1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,379 My name is Mary Alice Young. 2 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22,444 In this morning's paper, you may come across an article 3 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:25,888 about the unusual day I had last week. 4 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,486 Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, 5 00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:32,395 but that all changed last Thursday. 6 00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:36,196 Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. 7 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:38,100 I made breakfast for my family. 8 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,301 I performed my chores. 9 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,507 I completed my projects. 10 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:50,141 I ran my errands. 11 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:54,448 In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, 12 00:00:54,521 --> 00:01:00,892 quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection. 13 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:07,929 That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet 14 00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:12,767 and retrieve a revolver that had never been used. 15 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:21,671 My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs. Martha Huber, 16 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,149 who'd been startled by a strange popping sound. 17 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,378 Her curiosity aroused, 18 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:31,220 Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. 19 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,391 After some initial hesitation, 20 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:41,901 she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before. 21 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:07,649 It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. There's blood everywhere. 22 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,628 Yes, you've got to send an ambulance. 23 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,598 You've got to send one right now. 24 00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:21,671 And, for a moment, Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, 25 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,733 grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy. 26 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:27,438 But only for a moment. 27 00:02:27,547 --> 00:02:30,311 If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for, 28 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:34,217 it was her ability to look on the bright side. 29 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,351 I was laid to rest on a Monday. 30 00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:46,489 After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane 31 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:49,467 came to pay their respects. 32 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:53,766 And, as people do in these situations, they brought food. 33 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,400 Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. 34 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,569 Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. 35 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:03,308 She didn't cook much while moving up the corporate ladder. 36 00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,144 She didn't have the time. 37 00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:09,780 But when her doctor announced she was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. 38 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,619 "Why not quit yourjob?" 39 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:16,151 "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful." 40 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,230 But this was not the case. 41 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:21,391 In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic 44 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,534 But she didn't have the time. 45 00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,909 - Stop it, stop it, stop it. - But, Mom. 46 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,141 No. You are going to behave today. 47 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,947 I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. 48 00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:42,544 And, just so you know how serious I am... 49 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,852 - What's that? - Santa's cell-phone number. 50 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:47,722 How did you get that? 51 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,627 I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. 52 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,665 And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa 53 00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:57,702 and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas. 54 00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,897 Are you willing to risk that? 55 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:05,639 OK. Let's get this over with. 56 00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:13,750 Gabrielle Solis who lives down the block brought a spicy paella. 57 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:18,251 Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste 58 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,724 for rich food... 59 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,987 ...and rich men. 60 00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:26,490 Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, 61 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,430 proposed on their third date. 62 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,834 Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. 63 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:36,602 But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal. 64 00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:39,509 Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. 65 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:44,049 However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler. 66 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:46,482 If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, 67 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,952 mention how much I paid for your necklace. 68 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,115 Why not pin the receipt to my chest? 69 00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:54,182 He let me know what he paid for his wife's convertible. 70 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,421 - Just work it in. - There's no way I can. 71 00:04:56,529 --> 00:05:00,693 Why not? At the Donahue party everyone was talking mutual funds. 72 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,065 You mentioned you slept with half the Yanke outfield. 73 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,833 It came up in the context of the conversation. 74 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,238 People are staring. Keep your voice down. 75 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:12,675 Absolutely. We wouldn't want them to think we're not happy. 76 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,270 Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, 77 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,248 brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. 78 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:23,220 Bree was known for her cooking. And for making her own clothes. 79 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,151 And for doing her own gardening. 80 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:30,184 And for re-upholstering her own furniture. 81 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:34,027 Yes, Bre's many talents were known throughout the neighborhood. 82 00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:38,764 Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. 83 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:42,705 Everyone, that is, except her own family. 84 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,776 Paul. Zachary. 85 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,974 - Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp. - You shouldn't have. 86 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,282 It was no trouble. The basket with the red ribbon is for your guests. 87 00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:58,380 The one with the blue ribbon is just for you and Zachary. 88 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,393 It's got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things. 89 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:02,689 Thank you. 90 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,595 The least I could do was give you a decent meal 91 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,496 to look forward to in the morning. 92 00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:10,295 I know you're out of your minds with grief. 93 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,598 Yes, we are. 94 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,600 I will need the baskets back once you're done. 95 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:19,376 Of course. 96 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,581 Susan Mayer, who lives across the stret, 97 00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,846 brought macaroni and chese. 98 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:31,115 Her husband, Karl, always teased her about her macaroni, 99 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:35,627 saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook and she rarely made it well. 100 00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:39,631 It was too salty the night she and Karl moved into their house. 101 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,958 It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Karl's shirt. 102 00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:49,507 She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving her for his secretary. 103 00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,751 A year had passed since the divorce. 104 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:03,482 Susan had started to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life. 105 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,990 Even one who would make fun of her cooking. 106 00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:09,221 Mom, why would someone kill themselves? 107 00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,861 Well, sometimes people are so unhappy, 108 00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:16,992 they think that's the only way to solve their problems. 109 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,799 - Mrs. Young always seemed happy. - Yeah. 110 00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:24,400 Sometimes people pretend to be one way, when they're totally different inside. 111 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:29,005 Like how Dad's girlfriend always says nice things, but we know she's a bitch. 112 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:33,142 I don't like that word, Julie. But, yeah, that's a great example. 113 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:38,349 You're welcome. 114 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,523 What's going on? 115 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:49,927 Sorry I'm late. 116 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,732 - Hi, Susan. - Hey. 117 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,325 So what did Karl say when you confronted him? 118 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:20,331 You'll love this, he said, "It doesn't mean anything. It was just sex." 119 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,367 Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook. 120 00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:26,599 Then he got this Zen look on his face and said, "You know, 121 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:29,937 most men live lives of quiet desperation." 122 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,170 - Tell me you punched him. - No. I said, 123 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:35,237 "What do most women lead? Lives of noisy fulfillment?" 124 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,511 - Good for you. - Did he have to bang his secretary? 125 00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,211 I had that woman to brunch. 126 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,380 An erect penis doesn't have a conscience. 127 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,016 Even the limp ones aren't that ethical. 128 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,923 This is why I joined the NRA. 129 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,554 When Rex started going to those conferences, 130 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,257 I wanted it in the back of his mind that he had a wife 131 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,891 with a loaded Smith & Wesson. 132 00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:59,233 Lynnie, Tom's always away. Do you ever worry he might...? 133 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:03,002 He's gotten me pregnant three times in four years. 134 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:05,566 I wish he was having sex with someone else. 135 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,206 So, Susan, is he gonna stop seing that woman? 136 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,455 I don't know. 137 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,327 I'm sorry, you guys, I just... 138 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:26,954 I just don't know how I'm gonna survive this. 139 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,161 Listen to me. 140 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:32,794 We all have moments of desperation. 141 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,771 If we can face them head-on, that's when we find out how strong we really are. 142 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,682 Susan. 143 00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:47,980 Susan. 144 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,921 I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on Friday. 145 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,515 He needs us to help pack up Mary Alice's things. 146 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,526 He can't face doing it by himself. 147 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:59,497 - Sure. That's fine. - Are you OK? 148 00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:03,433 Yeah. I'm just so angry. 149 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:07,734 If Mary Alice was having problems, she should've let us help her. 150 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,707 What problems could she have had? She was healthy, 151 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,370 had a great home, a nice family. Her life was... 152 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,607 Our life. 153 00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:20,679 No. If Mary Alice was having a crisis, we'd have known. 154 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,846 She lives 50 feet away, for God sakes. 155 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:27,153 Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must've been going on. 156 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,967 - I wouldn't eat that if I were you. - Why? 157 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:45,476 I made it. Trust me. 158 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,507 Hey, hey, do you have a death wish? 159 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:54,484 No, I just don't believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and chese. 160 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:58,452 Oh, my God. 161 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:02,187 How did you...? It tastes like it's burnt and undercooked. 162 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:05,526 Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go. 163 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:12,566 Thanks. I'm Mike Delfino. I just started renting the Sims' house next door. 164 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,334 Susan Mayer. I live across the stret. 165 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:19,241 Mrs. Huber told me about you. Said you illustrate children's books. 166 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,677 Yeah, I'm very big with the under-five set. 167 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,510 What do you do? 168 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:27,484 Plumber. So if you ever have a clog... 169 00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,381 ...or something. 170 00:11:34,326 --> 00:11:37,454 Now that everybody's sen that I brought something, 171 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,828 I should probably just throw this out. 172 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,509 Ow. 173 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,875 Ease up, you little vampire. 174 00:11:56,315 --> 00:12:00,149 Lynette, I've been looking all over for you. 175 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,687 Are you aware of what your sons are doing? 176 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,120 Cannonball! 177 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,789 Stop! 178 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,704 What are you doing? We are at a wake. 179 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:23,434 - You said we could go in the pool. - I said you could go by the pool. 180 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,805 Do you have your swimsuits on? 181 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,846 Yeah, we put 'em on ourselves before we left. 182 00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,281 You three planned this? All right. That's it. Get out. 183 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,581 - No. - No? 184 00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:38,555 I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on. 185 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,956 We want to swim and you can't stop us! 186 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:52,666 Here. 187 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:55,705 - No! - Get out. 188 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,437 Think I won't get in this pool and just grab you? Get out! 189 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:01,979 Oh! 190 00:13:02,047 --> 00:13:04,345 Get over here. 191 00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:07,942 All right, give me your arm. 192 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:09,611 You... 193 00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,553 Yah! 194 00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,489 That's right. Get over here. 195 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,927 Go, go, go, go, go. Move it. 196 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,369 Out. Get out. 197 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:39,714 Paul, we have to leave now. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. 198 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,452 Go. 199 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,923 Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. 200 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:52,555 He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface. 201 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:04,565 The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbors quietly went back 202 00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:06,838 to their busy, busy lives. 203 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,414 While some did their cooking... 204 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,248 ...and some did their cleaning... 205 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,648 ...and some did their yoga... 206 00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:20,349 ...others... 207 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,222 ...did their homework. 208 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,990 Hi... 209 00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:27,861 I'm Julie. I kicked my ball into your backyard. 210 00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,800 Oh, OK. Well, let's go round and get it. 211 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,338 Stay. 212 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:37,501 His wife died a year ago. In LA there were too many memories. 213 00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:40,409 He's renting for tax purposes, but hopes to buy soon. 214 00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,539 - I can't believe you went over there. - I saw you flirting. 215 00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:47,347 Now you know he's single, you can ask him out. 216 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:50,115 Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. 217 00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:53,055 I just... I don't know if I'm ready to date yet. 218 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:57,356 You need to get back out there. How long has it been since you've had sex? 219 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:03,230 - Are you mad I asked you that? - No, I'm trying to remember. 220 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,602 I don't want to talk to you about my love life. 221 00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,970 I wouldn't have said anything. Just... 222 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,372 What? 223 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:15,110 I heard Dad's girlfriend ask if you'd dated anyone since the divorce. 224 00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:20,948 And Dad said he doubted it. And then they both laughed. 225 00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,265 Hey, Susan. 226 00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,999 Hi, Mike. I brought you a house-warming gift. 227 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,671 I should've brought something by earlier. 228 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,803 - Actually, you're the first to stop by. - Really? 229 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,871 - Susan knew she was lucky. - Well... 230 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,782 An eligible bachelor had moved on to Wisteria Lane 231 00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,842 and she was the first to find out. 232 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,252 She also knew that good news... 233 00:15:57,356 --> 00:15:59,688 - Hello there. ...travels quickly. 234 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:04,127 Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcée in a five-block radius. 235 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:07,562 Her conquests were numerous. 236 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,465 Varied. 237 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:15,435 And legendary. 238 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:17,338 Wh... Ah! 239 00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:20,867 Hi, Susan. I hope I'm not interrupting. 240 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:26,148 You must be Mike Delfino. Hi, I'm Edie... Britt. 241 00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,118 I live over there. 242 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,552 Welcome to Wisteria Lane. 243 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,887 Susan had meet the enemy. And she was a slut. 244 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,019 Thank you. What's this? 245 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,930 Sausage puttanesca. It's just something I threw together. 246 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,967 Well, thanks, Edie. 247 00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:48,473 That's... great. I'd invite you in, but I was in the middle of something. 248 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,600 - I'm late for an appointment. - I just wanted to say hi. 249 00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:55,976 And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun. 250 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:58,949 For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie 251 00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,712 would remain friendly. 252 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:04,222 Oh, Mike, I heard you're a plumber. 253 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,120 But she was reminded that when it came to men... 254 00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:10,662 Could you stop by later and take a look at my pipes? 255 00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:13,197 ...women don't fight fair. - Sure. 256 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,957 Thanks. 257 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,403 Bye, Susan. 258 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:26,205 - You can't order me around. - Gabrielle. 259 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,607 No, no. I'm not going. 260 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,773 Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives. 261 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:34,216 Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass. 262 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:37,447 I made over 200,000 doing business with him last year. 263 00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,548 If he wants to grab your ass, let him. 264 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,862 - John. - Ow! 265 00:17:50,936 --> 00:17:53,632 Mr. Solis, you scared me. 266 00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:56,572 Why is that bush there? You were supposed to dig it up. 267 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,940 - I didn't have time. - I don't want excuses. 268 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,208 Just take care of it. 269 00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:06,317 I really hate the way you talk to me. 270 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,649 And I hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace 271 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,347 you couldn't live without. 272 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:16,520 But I'm learning to deal with it. So can I tell Tanaka we'll be there tomorrow? 273 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,588 John, we have bandages top shelf in the kitchen. 274 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,030 Thanks, Mrs. Solis. 275 00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,537 Fine, I'll go. 276 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,201 But I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time. 277 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:37,112 See, now this is what a marriage is all about. Compromise. 278 00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:47,457 - Is your finger OK? - Yeah, it's just a small cut. 279 00:18:47,559 --> 00:18:50,687 Let me see. Mmm. 280 00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:11,212 You know, Mrs. Solis, I really like it when we hook up, 281 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:14,480 but, um, you know, I got to get my work done and... 282 00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:18,078 ...I can't afford to lose this job. 283 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:24,093 This table was hand-carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy. 284 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,894 It cost him $23,000. 285 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,094 You want to do it on the table this time? 286 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:33,728 Absolutely. 287 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,952 Why can't we ever have normal soup? 288 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,686 Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil purée. 289 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,126 Once, can we have a soup people have heard of? 290 00:19:57,229 --> 00:20:01,563 - Like French onion or navy bean? - Your father can't eat onions. 291 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:06,900 He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion. 292 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:09,964 So, how's the osso buco? 293 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:13,169 - It's OK. - It's OK? 294 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,473 I spent three hours cooking this meal. 295 00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:20,575 How do you think it feels when you say, "It's OK" in that sullen tone? 296 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,017 Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner? 297 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,951 Excuse me? 298 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,724 Tim Harper's mom gets home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, 299 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,923 and they're eating, everyone's happy. 300 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,401 - You'd rather I served pork and beans? - Apologize now, I beg. 301 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:42,303 I'm saying do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we just have food? 302 00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:44,399 - Are you doing drugs? - What? 303 00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,501 Change in behavior is a warning sign 304 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,877 and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. 305 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,450 It explains why you're always in the bathroom. 306 00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:54,781 - That is not what he's doing. - Shut up. 307 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,616 Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here. 308 00:20:57,689 --> 00:21:01,716 You're the one acting like she's running for Mayor of Stepford. 309 00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,990 Rex... seeing that you're the head of this household, 310 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,327 I'd appreciate you saying something. 311 00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:11,961 Pass the salt? 312 00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:25,407 Three days after my funeral, 313 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:29,510 Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion. 314 00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:30,646 Indignation. 315 00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:34,555 Tom, this is my fifth message and you still haven't called me back. 316 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:39,586 You must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine. 317 00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:42,394 Guess what, the kids and I want to have some fun too, 318 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:46,301 so unless you call me back by noon, we're getting a plane and joining you. 319 00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:49,431 - Mom. - Not now. Mommy's threatening Daddy. 320 00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:52,170 - Mom. - No, I... 321 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:55,543 - Where are your brothers? - Noodles, my favorite. 322 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,714 - Lynette Scavo? - Crap. 323 00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:08,385 Natalie Klein. I don't believe it. 324 00:22:08,493 --> 00:22:14,557 - Lynette. How long has it been? - Years. How are you? How's the firm? 325 00:22:14,633 --> 00:22:17,864 - Good. Everyone misses you. - Yeah. 326 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,336 We all say, if you hadn't quit you'd be running the place by now. 327 00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:23,874 Yeah, well. 328 00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:28,641 So how's domestic life? 329 00:22:28,714 --> 00:22:31,012 Don't you just love being a mom? 330 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:35,452 And there it was. The question that Lynette always dreaded. 331 00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,249 Well, to be honest... 332 00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:41,019 For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable. 333 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:44,927 So Lynette responded as she always did. She lied. 334 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,863 It's the best job I've ever had. 335 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,676 - You know what I don't get? - What? 336 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,680 Why you married Mr. Solis. 337 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:12,954 Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted. 338 00:23:13,024 --> 00:23:17,188 - And did he? - Yes. 339 00:23:17,295 --> 00:23:19,729 Then why aren't you happy? 340 00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:24,869 Turns out I wanted all the wrong things. 341 00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:29,373 So do you love him? 342 00:23:29,474 --> 00:23:30,941 I do. 343 00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:34,342 So then why are we here? Why are we doing this? 344 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,677 Because I don't want to wake up one morning 345 00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,649 with a sudden urge to blow my brains out. 346 00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:46,981 - Hey, can I have a drag? - Absolutely not. 347 00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:50,653 You are much too young to smoke. 348 00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:56,057 How would you feel if I used your child support payments for plastic surgery? 349 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:59,604 Stop being nervous. You're just asking him to dinner. No big deal. 350 00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:02,366 You're right. 351 00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:04,305 So is that your project for school? 352 00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,607 In fifth grade I made the White House out of sugar cubes. 353 00:24:07,712 --> 00:24:11,307 Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better. 354 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:16,217 Tell me again why I fought for custody of you. 355 00:24:16,321 --> 00:24:20,451 - You were using me to hurt Dad. - Oh, that's right. 356 00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:23,717 Oh, God. 357 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,866 - Hi. - Hey, Susan. 358 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,372 - Are you busy? - No, not at all. What's up? 359 00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:42,743 Well, I... I just, uh, was wondering if... 360 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,544 ...if there was any chance that you, uh... 361 00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:50,486 ...I just wanted to ask if... 362 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:54,148 - Edie. - Hey, there, Susan. 363 00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:56,819 - What are you...? - I was making ambrosia. 364 00:24:56,895 --> 00:25:00,661 And I made too much so I thought I'd bring some over to Mike. 365 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:03,632 - What's going on? - Susan was gonna ask me something. 366 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,571 Uh... 367 00:25:10,609 --> 00:25:12,839 - I have a clog. - Excuse me? 368 00:25:12,944 --> 00:25:15,970 - And you're a plumber, right? - Yeah. 369 00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:19,710 - The clog's in the pipe. - Yeah, that's usually where they are. 370 00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:23,447 - Well, I've got one. - OK. Let me get my tools. 371 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:27,219 Now? You want to come over now? You have company. 372 00:25:27,292 --> 00:25:28,691 I don't mind. 373 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,025 Just give me two minutes. I'll be right over. 374 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:42,700 That's it. 375 00:25:42,774 --> 00:25:44,708 - Stuff the hair down. - I stuffed it. 376 00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:48,575 - It's not enough to clog it. - Here. Here. Look. 377 00:25:48,647 --> 00:25:50,672 Put in this peanut butter. 378 00:25:51,783 --> 00:25:54,445 And this cooking oil. 379 00:25:54,519 --> 00:25:56,146 - Mom... - And these olives. 380 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,289 It's not working. 381 00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:02,053 Oh, God. That's him. 382 00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:04,925 How am I gonna stop up the sink? 383 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:14,865 Well, here's your problem. 384 00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:18,239 Somebody stuffed a bunch of Popsicle sticks down here. 385 00:26:19,144 --> 00:26:23,638 I've told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen. Kids, you know. 386 00:26:29,321 --> 00:26:33,587 I'll go put in your orders and I'll be back with your plates for the salad bar. 387 00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:35,819 Thank you. 388 00:26:35,894 --> 00:26:38,385 Andrew, Danielle, napkins. Thank you. 389 00:26:39,831 --> 00:26:44,291 They have video games. Can we go play until our food gets here? 390 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:48,668 - This is family time. I think... - Go ahead and play. 391 00:26:57,849 --> 00:27:00,909 I know you think I'm angry about coming here, but I'm not. 392 00:27:01,019 --> 00:27:04,147 The kids wanted a change of pace, something fun. 393 00:27:04,222 --> 00:27:08,852 I get it. They'll want something healthier tomorrow, though. 394 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,225 - I'm thinking chicken saltimbocca. - I want a divorce. 395 00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:18,293 I just can't live in this... 396 00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:21,605 ...this detergent commercial anymore. 397 00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:25,769 The salad bar's there. Help yourself. 398 00:27:25,844 --> 00:27:28,108 Thank you. 399 00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:33,545 Um, I think I'll go get your salad for you. 400 00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:50,095 - Bree Van De Kamp. - Oh, hello, Mrs. Huber. 401 00:27:50,769 --> 00:27:55,069 We didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's wake. How are you doing? 402 00:27:56,241 --> 00:28:00,439 Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal. 403 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:04,777 But sadly for Bre, admitting defeat was not an option. 404 00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:08,717 Great. Everything is just great. 405 00:28:08,787 --> 00:28:13,747 I got you the honey mustard dressing. The ranch looked a little bit suspect. 406 00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:25,628 Are we gonna talk about what I said? 407 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:28,570 If you think I'll discuss my marriage in a place 408 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:32,643 with rest-rooms labeled "Chicks" and "Dudes", you're out of your mind. 409 00:28:36,047 --> 00:28:38,948 - What's in this? - What do you mean? It's salad. 410 00:28:39,017 --> 00:28:42,180 - With... with onions. - What? 411 00:28:42,287 --> 00:28:45,313 - You put onions in my salad. - No I didn't. 412 00:28:49,928 --> 00:28:51,361 Oh, wait. 413 00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:03,901 The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before. 414 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:07,536 Many years ago when he was quite young. 415 00:29:10,048 --> 00:29:12,346 But he recognized it instantly. 416 00:29:19,557 --> 00:29:22,651 It was the sound of a family secret. 417 00:29:42,547 --> 00:29:46,074 Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane 418 00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:49,279 finally returned to normal. 419 00:29:49,387 --> 00:29:53,721 Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate. 420 00:29:55,460 --> 00:29:58,452 - Mommy, Mommy! - Now what? 421 00:29:58,530 --> 00:30:01,499 Daddy's home! 422 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:04,898 Come on! Hey, is anybody home? 423 00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:08,404 - Hey! - Hey! 424 00:30:08,473 --> 00:30:10,668 I wasn't expecting you for a week. 425 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:13,210 I have to go back to 'Frisco in the morning. 426 00:30:13,278 --> 00:30:15,508 But I got your call. You sounded frazzled. 427 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:16,808 Yeah. 428 00:30:16,915 --> 00:30:20,112 - It's been a little rough. - Hi. Yeah. Peaches. 429 00:30:20,185 --> 00:30:22,016 Did you buy us any presents? 430 00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:24,919 Oh, God, presents. Wait up. Let me see. 431 00:30:28,526 --> 00:30:31,256 - Ohhh! - Yeah! 432 00:30:31,329 --> 00:30:35,425 But I'm not giving it to you unless you promise to go outside right now 433 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:38,094 and practise throwing for 20 minutes. 434 00:30:38,169 --> 00:30:40,694 - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Punks. Get out! 435 00:30:40,772 --> 00:30:45,675 Who's open? Go out. Deeper. Deeper. Touchdown! 436 00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:48,611 Oh, my God. 437 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:52,674 Oh, no. 438 00:30:53,117 --> 00:30:58,487 You got to be kidding. I'm exhausted. I look terrible. I'm covered in peaches. 439 00:30:58,590 --> 00:31:03,823 - I'm sorry, baby. I got to have you. - Well, is it OK if I just lie here? 440 00:31:03,928 --> 00:31:06,954 Absolutely. 441 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:14,297 - I love you. - I love you more... Oh, baby. 442 00:31:14,405 --> 00:31:16,600 Wait. I was having trouble with swelling. 443 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,506 The doctor took me off the pill. Put on a condom. 444 00:31:19,577 --> 00:31:21,044 - A condom? - Yeah. 445 00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:23,841 What's the big deal? Let's risk it. 446 00:31:23,915 --> 00:31:26,975 - Let's risk it? - Yeah. 447 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:40,426 - I can't believe you tried to kill me. - Yes, well, I feel badly about that. 448 00:31:40,498 --> 00:31:45,060 Mrs. Huber came over and I got distracted. It was a mistake. 449 00:31:45,136 --> 00:31:48,162 - Since when do you make mistakes? - What does that mean? 450 00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:53,472 It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. 451 00:31:53,544 --> 00:31:56,843 I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. 452 00:31:56,915 --> 00:32:01,011 I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've used the bathroom. 453 00:32:01,085 --> 00:32:05,419 You're this plastic suburban housewife, with her pearls and spatula, 454 00:32:05,490 --> 00:32:08,823 who says things like "We owe the Hendersons a dinner." 455 00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:13,457 Where's the woman I fell in love with... 456 00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:19,866 ...who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? 457 00:32:21,973 --> 00:32:24,032 And laugh. 458 00:32:26,244 --> 00:32:32,479 I need her. Not this cold, perfect thing you've become. 459 00:32:39,857 --> 00:32:41,984 These need water. 460 00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:58,572 Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five minutes, 461 00:32:58,676 --> 00:33:00,735 but her husband never knew. 462 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:05,277 Because when Bree finally emerged... 463 00:33:08,086 --> 00:33:10,486 ...she was perfect. 464 00:33:16,861 --> 00:33:20,991 - I found my earrings. We can go now. - Was John here today? 465 00:33:21,099 --> 00:33:22,430 Well, yeah. 466 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:27,267 The lawn hasn't been mowed. I've had it. We're getting a real gardener. 467 00:33:27,338 --> 00:33:28,703 - Why? - Are you deaf? 468 00:33:28,773 --> 00:33:31,435 I just said he's not doing his job. 469 00:33:31,509 --> 00:33:34,342 It's dark. You just can't see the lawn has been mowed. 470 00:33:34,412 --> 00:33:37,506 - It hasn't. Feel this grass. - I'm not feeling the grass. 471 00:33:37,582 --> 00:33:40,915 Let's just get going. Come on, we're late. 472 00:33:47,492 --> 00:33:49,016 - Take care of it. - Yes, sir. 473 00:33:54,799 --> 00:33:59,202 There's Tanaka. Time for me to go and do my dance. 474 00:33:59,303 --> 00:34:01,396 Good luck, sweetheart. 475 00:34:04,776 --> 00:34:06,971 You see that man just walked away? 476 00:34:07,078 --> 00:34:12,948 Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all night long? 477 00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:15,080 Yes, ma'am. 478 00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:34,558 Mm. 479 00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:54,674 - Susan? Susan! - Mrs. Huber, how are you doing? 480 00:35:54,752 --> 00:35:58,916 Not too well, I'm afraid. I'm trying to find something to soothe my stomach. 481 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:01,322 - It's upset? - Yeah. 482 00:36:01,425 --> 00:36:05,691 I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake. It's been running through me. 483 00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:09,891 And I need to be at my best. Edie Britt's son is spending the night. 484 00:36:10,701 --> 00:36:12,396 He's spending the night? 485 00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:15,598 Edie is having a gentleman friend over for dinner, 486 00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:18,971 and I think she plans on entertaining into the wee hours, 487 00:36:19,076 --> 00:36:21,135 if you know what I mean. 488 00:36:22,313 --> 00:36:25,805 Oh, here's some antacid. Have you ever tried this? 489 00:36:26,784 --> 00:36:29,753 I can't believe it. This can't be happening. 490 00:36:29,820 --> 00:36:32,118 Mike can't like Edie better than me. 491 00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:36,627 You don't know what's going on. Maybe they're just having dinner. 492 00:36:36,727 --> 00:36:39,321 You're right. They're doing it. 493 00:36:53,110 --> 00:36:54,907 Edie? 494 00:37:06,090 --> 00:37:07,580 Edie? 495 00:37:13,164 --> 00:37:16,725 Hello? Anybody home? 496 00:37:19,470 --> 00:37:21,597 I need to borrow sugar. 497 00:37:38,356 --> 00:37:43,020 Oh, my God! Oh, yes! Give it to me! 498 00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:46,996 And just like that, the possibility Susan had clung to, 499 00:37:47,064 --> 00:37:52,593 the maybe of Mike Delfino, was gone forever. 500 00:37:54,205 --> 00:37:56,867 And despite the precariousness of her situation, 501 00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:59,034 Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. 502 00:38:12,723 --> 00:38:16,124 Oh. 503 00:38:19,397 --> 00:38:21,729 Oh! Oh! 504 00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:31,199 It didn't take Susan long to realize, this was just not her night. 505 00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:35,070 Is somebody out there? 506 00:38:35,179 --> 00:38:38,376 Oh, my God! That's smoke! 507 00:38:52,897 --> 00:38:55,229 Oh, my God. 508 00:38:55,933 --> 00:38:58,128 She left candles unattended in the den. 509 00:38:58,202 --> 00:39:01,194 Paramedic said she was lucky. She could've been killed. 510 00:39:01,906 --> 00:39:04,374 She ran out with nothing on. 511 00:39:04,775 --> 00:39:08,973 - She was having sex with some guy. - What happened to him? 512 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,776 He got smoke inhalation. He's at the hospital. 513 00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:13,441 Oh. 514 00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:16,077 Susan, are you all right? You look awful. 515 00:39:16,153 --> 00:39:22,717 I'm fine. I'm fine. I just, uh, feel really bad for Edie. 516 00:39:22,827 --> 00:39:25,796 Oh, honey, don't worry about Edie. She's a strong lady. 517 00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:30,061 Absolutely. She'll get through this. She'll find a way to survive. 518 00:39:30,167 --> 00:39:32,397 We all do. 519 00:39:35,539 --> 00:39:37,803 Come on. 520 00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:57,353 - Wow! What happened? - Mike! 521 00:39:57,461 --> 00:40:01,830 And suddenly there he was. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes. 522 00:40:01,899 --> 00:40:06,199 I... I thought you were... uh... Where were you? 523 00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:09,830 I just got back from the movies. Edie had a fire, huh? 524 00:40:09,907 --> 00:40:16,813 Yeah. Yeah, but she's fine now. Everything's fine now. 525 00:40:16,881 --> 00:40:19,850 And just like that, Susan was happy. 526 00:40:19,950 --> 00:40:24,614 Life was suddenly full of... possibilities. 527 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,696 Not to mention a few unexpected surprises. 528 00:40:38,536 --> 00:40:40,060 - Hello. - It's me. 529 00:40:40,137 --> 00:40:42,264 - Have anything yet? - No, nothing yet. 530 00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:46,434 But don't worry. I'm definitely getting closer. 531 00:40:54,718 --> 00:40:58,586 I brought some champagne. I thought we should have a toast. 532 00:40:58,689 --> 00:41:02,489 The next day my friends came together to pack away my clothes, 533 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:07,088 my personal belongings and what was left of my life. 534 00:41:08,699 --> 00:41:10,792 All right, ladies, lift 'em up. 535 00:41:10,901 --> 00:41:13,995 To Mary Alice, a good friend and neighbor. 536 00:41:14,071 --> 00:41:16,596 Wherever you are, we hope you've found peace. 537 00:41:16,674 --> 00:41:19,268 - To Mary Alice. - To Mary Alice. 538 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:27,917 Let's get this show on the road. 539 00:41:27,985 --> 00:41:30,476 You guys, check out Mary Alice's clothes. 540 00:41:30,588 --> 00:41:34,456 Size eight? Ha! She always told me she was a size six. 541 00:41:34,558 --> 00:41:39,086 - We found the skeleton in her closet. - Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite. 542 00:41:39,196 --> 00:41:41,960 - What's that? - A letter addressed to Mary Alice. 543 00:41:42,733 --> 00:41:44,098 How ironic. 544 00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:48,502 To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret, treated so casually. 545 00:41:48,606 --> 00:41:52,269 - What are you doing? That's private. - It's open. What's the big deal? 546 00:42:04,388 --> 00:42:07,516 - What does this mean? - Don't know. Check out the postmark. 547 00:42:07,591 --> 00:42:10,355 Oh, my God. She got it the day she died. 548 00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:13,658 Do you think this is why she...? 549 00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:19,299 I'm so sorry, girls. I never wanted you to be burdened with this. 550 00:42:22,006 --> 00:42:24,804 Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?