625
00:42:14,632 --> 00:42:18,466
They're the ones who can't stop smiling.
626
00:42:20,671 --> 00:42:23,538
Don't you just hate those guys?
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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