Into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
Vanessa stole my phone and sent an e-mail to my professor.
(Vanessa) I did not do this.
I wanted to be friends, but what did you expect me to do?
Serena's professor is Colin...
Our cousin Colin.
And what's the problem?
I need him. He pays for my school, my rent.
Relationships with faculty are strictly forbidden.
I don't think I can make it six weeks.
At least we stopped ourselves before we made a mess
of everything. No one found out, so we're safe.
You're different than anyone I've ever known.
Well, you know what? Just save it.
'Cause you're exactly like everyone I've ever known.
(Serena) A peace treaty based on more than just a handshake.
And who am I?
That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.
(Pony up's "kick you to the curb" playing)
Morning, upper east siders.
Hope you had a good night's sleep...
Or at least a good night's play.
♫ Ooh, ooh ♫
♫ ooh, whoo-ooh ♫
(Record needle scratches)
I need to talk. I'm having Colin issues.
And boundary issues. Ladies knock.
And besides, the only issue
you should be having with professor forrester
is the topic of your midterm.
Now if you don't mind, I'd like to
hit the snooze button on this conversation
and go back to... okay.
(Sighs) All I can think about
is how much I wanna be on his arm at the ballet.
And instead, I've got the Dean's target on my back.
How are we supposed to even try to have a relationship?
I hate it when the duvet puffs up like that.
Ohh.
Maybe it's just the way you're sitting.
I know we agreed to wait, but it feels like meanwhile,
life is just passing us by. It's... it's not fair.
Life is tough, Serena. Just...
Get a helmet.
Or at least borrow one of my chapeaus.
Wear it all day to remind you not to lose your...
Head. Get on! Go!
Well, thank you for the great advice.
(Sighs)
(Pants) This comforter blocks out so much noise,
they could sell it at bose.
Ugh. This has got to end.
I thought it just did.
That was the last time.
(Horn honks in distance)
(Sighs)
Hey. I'm, uh, headed over to my dad and Lily's for breakfast.
Do you wanna come?
Actually, I have a lot of work. But if you could swipe
some Santa Maria novella soap for me while you're there...
That's right. The, uh, olive oil, not the mint.
I know.
(Chuckles) I had no idea you were a Colin forrester fan.
I saw Matt lauer interview him on the "today" show recently.
Yeah? What what was it about?
Who was cuter. Or maybe that was just me.
Well, he's no Maria bartiromo, but he is Serena's professor,
and she's been raving about him, so I figured I'd borrow
that book from her.
And you checked out of this conversation
the minute the "s" word came up.
Sorry, but ever since the Hamilton house debacle,
I'm dead to anyone in Serena's life,
except for you. Nate doesn't even return my calls.
Well if it makes you feel any better,
he's not talking to me, either.
He's still pissed that I stole that treaty.
Well, unlike you, I didn't do anything.
Juliet framed me. She's crazy. Is any of this ringing a bell?
Vanessa, let's not get into this again. We... we put it behind us.
We'll leave it there. All right?
(Door opens)
(Click)
I got it. We're good.
(Door opens)
I'll call you later.
(Beep)
Hi!
Sorry I'm late.
I had to pull an all-nighter just to finish "persuasion"
for my comp lit class.
Apparently, even Jane Austen can have a misfire.
Nice try. You're just trying to avoid
finishing our conversation from the other night.
You promised me you weren't in contact with Ben.
I'm all he has. It's not that easy for him.
Prison shouldn't be easy,
especially when you deserve to be there.
(Whispers) He didn't do it.
You're the only person that thinks that.
Why else would his lawyer have him plead guilty?
Look, I understand he's your brother and you love him,
but you are playing with fire.
Oh, really? And you're not?
What is that supposed to mean?
I saw the way that you were looking
at Serena Van Der Woodsen
at Blair Waldorf's party the other night.
If you'll excuse me, I'm running late,
so let me just say this... I may pay for your life here,
but if you continue to see your brother,
it will cost you, and this is what you will lose.
(Door closes)
(Dan) You know how much money you can make in lobsters?
No, Daniel, I do not.
Sorry, I just kind of assumed
when you invited me for family breakfast
that there would be, uh, more... family involved.
Yeah, so did I, but I forgot
about Lily and Eric going to his interview at wesleyan.
And Serena? Do you know where she is this morning?
'Cause, I mean, you know, Nate mentioned...
Uh, she might be seeing someone.
Well, Lily hasn't said anything. Why don't you just ask her?
Because I have a vested interest in her answer.
Things between us got so sidetracked
after everything with Milo and... and... and Vanessa.
I just would like to get them figured out once and for all.
I don't know how she feels.
So take her to coffee or something and ask her.
You're right. I'll just go find her on campus.
I'm gonna go for broke today.
I'm glad I could be so influential.
Oh, no, it's actually the title of chapter one here...
"Going for broke," but, um, you're awesome, too, dad.
No...
Yo! Where have you been? You haven't been home in days.
Well, the New York marathon was this weekend.
Those women run 26.2 miles in under 3 hours,
so their warm-ups are key.
What about you?
Things back on with Juliet? A romantic rendezvous?
No, that's over.
I'm just actually swinging by her place
to return her things she left at the suite.
I just gotta get rid of them so I can finally be done.
Closure... the unobtainable goal.
In my personal experience,
the closest I've come to getting it
is through mass amounts of hate sex.
But that's just me.
I think I'll stick to giving Juliet
her shampoo and copy of "the help" back.
Well, you go ahead.
I've left my BlackBerry in the limo.
You're holding it.
Then I need another ristretto. See you around.
(Scoffs)
What if someone sees?
You don't like that anymore?
No, you idiot. I mean, what if someone we know sees?
What... what am I saying? There will be nothing to see.
This ends here.
What about over there?
Okay. Hurry.
(Gasps)
You realize this breaks our pact not to be alone together.
Ah, it wasn't us. It was fate. I mean, can we help it
if we're in the same place at the same time,
hailing the same cab?
It has happened before.
Numerous times, which is why you know how long
it would've taken to hail another one during rush hour.
(Chuckles) I'm having a whole new appreciation
for pleather seats with duct tape.
Though where I really wanna be with you
is at the ballet tonight. It would be in public,
so we'd be forced to restrain ourselves.
Unfortunately, I know more than a few Columbia faculty members
who are big supporters of the balanchine.
Probably not a good idea.
You're right. I just hate that we have to wait over a month
to have another accidental cab ride together.
Unless that's enough for you?
Why don't we go away for the weekend?
(Chuckles) What?
We can go to harbour island.
We can spend days on the beach
and nights having long talks over dinner.
Separate rooms, of course, so no rules get broken.
We're almost there. What are you thinking?
I'm packing in my head already.
Ohh! (Laughs)
(Brakes squeal)
("Kick you to the curb" playing)
♫ uh-huh ♫
♫ uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ♫
♫ ooh ooh ooh ♫
In a city that never sleeps,
it's important to always be alert...
♫ ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ♫
Because if you blink,
you might miss something...
♫ you want it, want it, they're all gonna flaunt it, flaunt it ♫
♫ you know you want it, want it ♫
Or someone.
♫ I'll kick you to the... ♫
♫ I'll kick you to the curb ♫
♫ don't act like you're surprised ♫
♫ you'll get what you deserve ♫
♫ I don't take... ♫
Yes, hi.
I need to make an appointment with Dean reuther right away.
♫ I've got to let you go ♫
I have something that she wants to see.
But be careful,
since the truth can be eye-opening.
♫ Flaunt it, flaunt it ♫
Hey, excuse me.
I'm dropping some stuff off for Juliet sharp.
Who?
Juliet sharp. Uh, 4a, I think it is?
I'm sorry. There's no one named sharp in this building...
Or Juliet for that matter,
at least not in the eight years I've worked here.
♫ I'll tell you, I'll tell you ♫
Good morning, upper east siders.
This is your wake-up call.
(Indistinct conversations)
Serena. What are you doing on campus so early?
Watching you climb out of a brownstone vestibule
with Chuck following like the bass that ate the canary.
And no denials. Your skirt's on backwards.
No, it isn't.
Fine, I may have slipped up a little,
but it's just sex, and a one-time thing at that.
Or maybe a 5-time thing. Okay, if we're being honest,
I've lost count how many times...
Though that depends on what you're actually counting as...
Blair, what are you doing? You've come so far.
Don't fall off the wagon now.
I haven't.
It's just your ordinary, run-of-the-mill ex sex,
fueled by the most common of aphrodisiacs...
Mutual loathing and disdain.
May I remind you that both of those are feelings?
And having any feelings for Chuck
is where the problems always start.
There are about as many feelings between me and Chuck
as there are thoughts in Levi johnston's head.
We're nothing more than enemies with benefits.
And quite a lot of judgment
coming from you, Elizabeth Taylor.
You're about one inappropriate relationship away
from the guinness book.
Colin and I actually had a very good talk this morning,
and he wants a real relationship, too.
Yes, I hear the 97th street transverse
is a lovely spot to drive past on a date.
I saw you get in that cab.
We happen to be going away this weekend
so we can get to know each other like a normal couple
while still adhering to our rules, of course.
Please. Do you forget what happens to you on vacations?
There's a reason why you never get a tan line.
You have no willpower.
And you do?
Yes. I stopped having meaningful sex with Chuck,
and I can just as easily stop having meaningless sex with him.
In fact, I am going to call him right now and make it clear
that our little dalliance is finished forever.
And maybe you should follow my example
before you get your passport stamped again.
(Knock on door)
Hey.
This how you return phone calls now?
I went to Juliet's apartment this morning,
and it turns out she doesn't live there. She never has.
What?
Look, I'm sorry, Vanessa.
I should've believed you when you said she set you up.
Juliet's a liar.
She's been lying to me this whole time.
Finally! Took someone long enough.
But seriously, I-I appreciate you telling me.
Enough to help me find out what she's hiding?
Let me see... writing a paper on Hannah arendt
or a secret mission that might help me clear my name?
Let me grab my bag.
All right.
Why do you have mad face? Is everything okay?
No, it's not okay. You should know better.
I think I missed something.
I didn't. I saw you this morning
getting out of a cab with Colin forrester.
Are you having an affair with your professor?
Well, technically, he's a guest lecturer,
and, no, it's not an affair because we agreed
not to do anything until the semester's over.
It's romantic.
What would be romantic
is him actually making a sacrifice for you.
What are you saying?
When we were together, I would've done anything for you.
So if this billionaire really cares about you,
then why can't he quit teaching, take you on a date?
(Scoffs)
You're worth more than a guest lecturer fee.
Everyone knows that. I just wish you did.
Sex in the limo.
We've literally come full circle.
You're right. We need to do whatever we can to end this.
It may be difficult, but... it's the only way.
(Sighs)
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
(Panting)
Arthur, we need to pick up some klug du mensil '95...
And lots of condoms.
It's going to be a long day of immersion therapy.
If Blair and I are going to end this,
we'll have to have sex as many times as we can
in the next 24 hours. (Sighs)
(Elevator bell dings)
Dorota, you have to keep me away from Chuck
for the next 24 hours, no matter what.
But, miss Blair...
Don't "miss Blair" me!
The only way to be done with this thing once and for all
is to have a bass-ectomy. Now help keep me occupied.
(Sighs)
Hey. I was just on my way to your office.
Look, I've been thinking...
Think no more. We're about to go on vacation.
We leave tomorrow morning. At least I do.
What do you mean?
I'm on a 9:00 A.M. flight, and you'll be on the 11:00.
Separate flights?
We'll meet at the pink sands. Your room's under your name.
I always book mine under "buffett."
Uh-oh. I can tell you're thinking again.
Yeah, I'm just thinking
maybe this trip isn't such a great idea.
Okay. Fine. We won't go anywhere.
We'll just go back to waiting, tough it out.
But we shouldn't have to. We say we want a real relationship,
but the truth is
neither one of us is willing to make a sacrifice.
I'm confused. We both knew the deal going in.
What's changed?
I did, I guess.
I don't know. Maybe we're not such a great idea.
What happened when you got out of the cab?
We both know that this is just a case of bad timing.
I'm just the first one to say it.
I'm sorry.
I was surprised you called.
I really thought you never wanted to talk to me again.
'Cause you broke up with me
doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?
(Cell phone alert chimes, vibrates)
Sorry. Chuck's asking where the batteries are.
Okay, now I know you're lying.
I wish I knew when you were.
It would've saved me a lot of time now, wouldn't it?
Nate, what's going on here?
I should be asking you that.
I went to your apartment today,
and they said you don't live there, okay.
And I thought for sure I was done giving a damn about you,
but I just can't let it go.
I mean, why... why do you need to lie about everything?
Because I didn't want you to see where I really live.
My actual apartment is a studio on 126th street,
and I...
I couldn't even afford that if it weren't for my cousin.
He pays for my rent, my tuition,
and the rest of the stuff, I scrape together
or... return...
When I can, okay?
So that's what you've been hiding? That... that you're...
Poor?
Do you really think
I would've been keymaster of Hamilton house if people knew
I took Metro north to woodbury common twice a month?
Or that I do my own hair?
And would Nate Archibald
really have wanted to date me if he knew I lived
above a bodega in a fifth floor walk-up
with fluorescent lights and Ikea furniture I put together myself?
When my dad went to jail, I had nothing, okay?
So I know... I know what it's like to feel the need to keep up.
I'm sorry I lied to you. I was ashamed.
And that's the reason I broke it off between us,
because I... I didn't want to get too close.
But I did really like you,
and I still like you.
I should probably get going...
No, no, no, no. Wait. Wait.
You... (Chuckles) Finally told me the truth,
and I'm a big believer in second chances.
I've had a couple in my life.
There's the, uh, winter opening
for the New York City ballet tonight.
Would you wanna come?
Maybe wear a dress that you actually own,
even if it's from woodbury common?
Yes, I would love to.
Thank you for understanding.
You can't even imagine how much it means to me.
(Lock turns)
(Cell phone alert chimes)
(Snaps cell phone shut)
(Click)
They say a picture's worth a thousand words.
But in this case, it seems like
there's only three letters to adequately describe
these pictures... O.M.G.
(Sighs deeply)
(Cell phone rings)
(Ring)
(Beep)
(Box thuds)
Dorota!
(Sighs deeply)
Blair, is there something we need to talk about?
This is no cause for concern, Serena.
I know I said I was quitting Chuck, and I am.
It's just a bit harder to Chuck Chuck than I thought.
What if I need sex rehab like Jesse James?
You're gonna overcome this,
maybe because I overcame my obstacle today.
I showed some willpower, and I broke up with Colin.
Good for you.
For once, you're thinking with your brain and not with your...
Macaroon?
If he really wanted to be with me,
all he needed to do was just drop the class.
It was a class that he didn't want or need to teach anyway.
You are Serena Van Der Woodsen. You deserve a guy
who would move mountains to be with you if he had to.
I've been thinking about that all day.
And you're Blair Waldorf.
Fortitude is your talent. Stay strong.
I'll see you at the ballet. Gotta go make a call.
(Sighs)
(Cell phone rings)
(Ring)
(Beep)
Thank you for letting me come by.
I just... I wanted to let you know in person that
I heard what you said about Ben, and I'm taking your advice.
I'm cutting off all communication with him.
Glad to hear it. What changed your mind?
There's this guy that I like,
and I broke up with him because Ben wanted me to.
And now this guy, Nate... He wants to try again.
And I can't say no to a second chance.
It's just... (Sighs) It's so hard giving up on Ben.
I mean, you remember what he was like before?
He was so optimistic, idealistic.
I mean, the day he became a teacher
was the happiest day of his life.
And I guess I just... I still see him like that.
I know, but he's not that person anymore.
He's a 26-year-old convict
who still hasn't taken responsibility for his actions.
He's not gonna be able to move on
until he accepts what happened.
I guess I don't want to accept it either.
But I have to.
I have to stop talking to him for my own good.
Thank you.
Sometimes you have to let things go
so there's room for better things to come into your life.
Well put.
Your words. "Winner!" Chapter three.
Those were my words, weren't they?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
(Sighs)
(Gasps) What are you doing here?!
Step any closer, and I'll scream.
You better believe you will.
If we're going to end this, we have to start
the immersion therapy right away.
What are you talking about? This is a detox.
We have to stay away from each other.
Where's the fun in that?
Cleanses aren't fun. They're effective.
You know what's even more effective? Excess.
Eat anything too much, and you won't want it again.
I hope you did your yoga. This could go on a while.
(Exhales deeply)
(Door opens)
No!
Miss Blair, no!
Professor forrester is downstairs.
What? Why?
He's here for me as my date.
A date?
Yes, and I must leave now
to go to the ballet with him
and not have sex with you. (Gasps)
If kgb can't get me to talk, Chuck bass has no chance.
(Cell phone rings)
(Ring)
Hey.
Hey. What are you doing tonight?
I got a hot date with some grimaldi's and Netflix. Why?
Well, I ended it with Colin.
Oh, you did? That's terrible.
No, you were right about him, so it's actually good.
But DVDs and pizza, really?
What, you got a better offer?
How do you feel about ballet?
Watching or performing?
Meet me at the Lincoln center fountain
in an hour, and we'll discuss both after.
Okay, I'll be there.
Blair. Is Serena here?
No, but the better question is, why are you here?
I came to my senses and did what I should've done weeks ago.
I called the Dean and told her I am done teaching at Columbia,
even managed to find a replacement.
Just when I had written you off...
Well, not "just." I kind of wrote you off weeks ago.
Sorry. But now you're coming with me.
We're gonna go find Serena
so you two unfairly genetically blessed people
can be together, and I can escape
the best sex of anyone's life based solely on principle.
And if anyone asks, you're my date.
(Chuck) Blair!
Hurry. There's a bass on the loose, and it's hungry.
Actually... (Sighs)
So am I. (Crunches)
(Keys jangle)
(Lock clicks)
(Gasps) Vanessa! What...
How did you know that I...
That you live here?
I saw you check into Ollie's a lot on foursquare,
so I paid the delivery man to give me your address,
and slipping some cash to your super got me in your door.
You should probably move to a safer neighborhood.
Why would you break into my apartment?
Because I was looking for something to prove to everyone
that you're the crazy liar that I know you are.
And, well, mission accomplished.
And then I found this.
Please, you don't understand.
Juliet, I'm sorry I didn't believe you
when you said Serena sent the e-mail.
You were right. She was trading sex for grades all along.
But don't worry. Your secret is safe with me.
I'm far more interested in exposing Serena Van Der Woodsen
than some petty class pretender.
Thanks, I guess,
but I don't plan on showing those pictures to anyone.
Why not?
You have just what you need to destroy Serena and vindicate me.
Vanessa, I am so sorry that you got dragged into this,
and I wish that I could fix it for you,
but I'm no longer interested in taking down Serena.
In fact, the only thing
that I'm doing with those photos is deleting them.
You... you... you can't be serious. You have just what you need
to show the world who Serena really is,
and you just now decide to change?
I had to make a choice, so I chose.
Fine.
It's better if we put this behind us.
(Unlocks door)
Looks like the chip on Vanessa's shoulder
just went digital.
(Man) There she is now!
(Man) Ethan! (Man) Beautiful.
(Man) Gillian!
(Crowd shouting at once, camera shutters clicking)
(The drums) ♫ if you fall asleep ♫
♫ down by the water ♫
♫ baby, I'll carry you ♫
♫ all the way home ♫
♫ if you fall asleep ♫
♫ down by the water ♫
♫ baby, I'll carry you ♫
(Gasps) Hi.
Colin, this is Gillian Murphy and Ethan stiefel
of American ballet theatre.
♫ Everybody's gotta love someone ♫
Hi. How are you, Ethan? Hi.
Excuse me. I'll, uh, I'll see you inside, yeah?
Yeah.
♫ Love you, dear ♫
Dan Humphrey at the opening night of the ballet?
Let me guess... Serena's date?
Ah, and you were last week.
Yeah.
She's probably just using you to make that Colin guy jealous,
just like she used me at Blair's.
Actually, she and Colin broke up.
Is that so?
Hi!
I don't understand. You brought Colin as your date?
Are you on a sugar high?
No. He's your date, not mine.
Shall we head inside?
♫ I'll still need you, my dear ♫
Sorry, man.
You shouldn't have thought you were any different.
I resigned from Columbia.
I don't care about being a teacher.
I care about being with you.
I can't believe you did that.
What I can't believe is how long it took me to do it.
♫ Down by the water ♫
♫ baby, I'll carry you ♫
♫ all the way home ♫
♫ if you fall asleep ♫
♫ down by the water ♫
♫ baby, I'll carry you ♫
♫ all the way home ♫
(Tchaikovsky's "dance of the swans" from "swan lake")
Blair, we need to talk, or, rather, not talk.
What don't you get? I'm here with a date.
Professor forrester isn't a date. He's a distraction.
Keep your focus. Give in to your desires, your needs.
Let's finish this the right way.
Colin isn't a distraction. You are.
What?
He and I made a deal.
We couldn't be together until the class was over,
but it's so hard.
So I had to work out my desires somewhere.
Nice try.
I'll be waiting in a telephone booth
across from the dress circle.
See you in five.
(Indistinct conversations)
Help yourself, sir.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Opening night of the ballet... Tuxedos, champagne.
Of course you'd be here.
Just a heads-up, Serena's here,
Blair, Chuck, the whole gang.
The person I'm here to see is Dean reuther.
She's a big supporter of the ballet.
I-I assume she's around here somewhere.
Everyone your own age is mad at you,
so you're befriending the Dean?
Juliet was right about Serena.
She's having an affair with her professor.
How do you know that?
I found pictures of Serena and Colin forrester
at Juliet's apartment.
What? Juliet took photos of Serena?
And now everyone will know the truth.
Vanessa.
Don't do that.
Why? For Serena?
Sorry, Nate.
Dan, wait.
I think I've waited enough. Tell me something, Serena.
How... how far down the list did you get
before you called me to be your date?
I mean, obviously, you couldn't come with Colin
since he's your professor, and Nate was last week's beard.
So... so what does that make me? Bachelor number three?
I didn't know Colin was coming.
I also didn't know that he quit his job to be with me.
Okay. So what now?
Why do I even ask?
♫♫
(Indistinct conversations)
(Glass clinks)
(Peter Martins) Thank you, all, for coming to tonight's benefit,
kicking off the winter season of the New York City ballet.
Tonight's program is dedicated to the late George balanchine,
a true pioneer in the world of dance
and the founder of this great organization,
and a good friend of mine.
(Crowd chuckles)
Hear, hear!
(Crowd) Hear, hear.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Dean reuther, hi.
Oh... my...
Vanessa Abrams, is that you?
My apologies, Dean.
I haven't seen this one since... exeter! (Laughs)
Mm! (Chuckles)
No problem, Ms. Sharp. Have a nice evening.
You, too.
Exeter? Seriously?
What are you doing here? And why were you talking to the Dean?
Maybe because you aren't.
I gave you back your camera, but I kept the memory card.
Hey, I thought we decided not to do anything with that.
No, you decided.
I've been losing to Serena for three years,
watching her get away with anything and everything,
and I'm over it.
Tell you don't feel the same way.
I mean, there's obviously a reason you took these photos.
Yeah, there was, but I had a change of heart.
If you're doing this because of Nate,
then you should know the truth. He set you up.
How do you think he took you to coffee out of the blue?
He kept you occupied while I searched your apartment.
And I, uh, told Nate about the photos.
And I'm pretty sure he's filling in Blair right now.
Face it. At the end of the day, you're an outsider just like me.
And if it's ever between one of us and Serena Van Der Woodsen,
they will always choose Serena.
Excuse me, Dean reuther.
I have something that you need to see.
Put on your toe shoes, Serena.
It's gonna be hard to dance your way out of this one.
Is having an affair with her professor.
Ms. Sharp, I am here with friends.
This is the one night of the year
where I get to try and put everything else out of my mind
and just enjoy myself.
Dean reuther, may I please have a moment with you?
(Sighs) Of course you're involved with this, Ms. Waldorf.
I told you and Ms. Van Der Woodsen
to try and stay off my radar.
Dean reuther, I'm not lying.
What's going on?
Nothing that concerns you, professor,
or concerns anyone for the moment.
Actually, it does concern Colin.
He's the one in the photos with Serena.
Is that why you resigned your position today?
While it's true that I resigned
because of my involvement with a student,
it's nobody's business who that student is.
All that matters is that the responsibility is mine,
and I took it by leaving my post.
That's somewhat admirable, Colin.
And while usually it's the professor
in the student-professor relationship
that takes responsibility for any impropriety,
if that student is under suspicion
of trading sex for grades in the past,
I think we might need to examine the situation
a little more closely.
Oh, let me get my camera.
Here. Look as close as you want.
Oh, let me help you with that. Oops.
You didn't want to look at those photos anyway
because it wasn't Serena in them.
It was me.
Blair, you don't have to do this.
Why would I jeopardize my college career by lying?
So go ahead, fire Colin. Oh, wait. He already quit.
So let's just go in and enjoy some jetés.
Allegro!
If I could say something,
I, for one, completely corroborate Ms. Waldorf's story.
She was indeed having an affair with professor forrester.
I know this because I keep tabs
on everyone Blair sees and talks to,
due to my... Insatiable jealousy.
Though she did state something to the effect
that he didn't quite satisfy her like I used to.
It's true.
Don't you see?
They're all protecting each other.
This is what they always do.
I'm sorry. Who are you?
Ms. Sharp, the reality is
that with no proof,
I can't tell who is telling the truth.
Yeah, well, there was proof, until Blair drowned it.
(Bell chimes)
Juliet, I don't like tattletales much more
than I like young women who use their sexuality
to further their academic careers.
So if you will please excuse me,
I'm going to try my best to enjoy this performance,
which, hopefully, is a little more graceful
than the one I've just seen. Good evening.
(Indistinct conversations)
Excuse me, Serena.
You took photos of me?! What the hell were you thinking?!
You should've never gotten involved
with Serena Van Der Woodsen in the first place.
I tried to warn you.
Oh, yeah, you really had my back.
I always knew Ben would eventually turn you against me,
but I never thought you would do something like this.
It's not that simple. I never meant to hurt you.
In this case, the only person you hurt is yourself,
because starting now, you are completely cut off.
As far as I'm concerned. You are as dead to me as your brother.
Colin!
Now it's our turn.
(Chuck) Your obsession with Serena has grown tiresome.
Just because you have no money and delusions of grandeur
does not make it okay for you to be a single white trash female.
Nate, this isn't me. You know that.
Why would I ever believe anything you say again?
Well, you can believe the part where she does her own hair.
You tried to destroy my friendship with Blair,
my reputation, my academic career.
You failed every time, and now it's time for you to go.
I'm trying to.
He's talking about Columbia.
You don't belong there anyway.
If we catch you hanging around again,
there will be consequences.
And we're really good at payback.
Spotted... One ugly duckling exiled.
Let's hope she doesn't turn into a black swan.
I am so sorry about everything.
I had no idea just how troubled Juliet was.
Oh, there's no way you could've seen it.
She didn't like me before you and I met... or she and I met.
She was always jealous of mine and Nate's past.
And when she found out I was seeing you...
It was the last straw.
But I just don't understand why she would hurt you, though.
I mean, you guys are family.
And from what Nate said, she owes you a lot.
Well, it makes more sense than I'd like it to.
Our family history is... Pretty complicated.
But what I will never get
is how easy it is for some people
to throw away everything that's good just to settle a score.
(Laughs) Well, hang around the Upper East Side
a little longer, and you'll see it all the time.
I'm willing to take my chances if you are.
Oh.
When I met you, I was running away from someone.
I'm sorry that I ran right into you.
I'm sorry you gave up teaching for me. I feel awful.
(Laughs) To be honest, I was never any good.
I hate using a red pen...
Stop it.
And lecturing in front of kids wearing pajamas
is borderline degrading.
So what are you gonna do?
Oh, get back to doing what I do well... being a businessman.
No relationships, no roots. Just...
Work.
That's a horrible idea. You're a good person.
Someone deserves to have you do more
than just put them in a cab.
Good luck, Serena.
Thank you.
(Kisses)
(Door opens)
(Sighs)
(Beeping)
Hey, Dan, I don't know where you are right now,
but I just got back to my place,
and I was wondering if we could meet.
(Beeps)
I...
Sorry. Um, anyway...
I'll wait outside for you.
Would it be cheesy of me to say "for however long it takes"?
Bye. (Chuckles)
(Beep)
(Serena) Would it be cheesy of me to say
"for however long it takes"? Bye.
(Automated female voice) End of messages.
Serena. Hey.
Nate. Hey, what are you doing here?
I've just been walking around, trying to clear my head
after everything that happened tonight.
I think it would take more than just a walk for that.
You know, when, um...
We had that fight at fashion's night out,
you were right.
It was... it was Juliet that made me turn on you
when you got back from Paris.
You know, I can't help but wonder
what would've happened if it weren't for her.
You know, maybe things would be different now.
Different?
The two of us, we've been through so much together.
And I just... God, I really miss you.
Just give me a second chance.
I won't let you down.
Sometimes in life, we hit a crossroads...
And are forced to choose which path we want to take.
There's nothing I love more
than coming home with a victory under my belt.
What do you think our count is?
For us, a million. The world... zero.
Sometimes I think a takedown's better than sex.
Don't get crazy now.
Well, it's an endorphin rush.
Plus it makes me think of old times.
I really appreciate you stepping up tonight.
I wanted to say you owe me,
but for some reason, didn't feel right.
Wow. Holding back from a threat.
It's almost like something a friend would do.
Maybe that's because that's what we are... friends.
(Kendal Johansson's "blue moon" playing)
Well, who knew it'd take tons of hate sex and a public takedown
for us to finally get here?
I should be going.
Good night, Waldorf.
Same to you, bass.
♫ Let me be your one light ♫
♫ and if you'd like a true heart ♫
And there's no way of knowing
if our journey will lead us to pleasure
or to pain.
♫ In the dark ♫
Hi. Um, I'm Juliet sharp.
You... you don't know me, but a friend of ours thinks
that we share mutual enemies on the Upper East Side, and, well,
I could really use some help from the inside right now.
(Laughs) This... this is so weird.
You... you probably think I'm crazy.
(Laughs)
Uh, well, if you are, I'm sure they made you that way.
Believe me, I know from firsthand experience.
Uh, what exactly did you have in mind?
♫ You're mine, and I'll be... ♫
Once we've made our choice, there's no turning back.
Watch out, Upper East Side.
I think this could be
the beginning of an ugly friendship.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.