1
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:08,312
Now, what if I seat Stan
next to Greg?
2
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:11,228
It's aggressive,
it's bold, and I love it.
3
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:14,318
Francine, may I just say,
using custom chess pieces
4
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:15,711
to plan a dinner party...
5
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,278
I'm having the time of my life.
6
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,801
Well, I'm not.
7
00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:20,629
No matter how I play it out,
8
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,848
three or four moves
down the line,
9
00:00:22,892 --> 00:00:25,286
Klaus ruins my party
by talking about
10
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:28,202
Dan Bilzerian
or 3-D printed guns
11
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:30,030
or something else douchey.
12
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,814
I need to go deeper.
13
00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,903
Horse tranquilizer,
m'lady?
14
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:38,038
[whooshing]
15
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,040
[intense music plays]
16
00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:44,957
FRANCINE: Oookay!
17
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,047
Tuttle mingles with you...
18
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,831
Genius move, Francine.
19
00:00:48,874 --> 00:00:50,963
I could see us talkin'
a little dog racing.
20
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:53,140
But look over here
at Parker Deay.
21
00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:55,881
Parker... Parker...
Who is that?
22
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,666
Screams "Zooka Sharks"
a lot.
23
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,233
The guy who takes
Tinder dates out
24
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,365
for hot-dog dinners
at 7-Eleven?
25
00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:03,324
Love him.
Okay, let's play this out.
26
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,456
Good, good!
27
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,937
Your eyes are sliding around,
so I assume it's working.
28
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,460
Bacon-wrapped dates!
29
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:12,333
Lava hot and wrapped real loose!
30
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,249
- Where did everyone go?
- They left.
31
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,294
Klaus changed
your Spotify playlist
32
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,775
to a Marc Maron
podcast from 2015.
33
00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:22,560
Ohhh, this one
is classic!
34
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:25,520
His guest is a comedian
you've never heard of.
35
00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,391
Classic!
36
00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:30,481
[patriotic music plays]
37
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,789
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
38
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:37,140
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day♪
39
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:40,012
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face♪
40
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:44,104
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race♪
41
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:49,587
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪
42
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,850
- ♪ Good --♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
43
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:52,851
Aah!
44
00:01:54,636 --> 00:01:57,378
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪
45
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,425
HAYLEY: Mom, your guests
are arriving!
46
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:02,861
One second!
47
00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,516
Just finishing up
the table assignments!
48
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:10,434
Greg goes here, Tuttle here,
and Klaus sits here.
49
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,871
He-he-he-he-he.
50
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:14,786
[indistinct chatter]
51
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:16,875
Welcome to
my dinner party!
52
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,661
It's wonderful to see you
all again.
53
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:22,881
But maybe some of you don't know
Hayley's friend Nerfer.
54
00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:25,667
Don't just stand there,
introduce yourself.
55
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:28,365
I'm Nerfer.
I'm Hayley's friend.
56
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:31,107
I already said that.
What else?
57
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,109
I work at
the Old Spaghetti Factory,
58
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,459
but the new location,
which is pretty hilarious,
59
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:38,462
because old and new
are opposite words.
60
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:41,422
Okay, that's enough.
You can listen, too.
61
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,119
Let's eat!
62
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:47,079
The salad looks delicious.
Nice produce.
63
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,212
- Is this from my store?
- God, no.
64
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,171
But this tomato
looks so familiar.
65
00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,477
Look, I didn't steal it
from your store on Tuesday!
66
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,305
Francine, you need
to do something.
67
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,873
Klaus's table is turning
into the damn Last Supper.
68
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:01,311
You hear "Bermuda Triangle"
and you think "whoa,"
69
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:03,879
but it really is
a beautiful area.
70
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,837
It's crazy lush.
71
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,317
I never thought
of it that way.
72
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,406
That's so
interesting, Klaus!
73
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,453
The world's a big,
interesting place.
74
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,585
I just try to keep
my eyes open, you know?
75
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:17,545
Ooh! Would you do your
Will Arnett impression again?
76
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:20,330
I really shouldn't --
"Oh, come on!"
77
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:23,203
[laughter]
78
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:25,161
Is everybody
laughing at Klaus?
79
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,119
No, we're laughing
with Klaus.
80
00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:28,817
[dramatic chord strikes]
81
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:32,168
So, you dogs are hungry
for laughs?
82
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,432
Well, roll over.
You got a bone coming your way.
83
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:39,784
[goofy voice] Hello.
I'm Mrs. Walrus.
84
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,656
Anyone have any fish for me?
85
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,485
Are those tampons
in your mouth?
86
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:47,836
Oh, tamp on!
87
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,359
[laughter]
88
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,447
[ding]
89
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,579
[ominous music plays]
90
00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:54,364
[dramatic music plays]
91
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,148
He winked at me, Stan!
92
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:58,803
That little asshole winked!
93
00:03:58,847 --> 00:04:00,283
- At me!
- Who winked?
94
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,721
Klaus!
He ruined my dinner party!
95
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,854
- He did?
- Of course he did!
96
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,812
He monopolized
every conversation
97
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:09,466
I tried to butt into!
98
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,729
Well, he's been working
on his people skills.
99
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,862
I think everybody
really likes the new Klaus.
100
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:16,908
Yeah, I'd like
to "nuke Klaus," too.
101
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:19,563
All the way [bleep]
back to the stone age.
102
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,478
Sounds like you're
a little jealous Klaus
103
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:23,088
got all the attention
at your party.
104
00:04:23,132 --> 00:04:24,655
Oh, yeah?
105
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,745
Well, it sounds like you're
wasting dental floss, you idiot!
106
00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,574
[door slams]
107
00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:34,012
[muffled] I'm sorry I said
you were upset, my love.
108
00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:39,975
Help me out
with something, guys.
109
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,368
Klaus sucks, right?
110
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,500
I'm gonna have to
reluctantly disagree.
111
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,763
Have you talked to him
about early cartoons?
112
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,591
He's super knowledgeable.
113
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:50,725
He's seen basically
every Pluto short on Disney+.
114
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:54,511
And all
the Goofy features.
115
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,773
[dramatic chord strikes]
116
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:56,905
[moaning on computer]
117
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,210
[door opens]
118
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,995
Why's everyone obsessed
with Klaus?
119
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:02,084
I wouldn't say
"obsessed."
120
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,826
He's just -- I dunno --
likable, I guess.
121
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,915
Have you heard him rap?
He's pretty good.
122
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:09,787
♪ But you are what you eat,
so I'm a vagina♪
123
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,485
- ♪ That means I eat [meows]♪
- Mm.
124
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,487
The guy's
an urban poet.
125
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,576
Nobody likes you, Klaus.
126
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:18,361
Oh, hey, Francine.
Sick dinner party last night.
127
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,624
I don't know
what all "this" is,
128
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,887
but I want it to stop
right now.
129
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:25,716
Ah. Stan told me
you were upset.
130
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,415
Look, I know I used to be
a real piece of shit.
131
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:29,720
Guilty!
132
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:32,288
But, Francine,
I've grown a lot.
133
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,509
Oh, wow, got
a giant sequoia over here.
134
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:39,948
All right, Mr. Growth, I'm gonna
throw a real party tomorrow.
135
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:43,125
A real party
for bad bitches.
136
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:45,170
We'll see who gets
more attention.
137
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,437
What the [bleep]
am I looking at?
138
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:51,916
[dance music playing]
139
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:55,703
Now this is a party.
140
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:58,314
Everyone, give me
your attention!
141
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,490
I think we can all agree
142
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,971
last night's dinner party
was terrible.
143
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,538
Aw, I liked
your dinner party.
144
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,236
No, you didn't, Greg.
I'll tell you what you like.
145
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,846
Keg stands!
146
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,108
No, I'd rather not.
147
00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,719
Grab his
other leg, Roger.
148
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,374
[rock music playing]
149
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,767
- [gasps]
- Uh-oh!
150
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,421
The tap's broken!
151
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,771
You gotta drink
the whole keg!
152
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:21,990
It's not broken!
153
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,644
Shut up,
freshman scum!
154
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,951
Ummm, Franny...?
155
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,605
[gulping]
156
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,955
[gasps] Wow!
157
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:33,001
Is this mahogany?
158
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:35,830
Thanks for noticing, Tuttle.
It's not.
159
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:38,354
Oh, Nerfer, the other night,
you mentioned you like
160
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,270
hoppy IPAs,
so I whipped up a home brew
161
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,880
I think you'll enjoy.
162
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,578
That's hecka posh.
163
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:47,798
Tuttle, Nerfer,
what the hell?!
164
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,409
This is my party!
165
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,541
You're supposed to be
paying attention to me!
166
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,978
Klaus is more interesting
than you, okay?!
167
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,545
You need to learn
to accept that!
168
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,635
I didn't want to do this,
but you left me no choice.
169
00:06:58,679 --> 00:06:59,941
Gimme those!
170
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:04,380
Everyone look at me!
171
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,905
The Amah-zing Francine
will attempt
172
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:12,475
a never-before-seen
roof-to-pool jump!
173
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:13,737
Is Mom okay?
174
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,522
Oh, yeah,
better than ever.
175
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,698
Women are complicated, Steve.
Don't drink that.
176
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,526
I'm gonna leave.
177
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:21,049
I'm gonna
take off, too.
178
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,530
Is everyone
okay to drive?
179
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,880
I can call each of you
a vintage Yellow Cab.
180
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,316
FRANCINE: Shut up, Klaus!
181
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:28,883
- [glass shatters]
- Nobody's leaving!
182
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,667
I'm about to jump!
183
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:32,147
3...
184
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,844
2...
185
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,280
[thud, clattering]
186
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:36,934
[glass shatters]
187
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:38,893
[thud, car alarm ringing]
188
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,156
Well, at least she still
has her dignity.
189
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:44,028
FRANCINE: I pooped my swimsuit!
190
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:46,074
I stand by my
previous statement.
191
00:07:49,033 --> 00:07:50,513
[groans]
192
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,037
Easy now.
You had quite a fall.
193
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:57,085
I saw them.
My ancestors!
194
00:07:57,128 --> 00:08:00,784
All my dear,
departed loved ones who died.
195
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:02,351
They spoke to me.
196
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,092
They told me they were
just as confused
197
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,616
as I was
why anybody likes you.
198
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,531
Even the caveman Francine!
199
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:12,143
People like me because
I work on myself, Francine.
200
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,971
I've been following a strict
lifestyle regimen
201
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,191
developed by Mark Wahlberg.
202
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:18,367
It forces me
to grow physically,
203
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:21,979
mentally, spiritually,
metaphysically, metaspiritually,
204
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,939
super-meta-spiri-physi-
tastically!
205
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:27,463
Okay, I made that one up
as a joke.
206
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,986
I'm funny now, too.
207
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:32,468
I can't believe I'm asking
you this, but...
208
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,557
will you teach me
how to grow, too?
209
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,473
Of course! Congrats!
210
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,997
You're officially enrolled
in Klaus college,
211
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,086
a satellite campus
of Wahlberg U.
212
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,743
[horn squeals]
213
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,050
Klaus, it's 2:00 a.m.
214
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,009
You're on
Wahlberg time now.
215
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,795
As you can see,
the schedule is rigorous.
216
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,101
You'll start and end the day
with a 5-mile run.
217
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,669
In between, you'll be
reading self-help books,
218
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,671
meditating,
belting out sea shanties,
219
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,108
learning basic IT,
more shanties,
220
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:06,546
eating Wahlburgers,
mastering Krav Maga,
221
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:09,549
and you might even cook
an exotic dish or two.
222
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,072
This is crazy.
223
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:13,291
There's no way Mark Wahlberg
does all that.
224
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:14,641
And then some.
225
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,730
He's a big ol' Catholic!
226
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:19,123
Hits up Mass
17 times a day
227
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,431
and leaves a DVD copy of
Shooter in every Bible.
228
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:23,911
♪
229
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,826
♪ Yeah♪
230
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,479
♪ You feel it, baby?♪
231
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,393
- [horn squeals]
- ♪ It's such a good vibration♪
232
00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:30,352
Pick it up!
Be like me!
233
00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:31,571
Body and mind are one!
234
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,311
♪ It's such a sweet sensation♪
235
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,487
[horn squeals]
236
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:38,142
♪ The vibrations good
like Sunkist♪
237
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:39,927
♪ Many wanna know
who done this♪
238
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,450
♪ Marky Mark and I'm here
to move you♪
239
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,147
- [horn squeals]
- ♪ Rhymes will groove you♪
240
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,801
- ♪ And I'm here to prove to you♪
- Bang.
241
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:46,498
♪ That we can party
on the positive side♪
242
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:47,456
♪ And pump positive vibes,
so come along for the ride♪
243
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,675
These burgers
are terrible.
244
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:51,112
Yes. Very, very bad.
245
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:53,114
♪ It's such a sweet sensation♪
246
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,985
Francine, what
are you doing?
247
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,379
I'm becoming
more interesting...
248
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,947
like Klaus...
and Mark Wahlberg.
249
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:02,079
Are you crazy?
Klaus sucks!
250
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:03,646
I'm sending you something
to remind you
251
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:04,952
what a loser Klaus is.
252
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,388
[cellphone vibrates]
253
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,737
- [beep]
- KLAUS: Welcome back to
254
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,131
my podcast, Klaus of Hearts,
255
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,350
where we explore
every interaction
256
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,526
I've had with a woman
at a blackjack table.
257
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,225
Today, we'll be looking
at Pechanga Casino
258
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:20,358
on Christmas Eve,
where dealer Janice F.
259
00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:23,448
refused to answer the simple
icebreaker question,
260
00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:27,539
"Don't you think it's time
to forgive Kevin Spacey?"
261
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,585
FRANCINE: Klaus, where are you?
262
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,370
I'm returning
your self-help books!
263
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:36,287
I came to my senses
and realize you suck again!
264
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:37,854
[gears cranking]
265
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:43,599
♪
266
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,775
Off-brand soda,
267
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:48,648
off-brand Maxim magazine,
268
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:51,041
filthy recliner?
269
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,391
I knew it!
270
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,393
You haven't changed, Klaus!
271
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,700
You're a big phony scumbag!
272
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,484
Oh, hi, Francine.
273
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,138
- [bell dings]
- Jeffrey, I'm about to reveal
274
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,444
my sinister plan.
275
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,576
Is my fedora
rakishly askew?
276
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:07,536
It's a strong look,
Mr. Klaus!
277
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:08,842
I think it's hideous.
278
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,321
Aaaah!
279
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,801
[bell dings]
280
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,110
So, what?
281
00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,720
You hypnotized Jeff
or something?
282
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,027
Is it that obvious?
283
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,724
[laughs]
284
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:22,856
FRANCINE: I'm over this.
285
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:23,900
No, wait!
286
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,250
Okay, long story short,
287
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:29,036
I learned to control people
using a technique
288
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,038
called
"hypnotic anchoring."
289
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,909
Sounds boring,
and I don't get it.
290
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:35,172
All right.
How do I explain this?
291
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,565
Have you seen the movie
Get Out?
292
00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,175
- No.
- Really?
293
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,394
Have you seen Parasite?
294
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:41,178
- Yeah.
- Good.
295
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,354
Not relevant here,
but I'm glad you saw it.
296
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,747
Bong Joon-ho, man.
297
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,401
So sick.
298
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,882
Anyways, I hypnotized people
to love me.
299
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,840
Take Jeff, for example.
300
00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:53,800
First, I learned all about Jeff.
301
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,976
What makes him "tick,"
so to speak.
302
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:59,153
And I discovered
that Jeff really likes weed.
303
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,458
I do!
304
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:03,679
So I filled my notebook
with fun facts and jokes
305
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,594
about marijuana.
306
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:08,205
Stuff that would
make Jeff smile.
307
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,512
And every time he did...
308
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:11,992
[bell dings]
309
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,777
And after several hundred
of those...
310
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:16,605
Who do ya love, Jeff?
311
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:18,476
I love Klaus!
312
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:23,003
Soon, everyone in town
will think I'm so cool,
313
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:25,745
they'll be under
my absolute control.
314
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:29,749
This is bogus, and I'm telling
Stan about your secret lair.
315
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:34,318
Hypnotizing you was my greatest
challenge, by far.
316
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:37,844
You resent me so much,
I couldn't crack your psyche.
317
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:41,412
So I looked to ultimate
mind-bender Mark Wahlberg
318
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,674
for inspiration.
319
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:44,328
I'm not hypnotized.
320
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,069
Remember this guy?
321
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,942
- [gasps] Oh, my God!
- [horn squeals]
322
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:53,207
Now, tell me, Francine...
323
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,644
how do I look?
324
00:12:55,687 --> 00:13:01,606
Klaus, I am loving
your stupid fedora!
325
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:04,348
Mmm.
A little more hypnosis.
326
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,133
[horn squealing]
327
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,573
[dramatic music plays]
328
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,141
[gasps]
What's happening?!
329
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:15,838
Francine, you're back!
330
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,623
- W-- Where am I?
- You're in a cowboy tub.
331
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:21,713
I got us an Airbnb,
far away from Klaus.
332
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:24,368
Come inside. They've got a ton
of incomplete board games.
333
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,806
You like Trivial Pursuit
without the questions?
334
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,155
Where's the rest
of the family?
335
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,070
Oh, Francine,
it's terrible.
336
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:31,898
You were right about Klaus
the whole time.
337
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:34,248
- He hypnotized them all!
- Where are they?
338
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:35,902
- Are they okay?
- I don't know.
339
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:38,034
I only had room for one of you
and my luggage.
340
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:40,907
Roger, we need
to go save them.
341
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,213
It's just the desert is
so hot during the day
342
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,259
and so cold at night,
it's like having to pack
343
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,391
for both the beach
and skiing!
344
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,437
I probably didn't need
the snowboard, though.
345
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,221
That could've been Steve,
I guess.
346
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:53,267
I guess I could've fit
Hayley, too.
347
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,616
Weird.
348
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:57,793
I don't remember any
border checkpoints before.
349
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,709
State your business
in Langley Falls.
350
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:01,884
We live here?
351
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,668
Better let me
handle this, Fran.
352
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,933
Hi, sir! Just so you know,
we love Klaus so much.
353
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,370
Klaus is the best,
is what we say.
354
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:12,547
The only reason we left Langley
was to spread word of Klaus.
355
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,071
In summary,
we [bleep] love Klaus.
356
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:16,899
[dramatic chord strikes]
357
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:21,208
[eerie music plays]
358
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,039
♪ One, two, three, four♪
359
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,910
♪ I wanna marry Klaus
some more!♪
360
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:30,391
What the WTF?
361
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,175
They wanna marry Klaus?
362
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,917
Some more?!
That's gross!
363
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,398
[eerie music plays]
364
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:38,790
You're gross!
365
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:39,966
Drive, drive!
366
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,011
[tires squeal]
367
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,926
Did you hear me
call them "gross"?
368
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,319
Was that cool?
369
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,147
I feel like I'm starring
in Jackass!
370
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:47,974
Watch out!
371
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,890
- [gasps]
- [tires squeal]
372
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:59,899
♪
373
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:01,726
There are few things
in this world
374
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,859
I hate more
than traveling by foot.
375
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,252
[chime]
376
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:07,428
KLAUS: It's your
favorite dude, Klaus,
377
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:10,605
telling you to have
a blessed day.
378
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,827
Is that Klaus on TV?
379
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,569
Langley is better
than ever, Klaus.
380
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,267
Why is that?
381
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,965
Well, Greg, I made everyone
think I'm cooler now,
382
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,967
and the town is cooler
as a result.
383
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,491
- I don't think you're cooler.
- What?
384
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:29,754
I think
you're the coolest.
385
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,496
[laughs]
Wonderful, wonderful!
386
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,411
Do you see
what he did there?
387
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:36,152
Still, I don't like it.
[snaps]
388
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,593
Damn, he's hypnotized everybody.
389
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:43,812
Be careful, Franny.
390
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,553
People might think
you don't love Klaus.
391
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:46,771
Who doesn't love Klaus?
392
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,643
- Francine Smith.
- Roger!
393
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,341
Sorry, Franny, but I'm a sucker
for peer pressure.
394
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,430
And the peers
are a-pressurin'.
395
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:56,607
[dramatic music plays]
396
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:57,521
[gasps]
397
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,091
Klauuuussss!
398
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,660
[panting]
399
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,621
[panting]
400
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:12,449
Guys, I'm back!
401
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,106
Please, Stan, tell me
you haven't fallen for Klaus!
402
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,892
Klaaaaaauuuusss!
403
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,547
ALL: Klaaaaaauuuusss!
404
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,421
There she is!
405
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:31,077
Thank you, boys, for getting
this menace off our streets.
406
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,036
[coughing]
407
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,559
Where'd pink go?
408
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:38,867
FRANCINE [muffled]: Help!
409
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,435
Keep it down.
You'll scare the cats.
410
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,959
Sorry for the hood.
I had to tidy up a bit.
411
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,527
Trust me, this place
was a disaster.
412
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,441
[cats meowing]
413
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,225
You live in the sewers?
414
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,184
It's not safe
up there anymore.
415
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,621
Me and Beezus just looked
at each other one day,
416
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,841
and we knew it was time
to form the Resistance.
417
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:57,973
[meows]
418
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,280
So...how's it going?
419
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,585
Pretty good!
420
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,979
I sent a team of cats
to breach Klaus's alcove,
421
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,416
and, boy,
did they deliver.
422
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:07,417
[whistles]
423
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:09,941
[meows]
424
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,554
Boop!
425
00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:15,469
These cats are heroes.
426
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,037
Klaus had entries
for everyone in town.
427
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,996
"Francine Smith --
loves drinking,
428
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,347
jealous streak,
mind-controlled by air horn."
429
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,088
They also found this.
430
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,568
It's a failsafe phrase
431
00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:30,310
to deactivate everyone
Klaus hypnotized!
432
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,921
"Enough with
the hypnotism already."
433
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,706
It's a good one.
Fiendishly simple.
434
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,404
If you can hijack Klaus's
broadcast
435
00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,710
and shout that phrase,
you'll save the town.
436
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,756
You can count on me.
437
00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:45,803
I have one more question.
438
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,631
May I play
with your cats?
439
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:51,287
♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma,
karma chameleon♪
440
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:58,164
♪ You come and go♪
441
00:17:58,207 --> 00:17:59,643
[crows cawing]
442
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,258
Roger was right.
443
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:07,477
Klaus is the perfect subject.
444
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,479
Enough with
the hypnotism already!
445
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:11,655
[gasps] You're back!
446
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:12,700
[grunts]
447
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:15,006
I'm scared, Mom.
448
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:16,834
Why was I painting Klaus?
449
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:19,315
Because Klaus is
mind-controlling everyone
450
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,144
from the TV studio
in his alcove.
451
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:26,453
He's ruined the entire town,
and we're gonna stop him.
452
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:27,541
[dramatic chord strikes]
453
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,499
Enough with
the hypnotism already!
454
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:30,892
Aah!
455
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:32,241
That's right, Klaus!
456
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,287
I know how to
deactivate everyone!
457
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,331
[radio static]
458
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,290
Code twenty-niner
in the Alcove.
459
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,900
Stan, what are you doing?
460
00:18:38,943 --> 00:18:40,510
Calling for backup.
461
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:43,687
No offense, honey, but hypnosis
showed me how cool Klaus is.
462
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,125
Honestly, he deserves
to be dictator of Langley.
463
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,258
- [banging]
- CROWD: Klaaaaaauuuusss!
464
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:52,174
Maybe you should try
thinking Klaus is cool.
465
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:53,349
You just might
find you like it.
466
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,177
Why isn't this working?
467
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:59,225
You broke the hypnosis,
but you're too late.
468
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:03,794
The belief in "cool Klaus"
is buried way too deep.
469
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,796
You lost, Francine.
470
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,189
Join the mob.
471
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,843
Come on!
472
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,454
I can't make them forget
that he's cool.
473
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:16,764
But what if I can make everyone
remember he's not cool?
474
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:17,895
Capture her, Stan!
475
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,767
[dramatic music plays]
476
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,030
[grunts]
477
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:24,902
Enough with
the hypnotism already!
478
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:32,214
Even if they're not hypnotized,
they're still gonna love me.
479
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:35,174
I'm just getting
warmed up, punk.
480
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,263
Thanks to Mark Wahlberg,
481
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:40,570
I'm now kind of trained
in basic IT.
482
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,920
♪
483
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,836
Citizens of Langley,
you call this cool?
484
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,362
Welcome back to
Klaus of Hearts.
485
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:51,712
Oh, shit.
486
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:54,584
On this episode,
I'm at the Hard Rock Casino,
487
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,760
alone on my birthday --
488
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:58,632
the way I've learned
to like it.
489
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,722
Meanwhile, I'm trying to
protect a bachelorette party
490
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:04,681
from some creep I hear
them whispering about.
491
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:07,815
But the girls won't tell me
what floor their room is on!
492
00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:10,644
I ordered a buttery nipple
from the cocktail waitress,
493
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:13,168
you know, to look like a G.
494
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,215
Then I got a call
from an unknown number.
495
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:19,174
I answered it to cement
my G status.
496
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,307
And it was lucky I did,
because it turned out
497
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:24,614
to be my very
last chance to act
498
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:28,401
before the warranty
ran out on my car or truck.
499
00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:31,621
Another great birthday
in the books.
500
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:34,668
♪ This guy's a loser!♪
501
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,630
♪ Well, I still
wanna watch TV♪
502
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,806
♪ Mom!♪
503
00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:45,853
♪ I know I said
you ruined my life♪
504
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:49,683
♪ But I need you♪
505
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:54,427
♪ Mommy!♪
506
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:55,471
Mommy!
507
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:57,995
Have a great night!