Into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. Waiting for you in Tuscany the first few days
were mildly humiliating.
But when I realized you weren't gonna show, I rallied.
(Blair) Luckily, I made a friend on the trip over.
(British accent) My name is actually Marcus beaton.
I'm British and a lord.
(Giggles) Please don't leave with him.
You're telling me you didn't have any fun
with anyone all summer? I don't think I'm ready. I-I still miss Dan sometimes.
Well, I've just been trying to distract myself the best I can.
I was hoping when I saw you,
I would know that we did the right thing.
But I-I don't feel that way. I don't feel that way at all.
What about all those rumors I heard about you and Nate? Completely untrue.
They just got people off my back about being sad,
and then Nate could do whatever he wanted. (Brakes screech)
(Serena) When you told me your secret girlfriend was older,
I thought you meant college.
Not to mention, Catherine's married. I just wish I could make her feel
as badly as I feel right now. You totally can.
I can't believe that you would try to make me jealous
in front of my husband and our friends. Well, did it work?
Completely.
And who am I?
That's a secret I'll never tell.
You know you love me.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.
As summer comes to an end, I'd like to share
a few of the things I've learned about fun in the sun.
"Gossip girl's guide to summer," tip number one...
Don't fall asleep on the job. The best hookups are free
of morning breath and awkward conversation.
The only thing harder than making up is waking up.
(The pierces) ♫ how deep is your ocean? ♫
♫ How high is your sky? ♫
♫ I'd love to put our love... ♫
(Sighs)
(Groans) Hey. Hi.
Morning.
♫ But I have to ask myself why ♫ ♫ why ♫
Mm.
♫ I can't tell you how to live your life ♫
What?
I'm sorry. I-I'm just a little, um...
Overwhelmed?
Confused.
Last night was...
It was amazing.
And confusing. (Laughs)
Okay. Now I'm... I'm a little confused.
Well, it was so romantic what you did,
showing up here,
and it feels so right to be together.
But you're having second thoughts.
No. I-I just think that we should think...
Before we get back together, right?
Y-yeah, I mean, I thought...
I thought this meant we were back together.
Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, you're not.
No, I'm not at all.
And neither am I,
and... and I want to keep it that way.
But this is a big decision,
and... and we did break up for a reason...
Many reasons.
But this was never our problem.
Okay.
I will see you back in the city...
Mmm. Fully clothed...
With lots of people around. Okay?
Okay.
♫ La da da da da da da da da dum ♫
We'll talk.
Yeah, about our problems.
♫ La da da da da da ♫
That sounds great.
Summer tip number two...
There's no "we" in summer, only "u" and "me."
Find out where you stand before you find yourself stood up.
Anyone can canoodle in July and August,
but will he be gone by September?
So what's next?
I was thinking breakfast...
A little French toast, some coffee.
(Laughs) No. I mean, since you don't go to Princeton
or Georgetown, I assume you're not headed back to college.
So where are you headed? Are you staying here?
Would it be too forward of me
to say I'll go wherever you go?
I'd be honored, milord.
(Laughs) Blair, you don't have to call me that.
In fact, you shouldn't... I know. Don't worry.
I was up all night reading "debrett's peerage."
I'm well versed in your lordly ways,
and I'm ready to meet the queen,
which I also watched on DVD, b.T.W.
Well, I can see that you are quite prepared.
♫ La da da da da dum ♫
♫ I'd love to put our love into motion ♫ ♫ la da da da da da da da da dum ♫
As you've probably guessed, I have to get back to the city.
Senior year awaits.
Mm. Let me think.
A beautiful girl, Autumn in New York.
Well, I think I could find some way to entertain myself. Really?
Absolutely. My family will be glad
I'm staying in one place for a while.
Oh, your family. I'd love to meet the Duke and duchess.
Duchess. Right. W-well, we'll see.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Things are going south with lord Marcus.
Who's lord Marcus? James.
It turns out that he was only pretending to be a commoner.
It's like "Roman holiday,"
only I'm Gregory peck, and he's Audrey hepburn.
Oh, suddenly it's all so clear. (Laughs)
He's not really a college student.
He's a lord, and I love him.
Okay, I'm gonna take your word for it, but, Blair, love?
Like, very much. And not just because Tom Hanks gave him
a kleenex at lady di's funeral. And you really expect me to believe
this isn't all about revenge on Chuck?
Revenge is so 12 hours ago, and just because Marcus happens
to be the perfect post-bass palate cleanser
doesn't mean he isn't
a delicious dish in his own right.
Okay, so it sounds like you guys are soul mates.
What exactly is the problem? He's being vague about the future.
Marcus. Hey.
Hello, Chuck. I was just getting something to eat.
Do you mind if I join you? I do, yes. Uh, I'm dining with Blair.
And I feel I should tell you, I know you two have a history.
Around here, who doesn't? But you're with Blair now.
I get that. There's no reason we can't be civil.
After all, isn't that a trait your people pride themselves on?
Right.
Well, for england then.
(Chuckles) Shall we?
We shall.
I think it's a little soon to be worrying
about the rest of your lives. But not the rest of the year. It's the season for flings...
Tennis pros and townies. I'm his secret summer shame.
Blair Waldorf... a fling?
Hmm. You're not exactly low maintenance.
Speaking of, where were you last night?
Did the lifeguard turn up at the party,
or did you find another disposable?
Uh, sorry, Blair. (Sighs) I have to go.
Wait. Serena! (Beep)
Hi. Hey, I thought you were gonna... I thought you'd take the train.
Take the... the train. Yeah. But you're taking the jitney. Me, too.
I-I was... I was just gonna use some of that downtime
to do some of the thinking that we talked about. And you should, you know,
just 'cause, um, we're not gonna make out,
it doesn't mean we have to totally avoid each other. Yeah, right. Well, we're...
It's not like we're... We're animals.
I think... I think we can share the same bus without, uh,
r-running off together.
I'm gonna sit over here. I'll be here.
(Clears throat) (Sighs)
(Chuck) And that's me.
Fantastic. I'll call you. Please.
And, uh... Chuck, what are you doing in my chair?
Oh, we've got a date to play squash at Chuck's father's club.
Charles, sidebar.
Actually, we weren't finished. (Lowers voice) Notice how my voice
didn't go up at the end? Not a question. (Chuckles)
(Chuckles nervously)
(Normal voice) Squash? I'll squash you.
It's just a game, Blair.
Not to me, bass-hole. I like him. And so do I,
and apparently, he doesn't have too many friends.
Chuck just informed me
that he and Serena are leaving immediately.
Do you think I could catch a ride back into town with you?
Of course.
Hey, mom. It's looking really nice out here.
Thanks. I couldn't sleep, so I got up early.
Are you going somewhere? Yeah, I'm gonna head back into the city, actually.
But there's still a few more days of vacation. Yeah, I know. I figured it'd be good
to get back in and settled before school starts.
I mean, Louisa's at the house, right?
It's... it's not a big deal. No.
I haven't wanted to tell you this,
but you're going to find out soon enough.
Find out what?
As an admission of guilt.
They want to forfeit our assets...
For restitution.
What, they wanna take our money?
Well, not yet, but they have frozen our accounts.
And now they're making an inventory
of everything that we own.
I asked your granddad for help. What, you told grandpa?
Not that it did any good. As you can imagine,
he's not very happy with my role in your father's departure.
For the time being at least, I've been cut off.
I can't believe you knew all this,
and you didn't say anything. All summer, I kept hoping I could make it go away,
and maybe I still can,
which is why I need you to keep your chin up
and you are. (Cell phone ringing)
Nate, let's not fight about this, please.
Tip number three... Take time to smell the flowers.
(Beep) Mom, I gotta go. Let's talk about this later, okay?
It's true that all good things must come to an end,
and August is no exception.
They don't call it "fall" for nothing.
(Nate) Hey, this is Nate. Please leave a message. (Beep)
Nate, it's Catherine.
Listen, last night was not smart.
In fact, it was very, very stupid,
which is why we're gonna have to be much more clever
when we get back to the city. Call me when you get this.
(Beep) (Cell phone rings)
(Beep) Oh. Darling.
Duchess, you weren't home when I packed up.
Just wanted to say good-bye to you and dad before I left.
Well, your father's run up to Boston till tomorrow,
but I'm sure he sends his love.
Listen, I'll see you in the city for dinner.
I want to hear all about your summer. And me, yours.
See you then.
Ah. (Laughs) Manhattan, here we come.
Cheers to that, Blair.
Nothing says "welcome home" like a bottle of bubbly...
(Glasses clink) Ready?
Uh-huh. (Cork pops)
Aah! (Laughs) And a scandal bubbling.
♫ Ah ♫
♫♫
♫ Ah ♫
Sorry. Um, I'm done reading my magazine...
Oh. And I know that you like...
♫ ah ♫
The music reviews, so if you want to read it, you can.
Thank you.
♫ Ah ♫
♫ ah ♫
♫♫
Want one?
Oh, no thanks. I'm good.
♫ Say what you want to, say what you will ♫
♫ write your number on my telephone bill ♫
(Sighs)
♫ walk like a monkey, kick like a mule ♫
♫ I could be your beggar, but I'd rather be... ♫
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
♫ Ah ♫
So? What are your plans later?
I mean, besides racquet sports with your new friend Chuck?
Oh, the duchess was hoping we'd get dinner.
Dinner? I'd love to have dinner with your mother.
Oh, she's my stepmother, actually,
not that this makes her
an any less forceful presence in my life.
But I meant we are having dinner... she and I.
We haven't seen each other much all summer, so...
Oh. Of course. I understand.
It's just...
You'll be missing my big party.
You're having a party?
I can't believe I didn't mention it.
Every year I have a big "welcome back to the city" party
for all my friends.
It's only my favorite event of the year.
Then I'll tell the duchess we'll catch up another time.
You don't have to, but thank you.
(Beep)
No offense,
at squash?
I've been playing my father since the eighth grade.
How good can Marcus be? No, I mean, as a guy. Blair wants to be a Princess,
and your greatest achievement is owning part of a burlesque club.
Which is why I have to get to know him.
See, no one's that perfect. Once I get him out of the way,
then I'll have a clear shot at Blair. Oh, you know it's love when you start talking like an assassin.
I think you're jealous of my new best friend. Well, I have been hoping someone would tag in for a while now.
(Laughs) (Cell phone rings)
(Beep)
Hello?
Uh, I can't talk right now.
I'll have to call you when I'm home. (Beep)
Hey, if you need to work out the details of your takedown,
don't let me stop you. You know me well, but it's nothing.
♫♫
(Vanessa) It's still kind of a mess,
but I think you get the idea.
Well?
You're being very quiet.
Is that good quiet or bad quiet?
Come on. I'm freaking out.
I'm freaking out. (Laughs)
This place is amazing. People might actually come here.
That was the idea. I know, but when I talked about
converting our storage space into a cafe,
I was thinking of a folding table and a coffeemaker.
Vanessa, thank you. This is a great homecoming present.
It's exactly what I needed.
What you needed for what? Aren't you happy to be home?
(Laughs) Yeah, of course.
I can't wait till the kids get back from the Hamptons.
I miss 'em like crazy.
And they miss you, too, but...
No buts. I had a great time this summer.
I had forgotten what it was like to be on the road,
performing for a live audience night after night.
And now that you remember...
I'm grateful for the memory.
Now does this place actually serve coffee or what?
Yes, it does.
Uh, to go, please.
I need to head downtown.
One house blend, on the house.
(Man) And see what else you can find upstairs then. Excuse me.
You Nate Archibald? Yeah. Since this is my house, how about I ask the questions?
Don't worry. Your family's lawyer is upstairs, supervising.
Supervising what, exactly?
Us. We've moved into your house,
and we're going through every single thing your family owns.
Wow. You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?
Look, no one wants to hold a yard sale.
We want your father locked up.
No, we already told the prosecutors
we don't know where he is. (Sighs) That's too bad.
We'll deal with it. Maybe you will.
But after spending so much time in your mom's closet,
I feel like I know the lady.
I don't think she'll adjust so well.
(Dialing)
(Catherine) Hi. It's Catherine. Leave a message.
Hey. It's me. Uh, listen, I really need to talk to someone.
So, um, I need to talk to you.
So if you can call me, please.
(Beep)
Something tells me you're off your game.
Anything I can help with?
Uh, no one can help.
You sure?
Well, it's the duchess. You know how it is.
(Panting)
Tell me.
No one's ever good enough.
I've dated a lot of topflight girls,
and she always sends them running.
It's like... and she gets inside their heads,
figures out their worst fears and just...
Ruthlessly exploits that fear. It's rough.
Not to mention,
she's completely got my father's ear.
Of course, Blair is desperate to meet her.
And when Blair sets her mind on something...
Exactly.
That's a match.
I'd say let's keep at it,
but I have to get ready for Blair's party.
Party? Right.
Thanks, Chuck. We should do this again.
See you at the Hudson.
Perfect.
Why don't I get your home number? Yeah, sure.
Spotted... Chuck bass putting his new b.F.F. On speed dial.
Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance...
That was a good match. You nearly had me.
Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?
Well done, Dorota. I like what I'm seeing.
Now make the library the sky terrace,
the ranunculus dahlias,
the veuve clicquot Laurent-Pierre,
this guest list, however, is a complete page one. But those are your friends.
Then invite strangers.
I have to present myself as a crown Jewel,
surrounded by other smaller, slightly flawed gems,
but quality stones nonetheless.
And try to round up a couple people who can vote
so it doesn't feel like a total high school party.
A party at the Hudson, huh? I got your message.
Since when are you having a party?
Since it became clear
obviously I have some more work to do.
B., you don't have to do this. Yes, I do.
Marcus dated the descendant of Princess grace.
His consort needs to be able to host royal dinners
and hobnob with oligarchs and dictators.
Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator,
I don't know who can. Dan likes soccer, right?
Or "football," as Marcus calls it.
You think it'd be too weird if he came? Um, no, not necessarily.
Good. You'll call him? Wait, so does this mean
you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality?
As long as he knows his arse from his arsenal,
I think he's aces. Well, this could be a good opportunity
for us to get together and talk.
You know, I have been thinking about the breakup... Ugh! What is to think about?
You're finally free from downer Dan,
and I have my old Serena back.
So come on. There's lots of work to do.
(Elevator bell dings)
Nate.
Hey. Look, could I, uh, could I talk to you for a second?
I'm actually in the middle of something. Oh. Do you have a girl here?
I mean, what about your devotion to Blair?
It's not a girl. It's business.
I'm, uh, liquidating my shares in victrola.
Wait, you're selling the club? But you love that place.
Chuck, if you're trying to impress Blair...
I mean, come on. Look, what you said in the limo was right.
If I'm gonna compete with this guy,
maybe, but given the situation, it's the right thing to do.
And, uh, I should probably get back to it.
The sooner I get it done,
the sooner I can brag about it to Blair.
Okay. All right. I, um, I'll see ya.
(Beeping)
(Elevator bell dings)
Hey.
(Nate in distance) Yeah. What's going on?
What are you up to right now?
Is this gonna take much longer?
I told Mrs. Archibald we could have it done by tonight.
Hey. Hey. It's me. Hey, you. Did you get my message?
Yeah. Yeah, and listen, before you say anything else,
I just want to let you know that, uh,
this morning, on the... on the bus...
Yeah, we didn't exactly stick to the plan, did we?
Well, uh, no. The plan was deeply flawed.
I think we overestimated our powers of restraint...
(Chuckles) Or, uh, i-i-i did, at least.
Yeah, me, too, but then I realized something.
Yeah, me, too. Really?
Yeah, well, uh...
I-I think if we want to figure anything out for real,
you know, we... we... we do need to take some time... alone.
Oh.
Sure.
Yeah, um, but Blair's not gonna like that.
Blair?
(Sighs)
Yeah, it's actually why I called.
Your knowledge of premier league football
is integral to one of her schemes.
She just wants you to come to a party. A party?
Yeah, well, I'll be there,
and I really wanna see you.
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we can start with the new plan tomorrow.
You know, they're obviously just trying to scare us
to get us to rat out my dad. You do know where he is, right?
Yeah, but...
I couldn't.
Even after everything he's done.
Just had to put it out there.
But if the worst-case scenario comes true,
I promise my sister and I will give your mom
some good pointers on how to do more with less.
(Laughs) I'd love to see that. (Laughs)
The salvation army's having a bag sale on Saturday,
and Ruby knows this place in the village
that has two-for-one taco night.
Stop it.
(Cell phone rings) Um, just one second, okay?
(Ring)
(Beep)
Hey, mom.
Hey, Nate.
I just wanted to apologize for scaring you this morning.
It turns out I was able to fix things after all.
How? You didn't tell them where dad is, did you?
Of course not.
I just got a loan from a family friend.
From who? That doesn't matter.
Okay, but I just find it hard to believe
that you opened up to one of the book club ladies
and told them we're completely broke.
He's not in book club. He's outside of my regular circle.
Oh, so you just asked someone you barely know for money? I didn't ask. He offered, and when I tried to refuse,
he insisted that it was the right thing to do. The right thing to do?
You said he's outside of your regular circle?
Is he in mine?
Nate, please stop it. Let me do this.
Okay, fine. I won't bring it up again. (Beep)
(Sighs)
Everything okay?
No, actually, it's not. Look, I gotta go.
I'll come back later tonight, but I have to find Chuck first.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, the place looks great.
I'm so glad I called you.
I really missed you this summer. (Beep)
Thanks.
Me, too.
Charles bass?
I'm sorry.
I wasn't expecting anyone so young or so beautiful.
Just because I didn't give birth to Marcus
doesn't mean I'm any less interested in his well-being.
I don't usually take meetings with children, Charles,
so what do you have to say for yourself?
Plenty.
Lordy, lordy, look who's 40...
Or at least a well-preserved 38.
We knew Chuck had a thing for older women,
but is this risky business or strictly business?
♫♫
(Boccherini's "minuet from 'string quintet in e major'"
(playing)
(Chuckles)
Wasn't that wonderful?
Thank you, Ingrid and Beatrice.
I'm Ingrid. She's Beatrice.
That's what I said.
Ah! I just love Mozart.
Uh, that wasn't Mozart.
Come, come.
Blair, who are these people?
Dorota invited them. (Laughs)
Uh, no...
(Blair) Dan, hi! I'm sorry.
Come meet the lord. Okay.
Uh, h-hello, lord. I'm Dan Humphrey.
Marcus beaton. Nice to meet you, Dan.
Do... do you know Serena?
I do.
He does.
Dan is a football fanatic.
He's a huge Chelsea fan.
Oh, me, too. I just love the balenciaga store. (Chuckles)
Freshen your drink?
Mm. Yes, please.
So, uh...
Sh-she actually refers to him as "the lord"?
(Laughs) Yeah.
I'm so glad you're here.
(Scoffs) Chuck.
The name's Dan.
No, Chuck's here, and Blair didn't invite him.
Maybe he's her plus-one.
(Speaks indistinctly)
What are you doing here? Blair.
That's Nate's...
Mom's friend.
Um, I have to go. I'll be back.
I thought you might like to meet my friend.
Why? So she can warn me about the effects of too much Botox?
Blair, is it?
I'm duchess beaton.
The duchess?
Nice to meet you.
(Wes hutchinson) ♫ now that it's all behind me ♫
A little soon for flowers, no?
Just a few finishing touches.
A much better job than I could've ever done. You just weren't here to do it.
Sure, but you were.
How would you like to continue?
Why? Where have you been all day?
I, uh, had a meeting with Tanya donelly.
She has a college tour coming up.
Another tour?
What do Dan and Jenny think?
Well, before I ask them,
I wanted to see if it was even possible.
Alison's open to coming back for a while longer,
but I know that summer's over, and you've got your schoolwork.
Yeah, homeschooling really ties me up.
If, however, you're asking
if I don't mind sticking around while you're away,
it's not exactly brain surgery.
But are you really sure you wanna leave so soon?
Well, if I'm honest, I'm not sure what I want.
This was supposed to be my chance
to get it all out of my system.
But I didn't know how much I missed it.
I'm not done.
Wow. That is honest.
Well, whatever you decide, I loved fixing up the place,
and I'd be happy to stick around.
Just let me know.
Thanks.
Come on. If you really like him, just apologize.
What good will it do me now?
(Classical music playing)
Duchess?
I am so sorry about what I said about the Botox.
Your work is flawless.
Look, I know you're here with Chuck,
and I can only imagine what he's said about me...
Limo sex,
social torture of freshmen, blackmail.
But I assure you, there is an explanation for all of it.
Save your breath, Blair.
Chuck didn't tell me a thing.
Oh. He didn't?
Wait. He... he didn't? I told him not to bother.
None of it makes any difference to me,
because nothing will change the fact
that despite your best efforts...
Which are completely transparent, by the way...
Marcus is never going to end up with a lowly Waldorf.
Nate.
Um... Hey.
Nate? Catherine?
You two know each other?
No. No, no, no. Yeah, well, just from book club this summer.
But that's it. They've had no other personal contact.
Uh, Blair's dating Catherine's stepson.
And, Catherine, Nate's Blair's ex.
What's this?
Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son,
and Nate and Blair are exes,
and Nate and the mother are in a book club?
Now there's a novel plot twist.
This party's a complete bust.
My whole life's a bust.
Well, it serves you right.
You were scheming to convince Marcus
you're someone you're not.
But my intentions were good.
I really do like him. I just...
As soon as I knew he liked me,
I would have relaxed and dropped the manipulative plotting
and devoted myself to being the best girlfriend ever.
See? Thank you.
There's my b. Show this girl to Catherine,
and she'll want you to be with Marcus.
This is you. Just be yourself.
She made "Waldorf" rhyme with "Spears."
I may as well have gone commando
and held my party at Nyla's burger basket.
Fine.
While you stand here and feel sorry for yourself
and denigrate the fine people of kentwood,
I'm gonna go find Dan.
Cheer up.
(Indistinct conversations)
I can't believe you'd do this to me.
Bring the duchess to Blair's party? What do you care?
No, I know about the money.
Nate...
No. You weren't trying to sell victrola to impress Blair.
You did it to loan my family money? Look, you say it like it's a bad thing.
No, and maybe you were just doing it to be a friend,
but I would never let you do that, and you knew that,
which is why you didn't tell me. Yes, it is. So what?
So what? You go behind my back and make a deal with my mom?
She called me to see if I thought you were okay.
I didn't know what she was talking about,
because you didn't tell me anything was wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong... My best friend lying to my face.
Look, normally, I would agree with you.
But for your mom to open up to me about something like this,
it has to be pretty bad?
I'll handle it, okay? How?
Dan, hey. You leaving?
Yeah, I have to get Jenny from the train.
I-I didn't know if you were coming back, so... How about coming with you?
Why don't we get out of here?
Who are we kidding?
What do you say we just forget thinking
and follow our hearts?
Mmm.
Are you sure that's your heart you're following? 'Cause...
(Laughs) Shut up, or I'll change my mind.
Hey, clearly, there are other forces at work here
in the universe, so...
Mmm. Forces much more powerful than us.
(Dan and Serena moaning and laughing)
I'm glad we had this little talk. (Laughs)
Oh, are you two back together or...
Uh, uh, no. This was just a little, uh, friendly...
Kiss, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Okay. Are you coming? (Cell phone alert beeps)
Uh, no, no. You guys, uh, you guys should go ahead.
Oh. Good.
'Cause, uh, this elevator's gonna be in use.
Hey. This is so messed up.
Your ex dating my stepson? Yes, it is.
But I actually do know you, Nate.
That isn't what's bothering you.
Well, I think I'm starting to get it, you know,
how things are gonna be now that the summer's over.
I mean, it would be kind of nice
to have someone who could actually be there.
But when the best version of the situation
is that I'm gonna become Blair's father-in-law?
I think it's just time to move on, Catherine. No, wait, Nate.
Come on, I'm here now, and I want to talk.
Just tell me what's going on.
(Beep)
(Woman's automated voice) You have one unheard message.
(Beep) Unheard message.
(Jenny) Hey, dad. It's me. Um, I talked to Dan,
so he's gonna pick me up at the train station.
So I'll just see you at home, but... oh, my god! Stop it!
Sorry, dad. I gotta go kick Eric's ass in a water fight.
Love you. Bye.
(Seabear's "cat piano" playing)
♫ half-remembered ♫
♫ drunken nights ♫
♫ the sun stayed up like ♫
♫ a diamond in the sky ♫
♫ I woke up ♫
♫ where have you been? ♫
Yeah. Hey, Tanya. It's me... Rufus.
I think Anne Archibald would rather die
than lose her house, her things. They're her whole identity.
That's why I'm not gonna let that happen.
I'll find a way. God, but it's not what she's gonna have to live without.
It's what she's gonna have to live with.
I mean, a scandal will destroy her.
Can you imagine her watching her house seized,
her grandmother's jewels up for auction? I told you, I'll figure something out.
I can handle this. I just need some time.
Yeah.
You can take care of this...
With my help.
It'd just be between you and me. No one would have to know.
I care about you, Nate. I would do it for you.
And what would I have to do for you?
(Santogold's "creator" playing)
Dorota, have you seen the duchess?
In library.
♫♫
♫ Got no need for the fancy things ♫
♫ all the attention that it brings ♫
♫ tell me no, I say, "yes, I was chosen" ♫
♫ and I will deliver the explosion ♫
(Kissing sounds, moaning)
Oh, my effing god!
Well, I don't have to explain myself to you.
No explanation necessary. I think I got it.
Catherine?
She'll just be one more minute, if you don't mind.
Here you go.
Can I just say how sorry I am that I judged you earlier?
You judged me?
I thought you were just a callow, social-climbing
former swimsuit model who married above her station
only to be enslaved by her own insecurities.
But now that I've seen you
rolling around on the floor with my adolescent ex,
I understand you have a compassionate side, too.
What are you saying, Blair?
That I think you'll find it in your heart
to take pity on me,
and in spite of my common, lowly, unroyal ways,
accept that I have true feelings for Marcus
and that he has them for me, too.
I think that would be the best thing for both of us, don't you?
Oh, there you are. (Catherine and Blair) Hello, darling.
Am I too late?
As soon as I heard you were at Blair's party, duchess,
I knew I had to find you and do damage control.
Is there still time, or have you already scared Blair off?
Not at all, dear. Blair here is a treat.
I can see why you're so fond of her.
She never likes my girlfriends.
She just had to get to know the real me.
Did you say girlfriend?
She asked you to make her a dress? I know, right? I already did some sketches on the train.
Dad! Jenny! Hey!
Oh! I missed you! It's so good to see you.
Mmm. And a kitchen full of food. I'm starving. Hey, dad.
Yeah, a little caprese salad, a little gnocchi with Pesto. Yummy!
Ooh. First Humphrey family meal of the fall...
I figured we should do something special. Yeah.
I want to hear all about the Hamptons
so does Dan. Did you hear he finished his? Oh, it finally has an ending?
Uh, well, this chapter does, yeah. Chapter?
Oh, a novel. That's not ambitious. Yeah.
Hmm. Someone must think his life's pretty fascinating. Oh, thanks for the support, guys.
You're both being written out. Well, what about you, dad?
You were the one on the great American road trip.
Any, uh, stories worthy of your memoir? Oh, you know, it was fun, but there's no place like home.
Aw! Oh, that's an original thought.
You know, if you do write a memoir,
you should think about a ghostwriter. You know, I told you that your back
could never handle those bunk beds. Mm. Face it, dad. You're getting old.
Yep. That's it all right. This looks good.
(Dan) It looks fantastic. (Jenny speaks indistinctly)
You were right, as usual.
Well, I don't want to say I told you so, but...
All I had to do was just be myself, and Catherine loved me.
Oh, I'm proud of you, b. (Laughs)
Oh...
Great.
Actually, Serena, can we have a second?
Mm.
Um, I'll take that.
(Serena) I'll just leave... Leave you two alone.
Did you enjoy meeting duchess beaton?
I did.
That's not sarcasm in your voice. It's...
Victory. I know.
Your plan to ruin me totally backfired.
It turns out Marcus' mommy is even sicker than you are.
You got along great.
I think she recognized a part of herself in me.
Or rather, I recognized someone in her.
I don't follow. All you need to know is that you lost.
But don't be too hard on yourself.
It was a solid effort. Tomorrow's another day.
Good night, Chuck. Good night, Blair.
(Lcd soundsystem) ♫ New York I love you ♫
♫ but you're bringing me down ♫
(Cell phone rings)
Hey, Nate.
Hey.
So that maybe took a little longer than you thought.
A little bit, yeah.
Uh, hey, listen. I'm... I'm so sorry,
but I'm not gonna be able to make it back tonight.
I-I figured. It... it's okay. I was tired anyway.
So we'll hang out another time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. Um...
So... so look, I'll call you later, okay?
Okay. Bye.
Bye.
♫ Jesus, where do I start? ♫
♫ But you're still the one pool where I'd happily drown ♫
(Blows)
♫ and, oh ♫
♫ take me off your mailing list ♫
♫ for kids who think it still exists ♫
♫ yes, for those who think it still exists ♫
♫ maybe I'm wrong, and maybe you're right ♫
Are we good?
We're good.
♫ Maybe I'm wrong, and just maybe you're right ♫
♫ and, oh ♫
Every summer, vacationers traverse the globe
in search of new sights and experiences.
But when it comes to scandal,
I'll take Manhattan every time.
Welcome home, upper east siders.
You know you missed me.
X.o.x.o., gossip girl.