1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:06,049 I love when our moms have book club. 2 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,530 They talk books, and we have... 3 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:10,706 - weeknight sleepovers! - Weeknight sleepovers! 4 00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:14,536 Two best friends, just doing their thang, 5 00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,321 making collages or whatnot. 6 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:20,498 While my mom gets too drunk to drive me home. 7 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:23,588 Treasure Island! What'd you think? 8 00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:27,679 So good! How crazy was Gonzo's story arc?! 9 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,333 - Gonzo? - Yeah! 10 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,727 When they pulled him down from the sail 11 00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:34,686 and his fuzzy blue arms got all stretched out 12 00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,341 and he snapped back like a window blind! 13 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:40,953 Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut. That's good writing. 14 00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:44,044 Francine, did you watch Muppet Treasure Island 15 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,393 instead of reading the book? 16 00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:48,613 Yes. But it's basically the same thing. 17 00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,615 There's no Muppets in the book! 18 00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,182 That sounds boring. 19 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,793 Steve, I don't want to bore you with the math. 20 00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:56,186 Oh, by all means, do. 21 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,406 These biweekly book club meetings 22 00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:01,713 account for almost 40% of our friendship. 23 00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,803 Snot, you've confirmed what I've always suspected. 24 00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:08,459 Weeknight sleepovers are the cornerstone of our friendship. 25 00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:10,287 The fact our moms are friends 26 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:14,074 makes us the luckiest boys in the universe. 27 00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,945 Do you like the way I drew the letters? 28 00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:17,947 They look like they came out of a magazine, right? 29 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,123 You're out of your mind if you think Gonzo's a dog. 30 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,125 He's blue. 31 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,649 He woofed when he saw the treasure! 32 00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:27,609 Sometimes I think we don't have anything in common. 33 00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:29,828 Are we just pretending to get along 34 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395 because our sons are friends? 35 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:32,918 I think so. 36 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,746 Maybe we can... stop? 37 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,966 Let's never hang out again! 38 00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099 Steve! 39 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,579 We have an exciting announcement. 40 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:45,757 Snot's Mom and I have decided to stop pretending to be friends. 41 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,107 Pretending? 42 00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:49,979 Yep! Book club is canceled forever. 43 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:54,244 [gasps] A 40% decrease in friendship? 44 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,942 ♪ 45 00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,684 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 46 00:01:59,728 --> 00:02:03,514 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day♪ 47 00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,648 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪ 48 00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:10,739 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race♪ 49 00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:16,266 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪ 50 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,312 - ♪ Good--♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 51 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,487 Aah! 52 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:24,318 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 53 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:27,147 Please, you have to stay friends! 54 00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,626 Think of the children! 55 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,325 No one's saying you two can't be friends. 56 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,457 Why does it matter if we are? 57 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,807 Well, I don't want to bore you with the math, Mrs. Smith-- 58 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,157 Please, don't. 59 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,464 Listen, maybe you just need to clear the air. 60 00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:43,032 Why don't we talk about what bothers you about each other? 61 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,294 I'll start. 62 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,557 She's never seen Muppet Treasure Island, 63 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:49,038 which is a big problem for me. 64 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:52,172 Book club is just an excuse for you to get shithosed! 65 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,174 You brought your own bartender! 66 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:57,655 Paul Gary's the name, mixologist is the game! 67 00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:01,224 I've got Aperol Spritzes. Boiling hot Aperol Spritzes! 68 00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,487 He's not even a good bartender! 69 00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,707 Aperol Spritzers are served cold! 70 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,318 What are you, the Aperol Spritzers police?! 71 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,668 I'm sorry, I'm defensive because you're right. 72 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,366 I'm a terrible mixologist! 73 00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,063 Let's go, Steve. 74 00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:19,199 Our friendship will survive this, right? 75 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:22,332 [voice breaking] I'll need to crunch the numbers. 76 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:26,206 If Paul Gary isn't a mixologist, then who is he? 77 00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,512 This is the beginning... Shh! 78 00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:31,515 ... beginning of a deeply personal journey. 79 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,909 This is... Get over yourselves! 80 00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:36,085 ... my story. 81 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,263 Cheer up, Steve. 82 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:43,048 We can still be friends even if our moms aren't. 83 00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:46,138 Your moms aren't friends anymore? Well, I'm out. 84 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:49,229 I am not gonna watch your friendship fall apart. 85 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,534 What are you talking about? 86 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,232 Your moms being friends is the glue 87 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,972 holding the two of you together. 88 00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,757 It's like on the show Friends. 89 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,149 Remember how their friendship was held together 90 00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,977 by a deep mutual love 91 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:01,589 of being paid a million dollars an episode? 92 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,155 That's your moms. 93 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,070 [scoffs] That's-- That's crazy. 94 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,289 Toshi, tell him. 95 00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:11,120 Toshi? Toshi! Say something! 96 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:14,993 I speak fluent English and have the whole time. 97 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,738 Hey, guys, are your moms friends? 98 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:24,264 Uh, was The Poisonwood Bible written by Barbara Kingsolver? 99 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,657 We're not losing Barry and Toshi. 100 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,137 How do we fix this? 101 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,095 ROGER: May I suggest drugging the moms? 102 00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:33,273 Are you the bartender from my mom's house? 103 00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:34,970 Sort of. You see, 104 00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:39,191 I'm on a deeply personal journey to find out who I am. 105 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,585 Okay. 106 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,587 Paul Gary isn't a mixologist, 107 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:46,416 so I enrolled at Pearl Bailey to use the chemistry lab. 108 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:49,941 Because I am now... A. Paul Gary, 109 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,769 drug mixologist. 110 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:55,120 I mix illegal narcotics together to see what they do. 111 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,775 And recently, I came across something interesting. 112 00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,430 I was working in my lab late one night, 113 00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:03,781 when my eyes beheld an eerie sight. 114 00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:06,436 That's "Monster Mash," right? You're doing "Monster Mash"? 115 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,873 Never heard of it. Anyway, I was working in the lab 116 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,788 late one night... 117 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,661 ♪ When my eyes beheld an eerie sight♪ 118 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:17,317 ♪ I had acid on a tab, weed in a bag♪ 119 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,015 ♪ A splash of ether on a rag♪ 120 00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,538 - ♪ He did the mash♪ - ♪ He did the mash♪ 121 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,235 ♪ I did the narcotics mash♪ 122 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,976 - ♪ Narcotics mash♪ - ♪ Narcotics mash♪ 123 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,022 ♪ It was a coked-out bash♪ 124 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,806 This is "Monster Mash"! 125 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,200 I don't know that song! 126 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,810 I don't know any songs! 127 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,335 All I do know is your moms are MILDs-- 128 00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,988 Mothers I'd Like to Drug. 129 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,862 And the mash I discovered in my lab works as a love drug. 130 00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,386 Drugs can make people fall in love? 131 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,257 Drugs can do almost anything 132 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,390 once you realize they're super good for you. 133 00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:50,915 Anyway, I'm proposing we dose your moms with the love drug 134 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,830 and make them fall back in love! 135 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:54,179 And it will work? 136 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,921 Steve, are you actually thinking about doing this? 137 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:59,489 - What other options do we have? - I don't know! 138 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,926 We only brainstormed for like two seconds 139 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,928 before we started talking to this guy. 140 00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,366 Snot's in! Love that enthusiasm! 141 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,672 I'll mix up the drugs, and you two trick your moms 142 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:09,717 - into meeting up! - ♪ They did the mash♪ 143 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,545 - Aah! Scary song! - [glass shatters] 144 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,420 I can't believe the Impractical Jokers 145 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:20,249 are doing a meet-and-greet in Langley Falls! 146 00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:22,207 Yeah, well, it's true. 147 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,558 Steve, you seem nervous. 148 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:28,736 Wait, are you worried the Jokers are gonna joke you? 149 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,129 [chuckles] Don't flatter yourself. 150 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:34,045 No one's putting a hot dog in your pocket. 151 00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:36,570 Now, remember, Snot, when we meet the Jokers, 152 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,615 you're my nephew. 153 00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:39,790 Francine. 154 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:40,922 [elevator bell dings] 155 00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,621 Shove! Drugs! 156 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:46,231 - What is this? - Don't leave me in here-- 157 00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:49,409 Congrats on a perfectly executed drugging, boys. 158 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,498 To the 33rd floor! 159 00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:55,545 - Whoa. - I really hope this works. 160 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,461 Did you even notice that I basically teleported us up here? 161 00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,897 I was impressed. 162 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,899 Thank you, Snot's Mom's kid. 163 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,727 Now, by the time these doors open, 164 00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,903 your moms will be fast friends, 165 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,123 unless the dose is too strong. 166 00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,342 Are you two prepared to see your moms hooking up? 167 00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,736 I'm not saying it's what I want to see, 168 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,303 but I won't be disappointed. 169 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:16,914 - [elevator bell dings] - Well, I hope you two-- 170 00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:19,090 - [grunts] - [screams] 171 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,832 What is happening?! They're worse than before! 172 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,356 This might not be a love drug. 173 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,098 [sniffs] Yeah, this is meth. I made meth. 174 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,927 Welp, when in Rome... [sniffs] 175 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,494 Aah! 176 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,148 [grunting] 177 00:07:33,191 --> 00:07:35,498 Well, this is surprising. 178 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,153 So to get us to be friends, you drugged us?! 179 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:40,285 I don't want you seeing Snot anymore. 180 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,287 He's a terrible influence on you! 181 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,941 - What?! - No way! 182 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,509 I forbid Snot from seeing Steve! 183 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,772 He's the one who started calling him Snot, 184 00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,513 and now everyone says it! 185 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,124 No, mom! Please, it was my fault. 186 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,344 It's my fault! Don't do this! 187 00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,781 - [sobbing] - But it's really my fault. 188 00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:00,610 I'm a terrible drug mixologist. 189 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:04,527 Will A. Paul Gary ever know who he's supposed to be? 190 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,398 My story continues. 191 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:11,142 ♪ 192 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,536 Well, I'm off. Goodbye, Father. 193 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,799 Goodbye, Sister. Goodbye, fish. 194 00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:17,714 Damn, he left out Mother. 195 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:20,195 Don't try to sneak around with Snot at school. 196 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:21,849 I will find out. 197 00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,807 We're finally getting rid of Snot? 198 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,330 Good. That kid is the worst. 199 00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:27,637 - Stan, you love Snot. - I do? 200 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,900 Yeah, I think your Memento style amnesia 201 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:30,988 is acting up. 202 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,207 You need to check your tattoos. 203 00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:35,340 STAN: Interesting. 204 00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,647 Concerning. 205 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,650 Oh, yeah! Why are we getting rid of Snot? He's the best! 206 00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:43,914 Because Mom can't put her son ahead of her selfish wants. 207 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,699 That's how it started. 208 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,745 But then someone decided to drug their mom. 209 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:51,835 Oh, if it was so awful, then why did you and Roger 210 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,708 finish the baggie and go to that warehouse party?! 211 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,798 I had no choice but to dance it off! 212 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:01,105 "You appreciate your family." 213 00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,933 That doesn't sound right. 214 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:05,414 No, it doesn't. 215 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:08,025 ♪ 216 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:11,681 Gosh, our moms did not respond well to getting dosed, huh? 217 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,030 No kidding. 218 00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:15,119 My mom told me I couldn't even see you at school. 219 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:17,034 Rule breakers! 220 00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:21,082 Last night, I got a phone call from your mom, Smith. 221 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:24,041 This friendship has always weirded me out, 222 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,740 and I am on board with tearing it apart! 223 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,132 Billy! 224 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:30,439 Here are your new schedules. 225 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,050 Zero classes together. 226 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,617 Billy, why are you helping him? 227 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,402 I've already got the stitches. 228 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:40,231 Might as well be a snitches. 229 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:43,887 ♪ 230 00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,236 [grunts] 231 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,890 - Aah! - Aah! 232 00:09:46,934 --> 00:10:03,298 ♪ 233 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,821 Aah! 234 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:07,432 ♪ 235 00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:10,479 What are we going to do? Lewis is everywhere. 236 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,263 We could build a friendship here. 237 00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:14,091 This stall isn't so bad. 238 00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,746 I'm doing a trainspotting! 239 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:21,925 Steve and Snot, two friends, both alike in stupidity. 240 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,624 Busted as hell! 241 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,147 Since you can't be trusted, 242 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,453 I'll be escorting Smith to his next class. 243 00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:30,760 - Aah! - [toilet flushes] 244 00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:34,198 [pebbles clinking] 245 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,029 - [insects chirping] - Steve! 246 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,683 What are you doing here? 247 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,338 I can't sit at home knowing you're down the road 248 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,862 staring up at the same stars as me! 249 00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:48,125 I actually don't look at the stars that often. 250 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,953 They've always kind of bored me. 251 00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,172 [bulbs pops, engine revs] 252 00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,130 That's right, chuckle heads! 253 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:55,698 I'm patrolling your houses, too! 254 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,787 Run! 255 00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:00,050 ♪ 256 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,704 [engine revving] 257 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:06,404 ♪ 258 00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,797 [tires screech] 259 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,320 Go in on foot, Billy! 260 00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:11,061 I'll cut them off on the other side. 261 00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:14,369 [tires screeching] 262 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,676 I think we lost him. 263 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:17,720 [both gasp] 264 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,983 End of the road... 265 00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,551 - [flashlight clicks] - ... for my hypocrisy. 266 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:25,815 I, too, know what it is to be in love. 267 00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,035 [chuckling] I wouldn't say we're in love. 268 00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:30,994 But my father forbids our union. 269 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:34,389 I don't know why. He created her! 270 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:38,567 Isn't she beautiful? 271 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,003 - Yeah, yeah, super pretty. - Uh-huh, totally. 272 00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:42,571 Now go! Wait! 273 00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:45,617 He needs to think you overpowered me. 274 00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,533 I know violence isn't in your nature, but-- 275 00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,057 Eat knuckles, freak! 276 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:55,323 You went easy on me, Steve! 277 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,761 Ma'am. 278 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,242 Psst. Over here! 279 00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:06,377 Wait, this is that bartender again. 280 00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:07,727 Mixologist. 281 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:10,381 And, yes, I'm still on a deeply personal journey 282 00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:12,557 to discover who I'm supposed to be. 283 00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:14,298 But I think I've figured it out! 284 00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,953 And I've gone full apothecary! 285 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:22,219 That's right! A. Paul Gary is now A. Poth E. Cary, 286 00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:24,308 dealing in potions and poisons. 287 00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,313 Which, at the moment, are a little difficult to tell apart 288 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,881 because my label maker is garbage. 289 00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,754 I hear you've got a real Romeo and Juliet problem. 290 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:37,887 Well, I have a Romeo and Juliet solution-- 291 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,062 fake your deaths! 292 00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:40,629 Uhh... 293 00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,632 Yes! There's that famous Snot enthusiasm! 294 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,112 You see, on this shelf, 295 00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:47,810 I've got thousands of unlabeled potions and poisons. 296 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,986 This will put you in a deep slumber, 297 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,249 indistinguishable from death. 298 00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:55,644 When you're found "dead," your mothers will blame themselves. 299 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:57,994 We'll time it so you wake up at your own funeral, 300 00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,300 and then you pop out of your coffins, 301 00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:00,692 and they'll be so relieved, 302 00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:02,259 they'll let you be friends again! 303 00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:04,087 Steve, we can't do this. 304 00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:05,785 The love drug was a disaster. 305 00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,830 Disaster? This guy's acting like 306 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,919 you didn't see me punching myself in the dick. 307 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,443 We don't have another choice. 308 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,445 Okay, let's do it. 309 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,143 Wait. 310 00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:17,884 That one was the poison. 311 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:20,756 There. 312 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,019 There. 313 00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:25,456 There. 314 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:28,024 Actually, whoa. Here's the potion. 315 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,810 All the little ones are full of poison... I think. 316 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,377 But let's just decide to feel confident. 317 00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,945 [somber music playing] 318 00:13:35,989 --> 00:14:04,234 ♪ 319 00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:08,543 [both crying] 320 00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:12,677 Steve and Snot had a friendship so close 321 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,897 that they died in each other's arms, 322 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:17,682 clinging so tight that they could not be separated. 323 00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:22,426 Now they will be laid to rest together, in one big-ass coffin. 324 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,865 [both crying] 325 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:28,606 Francine, I'm so sorry. 326 00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,435 All I had to do was pretend to like you, 327 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,698 and none of this would have happened! 328 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:36,876 No, Snot's Mom. I'm sorry. 329 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:39,922 I'd spend an eternity pretending to like you 330 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,273 if it meant Steve would be alive again. 331 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,580 After our loved ones move on, 332 00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:48,017 do we ever see them again on this Earth? 333 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,889 Most people say no, 334 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,893 but I say, sometimes we get a second chance! 335 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,375 Hmm. Shit. 336 00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:01,074 I must've given them poison. How could that have happened? 337 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,076 Everyone, I have an announcement. 338 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,947 This is actually a real funeral. 339 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,384 This is a strange eulogy. 340 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,605 Uh, second announcement-- I'm not a good apothecary. 341 00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:13,434 My story marches onward. 342 00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,263 Please don't let Roger speak at my funeral. 343 00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:20,920 Guys, I know you're sad about Snot, 344 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,574 but let me turn that grief into relief, 345 00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,794 that sadness into gladness, 346 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,145 that sorrow into "the sun'll come out tomorrow". 347 00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,060 Huh, I'm good at these. 348 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,627 Wait! I was gonna tell you something! 349 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,585 You know how I've been on this crazy adventure 350 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,239 trying to nail down this persona? 351 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,241 - Uh-huh! - Well, I got it! 352 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:41,636 Apothe-Carrie Bradshaw, sex blogger! 353 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:45,857 I couldn't help but wonder, would Steve be alive 354 00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,425 if I hadn't accidentally poisoned him? 355 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:51,994 But sometimes that's how it goes when you're Sex and the City. 356 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,954 - You poisoned Steve?! - And Snot! 357 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:56,607 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy! 358 00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,479 If you really miss him, we can get him back. 359 00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,003 What the hell are you talking about?! 360 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,179 We can go to the underworld and get him back. 361 00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,181 The underworld?! 362 00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,967 No mortal knows the path to the underworld! 363 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,708 Yeah-huh! There's an elevator in the back of Sub Hub. 364 00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,145 They had a promotion in the '80s 365 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,060 where they were sending people to hell. 366 00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:17,802 Now that my two favorite sad moms 367 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,543 have put their differences aside, 368 00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:21,197 it's time to get their boys back. 369 00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,851 Then maybe brunch? 370 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,158 We still have to find out who sold them poison. 371 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:26,811 No, we don't! Stay focused. 372 00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:30,990 Now, through this door lies the entrance to the underworld. 373 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,469 [elevator bell dings] 374 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,515 Join me on the elevator. 375 00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:37,822 Or hell-evator, as those Sub Hub marketing geniuses 376 00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:41,304 referred to it in the summer of '87. 377 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:44,177 Here's how it works-- Everyone gets sent to different floors 378 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,830 based on how they lived their lives. 379 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,223 There's a floor for philanderers, 380 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,877 gossips, heretics. 381 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,357 Oh! There's a Cinnabon on six! 382 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,489 - Roger! - Okay, okay! 383 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,665 Someone's in a hurry to find their dead son. 384 00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,537 - [elevator bell dings] - I think this should be it. 385 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,669 Snot's Mom, Steve's Mom, 386 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,715 welcome to the floor for masturbators. 387 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,021 [all moaning] 388 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,110 I mean, it makes sense... 389 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,896 [elevator bell dings] 390 00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,203 That was... horrifying! 391 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,509 Hmm, no Steve and Snot. 392 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,034 Also, strange it's just a twisted landscape 393 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,513 full of guys cranking it. 394 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,080 Doesn't seem like a punishment. 395 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,430 More like a really good warehouse party. 396 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,693 - Which floor is next? - Sodomites. 397 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,695 I'd recommend waiting here. 398 00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:26,567 - [bird caws] - ALL: Roger! 399 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,092 [elevator bell dings, bird cawing] 400 00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,051 - Did you stop at the Cinnabon? - Yep. 401 00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:35,358 And even better, I finally figured out who Paul Gary is. 402 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:36,794 A sodomite! 403 00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:39,536 My journey has come to an end! 404 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:40,842 Oh, interesting. 405 00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:43,279 The eighth floor is just for nibbling tush. 406 00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,194 My journey might just be getting started! 407 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,718 Roger! Where are the boys? 408 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:50,591 I'm out of ideas. Maybe we just talk to the man in charge? 409 00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,549 And then no matter what he tells us, 410 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:55,117 we can circle back to the tush nibbling floor. 411 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:59,730 And I'm sending my e-mail... 412 00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:01,123 now. 413 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,473 Okay, what are we doing here? What do we need? 414 00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,475 We're looking for our sons. 415 00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:07,260 I will take you to them. 416 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:10,219 They are with the worst of the worst. 417 00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:14,397 The floor for people who support live comedy. 418 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,573 I didn't say a billion oil tankers. 419 00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:20,099 I said a billion oil tankers! 420 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:22,927 Oops, I told that wrong! That's my time! 421 00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:25,408 ANNOUNCER: All right! Keep it going for Crazy Dave. 422 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:29,020 Up next, he's the only comedian down here-- Crazy Dave! 423 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,240 Just a reminder, guys. 424 00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,112 This is a punishment for me, too. 425 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,243 There they are! 426 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,766 - Steve! - Mom! 427 00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,246 - Snot! - Snot's Mom! 428 00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:38,943 You're coming home. 429 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,336 Who says we want to go? 430 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:43,252 Yeah, down here, no one says we can't be friends. 431 00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,863 You can be friends back home. 432 00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:48,431 Steve, I'm sorry. 433 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:51,304 As a mother, I should've put you first. 434 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:54,481 And it was wrong of me to do something that made you die. 435 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:58,833 I'm sorry, too, Snot. Children should be alive. 436 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:02,184 Wow, you guys really have learned your lesson. 437 00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:05,100 I love you, Mom. Let's go home. 438 00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,668 Not so fast! 439 00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:10,453 I can't just release souls back into the world of the living. 440 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,716 A bargain must be struck! 441 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,196 [both gasp] 442 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,633 Yow! That was sick! 443 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:19,462 [warbling] 444 00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:22,030 Your refusal to spend time together 445 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:25,164 started Steve and Snot on the journey that led them here. 446 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:27,470 If you want them to go back, 447 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,647 you must stay behind in this room together. 448 00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,519 Ugh, really? 449 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:33,824 For how long? 450 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,826 For eternity! 451 00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:38,351 I heard you at the funeral! You said you would! 452 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:41,397 But they'll be miserable without their mothers! 453 00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,487 They won't remember you. No one will. 454 00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:46,097 It will be as if you never existed. 455 00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,491 But they will be alive. 456 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,276 And they'll have each other? 457 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,411 We accept. 458 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,065 Okay, great! That's great. 459 00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,328 Just a bit of business-- In a half-hour or so, 460 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,591 one of my archangels is actually gonna need this room, 461 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:04,768 so we'll probably have to move you to another room. 462 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,031 No, you know what? I'm the devil, I'm the boss. 463 00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:10,383 You're gonna stay here. He can go to another room. 464 00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,689 You know what? I should ask. 465 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:16,084 [warbling] 466 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,262 Hey, wanna stay over at my single dad's house tonight? 467 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,699 Weeknight sleepover! 468 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,049 I'll call my sisterless uncle! 469 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,269 ♪ 470 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:33,623 ♪ If I die before I'm famous♪ 471 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:39,803 ♪ What's the point of anything?♪ 472 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:45,113 ♪ I'm too sentimental to get...♪ 473 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:48,899 STAN: In a different timeline, you have different tattoos. 474 00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,597 That makes sense. 475 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,164 Francine loves Muppet Treasure Island. 476 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,949 Francine? Who is-- 477 00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:56,733 Francine! 478 00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:58,735 Bye! Have a great time!