1 00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,612 ♪ 2 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,440 And that's when I realized I didn't like 3 00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:06,919 the taste of ratatouille 4 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,921 but I did like the taste of rat! 5 00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,445 [laughter] 6 00:00:10,488 --> 00:00:13,274 Oh, man, I love the C.I.A.! 7 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,667 Name another job where you sit around 8 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:18,453 with your friends and just laugh all day! 9 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,150 Can it, chuckle buddies! 10 00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,761 I need someone who can cry for a mission, 11 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:25,503 so we're having a crying contest! 12 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,418 Why do we need to cry on a mission? 13 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:31,422 One of you will go undercover to an enemy operative's funeral, 14 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:35,165 act sad, and seduce his widow to get intel. 15 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,819 What kind of intel, sir? 16 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,082 State secrets, Bolognese recipes. 17 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,258 I'm just hungry for info! 18 00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:43,086 My mom makes a pretty good sauce. 19 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,610 Great! Seduce her and get the recipe. 20 00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:48,004 On it! 21 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,441 Cry? A baby could do that. 22 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,182 Then prove it, Smith! 23 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:55,446 Everyone, think sad thoughts! 24 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:56,491 ♪ 25 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,449 Lost pets. 26 00:00:58,493 --> 00:01:00,147 Dead birds. 27 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:04,542 Being too short to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. 28 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,109 Oh, God, I'm close. 29 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,502 Come on! 30 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:10,896 No one leaves until I see one of you big men cry. 31 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,376 Hooper, shoot me in the leg. 32 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,030 I always cry when I get shot. 33 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,337 Oh, yeah, here come the waterworks! 34 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,816 Yes, Jackson! 35 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,123 ♪ 36 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,516 Real tears! 37 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,996 Huzzah and shazam! 38 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,739 With this leather jacket, I hereby name you... 39 00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:30,742 Agent Cry Baby. 40 00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,528 I did it, sir! 41 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:36,139 This isn't a recipe for Bolognese. 42 00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,010 It's a slice of bologna! 43 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:41,405 This is useless to me! 44 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:48,369 I hope you pleased your mother more than me. 45 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:51,023 [patriotic music plays] 46 00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:53,852 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 47 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:57,682 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 48 00:01:57,726 --> 00:02:00,729 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 49 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:04,863 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 50 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:10,304 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 51 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,436 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 52 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,524 Aah! 53 00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:18,355 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 54 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:21,532 ♪ 55 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,230 Carol, grab a seat. 56 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:24,579 I'll get you a yogurt. 57 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:27,451 Morning, everyone! 58 00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:29,018 Steve, are you banging an old lady? 59 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,847 What? No! This is Carol. 60 00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:35,546 She's from the Best Boy Award committee. 61 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,201 The Best Buy Best Boy Award?! 62 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:41,291 Handed out every year to the best boy in the best country 63 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,685 as determined by the best company, Best Buy?! 64 00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:45,077 With almost the best prices? 65 00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,341 Yep! I'm one of two finalists. 66 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,604 Carol is my official Best Boy observer. 67 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,867 Her report is the final determination 68 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:54,130 before the award is presented next weekend. 69 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,655 My boy the Best Boy as determined by Best Buy! 70 00:02:57,699 --> 00:03:00,658 Carol, help me set my sky-high expectations even higher. 71 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:01,616 Does he have a chance? 72 00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:03,139 Per Best Buy rules, 73 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,620 observers are not allowed to comment. 74 00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:08,884 But I will say this... He's basically a lock! 75 00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,929 Actually, I kind of hope I lose. 76 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,148 Why? 77 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,629 The other finalist is this kid Brett Robert. 78 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:17,675 He's come in second the last three years. 79 00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:20,678 Imagine how it would feel to get that close and not win. 80 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,245 I have a lot of empathy for him. 81 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,159 Explain. 82 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,335 - Explain empathy? - Please. 83 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,424 Have you ever looked at someone and felt like 84 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,600 you understood exactly what they were going through? 85 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,167 Yes. Olympic athletes. 86 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,647 But only when they win gold. 87 00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,388 Say you were watching the Olympics 88 00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,694 and someone broke their leg and couldn't finish. 89 00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,063 Maybe you'd feel their disappointment 90 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,306 like it was your own? 91 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:40,394 That's empathy. 92 00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,004 Gross. 93 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,701 To the concept and the broken leg. 94 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,268 I'm picturing a compound fracture 95 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,878 with the bone sticking out. 96 00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,184 Ew, with lots of blood? 97 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,186 Stop being gross, Steve. 98 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,928 It's just Brett Robert is a great boy. 99 00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:56,540 A-A-And he'll be so hurt if... if he doesn't... 100 00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,934 Wait, empathy is crying? 101 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,152 I need to do that for work! 102 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,024 Steve, teach me how to empathy! 103 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,547 Okay, I guess. 104 00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:06,507 Teaching his father empathy?! 105 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:09,553 I wish I was allowed to share my feelings 106 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,295 about this perfect boy! 107 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,733 But I swore an oath to the CEO of Best Buy 108 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,258 on a DVD three-pack of Die Hard, 109 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,260 Little Women, and The Natural. 110 00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:23,175 ♪ 111 00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,482 - You wanted to see me, Roger? - Yes. 112 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:28,442 As you know, last year was a disaster for my business. 113 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,270 Your fruit leather belt company? 114 00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:31,836 No, no, that's thriving. 115 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,580 I'm talking about my air-conditioning business. 116 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,992 Last summer, I got a little careless. 117 00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,453 Damaged some property. 118 00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:42,020 I need your help typing up a letter to win my clients back. 119 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,413 I can't touch the keyboard. 120 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:46,068 My hands are too sticky with belt fruit. 121 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:48,853 Sit down. 122 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,771 Okay, "Dear HVAC customers. 123 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:56,121 If you're reading this, I'm already dead." 124 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,514 No, that's too much. 125 00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,256 ♪ 126 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,084 Here's a hypothetical. 127 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,173 What would happen if I quit? 128 00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,218 Then Brett would have to be Best Boy, right? 129 00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,307 Wow! 130 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,831 If you quit so another boy could win, 131 00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:12,094 you'd be guaranteed to win! 132 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,139 Oh, my God, this boy. 133 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:16,359 I've seen all I need! [chuckles] 134 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,884 Good luck teaching Stan empathy! 135 00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:22,539 Okay, I'm ready for my crying lessons. 136 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,846 Do I scrunch my face like this, or...? 137 00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,891 You're not here to learn how to cry, Dad. 138 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,371 You're here to learn empathy. 139 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:31,113 We already know you can't empathize with strangers. 140 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,942 I thought we'd see if you could empathize with someone you know. 141 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:36,727 And you know one very sad person. 142 00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:39,121 Why would I feel bad for Dick? 143 00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,644 Well, we've been talking about 144 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,429 how pathetic he is for five minutes, 145 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,082 and he's pretending he can't hear us. 146 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,171 I'm just happy for the company. 147 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,348 My girlfriend turned out to be a catfish. 148 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,132 Not an MTV Catfish. 149 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,352 A literal catfish, Stan. 150 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,354 He's dating a fish. 151 00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:58,488 That doesn't break your heart even a little? 152 00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:02,231 ♪ Some comfort here ♪ 153 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,798 I'm Sarah McLachlan, 154 00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:07,192 and you can save these animals from abusers. 155 00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:10,370 All those poor puppies? 156 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,241 - Nothing?! - Nothing. 157 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:13,721 This song is a banger, by the way. 158 00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,026 I could [bleep] to this. 159 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,724 Okay, I want to unlock your empathy, 160 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,508 but I don't think I can. 161 00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:19,988 Maybe we should try a doctor. 162 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,946 But which one? We know so many. 163 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,948 We do know a lot of different doctors. 164 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,429 But I'm thinking we start with... 165 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,649 It's a very quick fix. 166 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:32,479 I'll simply need to stimulate your Super Marginal Gyrus! 167 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:36,047 Please mark your forehead for the drill. 168 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,963 [drill whirring] 169 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,401 I'm thinkin' we try a different doctor. 170 00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:45,579 [door opens, closes] 171 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:49,278 [chuckles] Stay still, you wiggle worm! 172 00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,715 Sorry, Dr. Ray is out dead today. 173 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,195 Do you know when he'll be alive? 174 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,675 Hmm, no. 175 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:55,980 Do we know more doctors? 176 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,417 "Do we know more doctors?" 177 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,983 Listen to this guy! 178 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:02,552 ♪ 179 00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:06,208 [grunting] 180 00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:09,341 [giggling] 181 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:20,396 ♪ 182 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,180 There was nothing funny about that guy. 183 00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,312 Weird one to end on. 184 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,009 Ugh. We need a new doctor. 185 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:28,273 Did you say new doctor? 186 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,407 The world is a pretty cool place. 187 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,018 ♪ 188 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,846 - [cellphone vibrating] - New e-mail! 189 00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,283 Drop everything! 190 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:39,783 It's from that awful air-conditioning guy 191 00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,504 I used last year. 192 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,027 "Dear HVAC customer." 193 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,029 Hey, that's me! 194 00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:48,032 "I was inspired to write this after a difficult run 195 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,686 for my business last summer. 196 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,427 Why was it so difficult? 197 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,822 Maybe it was my attitude, maybe it was yours. 198 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,301 Maybe it was the fact 199 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,390 that I put my foot through some ceilings. 200 00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,349 But I always fixed it." 201 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,699 ♪ 202 00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:04,788 "And now I know what I need to do 203 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,137 to win back your business." 204 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,487 Free repair? 205 00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,140 ROGER: "An overly personal e-mail." 206 00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:10,881 Even better! 207 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:13,797 So, new doctor, what kind of doctor are you? 208 00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,930 No specialty! I can take your temperature. 209 00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:17,279 I can do CPR. 210 00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,411 Oh! And I've got a knee knocker! 211 00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,761 Want me to give 'em a knock? 212 00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,502 - See if they kick? - No, thanks. 213 00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:25,156 We're actually trying to help my dad access his empathy. 214 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,855 Mm, yes, I think I can help. 215 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:32,120 I'm trained in something called Rapid Eye Movement Therapy. 216 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,297 I wave my hand around, your dad watches and voilà! 217 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,865 Okay. 218 00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,127 DOCTOR NEW: Here it is! 219 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,563 Empathy. 220 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,088 That's a left, a left, a right, a left... 221 00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:47,352 Down, up, loop-de-loop, and up and down. 222 00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,529 One more loop and a hang loose! 223 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,966 Knee knock! 224 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,665 [sniffles, cries] 225 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,885 Oh, my God, it's working! 226 00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,669 But why are you crying? 227 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,976 It's just the end of Cars 2. 228 00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,499 I finally get it. 229 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,806 The cars, they love each other! 230 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:10,027 ♪ 231 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,813 There I am, surrounded by the enemy. 232 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,945 If I don't cry, I'm dead. 233 00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,599 What'd you do, Cry Baby? 234 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,471 Just squoze out one of these bad boys. 235 00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,561 ♪ 236 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,953 - Oh! - Wow! 237 00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,782 You're such a good crier, dude. 238 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,524 Jackson! I challenge you to a cry-off! 239 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,134 Oh, goodie! 240 00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:34,269 There's nothing I love more than men with wet, wet faces! 241 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:37,011 - [indistinct shouting] - Cry at him, J-bird! 242 00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,579 Show him how real men cry, Jackson! 243 00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,798 Am I the only one rooting for Stan? 244 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,975 [shouting continues] 245 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,890 Enough playing around. 246 00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,023 Hey, Dick, how's your love life? 247 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:52,243 Not great, Stan. I'm dating another catfish. 248 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:54,158 [sighs] I gotta stop going to the river. 249 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:55,899 Dick, that's so... 250 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:59,163 sa-sasa-sad! [sobbing] 251 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,470 - Hoorah! - Yes! 252 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:02,950 You win, Stan. 253 00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,952 She's yours now. 254 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,475 Jackson, are you okay? 255 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:07,911 Just a little bummed. 256 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,610 I liked being Agent Cry Baby. 257 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,002 I won. 258 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,700 Why do I feel sad? 259 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:17,007 ♪ 260 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,749 Steve, I smoked Jackson in the cry-off! 261 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,490 Check it out! 262 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,361 But then something weird happened. 263 00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,885 Jackson was upset. 264 00:10:24,928 --> 00:10:27,670 And now I'm upset just thinking about it! 265 00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:30,455 That's good, Dad. That's empathy. 266 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:33,458 But I wanna cry and be happy, not cry and be sad. 267 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,548 Listen, why don't we go get you a nice piece of fish? 268 00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,420 Maybe take your mind off it. 269 00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:41,902 ♪ 270 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,688 Something's going on with Stan. 271 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:51,563 - [crying] - Uh, Dad? 272 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,261 Is the salmon okay? 273 00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,263 Are you kidding me?! 274 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,744 This is the best salmon I've had in my life! 275 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,049 [sobbing] 276 00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:02,749 Oh, God, I can taste the sea! 277 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:05,273 Okay, you're a little emotional. 278 00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:06,753 Let's take a walk, 279 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,774 see if we can get you to stop crying at everything. 280 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,018 Can I take the rest to go? 281 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,498 I don't want the chef to think I didn't like it. 282 00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:17,720 ♪ 283 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:21,550 ♪ Son, as you grow older ♪ 284 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:25,032 ♪ You'll find someone who is dear ♪ 285 00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,295 ♪ Just stick by her ♪ 286 00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:33,301 ♪ Take care of her and you will never hear ♪ 287 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:37,087 ♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪ 288 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:39,263 ♪ That's what I heard him say ♪ 289 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:44,094 ♪ See the big man cry, mama ♪ 290 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:50,753 ♪ He looks like his heart will break ♪ 291 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,541 What are we doing here? 292 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,847 I think I made a mistake. 293 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,501 That must feel awful! 294 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,633 Thank God. 295 00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:04,375 Please tell me you have a way to take away empathy. 296 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,595 My dad can't handle being like this. 297 00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:08,597 Of course I do. 298 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,817 I call it a reverso. 299 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,383 They're like half my business. 300 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,690 I really shouldn't be messing with the human mind. 301 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,779 I don't understand it. 302 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,390 ♪ 303 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,349 ROGER: "HVAC. What does it mean? 304 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,351 Heating versus air conditioning, 305 00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,875 the battle we are all fighting. 306 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,878 But the battle I'm fighting is with my ex-wife, Regina. 307 00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,880 If that is her real name. 308 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,664 Which I think it probably is. 309 00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,841 She was nothing if not honest. 310 00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:38,061 She left me when I was 29, and she took our kids... 311 00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:41,630 Socks, Sir Kittens, Beezus, and Garbanzo. 312 00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,937 That's right. Our kids have cats' names. 313 00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,810 Now that I'm back to normal, 314 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,420 this salmon is not that great, huh? 315 00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:50,857 Glad you're feeling better. 316 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,641 And just in time 317 00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,817 for the Best Boy Award this weekend! 318 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166 That's this weekend?! 319 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,820 I totally forgot about that! 320 00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,779 I think we all kind of lost track of it. 321 00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:01,476 But now we remember. 322 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,391 And so do you. 323 00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,262 Steve, I gotta ask. 324 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:06,742 The empathy. 325 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,526 Is that how you feel all the time? 326 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,485 Uh... kind of. 327 00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:13,140 And the way I felt bad for Jackson, 328 00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:15,620 that's the way you'll feel for Brett Robert if you win? 329 00:13:15,664 --> 00:13:16,839 Pretty much. 330 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,754 I don't want you to go through that. 331 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,278 You know what? I'm gonna do you a huge favor. 332 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,717 It's okay. I'm his father. 333 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,504 Do him, too. 334 00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:32,115 ♪ 335 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:35,162 Steve, now that you're empathy-free, 336 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,903 are you gonna be able to wholeheartedly 337 00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,601 enjoy dominating that nerd Brett Robert? 338 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,472 Hell, yeah, thanks to you! 339 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,910 I can't wait to see that dork's face when I win. 340 00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,868 I love that you don't feel bad for him. 341 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,914 You're bad to the bone now! 342 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,091 Hey, Steve, I have some bad news. 343 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:54,224 Brett Robert's observation went very poorly. 344 00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,183 He gave $5 to a homeless man, 345 00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,838 but when I asked for $5 to buy some Whip-Its, 346 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,275 he said he was "all out." Hmm. 347 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,755 Sorry, you're definitely gonna win. 348 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,322 That's great news. 349 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,498 Steve? I'm Brett Robert. 350 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:08,673 Nice to meet you. 351 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,414 I hear I have my work cut out for me. 352 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,763 I'll say. 353 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,636 Just wanted to wish you good luck. 354 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,898 I'd wish you good luck, 355 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,074 but it won't make a difference, Brent. 356 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,555 Ha! Yes! That's not his name. 357 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,645 Hey, Brent, here's a little preview of tonight. 358 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,125 It's what you're gonna see 359 00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:28,041 as I walk up to the podium to accept the award. 360 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:28,955 [chuckles] 361 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,913 Watch where I'm going! 362 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,307 [gasps] Trash talk?! 363 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,875 What happened to my beautiful boy? 364 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,616 Wait, he must be faking! 365 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,314 Oh, he's not faking. 366 00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,577 Yep, I got under his hood and made a few tweaks. 367 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,493 Now that engine is humming along empathy-free. 368 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,147 Why would you do that?! 369 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:50,063 The real question is, "Why would I tell you?" 370 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,761 And the answer is I have mercury poisoning 371 00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,806 because I pretended to smoke a thermometer 372 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,505 like a cigarette, but the end was open. 373 00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,770 ROGER: "Look, I can't fix your life 374 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,424 any more than I can fix mine. 375 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,687 But I can fix your A/C. 376 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,907 And I can fix your ceiling if I put my foot through it, 377 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,386 which I won't this time. 378 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,692 Can you respect that? 379 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:11,780 I love you." 380 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,086 Wow. 381 00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:17,655 57,000 words and every single one misspelled. 382 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:20,006 That's how you get your customers back. 383 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,577 I'm glad we got here so early. 384 00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:29,015 There's nothing that beats shrimp in a carpeted hotel lobby 385 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,755 without a kitchen in sight. 386 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:34,150 Everyone checking in, smelling my shrimp. 387 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,760 Oh, lookie here! Brent! 388 00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,023 Sit down! 389 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,590 Uh, okay. 390 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,418 You look nervous, B. 391 00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:42,985 You nervous about tonight? 392 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,379 You're not gonna win. 393 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,120 I'm the one who should be nervous. 394 00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:49,122 I'm about to be Best Boy. 395 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,558 All right, I'm bored. 396 00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,603 I'm gonna hit the steam room then watch some videos 397 00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,170 of fat people falling down. 398 00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:55,693 [chuckles] 399 00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,280 Hey, Brett, would you mind covering your ears for a second? 400 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:59,088 No problem! 401 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,742 Carol, I couldn't help but notice 402 00:16:00,785 --> 00:16:03,745 that you haven't said what a great boy Steve is in a while. 403 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,703 That's because he's awful! 404 00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:06,922 I have to tell the committee 405 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,055 that there's no way he can be Best Boy. 406 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,230 No, wait! 407 00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,058 There's got to be something I can do! 408 00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,712 You're welcome to sleep with me, but it won't change anything. 409 00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,453 Then why would I...? 410 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,020 Whatever. 411 00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,065 You can listen now. 412 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:23,808 Brett, do you ever feel like you really messed up with Steve? 413 00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,245 Um, no? 414 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,203 I was trying to make him better, 415 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,727 but somehow, I feel like I made him worse. 416 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:33,122 Well, if Steve's as good as they say, 417 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,038 maybe you can remind him who he really is. 418 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:39,737 Sure, but who is he? 419 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:43,219 He's the type of guy who feels bad for losers like you. 420 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,004 I know exactly how to remind him! 421 00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,876 You're not gonna like it. But I know exactly how! 422 00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,009 - [cellphone beeps] - Hey. 423 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:53,490 I have a mission for the real Agent Cry Baby. 424 00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:57,146 I've been waiting for this my whole three days! 425 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,629 [doorbell rings] 426 00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,501 Thanks for reading my e-mail and giving me a second chance. 427 00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,025 Whaddya say we rip off the band-aid 428 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,156 and start in the attic? 429 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,290 Just please be careful. 430 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:13,858 Don't worry. I'll keep it to the studs. 431 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:16,122 Now, which ones are the studs? 432 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,126 That doesn't count. That hole looked like a stud! 433 00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,997 Careful, Jeff, looks like the studs 434 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,608 are reversed in this section. 435 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,568 -There's no A/ -C unit in here. 436 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,589 Jeff, we gotta get outta here before Tuttle notices. 437 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,093 Run! 438 00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:34,401 Aah! These studs are thin as hell! 439 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:35,837 Jeff, fire up your e-mail! 440 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,622 We got a customer to win back! 441 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,582 CAROL: And now to present this year's Best Boy Award, 442 00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:46,065 five-time Best Boy and Best Buy fanatic... Robert Wuhl! 443 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,979 [applause] 444 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,329 Good evening. 445 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:52,854 What does it mean to be Best Boy? 446 00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,769 [chuckling] Well, to me it means... 447 00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:59,121 Steve, I just want to say, I'm sorry. 448 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,819 And don't worry, I have a plan to fix everything. 449 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:06,650 And that's what being Best Boy is all about. 450 00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,478 And so, without any further ado, 451 00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:11,568 this year's Best Boy is... 452 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:12,874 Brett Robert! 453 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,615 What the hell?! 454 00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,139 [applause] 455 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:20,664 First, I'd like to say, Steve Smith, 456 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,013 you deserve this just... 457 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,406 JACKSON: Wait! 458 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,408 That's no Best Boy! 459 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,977 Last night, Brett Robert came to my house 460 00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,893 and pushed my grandpa off the roof! 461 00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,416 [audience gasps] 462 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,941 Worst part is, gramps wasn't on the roof to begin with. 463 00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:39,335 He lured him up there with licorice! 464 00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,990 How do we know you're telling the truth?! 465 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:45,428 I have all the proof I need right here! 466 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,430 ♪ 467 00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,040 [audience gasps] 468 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:51,304 A tear! 469 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,914 He speaks true! 470 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,917 Brett Robert cannot be Best Boy! 471 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,179 But it's not true. 472 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,225 I... Oh, God! 473 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,444 I've lost everything! 474 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:05,361 [wheezing, sobbing] 475 00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,711 Gotta feel a little bad for Brett here, huh? 476 00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:09,191 Who cares about him?! 477 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,758 He loses, I win! 478 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,542 - You're a genius! - No! 479 00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,631 That's not why I ruined his life! 480 00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:17,721 I did it so you'd feel bad for him and remember who you are! 481 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,462 But you're trapped in there. 482 00:19:19,506 --> 00:19:20,985 And the only way to bring you back 483 00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:22,857 is the Indiana Jones technique. 484 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,554 The Indiana Jones tech...? 485 00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:26,513 [screaming] 486 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:27,949 Wake up, Indy! 487 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,777 Stop! I'm faking! 488 00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,953 - Faking? - Yes! 489 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,303 I wanted Brett to win the whole time, 490 00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:36,044 and when you brought me to the new doctor, 491 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,872 I realized I could pretend to be bad 492 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,395 and Carol would believe it. 493 00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:41,484 So you were fake gloating? 494 00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:44,052 I was hoping Carol would see me being a jerk 495 00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:45,096 and give it to Brett. 496 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,620 Carol, is this true? 497 00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:47,969 I don't know. 498 00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,884 But after hearing this, I do know 499 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,973 who the true Best Boy is... 500 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,193 Stan Smith! 501 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,716 What?! No! 502 00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:58,414 I-I mean, I'm honored, but give it to Brett. 503 00:19:58,458 --> 00:20:00,242 No, Stan. 504 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,462 When you burned your son with that torch, 505 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,942 that's when I knew you were special. 506 00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,466 Besides, I don't know how you knew, 507 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:10,034 but I do like pushing old people off roofs. 508 00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:12,385 It's fun. And I'm not gonna stop. 509 00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,995 Don't you see, Dad? 510 00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,519 You tried to take away my empathy to protect me 511 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,391 and then you tried to give it back. 512 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,219 Also to protect me. 513 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:23,004 And that is what truly makes a Best Boy. 514 00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,788 Then I am the Best Boy! 515 00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:27,051 And here's your prize. 516 00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:30,054 A DVD three-pack of Wildcats, 517 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:33,710 John Grisham's The Client, and A Beautiful Mind. 518 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,712 I-I'm sorry, what connects those three movies? 519 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,758 The packaging! 520 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,673 But there's one thing I don't understand. 521 00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:42,676 Why didn't the doctor's hand- movement therapy work on you? 522 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,939 I think maybe it was because I was still unconscious 523 00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,351 from you clobbering me with that plate. 524 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,464 Ohh, that's why she said it wouldn't work. 525 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:50,727 I-I thought she just had the new-doctor jitters. 526 00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:52,729 ♪ 527 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:56,342 What is going on with Stan? 528 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,082 Have a great night!