1 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,570 Isn't this nice? 2 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:09,487 It feels good knowing the only thing going on in our lives 3 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,621 right now is a new loose leaf tea kettle. 4 00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,318 After the year we had, 5 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,494 I could get used to these low-key days. 6 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,670 I love you, F-F-F-- 7 00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,847 Fire station open houses! 8 00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,719 - [horns honking] - Oh! 9 00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,155 - Oh! - [tires screeching] 10 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:26,678 Fire station open house, Francine! 11 00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:27,505 C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! 12 00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,681 [groans] 13 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:30,682 [horn honks] 14 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,684 Aaaaaah! 15 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:34,556 Where are you going? 16 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,515 [patriotic music plays] 17 00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,735 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 18 00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:43,869 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day♪ 19 00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:46,872 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪ 20 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:51,051 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race♪ 21 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,447 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪ 22 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,536 - ♪ Good --♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 23 00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,711 Aah! 24 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:04,673 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 25 00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:07,154 ♪ 26 00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,546 Good job. 27 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:09,591 Put out that fire. 28 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,158 [horn blaring] 29 00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,463 I found the horn! 30 00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,293 Aw, man, these are great. 31 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:21,559 So, we've gone over some basic fire safety. 32 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:22,821 Are there any questions? 33 00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,432 Why is fire so hot? 34 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,347 Dumb. Dumb question. 35 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,262 Uh, maybe because it's burning. 36 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:29,611 [laughs] 37 00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,396 [laughs] 38 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,399 Okay, folks, get your raffle tickets out. 39 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,401 Time to see who'll be Langley's 40 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,925 - Honorary Firefighter! - Wait, what did he say? 41 00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,667 The winner will get to spend a week 42 00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,756 hanging with us, learning, 43 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,891 and maybe even go on the truck to a real fire. 44 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,284 There's a raffle? 45 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,372 But I didn't buy a ticket. 46 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,243 31. 47 00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,766 Wait, please let this pancake be my ticket. 48 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,333 Who has 31? 49 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,727 31? 50 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,469 I think that's me. 51 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,253 WOMAN [British accent]: Now that you've threaded 52 00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,690 your needle, you'll need to bring the point down 53 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,257 and through the canvas. 54 00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,954 Down and -- 55 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,565 - Outta my way! - Ow! 56 00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,522 What the hell?! 57 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,437 [grunting] 58 00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,831 Stan, you're really redefining 59 00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,268 the concept of "open kitchen." 60 00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:19,878 [laughs] 61 00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,620 I will swallow you whole. 62 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:25,797 Whoa, talk about an open kitch-- 63 00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,321 No, Hayley, don't! 64 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,239 - [gasps] - Why, Dad, why?! 65 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,805 He's having a meltdown 66 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,938 because I won some raffle 67 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,201 to spend a week with the Fire Department. 68 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,855 I've always longed to be a firefighter, 69 00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:41,509 and I was so close, 70 00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:44,990 until a certain sexy little Benedict Arnold 71 00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,254 hypnotized me with her long legs 72 00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,603 into forgetting there was a raffle. 73 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,213 Oh, grow up. 74 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,607 You've been like this since the day we got married. 75 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,652 A highly sexual and reasonable man? 76 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:58,526 A man who overreacts when he doesn't get his way. 77 00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:01,746 Oh, and I suppose you'd call this an overreaction. 78 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:02,747 Hayley, turn on the stove. 79 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,880 Steve, time me. 80 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,186 Fire! 81 00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:11,452 Can I just say that I have a needle inside me?! 82 00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,715 Whoa! 83 00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,457 - Time. - Enough, Stan. 84 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:19,416 I'm obviously gonna give you the raffle ticket. 85 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,853 Do you mean it? I get to go fire-manning? 86 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,769 Yeah, Stan, I just hope it makes you happy. 87 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:27,511 Oh, it does, Francine. It really does. 88 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,429 ♪ 89 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,388 Hey, thanks for helping me present 90 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,780 this environmental report. 91 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:38,479 I-I get so nervous speaking in public. 92 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,568 No, thank you, Hayley. 93 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,310 For showing me what's really going on in this town. 94 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,007 These corporations. 95 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,878 These sleazeballs. 96 00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,619 These thugs. [hocks] 97 00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,665 Stop spitting on me! 98 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,537 Next up, Uncle... Roger? 99 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,322 The topic of biodiversity loss 100 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,759 and its effect on local grasslands and mangroves. 101 00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,543 Oof, now I'm nervous. 102 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,849 You got this. 103 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,942 Alright, trees in the park, blah blah blah. 104 00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,553 Cut 'em all down, I say. Here's the real deal. 105 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,903 The ancient art of Knife Throwing. 106 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,078 God damn it. 107 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:15,690 I am Rudolfo Mayerling. 108 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,910 After years spent quietly perfecting my craft -- 109 00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,956 and in court with a badly wounded assistant -- 110 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,654 I am here to announce a two-night performance 111 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:27,832 in which I will present the most daring act ever put to stage. 112 00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:30,792 And for the big finish of my presentation... 113 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,056 [crowd "ohhs"] 114 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,886 Flyers for my show. 115 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,627 Oh, wait, I grabbed the wrong stack. 116 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,759 High school air guitar competition? 117 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:42,804 Oh, damn, I could win that. 118 00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,936 Anyway, come to my knife show. 119 00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:47,591 ♪ 120 00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:50,333 You know, Klaus, I'm a patient woman, 121 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:53,423 but it's like they're not even trying to resurrect 122 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,859 the World's Fair. 123 00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,513 [cellphone rings] 124 00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:59,473 Oh, it's our little firefighter. 125 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,778 Hi, honey. 126 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,040 Not good, actually. 127 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,868 It's not like my dreams at all. 128 00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,393 I thought it would be 60% fighting fires 129 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:08,133 and the other half shooting the breeze. 130 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,397 But they got me cookin' casseroles 'round the clock, 131 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,050 and I think they're bullying me. 132 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:15,619 Unless, is, "Hurry up, casser-hole" a compliment? 133 00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,622 Aw, God, I knew it. 134 00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,798 The only thing I get to do is drive the truck -- 135 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,887 Really? That sounds amazing. 136 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,802 Can I finish? Can I finish? 137 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,935 I can only use it to go to Trader Joe's 138 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,980 for more casserole ingredients. 139 00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,636 Well, Stan, you could always just not do any of this. 140 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,596 Quit? I knew you wouldn't get it. 141 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:38,599 Thank God I'm here, surrounded by my real friends. 142 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,775 Alright, I gotta go. The guys put a shit-ton 143 00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,603 of IcyHot on my balls and anus. 144 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:51,046 So, what do we need to get to fix the kitchen? 145 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,483 Plaster, some primer, 146 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,399 three people that know what they're doing. 147 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,183 STAN: Excuse me. Sorry. I know, I know. 148 00:05:58,227 --> 00:06:00,751 I'm sorry. It's a fire truck, okay? 149 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,406 Wow, they really do send him here. 150 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,103 - [horn honking] - You can't park that here! 151 00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:08,150 Gimme a break. I just need 10 spots in a row to open up. 152 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,847 Ugh, great. 153 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,589 You know he's gonna bring home all that frustration 154 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,025 and drag us down with him. 155 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,158 They should just let him put out a fire. 156 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,986 Throw him a bone, ya know? 157 00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:21,511 That might be what we all need. 158 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:23,948 [farts] 159 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,037 Mind cracking the window if you -- 160 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,738 A little fire is all he needs. 161 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,523 This'll do. 162 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,570 And I know I've got matches in here somewhere. 163 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,702 Phone. Brick. 164 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,922 - What up, Franny-y-y-y! - Got 'em. 165 00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,535 [ominous music plays] 166 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:46,884 [blows] 167 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,190 [glass shatters] 168 00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:58,896 ♪ 169 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,550 Hi. 170 00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,509 Oh, my. 171 00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,558 Stan! 172 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:09,777 I-I -- 173 00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,735 Aye aye aye is right. 174 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,084 That fire was hot. 175 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,216 And I put it out. 176 00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,914 Did you see? I'm a firefighter. 177 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:19,090 That felt. So good. 178 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,092 Yeah, it... 179 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,964 - did. - I wanna do it again. 180 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,532 - I need to. - Me, too. 181 00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:26,794 [horn honking] 182 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,535 What? I'm a hero. 183 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,710 I know that! 184 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,625 These are now honks of support! 185 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,671 ♪ 186 00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:38,283 And since I put the fire out and got the casserole fixings -- 187 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,764 maple bacon sweet potato for the win, beyotch -- 188 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,984 the whole team said I'm one of them now. 189 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,594 More Crêpes Suzette, anyone? 190 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,204 TOGETHER: No, thank you. 191 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,642 I'm gonna get to go on calls for actual fires. 192 00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,644 Opa! 193 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,039 Okay, I'd better shove off. 194 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,911 Walk me to the door, my beloveds? 195 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,869 - Sure. - You got it, Pops. 196 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,135 Alright, lady, what's the deal? 197 00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:07,617 I saw your face after you started that fire. 198 00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,663 Did you...like it? 199 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,968 No! 200 00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,883 I-I dunno. 201 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:16,147 There was something about striking the match, 202 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:21,631 seeing the flame grow and become so untamed. 203 00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:24,678 I did feel this release. 204 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549 And you saw Stan. 205 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,246 If it's not doing any harm 206 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,640 and makes things better around here... 207 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:33,251 He was pleasant just now. 208 00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,864 So long as it doesn't become a destructive fixation for you, 209 00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,649 which I'm seeing no warning signs of yet, 210 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:43,218 this could be a classic two birds one stone situation. 211 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,002 Aren't those the best? 212 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,744 Like how cigarettes taste good and suppress 213 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,572 your appetite to keep you skinny. 214 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,835 Yes! Yes. 215 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:55,883 A wonderful comparison to a wonderful product. 216 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:02,063 For years, my knife throwing peers have bored us 217 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,718 with displays of sticking the knife's tip 218 00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,981 within a fraction of an inch of their subject. 219 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,635 - Can we go? - We live here. 220 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:12,943 Tonight, I will debut the mark of the "Artful Wound." 221 00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:15,380 For a true master does not miss. 222 00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,686 But cuts... 223 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,296 and draws a single. 224 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,734 Drop. Of blood. 225 00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,170 Sa-sah! 226 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,214 Oh, shit. 227 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,260 Okay, this is gonna be bad. 228 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,784 My assistant Benny. 229 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:32,615 ♪ 230 00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,183 Let's begin. 231 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,098 Knife man! 232 00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,578 Damn it. 233 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,799 Pop dat! Whoa! 234 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,845 Teeee'yop Corner! 235 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,803 Left-handed! Bank Shot! 236 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,806 Buncha knives at once! 237 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,417 Benny, stop flinching, it's making me nervous. 238 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:54,158 - Roger. - Oh, hey, Steve. 239 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,725 Stop doing this. 240 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,248 Oh, don't worry. This is all part of the act. 241 00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,989 They don't want to see perfection. 242 00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,296 They want to think something could go wrong. 243 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,080 People are so sick. 244 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,822 Now for my final throw of the evening. 245 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:08,303 I present -- the Artful Wound. 246 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:09,826 [audience gasps] 247 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,220 Shame! Shame on you! 248 00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,918 This is gonna be insane. 249 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:22,143 ♪ 250 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,884 Aaaaaah! 251 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,364 - [audience gasps] - Ooh, baby! 252 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,283 No one'll miss this thing. 253 00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:38,202 [glass shatters] 254 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,991 Oh! 255 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,258 A barn out in the boonies? 256 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,260 The heck happened? 257 00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,787 Chief, this wrapper looks just like the one 258 00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,049 from the Dumpster fire I put out. 259 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,141 I kept this as a souvenir. 260 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,708 Could it have been the same person? 261 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,318 Great instincts, Stan. 262 00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,885 What else do you see? 263 00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,757 - See? - In the patterns. 264 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,107 Me? Read fire patterns? 265 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,717 Okay...um... 266 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,806 this spot...tells me... 267 00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,374 she's a woman? A mother? 268 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:22,943 Um, overshadowed by a bigger personality at home. 269 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,858 She's always making sacrifices. 270 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,860 Well, we can all see the surface patterns. 271 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:29,427 Go deeper. 272 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,517 Drinks to cope, but it's not doing the job anymore. 273 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,390 She's adopted, fell down a well as a child, 274 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,741 stints in acting, body building, muffin sales, 275 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,830 had her vagina displayed in a museum -- 276 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,527 That one's just obvious. 277 00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,356 And by the looks of it, she's just getting started. 278 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,488 But so. 279 00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:47,532 Am. 280 00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:49,752 I. 281 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,319 It could also be a guy, I guess. 282 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,886 ♪ 283 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,932 ♪ Only you, baby 284 00:11:55,976 --> 00:12:00,415 ♪ Can put out this fire 285 00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:03,897 ♪ Only you, baby 286 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,769 ♪ Can put out this fire 287 00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,206 ♪ Burning in my soul 288 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,338 ♪ Only you, baby 289 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035 WOMAN: Casseroles. 290 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:15,169 ♪ Can put out this fire 291 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,564 ♪ Only you, baby 292 00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:20,827 Francine! 293 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,267 What are you doing here? 294 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,790 Um... 295 00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,052 l-looking for this. 296 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:36,277 In any event, I'm glad you're here to see me in action. 297 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,236 There's an arsonist on the loose and I'm the lead investigator. 298 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,370 They're letting you move up fast. 299 00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,806 Yeah, it's honestly pretty concerning. 300 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,373 I've done zero training. 301 00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,984 But that won't stop me from catching this crook. 302 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,117 Nothing will. 303 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,859 ♪ 304 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,079 Though the chapter of my life as a firefighter is ending, 305 00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,602 and so soon after declaring 306 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,561 that nothing would stop me from catching the arsonist, 307 00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:02,216 I cherish the fact that the memories and friends 308 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,609 I made along the way are forever. 309 00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,569 Firefighters number three and number one especially. 310 00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,223 You must be relieved. 311 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,834 Now that Stan's retiring, you can, too. 312 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,531 Retire? 313 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,230 I'm sure he'll still wanna put some out. 314 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,841 I'll keep the fires going just to be safe. 315 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:21,888 Francine, you have a problem. 316 00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,281 This is going to be a joke, but please don't laugh. 317 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,543 You're playing with fire. 318 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,328 CHIEF: Hey, Stan, 319 00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,286 what was your favorite fire from this week? 320 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:31,462 Oh, man, there were so many. 321 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:35,249 The old barn, the old go-kart park, the match factory. 322 00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,077 FRANCINE [thinking]: There were so many, 323 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,122 and more to come. 324 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,953 Where you going, honey? 325 00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,389 I'm about to hand off the arson case 326 00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,348 to the new volunteer for next week. 327 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,960 Yeah-yeah-yeah, great. I gotta run. 328 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,353 We need more stuff for the crap. 329 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,226 Francine, you dropped... 330 00:13:57,706 --> 00:14:03,364 ♪ 331 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,887 What happened to your dress? 332 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,497 Isn't it obvious? 333 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,977 I'm tearing off pieces, 334 00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,674 shovin' 'em in a bottle of vodka, 335 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,894 and using it to start fires. 336 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,504 [both laugh] 337 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:14,636 [laughing] 338 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,159 Wait, no. 339 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,074 She was really saying real. 340 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,294 [hip-hop music plays] 341 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,513 ♪ Oh, makin' those flames grow♪ 342 00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:25,081 ♪ You know I gotta start those in-fer-nos ♪ 343 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,215 ♪ But watch me maintain, cuz a Franny like me ♪ 344 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,999 ♪ Is to-tally sane 345 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,393 ♪ I'm sane in the membrane 346 00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,395 ♪ I'm sane, in my brains 347 00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:38,181 ANNOUNCER: Okay, that was K-97's "Beats with no lyrics, 348 00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,357 so you can freestyle rap in the car" Tuesdays. 349 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,316 Up next, a Latin Trap Beat -- 350 00:14:42,359 --> 00:14:43,621 [cellphone rings] 351 00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,536 Helloooo! 352 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,104 You're the arsonist. How could you? 353 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:52,413 Well, it started because I wanted to help you, like usual. 354 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:55,938 But then it awakened something irresistible in me. 355 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,375 So what, you have some kind of freak fire fetish now? 356 00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:01,248 Do you dress in all black leather bondage outfits? 357 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,553 With nothing covering your privates 358 00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,555 but, like, strips of tape? 359 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,122 Cracking... 360 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,255 flaming whips and, uh -- 361 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,473 [gulps] 362 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,258 Sorry, I need a second. 363 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:16,306 Listen, I know "society" doesn't like "serial arsonists." 364 00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:19,657 So once I complete my masterpiece, 365 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,616 where it all began, 366 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,444 I'll be done. 367 00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:26,055 But more likely I'll do it forever 'cause I love it. 368 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,449 Turn back now, or I'm turning you in. 369 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,061 Ha! You're funnier than Ray Romano. 370 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,497 You don't even know where I'll be. 371 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:38,372 Wait. "Where it all began"? 372 00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,461 Oh, my God. It must be -- 373 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,028 Who are you talkin' to, Stan? 374 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,246 Was it the arsonist? 375 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,987 - How'd she get your number? - Um... 376 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,207 Stan, if you know something... 377 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,512 Uhhhh... 378 00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,210 Spit it out, numb nuts. 379 00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,341 We have to hurry. 380 00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,647 She's gonna burn down the firehouse. 381 00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,041 - The firehouse?! - Hey! 382 00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,304 Thanks for the invite to your little cookout. 383 00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:01,090 Real cool to see that going on right outside my window! 384 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:02,744 [spectator coughs] 385 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:08,097 Anyway, I will now shock and dazzle you 386 00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:10,621 with a grand Knife Throwing finale. 387 00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,624 First, I will need a volunteer. 388 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,278 Yes, you in the back. 389 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,065 STEVE [in distance]: Oh, hey, Roger. 390 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,110 Want to see this cute baby owl video? 391 00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,591 Hey, let go of my hand. Hey! 392 00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,114 Roger, stop it. 393 00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:26,681 Let go! This isn't funny! 394 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,117 I'm not wearing that. 395 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,685 Ow! Roger, please -- Ow! 396 00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,643 What are you doing?! 397 00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:34,776 Roger. Seriously. Stop. 398 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,692 I'm begging you! 399 00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:41,652 I'm just a child! 400 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,177 Nooooooooooooo! 401 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,615 Now, my Grand Finale -- part one. 402 00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,617 Stop this! 403 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,445 Denise, you need to get here right now. 404 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,577 [crying] 405 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:58,843 Aah! Aah! 406 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,671 Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! 407 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,151 [audience gasps] 408 00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,153 Aah! 409 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:06,416 [thud, audience gasps] 410 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,596 I'm...alive. 411 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:16,557 [audience gasps] 412 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:20,865 The Artful Wound. 413 00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,519 The Mark of the Master. 414 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,826 [cheers and applause] 415 00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:26,349 Thank you, thank you. 416 00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:29,396 - Now, the true Finale. - Wait, what? 417 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:32,573 See, my act was always about holding a mirror up to you, 418 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,792 the audience, and your sordid cravings. 419 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,185 Look under your seats. 420 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,839 Some of you will find a knife. 421 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,885 I invite you now to face your darkest desire, 422 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,365 if you dare. 423 00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:43,323 By throwing... 424 00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:44,367 a knife... 425 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,108 at me. Ow. Ow! 426 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,501 Ow. Uhp. Ow. 427 00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:49,416 Wow, that's a lotta knives hitting me. 428 00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:52,767 Don't remember putting this many under...the...seats. 429 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:57,728 Uhp, okay, some of you clearly brought knives from home. 430 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,426 [siren wailing] 431 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,168 Oh, I can't wait to bust this sicko. 432 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,213 - She's a monster! - An animal! 433 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,345 She's human! 434 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,520 She's hurting. 435 00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:07,782 And I love her. 436 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,134 I wanna spray her with water so friggin' bad! 437 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,309 - Yeah! - Yeah! 438 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,485 [horn honking] 439 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,798 No fire. What's goin' on? 440 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,278 Borrowing this. 441 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,193 [siren wailing] 442 00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,411 Guys... 443 00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,805 if he doesn't bring that back... 444 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,676 we'll have to close the fire station. 445 00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,506 ♪ 446 00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:37,551 [glass shatters] 447 00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:38,856 [explosion] 448 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:43,426 ♪ 449 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:44,949 [glass shatters] 450 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:48,779 ♪ 451 00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,347 This feels good. 452 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,436 But not the most good. 453 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,699 I may have to burn a person next. 454 00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,832 - Francine! - Aah! 455 00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,312 Well, hello to you, too. 456 00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,229 How'd you even know I'd be here? 457 00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:06,754 You said "where it all began," plus the Ray Romano jab. 458 00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,886 That could only mean one thing -- 459 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,932 You were going to the place where we got married. 460 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,412 Aah! Uhh! 461 00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,199 I booked our wedding at my dream venue -- 462 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897 Knee Slapperz Comedy Club, but Ray Romano 463 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,465 showed up five minutes before to do a surprise set, 464 00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:23,640 and we got bumped. 465 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:26,643 Yeah, and you had a meltdown. 466 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,342 But you scrambled and found this place. 467 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,822 You decorated the bins, filled them with ice... 468 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,390 a family of raccoons were the flower girls. 469 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,478 Aah! 470 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,264 Ta-daaa! 471 00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,527 Whoa! 472 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,311 It's too late, Stan. 473 00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:43,530 I can't stop. 474 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:44,879 Of course you can. 475 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,446 You only became an arsonist 476 00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,578 because I pushed you toward it all these years. 477 00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,885 Arsonist is such an ugly term. 478 00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,887 We prefer Friend of the Flame. 479 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,671 Or fire [bleep] 480 00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,805 I need to learn how to handle my disappointment myself, 481 00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,589 or at least take it out on the kids. 482 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,591 You do take it out on the kids. 483 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,897 I could do it more. 484 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,029 Oh, Stan. 485 00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,857 Thank you. 486 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,903 To be clear, though, this is messed up, what you're doing, 487 00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,948 and I think you should see a doctor in addition 488 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,776 to me being, like, more attentive. 489 00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,256 Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah, totes. 490 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,606 - [explosion] - [coughing] 491 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,652 How are we gonna get out of here? 492 00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:21,829 Baby, all you do is sacrifice for me. 493 00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:24,397 It's time I repay the favor. 494 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,313 We're gonna leave exactly how we did on our wedding day. 495 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:30,925 Except this time, I'm going to carry you. 496 00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:35,799 ♪ 497 00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,061 MAN: There's people in there! 498 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,541 Someone help them! 499 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:39,412 WOMAN: There they are! 500 00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,283 They're okay! 501 00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:43,459 - Ohhhh! - Ohhhh! 502 00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,765 He's not okay! 503 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,593 He's in terrible shape! 504 00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,424 MAN #2: He's gonna say something! 505 00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:56,037 [shrieking] 506 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,082 Bye! Have a great time!