1 00:00:01,672 --> 00:00:04,034 (Gossip girl) Gossip girl here... your one and only source 2 00:00:04,035 --> 00:00:06,636 into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. You must really want this. 3 00:00:06,637 --> 00:00:09,679 Yeah. Yeah, I really, really do. Where's that story of yours? 4 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:11,311 Noah shapiro at the "Paris review" 5 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,513 is looking forward to it. I-I know. I tried to write. 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,616 You'll get no letter of recommendation from me. I need a friend. 7 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,749 I'm sorry, Lily. You made your choice to be Mrs. Bass. 8 00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:24,023 You need to go do that. You're a born queen. This is your year to rule. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:28,198 Being queen is Blair's whole thing. Well, well. Look who's back on top. 10 00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:31,461 I wonder how that happened. 11 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,803 And who am I? 12 00:00:33,804 --> 00:00:37,367 That's a secret I'll never tell. 13 00:00:37,368 --> 00:00:39,539 You know you love me. 14 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:45,215 X.o.x.o., gossip girl. 15 00:00:45,216 --> 00:00:47,347 When the white tents blossom in Bryant park, 16 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,779 it can only mean one thing... Fashion week, 17 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,482 the time of year when any park ave Princess 18 00:00:52,483 --> 00:00:55,185 would trade her last Prada pochette 19 00:00:55,186 --> 00:00:56,756 for front row seats to the best shows. 20 00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,490 (Conor oberst) ♫ gone, gone from New York City ♫ 21 00:01:00,491 --> 00:01:02,432 ♫ where you gonna go with a heart that gone? ♫ 22 00:01:02,433 --> 00:01:04,164 And we hear the seating chart to Eleanor Waldorf's show 23 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,566 is being made by our very own b. 24 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,338 This art director 25 00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:11,371 just ran off with the husband of this photo editor. 26 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,773 So I sat all of "vanity fair" between them. 27 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:20,110 I figured we'd want to avoid 28 00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:22,112 than that drug-addled publicist. 29 00:01:22,113 --> 00:01:25,115 It's a blessing she was hauled off to rehab 30 00:01:25,116 --> 00:01:28,388 for stealing her son's ritalin. I'm more than happy to step in. 31 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:31,721 And you and Serena will be with me backstage, of course? 32 00:01:31,722 --> 00:01:33,563 Of course. It's our tradition. 33 00:01:33,564 --> 00:01:35,565 Now I hope you don't mind, 34 00:01:35,566 --> 00:01:38,528 but I sat the girls from school in the second row. 35 00:01:38,529 --> 00:01:40,530 Well, since they are your friends, why not? 36 00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:43,373 Besides, they'll worship you for it. I know. 37 00:01:43,374 --> 00:01:46,236 (Scoffs) 38 00:01:46,237 --> 00:01:48,808 Oh, school. 39 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,381 Another day of reading, writing and aristocrats. 40 00:01:51,382 --> 00:01:54,644 You back to invisible boy? Invisible suits me. I can go to school unshowered. 41 00:01:54,645 --> 00:01:57,217 I can forget to dress. Nobody cares. 42 00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,888 And now I have all the time in the world 43 00:01:58,889 --> 00:02:01,821 to focus on my Yale application, so... Don't you mean dartmouth? 44 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:05,425 Yeah, well, it seems that 45 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,828 wow. When's that application due? Monday. Noah shapiro's helping me choose 46 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,831 which stories to submit. Wait. What happened to that Jeremiah Harris guy? 47 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,164 Oh, yeah. He, uh, well, after he fired me, 48 00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,906 I went ahead and sent my story to shapiro anyway, 49 00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:19,809 and he... he... he loved it. That's great! Why haven't you told me any of this? 50 00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:22,172 Well, I've barely seen you. 51 00:02:22,173 --> 00:02:23,843 You're always off at your internship. 52 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,246 Hey. You have French first period. 53 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:29,649 Aren't you gonna be late? Uh. Uh, we have a sub, and he always starts late, so... 54 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:33,152 Okay. Well, I'm really late for Italian, so ciao, sorella Mia. 55 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,154 (Cell phone alert chimes) 56 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,188 (Cell phone chirps) 57 00:02:38,529 --> 00:02:41,531 Hi. Laurel? Yeah, it's me. Sorry. I got stuck in traffic. 58 00:02:41,532 --> 00:02:44,464 I'll see you at Eleanor's in five, okay? 59 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,935 (Brakes screech) 60 00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:49,339 Kiki Smith greeting you in the foyer. 61 00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:51,541 Elm and drag pulling you into the main room. 62 00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:53,343 I love that. 63 00:02:53,344 --> 00:02:55,905 And making a statement on the stairwell... 64 00:02:55,906 --> 00:02:58,748 Richard Phillips. 65 00:02:58,749 --> 00:03:00,880 Hi, mom. I borrowed your necklace. 66 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:04,183 Oh, it's stunning! Serena, do you think... It's a necklace, mom. 67 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,356 Oh, but I'm talking about the art collection. 68 00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:08,218 Isn't it just breathtaking? 69 00:03:08,219 --> 00:03:10,220 Any museum would be thrilled. 70 00:03:10,221 --> 00:03:13,223 Let's hope Bart is when he gets back from Luxembourg this week. 71 00:03:13,224 --> 00:03:14,624 It's really great, mom. 72 00:03:14,625 --> 00:03:16,626 Your art consultant has exquisite taste. 73 00:03:16,627 --> 00:03:19,769 You got in late last night. Oh, yeah. 74 00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:21,771 I had the m.O.M.A. Event with, uh, Poppy. Mm. 75 00:03:21,772 --> 00:03:25,405 We were perfect ladies, though. We sipped on sodas all night. 76 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:28,378 Oh, Poppy lifton, the socialite? Yes, they met at a charity affair the other week, 77 00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,740 and they've been attached at the hip ever since. 78 00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:33,243 Now for over here... 79 00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:35,245 Yes, the Ryan mcginley. 80 00:03:35,246 --> 00:03:39,589 Yes. Uh, something else. 81 00:03:39,590 --> 00:03:41,391 Wait. Mapplethorpe... 82 00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:43,823 Isn't that the one who took all the pictures of the naked guys? 83 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,996 Yeah. Um, not just guys. 84 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:48,498 Wait. 85 00:03:48,499 --> 00:03:50,700 Mom, did you... Well... 86 00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:57,537 You modeled for mapplethorpe? Well, I kept it a secret, 87 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,610 where you can't tell if it's a belly button or a... Well, it's very tasteful, I assure you. 88 00:04:00,611 --> 00:04:03,813 You just became the coolest mom on the Upper East Side. 89 00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:06,316 Mm. Thank you. 90 00:04:06,317 --> 00:04:09,349 Ah, the besieged queen. 91 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,951 What do you want, Chuck? To help. Your throne's in danger, 92 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:14,954 and you can't wage war on Serena without an ally. 93 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,987 You need me. There is no war. 94 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:20,430 Now that Marcus has been booted back to Brighton, 95 00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:22,432 I'm free to focus on my old life. 96 00:04:22,433 --> 00:04:25,365 Serena's just been keeping my seat warm. 97 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,967 And how do you plan on making the girls fall at your feet? 98 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,471 You going to trip them? A true monarch bestows favors. It's fashion week, 99 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,703 and I'm the only constance girl with clout. 100 00:04:33,704 --> 00:04:36,306 Ladies... 101 00:04:36,307 --> 00:04:41,311 I trust tomorrow night you won't embarrass me. 102 00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:44,584 Oh, my god. Second row seats to your mother's show? 103 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,457 Oh, my god. Those are total movie star seats. (Hazel gasps) Oh. 104 00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:50,289 Serena is in "women's wear daily"... 105 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,463 With Poppy lifton. Serena could, like, die now 106 00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:56,596 knowing that she's lived a fulfilled life. (Serena) Hey, guys. 107 00:04:56,597 --> 00:05:00,570 (Isabel) You look gorgeous in the photo. (Hazel) Oh, my gosh. Is Poppy nice? She looks so nice. 108 00:05:00,571 --> 00:05:03,333 What? Oh, gosh. I haven't even seen that. 109 00:05:03,334 --> 00:05:05,805 Blair, where are you going? 110 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:09,078 I'll just leave you to your fans. 111 00:05:09,079 --> 00:05:10,680 (Girls whisper indistinctly) 112 00:05:10,681 --> 00:05:13,312 So when can I meet her? 113 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:17,347 Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy. 114 00:05:17,348 --> 00:05:19,749 And you know what you give to everyone, Chuck? Misery. 115 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,021 There's a reason you're always out here alone. 116 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:25,024 Nate just happens to be away at his grandparents'. 117 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,557 Nate's only friends with you out of habit. 118 00:05:27,558 --> 00:05:30,360 The only person with fewer friends than you 119 00:05:30,361 --> 00:05:33,363 is Dan Humphrey, and at least his lame '90s dad likes him. 120 00:05:33,364 --> 00:05:35,805 And that's because he's something you'll never be... 121 00:05:35,806 --> 00:05:37,908 A human being. 122 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:43,913 Let me be blunt, Humphrey. These stories are no good. 123 00:05:43,914 --> 00:05:45,475 What? 124 00:05:45,476 --> 00:05:47,447 Uh, you... you... You said my last one was... 125 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,978 It wasn't bad. 126 00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:51,651 These are just more of the same. 127 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,923 (Exhales deeply) Okay. 128 00:05:53,924 --> 00:05:56,386 You sent me five stories, 129 00:05:56,387 --> 00:06:00,390 all about a sheltered young man with girl trouble 130 00:06:00,391 --> 00:06:03,032 who lives with his daddy in Brooklyn. 131 00:06:03,033 --> 00:06:05,565 You think that's gonna knock the Yale english department 132 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,867 off their tenured asses? 133 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,999 I-I just... I thought a writer 134 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,841 was supposed to write what you know. 135 00:06:11,842 --> 00:06:13,673 This is what I know. 136 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,676 Then learn something new. Get out of your comfort zone. 137 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,678 A cardinal rule of writing... 138 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,611 If your work's too safe, do something dangerous. 139 00:06:21,612 --> 00:06:23,813 I-I wouldn't know where to begin. 140 00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:27,517 Then find someone who does know. 141 00:06:27,518 --> 00:06:28,658 When I was young, 142 00:06:28,659 --> 00:06:31,661 bukowski put a shot glass on my head 143 00:06:31,662 --> 00:06:33,893 and blew it off with a pistol. 144 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,965 Find your bukowski. 145 00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:39,629 Then get back to me. 146 00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:41,971 When I said "'50s hemline," 147 00:06:41,972 --> 00:06:44,103 I meant like flirty Marilyn, 148 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,936 not long, dowdy poodle skirt. I'm so sorry, Eleanor. 149 00:06:46,937 --> 00:06:49,979 (Sighs) Fix this thing before I faint. 150 00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:52,842 Eleanor, this seating chart is weak. 151 00:06:52,843 --> 00:06:55,144 Where are all our "it" girls? 152 00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:56,916 They're there. Look. 153 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,719 Well, Kirsten Dunst? So 2007. 154 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,892 Her rehab stint barely made the radar. 155 00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:05,124 Blair says we can't get "a" -list girls 156 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,127 because our show is the same time as Marc Jacobs. 157 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,030 But those girls bring press. 158 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:13,002 Without them... 159 00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:16,105 Eleanor, Serena has some new friends. 160 00:07:16,106 --> 00:07:19,510 I bet she could help. New friends? 161 00:07:22,713 --> 00:07:25,215 (Elevator bell dings) 162 00:07:27,718 --> 00:07:29,479 It's like the plague, 163 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,621 only instead of vermin on my doorstep, 164 00:07:31,622 --> 00:07:34,023 I get the "human being." Beat it, Humphrey. 165 00:07:34,024 --> 00:07:37,987 My sister doesn't dig stalkers. Actually, as strange as it sounds, I'm here to see you. 166 00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:39,989 I-I know we don't like each other. 167 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:42,492 You think I'm a boring, sheltered nobody. 168 00:07:42,493 --> 00:07:44,564 I don't think of you. Oh, right. Of course you don't, 169 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,896 but, uh, but I've been thinking of me, 170 00:07:46,897 --> 00:07:49,038 and... and I've come to the conclusion 171 00:07:49,039 --> 00:07:51,641 that I need to get out of my comfort zone. 172 00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:54,644 I-I need to experience new things. Are you gay? 173 00:07:54,645 --> 00:07:56,506 Now that would be out of my comfort zone, but no. 174 00:07:56,507 --> 00:07:59,549 Uh, I just need to get out of Brooklyn for one night. 175 00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:02,152 I'd like to experience the world of Chuck bass. 176 00:08:04,114 --> 00:08:06,485 You're lucky I'm bored. 177 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,218 Is that a yes? 178 00:08:09,219 --> 00:08:11,892 Get in before I change my mind. 179 00:08:15,566 --> 00:08:17,567 (Elevator bell dings) 180 00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:20,970 Don't ever go to high school, Dorota. 181 00:08:20,971 --> 00:08:23,703 The girls are spoiled, stupid and ungrateful. 182 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,705 One snapshot with a socialite 183 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,037 and it's all, "Serena! Serena! Serena!" 184 00:08:28,038 --> 00:08:31,080 Have some tea. Will calm your nerves. Don't they know that without me, 185 00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,843 they'd never see the inside of a fashion tent?! 186 00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:36,746 They'd be stuck behind the barricades with p.E.T.A.! 187 00:08:36,747 --> 00:08:39,689 In fact, I will leave them outside with p.E.T.A. 188 00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:41,891 Maybe that'll teach them some manners. 189 00:08:41,892 --> 00:08:43,593 (Sighs) Something's different. 190 00:08:43,594 --> 00:08:46,596 Who put Serena and that Poppy person in the front row? 191 00:08:46,597 --> 00:08:48,197 And all these socialites? 192 00:08:48,198 --> 00:08:49,799 Someone changed this chart, 193 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,562 the chart my mother asked me to do! 194 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:53,933 Who changed it?! 195 00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:56,165 Eleanor said miss... Jenny change. 196 00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:59,008 Jenny Humphrey? 197 00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:02,612 I guess she didn't learn her lesson last year. 198 00:09:02,613 --> 00:09:05,845 Looks like someone needs a refresher course. 199 00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,877 What would fashion week be without a fashion victim? 200 00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:11,621 Looks like little j. Just started her own trend... 201 00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:14,625 Wearing a bull's-eye on her back. 202 00:09:18,128 --> 00:09:21,591 Mom. Good. You saw the changes we made to the chart. 203 00:09:21,592 --> 00:09:24,634 Aren't they marvelous? That's not quite the word I was going to use. 204 00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:27,967 Jenny had the inspired idea putting Serena 205 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,970 and Poppy lifton and their friends in the front row. 206 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:33,873 But I already told you Poppy and her crowd 207 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,875 never miss Marc Jacobs' show. 208 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,177 And Serena would never watch the show 209 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:44,013 from anywhere but backstage with me. 210 00:09:44,014 --> 00:09:45,755 Even Serena? 211 00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:49,889 Absolutely. Marc is going to eat his grunge corduroys. 212 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,793 All this thanks to little Jenny Humphrey. Ah, the girl is quite a talent. 213 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,195 She shouldered most of the workload 214 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:59,598 at the atelier this week. How did she manage that after school? 215 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,102 Jenny doesn't go to school. She's got a-a... Independent study? 216 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,205 (Snaps fingers) Independent study thing this semester. 217 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,678 A 10th grader with an independent study? 218 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:10,079 Mm-hmm. 219 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,713 I just realized I forgot a book at school. 220 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,647 (Elevator bell dings) Have fun, honey. 221 00:10:18,649 --> 00:10:21,320 You never learn, do you? Excuse me? 222 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,823 Great job ruining my seating chart. 223 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:26,395 Your seating chart? Blair, I didn't know. 224 00:10:26,396 --> 00:10:28,959 Well, now you do. 225 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,332 (Elevator bell dings) 226 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,864 (Sighs) 227 00:10:34,865 --> 00:10:38,038 ♫♫ 228 00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:43,013 (Man) Here you go. 229 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,876 (Laughs) Wow. Wow, that's cool. 230 00:10:46,877 --> 00:10:48,718 You just signal the bartender, 231 00:10:48,719 --> 00:10:50,850 and she sends over a line of shots? 232 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,982 Do you... do you have another signal if you want a Martini? 233 00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:55,885 Is... is there, like, a insider hand-signal system 234 00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:58,287 for the drunken elite? Shut up, Humphrey. 235 00:10:58,288 --> 00:11:00,329 ♫♫ 236 00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:02,992 (Man) ♫ just lose control ♫ 237 00:11:02,993 --> 00:11:05,394 ♫♫ 238 00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:07,867 I, uh, I'm good with just one. 239 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,240 You're either in for the full ride or you're out. 240 00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:13,402 What's it going to be? 241 00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:17,246 ♫ Drop, drop, drop, drop it, drop, drop, drop, drop it ♫ 242 00:11:17,247 --> 00:11:19,949 All right. Pass me the shots. 243 00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:22,752 The liquor's just a chaser. 244 00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:24,954 What is that? Does it matter? 245 00:11:24,955 --> 00:11:27,316 Go down the rabbit hole 246 00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:29,689 or go out the door. 247 00:11:41,431 --> 00:11:43,033 (Clink) 248 00:11:51,882 --> 00:11:56,145 It is so nice to finally get to meet you, Mrs. Bass. You, too, Poppy. 249 00:11:56,146 --> 00:11:59,448 Please call me Lily. Hey, mom, Poppy told me that you called her assistant 250 00:11:59,449 --> 00:12:02,451 to make arrangements for the two of us 251 00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:05,825 to go to Eleanor's show together. Serena doesn't seem to think it's such a good idea. 252 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:09,258 Blair would be furious. Things are already tense between us. 253 00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,260 And we always watch the show backstage together. 254 00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:14,433 You know that, mom. I know you did that when you were 12, 255 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,936 but it is an honor to sit in the front row, 256 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,039 and Eleanor specifically requested you. It is the only way to see a show, Serena. 257 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,941 Yeah, but you don't know Blair. 258 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,074 She would never forgive me, ever. Okay, we'll do Eleanor's show, 259 00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:28,347 and then when we go to the Marc Jacobs after party, 260 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:31,520 your friend Blair can come along. I have extra passes! See, that is a wonderful idea. 261 00:12:31,521 --> 00:12:34,824 Oh. Uh, she might be okay with that. (Cell phone ringing) 262 00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:38,027 I'll ask her. Oh, sorry. Forgive me, girls. I have to take this call. 263 00:12:38,028 --> 00:12:41,230 It's my art dealer. Did you find the photo? 264 00:12:41,231 --> 00:12:43,762 It can't have already sold. 265 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,296 The auction's not until next week. 266 00:12:47,297 --> 00:12:49,768 Okay, well, find out who bought it 267 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,241 and make them a better offer. 268 00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,904 (Knock on door) (Beep) 269 00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:02,081 Blair, what could we have done to deserve a visit from you? 270 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,013 I heard Jenny wasn't feeling well, 271 00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:06,555 so I brought her some chicken soup. 272 00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,417 That's thoughtful of you. 273 00:13:08,418 --> 00:13:11,120 Uh, but I think you have the wrong information. 274 00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:13,823 You mean Jenny's not sick? 275 00:13:13,824 --> 00:13:15,995 That's strange. 276 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,827 When I ran into headmistress queller, 277 00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:19,999 she told me Jenny Humphrey hadn't been to school 278 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,832 in ten days due to a bad case of mono. 279 00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:25,804 Apparently, her mother called to make sure the school knew. 280 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,978 You know that Jenny's working with your mom tonight. 281 00:13:28,979 --> 00:13:30,980 I also know that you don't have 282 00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,982 my daughter's best interests at heart. 283 00:13:32,983 --> 00:13:35,985 Whatever my motives may be, Mr. Humphrey, facts are facts, 284 00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:38,988 and the fact is, Jenny hasn't been to school in two weeks. 285 00:13:38,989 --> 00:13:40,389 I happen to have 286 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:43,252 headmistress queller's home number in my phone. 287 00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:45,425 Why don't you ask her yourself? (Cell phone beeps) 288 00:13:47,357 --> 00:13:50,529 You know, that was so intense, how you talked to those hookers. 289 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:54,533 Who knew there was a sex club behind the white castle? 290 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,166 Oh, and beer before liquor. 291 00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:00,109 How do you know so many twins? The twins find me. 292 00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:02,271 Ah. Well, look, you know, i-i-i got to admit, 293 00:14:02,272 --> 00:14:04,243 this was, uh, this was awesome. 294 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:06,215 We gotta do this again. 295 00:14:06,216 --> 00:14:09,218 (Sighs) God. My feet are hot. Are your feet hot? 296 00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:11,551 Why don't you take off your shoes? Mm. 297 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:19,258 (Laughs) That feels amazing. 298 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,892 Arthur, pull over. 299 00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:25,234 (Tires screech) 300 00:14:25,235 --> 00:14:28,998 This isn't Brooklyn. Aren't you taking me home? 301 00:14:28,999 --> 00:14:31,200 Get out. 302 00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:34,203 Wait. No. I-i-i don't... 303 00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:36,105 Tonight was nothing. 304 00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:38,107 You're just a drunken idiot... 305 00:14:38,108 --> 00:14:40,409 My amusement for the night. 306 00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:43,413 Can I at least have my shoes? 307 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,057 Spotted... Dan Humphrey, 308 00:14:48,058 --> 00:14:51,060 shoeless and clueless... 309 00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:53,593 That's all. (Woman) Hey, baby. You want to go out? 310 00:14:58,228 --> 00:15:01,500 (Turns off machine) Dad, what are you doing here? 311 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:05,574 I suggest you get up and come with me without another word. 312 00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:09,108 I can't. Eleanor and Laurel are gonna be back any minute. 313 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:12,241 I don't care. As of this minute, your fashion duties are over. 314 00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:14,243 Dad, I promised Eleanor I'd fix this hem. 315 00:15:14,244 --> 00:15:18,517 She's counting on me, okay? And I counted on you to show up to school, 316 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,520 the school to which I pay tens of thousands of dollars 317 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,993 every year, might I add. 318 00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:27,296 So I think you've had plenty of practice letting people down. 319 00:15:27,297 --> 00:15:30,600 Dad, please. I can explain, okay? Why would I believe anything you say? 320 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,564 Let's go. 321 00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:37,106 Okay. 322 00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:42,471 (Light clicks off) 323 00:15:42,472 --> 00:15:44,473 But one minute you're in, 324 00:15:44,474 --> 00:15:47,147 and the next you're out. 325 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,682 (The Republic tigers' "made concrete" playing) 326 00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:57,256 ♫ tonight ♫ 327 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,258 ♫ I was haunted ♫ 328 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,262 ♫ by some dreams ♫ 329 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,535 It's not as bad as it looks. 330 00:16:06,536 --> 00:16:09,398 (Sighs) A girl in my class was e-mailing me my assignments, 331 00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:12,401 and I was keeping up with all of my reading. 332 00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:15,144 I just needed to get through fashion week, 333 00:16:15,145 --> 00:16:17,146 and it would have been fine. 334 00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:20,349 Being a liar and a truant is not what I would call "fine." 335 00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:23,682 Look, I'm sorry that I cut school and that I lied. 336 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:28,287 I just... I wanted to help Eleanor so badly, 337 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,159 and I did. 338 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,491 Dad, I'm really good at this. 339 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,493 Well, I hope you're as good at groveling. 340 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,665 I just spent 30 minutes on the phone this morning 341 00:16:36,666 --> 00:16:38,597 with headmistress queller, convincing her 342 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,998 that you shouldn't be expelled. 343 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,700 I did my part. Now you're gonna do yours. 344 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,002 You have an appointment at her office this afternoon 345 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,336 to prove you're an honorable person 346 00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:50,579 worthy of a second chance. Go get dressed. Dad, it's a Saturday. 347 00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:53,542 So be glad she's willing to come in on her day off. 348 00:16:53,543 --> 00:16:55,785 (Scoffs) (Utensil clanks) 349 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,025 What do you want? I tried to reach you all night. 350 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:10,459 Why haven't you returned any of my calls? What is there to say? 351 00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:13,162 You've only taken over the girls at school 352 00:17:13,163 --> 00:17:15,134 and abandoned our oldest tradition 353 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:20,369 to go to my mother's show with a complete stranger. 354 00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:23,272 Like you don't notice what's been going on? What? These girls are like hummingbirds. 355 00:17:23,273 --> 00:17:25,114 They move from flower to flower. 356 00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:28,277 They'll be on to someone else next week and then back to you. 357 00:17:28,278 --> 00:17:31,350 It's not a big deal. And I suppose it's not a big deal 358 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,653 that you're sitting front row at my mother's show either. She asked me to do it as a favor. 359 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:38,287 Oh, and how could you possibly disappoint my mother?! 360 00:17:38,288 --> 00:17:42,261 Though you have no qualms about screwing over your best friend. Fine. I won't go. 361 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,793 Good! And then Poppy won't go, and her friends won't go, 362 00:17:44,794 --> 00:17:47,636 and you can explain to your mother 363 00:17:47,637 --> 00:17:51,300 why she has an empty first row. Would that make you happy? At least I won't have to watch the next episode 364 00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:54,603 of the Serena show. You know, I was coming here to invite you to hang out with us. 365 00:17:54,604 --> 00:17:57,846 Oh, how generous, Serena. I should feel so blessed 366 00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:00,449 that you would include me in your little group. 367 00:18:00,450 --> 00:18:03,382 You know what, Blair? I am gonna go to that show, 368 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,754 and I'm gonna sit front row, 369 00:18:05,755 --> 00:18:08,488 and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it. 370 00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:12,661 Boo! But... 371 00:18:12,662 --> 00:18:15,764 Brooklyn kid sees a live hooker for the first time, 372 00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:20,399 loses his shoes. 373 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,871 All right, but I did what you told me. 374 00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:25,434 I-I went out with a guy I can't stand. 375 00:18:25,435 --> 00:18:27,436 Uh, yes. This Charlie trout character... 376 00:18:27,437 --> 00:18:29,578 Now that guy's interesting, complex, 377 00:18:29,579 --> 00:18:34,313 a young mephistopheles. 378 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,846 No, there's no way that I'm writing from his point of view. 379 00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,449 I hate that guy. You're judging the character, Humphrey. 380 00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:42,451 You think capote got national acclaim 381 00:18:42,452 --> 00:18:47,356 for "in cold blood" by judging the murderers? 382 00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:48,597 I'm... I'm guessing no. 383 00:18:48,598 --> 00:18:50,599 Dig beneath the surface. 384 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,701 Get into Charlie trout's head. 385 00:18:52,702 --> 00:18:55,534 Find the character's humanity. 386 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,166 That might be difficult. 387 00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,368 We all have a secret. 388 00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:01,610 A writer's best tool is the ability 389 00:19:01,611 --> 00:19:05,674 to draw out a subject's secret and use it. 390 00:19:05,675 --> 00:19:07,676 Okay, so I go back out there, 391 00:19:07,677 --> 00:19:11,180 I-I make him trust me and find out his secret? 392 00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:14,323 Be ruthless and bring me back a story with teeth. 393 00:19:14,324 --> 00:19:17,427 (Sighs) 394 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:26,866 (Cell phone alert chimes) 395 00:19:29,499 --> 00:19:30,740 (Cell phone chirps) 396 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,610 (Sighs) Did you find it? 397 00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:44,753 I did. Did you offer the seller whatever they want for it? 398 00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:47,756 I didn't have to. You already know the man who bought it. 399 00:19:47,757 --> 00:19:49,187 Excuse me? 400 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,959 Your husband. Bart bought it anonymously. 401 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,263 I had to call in a favor with a friend at sotheby's 402 00:19:54,264 --> 00:19:57,226 to get his name. But I never mentioned it to him. 403 00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,898 No one knows about that mapplethorpe. I highly doubt it was a coincidence. 404 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,871 He's Bart bass. I'm sure he found out about it 405 00:20:02,872 --> 00:20:06,835 and bought it for you as a gift. I hate to say that I'm surprised that he knows me so well, 406 00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:10,509 but that is the kind of husband I've always wanted. 407 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,511 (Lady gaga) ♫ my... my... my poker face ♫ 408 00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,314 ♫ my... my poker face ♫ 409 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,986 ♫ my... my... my poker face, my... my poker face ♫ 410 00:20:17,987 --> 00:20:21,920 Lena, so glad you could make it. I love your hat. 411 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,653 (Man) This way, Poppy. Can we get a picture? (Man) Serena! Poppy! 412 00:20:24,654 --> 00:20:26,955 Excuse me. 413 00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:30,729 ♫ Russian roulette is not the same without a gun ♫ 414 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,931 ♫ and, baby, when it's love ♫ 415 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:35,534 ♫ if it's not rough, it isn't fun ♫ 416 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,836 ♫ oh, oh, oh, oh ♫ 417 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:40,769 Oh. Is there a problem, Serena? 418 00:20:40,770 --> 00:20:42,611 Yeah, there is. 419 00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:45,844 Excuse me. I think there's been a mistake. 420 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,417 My name is Serena Van Der Woodsen, 421 00:20:48,418 --> 00:20:51,380 and someone else's name is on my seat. Let me check. 422 00:20:51,381 --> 00:20:56,455 There's no mistake. 423 00:20:56,456 --> 00:21:00,329 She's in the front row with Poppy lifton. What are you doing here? 424 00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:01,990 My job, no thanks to you. Don't you have socks to darn? 425 00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:04,793 Blair, this is not about you or me. 426 00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:08,367 Go find Serena's name card and put it on the correct seat. 427 00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,899 Don't touch Serena's name card. It remains where it is. 428 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,742 Jenny, why aren't you backstage? 429 00:21:13,743 --> 00:21:15,444 Oh. What's going on? 430 00:21:15,445 --> 00:21:17,646 Uh, it seems like someone's moved Serena's seat. 431 00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:19,678 Yeah, someone. 432 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,050 ♫ I promise this ♫ 433 00:21:22,051 --> 00:21:25,384 What is the matter with you? I am so sorry, Serena. 434 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:28,487 Would you take care of this right away, please? 435 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:32,391 Could you just spare me the dramatics for one day? 436 00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:34,793 Go backstage. Try not to get underfoot. 437 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,326 Jenny, I am so glad that you are here. 438 00:21:37,327 --> 00:21:38,928 (Speaks indistinctly) 439 00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:46,675 (Beep) 440 00:21:46,676 --> 00:21:50,008 (Phone rings) 441 00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:53,041 (Bart) Yeah? Good to hear your voice, too, dad. 442 00:21:53,042 --> 00:21:55,884 What is it, Chuck? I remembered you were flying in tonight. 443 00:21:55,885 --> 00:21:59,017 I wondered if we could have a drink. Why? What kind of trouble are you in? 444 00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:01,019 Is it unimaginable for a son 445 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:04,022 to just want to sit and talk with his father? 446 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,925 Chuck, I'm tired, I'm jet-lagged, and... (Call waiting beeps) 447 00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,097 And I have to take this call. 448 00:22:09,098 --> 00:22:12,561 Okay. Well, maybe later. 449 00:22:12,562 --> 00:22:14,333 (Line disconnects) 450 00:22:17,006 --> 00:22:18,968 Good talking to you, too. (Beep) 451 00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:33,782 So was that really the best you had last night? 452 00:22:33,783 --> 00:22:36,125 Don't tell me that was the great Chuck bass. 453 00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:42,691 Stick around. 454 00:22:42,692 --> 00:22:45,063 (Indistinct conversations) 455 00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:48,437 Hey. Um, would you mind putting this in the back for me? 456 00:22:48,438 --> 00:22:51,440 It's my dress for the after party. No problem. 457 00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,403 Thanks. Hi. Somehow my job got mixed up with Jenny's, 458 00:22:54,404 --> 00:22:57,406 and I want to make sure there's no more confusion. 459 00:22:57,407 --> 00:23:01,610 What does the list say Jenny's in charge of? Making sure the models get from here to the runway. 460 00:23:01,611 --> 00:23:03,151 Great. Thanks a lot. 461 00:23:03,152 --> 00:23:06,054 Spotted... Blair Waldorf looking to do a good deed? 462 00:23:06,055 --> 00:23:08,888 There's a first time for everything. 463 00:23:12,662 --> 00:23:14,893 So what's it really like to be Chuck bass? 464 00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,796 Were you... were you a happy kid? 465 00:23:17,797 --> 00:23:19,898 When'd you start drinking in bars alone? 466 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:23,502 When I realized hot, desperate women drink in bars alone. 467 00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:26,104 What's your father like? 468 00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,777 (The Duke spirit's "this ship was built to last" playing) 469 00:23:28,778 --> 00:23:30,109 Me. 470 00:23:32,041 --> 00:23:34,513 Only older... 471 00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:35,915 And meaner. 472 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:42,050 Look, 20 questions is getting a bit boring. 473 00:23:42,051 --> 00:23:43,922 If you'll excuse me, 474 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:48,898 I'm going to pursue a more fulfilling pastime. 475 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,531 Hey. 476 00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:53,732 Hey. 477 00:23:53,733 --> 00:23:57,065 I pay cash up front now. Let's go. 478 00:23:57,066 --> 00:23:58,638 Excuse me? 479 00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:02,912 Oh, my mistake. 480 00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,776 Hey. What's up? 481 00:24:07,777 --> 00:24:10,849 (Woman) That guy just said I'm a hooker. 482 00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:14,623 Did you just call my girlfriend a prostitute? 483 00:24:14,624 --> 00:24:17,055 It was an honest mistake. 484 00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:20,188 There's nothing honest about it. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 485 00:24:20,189 --> 00:24:24,462 Come on. Calm down. He said he was sorry. Did he? Well, uh, maybe I should teach him some manners then. 486 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,094 It's not my fault 487 00:24:26,095 --> 00:24:30,098 your girlfriend dresses like a high-class call girl. 488 00:24:30,099 --> 00:24:33,903 ♫♫ 489 00:24:38,177 --> 00:24:39,909 Jenny! 490 00:24:46,115 --> 00:24:48,486 (Beep) (Electronic male voice) Message one. 491 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,219 (Woman) Mr. Humphrey, this is headmistress queller. 492 00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,221 I spoke with Jennifer this afternoon, 493 00:24:53,222 --> 00:24:55,864 and the situation has gotten out of control. 494 00:24:55,865 --> 00:24:58,196 Please call me immediately. 495 00:24:58,197 --> 00:25:02,130 (Electronic male voice) End of new messages. (Beep) 496 00:25:02,131 --> 00:25:03,803 (Sighs) 497 00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:08,036 ♫♫ 498 00:25:08,037 --> 00:25:12,881 (Camera shutter snaps) (Man) Michael! Michael! 499 00:25:12,882 --> 00:25:14,012 Oh. 500 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:15,243 Full house. 501 00:25:15,244 --> 00:25:17,515 Mm-hmm. Jenny, get the models ready to go. 502 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,648 Done. Good. 503 00:25:19,649 --> 00:25:22,120 (Cell phone rings) 504 00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:24,593 (Ring) 505 00:25:24,594 --> 00:25:26,224 (Ring) 506 00:25:26,225 --> 00:25:27,897 (Chirps) 507 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:33,802 Where are the models? What? Which models? 508 00:25:33,803 --> 00:25:36,735 The models that are about to walk the runway 509 00:25:36,736 --> 00:25:38,767 wearing your mother's clothes? Oh, those models. 510 00:25:38,768 --> 00:25:41,039 Somehow they got the idea that they'd been overbooked, 511 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,171 so they went home. What? They went home? 512 00:25:43,172 --> 00:25:45,814 They're not the brightest bulbs, are they? 513 00:25:45,815 --> 00:25:49,848 Jenny, we start in ten. Are the models ready? 514 00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:52,020 No. The models are gone. 515 00:25:52,021 --> 00:25:54,723 What? What do you mean, the models are gone? 516 00:25:54,724 --> 00:25:57,856 How can they be gone? 517 00:25:57,857 --> 00:26:01,630 Wh... what did you do with them? Are you trying to kill me? 518 00:26:01,631 --> 00:26:04,132 Laurel, it's gonna be okay. 519 00:26:04,133 --> 00:26:07,596 What? I have an idea. 520 00:26:07,597 --> 00:26:09,598 Jail, brawling in public. 521 00:26:09,599 --> 00:26:11,600 You know, I hear Yale's looking 522 00:26:11,601 --> 00:26:13,241 to recruit more bar fighters this year. 523 00:26:13,242 --> 00:26:15,243 (Snaps fingers) Bar fighters and, um, pacific islanders. 524 00:26:15,244 --> 00:26:17,275 They're looking to round out the freshman class. 525 00:26:17,276 --> 00:26:20,809 For what it's worth, Humphrey, you had my back. 526 00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,852 Never thought I'd say this, but thanks. Oh, that... that changes everything. 527 00:26:23,853 --> 00:26:25,854 College versus Chuck bass' gratitude... 528 00:26:25,855 --> 00:26:28,687 I think that's a-an even trade. 529 00:26:28,688 --> 00:26:32,360 Oh. Oh, no. My dad... My dad's gonna kill me. 530 00:26:32,361 --> 00:26:34,222 Count yourself lucky. 531 00:26:34,223 --> 00:26:36,094 Lucky? H-how is it lucky 532 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,226 that my own father is gonna murder me? 533 00:26:38,227 --> 00:26:42,631 My father doesn't care enough to get angry. Yeah, I'm sure. 534 00:26:42,632 --> 00:26:45,003 Please. He expects this. 535 00:26:45,004 --> 00:26:48,006 Oh, he'll be annoyed that he has to call his lawyer. 536 00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:49,307 (Phone ringing) 537 00:26:49,308 --> 00:26:51,641 After that... 538 00:26:53,983 --> 00:26:56,244 Has he always been like that? 539 00:26:56,245 --> 00:26:58,616 Since the day I was born. 540 00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,048 No, that's crazy. 541 00:27:00,049 --> 00:27:02,220 Even Bart bass doesn't hate babies. 542 00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:04,893 It's, uh, it's in our d.N.A. 543 00:27:04,894 --> 00:27:08,326 I think Disney did a study. He hated me. 544 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:10,759 That doesn't make sense. 545 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:15,133 (Sighs) It does if his beloved wife... 546 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:17,937 Died giving birth to me. 547 00:27:23,212 --> 00:27:25,273 That's not your fault. 548 00:27:25,274 --> 00:27:27,916 Tell him that. 549 00:27:27,917 --> 00:27:31,020 Sometimes I swear he thinks I killed her. 550 00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:36,956 Who knows? Maybe I did. 551 00:27:39,428 --> 00:27:41,429 Chuck bass, your lawyer called. 552 00:27:41,430 --> 00:27:42,931 You've been released. 553 00:27:42,932 --> 00:27:45,293 (Lock clicks, door creaks) 554 00:27:45,294 --> 00:27:48,196 I'll, uh... 555 00:27:48,197 --> 00:27:52,040 See if my lawyer can have you released into his custody. 556 00:27:52,041 --> 00:27:53,872 If they haven't reached your father yet, 557 00:27:53,873 --> 00:27:56,144 maybe they won't have to. 558 00:27:56,145 --> 00:27:58,748 Thanks. 559 00:28:03,953 --> 00:28:05,454 (Door creaks, lock clicks) 560 00:28:08,017 --> 00:28:10,318 Lily, I'm home. 561 00:28:10,319 --> 00:28:11,991 Aha. 562 00:28:14,293 --> 00:28:15,894 I have missed you. 563 00:28:15,895 --> 00:28:19,267 Good, because I am going to steal your passport 564 00:28:19,268 --> 00:28:22,100 and lock you in our room. 565 00:28:22,101 --> 00:28:23,101 Mmm. 566 00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:24,933 Mmm. 567 00:28:24,934 --> 00:28:28,207 That sounds like the perfect plan. (Chuckles) 568 00:28:29,809 --> 00:28:32,080 But not before I give you something. 569 00:28:32,081 --> 00:28:33,983 Oh! 570 00:28:38,347 --> 00:28:41,249 I mean, if it's not your taste, we can exchange it. 571 00:28:41,250 --> 00:28:43,822 Oh, no, no, no. The necklace is exquisite. 572 00:28:43,823 --> 00:28:46,955 It's... it's just... 573 00:28:46,956 --> 00:28:49,828 You didn't happen to buy a piece of art recently? 574 00:28:49,829 --> 00:28:52,130 Perhaps a mapplethorpe? 575 00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:54,232 Yes, I did. 576 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:57,966 You did. Oh! You did. You got it for me. 577 00:28:57,967 --> 00:29:01,309 Oh! How did you know and when can I see it? 578 00:29:01,310 --> 00:29:03,111 Well, you can't. 579 00:29:03,112 --> 00:29:04,472 No one can. 580 00:29:04,473 --> 00:29:06,845 I don't understand. 581 00:29:06,846 --> 00:29:08,947 Lily, I'm a powerful man, 582 00:29:08,948 --> 00:29:11,780 and that makes me and those around me a target, 583 00:29:11,781 --> 00:29:14,422 and it is my job to protect this family 584 00:29:14,423 --> 00:29:18,326 from anything that can be used against us. Used against us? 585 00:29:18,327 --> 00:29:20,528 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 586 00:29:20,529 --> 00:29:26,194 H-how did you even know about it? 587 00:29:26,195 --> 00:29:29,467 Did you hire someone to look into my past? 588 00:29:29,468 --> 00:29:32,241 Do you have a Lily bass dossier? 589 00:29:35,444 --> 00:29:37,505 I want to see it. 590 00:29:37,506 --> 00:29:39,177 Lily... 591 00:29:39,178 --> 00:29:41,779 I want to see it. 592 00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:43,452 Everything. 593 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,317 How on earth does one lose models? 594 00:29:49,318 --> 00:29:52,961 N-n-never mind. This is going to be sensational. 595 00:29:52,962 --> 00:29:55,193 "Models lost, socialites save the day." 596 00:29:55,194 --> 00:29:57,966 Oh! Your show will get so much press, 597 00:29:57,967 --> 00:29:59,898 it'll drive Marc Jacobs to drink. 598 00:29:59,899 --> 00:30:01,970 (Eleanor sighs) God forbid. 599 00:30:01,971 --> 00:30:04,833 Every time he goes to rehab, his sales soar. 600 00:30:04,834 --> 00:30:06,975 What do you think? 601 00:30:06,976 --> 00:30:09,177 Well, the dress fits. Mm-hmm. 602 00:30:09,178 --> 00:30:13,141 How handy is it that society girls are wafer-thin? 603 00:30:13,142 --> 00:30:16,185 I hope you know what you're doing. Yeah. Me, too. 604 00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:22,820 (Man singing in French) 605 00:30:22,821 --> 00:30:25,855 (Camera shutters snapping) 606 00:30:27,356 --> 00:30:31,260 ♫♫ 607 00:30:46,115 --> 00:30:49,577 Hey. Why aren't you dressed? I don't think I'm gonna do this. 608 00:30:49,578 --> 00:30:53,551 Blair would be crushed. 609 00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:55,023 It's her. 610 00:30:55,024 --> 00:30:57,185 Serena, I've only known you for a few weeks, 611 00:30:57,186 --> 00:30:59,357 but it's pretty clear you've spent your whole life 612 00:30:59,358 --> 00:31:03,031 worrying about Blair and what she thinks and how she feels. 613 00:31:03,032 --> 00:31:05,063 You don't understand. I was best friends for years 614 00:31:05,064 --> 00:31:07,395 with this girl that was just like Blair, 615 00:31:07,396 --> 00:31:09,297 and it was subtle, 616 00:31:09,298 --> 00:31:12,470 but I was always having to make myself less sparkly 617 00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:15,143 so that she wouldn't feel insecure. 618 00:31:15,144 --> 00:31:18,146 Till one day I finally realized that is crazy... 619 00:31:18,147 --> 00:31:20,108 (Applause) 'Cause a true friend would want you 620 00:31:20,109 --> 00:31:22,350 to be your most beautiful, vibrant self. 621 00:31:22,351 --> 00:31:25,453 No, I just... I really don't want to hurt her. 622 00:31:25,454 --> 00:31:29,057 I know. I know. 623 00:31:29,058 --> 00:31:32,590 But is that a good reason to hide your light? 624 00:31:32,591 --> 00:31:37,065 You're gorgeous, sweet, amazing. 625 00:31:37,066 --> 00:31:41,200 If Blair's a true friend, she'll support you. 626 00:31:43,432 --> 00:31:45,073 You're right. 627 00:31:45,074 --> 00:31:47,075 Yeah? (Whispers) Okay. Come on. 628 00:31:47,076 --> 00:31:48,536 Eleanor, where's my dress? 629 00:31:48,537 --> 00:31:50,508 Here. Here. Blair. 630 00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:53,581 This will be beautiful on you. It's for the finale. Are you sure? 631 00:31:53,582 --> 00:31:57,085 Yes, yes. It's fine. Just hurry. Okay. (Laughs) 632 00:31:57,086 --> 00:32:01,250 ♫♫ 633 00:32:07,256 --> 00:32:10,298 ♫♫ 634 00:32:10,299 --> 00:32:14,102 (Camera shutters snapping) 635 00:32:14,103 --> 00:32:18,007 (Woman singing in French) 636 00:32:21,410 --> 00:32:24,613 (Cheering) 637 00:32:36,355 --> 00:32:37,555 Where's Serena? 638 00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:39,357 She's onstage. 639 00:32:39,358 --> 00:32:41,229 But I have her dress. 640 00:32:41,230 --> 00:32:44,592 Oh. You mean Serena's on the runway 641 00:32:44,593 --> 00:32:46,034 of Eleanor Waldorf's show 642 00:32:46,035 --> 00:32:48,196 in a design not made by Eleanor Waldorf? 643 00:32:48,197 --> 00:32:50,039 Oh, dear. 644 00:32:53,742 --> 00:32:57,575 That's not my dress. 645 00:32:57,576 --> 00:33:00,749 Yeah. I-It's my dress. 646 00:33:07,186 --> 00:33:10,018 Why did you do this? 647 00:33:10,019 --> 00:33:12,760 I waved the white flag at school. Why don't... 648 00:33:12,761 --> 00:33:16,564 Why don't you just claim your throne and leave me alone? Because I can't. 649 00:33:16,565 --> 00:33:19,728 (Cheers and applause) 650 00:33:26,775 --> 00:33:29,307 This is about Serena. I didn't realize. 651 00:33:29,308 --> 00:33:31,039 And why would you? 652 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,241 Y-you might be privileged, Blair, 653 00:33:33,242 --> 00:33:36,414 but you work for every single thing you've achieved, 654 00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,316 like me. 655 00:33:38,317 --> 00:33:40,418 Serena just glides through. 656 00:33:40,419 --> 00:33:42,690 Tell me about it. 657 00:33:42,691 --> 00:33:47,024 I wanted to be your friend last year for a reason. 658 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:49,328 I wanted you to like me. 659 00:33:55,164 --> 00:33:57,066 Here you go. 660 00:33:59,768 --> 00:34:02,140 Hey, you gave me the wrong bag. 661 00:34:02,141 --> 00:34:04,073 (Man speaks indistinctly) 662 00:34:07,276 --> 00:34:10,319 (Phone ringing) 663 00:34:13,522 --> 00:34:17,054 You have letters that I wrote to my college boyfriend? 664 00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:20,057 You mean the professor you slept with while at school. 665 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,790 Bart, where did you get these? It doesn't matter, Lily. 666 00:34:22,791 --> 00:34:26,164 I love you, and my concern is for our family. 667 00:34:26,165 --> 00:34:28,336 Bart, I'm not ashamed of who I am. 668 00:34:28,337 --> 00:34:32,740 I may have concealed things in the past, but not anymore. 669 00:34:32,741 --> 00:34:35,244 I want my children to know their mother. 670 00:34:38,807 --> 00:34:41,350 Is this something you want your kids to know? 671 00:34:54,793 --> 00:34:57,825 Who gave this to you? 672 00:34:57,826 --> 00:35:01,830 (Phone ringing, police radio chatter in distance) 673 00:35:05,804 --> 00:35:08,776 You were writing about me? 674 00:35:08,777 --> 00:35:10,638 Where'd you get that? 675 00:35:10,639 --> 00:35:12,540 You watch your back. 676 00:35:12,541 --> 00:35:15,813 No one uses Chuck bass. 677 00:35:15,814 --> 00:35:18,586 I hope you enjoy your stay here. 678 00:35:18,587 --> 00:35:21,119 I hope they make a Humphrey sandwich. 679 00:35:25,524 --> 00:35:28,896 The story I told you about my mother? 680 00:35:28,897 --> 00:35:30,798 I was lying. 681 00:35:30,799 --> 00:35:35,564 My mother died in a plane crash in the andes when I was 6. 682 00:35:38,307 --> 00:35:41,609 (Cheers and applause) 683 00:35:41,610 --> 00:35:44,412 You did this on purpose. 684 00:35:44,413 --> 00:35:46,274 You put Serena into your dress 685 00:35:46,275 --> 00:35:49,777 so you could sneak it into my show. No, I didn't. I swear. 686 00:35:49,778 --> 00:35:52,850 When I expose your Eve harrington ways, 687 00:35:52,851 --> 00:35:55,853 your bright future will be snuffed out like a candle. 688 00:35:55,854 --> 00:35:58,886 Eleanor, andré Leon talley is raving about the finale dress. 689 00:35:58,887 --> 00:36:01,759 He said it was the perfect culmination to your line, 690 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,362 loved it. They loved the dress? 691 00:36:04,363 --> 00:36:06,364 My dress? 692 00:36:06,365 --> 00:36:07,695 (Woman) ♫ ooh ♫ 693 00:36:07,696 --> 00:36:09,437 ♫ ooh ♫ 694 00:36:09,438 --> 00:36:11,939 ♫ ooh, yes ♫ 695 00:36:11,940 --> 00:36:15,243 ♫♫ 696 00:36:15,244 --> 00:36:18,175 Eleanor, I used scraps of fabric I found around the atelier, 697 00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:21,249 and I adapted one of your old patterns. 698 00:36:21,250 --> 00:36:23,551 It's basically your design. Please take credit for it. 699 00:36:23,552 --> 00:36:25,383 I am Eleanor Waldorf. 700 00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:29,887 I do not have to take credit for a dress made by a child. 701 00:36:29,888 --> 00:36:32,390 Mom, Jenny saved the show. 702 00:36:32,391 --> 00:36:35,763 It was her idea to use the socialites. 703 00:36:35,764 --> 00:36:37,695 And look. It's a smash success. 704 00:36:37,696 --> 00:36:40,268 Take your bow. 705 00:36:40,269 --> 00:36:41,669 Please? 706 00:36:41,670 --> 00:36:44,703 What else are you gonna do, mom? 707 00:36:47,436 --> 00:36:49,937 What the hell. 708 00:36:49,938 --> 00:36:54,782 ♫♫ 709 00:36:54,783 --> 00:36:58,616 (Cheering continues) 710 00:36:58,617 --> 00:37:01,720 ♫♫ 711 00:37:05,754 --> 00:37:08,826 A guy's acting crazy outside, wants to be let in, 712 00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:12,560 says he's your father. Should I put him on the list? 713 00:37:12,561 --> 00:37:15,303 Um, no. 714 00:37:15,304 --> 00:37:18,807 My dad's out of town. It must be a mistake. Okay. 715 00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:26,974 When the phone rang in the dead of the night, 716 00:37:26,975 --> 00:37:30,278 I expected a Booty call from Lucy the stewardess, 717 00:37:30,279 --> 00:37:33,281 not a call from lockup. Yeah, look, I'm sorry about this. 718 00:37:33,282 --> 00:37:35,583 I didn't have anywhere else to turn, really. 719 00:37:35,584 --> 00:37:38,586 Police stations at midnight make me nostalgic for my youth. 720 00:37:38,587 --> 00:37:41,729 So it turns out that guy you clocked dropped the charges. 721 00:37:41,730 --> 00:37:43,791 Oh, good. That... that's a relief. 722 00:37:43,792 --> 00:37:46,964 I'm proud of you, Humphrey. You really shook it up. Yeah. 723 00:37:46,965 --> 00:37:49,537 Did you get Charlie trout's secret in the process? 724 00:37:49,538 --> 00:37:51,869 Uh, yeah, yeah. He thinks he killed his mother. 725 00:37:51,870 --> 00:37:54,572 Bingo! You're gonna have a hell of a story. 726 00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:57,505 Yeah, you know, I'm... I'm not gonna use it, though. 727 00:37:57,506 --> 00:38:00,348 What do you mean? Well, if I have to exploit people to be a good writer, 728 00:38:00,349 --> 00:38:03,351 then, you know, maybe... Maybe I'm not a good writer. 729 00:38:03,352 --> 00:38:06,814 I don't... I'd rather be safe than use people for art. 730 00:38:06,815 --> 00:38:09,817 Harris was right when he cut you loose. 731 00:38:09,818 --> 00:38:11,759 You'll always be second-rate. 732 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,761 Maybe, maybe, but you know what? 733 00:38:13,762 --> 00:38:15,763 I have... I have an idea for a new story. 734 00:38:15,764 --> 00:38:17,865 It's about an egomaniacal, washed-up writer 735 00:38:17,866 --> 00:38:20,027 who manipulates his protégée. 736 00:38:20,028 --> 00:38:22,029 It's a classic tale of disillusionment. 737 00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:25,032 Good luck with that. I'll look for it in "reader's digest." 738 00:38:25,033 --> 00:38:28,436 I can use it to prop up my pulitzers. 739 00:38:28,437 --> 00:38:32,009 (Siren wails in distance) 740 00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:35,082 (Taps glass) I would like to thank everyone 741 00:38:35,083 --> 00:38:37,685 for making the show a spectacular success. 742 00:38:37,686 --> 00:38:39,717 But most of all, 743 00:38:39,718 --> 00:38:42,620 I would like to thank Jenny Humphrey, 744 00:38:42,621 --> 00:38:45,052 the sensational Jenny Humphrey. 745 00:38:45,053 --> 00:38:48,896 Without her hard work and talent, 746 00:38:48,897 --> 00:38:51,759 the show literally would not have gone on. 747 00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,361 To Jenny. 748 00:38:53,362 --> 00:38:54,502 To Jenny. 749 00:38:54,503 --> 00:38:56,534 (All) To Jenny. 750 00:38:56,535 --> 00:38:58,636 (Mouths words) 751 00:38:58,637 --> 00:39:01,570 (Indistinct conversations) 752 00:39:10,879 --> 00:39:13,651 Serena, can we talk? 753 00:39:13,652 --> 00:39:16,654 About what? How you tried to publicly humiliate me? 754 00:39:16,655 --> 00:39:19,787 You know about the dress. Yeah, Laurel told me. 755 00:39:19,788 --> 00:39:23,391 She said it was an accident. Clearly, she doesn't know you. 756 00:39:23,392 --> 00:39:25,433 I'm sorry. 757 00:39:25,434 --> 00:39:28,566 I was hurt, okay? 758 00:39:28,567 --> 00:39:31,569 Y-you blew off our most beloved tradition. 759 00:39:31,570 --> 00:39:33,741 Just get over it, Blair. 760 00:39:33,742 --> 00:39:35,403 Excuse me? 761 00:39:35,404 --> 00:39:37,945 My whole life, I have been bending over backwards 762 00:39:37,946 --> 00:39:40,408 to protect your feelings. 763 00:39:40,409 --> 00:39:44,081 And you know what? It's not my fault you're so insecure. 764 00:39:44,082 --> 00:39:47,084 And I'm sure it's not your fault you're so conceited. 765 00:39:47,085 --> 00:39:50,117 I'm just tired of trying to hold myself back 766 00:39:50,118 --> 00:39:52,159 so I don't outshine you. Oh, my god. 767 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,693 Can you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth? 768 00:39:55,694 --> 00:39:57,465 Just the truth. 769 00:39:57,466 --> 00:40:01,769 From now on, I'm gonna be who I am, 770 00:40:01,770 --> 00:40:03,931 and if you can support that 771 00:40:03,932 --> 00:40:06,474 and not be threatened and competitive, then great. 772 00:40:06,475 --> 00:40:09,007 If not... 773 00:40:16,785 --> 00:40:21,919 From now on, your privileges 774 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,752 watch me. Dad, you pursued your music when you were young. 775 00:40:24,753 --> 00:40:26,123 You didn't focus on school, 776 00:40:26,124 --> 00:40:31,158 and you got what you wanted for a while. 777 00:40:31,159 --> 00:40:33,631 Then you wouldn't consider them mistakes. 778 00:40:33,632 --> 00:40:37,735 And maybe I'm just more... More talented than me? Believe me. I hope you are. 779 00:40:37,736 --> 00:40:40,738 I hope you become a success at whatever it is you choose, 780 00:40:40,739 --> 00:40:44,171 after you finish school. Well, maybe that's not the path I want. 781 00:40:44,172 --> 00:40:47,114 Is that what you told headmistress queller, 782 00:40:47,115 --> 00:40:49,517 that you don't care about all the school you've missed? 783 00:40:49,518 --> 00:40:53,552 No. I told her I'm not coming back. 784 00:40:58,657 --> 00:41:03,631 If there's one thing I've learned, 785 00:41:03,632 --> 00:41:07,034 (phantom planet) ♫ give it a tug ♫ 786 00:41:07,035 --> 00:41:09,196 You might be brave enough to reveal your secret, 787 00:41:09,197 --> 00:41:12,500 only to have it used against you... 788 00:41:12,501 --> 00:41:16,774 Or someone else's secret might affect you in unexpected ways. 789 00:41:16,775 --> 00:41:19,246 ♫ That hole is so steep ♫ 790 00:41:19,247 --> 00:41:24,051 There are some secrets you're only too happy to keep. 791 00:41:24,052 --> 00:41:30,688 Others surface 792 00:41:30,689 --> 00:41:32,860 but the most powerful secrets 793 00:41:32,861 --> 00:41:35,192 are the truths you thought you could never reveal, 794 00:41:35,193 --> 00:41:37,725 that once spoken, change everything. 795 00:41:37,726 --> 00:41:44,532 ♫ Tonight we raise the dead ♫ 796 00:41:44,533 --> 00:41:46,173 But don't worry, b. 797 00:41:46,174 --> 00:41:49,807 The brightest stars burn out the fastest, 798 00:41:49,808 --> 00:41:51,609 or at least that's what I heard. 799 00:41:51,610 --> 00:41:53,681 Waiting for a star to fall, 800 00:41:53,682 --> 00:41:56,915 x.o.x.o., gossip girl.