Into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. (Whispers) Take me now.
Why?
To prove that nothing matters.
That's not the Blair I want.
What are you doing with this insect? Having the time of my life, thank you.
(Hazel) Serena is in "women's wear daily." (Penelope) With Poppy lifton.
Remember when we were Savannah and Svetlana.
I totally forgot about Savannah and Svetlana. Svetlana.
Andrew got caught in a riptide.
Yeah, if we had known, we wouldn't have even bothered you.
Is it over? We've already lost one son. We weren't losing another.
So you excited for Nate's big adventure this summer?
He told you about our backpacking trip? I was talking about
the internship at the mayor's office. (Nate) I should go.
Wait. Stay.
And who am I?
That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.
Mornings are simply more fun on the Upper East Side.
Our favorite things to wake up to... the sun in the sky,
the nikkei on the rise
and a wake-up call from your latest lover
or your best friend. (Blair) Again, Serena?
Good. You're up. Yes, I'm up, just like I was up yesterday
and the morning before that.
Well, after the whole carter/chuck thing,
you can't blame me for wanting to check in on you.
And as much as I appreciate the concern, s.,
my downward spiral is on the upturn.
I'm at home in my p.J.S, eating French toast
with Dorota. (Tires screech, horn honks)
(Man) Come on! What was that?
Get off the phone! Dorota has a cold.
Dorota, I told you not to use your handkerchief at the table.
It's disgusting.
Oh, it sounded like a car horn. It must have been on my end.
Where are you?
I'm on 73rd and Madison, headed to via quadronno
to get some pastries for our new-family breakfast.
Well, uh, if I wasn't so full on French toast,
I would ask you to bring me one. See you at school. And tell Dorota to feel better.
(The handcuffs) ♫ my baby has a baby boombox ♫
I have here in my hands my first fan letter.
What, did you write it yourself?
No. No. "The new yorker" forwarded it to me.
Some kid read my story. He loved it.
Sent me his own story. I mean, he wants my opinion.
But I figured it'd be good practice for Yale
since they make you do a crit with your classmates. Oh, a fan that gives homework. Lovely.
Mm. What's this? It's my entry packet from Yale. It came, too.
There's just a couple of forms for you to fill out,
and then we're done. Look at us. Everything's working out.
You're in Yale and Jenny might actually make it to 16.
That was a little touch-and-go there for a while. Yes, but I still have 24 hours to mess up, so...
Uh, dad, I don't smell coffee.
Yeah, and the waffle iron is cold.
Oh, yeah. Lily's doing breakfast today.
She wants to talk to us. Ominous.
Or delicious. I mean, do you know how many types of jam
they have there? Come on. We're gonna be late.
A lot.
Hey. (Dan) I'll be there in a second.
Would you care to read my fan letter in person?
As happy as I am for you, I'm a little freaked out.
I gave Nate a week to call, and he hasn't. Well, if I remember right,
you left him alone at a party where he was being honored. Which I feel terrible about.
I just wish he would give me a chance to apologize. Oh, he will, when he's ready.
(Cell phone alert chimes)
Oh.
Okay.
Did you just set me up?
What do you mean? Nate just sent me an e-mail.
He wants me to meet him at his place in a half-hour.
Really? Well, that... I mean, I was just winging it,
but that's good.
(Poppy) Serena!
Hi!
Poppy. Oh, my gosh. Hey. Oh, it's so good to see you.
I was beginning to think
we weren't running in the same circles anymore.
It's been so long. Cute coat. Oh, thanks. You... you look great.
I love your hair and your tan. Oh, we just got back from Spain.
"We"? Yeah, me and my new boyfriend Gabriel.
He's so wonderful, Serena. You'd love him. I-I'd love to meet him.
You should.
But we're only in town for 48 hours, though.
Gabriel had to come in for business,
but we're gonna fly right back to costa brava
on Sunday morning. So what about you? What's new?
Seeing anybody? Uh, yeah. Dan and I got back together,
but then we broke up again.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And your friend... What's her name? Blair?
Yeah. How's she doing?
Uh, good now. There was this thing between us,
but then we worked it out, so... Wow. Well, it sounds like everything's exactly the same
as it was last time I saw you.
Makes catching up easier, though, right? (Chuckles) Yeah. I-I'm throwing a party this weekend.
Really? Oh, what's the occasion? Not that you need one.
Oh, it's... it's for a friend. It's for her sweet 16.
Oh. That's... sweet.
Yeah. Uh, you should come.
Yeah. I'll, um, I'll have to check my schedule,
but I'll let you know. Yeah. Please... please do.
Okay.
Well, um, have fun with your little party,
and, um, just take care of yourself, okay?
(Dan) Lily, I can't believe you made us breakfast. (Sizzling)
Oh, I just toasted some bagels and fried some bacon. And bought jam.
Oh, really, it's no big deal.
Well, if you turned on a burner, lil, it's a big deal. Mwah. Mwah.
You are really committed to making this family work.
I'm proud of you, mom. Aw. Thank you.
Oh, Charles, are you staying for breakfast?
I have an appointment. What does Chuck bass do at 8:00 A.M.?
It's not like you work out. I do my cardio in the evenings.
Morning is for business, for which I am late.
So if you'll excuse me... Does this feel like a sitcom to anybody else?
It feels like a reality show. Good. So I can vote you off.
(Elevator bell dings) (Scoffs) It would almost be scary
if it wasn't wearing plaid. Um, wait, wait.
You guys didn't start without me, did you? Hey.
You didn't tell her yet. No.
(Jenny) What? Tell me what? Well, we wanted to tell you in person, all of you.
We are planning a sweet 16 party for you here, tomorrow night. Fantastic caterer and beautiful flowers.
D.j., the perfect guest list.
We wanted it to be a surprise, though.
We heard you had one of those last year,
and it didn't go so well. (Mouth full) Oh, Jenny cake.
Well, that's why this year, I was more than happy
to delegate to people who know better.
(Rufus) So what do you think?
Uh... wow. I...
(Chuckles)
You're not excited?
No, I am. I totally am.
But...
Okay, look, last year,
I would have killed for a party like this.
But this year, I-I don't know.
Things just... things just seem different. Like... like, okay,
I was just kind of hoping that it would be us
and Vanessa and Jonathan, and then I don't even...
Maybe those two girls from my chem class
who didn't light my hair on fire that one time.
I'm sorry. Is that okay? Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, well, maybe you should just try the cake first. Of course it's okay. It's your birthday.
It's whatever you want. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not a problem.
I'll... I'll just... I'll cancel. I'm thinking my famous chili.
Maybe some board games.
Yeah. Yeah.
Um, but really, thank you so much for thinking of me.
It means a lot.
Um, I'll just go cancel the caterer.
(Dan) I should probably get to school.
(Sets plate down) (Jenny clears throat)
(Jenny and Dan speaking indistinctly)
(Elevator bell dings)
I don't understand why she wouldn't want it.
Every culture in the world
has some version of a sweet 16 party.
It's like a universal rite of passage.
Well, since she got back to constance,
Jenny hasn't exactly made a lot of friends.
You know, downsizing the party might have something to do
with the fear that no one will show up.
Serena.
Word is out that your party went from 60 to zero
in the last hour. (Chuckles) We knew you'd accept defeat gracefully.
What are you talking about?
You canceled Jenny's party to move off Penelope's date.
Penelope's having a party tomorrow night?
Since when?
Since always. We were all going, but at least now
we don't have to pretend to feel bad about missing yours.
(Isabel) Hey, p. Hey, girls. How excited are you about the party? I cannot wait.
Spotted... s. Learning the answer to the age-old question,
"what if you were throwing a party and no one cared?"
When that happens, don't cancel... (Beeps)
Poppy, hey. It's Serena.
You know that party I was telling you about?
I was hoping we could meet up. I need your help.
Make them eat cake.
(Speaks inaudibly)
I see you got the e-mail I sent from Nate's account.
His password has been "soccer" since the fifth grade.
Look, Blair leaves his place at this time every morning.
When you're ready to do something about it,
you know where I am.
And when you're not from the Upper East Side,
sometimes morning is just the start to a very bad day.
Isn't that a bit "been there, done that, got dumped twice"?
Nate and I are purely platonic.
I've seen you leave his place in the morning.
Oh, of course you're stalking me.
You know, if you were any good at it,
you would know I bring him breakfast.
We're just friends. We haven't shared so much as a kiss, even.
Friends?
That makes total sense.
There's no spark between you two, never was.
You're like a green twig and a soggy match,
a rusty hammer and an icy nail.
Nate and I have... Had plenty of spark.
Better than that... fireworks. That was us.
Chuck...
Don't act like I didn't fight for you.
I did... hard, and for a long time.
So please,
forgive me if now that we're over, I'm exhausted.
So what, you're with Nate because it's easy?
I'm not with Nate.
But if I was, what's wrong with easy?
Maybe it's easy because it's right.
Oh, really? Is that why Nate is so reluctant
to break things off with Vanessa?
You do know they're still dating, right?
♫♫
Try this.
(Man) ♫ someone's got to tell me about the... ♫
Oh, wow. Yeah?
Wonderful. Hey, is the, uh, Yale packet around, dad?
I just... I wanted to look at the dorms.
Oh, jeez. I-I think I left it at lil's. Sorry.
Oh, okay. That's all right. I'll just get it tomorrow.
But, uh, let me know if you two need help. Hmm.
Why did you just lie to him? The packet's right there.
Dan was denied... (Lowers voice) Financial aid at Yale.
Funds are limited,
and these days, there are a lot of other students
that need it more than we do. I'm sorry. Do you have savings?
Of course, but I-I planned
on at least part of his tuition being subsidized.
Well, um, I mean, I could help you out.
Thank you, but no. As kind as it is for you to offer,
I think I need to handle this on my own.
I just wish I had an idea.
Well, you could sell the loft, and then you'd have, um,
enough for Dan's tuition and then some.
And this is where Dan and Jenny grew up.
Besides, where would we live? On the streets?
Well... You could move in with me.
That's a big step, lil.
I know. But I always saw it as the next one for us anyway.
Are we ready for that?
Well, there's one way to find out.
Look, why don't you just talk to an agent
and see what they say?
You know what I was just thinking?
Jennifer Aniston is totally fine now.
I'm sure Brad doesn't even feel bad anymore. (Chuckles) Okay.
I mean, I'm sure that there was some collateral damage,
which is always sad, but his fate lay with Angelina,
and he knew that,
so he had the tough conversation and moved on.
This is your way of saying I should break up with Vanessa?
So me and you can... Embrace our fate.
Ah. Yes.
Okay. Well, I wasn't actually gonna tell you this
till afterwards, but Vanessa called a couple hours ago,
and she just wants to talk,
so I asked her to meet me for dinner.
But can't you just text?
No. (Chuckles)
But what if when you see her,
there's sparks or fireworks, even?
You know, they say breakup sex is... Hey, hey, hey, hey. Vanessa and I... it feels over,
and I'm sure she's gonna tell me the same thing.
Listen, I promise I'll come straight over after it's done.
On their first trip to Africa,
Brad and Angelina's lovemaking was so intense,
the guards thought they were being attacked.
Well, how about I just start by talking to Vanessa
and see where all this goes? Sound good?
Sounds great.
Okay.
(Lady gaga's "money honey" playing)
♫ damn, I love the jag, the jet and the mansion ♫
Oh, you must be Jenny. It's so nice to meet you. Oh. (Chuckles)
I'm Poppy. Hi.
Serena, I wasn't expecting any of this.
Oh, well, my mom wanted you to have your dream dress.
We thought missoni would be right,
so I brought a friend to help with the selection.
So what about that one?
(Chuckles) Well, I wish I was the kind of girl
who was having the kind of party
where I could wear this kind of dress.
I'm not, so...
I-I think... I guess I'll just... I'll just try this one.
♫♫
Hey. Thanks for meeting me.
After I saw you this morning, I felt kind of terrible.
I'm... I'm in a rut, aren't I?
Yeah. Well, a girl like you
should be on the arm of a designer
at the costume ball one day
and yachting around the Maldives the next,
not making up and breaking up with the same high school boy
and feuding with your frenemy.
(Sighs) I know.
What... what can I do?
Well, this party would be a good place to start.
Yeah, i-i-i thought that,
but Jenny is just really set on something more simple.
Any 16-year-old girl would love
the kind of party that you should be throwing...
Adult, elegant, the right notables in attendance.
And you saw the way that she looked at that dress.
She loves it. She wants a party like this.
She just needs someone to hold her hand a little.
♫♫
So... what do you think?
We like that one better.
Okay. I guess... I guess I'll just try it on.
(Laughs) (Laughs)
See? She loves it. That's all the proof you need.
You know, it's not too late.
Why don't you start making some phone calls?
(Chuckles)
♫♫
(Dials)
(Beep)
Hi. It's Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Um, I know my mom might have called you this morning,
but there's been a mistake.
The party's not canceled. It's... it's still on,
and actually, it's... it's gonna be bigger.
♫♫
Hi.
Thanks for meeting me. It's really good to see you.
I have a feeling you're not gonna like what I have to say.
Hey, don't act surprised, v.
You saw this coming. I mean, you left first.
I know, but...
I mean, I'm sure we can do something
to figure it all out, if we tried.
Okay.
Well, at least we can end things honestly, right?
Right. Because if there is someone else, you could tell me.
Probably make things easier.
This is about you and me. No one else.
Really? Yeah, really.
It's 10:30, Dorota. What took him so long?
Maybe girl from Brooklyn cry. Mr. Nate nice boy.
He wipe tears. He touch her hair. She touch his.
Dorota. (Elevator bell dings)
(Elevator doors open) Not that this ever happened to me.
It's done.
Oh!
Whoa. Don't look too happy.
Oh, right. Sorry.
Was it awful?
No. Things had come to a natural end, so...
And it had nothing to do with anyone else.
Of course. It was just about you guys.
Hey, listen. It's, um, it's getting late,
and I've had a really tough day.
So how about tomorrow, okay?
We could hang out this weekend.
(Elevator bell dings, doors open)
Pour that dom down the drain, Dorota.
Wait. Is that the '96?
What happened, miss Blair?
He kissed me on the forehead,
like chevalier kissed gigi...
(Sighs) Like he was a man, and I was a little girl.
No passion, no spark.
Maybe Chuck was right.
Maybe all Nate and I have together is just...
History.
Poor b. It's hard to turn up the heat with an old flame.
But stand back.
Someone's about to add fuel to this fire.
I have to say, I was a little surprised when you called.
That he dumped me, I can accept, but then he had the nerve
to say that there was nothing between him and Blair.
The "just friends" speech? I got it, too.
They're making fools of us.
Well, not anymore.
(Sizzling)
Mmm. (Covers pot)
(Sighs) Wow. You got a lot of board games there.
Uh, you know, we're going to a birthday party.
It's not a bomb shelter. Yeah, well, I want to have options.
Uh, do you know if Vanessa's coming? Yeah. Yeah, she and Nate broke up last night.
It seems like she's taking it pretty hard,
but, uh, she wants to come to the party, said she'd call. Okay.
(Telephone rings) Oh, and that's probably her.
Hello? (Woman) Mr. Humphrey? It's Gail from Brooklyn realty.
I wanted to schedule a time
for our appraiser to come out to your loft.
Is this a bad time?
Uh, yeah. You know, I'll call you later.
Not Vanessa?
No. You know, we should probably start getting ready.
Okay.
Wait. Back up, Blair. Nate and Vanessa broke up?
Oh, they had a falling-out after the Van Der bilt party,
hadn't spoken for a week and broke up last night.
How do you know all this? Have you dumped me for Vanessa?
No. I've just been spending a lot of time with Nate.
Oh. Where is this coming from?
What? You and Nate? After all that you've been through?
You sure it's not just because Nate's not Chuck?
I thought Chuck was my future, Nate a part of my juvenile past,
but now I'm thinking
Chuck was just something I had to get out of my system
in order to realize Nate was my destiny all along.
Well, if that's really how you feel,
then I'm happy for you.
It's not exactly like I was rooting for Chuck,
and Nate is good for you. No drama.
Nate and I have plenty of drama and sparks and fireworks.
Uh-huh. When are you getting to my party?
You mean Jenny's party.
(Knock on door)
So do you have any idea what's going on out there?
B., I gotta go. I'm sorry.
(Snaps cell phone shut) Jenny's gonna love it.
Hey, Vanya.
"Guilty: Liberal 'victims' and their assault on America"
by Ann coulter?
Dorota gave to me. She said important to know enemy.
It's okay. I read to make Dorota happy.
(Mouths words) I have to say, I'm excited.
Oh, you should be.
Dad only makes his chili on very special occasions.
Well, not just about my birthday.
I mean, of course about my birthday, but, you know,
Lily and dad and all of us together?
I don't know. Things just seem to be going really good.
Yeah. A little too good. (Elevator bell dings)
What? Since when is "good" too good?
Dan?
Uh, y-you know that phone call that wasn't Vanessa?
It was a real estate agent.
I think dad might be selling the loft.
What? No. Where would we live?
Well, I'd be at college.
I guess you and dad would be...
Moving on up to the east side,
to a deluxe apartment in the sky-y-y.
Okay, yeah, yeah, funny. First of all,
you need to stop watching so many old sitcoms on hulu,
and second, dad on the Upper East Side?
I mean, there's no way. No, we can't live up here. We're... Humphreys.
Damn straight.
(Chuckles) We grew up good. You know that?
Yeah. (Elevator bell dings)
(Hearts revolution's "dance till dawn" playing)
(Indistinct conversations)
♫♫
Okay. It looks familiar
and yet...
Not bad, little j.
What are you doing here? Once I heard Poppy lifton was coming to your party,
I canceled mine. In the last 20 minutes,
I've been hit on by two bronfmans and a gay designer.
It was so worth it. Kudos on rising from the social grave.
Speaking of graves, did something die in that pot?
It's cumin.
I liked my social grave.
I dug it myself, and I was happy to lie in it.
What's going on? Why are they here? I don't know. This chili weighs a ton, though.
I need to find a caterer.
♫♫
Jenny, hey. I didn't see you come in.
How could you with all this fabulous going on? Well done.
Happy birthday, Jenny.
Poppy, I didn't expect to see you.
Hey, uh, will you get us some drinks? (Poppy) Sure.
Well, surprised?
Confused. I mean, what is all this?
Where's my dad and Lily? They're at "Billy Elliot," fifth row center.
I-I told them that a girl only turns 16 once,
and she needs to spend it with her friends
and friends of friends. My present to you. Serena, I didn't want this.
Well, I thought you didn't want a social fiasco
where... where you planned something
and people didn't show up, but this is perfect.
I mean, Jenny, all of these people are here for you.
Patrick, hey. Uh, would you take a picture
with me and the birthday girl? Sure.
It's a birthday?
(Whispers) Excuse me.
Enjoying my party? You know, I was just saying to Jonathan
that this is a lovely, intimate family gathering.
Nothing says "Jenny Humphrey"
like a customized cocktail napkin. Mm.
(Chuckles) Eric, I don't get it.
Why would Serena hijack my birthday?
Well, I know she was trying to do something nice for you.
Maybe she just got a little carried away.
And maybe she wanted to prove to everyone
she could still throw a great party.
Well... If she wants people to know
what a great party she can throw, why not tell everyone?
(Beep)
I came to you because I wanted to do something
besides feel sorry for myself, but all it's been is
sleazy platitudes and...
You staring at my boobs.
I came up with several excellent ideas.
You just shot most of them down.
Yeah, because they all involved
leaking a chuck/vanessa sex tape to the Internet.
We don't have to leak the tape if you don't want to.
Consistent, if twisted.
(Elevator bell dings)
♫♫
(Indistinct conversations)
Why are they here?
What do we do?
Spotted... two people who should know better
and two people who don't know what hit them.
(All) Whoo!
What? No keg?
No, of course there's no keg!
Serena, who are these rowdy children?
I mean, I know Jenny's young, but this is embarrassing.
I know. I know. I'm so sorry.
Um, just give me a minute, and... and I'll figure this out.
We're leaving. You should come with. Trust me, I would love to get out of here right now,
but I think I should deal with the table dancers first.
I'll... I'll catch up with you later. Well, do try, for your own good.
Yeah.
(Laughs)
Jenny. Jenny, please help me get rid of these party crashers.
Um, they're not crashing, Serena. I invited them.
Well, you have your guest list, and I have mine.
Yeah, but... but this can't be what you want.
Like you care what I want. Jenny, I genuinely thought that when you got off the elevator,
you would be thrilled, and if you weren't,
then I'm sorry, but you should have just said something. Serena, I did, at breakfast, and you clearly...
Serena, um... It's fine. Jenny and I are just having our first fight.
There are strangers having sex in your bed. (Under breath) Oh, my god.
(Eric) Oh.
Wait. Did you get that out of my mother's closet?
The word he used was, uh, uh, "haunting,"
"a haunting sense of immediacy."
I love that. Oh. Yeah, he's... He's a smart guy, my fan.
He's a good writer. He's a good writer. Dan, help.
Well, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Well, I need you to be in the middle
of something else.
Where'd your boyfriend go?
We're not a couple.
It's just physical.
I'll take your word for it.
But listen, whatever's going on between you two,
just make sure Chuck
doesn't talk you into doing something you regret.
Whatever's going on with Chuck wasn't his idea. It was mine,
and least he doesn't pretend to be one thing,
when really he's another.
You said there was no one else. There's not.
Blair's my friend. Nothing's happened between us.
Well, not yet.
But he's telling you the truth.
Nate's a good guy.
If you'd have seen that, maybe you'd still be together.
Now that he's free, who knows what will happen?
Exactly. We don't know. We're just hanging out. Sure, that's what people do at parties, hang out.
But later, when we're alone... Blair...
(Lowered voice) We'll talk about it. What is there to talk about?
Okay, do you guys want to have this conversation
somewhere else, alone? Why are you still standing here?
Blair, what are we doing in here?
You're not leaving this room until we find out
once and for all if we're really just friends.
Well, don't just stare at me. Do something.
Blair, stop acting like me being your friend
is some kind of plot to humiliate you, okay?
Did you ever think that maybe
things didn't work out between us
because we weren't friends?
You're right, Nate.
This week, you've become my friend.
It's amazing,
and I've never wanted to kiss my friend so much in my life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We're at a party full of people in Chuck's room,
and he and Vanessa are right behind the wall.
That doesn't excite you?
Blair...
(Sighs)
Don't.
Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair.
(Laughter)
They have been in there for a while.
What if all we did is push 'em closer together? You just need to relax
and trust in the power of our overwhelming sexual chemistry
to drive a wedge between them.
♫♫
Go intercept him.
♫♫
It looks like that went well.
You wanted to be more like Blair Waldorf?
Well, congratulations. You succeeded.
Poor v. Nobody gets what they want
without losing something they love,
like their integrity.
(Girl) Whoo!
Stains. Ooh. Ew! Gross!
(Laughs) (Laughs) I can't believe Jenny would turn
a sophisticated soiree into a teenage rager.
Well, you did turn her scrabble and sloppy Joe party
into a sophisticated soiree, so... you know,
not that the punishment exactly fits the crime.
Well, maybe on some entirely subconscious level,
I was thinking of myself.
Well, yes, it... it may have been somewhat conscious,
but I don't know.
My... my life has just felt so normal lately.
Getting back together with you and breaking up again,
fighting with Blair and then not...
It just... it all felt so high school. Well, we are in high school,
at least for a little while longer.
Old people seem oddly nostalgic for this time in their lives.
Is it gonna make me sound like my dad
if I say that you have the rest of your life
to throw these fabulous society parties,
but this might be the last opportunity you have
to roust naked strangers from making love on your mattress?
Actually, you know, it sounds a lot like college. (Laughs)
Serena, we have a problem.
How was I supposed to know that if I threw you
the best party of the year, you would sabotage it? How was I supposed to know how many kids would show up?
(Crowd yelling) Parasites! Hooligans! Get!
Vanya. Vanya, what's going on?
Worse than the rats, with their cell phones over and over.
It's too much. Go home!
Away, before I... (Siren blares)
(Jenny) Call the cops. Politzia.
Well, at least they scared everyone away.
(Indistinct police radio chatter)
Hi, kids.
We're home.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Okay, lil, deep breath.
Oh! Things definitely got out of hand,
but the most important thing is that the kids are okay.
Yes, well, that may be the most important thing,
but the second most important thing is the apartment...
The furniture, the... the rugs, the art, the... my closet.
I thought I recognized that dress.
Serena, how did this happen?
Mom, I admit I made a few phone calls.
If you want to punish someone for the passed hors d'oeuvres,
point the finger here. Guilty as charged.
But as far as all the people...
Oh, and you expect me to believe that Jenny was behind this?
After she had me cancel the best caterer in town
because she wanted clue and a crock-pot.
Mom, you could...
Could at least make an attempt to mask your distaste.
(Sighs)
Don't you dare leave me here to clean up this mess, Serena.
When this family was just me and Eric,
if things got out of control,
it was a pretty safe bet that it was my fault. That's true.
But as this family grows, so does the pool of suspects.
This is not my mess.
Okay, so whose mess is it?
I mean, all I did was carry the chili
and prevent teenagers from having unprotected sex.
Serena may have had her own motives and I may have helped
with the crowd situation with a few inspirational words,
but, um...
(Jenny clears throat)
But I was the one who posted the party on "gossip girl."
Look, I'm sorry, Lily,
and I'm sorry, dad.
And I don't know. Maybe Serena was just trying to be nice,
but the party that she threw was totally embarrassing.
Jenny, I don't understand.
Um, it sounds to me like what Serena put together
was... delightful.
You know, at least last year, it was my face on the cake.
And the people at my party might have hated me,
but at least they knew who I was.
I know that it's hard for you guys to understand,
but I like being me, and as crazy as it may seem,
I choose not to be a park Avenue Princess
on my birthday or any other day,
no matter what my address might be.
What are you talking about, Jenny?
The real estate agent called today.
Dad, you and Lily might want to live together,
but I'm just not ready to stop being a Humphrey.
Wait. Live together?
(Alana d.) ♫ hey, deejay, turn me out again ♫
Teenage ragers,
annoying sort of siblings, being yelled at by my mother...
This should not be my life. It doesn't have to be, sweetie.
I mean, so what if your stock took a dip in the last quarter?
Whose didn't? But that doesn't mean
you can't still turn things around. Well, then what do you suggest?
And don't say to host another party.
(Laughs) No.
Uh, well, it sounds to me like you need to get away.
Yes. Yes! Road trip.
No. I was thinking more like a private jet to Spain.
Yeah. Mm, see, even my fantasies are becoming dull.
(Laughs) Listen, Gabriel's parents' place
is insanely beautiful, and the weather and the food
and Gabriel's hot friends...
Mm. When do we leave? Tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow? Mm-hmm.
Ohh. (Exhales deeply)
I... I'm embarrassed to say this,
but I-I think I might be grounded.
Serena...
No.
I know.
Yeah, I mean, you're right.
Yeah, let's go to Spain.
To españa! To españa!
Whoo! (Clink)
Uh-oh, looks like someone's up to their old tricks,
and just in time, too.
Cuidado, españa. Here comes El problema.
(Sniffs) Ugh. I can't tell if it's chili in my pot
or if some kid threw up in here. (Covers pot)
Well, I'm just grateful I could stay here last night
and wait it out while an army of highly trained professionals
restores our home. Did you ever hear from Serena?
Yeah, she left a message saying she was sleeping at Poppy's.
Oh, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions,
been so hard on her. And Jenny should have spoken up sooner. Lil, I'm really sorry.
And so is she. I know.
I just think we might be moving a bit fast. So about moving in together...
I love the idea of our family sharing a place together.
One day.
It's gonna be complicated, to say the least.
We need to find our way
and the kids need to find theirs.
We shouldn't let circumstance
impose a time line.
I agree. But what are you gonna do about Dan and Yale?
We'll figure something out.
(Dan) Figure out what?
What do we need to figure out between me and Yale?
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Wait. Is that... is that why you were moving in with Lily?
To pay for my education?
Uh... what... what happened?
Yale has great financial aid.
Well, as of now, we're a low priority.
It's all determined by need. And I'm... I'm... We're not needy enough?
It's all relative, Dan. Well, what do we do?
Well, I've never let money get in the way
of your education before. I'm not gonna start now.
We've got some time.
And you need to stay positive about your future.
Did you call that kid who sent you a fan letter?
I bet he's dying to hear back from you. Yeah, well, I mean, it was great of him
to reach out like that, so I'll give him a call.
Dan.
We'll figure out a way.
Oh, I-I know.
I should have known it was too good to last.
(Sighs)
It's just... I was having so much fun
hanging out with a normal guy like Nate.
We may not have had the drama or the electricity,
but you know what we did have? Fun?
Yes, Dorota, fun.
Nate... he's so nice.
Being around him wasn't hard.
It didn't hurt... Until now.
I miss my friend Nate.
Maybe you get happy soon.
True.
The ducks do soothe me.
Give me my loaf.
Mr. Nate called to ask where your favorite spot...
That be where he want first kiss.
Oh.
Is it true that you brought me here?
Well, you ran off too quickly last night,
all I want to tell you
is that I do want to be with you...
Just not like that.
(Laughs)
(Indistinct conversations)
Excuse me. Do I know you?
Uh, I don't think so, no. I met you last year, around this time, actually.
You were with a friend of yours,
and you were calling yourself Savannah.
Hi. Sorry I'm late. Mmm. (Kisses)
I got refreshments for the ride. Hey! Hey! Yeah.
Did you two introduce yourselves? Uh, not exactly.
It's Serena.
I figured. Well, it's nice to meet you again. I'm Gabriel.
Oh, my god. We're gonna have so much fun.
Hold this. I gotta get my coat.
(Cell phone rings) (Woman) Scott!
(Ring) Your phone!
(Ring)
Who does, uh, Scott know in Brooklyn? (Ring)
No one. (Ring)
Hello?
Hey. Is this Scott? I'm sorry. Scott can't come to the phone right now.
Can I give him a message? Yeah, this is Daniel Humphrey.
He wrote me a letter, so, uh,
I guess if he wants to talk,
tell him he can... He can give me a call back.
Certainly. I'll pass the message along.
Okay. Thank you.
So who was it?
Scott wrote a letter to Rufus Humphrey's son.
Why would he...
He knows.
How do you delete an incoming call?
Mistakes... we all make them.
They usually start with the best of intentions,
like keeping a secret to protect someone...
Ready? I'll be just a second.
(The dears) ♫ 5:00 in the morning ♫
Or getting some distance from the person you've become. (Beeping)
♫ ...Couldn't sleep ♫
(Speaks indistinctly) (Rattling)
♫ might be inspirations ♫
♫ but it's been this way for weeks ♫ (Telephone rings)
♫ and weeks ♫
♫ and weeks and weeks ♫
♫ and weeks ♫
Sometimes we don't even know what mistakes we've made
to get us where we are...
♫ do us all a favor ♫
♫ admit thy defeat ♫
Or we figure it out just in time
to make it right again.
♫ To the back of the head, to the back of the head ♫
♫ to the back of the head ♫
But every mistake happens for a reason...
To teach you a lesson you would otherwise never learn...
You were going to leave without saying good-bye.
I knew you more like me than you were letting on.
Chuck, it's morning now, as in "cold light of,"
as in "let's pretend last night didn't happen."
We could just as easily
pretend that this didn't happen, too.
♫ Leave the hat on the bed, leave the hat on the bed ♫
And hopefully you never make that mistake again.
So we're clear?
This is just between us.
It means nothing.
What means nothing?
♫ Lights ♫
♫ off ♫
Lucky for me, that never happens.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.