1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,570
Isn't this nice?
2
00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:09,487
It feels good knowing the only
thing going on in our lives
3
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,621
right now
is a new loose leaf tea kettle.
4
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,318
After the year we had,
5
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,494
I could get used to
these low-key days.
6
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:18,670
I love you, F-F-F--
7
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:21,847
Fire station open houses!
8
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:25,155
Oh!
9
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:26,678
Fire station open house,
Francine!
10
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:27,505
C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!
11
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,684
Aaaaaah!
12
00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:34,556
Where are you going?
13
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,735
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
14
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:43,869
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
15
00:00:43,913 --> 00:00:46,872
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face♪
16
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:51,051
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race♪
17
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,447
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪
18
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,536
- ♪ Good --♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
19
00:00:58,580 --> 00:00:59,711
Aah!
20
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:04,673
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
21
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:08,546
Good job.
22
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:09,591
Put out that fire.
23
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,463
I found the horn!
24
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:16,293
Aw, man, these are great.
25
00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:21,559
So, we've gone over
some basic fire safety.
26
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:22,821
Are there any questions?
27
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,432
Why is fire so hot?
28
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,347
Dumb. Dumb question.
29
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,262
Uh, maybe because it's burning.
30
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,399
Okay, folks, get
your raffle tickets out.
31
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,401
Time to see who'll be Langley's
32
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,925
- Honorary Firefighter!
- Wait, what did he say?
33
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,667
The winner will get
to spend a week
34
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,756
hanging with us, learning,
35
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,891
and maybe even go
on the truck to a real fire.
36
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,284
There's a raffle?
37
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,372
But I didn't buy a ticket.
38
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,243
31.
39
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,766
Wait, please let this pancake
be my ticket.
40
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,333
Who has 31?
41
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,727
31?
42
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,469
I think that's me.
43
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,253
WOMAN
Now that you've threaded
44
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,690
your needle, you'll need
to bring the point down
45
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,257
and through the canvas.
46
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,954
Down and --
47
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,565
- Outta my way!
- Ow!
48
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,522
What the hell?!
49
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,831
Stan, you're really redefining
50
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,268
the concept of "open kitchen."
51
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,620
I will swallow you whole.
52
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:25,797
Whoa, talk about
an open kitch--
53
00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,321
No, Hayley, don't!
54
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,239
Why, Dad, why?!
55
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,805
He's having a meltdown
56
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,938
because I won some raffle
57
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,201
to spend a week
with the Fire Department.
58
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,855
I've always longed to be
a firefighter,
59
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:41,509
and I was so close,
60
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:44,990
until a certain sexy
little Benedict Arnold
61
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,254
hypnotized me
with her long legs
62
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,603
into forgetting
there was a raffle.
63
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,213
Oh, grow up.
64
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,607
You've been like this
since the day we got married.
65
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,652
A highly sexual
and reasonable man?
66
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:58,526
A man who overreacts
when he doesn't get his way.
67
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:01,746
Oh, and I suppose you'd
call this an overreaction.
68
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:02,747
Hayley, turn on the stove.
69
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,880
Steve, time me.
70
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,186
Fire!
71
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:11,452
Can I just say that I have
a needle inside me?!
72
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,715
Whoa!
73
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,457
- Time.
- Enough, Stan.
74
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:19,416
I'm obviously gonna give you
the raffle ticket.
75
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,853
Do you mean it?
I get to go fire-manning?
76
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,769
Yeah, Stan, I just hope
it makes you happy.
77
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:27,511
Oh, it does, Francine.
It really does.
78
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,388
Hey, thanks for
helping me present
79
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:35,780
this environmental report.
80
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:38,479
I-I get so nervous
speaking in public.
81
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,568
No, thank you, Hayley.
82
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,310
For showing me what's really
going on in this town.
83
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,007
These corporations.
84
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:46,878
These sleazeballs.
85
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,619
These thugs.
86
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,665
Stop spitting on me!
87
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,537
Next up, Uncle... Roger?
88
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,322
The topic of biodiversity loss
89
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,759
and its effect on local
grasslands and mangroves.
90
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,543
Oof, now I'm nervous.
91
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,849
You got this.
92
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,942
Alright, trees in the park,
blah blah blah.
93
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,553
Cut 'em all down, I say.
Here's the real deal.
94
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,903
The ancient art
of Knife Throwing.
95
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,078
God damn it.
96
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:15,690
I am Rudolfo Mayerling.
97
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,910
After years spent quietly
perfecting my craft --
98
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,956
and in court with
a badly wounded assistant --
99
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,654
I am here to announce
a two-night performance
100
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:27,832
in which I will present the most
daring act ever put to stage.
101
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:30,792
And for the big finish
of my presentation...
102
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,886
Flyers for my show.
103
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,627
Oh, wait, I grabbed
the wrong stack.
104
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,759
High school
air guitar competition?
105
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:42,804
Oh, damn, I could win that.
106
00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,936
Anyway, come to my knife show.
107
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:50,333
You know, Klaus,
I'm a patient woman,
108
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:53,423
but it's like they're not
even trying to resurrect
109
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,859
the World's Fair.
110
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:59,473
Oh, it's our little firefighter.
111
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:00,778
Hi, honey.
112
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,040
Not good, actually.
113
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,868
It's not like my dreams at all.
114
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:06,393
I thought it would be
60% fighting fires
115
00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:08,133
and the other half
shooting the breeze.
116
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,397
But they got me cookin'
casseroles 'round the clock,
117
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,050
and I think they're
bullying me.
118
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:15,619
Unless, is, "Hurry up,
casser-hole" a compliment?
119
00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,622
Aw, God, I knew it.
120
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,798
The only thing I get to do
is drive the truck --
121
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,887
Really? That sounds amazing.
122
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,802
Can I finish? Can I finish?
123
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,935
I can only use it
to go to Trader Joe's
124
00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:28,980
for more casserole ingredients.
125
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,636
Well, Stan, you could always
just not do any of this.
126
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,596
Quit? I knew you
wouldn't get it.
127
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:38,599
Thank God I'm here,
surrounded by my real friends.
128
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,775
Alright, I gotta go.
The guys put a shit-ton
129
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,603
of IcyHot on my balls and anus.
130
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:51,046
So, what do we need to get
to fix the kitchen?
131
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,483
Plaster, some primer,
132
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,399
three people that know
what they're doing.
133
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,183
Excuse me. Sorry.
I know, I know.
134
00:05:58,227 --> 00:06:00,751
I'm sorry.
It's a fire truck, okay?
135
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,406
Wow, they really
do send him here.
136
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,103
You can't park that here!
137
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:08,150
Gimme a break. I just need
10 spots in a row to open up.
138
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,847
Ugh, great.
139
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,589
You know he's gonna bring home
all that frustration
140
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,025
and drag us down with him.
141
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,158
They should just let him
put out a fire.
142
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,986
Throw him a bone, ya know?
143
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:21,511
That might be what we all need.
144
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,037
Mind cracking the window
if you --
145
00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,738
A little fire is all he needs.
146
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,523
This'll do.
147
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,570
And I know I've got matches
in here somewhere.
148
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,702
Phone. Brick.
149
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,922
- What up, Franny-y-y-y!
- Got 'em.
150
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,550
Hi.
151
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,509
Oh, my.
152
00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,558
Stan!
153
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:09,777
I-I --
154
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,735
Aye aye aye is right.
155
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,084
That fire was hot.
156
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,216
And I put it out.
157
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,914
Did you see?
I'm a firefighter.
158
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:19,090
That felt. So good.
159
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,092
Yeah, it...
160
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,964
- did.
- I wanna do it again.
161
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,532
- I need to.
- Me, too.
162
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,535
What? I'm a hero.
163
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,710
I know that!
164
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,625
These are now honks of support!
165
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:38,283
And since I put the fire out
and got the casserole fixings --
166
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,764
maple bacon sweet potato
for the win, beyotch --
167
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,984
the whole team said
I'm one of them now.
168
00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,594
More Crêpes Suzette, anyone?
169
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,204
No, thank you.
170
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,642
I'm gonna get to go on calls
for actual fires.
171
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,644
Opa!
172
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,039
Okay, I'd better shove off.
173
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:56,911
Walk me to the door,
my beloveds?
174
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:58,869
- Sure.
- You got it, Pops.
175
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,135
Alright, lady,
what's the deal?
176
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:07,617
I saw your face
after you started that fire.
177
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,663
Did you...like it?
178
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:10,968
No!
179
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:12,883
I-I dunno.
180
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:16,147
There was something
about striking the match,
181
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:21,631
seeing the flame grow
and become so untamed.
182
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:24,678
I did feel this release.
183
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549
And you saw Stan.
184
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,246
If it's not doing any harm
185
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,640
and makes things
better around here...
186
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:33,251
He was pleasant just now.
187
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,864
So long as it doesn't become
a destructive fixation for you,
188
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,649
which I'm seeing
no warning signs of yet,
189
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:43,218
this could be a classic
two birds one stone situation.
190
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,002
Aren't those the best?
191
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,744
Like how cigarettes taste good
and suppress
192
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,572
your appetite
to keep you skinny.
193
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,835
Yes! Yes.
194
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:55,883
A wonderful comparison
to a wonderful product.
195
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:02,063
For years, my knife throwing
peers have bored us
196
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,718
with displays of sticking
the knife's tip
197
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,981
within a fraction of an inch
of their subject.
198
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,635
- Can we go?
- We live here.
199
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:12,943
Tonight, I will debut the mark
of the "Artful Wound."
200
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:15,380
For a true master does not miss.
201
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,686
But cuts...
202
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,296
and draws a single.
203
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,734
Drop. Of blood.
204
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,170
Sa-sah!
205
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,214
Oh, shit.
206
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:25,260
Okay, this is gonna be bad.
207
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:27,784
My assistant Benny.
208
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:35,183
Let's begin.
209
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,098
Knife man!
210
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,578
Damn it.
211
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,799
Pop dat! Whoa!
212
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,845
Teeee'yop Corner!
213
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,803
Left-handed! Bank Shot!
214
00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:49,806
Buncha knives at once!
215
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,417
Benny, stop flinching,
it's making me nervous.
216
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:54,158
- Roger.
- Oh, hey, Steve.
217
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,725
Stop doing this.
218
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,248
Oh, don't worry.
This is all part of the act.
219
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,989
They don't want
to see perfection.
220
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,296
They want to think
something could go wrong.
221
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,080
People are so sick.
222
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,822
Now for my final throw
of the evening.
223
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:08,303
I present -- the Artful Wound.
224
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,220
Shame! Shame on you!
225
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:14,918
This is gonna be insane.
226
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,884
Aaaaaah!
227
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:26,364
Ooh, baby!
228
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,283
No one'll miss this thing.
229
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,991
Oh!
230
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,258
A barn out in the boonies?
231
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,260
The heck happened?
232
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,787
Chief, this wrapper
looks just like the one
233
00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,049
from the Dumpster
fire I put out.
234
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,141
I kept this as a souvenir.
235
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,708
Could it have been
the same person?
236
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:07,318
Great instincts, Stan.
237
00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,885
What else do you see?
238
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,757
- See?
- In the patterns.
239
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,107
Me? Read fire patterns?
240
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,717
Okay...um...
241
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,806
this spot...tells me...
242
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,374
she's a woman? A mother?
243
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:22,943
Um, overshadowed by
a bigger personality at home.
244
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,858
She's always making sacrifices.
245
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,860
Well, we can all see
the surface patterns.
246
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:29,427
Go deeper.
247
00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:32,517
Drinks to cope, but it's
not doing the job anymore.
248
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,390
She's adopted,
fell down a well as a child,
249
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,741
stints in acting,
body building, muffin sales,
250
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,830
had her vagina displayed
in a museum --
251
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,527
That one's just obvious.
252
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,356
And by the looks of it,
she's just getting started.
253
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,488
But so.
254
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:47,532
Am.
255
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:49,752
I.
256
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,319
It could also be a guy, I guess.
257
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,932
♪ Only you, baby
258
00:11:55,976 --> 00:12:00,415
♪ Can put out this fire
259
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:03,897
♪ Only you, baby
260
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,769
♪ Can put out this fire
261
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,206
♪ Burning in my soul
262
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,338
♪ Only you, baby
263
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035
Casseroles.
264
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:15,169
♪ Can put out this fire
265
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,564
♪ Only you, baby
266
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:20,827
Francine!
267
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,267
What are you doing here?
268
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,790
Um...
269
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,052
l-looking for this.
270
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:36,277
In any event, I'm glad you're
here to see me in action.
271
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,236
There's an arsonist on the loose
and I'm the lead investigator.
272
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,370
They're letting you
move up fast.
273
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:43,806
Yeah, it's honestly
pretty concerning.
274
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,373
I've done zero training.
275
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,984
But that won't stop me
from catching this crook.
276
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,117
Nothing will.
277
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,079
Though the chapter of my life
as a firefighter is ending,
278
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,602
and so soon after declaring
279
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,561
that nothing would stop me
from catching the arsonist,
280
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:02,216
I cherish the fact
that the memories and friends
281
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,609
I made along the way
are forever.
282
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,569
Firefighters number three
and number one especially.
283
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,223
You must be relieved.
284
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,834
Now that Stan's retiring,
you can, too.
285
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,531
Retire?
286
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,230
I'm sure he'll still
wanna put some out.
287
00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,841
I'll keep the fires going
just to be safe.
288
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:21,888
Francine, you have a problem.
289
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,281
This is going to be a joke,
but please don't laugh.
290
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,543
You're playing with fire.
291
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,328
Hey, Stan,
292
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,286
what was your favorite fire
from this week?
293
00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:31,462
Oh, man, there were so many.
294
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:35,249
The old barn, the old
go-kart park, the match factory.
295
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,077
FRANCINE
There were so many,
296
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,122
and more to come.
297
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,953
Where you going, honey?
298
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:45,389
I'm about to hand off
the arson case
299
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,348
to the new volunteer
for next week.
300
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,960
Yeah-yeah-yeah, great.
I gotta run.
301
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,353
We need more stuff for the crap.
302
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,226
Francine, you dropped...
303
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,887
What happened to your dress?
304
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,497
Isn't it obvious?
305
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,977
I'm tearing off pieces,
306
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,674
shovin' 'em
in a bottle of vodka,
307
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,894
and using it to start fires.
308
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,159
Wait, no.
309
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,074
She was really saying real.
310
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,513
♪ Oh, makin' those flames grow♪
311
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:25,081
♪ You know I gotta start
those in-fer-nos ♪
312
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:28,215
♪ But watch me maintain,
cuz a Franny like me ♪
313
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,999
♪ Is to-tally sane
314
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,393
♪ I'm sane in the membrane
315
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,395
♪ I'm sane, in my brains
316
00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:38,181
Okay, that was
K-97's "Beats with no lyrics,
317
00:14:38,225 --> 00:14:40,357
so you can freestyle rap
in the car" Tuesdays.
318
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,316
Up next, a Latin Trap Beat --
319
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:45,536
Helloooo!
320
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,104
You're the arsonist.
How could you?
321
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:52,413
Well, it started because I
wanted to help you, like usual.
322
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:55,938
But then it awakened
something irresistible in me.
323
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:58,375
So what, you have some kind
of freak fire fetish now?
324
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:01,248
Do you dress in all black
leather bondage outfits?
325
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,553
With nothing covering
your privates
326
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,555
but, like, strips of tape?
327
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,122
Cracking...
328
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,255
flaming whips and, uh --
329
00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:11,258
Sorry, I need a second.
330
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:16,306
Listen, I know "society"
doesn't like "serial arsonists."
331
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:19,657
So once I complete
my masterpiece,
332
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,616
where it all began,
333
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,444
I'll be done.
334
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:26,055
But more likely I'll do it
forever 'cause I love it.
335
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,449
Turn back now,
or I'm turning you in.
336
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,061
Ha! You're funnier
than Ray Romano.
337
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,497
You don't even know
where I'll be.
338
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:38,372
Wait. "Where it all began"?
339
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,461
Oh, my God. It must be --
340
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,028
Who are you talkin' to, Stan?
341
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,246
Was it the arsonist?
342
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,987
- How'd she get your number?
- Um...
343
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,207
Stan, if you know something...
344
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,512
Uhhhh...
345
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:50,210
Spit it out, numb nuts.
346
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,341
We have to hurry.
347
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:52,647
She's gonna burn down
the firehouse.
348
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,041
- The firehouse?!
- Hey!
349
00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:57,304
Thanks for the invite
to your little cookout.
350
00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:01,090
Real cool to see that going on
right outside my window!
351
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:08,097
Anyway, I will now shock
and dazzle you
352
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:10,621
with a grand
Knife Throwing finale.
353
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,624
First, I will need a volunteer.
354
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,278
Yes, you in the back.
355
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,065
STEVE
Oh, hey, Roger.
356
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,110
Want to see this cute
baby owl video?
357
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,591
Hey, let go of my hand. Hey!
358
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:25,114
Roger, stop it.
359
00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:26,681
Let go! This isn't funny!
360
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,117
I'm not wearing that.
361
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,685
Ow! Roger, please -- Ow!
362
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,643
What are you doing?!
363
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:34,776
Roger. Seriously. Stop.
364
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:37,692
I'm begging you!
365
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:41,652
I'm just a child!
366
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,177
Nooooooooooooo!
367
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,615
Now, my Grand Finale --
part one.
368
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,617
Stop this!
369
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,445
Denise, you need to get here
right now.
370
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:58,843
Aah! Aah!
371
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,671
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
372
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,153
Aah!
373
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,596
I'm...alive.
374
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:20,865
The Artful Wound.
375
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,519
The Mark of the Master.
376
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:26,349
Thank you, thank you.
377
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:29,396
- Now, the true Finale.
- Wait, what?
378
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:32,573
See, my act was always about
holding a mirror up to you,
379
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,792
the audience,
and your sordid cravings.
380
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,185
Look under your seats.
381
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,839
Some of you will find a knife.
382
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:40,885
I invite you now to face
your darkest desire,
383
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,365
if you dare.
384
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:43,323
By throwing...
385
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:44,367
a knife...
386
00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,108
at me. Ow. Ow!
387
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,501
Ow. Uhp. Ow.
388
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:49,416
Wow, that's a lotta knives
hitting me.
389
00:17:49,459 --> 00:17:52,767
Don't remember putting
this many under...the...seats.
390
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:57,728
Uhp, okay, some of you clearly
brought knives from home.
391
00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,168
Oh, I can't wait
to bust this sicko.
392
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,213
- She's a monster!
- An animal!
393
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,345
She's human!
394
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,520
She's hurting.
395
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:07,782
And I love her.
396
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,134
I wanna spray her with water
so friggin' bad!
397
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,309
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
398
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,798
No fire. What's goin' on?
399
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:25,278
Borrowing this.
400
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,411
Guys...
401
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,805
if he doesn't bring that back...
402
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,676
we'll have to close
the fire station.
403
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,347
This feels good.
404
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,436
But not the most good.
405
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,699
I may have to burn
a person next.
406
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,832
- Francine!
- Aah!
407
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,312
Well, hello to you, too.
408
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,229
How'd you even know I'd be here?
409
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:06,754
You said "where it all began,"
plus the Ray Romano jab.
410
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,886
That could only mean
one thing --
411
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,932
You were going to the place
where we got married.
412
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,412
Aah! Uhh!
413
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,199
I booked our wedding
at my dream venue --
414
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897
Knee Slapperz Comedy Club,
but Ray Romano
415
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,465
showed up five minutes before
to do a surprise set,
416
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:23,640
and we got bumped.
417
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:26,643
Yeah, and you had a meltdown.
418
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,342
But you scrambled
and found this place.
419
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,822
You decorated the bins,
filled them with ice...
420
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,390
a family of raccoons
were the flower girls.
421
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,478
Aah!
422
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,264
Ta-daaa!
423
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,527
Whoa!
424
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,311
It's too late, Stan.
425
00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:43,530
I can't stop.
426
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:44,879
Of course you can.
427
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,446
You only became an arsonist
428
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,578
because I pushed you
toward it all these years.
429
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,885
Arsonist is such an ugly term.
430
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,887
We prefer Friend of the Flame.
431
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,671
Or fire
432
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,805
I need to learn how to handle
my disappointment myself,
433
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,589
or at least take it out
on the kids.
434
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,591
You do take it out on the kids.
435
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,897
I could do it more.
436
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,029
Oh, Stan.
437
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,857
Thank you.
438
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,903
To be clear, though, this is
messed up, what you're doing,
439
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,948
and I think you should
see a doctor in addition
440
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,776
to me being,
like, more attentive.
441
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,256
Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah, totes.
442
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,652
How are we gonna
get out of here?
443
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:21,829
Baby, all you do
is sacrifice for me.
444
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:24,397
It's time I repay the favor.
445
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,313
We're gonna leave exactly
how we did on our wedding day.
446
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:30,925
Except this time,
I'm going to carry you.
447
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,061
There's people in there!
448
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,541
Someone help them!
449
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:39,412
There they are!
450
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,283
They're okay!
451
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:43,459
- Ohhhh!
- Ohhhh!
452
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,765
He's not okay!
453
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,593
He's in terrible shape!
454
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,424
MAN #2: He's gonna
say something!
455
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,082
Bye! Have a great time!