1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:04,469
I love when our moms
have book club.
2
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,871
They talk books,
and we have...
3
00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:09,141
Weeknight sleepovers!
Weeknight sleepovers!
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:13,145
Two best friends,
just doing their thang,
5
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,614
Making collages
or whatnot.
6
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:19,151
While my mom gets too drunk
to drive me home.
7
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:22,220
"treasure island"!
What'd you think?
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:26,158
So good! How crazy
was gonzo's story arc?!
9
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,826
Gonzo?
Yeah!
10
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,162
When they pulled him down
from the sail
11
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,298
And his fuzzy blue arms
got all stretched out
12
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,634
And he snapped back
like a window blind!
13
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:39,504
Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut.
That's good writing.
14
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,374
Francine, did you watch
"muppet treasure island"
15
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,109
Instead of reading
the book?
16
00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:47,312
Yes. But it's basically
the same thing.
17
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,247
There's no muppets
in the book!
18
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,715
That sounds boring.
19
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,318
Steve, I don't want to
bore you with the math.
20
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,719
Oh, by all means, do.
21
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,789
These biweekly
book club meetings
22
00:00:56,791 --> 00:01:00,258
Account for almost 40%
of our friendship.
23
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,995
Snot, you've confirmed
what I've always suspected.
24
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:07,065
Weeknight sleepovers are the
cornerstone of our friendship.
25
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,733
The fact
our moms are friends
26
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,936
Makes us the luckiest boys
in the universe.
27
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,006
Do you like the way
I drew the letters?
28
00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:16,408
They look like they came out
of a magazine, right?
29
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,943
You're out of your mind
if you think gonzo's a dog.
30
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,479
He's blue.
31
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:23,015
He woofed
when he saw the treasure!
32
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:26,284
Sometimes I think we don't
have anything in common.
33
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,286
Are we just pretending
to get along
34
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,154
Because our sons
are friends?
35
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:31,356
I think so.
36
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,225
Maybe we can...Stop?
37
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,760
Let's never hang out
again!
38
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,562
Steve!
39
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,898
We have an exciting
announcement.
40
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:44,102
Snot's mom and I have decided to
stop pretending to be friends.
41
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,437
Pretending?
42
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:48,440
Yep! Book club is
canceled forever.
43
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:52,911
[ gasps ] a 40% decrease
in friendship?
44
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,380
♪♪
45
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,982
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:01,720
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,923
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
48
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:09,461
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪
49
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:14,599
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
50
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,935
♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,337
Aah!
52
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,675
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:22,677 --> 00:02:25,410
Please, you have
to stay friends!
54
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:26,945
Think of the children!
55
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,748
No one's saying
you two can't be friends.
56
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,816
Why does it matter
if we are?
57
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,086
Well, I don't want to bore you
with the math, mrs. Smith --
58
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,487
Please, don't.
59
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,623
Listen, maybe you just
need to clear the air.
60
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,826
Why don't we talk about what
bothers you about each other?
61
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:42,827
I'll start.
62
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,230
She's never seen
"muppet treasure island,"
63
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,432
Which is a big problem
for me.
64
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:50,569
Book club is just an excuse
for you to get shithosed!
65
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,571
You brought
your own bartender!
66
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,774
Paul gary's the name,
mixologist is the game!
67
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,644
I've got aperol spritzes.
Boiling hot aperol spritzes!
68
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,980
He's not even
a good bartender!
69
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,916
Aperol spritzers
are served cold!
70
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:06,585
What are you,
the aperol spritzers police?!
71
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,254
I'm sorry, I'm defensive
because you're right.
72
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,923
I'm a terrible
mixologist!
73
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,658
Let's go, steve.
74
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:17,129
Our friendship will
survive this, right?
75
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:19,732
[ voice breaking ] I'll need to
crunch the numbers.
76
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:24,536
If paul gary isn't a mixologist,
then who is he?
77
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,605
This is the beginning...
Shh!
78
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,808
...Beginning of
a deeply personal journey.
79
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,277
This is...
Get over yourselves!
80
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,646
...My story.
81
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,617
Cheer up, steve.
82
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,219
We can still be friends
even if our moms aren't.
83
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,423
Your moms aren't friends
anymore? Well, I'm out.
84
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:47,692
I am not gonna watch
your friendship fall apart.
85
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:48,827
What are you
talking about?
86
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,562
Your moms being friends
is the glue
87
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,364
Holding the two of you
together.
88
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,898
It's like
on the show "friends."
89
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,634
Remember how their friendship
was held together
90
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,169
By a deep mutual love
91
00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:59,972
Of being paid
a million dollars an episode?
92
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,506
That's your moms.
93
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,241
[ scoffs ] that's --
that's crazy.
94
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,777
Toshi, tell him.
95
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:09,447
Toshi? Toshi!
Say something!
96
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:14,653
I speak fluent english
and have the whole time.
97
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,857
Hey, guys,
are your moms friends?
98
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:22,661
Uh, was "the poisonwood bible"
written by barbara kingsolver?
99
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:25,063
We're not losing
barry and toshi.
100
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,531
How do we fix this?
101
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,333
Roger: May I suggest
drugging the moms?
102
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:31,670
Are you the bartender
from my mom's house?
103
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,071
Sort of. You see,
104
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:37,810
I'm on a deeply personal journey
to find out who I am.
105
00:04:37,812 --> 00:04:39,944
Okay.
106
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,746
Paul gary isn't
a mixologist,
107
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,683
So I enrolled at pearl bailey
to use the chemistry lab.
108
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:48,353
Because I am now...
A. Paul gary,
109
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,022
Drug mixologist.
110
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:53,225
I mix illegal narcotics together
to see what they do.
111
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,960
And recently, I came across
something interesting.
112
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,763
I was working in my lab
late one night,
113
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,834
When my eyes
beheld an eerie sight.
114
00:05:01,836 --> 00:05:04,569
That's "monster mash," right?
You're doing "monster mash"?
115
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,239
Never heard of it.
Anyway, I was working in the lab
116
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:08,841
Late one night...
117
00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:11,710
♪ when my eyes
beheld an eerie sight ♪
118
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:15,580
♪ I had acid on a tab,
weed in a bag ♪
119
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,916
♪ a splash of ether
on a rag ♪
120
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,784
♪ he did the mash ♪
♪ he did the mash ♪
121
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,319
♪ I did
the narcotics mash ♪
122
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,921
♪ narcotics mash ♪
♪ narcotics mash ♪
123
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:25,390
♪ it was
a coked-out bash ♪
124
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,059
This is "monster mash"!
125
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:29,394
I don't know
that song!
126
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:30,929
I don't know any songs!
127
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,532
All I do know is
your moms are milds --
128
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,200
Mothers I'd like
to drug.
129
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:39,003
And the mash I discovered in
my lab works as a love drug.
130
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,806
Drugs can make people
fall in love?
131
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,475
Drugs can do
almost anything
132
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,343
Once you realize
they're super good for you.
133
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:49,081
Anyway, I'm proposing we dose
your moms with the love drug
134
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:51,083
And make them
fall back in love!
135
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:52,551
And it will work?
136
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,019
Steve, are you actually thinking
about doing this?
137
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,622
What other options
do we have?
I don't know!
138
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,958
We only brainstormed
for like two seconds
139
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Before we started talking
to this guy.
140
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,362
Snot's in!
Love that enthusiasm!
141
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,765
I'll mix up the drugs,
and you two trick your moms
142
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,500
Into meeting up!
♪ they did the mash ♪
143
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,969
Aah! Scary song!
[ glass shatters ]
144
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,108
I can't believe
the "impractical jokers"
145
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:19,043
Are doing a meet-and-greet
in langley falls!
146
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,979
Yeah, well,
it's true.
147
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,248
Steve,
you seem nervous.
148
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:27,452
Wait, are you worried the jokers
are gonna joke you?
149
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,854
[ chuckles ] don't
flatter yourself.
150
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,724
No one's putting a hot dog
in your pocket.
151
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,527
Now, remember, snot,
when we meet the jokers,
152
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,395
You're my nephew.
153
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,663
Francine.
154
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,733
[ elevator bell dings ]
155
00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:41,934
Shove!
156
00:06:41,936 --> 00:06:43,201
Drugs!
157
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,869
What is this?
Don't leave me in here --
158
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:48,140
Congrats on a perfectly executed
drugging, boys.
159
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,576
To the 33rd floor!
160
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,212
Whoa.
I really hope
this works.
161
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:57,349
Did you even notice that I
basically teleported us up here?
162
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:58,617
I was impressed.
163
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,619
Thank you,
snot's mom's kid.
164
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,487
Now, by the time
these doors open,
165
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,623
Your moms
will be fast friends,
166
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,691
Unless the dose
is too strong.
167
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,027
Are you two prepared to
see your moms hooking up?
168
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,363
I'm not saying it's
what I want to see,
169
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:12,965
But I won't
be disappointed.
170
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:15,700
[ elevator bell dings ]
well, I hope you two --
171
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,569
[ grunts ]
[ screams ]
172
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,572
What is happening?!
They're worse than before!
173
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,041
This might not
be a love drug.
174
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,577
[ sniffs ] yeah, this is meth.
I made meth.
175
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,913
Welp, when in rome...
[ sniffs ]
176
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,582
Aah!
177
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,784
[ grunting ]
178
00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:34,052
Well,
this is surprising.
179
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,721
So to get us to be friends,
you drugged us?!
180
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,923
I don't want you seeing snot
anymore.
181
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,126
He's a terrible influence
on you!
182
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,461
What?!
No way!
183
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,997
I forbid snot
from seeing steve!
184
00:07:44,999 --> 00:07:47,666
He's the one who started
calling him snot,
185
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,067
And now everyone
says it!
186
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,870
No, mom! Please,
it was my fault.
187
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,006
It's my fault!
Don't do this!
188
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,141
[ sobbing ]
but it's really my fault.
189
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,943
I'm a terrible
drug mixologist.
190
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,881
Will a. Paul gary ever know
who he's supposed to be?
191
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,850
My story continues.
192
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,589
♪♪
193
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,858
Well, I'm off.
Goodbye, father.
194
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,060
Goodbye, sister.
Goodbye, fish.
195
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,996
Damn,
he left out mother.
196
00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:19,664
Don't try to sneak around
with snot at school!
197
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,132
I will find out!
198
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,268
We're finally
getting rid of snot?
199
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,803
Good.
That kid is the worst.
200
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,005
Stan, you love snot.
I do?
201
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,274
Yeah, I think your
"memento"-style amnesia
202
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,475
Is acting up.
203
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,011
You need to check
your tattoos.
204
00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:34,479
Interesting.
205
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,548
Concerning.
206
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:39,618
Oh, yeah! Why are we getting
rid of snot? He's the best!
207
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:43,422
Because mom can't put her son
ahead of her selfish wants.
208
00:08:43,424 --> 00:08:45,156
That's how it started.
209
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,959
But then someone decided
to drug their mom.
210
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,096
Oh, if it was so awful,
then why did you and roger
211
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,165
Finish the baggie and go
to that warehouse party?!
212
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:57,436
I had no choice
but to dance it off!
213
00:08:57,438 --> 00:09:00,639
"you appreciate
your family."
214
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,307
That doesn't
sound right.
215
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,043
No, it doesn't.
216
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,246
♪♪
217
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:10,782
Gosh, our moms did not respond
well to getting dosed, huh?
218
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,117
No kidding.
219
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,653
My mom told me I couldn't
even see you at school.
220
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,187
Rule breakers!
221
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:20,325
Last night, I got a phone call
from your mom, smith.
222
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,194
This friendship
has always weirded me out,
223
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:26,331
And I am on board
with tearing it apart!
224
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,599
Billy!
225
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,868
Here are
your new schedules.
226
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,203
Zero classes together.
227
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,939
Billy, why are you
helping him?
228
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,742
I've already
got the stitches.
229
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,811
Might as well
be a snitches.
230
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:43,548
♪♪
231
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,816
[ grunts ]
232
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,417
Aah!
Aah!
233
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:55,760
♪♪
234
00:09:55,762 --> 00:10:02,101
♪♪
235
00:10:02,103 --> 00:10:04,369
Aah!
236
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,705
♪♪
237
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,841
What are we going to do?
Lewis is everywhere.
238
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,843
We could build a friendship
here.
239
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,244
This stall
isn't so bad.
240
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,981
I'm doing
a "trainspotting"!
241
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:21,586
Steve and snot, two friends,
both alike in stupidity.
242
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,922
Busted as hell!
243
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,256
Since you can't
be trusted,
244
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:27,859
I'll be escorting smith
to his next class.
245
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:30,261
Aah!
[ toilet flushes ]
246
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:33,799
[ pebbles clinking ]
247
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,670
[ insects chirping ]
steve!
248
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,071
What are you
doing here?
249
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,674
I can't sit at home knowing
you're down the road
250
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,210
Staring up at the same stars
as me!
251
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,346
I actually don't look at
the stars that often.
252
00:10:47,348 --> 00:10:49,481
They've always
kind of bored me.
253
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,682
[ bulbs pops, engine revs ]
254
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,351
That's right,
chuckle heads!
255
00:10:52,353 --> 00:10:55,420
I'm patrolling your houses,
too!
256
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,222
Run!
257
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,624
♪♪
258
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,292
[ engine revving ]
259
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:05,764
♪♪
260
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,032
[ tires screech ]
261
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,367
Go in on foot, billy!
262
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,635
I'll cut them off
on the other side.
263
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,839
[ tires screeching ]
264
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,907
I think we lost him.
265
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,108
[ both gasp ]
266
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,178
End of the road...
267
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:21,847
[ flashlight clicks ]
...For my hypocrisy.
268
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:24,983
I, too, know what it is
to be in love.
269
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:27,318
[ chuckling ] I wouldn't say
we're in love.
270
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,121
But my father
forbids our union.
271
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,892
I don't know why.
He created her!
272
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,796
Isn't she beautiful?
273
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,464
Yeah, yeah, super pretty.
Uh-huh, totally.
274
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,800
Now go! Wait!
275
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,870
He needs to think
you overpowered me.
276
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,739
I know violence isn't
in your nature, but --
277
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,675
Eat knuckles, freak!
278
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:55,280
You went easy on me,
steve!
279
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,283
Ma'am.
280
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,719
Psst. Over here!
281
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,356
Wait, this is
that bartender again.
282
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,691
Mixologist.
283
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:09,494
And, yes, I'm still on
a deeply personal journey
284
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:11,897
To discover
who I'm supposed to be.
285
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,632
But I think
I've figured it out!
286
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:16,034
And I've gone
full apothecary!
287
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:21,172
That's right! A. Paul gary
is now a. Poth e. Cary,
288
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,575
Dealing in potions
and poisons.
289
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:28,313
Which, at the moment, are
a little difficult to tell apart
290
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,716
Because my label maker
is garbage.
291
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:33,652
I hear you've got a real
"romeo and juliet" problem.
292
00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:36,855
Well, I have a
"romeo and juliet" solution --
293
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,457
Fake your deaths!
294
00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:39,791
Uhh...
295
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,661
Yes! There's that famous
snot enthusiasm!
296
00:12:42,663 --> 00:12:44,195
You see,
on this shelf,
297
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:47,065
I've got thousands of unlabeled
potions and poisons.
298
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,134
This will put you
in a deep slumber,
299
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,936
Indistinguishable
from death.
300
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:54,606
When you're found "dead," your
mothers will blame themselves.
301
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,208
We'll time it so you wake up
at your own funeral,
302
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,743
And then you pop out
of your coffins,
303
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,011
And they'll be
so relieved,
304
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,346
They'll let you
be friends again!
305
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,082
Steve,
we can't do this.
306
00:13:03,084 --> 00:13:04,883
The love drug
was a disaster.
307
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,751
Disaster?
This guy's acting like
308
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,087
You didn't see me punching
myself in the dick.
309
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,823
We don't have
another choice.
310
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,825
Okay, let's do it.
311
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,226
Wait.
312
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,296
That one was
the poison.
313
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,199
There.
314
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:22,767
There.
315
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,369
There.
316
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,705
Actually, whoa.
Here's the potion.
317
00:13:26,707 --> 00:13:29,641
All the little ones are full
of poison...I think.
318
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,777
But let's just decide
to feel confident.
319
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,380
[ somber music playing ]
320
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:40,852
♪♪
321
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:45,924
♪♪
322
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:55,667
♪♪
323
00:13:55,669 --> 00:14:03,408
♪♪
324
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:07,679
[ both crying ]
325
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:11,350
Steve and snot had a friendship
so close
326
00:14:11,352 --> 00:14:13,685
That they died
in each other's arms,
327
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,621
Clinging so tight that
they could not be separated.
328
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:21,760
Now they will be laid to rest
together, in one big-ass coffin.
329
00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:24,629
[ both crying ]
330
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,566
Francine,
I'm so sorry.
331
00:14:27,568 --> 00:14:30,435
All I had to do
was pretend to like you,
332
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,771
And none of this
would have happened!
333
00:14:32,773 --> 00:14:35,440
No, snot's mom.
I'm sorry.
334
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,910
I'd spend an eternity
pretending to like you
335
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:42,247
If it meant steve
would be alive again.
336
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,449
After our loved ones
move on,
337
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,985
Do we ever see them again
on this earth?
338
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,920
Most people say no,
339
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:53,292
But I say, sometimes
we get a second chance!
340
00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:57,062
Hmm. Shit.
341
00:14:57,064 --> 00:15:00,065
I must've given them poison.
How could that have happened?
342
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,067
Everyone, I have
an announcement.
343
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,135
This is actually
a real funeral.
344
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,205
This is
a strange eulogy.
345
00:15:06,207 --> 00:15:09,208
Uh, second announcement --
I'm not a good apothecary.
346
00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:12,343
My story marches onward.
347
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,414
Please don't let roger speak
at my funeral.
348
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,219
Guys, I know you're sad
about snot,
349
00:15:20,221 --> 00:15:23,088
But let me turn that grief
into relief,
350
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,356
That sadness
into gladness,
351
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,427
That sorrow into "the sun'll
come out tomorrow".
352
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:30,562
Huh,
I'm good at these.
353
00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:31,830
Wait! I was gonna
tell you something!
354
00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:34,099
You know how I've been
on this crazy adventure
355
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:35,834
Trying to nail down
this persona?
356
00:15:35,836 --> 00:15:37,502
Uh-huh!
Well, I got it!
357
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:41,507
Apothe-carrie bradshaw,
sex blogger!
358
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:45,244
I couldn't help but wonder,
would steve be alive
359
00:15:45,246 --> 00:15:47,646
If I hadn't accidentally
poisoned him?
360
00:15:47,648 --> 00:15:51,382
But sometimes that's how it goes
when you're "sex and the city."
361
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,319
You poisoned steve?!
And snot!
362
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,187
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy!
363
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,056
If you really miss him,
we can get him back.
364
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,325
What the hell are
you talking about?!
365
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,928
We can go to the underworld
and get him back.
366
00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:04,463
The underworld?!
367
00:16:04,465 --> 00:16:07,266
No mortal knows the path
to the underworld!
368
00:16:07,268 --> 00:16:10,135
Yeah-huh! There's an elevator
in the back of sub hub.
369
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,603
They had a promotion
in the '80s
370
00:16:11,605 --> 00:16:13,706
Where they were
sending people to hell.
371
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,276
Now that my two favorite
sad moms
372
00:16:17,278 --> 00:16:19,144
Have put their differences
aside,
373
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,946
It's time to get
their boys back.
374
00:16:20,948 --> 00:16:22,213
Then maybe brunch?
375
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,483
We still have to find out
who sold them poison.
376
00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:26,217
No, we don't!
Stay focused.
377
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:30,289
Now, through this door lies the
entrance to the underworld.
378
00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:32,023
[ elevator bell dings ]
379
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,825
Join me
on the elevator.
380
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:37,228
Or hell-evator, as those
sub hub marketing geniuses
381
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:40,565
Referred to it
in the summer of '87.
382
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,635
Here's how it works -- everyone
gets sent to different floors
383
00:16:43,637 --> 00:16:45,304
Based on how they lived
their lives.
384
00:16:45,306 --> 00:16:46,972
There's a floor
for philanderers,
385
00:16:46,974 --> 00:16:48,373
Gossips, heretics.
386
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,908
Oh!
There's a cinnabon on six!
387
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,776
Roger!
Okay, okay!
388
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,045
Someone's in a hurry
to find their dead son.
389
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,047
[ elevator bell dings ]
I think this should be it.
390
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,916
Snot's mom, steve's mom,
391
00:16:57,918 --> 00:17:01,120
Welcome to the floor
for masturbators.
[ all moaning ]
392
00:17:01,122 --> 00:17:04,189
I mean,
it makes sense...
393
00:17:05,326 --> 00:17:07,258
[ elevator bell dings ]
394
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,795
That was...Horrifying!
395
00:17:09,797 --> 00:17:11,730
Hmm,
no steve and snot.
396
00:17:11,732 --> 00:17:14,265
Also, strange it's just
a twisted landscape
397
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,934
Full of guys
cranking it.
398
00:17:15,936 --> 00:17:17,336
Doesn't seem like
a punishment.
399
00:17:17,338 --> 00:17:19,604
More like a really good
warehouse party.
400
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,141
Which floor is next?
Sodomites.
401
00:17:22,143 --> 00:17:24,143
I'd recommend
waiting here.
402
00:17:24,145 --> 00:17:26,311
[ bird caws ]
all: Roger!
403
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,348
[ elevator bell dings,
bird cawing ]
404
00:17:29,350 --> 00:17:31,416
Did you stop
at the cinnabon?
Yep.
405
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,953
And even better, I finally
figured out who paul gary is.
406
00:17:34,955 --> 00:17:36,155
A sodomite!
407
00:17:36,157 --> 00:17:38,757
My journey
has come to an end!
408
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:40,225
Oh, interesting.
409
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,427
The eighth floor is
just for nibbling tush.
410
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,563
My journey might just be
getting started!
411
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,765
Roger!
Where are the boys?
412
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:50,101
I'm out of ideas. Maybe we just
talk to the man in charge?
413
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,837
And then no matter
what he tells us,
414
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:54,639
We can circle back to
the tush nibbling floor.
415
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:58,844
And I'm sending
my e-mail...
416
00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:00,445
Now.
417
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,914
Okay, what are we doing here?
What do we need?
418
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,050
We're looking
for our sons.
419
00:18:05,052 --> 00:18:06,518
I will take you
to them.
420
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,588
They are with the worst
of the worst.
421
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:13,592
The floor for people
who support live comedy.
422
00:18:13,594 --> 00:18:16,127
I didn't say
a billion oil tankers.
423
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:19,330
I said a billion oil tankers!
424
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,001
Oops, I told that wrong!
That's my time!
425
00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:24,603
Announcer: Alright!
Keep it going for crazy dave.
426
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:28,540
Up next, he's the only comedian
down here -- crazy dave!
427
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,475
Just a reminder, guys.
428
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,611
This is a punishment
for me, too.
429
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:33,945
There they are!
430
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,146
Steve!
Mom!
431
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,882
Snot!
Snot's mom!
432
00:18:36,884 --> 00:18:38,349
You're coming home.
433
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:39,618
Who says
we want to go?
434
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,487
Yeah, down here, no one says
we can't be friends.
435
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,290
You can be friends
back home.
436
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,692
Steve, I'm sorry.
437
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,562
As a mother,
I should've put you first.
438
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,765
And it was wrong of me to do
something that made you die.
439
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:57,969
I'm sorry, too, snot.
Children should be alive.
440
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:01,372
Wow, you guys really have
learned your lesson.
441
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:04,643
I love you, mom.
Let's go home.
442
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,245
Not so fast!
443
00:19:06,247 --> 00:19:09,714
I can't just release souls back
into the world of the living.
444
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,183
A bargain
must be struck!
445
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,452
[ both gasp ]
446
00:19:13,454 --> 00:19:16,054
Yow!
That was sick!
447
00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:18,590
[ warbling ]
448
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,192
Your refusal
to spend time together
449
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:24,596
Started steve and snot on
the journey that led them here.
450
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:26,598
If you want them
to go back,
451
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:30,068
You must stay behind
in this room together.
452
00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,870
Ugh, really?
453
00:19:31,872 --> 00:19:33,072
For how long?
454
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:34,873
For eternity!
455
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,476
I heard you at the funeral!
You said you would!
456
00:19:37,478 --> 00:19:40,545
But they'll be miserable
without their mothers!
457
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:43,615
They won't remember you.
No one will.
458
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,284
It will be as if
you never existed.
459
00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:47,686
But they will
be alive.
460
00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:50,589
And they'll have
each other?
461
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,559
We accept.
462
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:56,227
Okay, great!
That's great.
463
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,630
Just a bit of business --
in a half-hour or so,
464
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,765
One of my archangels is actually
gonna need this room,
465
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,769
So we'll probably have to
move you to another room.
466
00:20:03,771 --> 00:20:06,105
No, you know what?
I'm the devil, I'm the boss.
467
00:20:06,107 --> 00:20:09,174
You're gonna stay here.
He can go to another room.
468
00:20:09,176 --> 00:20:12,177
You know what?
I should ask.
469
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:15,614
[ warbling ]
470
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:19,851
Hey, wanna stay over at my
single dad's house tonight?
471
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:22,121
Weeknight sleepover!
472
00:20:22,123 --> 00:20:24,389
I'll call
my sisterless uncle!
473
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,525
♪♪
474
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:32,798
♪ if I die before I'm famous ♪
475
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:38,737
♪ what's the point
of anything? ♪
476
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:44,275
♪ I'm too sentimental
to get... ♪
477
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:48,213
Stan: In a different timeline,
you have different tattoos.
478
00:20:48,215 --> 00:20:49,748
That makes sense.
479
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:52,351
Francine loves
"muppet treasure island."
480
00:20:52,353 --> 00:20:54,419
Francine? Who is --
481
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,021
Francine!
482
00:20:56,023 --> 00:20:57,990
Bye! Have a great time!