Gossip girl here... Your one and only source
into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
Perjury is a felony,
and Lily could be spending a lot of time in jail
if say, I were to... Tell everybody.
Lily and my date used to date, but that was a long time ago.
I'll do whatever it takes to stay in the company.
If Lily is an obstacle, I'll handle it.
Nothing is sacred to you.
That's not true. You are sacred to me.
I've seen all I needed to see.
I suggested that you be promoted to replace me. Congratulations.
Stefano's giving you a trial run starting now.
We are not friends. Just because we went to go see a movie...
Or... five together
does not mean that I'll go out on a limb for you.
What about your family? What if us being together
drives them all away?
I don't think it will, but that's a risk
I'm willing to take if you are.
And who am I?
That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.
(Rye rye's "sunshine" playing)
Mick, Keith, and their questionably costumed cohorts
said, "you can't always get what you want,"
but that doesn't mean
it's okay for anyone else to have it either.
(Ben) It's just toast.
But it's perfect.
It's the perfect amount of toasty.
Hey.
Sorry if we kept you up last night.
We were playing scrabble.
She fell asleep to avoid losing.
Since when do you enjoy scrabble?
Do you want some coffee? I made it.
Be careful. She makes it strong. She's giving
staten island correctional a run for its money.
No, thanks. I'm actually craving some zibetto's.
You're gonna go all the way to midtown for coffee?
Yeah, yeah, I have a meeting... Lunch... up there anyway.
So see you guys later.
I should get going, too.
I agreed to a détente with my mom
so I could help plan Eric's 18th birthday party.
And I can't show up in yesterday's clothes.
Well, tell him I say congratulations and to be
careful now that he's old enough to be tried as an adult.
Actually, I was hoping maybe you could come to the party
and tell him yourself.
I'm not going to your mother's, Serena.
I'm not eating her food or drinking her wine
or smiling and pretending that everything's okay.
I know. I don't forgive her either. I just...
We'll hang out when you're done.
I wished for chills on my birthday,
but not thanks to the flu.
Well, looks like I'll be ushering in adulthood
with warm tea and flat ginger ale.
Oh, we'll have to celebrate another time.
Oh, I need to get to this meeting.
Get some rest, okay? And I'll call everyone
when I get home and cancel the party. Mwah.
How's the patient?
Do I need to change my breakfast with thurston?
No. He's gonna be fine. I wish I could say the same
about this meeting.
Stay strong. I know you'll do great.
♫ Sunshine ♫
♫ it's a friend of mine, at the school line ♫
Okay, I try not to meddle in Dorota's duties,
but don't you think you're taking it a bit too far?
Marie antoinette, Scarlett O'Hara...
I merely following the footsteps
or other powerful women who did not have time to zip.
Or maybe you're just delusional from lack of sleep.
Your light hasn't been off for nights.
Great leaders only need three hours.
Mine just happen to be nonconsecutive.
It's all part of my 2-year plan. Every minute is allotted
for work, school, and personal obligations.
Ow! That was my skin.
Studies stay not enough sleep make people psychotic.
Shouldn't you be brushing?
Are you sure your workaholism has nothing to do
with Raina and Chuck and Valentine's day?
They broke up,
and I only have 30 seconds left of "being a good friend" time,
so spill. Where were you last night?
At the loft, just sleeping. It's hard to find the time
with Dan always there and you here,
and... you know, there's been a lot of buildup.
A 3-year stint in the big house... I'd say so.
Obviously, "good friend time" has expired.
B., please, at least consider a nap.
What are you doing?
Less reading, more grooming.
I'm the only one who can multitask.
Girls inc. Has found its new face in Raina thorpe,
if only Chuck bass could get her to look at his again.
But New York's favorite bad boy always gets what he wants,
and in this case,
we think that's the girl who has everything.
I'm sure miss Raina does not have personal dresser.
Yes, but she has a company and a foundation
and maybe a second chance with Chuck.
(Sighs)
Keep up, Dorota.
The time has come for the dictator to delegate.
I'm moving up my time line.
Russell manipulated me
to make me look like a monster with Lily
so Raina would break up with me
and I'd lose my one advocate within his company.
So you said more than a couple of times.
I have to get her back. I need you to bump into her
while she's meeting your mother about girls inc.,
then just distract her for a while.
I'm pretty sure a businesswoman like Raina
has plans for the day, and what do I talk to her about anyway?
Me. I have faith in you, Nathaniel.
Your Archibald charm can get me the opening I need.
Just change the sweater.
What's wrong with my sweater? (Sniffs)
You called us here to Skype?
No, I called you into "w,"
but apparently someone thought that stood for "Waldorf."
It's fine. No time to waste on blame.
Oh, thank god.
One does not get promoted without working 50-hour weeks,
nor does one graduate early
without doubling their course load.
There are philanthropic positions to secure
as well as relations to nurture.
Yet with science so woefully behind in cloning technology,
I can only be in one place at a time. Dorota?
Jessica, art history essay exam.
We got the question in advance. You will just
sit in front of the proctor and take my dictation
over Bluetooth. Penmanship counts.
Now, Penelope,
gifts for Eric's birthday
and my mother's new home in aix.
And please do try to approach my level of taste.
New Minion?
My name is Emily.
She has no time to care.
The opera is naming their new board,
and I need to be on it, which means that I need
to meet with Bryn Harold today.
I don't want to do gifts.
I'm sorry, but the time allotted for this attraction
is now up.
(Beep)
Interns, step in.
Now since the new online blog is molding minds,
I'll do that myself.
You will sort portfolios, draft editorial captions,
and research back...
Are you talking to me?
Of course not. Where are my interns?
They put in for transfers.
Your management style was a little aggressive.
One claims she has p.T.S.D. And threatened a lawsuit.
Oh.
Good luck.
The last assistant who lost her interns
lost her job, too.
Not to worry. My new intern is already here.
(Indistinct conversations)
Thanks for coming.
I've requested a quiet table over there...
Oh, I'm not staying.
I only came to tell you to stop calling me.
Lily, I know I said some terrible things,
but let me explain.
I've tolerated a lot from you over the years, but nothing
could justify the humiliation that you put me through
on Valentine's day.
Russell thorpe is setting me up.
I don't care Russell was doing behind the scenes.
It's no excuse for the things that you said to me.
I can't believe you're on his side.
This guy's trying to destroy our company.
Your company. You had me fired. I'm done trying to protect
the bass legacy. Russell will make a marvelous owner.
What is it with this guy?
You still have feelings for him?
Please. I'm a married woman.
That didn't stop you from cheating on my father.
I'm sure you'll do the same to Rufus.
Good-bye, Charles.
(Bills thud)
Hey.
(Giggles)
I thought, since I no longer have a party to plan,
I figured I could just come make sure Eric was okay,
wish him happy birthday,
and then we could spend the rest of the day doing whatever.
I heard "a free man of color" is great.
Matinee would get us out of the cold.
Or... my room at the Waldorfs' is pretty cozy.
(Elevator bell dings)
Maybe you don't even have to go up to see Eric.
Oh, it'll just be a minute, I promise.
I mean, he's right there.
Don't even try
to tell me you're on an emergency ibuprofen run.
I'm not sick.
(Door closes)
(Sighs)
The slap was a nice touch... Oscar-worthy.
Yes, well, it was surprisingly satisfying.
Lily, once again, I'm sorry.
I feel like a fool for ever believing Russell over you.
Well, let's just hope
it's not long before he's the one feeling foolish.
Can't get no satisfaction...
Looks like that's up for debate.
But Dan and Nate actually made things worse
when they went to see Damien's father.
How, exactly?
Damien's got his big coke shipment
coming in today from Europe.
It's arriving at the flower market
in the fertilizer packs of a hundred pink tulips.
And since his dad has people watching his every move,
he's making me be his drug mule.
What? Why would you do that? What does he have on you?
On me, nothing.
But... he knows that mom forged the affidavit about Ben.
You told him? Eric, you know what would happen
if that ever comes out.
Mom could go to prison. I'm aware.
I stupidly thought that Damien was my friend,
and I knew he would never wanna clear your name.
You can't blame yourself.
But you can't do this drug deal.
How else am I supposed to stop him from outing my mom?
I did this. I gotta fix it. Great birthday, right?
Go upstairs and tell mom that you're feeling better
and not to cancel your party.
We'll take care of this, I promise.
Thank you.
If we go to the police,
Damien will just tell them about my mom.
I-I should just get the flowers myself.
Serena, it's a drug deal.
Anyone who touches those flowers can get arrested.
Yeah, and if no one does, my mom will.
You can't risk anyone else's future to protect hers.
The right thing to do here is nothing.
Then the worst that happens is Lily pays for what she did.
At least no one else will.
Ben, she's my mother.
Who created this whole situation on her own.
I think we should take a rain check on our afternoon.
Yeah.
Call me later?
(Telephones ringing)
This job offer won't last forever.
No way am I gonna work for you.
I came here to see if you wanted to have lunch,
not sign up for indentured servitude.
Penelope, I see on "gossip girl" that you're between
36th and 48th street. That is a tasteful gift-free zone.
Get back in the cab.
What do you mean you don't know the price of the Prada clutch?
You are Prada. Let me speak to miuccia. Tell me.
For someone who is so determined to remain a free person,
why are you still here?
Listen, I'm not gonna work for you, but as a friend,
I am willing to help out. All you have to do
is admit you need me.
What?
Never. (Beeping)
The last person I need is Dan Humphrey,
who shouldn't flatter himself by thinking he's my friend.
Yes, I need immediate delivery of four venti lattes
with extra shots.
(Lowers voice) None of which are for you.
Oh, good, I don't really like refreshments with my theater.
Hey, Raina.
Nate. (Giggles)
I just finished having tea with your mom.
I would have stayed longer,
but I have to meet ivanka at trump place.
You haven't seen my driver, have you?
You know what? The police probably got him
for double parking. It happens all the time on this block.
I guess I should just catch a cab.
Yeah, if you have an hour.
Cab to riverside will take at least that long right now.
How is that possible? It's 15 blocks.
The best way to get anywhere right now is through the park.
You mean... walk.
I'll escort you.
That way, you won't wander off into sheep's Meadow.
Come on. Trust me. It'll be fast, and it's fun.
Okay, then. Escort away.
There aren't really sheep there, right?
(Chuckles) No. Just a lot of grass.
The kids theme is perfect for the party.
Eric has always been so serious and grown-up.
This will be his last grasp at childhood. Thank you.
(Beep)
Nate's distracting Raina.
Now we have to get Russell out of the office,
get access to his computer before they change the password
the captain gave me.
Well, Russell isn't liquid enough to acquire
something as big as bass industries on his own,
so he must have a backer, and if it's true
that it's more profitable to keep bass industries intact,
then I'm sure that this investor
would appreciate if we told him this.
Let's hope we can find him before he writes thorpe a check.
I don't know how much longer we can wait for Russell to call.
You could make the first move, play the modern woman.
Look, you of all people know that men like Russell
need the pursuit.
Maybe I simply just don't have the allure that I used to.
No. The way he's playing this, behind all the false claims,
there's a real agenda, and it's personal.
I have to think it's his feelings for you.
(Cell phone rings)
(Beep)
Russell, what a surprise.
No, it's a pleasant one, actually.
Well, yes, after everything that's happened with Charles,
I was hoping you would call.
Oh, I'd love to meet you for a drink.
No, the oak bar is perfect.
See you soon.
Do you have Bryn Harold? Well, then take off your shoes
and chase her down, because I need that opera... (Gasps)
As a front-of-book idea.
They're doing "Boris godunov" this spring.
Who doesn't love tsars and cossacks?
Seems like a better concept for fall,
but I'll run it by the group.
You sure you're not ready to admit you need my help?
Never! No, "never" isn't what he transitioned Spain into.
It's modernism, and don't get caught talking during a test.
When was the last time you slept?
Sleep is for the weak, and speaking of which,
don't act like I don't know why you're really here.
It's because you're avoiding Ben and Serena at the loft.
No, I'm waiting for you to crack.
Stefano said to research the opera.
And what's the e.T.A. On today's blog post?
Uh... uh... within the hour.
Blair, if you take on one more thing, you're gonna break.
Blair, we need your help with a scheme.
She can't.
Oh. I can.
New paragraph...
"'The nude Maja' began goya's separation
from religious iconography..."
What are you doing here?
I'm leaving. This just went from "women on the verge"
to "saw ii." I don't like Gore porn.
Are you sure you can help us? You seem pretty busy.
A takedown only takes two minutes.
(Telephone rings)
Stefano tonchi's office. Please hold.
Yes. You hold, too, Jessica.
(Beep, receiver clatters)
(Sighs) Tell me the plot points.
(Matt and Kim) ♫ cut and crossed wires, electric fires ♫
♫ reset your clocks and... ♫
Look at everyone...
Skating and kissing and...
Doing karate.
(Giggles)
Oh, it's... (Chuckles) It's tai chi.
I mean, don't they have parks in Chicago?
Mm-hmm, Grant park. It's beautiful.
I think I saw a picture of myself there...
At the age of 3.
But... it may have been... The white house lawn.
(Chuckles)
Guess that's what happens
when your mother walks out before you can walk.
I'm sorry. I, uh, I had no idea.
My mom used to take me skating here every winter.
I've never been.
What? You're from the home of the hawks,
and you haven't been skating?
I watch from our box, not from the ice.
Oh. Oh, come on. I'll teach you.
What about my meeting?
Trust me. Your first time in skates is worth
being a few minutes late, okay?
Look, go take a look. I'll get the skates and be right there.
♫ Cut and crossed wires, electric fires ♫
7 1/2.
All right, 7 1/2...
♫ it's burning down ♫
(Blair) Penelope, I'm putting someone else on gifts.
Return immediately for your new and urgent flower mission.
All the details are on a purple sticky note on my computer.
(Gasps) (Beep)
It's about time.
You texted me, like, two minutes ago.
I was downstairs getting a sandwich.
Now what's so urgent?
I wanted to tell you that...
You were right...
About that thing.
Oh, now which thing was that?
I, Blair Waldorf, need Dan Humphrey's help.
As a friend and peer, not as an underling.
As... my friend and peer, not my underling.
(Stammering)
(Mutters) As my friend and peer, not an underling.
Culinary crisis in features.
Ted's got a lead on rare white truffles in Tuscany.
We need you.
Okay, so all right, what do you want me to do?
It's all on my desk. Just start.
(Mutters)
Painting it black has nothing on the trouble
one piece of purple paper can cause.
Hey, sorry again about, uh, spilling the cider.
Ice skating was worth it,
plus I got to cancel my day and continue my adventure
of things I've never done,
like... nothing at 2:00 in the afternoon.
What would you be doing if I wasn't here?
Probably just studying.
What subjects?
Well, I might be playing
a little "black ops" first, yeah.
Would you be doing this, too?
It does make me a better soldier.
Another thing I've never tried.
Seriously? That wasn't peer pressure, by the way.
I just...
Will you light me up?
You know who gets really, really good weed?
Chuck.
This really is a day of firsts.
(Click)
(Russell) To old friends and new beginnings.
(Clink)
Nothing would make me happier.
(Beep)
I hope you know I never meant
for you to become collateral damage
in this acquisition.
Oh, of course. I remember how important it was for you
to keep your personal life and business separate.
You always understood me.
Okay, have a good weekend.
You know, I still have a soft spot
for that bar at the peninsula hotel.
We did have some memorable moments.
(Mouse clicks)
I don't want to cross any lines that you don't
want to cross, Lily. I'm only happy if we can move forward,
even if it's just as friends.
Oh, maybe we could just get one more glass of wine.
(Typing)
(Beep)
I never really knew
how you felt about me choosing Bart...
If I was important to you or just... amusing.
(Mouse clicks)
You and Rufus seem to have a good thing going.
Yes, well, that is just a show.
After we lost the first bass industries buyer,
I couldn't risk
the rumors of more family trouble.
Look at what the Dodgers are going through with the mccourts.
Exactly, but luckily the situation will be over
once your bid goes through. Right now I'm just grateful
that Rufus doesn't come home very often.
Maybe husband number six will be the charm.
(Beep)
(Clicking, beep)
(Cell phone alert chimes)
(Beep)
Oh, I can't believe what time it is.
I have to get home to Eric's 18th birthday party.
Thank you for such a lovely afternoon.
I hope it's not our last.
Me, too.
Please note which ones are the cossacks
and which ones will play the tsars. Thank you.
(Beep)
Bryn Harold is friends with Lily Humphrey. She'll be
at Eric's party tonight. I have all the information.
Well done, new Minion. Make sure my résumé's up to date.
She doesn't take applications, Blair.
She just invites people who impress her...
And aren't still in college.
Well, as you can probably tell,
I'm not a typical college student.
I'm a self-actualized,
mature-beyond-her-years-yet- still-youthful-and-dewy
working woman. Bryn Harold will be impressed.
Those aren't tulips.
Why would I buy your mother and Eric tulips?
I left you a message.
I didn't get it.
I took you off of gift duty and put you
on purple sticky note.
What purple sticky note?
The one that I said I left on my computer screen.
It was right here.
(Elevator bell dings)
Oh.
Hey, is everything okay?
You have a visitor, says her name is Vanessa.
Tell him I came to apologize,
and I'm happy to wait here till he gets back.
She says that...
I heard, I heard. Tell her that I got all of her texts and her
handwritten letters, and I will be in touch when I'm ready.
He says... do I really have to say that?
Shouldn't you just talk to her yourself?
No, no, no, no, no. Giving her the message myself
will defeat the entire purpose of the message,
and I'm really busy right now. I'm on the Upper East Side
delivering, like, a hundred tulips.
A hundred tulips. Got it.
Hey, is anyone waiting for a tulip delivery?
Why on earth did you get them?
Uh, to help Blair.
These are purple.
Oh, and plant-y.
Why are you guys so interested in tulips?
Well, at least no one will get arrested.
Except mom when Damien finds out we don't have his coke.
Okay, all right, will somebody tell me
what the hell's going on?
Poor e... only 18, and already welcoming all the makings
of anyone's 19th nervous breakdown.
(Woman) ♫ one, two, I love you, I know that you know me, too ♫
♫ three, four, not my door ♫
♫ super late like 3 or 4 ♫
♫ we talk all night ♫
Blair, what were you thinking?
That I would arrive at this party
and be greeted appropriately.
I know you only admitted you needed me
so you could make me your drug mule.
That sticky note was meant for Penelope. (Scoffs)
Frankly, with her attitude,
she could use some time behind bars.
So that's it?
There's no "I'm sorry I could have gotten you arrested"?
Well, you're here. The party's lovely.
Everything obviously turned out fine.
Except that you sent Dan to get the wrong flowers.
The tulips with the coke were pink.
And I... wrote that down. This one's on you, Humphrey.
You wrote "purple." Classic stroop effect.
Where you write or say a color
that you see instead of the one you mean.
You're not the only one who knows his neurodysfunction.
Happy birthday.
Yeah, right. Damien just called. Turns out he pre-sold the coke
and is therefore on his way to pick up the $100,000
he says I now owe him.
That's insane. Nobody has that kind of money, do they?
Not on them, but we need it now,
or he's gonna out mom here tonight.
It's your 18th birthday, which means the checkbook
to your rhodes trust fund is somewhere
in that pile of presents.
Okay. All right. Let's get unwrapping.
I know you're thinking
that stroop is one of the symptoms of chronic fatigue,
but I'm not even tired.
♫♫
(Indistinct conversations)
So it turns out Russell's financial backer
is a guy named Bradley kidd from Atlanta.
He owns a lot of property down south, nothing marquee.
Bass would be a huge move for him,
and something he's capable of making.
How do we convince him not to?
Because the captain was right.
Thorpe ran a bunch of financial scenarios for kidd,
but nothing involved keeping bass industries intact.
Would kidd consider backing us instead?
That's why I invited him tonight,
to convince him it's a better business move
or to get him to break his deal with Russell.
Good spying.
Thank you.
(Ke$ha's "tik tok" playing)
I kind of like this double agent thing you have going on.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
♫ Tonight I'm-a fight till we see the sunlight ♫
♫ tik tok on the clock ♫
(Ring) You gotta move in order to be better.
I'm trying.
Arm twist.
There you go. Okay, finally.
(Bell dings, cheers and applause)
Finally, a sport I can beat you in.
Oh, come on. No. First of all, this isn't even a sport.
Second of all, gloat all you want to.
Just please don't tell anybody I danced to "tik tok."
I wouldn't call that dancing. (Giggling)
What? Hey, hey, at least I'm a good loser, okay?
You threw your racket so hard, you almost broke the TV
when I beat you at the tennis game.
This will make up for it.
(Crunching)
Mmm. That's awesome.
Mm-hmm.
We need to call Ben & Jerry.
No, we should start our own company.
Yes.
Hmm. That was my dream when I was 5.
Don't tell my dad.
Mm, I won't.
This is really fun.
(Cell phone rings)
Hey.
Where have you been? I need you to bring Raina to Eric's party.
Sorry, man. The music was really loud.
Music?
(Indistinct conversations)
Never mind. Change of plan.
Keep her there until I call back.
Bye.
You know who loves ice cream?
Chuck... he loves it.
(Chuckles) Nate...
I know what you've been trying to do all day.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
♫♫
Ugh! I hate professional gift wrapping.
What are you doing? Do you realize how gauche it is
to open gifts at a party, before dessert?
I was just so excited to have a new addition
to my stock portfolio.
Well, at least make a list for thank-you notes.
I'm on hold with Victor from the flower market.
You've already done enough by getting me this, uh, salad bowl.
It's baccarat, and it's for my mother,
which means that your Larry Clark print
is on its way to her. Penelope.
(Cell phone alert chimes)
♫♫
Keep going. I'll be right back.
Yeah.
(Indistinct conversations)
Great party.
Happy birthday.
(Indistinct conversations)
I'm guessing you're not here to celebrate.
I just saw Damien go up,
and I know you sent Dan to get the drugs.
The Dan part was a mistake, but I did ask Blair to help.
I thought that you agreed that no one else should get hurt
to protect your mother.
(Elevator bell dings)
I'm not okay with what she did either,
but it doesn't mean that I wanna destroy her.
Are you saying you choose Lily?
You chose for me by turning to ice
every time I mention her name.
I'm sorry. I have to go help my brother now.
(Lily) Bryn, I am so glad you could come.
Rufus and I are really enjoying the season so far.
Thanks. You'll excuse me.
Mrs. Harold, hi.
Oh, yes. I'm Blair Waldorf.
Hi. What a pleasure to meet you.
Russell, what a surprise. Uh...
What are you doing here?
Well, I figured he only turns 18 once.
Well, I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay.
Rufus decided to make an appearance.
I promise I won't draw attention.
I'm just a business associate,
an old family friend stopping by with a gift.
Well, I suppose I can't argue with that.
You do look exceptionally lovely.
Lily, what the hell is going on?
Nice to see you again, Rufus.
You think I'm a fool? I know what went on between you two,
and looks like it's still going.
Please, this is not the time.
You're the one who invited him to Eric's 18th birthday party.
Actually, I was just leaving.
No, you know, some men know how to behave appropriately
at social events.
Ahem. Russell, I'm so sorry. I'll call you later.
(Lowered voice) You know, you're not so bad
at that double agent thing yourself.
(Blows air) Think he bought it?
With my "w" blog, I'm imprinting proper etiquette
and fashion sense as well as my philanthropic mandate
on a whole new generation much like you did.
You do realize you're wearing two different shoes?
♫♫
By the way, um, have you seen Chuck bass?
I heard he's dating Raina thorpe,
and I'd love an introduction.
No, I haven't seen either of them.
♫♫
Brad, what are you doing here?
Russell, didn't expect to see you.
Looking for me. Mr. Kidd.
Chuck bass.
Thanks for coming.
I think I'll stay, too.
Uh, that's Dalgaard... Two a's after the "g."
Why are you doing this?
Angry cokeheads... My father cut me off.
I have to pay them back somehow.
Make sure you don't leave out any of those zeroes.
Fine, but then that's the end of it.
$100,000?
Eric, what is the meaning of this?
I hear a storm is threatening someone's very life today.
Let's hope they find some shelter
and it's not behind bars.
♫♫
$100,000 worth of drugs?
You promised you were done with all of this.
Mom, it's... it's not what it looks like.
Seems like you Van Der woodsen/humphreys
have a lot of discussing to do,
so I'm gonna go get a cocktail, maybe some Mac and cheese.
You know your options.
♫♫
Let me guess.
You and Lily are all made up,
and she and Rufus are quite happily married.
I don't meddle in my stepmother's affairs,
or in your case, a lack thereof.
Chuck here is just trying to manipulate you
to pull your backing. The only manipulation is yours.
You don't want anyone to know it doesn't make financial sense
to rip bass industries apart.
You're just upset because you lost your daddy's company.
We understand.
It's very sad. But it's time to get over it.
Brad, I'm sorry he dragged you into this.
Let me buy you a real dinner.
I think I'll stay and hear young Mr. Bass out.
The only thing I hate more than being lied to
is being cheated.
You're making a mistake.
♫♫
What are you doing here?
This is Serena's brother's birthday party.
It's not okay for you to just show up here.
All I wanna do is apologize for the part I played
in what happened to her. I had no idea that was Juliet's plan,
and you know me, Dan. I would never be okay
with things going that far.
Yeah, that's what my sister said before she did the right thing
and came clean. You, on the other hand,
pointed a finger at her and left town.
Wow. I guess... I can never come back,
not even with you.
I'm not gonna chase after you, Vanessa.
And I wouldn't stop for you if you did.
Juliet's right, what she said.
I'm an outsider around here and always will be.
♫♫
I'm relieved you're not going to overdose,
but you should have come to me with this.
I just... I-I didn't wanna worry you.
I wanted to fix my mistake.
The only mistake was mine...
When I forged Serena's signature.
Wow. That's the first time you've admitted it was wrong.
Well, it seemed right at the time,
but I know it wasn't. And as much I appreciate
you both trying to protect me, I can't allow anyone else
to pay for what I did.
Hey.
Can't a person have some privacy to make a phone call?
Where's your phone? Look, Blair, I just wanted to tell you
that you were right. I was only hanging out at "w"
to avoid being at the loft with Ben and Serena.
That's your big revelation? I think you've actually gotten
less smart since high school, Humphrey.
Oh, right. You go to N.Y.U.
Well, I'm smart enough to see that your race to greatness
has, uh, come down to a competition with Raina.
That's ridiculous. She's from the midwest.
You're the one wearing two different shoes.
Because of Dorota. My problem isn't emotional.
It's administrative.
(Knock on door)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have delegation disasters to fix.
Penelope sent me for the bowl, and Jessica said to tell you
you got an "f" on your essay.
I guess she showed up at professor trudeau's class and...
Trudeau teaches history, not art history.
Yeah. She figured that out... After.
I really loved your blog, though.
The blog? What?
I-I completely forgot.
Well, all that stuff about
servants being like belts and purses
and overpriced and interchangeable...
It was really funny... (Chuckles) Or... mean.
Wait. Was there something
about admitting you need help from friends?
"Friends are the fashion fundamentals."
See? You did write it.
Well, of course. Who else could turn minions into a metaphor?
Bye.
(Siren wailing in distance)
(Chuckles)
Well, well, well, if it's not my favorite ex-con
to run into in dark alleys.
If you ever use that information about Lily,
I'll have you killed.
It's a tad melodramatic, don't you think?
Well, that's up for you to decide
while you're walking around, wondering if that guy behind you
is the ex-con I got to do the job.
Those guys I had beat up Howard Archibald
only stopped after ten minutes
because I told them to.
It takes a hell of a lot less time to kill a man.
I always knew you read too much Shakespeare to be sane.
Bygones.
(Exhales deeply)
(Sighs)
Turns out what Ben did while doing time
wasn't on his side.
Now Vanessa has him under her thumb.
I appreciate you looking this over so quickly.
I'll be in touch either way.
(Beeps)
You still with Raina? I'm ready for you to bring her over.
Dude, it's not happening.
What do you mean?
I'm sorry. She figured out what I was up to, and she split.
All right, I mean, you should just move on.
You can get any girl in New York, not to mention Europe,
Australia, and several parts of Asia.
I appreciate your efforts, Nathaniel.
No worries, man.
(Beep)
You sure you don't wanna give him one more chance?
I told you I've dated guys like Chuck my whole life.
I think I'm done with business in bed
and portfolio pillow talk.
I want my day of firsts with you.
Then what else have you never done?
Well, happy birthday. Mwah.
Fork, please.
No Raina?
Not tonight. At least I got to see the look on Russell's face
when you accused him of sleeping with Lily.
I know. Rufus did play the jealous husband brilliantly.
Mm, so sad I missed all of this.
And did anyone else see Vanessa, or am I having ether flashbacks?
It's probably the latter, although I did notice
Blair wearing two different shoes.
(Lily) Hmm.
(Elevator doors open)
And Ben.
He came, but then he turned right around and left.
Are you so sure about that?
Sorry to interrupt.
Damien won't be bothering you anymore.
I made it clear that I wouldn't cooperate.
Thank you, Benjamin.
I can't believe you did that for her.
I didn't. I did it for you.
I don't want anything to stand in the way of us moving forward.
Me either.
Maybe we should stay and eat some cake.
Not yet.
Forgiveness isn't gonna happen overnight, Serena.
I know. What matters is that you made the first step.
(Knock on door)
Your "friends as fashion" metaphor...
Was well executed but did not save my job.
You got fired?
Slash quit. Donna said they'd been watching me for a while,
hoping for the best, but let's face it.
I'm imploding. At least you got your name in the blog.
I'm sorry, Blair.
I thought that if I could be the Blair Waldorf
that I want to be a little sooner,
that maybe I could return to Chuck
before he fell for someone else.
Well, you do know Raina broke up with him.
Yes, in my head,
but in my heart I feel further away than ever.
I mean, tonight he's thinking about a different girl,
and meanwhile, I lost my job, I failed a test,
I almost got my best friend's mother arrested.
And... I'm in Brooklyn talking about it
to... Dan Humphrey.
Uh, well, I'm about to order some pizza...
(Slides paper)
If you wanna stay.
I think someone "freaky Friday'ed" me,
and this can't possibly be my life.
Well, it is. What do you want?
Gourmet, I suppose.
(Erik hassle's "the thanks I get" playing)
(Knock on door)
♫ and loyalty's not a virtue ♫
Burning the midnight oil, trying to put
the bass industries deal back together?
I'm sorry. Have we met?
Damien Dalgaard, fellow victim
of the bass/ Van Der woodsen/humphrey clan.
If you have $100,000 and promise to keep a secret,
I have a little information you might find useful.
When you do finally get what you want,
the problem is
there's always someone who's trying to take it away.
Blair's light's off.
I noticed.
♫ If I can't love you, then who will? ♫
♫ And you're coming off your chill ♫
♫ when your ego takes a dip ♫
And all that wanting makes us blind to the fact
that things aren't exactly what we think they are.
You're the worst kind there is... an intellectual snob.
(Gossip girl) Maybe it's better sometimes
to just get what you need.
X.o.x.o. Gossip girl.