1 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,484 Thanks again for having us over, guys. 2 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:09,661 Your home is beautiful! They could shoot pornos here! 3 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,141 They have. 4 00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,622 This B-B-Q is the least we can do. 5 00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:16,190 Your son defended Toshi's honor at school! 6 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,061 Oh, it was nothing. 7 00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,759 Anyone could've helped him vandalize that lunch lady's car. 8 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:28,593 Oh! Oh, Toshi, one of these days, 9 00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,943 you'll have to teach me Japanese. 10 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,816 Hideki, my man, I gotta say I'm lovin' it here! 11 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,906 Your house is gigantic, your pool is dangerously deep, 12 00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,951 and I like how you're wearing dress shoes and socks 13 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,779 with your Speedo. Powerful look. 14 00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,955 Gonna run to the bathroom. 15 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,262 So you know, this is a massive sign of respect. 16 00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:48,091 I usually just go in the pool, even at home. 17 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:51,138 Especially at home. When I'm not swimming. 18 00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:56,621 Where's the bathroom? They have to dump somewhere. 19 00:00:56,665 --> 00:01:00,669 Unless I was supposed to go in the pool. 20 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:03,063 Hideki's got an archery range?! 21 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,977 HIDEKI: Stan, are you pooping or snooping? 22 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,979 - [gasps] - I would, too. 23 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,634 We have a lot of great stuff! 24 00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594 That's our weekend kitchen... 25 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:16,119 This room's just an insanely soft rug to stand barefoot on 26 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,600 while you listen to the Indigo Girls. 27 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,169 And Triangle Room. 28 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:26,129 But you have a triangular room. 29 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,392 Why didn't you put your triangles in there? 30 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,134 [laughing] 31 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,181 Oh, Stan! [laughs] 32 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,922 You have truly created comedy. 33 00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,576 Thank you. 34 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,796 You know, a lot of people don't get my comedy. 35 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,059 For instance, me right now. 36 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,670 [patriotic music plays] 37 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,456 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 38 00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:52,329 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 39 00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:55,593 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 40 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:59,380 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 41 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,907 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 42 00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,039 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 43 00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,128 Aah! 44 00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:12,958 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 45 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:16,962 [cellphone buzzes] 46 00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:19,008 Damn, someone's blowing up. 47 00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,880 Uh, think that's you, Jeff. 48 00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,056 "Yo, doggy, wanna join me 49 00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,059 for a one-on-one guys' weekend out in the country? 50 00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,150 Peace, love, and titties, Klaus." 51 00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:31,760 Um... 52 00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,502 Why don't we have a house like Hideki's?! 53 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,417 This place sucks compared to theirs! 54 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,462 I think it's perfect here, Dad! 55 00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,464 I'm just grateful for everything we have. 56 00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,292 Then you're a fool, Steve. 57 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:43,965 I don't even wanna think about what Hideki 58 00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,034 would say about this dump. 59 00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,862 Well, you're gonna find out. 60 00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:49,299 I invited him over for dinner this weekend. 61 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,736 You did what?! Hideki can't come here. 62 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,391 He'll think I'm a loser! Aah! 63 00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:57,089 And look at this wall! This place is falling apart! 64 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,439 How could you do this to me?! 65 00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,658 [sobbing] 66 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:03,400 Mother, which day are the Yoshidas coming? 67 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:06,229 You see, traditionally, I take a Sunday stroll, and I... 68 00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,841 We all know about your precious Sunday strolls. 69 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,582 Don't worry. It's Saturday. 70 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,105 Y-e-es! 71 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,369 ["Jungle Boogie" by Kool & The Gang plays] 72 00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:19,242 ♪ 73 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,244 I'm sorry we got interrupted by... 74 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,464 whatever all that was. 75 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,858 Think over my offer, Jeff. I'll be in my alcove. 76 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,339 I think you know where it is. 77 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:33,648 ["Jungle Boogie" by Kool & The Gang plays] 78 00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:36,041 I don't know what to do, babe. 79 00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,652 Things tend to get weird when I hang out 80 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,958 with Mr. Klaus unsupervised. 81 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,092 But it'll be really weird if you tell him you can't go. 82 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,963 He knows you have nothing going on. 83 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,096 - Everyone knows. - They do? 84 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:50,142 That's... flattering! 85 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,930 I'm so screwed! 86 00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,975 Hideki's like the coolest guy I know. 87 00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,847 I can't entertain him in this shitbox! 88 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:02,329 But this is an easy fix. Just go buy some new stuff. 89 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:05,157 With what money? I'm barely keeping my head above water. 90 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:08,248 No, dummy, not real money. Throw it on a credit card! 91 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,554 That's the beauty of credit. You buy now, you pay later. 92 00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,252 Or maybe never! 93 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,297 I wish I could, but the credit-card companies 94 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,039 froze me out after I maxed out 12 cards last summer 95 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:19,476 trying to cut my teeth on the Funny Car circuit. 96 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,130 Oh. Well, then, yeah, 97 00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,958 Hideki's gonna laugh at your clown ass. 98 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,613 Thank you! You get it. No one else does. 99 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,504 I got Steve down there telling me everything's "perfect" 100 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,138 when it clearly isn't. 101 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,922 - Such a dick. - Such a dick. 102 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,837 Easy for him to talk. 103 00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:35,362 He's never had to deal with financial responsibility. 104 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,929 Right? He's never had to pay off three credit cards 105 00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:40,758 with seven other credit cards. He's never had one. 106 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,979 Just letting his virgin credit sit there like a lazy bum. 107 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,937 And it's that dick's fault you're in this jam. 108 00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:47,461 He's Toshi's friend. 109 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,071 You're right. Come on. 110 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:51,160 - We're going to the airport. - Airport? 111 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,423 Seems odd, but I'm with ya, Stan. 112 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,296 Think we'll see any luggage while we're there? 113 00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,906 [airplane flies overhead] 114 00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,952 Sorry. I got held up at security. 115 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:03,955 That was expensive tea, and I wasn't just gonna throw it away. 116 00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,217 So, why are we here anyway? 117 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,263 For this. 118 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,352 I thought you couldn't get credit cards anymore? 119 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:12,790 I can't. Hi. I'd like to sign up for a teen credit card. 120 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:15,880 - My name is Steve Smith. - Whoa. 121 00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:18,970 Hijacking your son's credit? Love it! 122 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,755 Hey, did you buy two boarding passes 123 00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,626 just to come get a credit card here? 124 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,110 You know you can do it online, right? 125 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,848 You can? Oh, my God, I'm ruined! 126 00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,418 This is working great! 127 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,550 Why doesn't everyone steal their son's identity? 128 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,378 Because Instagram makes people feel like they 129 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,337 have to be "good" parents. 130 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,426 So, what do ya think? Grab a couple lava lamps 131 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,254 and a fat stack of Mad magazines for the coffee table, 132 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,779 - call it a day? - Stan, Hideki's fancy. 133 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,868 You need to deck your place out classy 134 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,565 if you want to impress a guy like him. 135 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:52,003 Y-Yes, yes, of course. Like how? 136 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,223 Well, nothing screams "I'm a cool rich guy" 137 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,312 like art and crystals. 138 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,769 And, to be honest, crystals are just a good investment anyway. 139 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,360 They're not just beautiful. 140 00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,101 They channel energy, have healing properties. 141 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,103 They're really magnificent little objects. 142 00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,844 You clearly have a handle on this. 143 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,499 You stay here and buy whatever's going to impress Hideki. 144 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,477 I'm gonna head back and get started on the dinner menu. 145 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,285 I'm thinkin' we scampi everything. 146 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:16,680 Great. But before you go, watch this cool prank. 147 00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:21,468 ♪ 148 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,121 - Hey! - Aah! I got caught! 149 00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,212 I'm sorry. We got off on the wrong foot. 150 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,650 I'm Roger. How 'bout I buy you a fresh dog? 151 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:32,304 [tires squealing] 152 00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,698 KLAUS: I get up to Lake Wittenberg every summer. 153 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:37,309 It's so sick. You'll see. 154 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,878 [tires squeal] 155 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,359 And this is the Pig Pen Bar & Grille. 156 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,754 Had some good nights at the Pen with Perry and the boys. 157 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,886 My local crew, we're like brothers. 158 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,193 Unfortunately, he's away this weekend. 159 00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:54,979 But we'll still kill it. This place is quaint as hell. 160 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,984 This house is only 400K. 161 00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:03,292 You know, Jeff, if you kicked in $399,000, 162 00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:06,382 - we'd only need 1 - K from another source. 163 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,602 [laughter] 164 00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:11,996 Uh-oh. It sounds like the Pig Pen is goin' off! 165 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,085 [laughter] 166 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,826 Sorry, private party. 167 00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,307 Wait. Is that Perry? 168 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:22,877 Perry! Ha ha ha ha! Get your dumb ass over here! 169 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,315 I thought you were gone, bro? This is great news! 170 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:29,579 Yeah. Uh, this is actually my rehearsal dinner. 171 00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:33,148 JEFF: Smart. I wish I had a rehearsal for this ice cream. 172 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,326 [laughs] He's funny. 173 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:40,938 Y-You're getting married without your boy Klaus? 174 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,940 We're just having a small thing. 175 00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,421 But I'm like 3 inches in size. 176 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,467 It doesn't get any smaller than me! 177 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,817 Sorry, man. 178 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,211 This is outrageous. We're boys! 179 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,039 I should be at that wedding. 180 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,128 I should be giving a speech, saying things like, 181 00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,348 "Now that you're married, your dick is in prison!" 182 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,524 Sorry, Mr. Klaus. 183 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,614 I'm sure he just completely forgot you existed. 184 00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:07,791 He can't get married without me. 185 00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:12,796 So I guess that means he won't be getting married. 186 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,059 Oh, hey, since I drove, do you mind 187 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,757 tossing me a few bucks for gas? 188 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,672 Just like $200. 189 00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,326 ♪ 190 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,719 Think we got enough stuff? 191 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,591 Stan, we got everything we need. 192 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,418 The crystals are assaulting this place 193 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:27,811 with good energy as we speak. 194 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,378 Something's different. 195 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:31,206 Stan, did you get a haircut? 196 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:34,078 No, it's the decor! I love it, Dad! 197 00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:37,473 Thank you, son. Someday, it may all belong to you. 198 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,561 That day is today. 199 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,258 [doorbell rings] 200 00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:43,348 You've got this! And one final charge-up. 201 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,829 You can't be too careful these days. 202 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,705 Hi, guys! Come on in. 203 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,620 [groaning] 204 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,578 What is it, Hideki? 205 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:59,277 It's just, I-I-I prefer minimalism. 206 00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:02,454 So all this badly hurts my eyes. 207 00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:06,067 Lead me to the dining area. 208 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,070 Mm. So, I have a funny story. 209 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:12,900 Guess who invited Snot up to his hotel room last night? 210 00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,163 Pete Rose! Yeah. 211 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,141 - So what happened was... - How's the food, Hideki? 212 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:21,473 The meat loaf is a bit... stupid. 213 00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:24,868 You mean the... scampi loaf? 214 00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,740 Is there anything better than two men 215 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,916 sipping brandy in the master bedroom? 216 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,352 Cigar? 217 00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,093 This is the warmest room in the house. 218 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,312 Feel free to take your shirt off. 219 00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:37,620 Thanks for coming. I hope you had a nice time, Hideki. 220 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:41,668 Stan, I had... an above-average time. 221 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,279 Thank you, and goodbye. 222 00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,586 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 223 00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,457 He had an above-average time! 224 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,677 There used to be a fly in this wine. 225 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,113 [gulping] 226 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,724 ♪ 227 00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:57,248 Why are we looking for Perry again? 228 00:09:57,292 --> 00:10:00,295 I told you, because we're trying to find Perry 229 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,603 so I can give him one of these lightly poisoned IPAs... 230 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,562 - not enough to kill him. - [laughter] 231 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,304 Yeah. She's gonna make a great first wife. 232 00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,871 [laughter] 233 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,090 Excuse me. We just want to warm up... 234 00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,092 Whaaa? Is that Perry? 235 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,790 Oh, hey, guys. 236 00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,835 Is this the dinner you were rehearsing for? 237 00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,708 You're doing great! 238 00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:24,058 [laughs] This guy's really funny. 239 00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,321 Like Mad TV funny. 240 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,802 Hey, Perry, sorry if I made things awkward earlier. 241 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,761 How about a beer, as a peace offering? 242 00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,677 Got a real fresh one here for ya! Pssh! 243 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,592 I'll just leave this right next to you, 244 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,941 and, uh... we'll see you around. 245 00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,049 Okay, Jeff, let's get out of here! 246 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,162 Yes! We did it! 247 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:43,425 By the way, I know I gave you a hard time in the car, 248 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,993 but good call on packing your wagon. 249 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:49,474 It was definitely worth 100% of your suitcase space. 250 00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:52,086 ♪ 251 00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,697 He said he had "an above-average time"! 252 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,568 What a success. 253 00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,614 And well done decorating the place. 254 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,050 I wish I could take credit, 255 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,835 but the crystals did the heavy lifting. 256 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,576 Man, you really maximized the hell out of that credit card. 257 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,448 Credit card? Oh, no, no. 258 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,711 That teen credit card barely covered the sand painting 259 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,061 of two Victorian chicks sixty-nining. 260 00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:13,977 No, I had to take out a $50,000 loan from a loan shark 261 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,239 - to buy all that. - What? 262 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,546 Relax! We don't have to pay it back. 263 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,722 He made me leave my wallet as collateral, 264 00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,420 but all that was in there was Steve's stupid credit card! 265 00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,902 It's a common name. They'll never track it back to our Steve. 266 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:29,036 And you're certain there wasn't anything else in that wallet? 267 00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:32,039 Yep! I remember moving everything out to my new Peppa Pig wallet. 268 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,780 Could I have missed something? Possibly. 269 00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,478 I did it super fast while I was rushing around Six Flags. 270 00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,219 But pretty sure I didn't. 271 00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,830 I had meth-focus that day. [clicks tongue] 272 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,093 So I'm supposed to feel "pretty sure" 273 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,705 that a loan shark won't come hunting my son? 274 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,663 Nope. Can't do it. Let's call the guy. 275 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,926 Fine. His name's Mike Donkey. 276 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,102 But I'm telling you, this really isn't necessary. 277 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,800 -[line ringing] - Yeah. 278 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,716 - Hi. Mike Donkey? - Yeah. 279 00:11:56,759 --> 00:12:00,894 I think someone, uh, stole my wallet and left it with you. 280 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,766 It had a "Steve Smith" teen credit card in it? 281 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,768 Yep, got it right here. 282 00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:08,553 Been using it to weigh down the lid on my chameleon tank. 283 00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,860 Good, good. So there was nothing else in there 284 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,166 besides the card, right? 285 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,037 Nope, very light wallet. 286 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,560 Chameleons are moving it at will. 287 00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,693 Oh, thank God! I'll... I'll just cancel the card. 288 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,738 Thanks for your time! 289 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,740 No, thank you... 290 00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,611 Stan Smith, is it? 291 00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,395 On Cherry Street? 292 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,547 Because, until right now, I didn't have enough information 293 00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,573 to track this kid down, 294 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,141 but I just ran a search on your phone number. 295 00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:33,143 I'm gonna guess your wallet wasn't stolen 296 00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,232 and you were thinking of ditching out on that loan? 297 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,581 But you had to double-check first 298 00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,211 because this kid with your same last name 299 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,802 is someone important to you. 300 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:40,934 This guy's good! 301 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,718 What is he, your son? 302 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,242 Cousin? Non-blood nephew? 303 00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,288 You sound like a guy with a sibling who adopts. 304 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,203 You know, it doesn't matter. 305 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:50,963 What does matter is, somebody's gonna pay me 306 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,685 that 50 grand by 6:00 P.M. tomorrow, 307 00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,645 or I'm finding the kid and breaking his legs. 308 00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,255 [cellphone beeps] 309 00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:00,605 - [whimpers] - This is on me. 310 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,651 This probably wouldn't have happened if I gave you 311 00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,262 a tiny crystal to put in your butthole before the call. 312 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,571 How did I get in this mess?! 313 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,094 All I did was whatever it took 314 00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:13,270 to impress my son's friend's cool dad! 315 00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,707 Stan, Mike Donkey knows where you live. 316 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,492 I think the only way out is to pay him. 317 00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:20,234 But how do we get 50 grand in less than a day?! 318 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,584 Hey, what if we counterfeit the money? 319 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,041 It doesn't have to be perfect, just close enough to trick him. 320 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,284 Great thought, but my printer just crapped out on me. 321 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,199 [honking] 322 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,158 - I think it's out of ink. - Damn it! 323 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,551 We need something, or Steve's legs are toast! 324 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,554 We could probably get 25 grand for your SUV, right? 325 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,861 What if we sold it, then went to Atlantic City 326 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,124 and tried to double that money up at a casino? 327 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,561 And leave my son's very legs to chance? 328 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,999 Chance? Are you forgetting we have the power 329 00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,001 of the crystals on our side, Stan? 330 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,133 I'm not doubting the crystals are absolute beasts, 331 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:52,832 it's just... maybe there's another way. 332 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,659 Sure, think on it. Take some time. 333 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,115 But we both know we're gonna do this, 334 00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,880 so I'm gonna go ahead and pack. 335 00:13:57,924 --> 00:14:00,752 ♪ 336 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,886 Okay. Let's split up and start chipping away at separate tables. 337 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,975 We're not gonna win 50 grand grinding away 338 00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,455 at five-dollar blackjack. 339 00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,370 We gotta go balls to the wall. 340 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,676 I say we go to the room and charge up with the crystals 341 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,722 until the last possible minute. 342 00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,551 Then we hit the tables at max power and bet it all on red. 343 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,466 We'll be so juiced, it's gotta hit! 344 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,685 Smart. 345 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:23,340 - Can you feel 'em working? - I think so! 346 00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,081 Do they make your lower back tighten up? 347 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,909 [cellphone chimes] 348 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:29,694 Oh, yeah, I forgot Jabbawockeez are performing here. 349 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,934 Hey, if we're just gonna be sittin' around absorbing energy, 350 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,785 we might as well enjoy the hotel, right? 351 00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:35,372 - What about the crystals? - We'll bring 'em with us, 352 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:36,527 charge up in luxury. 353 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:37,877 We've earned it! 354 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,748 You're right. 355 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,924 We earned this. 356 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,275 [indistinct conversations] 357 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,628 ♪ 358 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,674 [cheers and applause] 359 00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,546 I guarantee they charged up before the show. 360 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:58,201 That move's impossible without crystals. 361 00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:01,465 See ya! Goin' on my Sunday stroll! 362 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,947 I'm gettin' tired of this Sunday Stroll shit. 363 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,819 Oh, my God, thank you! 364 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,953 ["Classic" by The Knocks plays] 365 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:17,481 ♪ 366 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,570 ♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy ♪ 367 00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:22,051 ♪ Don't be shy, don't be shy ♪ 368 00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,663 ♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy ♪ 369 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:31,452 ♪ It was a summer time, that summer high ♪ 370 00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:35,282 ♪ Oh, what a masterpiece ♪ 371 00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,501 - [cellphone beeps, line rings] - Hey, boss, 372 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,939 we got the kid's beautiful legs in our sights. 373 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,637 Don't move on him yet. They have a little more time. 374 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,204 And I know we're working, 375 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,336 but you don't have to call me "boss." 376 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,470 You can call me "Dad," Mike Donkey Jr. 377 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,863 ♪ 378 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:55,258 [inhales sharply] Here we go. 379 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:57,913 $25,000 on red. 380 00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,398 Or maybe black! Stan, what did you do?! 381 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,533 [ball clinging] 382 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,929 Red! I did it! 383 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,149 Hell yeah! The power of crystals! 384 00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,759 - Mm. - Mm. 385 00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:20,457 Stan, do we... double down? 386 00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,677 The crystals are clearly working. 387 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,679 It would solve a lot of problems. 388 00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,290 I could finally go nuts in that Men's Wearhouse. 389 00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,466 Let's do it! 390 00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:34,558 ♪ 391 00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,561 I'm not even gonna watch, 'cause I know we're gonna win. 392 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,737 We are so charged, we could fly to the moon. 393 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,043 Ye-ea-eah! Yes! 394 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,914 - Red! - Yeah! 395 00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,613 - Mm. - Mm. One more? 396 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,504 I mean, they're basically giving away money at this point. 397 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,443 We gotta, right? 398 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:58,930 ♪ 399 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,629 - Yeah! Yes! Yeah! - Ye-ea-eah! 400 00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:05,067 I can't believe we doubled down and won five times! 401 00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,938 Pull over. I gotta take a leak. 402 00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,811 That's the crystals. They have no patience for toxins. 403 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:12,248 [brakes squeal] 404 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,685 We only have an hour to pay the loan shark. 405 00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:17,819 Might have to pee from the bathroom doorway to save time. 406 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,473 [car door closes] 407 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,131 All right, let's go pay this scumbag. 408 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,354 Uh, Roger, does it feel like 409 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,269 the car's riding a little lower to you? 410 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:36,751 No, it's... always been this way. 411 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,625 It's not my fault, Stan! Look how huge it is! 412 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,106 I was powerless to its lavender pull! 413 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,283 Roger, how much of our winnings did you spend? 414 00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,112 Just... all of them? 415 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,593 My boy's gonna get his legs mangled! 416 00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:56,118 I, for one, think Steve's legs are a small price to pay 417 00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,729 for the wonderful weekend we've shared together! 418 00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:01,602 ♪ 419 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,908 Any minute now, the wedding planner is gonna run by, 420 00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:07,173 yelling that the groom's sick and the wedding's off. 421 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,000 Ooh! It's gonna be so sweet! 422 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:13,048 I'm sitting extra still, because if I do, I get s'mores later! 423 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,355 - [footsteps approaching] - Here we go! 424 00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,792 My best man is violently ill! 425 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,751 No, he's not. Y-You are. 426 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:24,190 I don't know what happened. He only had one IPA last night. 427 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,931 [breathes deeply] But the show must go on. 428 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:30,109 It feels meant to be that I bumped into you, Klaus. 429 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,285 Would you... 430 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,939 let me borrow Jeff to be my new best man? 431 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,333 I just love him. He's so funny. 432 00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:43,600 And now that Perry is married, his dick is in prison! 433 00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,994 [laughter] 434 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:48,083 That was my joke! 435 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,519 I'll give him credit, it took balls 436 00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,000 making it his entire speech, but still. 437 00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,959 He's gettin' a poisoned IPA! 438 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,140 Oh, no. Are you kidding me?! 439 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:07,146 These poisoned beers have been nothing... but... trouble. 440 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,887 I'm gonna call Mike Donkey and try to get an extension. 441 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,715 - [Crying] - [Gasps] 442 00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:14,283 Extension denied. 443 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,981 Mr. Donkey, please! Let my boy go! 444 00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,722 Break my legs instead! 445 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,072 No, the kid's legs were the deal. 446 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,293 And, unlike you, I honor my deals. 447 00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,427 Wait! What if I told you this giant crystal 448 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,473 is powerful enough to win any bet we want? 449 00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,128 I propose we all go to Atlantic City, 450 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,217 and we'll win what we owe you, times 10. 451 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,611 Guaranteed. 452 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,004 [all whispering] 453 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:41,745 We're just gonna break the legs. 454 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,617 [muffled screaming] 455 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,922 Come on, guys. 456 00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:46,228 - You can't really... - Ohh! 457 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,318 Ohh! [crying] Ohh! 458 00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,538 Hmm. 459 00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,844 Yeah, I've never had to go this route before. 460 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,107 The deal was pay or get his legs broken. 461 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,066 So, yeah, I guess we're all square. 462 00:19:58,109 --> 00:19:59,937 Pleasure doing business with you. 463 00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:02,288 [Steve crying] 464 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,249 What could have possibly led to this?! 465 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,120 [sobs] 466 00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,210 It's all my fault! 467 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,995 If I wasn't so desperate to impress someone richer than me, 468 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,563 this never would've snowballed out of control! 469 00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,173 Everything's gonna be fine. 470 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,480 No, it's not! My boy is broken! 471 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,873 This baby's powerful enough to heal a hundred legs 472 00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,179 in mere minutes. 473 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,268 [screaming] 474 00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,966 Shh, let the crystal do its job. 475 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:32,970 It's woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg. 476 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,712 Your eight brutal weeks of physical therapy 477 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:39,673 is woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg. 478 00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:43,590 I'm doing it! Come on! Stroll with me! 479 00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:46,506 ["Classic" by The Knocks playing] 480 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:51,902 ♪ 481 00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,382 Aah! 482 00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:56,559 Steve, you're doing it! 483 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,605 Bye! Have a great time!